My interview went well today for the ultimate summer job in my opinion. It is a teaching position at the college I graduated from. It would be teaching middle school/high school kids during their summer program. I can tell you that I was the most qualified- classroom and tutoring experience, experience working with low income kids, etc. etc. The other 2 candidates don't have the experience. One graduated last year and works as a vet assistant. She worked in student dining services during her undergrad. Then there is a guy who will be graduating in June and works at Bakers, a fast food joint. I know that I have the most qualifications it seems in my mind with several years of tutoring low income students and a few years subbing under my belt. I think my sample lesson plan I had to teach went very well. Either they'll go with most qualified or least perceived threat like the vet girl I'm thinking.
I went to school all dressed up tonight and everyone thought I looked nice. Lots of complements. Everyone is anxious to know if I got the job, so we're all adding each other on facebook because they want a status update if I did. I'm really getting to know these people well, and we're a fun group. We are constantly talking to each other while our teacher is talking off in her own little world. Tonight we were making fun of each other. They were teasing me for not procrastinating and being ahead on all the reading. Then the teacher singled me out for having the best paper and so there were collective groans, jokes, and "aaaaaaaaw how cute, Mike, Mike is the teacher's pet, Mike always goes above and beyond." Remember my partner, Mr. OCD from last quarter? The teacher was talking about students who are so hard headed, and always think they're right. I shouted his name out and the class laughed. We were talking about the different types of assessments and he joked about me being a hard grader in an assessment activity we did. I joked that he was the one who was setting the kid up for failure by boosting his ego by giving unfair grades simply because they are an English language learner or special ed. The class then told my partner what a bad guy he was for boosting the little kid's ego and setting him up for failure in the future when he realizes he is not as good at everything as people say. Fun times.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Serves her right
My sister kept bragging last week that her professor didn't read her work, she could turn in anything, and get an A. She decided she would write a 30 page report when the professor wanted no more than 13 pages. What she could find to talk about for 30 pages was beyond me. Apparently she couldn't find anything either, but did manager 30 pages.
Today my mom called about 2:15 after she got out of school asking why my sister was crying in a voicemail she left my mom. I had no clue. I didn't know. I told her I didn't know because she hadn't called me, and I probably wouldn't have been that sympathetic ear my sister wanted. Sister was so devastated she couldn't go home and wanted my mom to drive to her college to pick her up. Mom said she better get on the train or she would be stuck at school all night.
Turns out sister got her 30 page paper back. The professor did read it. The paper was out of 75 points. He took off 10 for being over the page limit. He took off another 15 for content because my sister's paper didn't flow and didn't make sense. She had a long 1/4 page comment going across her paper in blue ink saying that her paper was good, but then didn't flow and was hard to understand. There were also a few points taken off for some other problem. Sister received a 46/75 on her midterm paper.
It turns out sister finally admitted during dinner she pasted an essay from another class into her paper because she was convinced the professor didn't read, and she was convinced the more content you had, the better the grade. She was playing the victim during this whole thing- the professor didn't like her, she's the youngest student in the class, she is the only sophomore in a junior/senior class. She cried and cried all during dinner. My mom read her paper and clearly saw the transition from talking about the importance of contemporary rhetoric (musical lyrics, modern speeches, pop culture) to talking about the importance of interpersonal communication. Busted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
46/75!!!!
61%!!!!
Today my mom called about 2:15 after she got out of school asking why my sister was crying in a voicemail she left my mom. I had no clue. I didn't know. I told her I didn't know because she hadn't called me, and I probably wouldn't have been that sympathetic ear my sister wanted. Sister was so devastated she couldn't go home and wanted my mom to drive to her college to pick her up. Mom said she better get on the train or she would be stuck at school all night.
Turns out sister got her 30 page paper back. The professor did read it. The paper was out of 75 points. He took off 10 for being over the page limit. He took off another 15 for content because my sister's paper didn't flow and didn't make sense. She had a long 1/4 page comment going across her paper in blue ink saying that her paper was good, but then didn't flow and was hard to understand. There were also a few points taken off for some other problem. Sister received a 46/75 on her midterm paper.
