Sunday, May 31, 2009
Dad is doing better
Problem solved- my dad is seeing SEVERAL different doctors right now at 2 different hospitals. He failed to mention to one he was on betablockers, which was lowering his heart rate. I guess the betablocker is in his anxiety medicine the doctor at Kaiser prescribed, but he didn't tell the doctor at the VA hospital he was taking it. The VA is the one that has been telling him what pills to take for his heart/blood pressure lately since he started being treated there more often. He had a doctor's appointment this morning and is doing better tonight. He is up and around. He made dinner tonight, but he probably won't be at work tomorrow. My mom has been going on all night criticizing my dad for being so stupid and had him write down all of the medications he was on that he didn't consider important or forgot about, or whatever the case. Back to normal- the usual bickering? haha... my parents aren't that bad. I feel so relieved in a way, yet so worried still since he isn't out of the woods yet.
Benihana type experience
I had chatted with Chris this week and he said he was free Saturday night. I suggested we do something. 5:30 rolled around and after a combo of text/IM he decided we would eat, cuddle, see a movie, and all that jazz.
I get to his place about 6:30- I had a quick errand to run prior to going over. I get to his place, we hug, and then sit down on the couch. He is uploading photos of his son to facebook. He also decides to burn a DVD of the photos for his dad. I had no clue how easy it was to make a DVD with chapters. He put some Jack Johnson songs in the background, added a few more photos, and voila he had a CD. It was fun to watch him create. He was so excited.
We go into his room so he can change. I had navy blue Levis and a brown t-shirt on, he had shorts and a t-shirt. He wanted to be more dressed up like me. He says we first need to get on the bed and we make out. He lays on top of me for a few minutes and we kiss. Then he gets up and puts on his jeans and takes all the laundry out of the dryer to find a top. We are now ready.
He asked me earlier if I'd ever have Teppan, which is like a Benihana, where they cook the food in front of you. I had heard a lot about it, but I hadn't been there. We drive over there in his car. He is one of those crazy drivers. He was singing to the songs on JACK FM as we drove over. He also asked how I am doing in Scramble, the word game app I have beat him in on our iPhones. I admitted I beat him. He asks why I didn't tell him. I told him I debated about texting him but I thought it would be more fun to have him log onto the game and see my high score, then possibly text me upset, or something to that effect.
At the restaurant we are seated, a few others, including an annoying girl and her boyfriend were also sat at our table. We all place our orders, then a few minutes later the chef comes. The skill to throw the knife and other grill tools around amused me. The first course was a mushroom and beef soup, the second was a salad, then fried rice. The fried rice was SOOOOOOOOOOO good. I didn't eat all of mine, but it was really good. The shrimp then went on. Then the meat went on the grill- chicken and steaks. I had the New York Steak and Chris had the teryaki chicken. I was surprised that they just put the teryaki marinade on in the last few seconds of cooking. We ate off of each others plate. He ate some of my steak and I had some of his chicken. Both were great. The final part was the vegetables like onions, zucchini, and mushrooms. It was funny because Chris was eating the onions on my plate that I didn't eat (only because I was stuffed), but it was amusing because he did that the other night at PF Changs. He likes onions like me- he goes out of his way to eat them too. haha. At dinner we talk about random stuff like what movie we want to see.
When we leave the restuarant we talk about family and what everyone is up to today- my mom was having a dinner get together with Linda and another friend, then my sister and dad were up to something else. He told me about his sister and mom coming over tomorrow. He asks how my Spanish presentations went and my Women's Studies. I told him about the dumb bitch I was with for my Spanish presentation who described my college as a nation. Then I told him about my Women's Studies professor who snorts instead of laughing and thought my presentation was highly amusing, although I'm not sure why. We get a little distracted, or I do at least, telling my stories because we see someone who has Budweiser and other neon signs on the windows of their house, like a bar. Then Chris announces they're playing a good song, which I paused to hear. It was Prince's "Little Red Corvette," which I told him is probably the song I've listened to the most on my iTunes. I just checked and I've played it 24 times, which is 8 more times than the next most played song, "One Step at a Time" by Jordin Sparks. We sang that as we pulled into the apartment complex.
