Need a drink?

Mom and I went to Bardsville Kentucky. We ventured on the Bourbon Trail- we can't not go drive along there and not pick up any souvenirs. So we ended up at the Makers Mark Bourbon Distillery in Loretto KY. My mom joked after venturing so far out in the middle of nowhere that she'd probably need a drink (she doesn't drink). Well, we took the tour seeing how they make bourbon whiskey and then of course got to sample some. I tried 130 proof, then 3-4 others in the process until you get to the final product. My mom said she was driving and if I wanted to I could. Of course I did. So she took pictures as I drank away. I also dipped my own bottle of bourbon whiskey's wax cap.

Of course we had to find our way back and that required another drink, so we stopped at the Jim Beam Distillery for some samples.

Vacationing in Louisville KY

I'm in Louisville KY for my dad's Army reunion. FUN STUFF. I love traveling. Love visiting people. Got to see some family in Indiana yesterday. Toured my dad's hometown yesterday. Got to see his old house and where all the family lives. Got to see my aunt/uncle (my dad's cousin and his wife, but I call them aunt and uncle). Got to go to the Louisville Sluggers Museum today (had been there before). Walked all around Louisville. We toured a candy factory where they were making jolly rancher like fish, which we got to sample warm. SOOOOOOOOOOOO good. I bought Gonzo and my other coworkers those and red hots that are about the size of Jolly Ranchers for souvenirs.

My mom came along this year and we're having so much fun. We're going everywhere and doing everything. It is just so relaxing to get away!!! I feel so relaxed, which is good because of what lies ahead. Tomorrow we're going to northern Indiana to see my uncle's in Cali's house he is building. A fun car trip with me playing backseat driver and controlling the radio!!! WOOT WOOT!!!

BTW... we asked for a compact car and they didn't have any. We got a Mercedes ML320 SUV. It is NICE!!! The closest my parents will ever come to driving one. AND we're only paying $17 a day for it!!!

Almost all radio stations in the Louisville area are country- there's at least 5 of those, then 1 oldies station, 1 urban, and 1 or 2 rock. In Cali there is such variety. I like country. My parents don't. We're listening to the oldies station though, which has much more variety than KOLA or KRTH in So Cal. So props to WAKY 103.5.

One random note about KOLA- they now play Jesse's Girl since they've expanded their playlist to play classics (60s-80s). I was flipping in our car and it came on the radio. I started singing and my mom and I both belted out into song. Then she talked about how it is one of the "new" songs KOLA plays that she knows. So in honor of that bonding with her...

Do you need to get fucked?

Short answer- yes- but it took 18 minutes of chatting on the phone about me venturing off today to deal with family stuff. I was doing pretty well last night, but there was one little problem. I WAS HORNY. HORNY. HORNY. I jacked off when I got home from work about 4:30p.m. while trying to avoid being caught by my dad. That wasn't enough- I needed to get off again. It didn't happen. I went to the gym, ran around getting ready to leave, and other things. The Guy told me he was going to be up late playing Warhammer, eating, and watching TV. After talking for a while he asked if I needed to get fucked and just come over for that even though I couldn't stay because I had to get up at 3:45a.m.

I did want to come over because he asked and I was horny, and I hadn't gotten to see him. I got to his place about 8:10p.m. I stopped to get my dad's car gas at the Shell over by his house.

I get over to his place and REALLY need to use the bathroom. I walk in, don't see The Guy in the living room laying on the couch. I thought to myself believe it or not on the way over I may walk in and he'll be in the bedroom ready to have sex just because that's all we planned. I quickly use the bathroom and then look over in his bedroom and see him laying there in the nude laying on his stomach. He was, and it was hot- his ass is to die for.

I see a condom next to him and I think ooooooooooooooh I get to fuck him for a change. And I did, but I'll get to that later. I knew what he wanted. He wanted me to eat his ass and I did because he washed down there and it wasn't smelly. I had my tongue up, his you know what. I licked with my tongue and then used my hands to squeeze his ass. I love to squeeze his ass. It is just sooooo hot- and not flabby, but toned.

