Losing a best friend

Losing The Guy's friendship - if that's what has happened - has left me wondering and feeling empty when it comes to friends.

Some people have many best friends. I have a few, and I try to keep them close. My 4 best friends are my friend the pilot, but I can't talk about things like sexuality with him. Career, yes, family, yes. I can share just about anything with Sissy, but there's 2 things I don't feel comfortable talking with her about - money and my partner - I don't have negative things to say about my partner, but she knows him well too, and likes him, and I feel like I can't say a lot because of that. I know all about her marital problems, and money issues, but it feels weird for me to share with her. Gonzo is another I can share just about anything with, however, I don't feel like she has real advice to give me sometimes, like with teaching, or life experiences because she hasn't been there.

The Guy was someone I could share everything with - about family, friends, work, school, career, life, you name it. I don't have that anymore, and I miss it. We hadn't really seen each other since my schedule switched to mornings. It was always hit and miss, and he didn't seem to be willing to meet up for breakfast, when I suggested. Was our friendship gone then? We had worked for about 4-5 months to get together, then when I said some things, maybe that severed it completely. We did chat a few times, and had good conversations prior to me saying those things. I just still ponder - was it that final thing I said? Was it my persistence? He was the one who always said he appreciated it because otherwise he wouldn't get out and see people. I appreciated his friendship, and always tried to reciprocate.

I just feel like I'm lacking a best friend - some people say their partner is - and I certainly consider my partner my best friend, but it is hard I guess.

Some biz going on in my life

Let's see...

Summer classes for my admin credential are going fine. I'm ahead, so that's good, I am actually able to have a summer.

Still working on the state project. LOTS more to go, but going to work hard to knock a lot out tomorrow and Wednesday.

Friday I was in a fender bender getting off the freeway - I was at the stop, the guy didn't see me until the last moment, and plowed into me. It literally bent the fender of my car. I was driving my partner's luxury SUV. Wasn't my fault. Insurance has been great. I was so worried my partner would be upset, but he's glad since the car has a lot of miles and the headlights on the lift gate should match again... haha.

Spent the weekend shopping.

Last night my mom sent me a terrible text I didn't want to hear. I heard about a month and a half ago that Momma P had been using a breathing tube at night. Friday night she had a heart attack, and died Saturday afternoon about 4pm. I was stunned. I wanted to cry, and it was everything to hold back tears. This woman's legacy is incredible. She always wanted her hug, and I can still hear her raspy voice saying "gimme a hug." She was always so cheery. She always asked my mom how I was. I can't believe she is gone. She was the heart of all of the staff get togethers. My mom still meets them monthly, but I look forward to the updates. Momma knew everything about everyone. I'm saddened even further I probably won't be able to make the funeral since I have had vacation plans for 6, and can't cancel, otherwise I'm not going to be able to meet up with my partner and his friend. I think the last time I saw Momma was about a year and a half ago - maybe when my mom had a get together at the buffet with all the staff. I feel like I've seen her more recently, but now it is escaping me. That's one part of my schedule at work that bites. I can't go to the getogethers. It is going to feel strange not hearing about her, and knowing she truly is gone.

Last night I also sold my car. The first car I bought independent of my parents. The guy who bought it was about 22. He gave me about $800 more than I could get trading it in. Woo.

Gonzo and I got together today. I haven't seen her in probably a year. I saw her when she was student teaching. She and my dad went to IHOP. I had resources to give her since she will be a first year teacher this coming year. I got to meet her daughter who was only 3-4 months old at the time. So happy for Gonzo, and so excited that she finally got her teaching job!!!

Avoiding my family

I call my parents each day as I am leaving work. I called them Tuesday night and was annoyed. My mom was complaining about this or that, and whether or not we could get together this week. I called her Wed night because it was her birthday, but only spoke for about 2 minutes, then I cut the call short because I was annoyed, and was getting into the car.