We get back to his apartment and realize we have over an hour to kill. We watch some "Law and Order," then go to his bedroom to kill time. We take our pants and shirts off, then cuddle under the covers. I hold him and it felt so good. Then we kiss, do lots of that, roll around on each other, he sucks my ears, then moves down to my dick. He sucks me for a few minutes, then moves back up, we kiss, and jack each other off. We kiss some more, then we jack ourselves off, clean up, and realize it was 10:24 and we missed the movie by 4 minutes. We watch another episode of "Law and Order" instead and we get through in about 40 minutes thanks to Tivo.
It is 11:20 or so when we are done with the episode and we're both very tired. He walks me out to my car, we hug, and he jokes about me needing a license plate frame saying I'm an alumni of my college. I told him I didn't want to advertise that college and he laughed. I said I was much happier with the license plate frame I have on my car already, nice and simple, it is silver and it says the make of my car.
I get to his place about 6:30- I had a quick errand to run prior to going over. I get to his place, we hug, and then sit down on the couch. He is uploading photos of his son to facebook. He also decides to burn a DVD of the photos for his dad. I had no clue how easy it was to make a DVD with chapters. He put some Jack Johnson songs in the background, added a few more photos, and voila he had a CD. It was fun to watch him create. He was so excited.
We go into his room so he can change. I had navy blue Levis and a brown t-shirt on, he had shorts and a t-shirt. He wanted to be more dressed up like me. He says we first need to get on the bed and we make out. He lays on top of me for a few minutes and we kiss. Then he gets up and puts on his jeans and takes all the laundry out of the dryer to find a top. We are now ready.
He asked me earlier if I'd ever have Teppan, which is like a Benihana, where they cook the food in front of you. I had heard a lot about it, but I hadn't been there. We drive over there in his car. He is one of those crazy drivers. He was singing to the songs on JACK FM as we drove over. He also asked how I am doing in Scramble, the word game app I have beat him in on our iPhones. I admitted I beat him. He asks why I didn't tell him. I told him I debated about texting him but I thought it would be more fun to have him log onto the game and see my high score, then possibly text me upset, or something to that effect.
At the restaurant we are seated, a few others, including an annoying girl and her boyfriend were also sat at our table. We all place our orders, then a few minutes later the chef comes. The skill to throw the knife and other grill tools around amused me. The first course was a mushroom and beef soup, the second was a salad, then fried rice. The fried rice was SOOOOOOOOOOO good. I didn't eat all of mine, but it was really good. The shrimp then went on. Then the meat went on the grill- chicken and steaks. I had the New York Steak and Chris had the teryaki chicken. I was surprised that they just put the teryaki marinade on in the last few seconds of cooking. We ate off of each others plate. He ate some of my steak and I had some of his chicken. Both were great. The final part was the vegetables like onions, zucchini, and mushrooms. It was funny because Chris was eating the onions on my plate that I didn't eat (only because I was stuffed), but it was amusing because he did that the other night at PF Changs. He likes onions like me- he goes out of his way to eat them too. haha. At dinner we talk about random stuff like what movie we want to see.
When we leave the restuarant we talk about family and what everyone is up to today- my mom was having a dinner get together with Linda and another friend, then my sister and dad were up to something else. He told me about his sister and mom coming over tomorrow. He asks how my Spanish presentations went and my Women's Studies. I told him about the dumb bitch I was with for my Spanish presentation who described my college as a nation. Then I told him about my Women's Studies professor who snorts instead of laughing and thought my presentation was highly amusing, although I'm not sure why. We get a little distracted, or I do at least, telling my stories because we see someone who has Budweiser and other neon signs on the windows of their house, like a bar. Then Chris announces they're playing a good song, which I paused to hear. It was Prince's "Little Red Corvette," which I told him is probably the song I've listened to the most on my iTunes. I just checked and I've played it 24 times, which is 8 more times than the next most played song, "One Step at a Time" by Jordin Sparks. We sang that as we pulled into the apartment complex.
We get back to his apartment and realize we have over an hour to kill. We watch some "Law and Order," then go to his bedroom to kill time. We take our pants and shirts off, then cuddle under the covers. I hold him and it felt so good. Then we kiss, do lots of that, roll around on each other, he sucks my ears, then moves down to my dick. He sucks me for a few minutes, then moves back up, we kiss, and jack each other off. We kiss some more, then we jack ourselves off, clean up, and realize it was 10:24 and we missed the movie by 4 minutes. We watch another episode of "Law and Order" instead and we get through in about 40 minutes thanks to Tivo.
