Hateful coworkers

I came home nearly in tears today. I didn't tell my partner who asked me how my day was over text. I told him about the assembly we had instead. I didn't tell him about the shit I put up with at work. I was just accepted to serve on the committee for the state, and the principal sent out a congratulatory email. 4-5 people sent me a congratulations, but 6-7 people decided to give me major shit over it. I heard what a brown noser, ass kisser, and pet I was. I heard how I am just there as a stepping stone, how I don't care about the kids, how I am so far up people's ass. I didn't do anything other than apply to an email the head of curriculum for the district sent out. One idiot decided to tell me how I didn't deserve the position and have't worked as hard as he has, and don't know how my school works, people just don't do that. Manbitch gave me a hard time, suck up didn't look at me, whatever, you ass, people are a lot like you who sit on your lazy ass for 13 years. Whatever. I just had such a hard time dealing with these assholes. It took its toll on me. I stormed around all evening trying to forget.

Backstabbing

I hate to work in a place where all the other employees backstab each other. Many workplaces have these sort of people, and where I work is not immune.

We have a gossip who is constantly stirring up the pot about things she "heard." Rumors start and end through her.

We have the bombshell in the corner who takes everything that goes on in, then goes off to the teacher he shares a room with to report, and report all that takes place to admin.

There's the Antisocial Trust Fund asshole who sits in the corner and talks about his trust fund, and how he lives in such a dangerous area. Contradiction much?

There's the Manbitch, as he is called, who calls everyone out, bitches about everything.

We have "the groupies" as they are called by the gossip. You have to be invited to sit at their table at lunch, it is an honor and privilege to talk to them. You have to 3 people at this table who spread and swirl the rumors. They're the first to call out everyone's wrongs - both admin and teachers. They're the first to call in sick without sufficient time to get a sub, yet when I do it - because I have a legitimate reason it is construed that I am "taking advantage of the system." They're the first to make judgmental comments about everything taking place. They call out anyone who doesn't do their job up to par, and they're the ones who don't in the first place!

There's the in-crowd, the ones who are like wolves clamoring for power. We have 4 of those, and they are at admin's beck and call for everything. I don't want to be one of those.

I have been put on an admin track at my school, am volunteering for extra duties, etc. I am being sent to conferences and trainings because I work, because I apply what I learn into my classroom. I have been asked to lead several staff meetings in the coming month. I am friends with the gossip - she knows I'm not trying to be part of the in-crowd because I'm wise, and know that power can be lost at the turn of a hat. She knows I'm not trying that hard to be a showoff. I just like the perks that come with doing a good job. She won't talk about me behind my back or spread any rumors. Trust Fund and Manbitch will say I'm a suck up. The groupies are going to say I'm on the in-crowd, that I'm on the incrowd, and maybe I am, and maybe it'll further ostracize me to these people that I don't want to have any association with. All of this because I work hard, and I am seizing the perks of my job.

Feeling a stress

How's it going? Having a great weekend at a conference in the Bay Area for work. I don't know anyone, and that's ok. I'm just doing my things, learning, and enjoying it. I sometimes like going places I don't know anyone and getting to do my own thing, and be on my own.

Been feeling anxiety lately. Not anxiety from work, family, relationship or my personal life. I am worried about friendships as of recent - Gonzo and The Guy, but could that be it? A lot of it is we haven't talked with Gonzo, and I said some things to The Guy that really upset him, and we haven't talked in weeks. My anxiety has just spiked, and I'm not sure why. Going back on my anxiety meds... there goes being able to orgasm. Was in my hotel room last night and had the hardest time getting off.

Why not just call Eyewitness News at 11pm the Elex Michaelson Show?

Last night Elex was on 2 stories - some pursuit or maybe it was the Kyle Kraska story, and then a girl with down syndrome receiving a bunch of birthday cards. In the last 30 seconds of the story it is so awkward when he is like yelling at Ashley, and asking for a high 5. He is just so awkward. He cannot do human interest stories.


Tonight he is on a guide dog for the blind story and the Bob Simon death story. OMG. I can't watch him.

I am now watching CBS2 at 11 as of tonight. I've had enough of him.

Line dancing, yee haw!!!

So I'm making it a goal to become better at line dancing this year. I am making it my goal to go to the local line dancing club on nights they have line dancing, and my partner is not home. He won't go to the club for many reasons - the people aren't that accepting he thinks, he doesn't dance, and its something I can do with my cousins instead of him. So the times I get to go are very slim...

I blogged already there's a gay line dance bar in the Silverlake portion of LA, but that's far. I've been. Years ago.

I try to watch youtube videos and memorize the steps, but there are so many dances. There are the basics - the 2 step, the tush push, electric slide, cha cha slide, and cupid shuffle. I can mostly do those. I can't remember all the steps.

I also find when I watch the youtube videos as the people are doing all sorts of turns and end up facing the wall (and me away from the screen), I can't see the steps, and I've already forgotten it.

I find I have to be in the club watching other people and mimic their steps for me to learn. Somehow my brain and watching the steps, and mimicking what I see on youtube does not match.

I want to get better, but when I don't have friends around, and can't make sense of the youtube videos it seems like a losing game.

So for now, I am going to use these cheat sheets. 

Exercise suggestions

I hate to say it - I can no longer eat or drink anything without doing a lot of exercise to burn off the calories. A couple of glasses of wine or alcohol here or there, some sweets, and savory foods thrown in all catch up with me.

I've been stuck around 170lbs for weeks.

So at the gym I've been switching up what I do - I go 4 days, and do cardio 2, then weights 2 (legs and upper body).

My partner after 5 years of saying he would never go to the gym has just given in. He is telling me my issue is I do weights. He said I should just be going and doing straight cardio each day. He said it is not about having muscle definition - it is about being skinny. He brings up the example of our friend B, who is into swimming. He swims 4-5 times a week for 30 minutes a day. He has the same exact build as me. SAME. If you were to place us side by side in our bathing suits you would see the tone in the same places. He is, however, able to burn and keep the weight off. Is it because he is doing cardio? I am debating. He has lost 2 pant sizes. I am thinking of switching to 3 days cardio and 1 day weights.

Any suggestions to help me bring sexy back?

It's Britney, Bitch

That's right, It's Britney. Saw her in Vegas with my partner last night. Total last minute tickets. We were in row P, paid about $100. Definitely a lot of lip syncing going on, not a lot of artist/audience interaction, so it seemed very staged and she seemed distant from the audience. Those in the pit didn't really seem to be doing anything crazy other than standing there.

After 3 Southern Comfort and Sprites, 1/2 bottle of pinot grigio, a glass at the theater, and Voco (vodka and coconut water), I became quite the philosopher (I was not drunk - I hold my alcohol well,) but at that point I'm loose enough to let my realizations flow...

Britney's songs are like my life story. I relate to Britney so well. We all have those naive moments (I'm Not A Girl... Not Yet A Woman), Sometimes we love, sometimes we hide (Sometimes), when we try to leave our parents and become (Overprotected), and I'm not perfect and sometimes repeat things I shouldn't do (Oops I did it Again!). Then when I hit 21 I was suddenly Toxic. And that's about the time I came out, and in the gay world, You Better Work Bitch, and maybe I had some of those in the bedroom "I'm A Slave For You" moments. And we all have those moments where "I Wanna Go" all the way tonight, and I'll keep dancing or working "Until the World Ends." And life's experiences make me "Stronger" than yesterday.

Pics to come.