I do that for a while, then he turned over and I sucked his dick. While I did that he jacked me off and I positioned myself so I could also finger his ass because he asked me to. I used spit to do that. I just used one finger- my middle finger, but he seemed to not mind what I did. At the same time he was pouring tons of lube on his hand and fingering me. He was much more forceful with me than I was with him; he's a top though, so I guess it makes sense that I was going easier on him.

Soon after he turns me over on my back, puts the condom on and starts fucking me. He holds my legs and fucks me. That's my least favorite way because my legs get tired just being up in the air. He had me hold my legs up another time myself and that got tiring, but he enjoyed fucking me.

He flips me over and we start doing it doggie style. He is down on me and letting his dick go in and out of me. He lays down on me and starts nibbling my left ear. I was moaning so loud!!! He turns my head to the other side and spits in my right ear and starts licking driving me absolutely crazy. I was in heaven.

We finger each other more and I suck him. We're playing with each other and he becomes very dominant/verbal while this goes on and tells me to call him master. He gets 1, 2, 3, and finally 4 fingers up my ass. I was wondering. At times it hurt a little, but then when they were in felt good. He was saying while we were playing he had his hand in me. While I'm sucking him he is playing with my nipples and hitting my chest. Then while I'm laying on my back he lets me fuck him. He sits on me and puts his dick in me. He is taking some poppers and riding it. He is riding up and down on me, then he tells me to fuck him. I said I can't, I can't do it much longer without shooting. It just felt THAT good. As he was coming off my dick I shot a little cum, but managed to hold most of it. I was disappointed. I really wish I could last longer when fucking him. It feels so good. I felt like I kind of ended it early. I tell him I'm about to come and he said "no bitch, you're not going to cum, I'm going to fucking tell you when to cum." He fucks me a little bit more as my punishment, then I finish jacking off, he fucks me a little more after that, then I suck on him. He never did shoot his load.

We took a shower afterward because we were both covered in lube.

We had a nice hour of play. I hung around until 9:20 after he made a sandwich, then we casually hugged, thanked each other, and he wished me luck. Made it home at 10 and saved a few minutes by showering at his place and got the added benefit of showering with him.

Sex toys

The Guy was at work about 12p.m. on Friday when I had IM'd him. He asked what was going on and I told him I just got home from pampering myself. My mom left me with $40 to find something to indulge myself with yesterday because after our talk the night before in her bedroom she realized something was wrong. When I woke up there was a letter on my door telling me to have a good day with the money she left on the kitchen counter. What did I do? I got a pedicure... ok... laugh... I had one before with Gonzo and it was so relaxing. I needed to relax. So I did it. I also got myself a smoothie. The Guy laughed and said he still won't suck my toes. Then we chit chatted about how I couldn't find my checkbook to make a car payment. Still don't know where it is. There are only 2 possible places it could be in my room (remember my room consists of a mattress, stackable cubes, and a small white cabinet). He asked if I wanted to hang out between 2 and 5. I just got home and was not really wanting to go out, but this sounded like it would be fun since he was so random about it.

He called me driving over and we talked about what we were doing in the car, made random noises and car sounds for each other, and things like that. The Guy got to his place about 10 minutes before me and was opening up the packages he ordered. HIs sex toys arrived- poppers, 3 18'' dildos, and some gel cock rings. I laughed and asked why he needed such a long dildo. Of course it wasn't for him. He was telling me how hot it was and stuff to play with. Ok...

Got to his place and he was on the phone trying to get a haircut. He was told he could immediately. He said he'd be there in 10 minutes and asked if I wanted to go. I said sure. We go and on the way over The Guy is telling me about his sex toys he just bought and how these dildos are so long and they'll take a while to work up to. His friend Bear is working at the hair salon. Bear brings The Guy and I passion tea with melon and sweetener from Starbucks since he gets ventis for $1.00 because he has connections. I sit around and play on my phone while The Guy gets his haircut.