It is 11:20 or so when we are done with the episode and we're both very tired. He walks me out to my car, we hug, and he jokes about me needing a license plate frame saying I'm an alumni of my college. I told him I didn't want to advertise that college and he laughed. I said I was much happier with the license plate frame I have on my car already, nice and simple, it is silver and it says the make of my car.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Lost his drag show virginity
I was having a really rough night last night. My mom had a terrible day at work and some of the developments made me upset. My dad was still loopy and loose because the oxygen isn't getting to his brain like it should, which is disturbing in and of itself- we're worried about the long term effects. My dad's blood pressure raising medicines that he has been prescribed are not doing the trick. The blood thickener he used to be on isn't working. He is pretty much confined to the couch because of dizziness and forgetfulness, so I had to make dinner, and I just wasn't in a good humor.
I texted Dennis at about 6:30 and I said we should go to a drag show. He texted me back and said it'd take some convincing. I told him I'd get VIP seats for the show and it was at 11. He said he'd see me at 10.
See? I don't need Carl to go. HAHA
I get to the club at 10 and Dennis comes a few minutes later. He had never been to a club and was dismayed he had to pull out his ID. We paid the cover and went in. I knew we both wouldn't be drinking, and that was fine.
He asked me where I decided to go for my teaching credential, school, life, and all the other stuff. I went down the list telling him what was going on. Just told him it was a difficult week with work, school, and then my dad's health. I left it at that. I asked him about work. He said he was ready to graduate, told me about job hunting, and things like that. I know he opens up much better to me online, so I wasn't expecting anything earth shattering in person. We had fun joking around as I told him stories about the students like with my shoes on Thursday, my little troublemakers I sub for, and other random stuff.
The seating started 30 minutes before the show and we sat in the back row. We laughed at the drunk lesbians next to us.
The show featured a lot of older songs last night, but also the most amusing scene from Ab Fab making fun of being an alcoholic. The drag queen had a lit cigarette and a bottle of champaigne. She then started stumbling around wetting members of the audience. I seemed to take the brunt of that as I was at the back where she was standing too. There were a couple Gloria Estefan songs like "Caridad," which were totally amusing because Spanish just seemed to complicate the mix, but also the drag queen brought out a bag of tortillas, started eating them, then threw them at the audience. I got hit with a tortilla, which was hysterical to Dennis. I joked with Dennis I got beat up by food.
The Pink drag queen did "So What," and damn she was good. Seriously. She also performed "Bad Influence," which was good.
After the show we stood around and Dennis asked what the appeal was for me to go there. I told him that I do see people I know and I mentioned people from high school, my neighbor, and other random people.
By this time he was relaxed and said he wanted to go outside to the patio. We went out there and stood around talking about school, yet again. We also talked about some of the people we saw around there. I think Dennis was a little surprised and how risque some of the people were dressed.
Anyways, by 1:00 he was yawning and said we should head home.
I logged onto facebook this morning and saw that he "enjoyed his time at the club with his brother." HAHA... I'm glad that Dennis considers me a good friend, like a brother.
I texted Dennis at about 6:30 and I said we should go to a drag show. He texted me back and said it'd take some convincing. I told him I'd get VIP seats for the show and it was at 11. He said he'd see me at 10.
See? I don't need Carl to go. HAHA
I get to the club at 10 and Dennis comes a few minutes later. He had never been to a club and was dismayed he had to pull out his ID. We paid the cover and went in. I knew we both wouldn't be drinking, and that was fine.
He asked me where I decided to go for my teaching credential, school, life, and all the other stuff. I went down the list telling him what was going on. Just told him it was a difficult week with work, school, and then my dad's health. I left it at that. I asked him about work. He said he was ready to graduate, told me about job hunting, and things like that. I know he opens up much better to me online, so I wasn't expecting anything earth shattering in person. We had fun joking around as I told him stories about the students like with my shoes on Thursday, my little troublemakers I sub for, and other random stuff.
The seating started 30 minutes before the show and we sat in the back row. We laughed at the drunk lesbians next to us.