I got a text from my dad while at work Thursday saying they wanted to meet me in the city I work, and asked what restaurants were around. I mentioned all restaurants but TGI Fridays. I hate Fridays. My parents love it. I asked if we had to go there, and if we could go to Chilis. My mom doesn't like Chilis, and my dad said "NO." There's a BJ's in the city I work, and one a few cities away. Suddenly they asked if I wanted to go to the BJ's a few cities away. When you were just telling me about coming over to near where I work why are we going that far out? NO. My dad texted asking if the time could be made later. I said I have to be home by 7:30, and that was that.

It feels weird that I didn't call them Friday, but you annoyed me, and I'm still annoyed.

Ouch ouch fuck fuck

Yesterday at work I played in the students vs. staff softball game. And we have the worst student pitchers. The balls are thrown all over. And they have been playing softball for several weeks!

I can tell you the last time I held a bat - last year during the softball game on the last day of school. I hit pretty well last year despite sucky pitches. I think part of it was that this kid pitching today couldn't pitch to lefties. All of us lefties were getting horrible pitches.

So we were playing. I struck out my first at bat, and was swinging at random shit. In the 8th I made my final at bat, and at bat, I hit a ball that made it to about 2nd base. When I hit I don't know if I was in surprise, but I took off running, or maybe hadn't yet. I made a small jump, came down on my knee, am starting to tremble, and feel my right leg extend to the right as I'm coming down. I'm losing my balance, but manage to keep my grace and stay on my feet, and make it to first base. I made it. WHEW. SAFE. It must be a muscle spasm or something, but it hurts like hell. It is my side calf and front calf that hurts. I knew this would hurt for days. I am hoping it is just a spasm. It is not a sprain. It doesn't feel like the bone. But OH... it hurts. I am walking around like the senior history teacher, with a limp. I already have a terrible left knee, so this isn't welcoming news. I'm optimistic it is only temporary.

All I could think about after the injury was ouch ouch fuck fuck.

I massaged it - whether or not I should have - it felt better. I also iced it most of last night. I had my leg up on the couch all night. Now I'm going to go into work stumbling around like a fool today.

Came out to a tough crowd

I was invited out with some coworkers, which felt nice, especially at a school where I don't like and get along with many. There are a few cool people.

Big Science Teacher invited us out after graduation last night to a bar. It was about 8 guys from work, and 2 girls. About 8 of the people I like, and the rest, I'm not fans. So we were all at several tables put together, and I was about 3 Jacks in, and I felt the confidence to talk to Jullee, the new science teacher, who is sadly not able to return next year. I told her I had a partner when we were talking about things around where she lives becuase my partner and I like to go down to her city to hang out with J&B.

The night progressed and I came out to our AM math teacher. She taught PM last year. She wanted to see photos and pics. We were talking about what we like to do for fun, and I said travel, eat out, and she asked if I like to dance. I said yes, but my partner doesn't. She said "ohhh... aww... let's see him."

I'm sure the judgmental math teacher across from us, and maybe 1-2 more heard, but oh well. I am sure a few of them may speak negatively about it, but oh well.

And today in my 4th period as we are leaving for summer break a student, Mac, asked if he could ask me a personal question - he was1 of 2 kids in the room. When he said that I knew what was coming - I said he could. He said, "Mr. Teacher, are you married or gay?" I said I was gay, but partnered. He said that clears up a lot of questions. I can be whatever, he has heard I am gay, he has heard I am straight, so he didn't know. I am at the point where if kids ask I will tell them as long as it is not intimidating and I don't fear they will be chismosos or give me a hard time for it. And that was fucking hard to admit. That sounds like something Mac would say. LOL.

The Guy unfriended me on facebook

I don't know what to say.

I was just thinking I hadn't seen posts from him for a while, so went to his page, and it said "add friend."

Wow.

My partner was deleted too. I'm still friends with The Guy's partner on facebook...

Keith Urban's songs all sound the same

Anyone hear that same guitar melody throughout these 2? This urks me beyond belief. Be creative, damn it.