I get a call from a 909 number that I recognize as being near Pomona, but was not sure who it was. Ok, is that bad when I am able to tell with the prefix (the number after the area code) where the number was from? I decided to answer. The person says "Mike, are you with The Guy?" I said yes. He said "hey, it's Jeff, is The Guy around? I'm hungry." I laughed and I said he was paying the cashier for his candles and haircut. I passed the phone to The Guy and The Guy got a huge kick that Jeff was hungry, so wanted The Guy to bring food to him. That's Jeff for you! Everyone in the beauty salon got a kick out of it. We were talking as we walked out about how Jeff got my number. We really don't know. Must have looked at The Guy's computer. Jeff had tried to call The Guy, but he didn't pick up. We get Jeff a teriyaki bowl at the sushi place next door.

We get back and Jeff gets made fun of for calling me and is sitting in The Guy's office on his computer doing some work. We tease him, The Guy asks him if he wants one of the gel cock rings, and he declines. He was surprised and the grin on his face was hilarious. The Guy asked Jeff repeatedly if he needed anything from Best Buy to which Jeff replied no. The Guy persisted in asking. We decided we needed to go get a 10 foot camera cord USB, a Firewire 800 cable, CD storage cases, and The Office Season 4 on DVD.

On our way to Best Buy Josh, The Guy's trainer calls. He says he is on the way to his mom's back surgery. Josh is on speakerphone so I hear everything. He is flirting with The Guy about everything- their workouts. There are some squats that The Guy called the "dick worship," basically The Guy explained as you're bowing and worshipping his dick when you do that. Then Josh was like yeah, that's hot. Josh decided The Guy and him need to go shopping to buy Puma shoes this weekend and so they're doing that today, Saturday. Josh also needs help studying. The Guy said he'll help with strip studying. Josh will need it and Josh sounded like he believed The Guy. The Guy said he knows Josh will do it. Josh was such a flirt on the phone- HE IS GAY- I SWEAR.

We go to Best Buy and nobody helps us, so The Guy resists the urge to buy a $320 portable hard drive that was firewire capable. We get "The Office" and $140 in CD cases (that's 5 that seat 48 CDs a piece). We go to Circuit City and find 2 really nice people who help us. They don't have the 10 foot camera cord The Guy wants, but they have a 10 foot USB cord that can be extended to put the attachment on it you need for that device.

Back to The Guy's and Jeff is gone. The Guy does some wash and takes off his jeans while standing at the wash. I joke that his ass is missing from his black Calvin Klein boxer briefs he is wearing. He said "noooooo" and he asked "what?" I came over and pulled on the material. The Guy took them off, laughed, and wondered how that happened. It was hot to have him standing there and seeing his little uncut dick soft. He walked around a few more minutes without any underwear, which is unusual for him. He would usually go shirtless before underwearless. The poppers are sitting on his washer and he asks me if I want to test them out and see if they're strong. I open them and say they are. He said cool. The Guy is hard after a few minutes and he asks me if I want to suck him off. I said sure. I go down and suck on him in front of the washing machine. I go down on him squeezing his ass and sucking his dick. HOT!!!

He says let's go in and take care of that. We go in the office, he sits in his chair and I suck on his dick while he is taking some poppers. I lick his balls and stuff like that. Then he says to wait here and get undressed. I do. The Guy comes back with a towel and under it is one of the new dildos. I cringe. That thing is THICK. It is like twice as thick as The Guy's dick, which is pretty thick. I suck The Guy while he tries to put the dildo in me. Then I finally lay on my stomach and he gets it in. He puts tons of lube on it and me as it goes in. At times it hurt a little and then he stopped. He kept asking me if I wanted it while we were fooling around and I'm thinking "HELL NO," this is THICK AND HURTS. It wasn't too bad, though, but what am I going to do with an 18'' dildo? Where would I put it? I sucked him and he played with the dildo in me. He put his ass/dick above my face and I sucked his dick while he jacked me off and occasionally played with the dildo. He played and pulled on my nipples, which was hot. I shot my load so unexpectedly and all over my chest. Then he stood up and jacked his dick and shot all over my chest also. He told me to use some soap and water to clean the dildo because it is all mine and he hopped in the shower. I got in behind him. We talked in the shower about how hot that experience was we just had. I asked how far the dildo was in me and he said about halfway.