The show featured a lot of older songs last night, but also the most amusing scene from Ab Fab making fun of being an alcoholic. The drag queen had a lit cigarette and a bottle of champaigne. She then started stumbling around wetting members of the audience. I seemed to take the brunt of that as I was at the back where she was standing too. There were a couple Gloria Estefan songs like "Caridad," which were totally amusing because Spanish just seemed to complicate the mix, but also the drag queen brought out a bag of tortillas, started eating them, then threw them at the audience. I got hit with a tortilla, which was hysterical to Dennis. I joked with Dennis I got beat up by food.
The Pink drag queen did "So What," and damn she was good. Seriously. She also performed "Bad Influence," which was good.
After the show we stood around and Dennis asked what the appeal was for me to go there. I told him that I do see people I know and I mentioned people from high school, my neighbor, and other random people.
By this time he was relaxed and said he wanted to go outside to the patio. We went out there and stood around talking about school, yet again. We also talked about some of the people we saw around there. I think Dennis was a little surprised and how risque some of the people were dressed.
Anyways, by 1:00 he was yawning and said we should head home.
I logged onto facebook this morning and saw that he "enjoyed his time at the club with his brother." HAHA... I'm glad that Dennis considers me a good friend, like a brother.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Do we think it is going to be the last email?
Carl wrote and said...
In all honesty I am not sure whether or not to write back. I feel like he is beating a dead horse. Every Friday and Saturday when he is lonely I get a myspace message. No worries, but I just don't know.
My letter would probably go something like this- I'm kind of in a bitchy mood today- be forewarned
I do not believe I was in the wrong, not playing the victim. It was YOU for being inflexible about your birthday. I was more than accommodating telling you we could go to Disneyland the day before or after my birthday. I don't need the constant blame when I don't do something- not able to hang out, not able to celebrate your birthday when you wanted, that I did this, did that, whatever.
You're always preaching if someone pisses you off to cut them out of your life, why don't you follow that information? I have done it. You always told me if someone pissed me off to tell them to fuck off. You told me you weren't forgiving with friends. So why are you forgiving with me? Oh. Because you're lonely. I have great support. Gonzo, Dennis, Foot Fetish, The Guy, fellow bloggers, and readers. The Guy, fellow bloggers, and readers have all affirmed I'm in the right.
I do miss going to the club, but I don't miss you not having a car and me having to drive.
Love,
Mike
well, i cant apologize for what happened because i was not really at fault. i was hurt! did I over react? I dont think so.. given the same situation, and you be the victim- i would think you would understand where i was coming from!
i can apologize to the fact that we seem to not have a friendship anymore, and i wish it wasnt so. i can forgive what happened and look ahead. i just hope that if you can be my friend again, you can understand where I was coming from and try to learn from it because you are in the wrong. friendship is golden after all!
i miss hanging out with you, going out with you, and spending time with you! we were great when we were in each others presence! we have fun together! i do miss that!
i'll just be more careful next year if I decide to go to disneyland for my birthday! perhaps i'll kidnap your professors and bind & gag them before they can give you homework!
ha ha
anyway-
i am sorry mike, and wish we could continue our friendship! it would be good to see you. i miss going to the club with you and watching the drag show, and dancing with you and feeling your hard-on! LOL
anyway-
this will just probably get read by you and deleted afterward.
if you dont call me, i guess this will be my last e-mail to you since it would be obvious that you dont want to havve a friendship with me anymore.
Carl
In all honesty I am not sure whether or not to write back. I feel like he is beating a dead horse. Every Friday and Saturday when he is lonely I get a myspace message. No worries, but I just don't know.
My letter would probably go something like this- I'm kind of in a bitchy mood today- be forewarned
I do not believe I was in the wrong, not playing the victim. It was YOU for being inflexible about your birthday. I was more than accommodating telling you we could go to Disneyland the day before or after my birthday. I don't need the constant blame when I don't do something- not able to hang out, not able to celebrate your birthday when you wanted, that I did this, did that, whatever.
You're always preaching if someone pisses you off to cut them out of your life, why don't you follow that information? I have done it. You always told me if someone pissed me off to tell them to fuck off. You told me you weren't forgiving with friends. So why are you forgiving with me? Oh. Because you're lonely. I have great support. Gonzo, Dennis, Foot Fetish, The Guy, fellow bloggers, and readers. The Guy, fellow bloggers, and readers have all affirmed I'm in the right.
