What I said to The Guy

I hadn't seen him since before the school year started. We tried to get together many times, and he canceled.

He invited us to his partner's birthday party. We were in. We were on our way to the party, we texted saying "see you in a few minutes..." and he canceled saying that the sent me a cancelation in a text the day after. He never did. I was upset and infuriated. This was back in November. We canceled weekend plans to attend this party.

We talked on the phone a couple times - always how busy he was - and how he is working hard.

We made dinner plans about a month and a half ago. We put an invite on the calendar. The day came, and that morning, after saying "see you tonight," go a text that he had to cancel because of work and his partner was busy. He canceled 4 times over the past couple of months. So I was mad. I decided to just go off on him and tell him how I felt. I told him I felt like a secondclass friend, and that's what my partner termed it. He said we never got a cancelation from the party because he probably forgot, and didn't care that much too because i'm a secondclass friend. I told him that. My partner said The Guy probably didn't know how to be a friend and have common courtesy about being friendly about canceling, and I told him that. I just went off about how I don't feel valued and how he could have common decency. All he said was "he is not going to change his plans for me, sorry."

That was the last I've heard. I know it was wrong to say all I did, but I said what I felt, and usually we can be honest and open with each other, and we always get over, or learn from what was said, so I said it. I sent him a text apologizing several times, an email, told him we can forget about what happened completely, or just move on. I even took a card and bottle of wine by his house around Feb 8 apologizing. Nothing. No thank you. Nothing. I have sent emails, called, and nothing. I am hurt because he is one of my best friends.

I have a couple of guesses - something is going on with his partner/their relationship, and he is hurting, so when I was bitching about him not telling us the party for his partner was canceled that struck a nerve. It could also be envy from the relationship I have with my partner. Or he could just be really stressed and backing out/avoiding, which drives me crazy. At least have the decency to send me a message.