After the shower we get dressed. We talk about how The Guy got most of his books put away. There are 2 boxes in the closet still. He shows me how all of his DVDs are hard to find because he has so many, so wants the cases we just bought. He has me organize his kitchen throwing out old kitchen appliances like an old food processor- his only food processor. While I'm putting kitchen utensils, boxed food, and spices away, he is finding places for all of the cords that he has laying out. I get 3 boxes of stuff put back and that pretty much takes care of the kitchen. He does a final vacuum. He talks about what an integral part of this process I've been and how he enjoys me so much.

He had to leave at 5:15 to go to his exercise class, so we hugged, I thanked him for my dildo, and took off. I said I would love to hang out before Wednesday, which is the start of my hell week with family stuff. I got home at 6:00p.m. Thankfully I brought my computer case to hide the dildo in it when bringing it into the house. I found a place in my room that is under lock, so we should be fine.

She can sense it

My mom and I had a long talk tonight. She says she know and has known for months there is an issue I'm hiding from her. It started when I was in her bedroom brushing my teeth. The master bathroom in my parent's bedroom is much larger than the other bathroom, therefore I brush my teeth in it since there is room to actually store my toothbrush.

Anyways, my dad fell asleep on the couch tonight and so he'll sleep there all night. My mom was talking about how late I've been staying up. I told her that it was 4a.m. last night before I fell asleep. I said that I've been exhausted, but nerves and a constant wandering mind have kept me up. Both of those are 100% true.

My sister finished brushing her teeth and said goodnight to my mom. My mom said that there's something bothering me, so let's just sit together and talk for a little bit. I laid with my head in the middle of the bed curled up in a ball as she rubbed my head. She asked about what sort of furniture/theme I want to go with in my bedroom. I told her about the pictures i posted a few weeks back. She said she'll see when we can purchase me a bedroom set. I said that's not a big deal right now because really, just having all of the old icky furniture in my room gone is HEAVEN.

She asked me about what kind of clothes she should bring for my dad's army reunion next week. We talked about clothes and she notices how I'm branching out in what I wear. She said she is glad and asked if there is anything I need for when I start school.

She rolled over in bed and repositioned herself and we started a new topic. She said that the physical therapy she has been going through at Kaiser has really helped and so her legs don't hurt when she turns over in bed. I mentioned how my lower back has been hurting and in the evening is very tight. She asked why. She speculated that it was me doing all of this work on the house this summer. I said no- I think it is nerves and stress. She said that surprised her because I don't appear stressed to her. I always have a smile on my face and I don't tell her anything. She said I tell my dad what's going on or why I may be mad, but not her. I said "well, I tell you about school and other things like that which make me mad or stress me out." She said that there's a lot more I tell my dad. I was totally being bold tonight and maybe it was because she was rubbing my head. How relaxing is that? Seriously. I proposed that there were a lot of things I don't think she'd understand and I'm still trying to figure out myself. She said that she just wants to be there to talk and it bothers her that I'm not as open to her with my dad. My mom said when we talk it is always her pushing the conversation, and as of late, over the past year or so that is the truth. I have distanced myself out of fear of letting that little secret out. But also when I find myself annoyed by certain things like that she insists on saving everything it bothers me, so rather than talking about it I distance myself or will criticize and show my disgust. I have been harsher towards her.