I do miss going to the club, but I don't miss you not having a car and me having to drive.
Love,
Mike
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Shoes!
We all know I have quite the shoe fetish. The kids we know always talk about what I wear, and today was no exception...
Shoes complemented by beige khaki pants and a sky blue zip polo shirt.
Subbed for the severely handicapped class today and all day the kids were asking, "where did you buy your shoes? "Did you buy them at the Vans store?" "Were they expensive?" "Your shoes match your pants." "Your shoes also match your shirt." "Did you choose what color of fabrics went together?" "Are those carpet?" Also got lots of comments walking out and about. I try to avoid these shoes as they're a bit casual; but they're fun shoes, they matched what I was wearing, and hey, the kids are paying attention... to something...
Shoes complemented by beige khaki pants and a sky blue zip polo shirt.
Subbed for the severely handicapped class today and all day the kids were asking, "where did you buy your shoes? "Did you buy them at the Vans store?" "Were they expensive?" "Your shoes match your pants." "Your shoes also match your shirt." "Did you choose what color of fabrics went together?" "Are those carpet?" Also got lots of comments walking out and about. I try to avoid these shoes as they're a bit casual; but they're fun shoes, they matched what I was wearing, and hey, the kids are paying attention... to something...
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Drink with Mr. B
Tonight was the end of the year banquet at the high school. I joked with Gonzo that I was going to ask Mr. B out to get that drink we had talked about during the Christmas Party at work.
The night was wrapping up and we were helping to put the tables away when he comes over. Mr. B shakes my hand and I said "it's almost over" in reference to the fact I was graduating and I thought that's why he was coming to shake my hand. Gonzo shrieked, "ask him." I said "I think it is about time for that drink that you wanted." His eyes lit up and he had the biggest smile. He said we will do it. He just needs 1 drink and we'll split the pizza at Yardhouse one of these days. He said we're not inviting any of the crazy crew from 11th grade, just an intimate conversation about life and the future. We exchanged phone numbers and so I'll give him a ring about the time school lets out I think.
He said I made his night. He made mine. I expect it'll be lots of laughs, lots of serious talk, lots of beer, and pizza.
The night was wrapping up and we were helping to put the tables away when he comes over. Mr. B shakes my hand and I said "it's almost over" in reference to the fact I was graduating and I thought that's why he was coming to shake my hand. Gonzo shrieked, "ask him." I said "I think it is about time for that drink that you wanted." His eyes lit up and he had the biggest smile. He said we will do it. He just needs 1 drink and we'll split the pizza at Yardhouse one of these days. He said we're not inviting any of the crazy crew from 11th grade, just an intimate conversation about life and the future. We exchanged phone numbers and so I'll give him a ring about the time school lets out I think.
He said I made his night. He made mine. I expect it'll be lots of laughs, lots of serious talk, lots of beer, and pizza.
Backstory
The Guy and I hung out yesterday, finally. We had been texting/calling and he was finally free yesterday afternoon. He has been very busy at work. He actually had to work Tuesday because they're redoing the internet at his work, and he is the go to guy. He texted me 2-3 times to say he might be late and it'd be closer to 3 before we could hang out.
When he is on his way home he calls me. My phone goes straight to voicemail, so I call him back and let him know I'm on my way. I tell him it was a difficult day because of my sister. She has been behaving herself, but yesterday she wasn't. My family doesn't have a lot of money right now. My parents are teachers, so we live paycheck to paycheck since they're paid once a month. My dad's health problems this year have compounded the problem. I learned some things that I wasn't supposed to about this the other day in fact. This note becomes important later.
For the past 2-3 weeks since we ordered my graduation pictures, my sister has been asking "what do I want for graduation?" "What am I going to break the bank with in asking for?" She has been reminding mom and dad that I need something for graduation.
The truth of the matter is I don't need anything. 2-3 weeks ago I was talking with my dad in my bedroom when he popped in one night, which is not unusual. We talk about stuff like family, school, whatever is on our minds. These convos are a lot like what I have with him, like when I came out to him in the car. During this particular talk, even before my sister said anything, I told him straight out I know times are tough and I don't want anything for graduation. I would rather us all be comfortable, have what would have been put toward anyting for me for graduation to be used for the family to cover expenses. I have things pretty well- graduating college debt free, in 4 years, and my parents only had to shell out $250 registration fees to cover my tuition each quarter. I know what my parents make, how much we're shelling out towards each thing, and I know each month since January has been very close because of my dad's health, stuff with my aunt, and other unexpected expenses.
Anyways, she was harassing me yesterday saying I'm not getting anything for graduation because I'm not loved, I'm too expensive, and my parents can't afford me. All of this I know is not true, I know her words shouldn't have an effect on me, but they do. She was asking what I want. She was telling me how my parents know I need a computer desperately and I'm not getting one because we can't afford it.
She upset me. This was the first time she was allowed to stay home on the same day I was at home in months. She lost that privilege for sure. I threatened and I told her that I am going to pick up the phone to call mom and dad at work. That helped a little. I finally got mean and nasty and told her TO TAKE OFF. SHE BETTER NOT COME BACK WHILE I WAS HOME, OR SHE WILL WISH SHE HADN'T. I WAS LIVID BY THIS TIME. She left.
I was so glad to see The Guy and just be driving over to his house. I was happy to be going anywhere. So I told him the story on the phone.
When I get to his place he is playing WOW. He is level 80. My tune is only 64. He asked if I wanted to play. I said it wasn't fun with him. So he was on his big desktop and had the iMac there set up, ready to go. He put "Sex and the City" on for me and he played. We chatted occasionally. Both of us seemed tense. By about 5p.m. we both seemed to be much calmer. He was checking out macaddict and other sites like facebook.
Mike, his ex, came onto facebook messenger a few minutes after he logged onto facebook. He was talking about the WEHO rally. The Guy used this time to ask about his friend Chris. Mike said he was a great guy. Mike asked about what I thought about Chris. The Guy exaggerated saying things like "love at first sight," "I'm just a big love lollipop," and "I really like him." Mike said that was good. Mike said that Chris needs a lot of love. MEANING? He is insecure? Needs lots of attention? Affection? More likely to get the attention elsewhere if he feels like he is not getting what he needs from me?Anyways, Mike said further that Chris needs more time to become comfortable with himself. The Guy asked if that meant in coming out and things like that. Mike said both. That clarified a lot and I was glad to hear. I think so far we're compatible. I'm not flambouyant and I'm respectful of him, and will be supportive.
Anyways, Mike logged off. The Guy looked at his workout for the day on the internet. He ran around cleaning up the house and used the bathroom. During this time my mom called. She was with my dad at the hospital. My dad was having a C/T scan because he came home early from work complaining about feeling really stressed. He was taken to the doctor and the doctor ordered a CT scan. Personally, I think much more is going on there than my dad is leaning on. My mom told me not to worry, they'd be home in a while, and she just wanted me to know to pick something up for dinner.
The Guy asked if I was ok. I said yes. I played it cool, and for the mostpart, I was very calm. I just opened up and talked normal and I told The Guy the following: I said I wasn't surprised because of everything that was going on (sister, aunt, work, stress at work, money, money for me to get my teaching crednetial, and my dad feels insecure). My dad has distanced himself it seems lately. He seems to be back to where he was 3-4 years ago before he reunited with his Army buddies. That sort of distance. He doesn't seem as loving, as affectionate, much less interested. He is in counseling and he has apparently been asked to keep a diary of stuff. I happened to come across it in his car. It was scribbled on computer paper. Some of the stuff he said just blew me away. Much of it I knew, but then I found out things like he is going to ask my uncle for a loan to buy me something for graduation, and how he is not comfortable with that. Reading that just killed me inside. I haven't asked for anything. I know the only reason this is being brought up is my sister. I feel bad that I know where the money is coming from. I feel bad my dad has to do that, especially when he is so fragile emotionally. I am not, and still don't feel ok with my dad doing that. As The Guy said, it is his choice. I know that, but that my dad is doing this hurts. I know that a lot of my dad's pride is lost when he has to do that, that he feels obligated, perhaps like I'm asking for it. I'M NOT.
We talked more about my dad's health and how I think it is being kept a secret. Sure it is easy to see what is going on at Kaiser if we were to log onto my dad's health records, but he is now being treated a great deal at the VA for service related problems. We can't see those, and I think that is where my dad is going for the stuff he isn't telling my mom and I about.