Sitting there, I was just about to let it all go. I wasn't prepared though, and I caught myself. I could have easily said "mom, I'm gay," and I think it could have flowed and would have been rather easy after the conversation we had just had. I could have said "well, I could clear some of the stuff up about distancing myself and not talking to you- I'm worried you'd reject me because I'm gay." I just didn't feel right because I wasn't prepared. I'd like to talk more with my mom just about life, what's going on with me, my thoughts, friends, and things like that, then maybe drop the ball. Hopefully we can have one of these convos. again soon and I can open up more about my life. Just maybe talk, tell her what is going on with friends, my worries about school/after school (which is something I tend to not talk about with her and I do go to dad for).

The issue mom is being left in the dark on this week is my sister is mad at me (still over being busted the other night, which is not my fault). I called her out for flooding the bathroom the other day and she got upset. She told me I was gay, and threatened me. Don't think I blogged about it, but I did not handle the situation well. It really made me feel hopeless. My sister threatened to tell my dad I was gay, and did in fact tell my dad I was. He just kind of told my sister to not cause any problems and that wasn't true. I could probably go to my mom and say sis is teasing me, causing problems, and this is what she is saying. But my mom will want to know what and if I say that I'm gay, then I'll have to do damage and rumor control. I fear that if I say that's not true, then when I do come out that'll be a lie, so that's a no go. So mom is in the dark on that.

But seriously, something like this, or like me having a "nightmare" and waking up crying, or upset I think would be a coming out scenario I could handle. I think I've mentioned this before but the nightmare scenario has sort of happened before with my mom a few months back, but I couldn't say the words. I remember being frustrated back in May because of family circumstances and was worried I'd have to come out right then and there, and that was going to be how I would do it. I still think that would be the best way because my mom will see how upset I am, how much I'm hurt, how I'm losing sleep, how I'm worried that she won't accept me, how I'm sick over it, and how this is affecting my sleep. I think if I could come out and just present it like that she'll totally have my sympathy. The reason I didn't do something like that was tonight was a school night and she has to get up in a couple hours and I didn't want to deal, but also I didn't feel ready on my end because that's not the only thing I'm not being open with to her.

The situation tonight would hopefully mimic the situation with me having a nightmare. I could just onload onto her everything going on and bothering me and go reason by reason. It is coming............... I think..................... ****

I think I'd definitely be able to gain my mom's sympathy and to be able to show her how much her not knowing and how worried I am about her finding out is driving me crazy, causing this nervousness, causing this uneasiness, causing this hiding, causing me tons of stress, she'll be more inclined to take pity and be less judgmental and she'll be more in the moment rather than thinking ahead, asking 10000 questions or just being upset. The upset part is bound to come, but I think if I could play off something like that at first, then let the other part come later it would be better just because she sees how the issue has torn me up- like where sexuality is not a choice or something that can easily be changed.

It is 11:58p.m. right now, been typing this for 30 minutes or so, maybe sleep will come.

Church counseling

I've brought up many times before how I'm most worried about my mom finding out about me being gay because of Christianity and how homosexuality fits into that mix. How will she take it? What will her reaction be? What will she do?

Well, is church counseling the answer, or is this too good to be true?

I was scanning through the local section of the newspaper this morning and saw an ad for my old church. They're really not doing well financially and have been taking out large ads in the paper to promote their bookstore, grille, café, church services, and today counseling services.

It was a quarter page ad in black and white, with the churches logo in red.

If I had a scanner I would scan it in so you could see- I don't on my laptop, so here's the text:

DIVORCE?
MARITAL OR SPOUSAL PROBLEMS?
FAMILY PROBLEMS?
FRIEND ISSUES?
SCHOOL DIFFICULTY?
WORK DIFFICULTY?
GAY FAMILY ISSUES?
NOT LIVING UP TO YOUR POTENTIAL?
FEELINGS OF STRESS?
WORRIED ABOUT THE FUTURE?
NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO?
DIFFICULTY LIVING THE CHRISTIAN LIFE?
Big Mega Christian Church offers counseling for any and more of these issues in a friendly, warm, and Christian setting! Call or e-mail Pastor Fran.

Gay family issues? And this is a big Christian church we're talking about who sent out and passed out fliers in grocery store parking lots urging Californians to vote against gay marriage a couple years back? Are they suddenly really accepting, supporting, or were they going to say that homosexuality is wrong? What is the deal? I don't know, and I still don't know.

I did fire an e-mail to Pastor Fran, the same pastor who I recall urged during one service when the whole gay marriage issue first came to fruition in California urged members of the congregation.

In a nutshell I told him I'm a longtime member who happens to be gay, am ready to come out to my mom, but am worried she will have a negative reaction because of the church and Bible's views on homosexuality. Can they help?

Pastor Fran e-mailed me back and said:

We will absolutely help in any way we can. Why don’t we sit down and let me tell you what we can do to help your mom and what we will be telling her. I assume you would want to know what we will say to her so you can give her solid answers to her questions. Let me know when you can meet

So... I'm thinking of going. I'm a little hesitant because he does know who I am. It is not like he'll gossip, but just a man I've known for so many years and suddenly, wham! But it sounds like they're being supportive. So should I schedule an appointment to meet and see what he has to say about what he'll tell my mom?

I'm thinking it couldn't hurt... but...

Technical support

Our internet was acting up this morning. We have this all the time. This morning it was the usual PPPOE server. We reset the internet about 10 times in 2 hours. I got fed up and tried to work on the new router I had to install. Did not work. I was so frustrated I started calling The Guy about 12p.m. I called and the phone rang once, then disconnected, I called him 6 more times. He called me once or twice and each time there was nothing on his end. I finally e-mailed him and he called me. He asked what was going on and I told him. We spent almost an hour and a half trying to set up the Apple Airport Extreme router to no avail.

At 1p.m. he said to bring it over and he'd reset and update it. I get in my car and drive over. I get over to his place, walk in, and he sounds really groggy. He's in the office and buying some gold in DDO. We talk for a few minutes about DDO and I run an instance with him on his laptop and him on the desktop. We talk about how badly my sister treated me this weekend. That's another post that I may or may not write- but basically she told me I was gay. She was trying to find something to bother me and that did. I had a real bad night Saturday night and called The Guy crying, even though his boyfriend (or soon to be) Matt was there. He calmed me down.

Anyways, The Guy realized he didn't want to play DDO because his head hurt. He played around with the router trying to fix it. He also went on Amazon.com and ordered a new Drobo storage device because his failed. It is $500, but he figured version 2 of the Drobo is better than the first. So he bought that and a 16 foot USB cord for his video camera. I wouldn't pay another $500 for another of the same product that didn't work more than 2-3 months.

We also had to talk about our new favorite topic. Mrs. Sarah Palin. The Guy talked about what he was reading online about how her daughter is pregnant, how she is not home with the kids, and how he is tired about abortion and gay marriage rallying up Republicans causing them to turn out and vote and decide elections. I really like to talk politics with The Guy. I think it is because I can play both sides well on a lot of issues, or add some tidbits of information he might not have heard. When he brought up her pregnant daughter I mentioned how she seems power hungry and will do anything including exploit her kids. Would you exploit your child like that just for the sake of becoming VP? Wouldn't you try to be there for her or cover it up? To me, being a young kid and hearing it played out on TV I was knocked up or knocked a girl up and having a mom be so open about it rather than try to protect me doesn't play well with me, so I brought that to the table. I know it is an issue that is bound to come out, but you'd think Governor Palin would have taken extra steps to protect her kids.

Anyways, we went in and laid down on the bed and watched XMen. I thought I was going to pick, then he did. I had the Apple remote, though. He took it and put on XMen. We got about 3/4 of the way in the movie and then it got too fake. He put on an episode of the Colbert Report from last week. I had already seen the clip he wanted to show me, but watched intently. Then he wanted to know what Bill Maher said, so we looked for him on iTunes. Couldn't find him, so we found him on youtube and then went in the office where we played a few more minutes.

Then he wanted to go back to bed. He has had a bad ear infection for the past 3-4 days, but can't go to the doctor until tomorrow.

I left about 6:30 and am going to try the router later since I have a few more ideas and now that it has been reset.