The Guy did pep me up by saying that I have been so strong. I have battled the system. Everytime I Have an issue at my college whether it be with grades, administration, whatever, I battle it. I have been able to graduate in 4 because of that. He said that maybe I shouldn't have seen that. He knows if what my dad had written were in such plain sight, he would have done the same. He said at least my uncle is making a good investment. My uncle pays tons in taxes each year, so my uncle is benefitting because I'm an investment. He is regifting the money toward me, which for the amount in loans my dad is asking from my uncle for school, as well as a gift is going for a good cause because I won't waste my time. I'll get in, get my credential, be in the classroom, and that I truly care about kids is more than a worthy investment. It made me feel better to think of it that way. I just feel weird around my uncle and stuff like that. What's more is I'm almost 100% sure my mom does not know about this, and my dad is going to keep it that way.
The Guy and I think the reason sister is doing all of this is so that she can ensure she gets something for her graduation in a few years. If I don't, she won't. Lame.
The Guy asked if I wanted to go to Best Buy with him so he could buy Vonage. We hit Best Buy and the Farmers Market. We also picked up his drycleaning.
Josh and him were doing sushi for dinner, so The Guy took off about 6:45 to pick that up and I headed to the rally. We hugged before we headed off in our own direction.
This has actually turned into a really tough post to write that I was debating about, but I just let it all out. I feel like I'm letting everyone in and seeing all of my family's weaknesses and vulnerabilities. It just seems like TMI, but whatever. I cried a lot while writing this. I was mainly going to blog about Chris and keep it nice and short, but I didn't realize how big the dad issue was to this post and how I need to vent.
When he is on his way home he calls me. My phone goes straight to voicemail, so I call him back and let him know I'm on my way. I tell him it was a difficult day because of my sister. She has been behaving herself, but yesterday she wasn't. My family doesn't have a lot of money right now. My parents are teachers, so we live paycheck to paycheck since they're paid once a month. My dad's health problems this year have compounded the problem. I learned some things that I wasn't supposed to about this the other day in fact. This note becomes important later.
For the past 2-3 weeks since we ordered my graduation pictures, my sister has been asking "what do I want for graduation?" "What am I going to break the bank with in asking for?" She has been reminding mom and dad that I need something for graduation.
The truth of the matter is I don't need anything. 2-3 weeks ago I was talking with my dad in my bedroom when he popped in one night, which is not unusual. We talk about stuff like family, school, whatever is on our minds. These convos are a lot like what I have with him, like when I came out to him in the car. During this particular talk, even before my sister said anything, I told him straight out I know times are tough and I don't want anything for graduation. I would rather us all be comfortable, have what would have been put toward anyting for me for graduation to be used for the family to cover expenses. I have things pretty well- graduating college debt free, in 4 years, and my parents only had to shell out $250 registration fees to cover my tuition each quarter. I know what my parents make, how much we're shelling out towards each thing, and I know each month since January has been very close because of my dad's health, stuff with my aunt, and other unexpected expenses.
Anyways, she was harassing me yesterday saying I'm not getting anything for graduation because I'm not loved, I'm too expensive, and my parents can't afford me. All of this I know is not true, I know her words shouldn't have an effect on me, but they do. She was asking what I want. She was telling me how my parents know I need a computer desperately and I'm not getting one because we can't afford it.
She upset me. This was the first time she was allowed to stay home on the same day I was at home in months. She lost that privilege for sure. I threatened and I told her that I am going to pick up the phone to call mom and dad at work. That helped a little. I finally got mean and nasty and told her TO TAKE OFF. SHE BETTER NOT COME BACK WHILE I WAS HOME, OR SHE WILL WISH SHE HADN'T. I WAS LIVID BY THIS TIME. She left.
I was so glad to see The Guy and just be driving over to his house. I was happy to be going anywhere. So I told him the story on the phone.
When I get to his place he is playing WOW. He is level 80. My tune is only 64. He asked if I wanted to play. I said it wasn't fun with him. So he was on his big desktop and had the iMac there set up, ready to go. He put "Sex and the City" on for me and he played. We chatted occasionally. Both of us seemed tense. By about 5p.m. we both seemed to be much calmer. He was checking out macaddict and other sites like facebook.
Mike, his ex, came onto facebook messenger a few minutes after he logged onto facebook. He was talking about the WEHO rally. The Guy used this time to ask about his friend Chris. Mike said he was a great guy. Mike asked about what I thought about Chris. The Guy exaggerated saying things like "love at first sight," "I'm just a big love lollipop," and "I really like him." Mike said that was good. Mike said that Chris needs a lot of love. MEANING? He is insecure? Needs lots of attention? Affection? More likely to get the attention elsewhere if he feels like he is not getting what he needs from me?Anyways, Mike said further that Chris needs more time to become comfortable with himself. The Guy asked if that meant in coming out and things like that. Mike said both. That clarified a lot and I was glad to hear. I think so far we're compatible. I'm not flambouyant and I'm respectful of him, and will be supportive.
Anyways, Mike logged off. The Guy looked at his workout for the day on the internet. He ran around cleaning up the house and used the bathroom. During this time my mom called. She was with my dad at the hospital. My dad was having a C/T scan because he came home early from work complaining about feeling really stressed. He was taken to the doctor and the doctor ordered a CT scan. Personally, I think much more is going on there than my dad is leaning on. My mom told me not to worry, they'd be home in a while, and she just wanted me to know to pick something up for dinner.
The Guy asked if I was ok. I said yes. I played it cool, and for the mostpart, I was very calm. I just opened up and talked normal and I told The Guy the following: I said I wasn't surprised because of everything that was going on (sister, aunt, work, stress at work, money, money for me to get my teaching crednetial, and my dad feels insecure). My dad has distanced himself it seems lately. He seems to be back to where he was 3-4 years ago before he reunited with his Army buddies. That sort of distance. He doesn't seem as loving, as affectionate, much less interested. He is in counseling and he has apparently been asked to keep a diary of stuff. I happened to come across it in his car. It was scribbled on computer paper. Some of the stuff he said just blew me away. Much of it I knew, but then I found out things like he is going to ask my uncle for a loan to buy me something for graduation, and how he is not comfortable with that. Reading that just killed me inside. I haven't asked for anything. I know the only reason this is being brought up is my sister. I feel bad that I know where the money is coming from. I feel bad my dad has to do that, especially when he is so fragile emotionally. I am not, and still don't feel ok with my dad doing that. As The Guy said, it is his choice. I know that, but that my dad is doing this hurts. I know that a lot of my dad's pride is lost when he has to do that, that he feels obligated, perhaps like I'm asking for it. I'M NOT.
We talked more about my dad's health and how I think it is being kept a secret. Sure it is easy to see what is going on at Kaiser if we were to log onto my dad's health records, but he is now being treated a great deal at the VA for service related problems. We can't see those, and I think that is where my dad is going for the stuff he isn't telling my mom and I about.
The Guy did pep me up by saying that I have been so strong. I have battled the system. Everytime I Have an issue at my college whether it be with grades, administration, whatever, I battle it. I have been able to graduate in 4 because of that. He said that maybe I shouldn't have seen that. He knows if what my dad had written were in such plain sight, he would have done the same. He said at least my uncle is making a good investment. My uncle pays tons in taxes each year, so my uncle is benefitting because I'm an investment. He is regifting the money toward me, which for the amount in loans my dad is asking from my uncle for school, as well as a gift is going for a good cause because I won't waste my time. I'll get in, get my credential, be in the classroom, and that I truly care about kids is more than a worthy investment. It made me feel better to think of it that way. I just feel weird around my uncle and stuff like that. What's more is I'm almost 100% sure my mom does not know about this, and my dad is going to keep it that way.
The Guy and I think the reason sister is doing all of this is so that she can ensure she gets something for her graduation in a few years. If I don't, she won't. Lame.
The Guy asked if I wanted to go to Best Buy with him so he could buy Vonage. We hit Best Buy and the Farmers Market. We also picked up his drycleaning.
Josh and him were doing sushi for dinner, so The Guy took off about 6:45 to pick that up and I headed to the rally. We hugged before we headed off in our own direction.
This has actually turned into a really tough post to write that I was debating about, but I just let it all out. I feel like I'm letting everyone in and seeing all of my family's weaknesses and vulnerabilities. It just seems like TMI, but whatever. I cried a lot while writing this. I was mainly going to blog about Chris and keep it nice and short, but I didn't realize how big the dad issue was to this post and how I need to vent.
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