It turns out sister finally admitted during dinner she pasted an essay from another class into her paper because she was convinced the professor didn't read, and she was convinced the more content you had, the better the grade. She was playing the victim during this whole thing- the professor didn't like her, she's the youngest student in the class, she is the only sophomore in a junior/senior class. She cried and cried all during dinner. My mom read her paper and clearly saw the transition from talking about the importance of contemporary rhetoric (musical lyrics, modern speeches, pop culture) to talking about the importance of interpersonal communication. Busted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
46/75!!!!
61%!!!!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Nonstop weekend
This weekend has been one of those nonstop weekends that I love.
Friday at work during lunch I was playing around on facebook on my phone and I posted a status message on facebook about wanting to go to a concert at Casino Morongo out in Cabazon. It was the free KKGO, GoCountry 105, Stagecoach preconcert. I got a message from Mal, the teacher I'm going to see Luke Bryan and Jewel with next month. She said if she could get a sitter she would go with me. I didn't get out of work until nearly 3. I get a call at 3:30 as I'm about 4 minutes from home and she said she'd meet me there at 5. I play around on the computer about 30 minutes, then head out to the desert. We met at the Serrano Buffet where we ate and chatted about all sorts of stuff- mainly work and school. Such a fun time!!! We decided we had to try our luck at slots. Mal was very conservative and spent $2. She lost it all. My limit was $10. I didn't know Morongo got rid of most of the penny machines. I lost $6 on 2 or 3 different penny machines I did find. I was sad, so went and found a 2 cent machine where my money could go twice as fast. In the first few spins I was up $16. I broke even. I gave up once I recouped my losses.
We got in line for the concert about 7:15 and the doors opened at 7:30. It was in the Vibe room. We made our way in and stood because it was mostly a standing room concert. We stood around and joked about needing a drink in our hand to be like everyone else. We never did get a drink. The concert started at 8. It was really 8:15 or so.
Mal was all over the first act, Emily West, she was all into her depressing songs and was "relatable," and totally cute. Seriously, I disagreed, and told Mal. I said Emily needed to comb her hair, use a tanning bed, and put on some clothes because that spaghetti strap showed a little too much. The second act was Steel Magnolias. The duo was cute and since it was a small venue were able to interact with the audience and tell us about themselves. Their song, "Keep on Loving You" is all over country radio, and was not my favorite, but they had a few others that weren't bad like "Ooh La La."
Now Easton Corbin was last, and they saved the best for last. He has a George Strait sounding voice, which totally melted me. He was young, cute, and totally do-able. I think with his voice and sound he'll be around for a while. My favorites of his were: "A Lot to Learn About Livin,'" "Don't Ask Me About a Woman," and "Roll With It." I went wild when he sang "A Little More Country Than That." He was sooooooo fine and his voice. He seemed a little overwhelmed by the whole thing, almost nervous, soooo cute.
Mal and I danced together, shook our hips, and other stuff all night long.
I kept telling Mal that one of the security people looked like my old barber when I was little. She laughed. I told her I was serious. He was a latino guy with a very distinctive haircut, and was very tall. I had seen this guy earlier and saw his name was Rudy, like my old barber. I was curious, went up and asked him, and sure enough it was. He remembered me. Was a little shocked I had grown so much (it had been 10 years or so), and remembered my dad. What are the chances- I was 35 miles or so from home- just goes to show I see people I know everywhere.
I guess this outing kind of sort of made up for not getting to go to Stagecoach to see Brooks & Dunn, Kenny Chesney, Sugarland, and all the others I was wanting to see.
We hugged and took off about 11:30. I got home at 12:10 or so and got to bed about 1.
I was up at 8 to do homework Saturday morning to finish it before going to Disneyland.
I met my cousins at Disneyland about 11:45. They had been there since 9. I hadn't been to Disneyland in nearly 2 years- probably June 2008 or longer ago. It was my 26 year old cousin, 12 year old cousin, 23 year old lesbian cousin and her girlfriend, her girlfriend's mom, her girlfriend's brother who was 13, and his friend. My 26yo cousin's boyfriend stayed home.
It is now $97 for a 1 day ticket to Disneyland. A basic annual pass was $169. I decided at that ridiculous price I'd go ahead and just get a basic pass that would allow me to go 170 preselected days to Disneyland. I added parking, so it was $230 or so, which was ridiculous. So um if anyone wants to go to Disneyland now, hit me up since I have an annual pass... haha
Lots of renovations under way at Disney- street cars being added to Cali Adventure, the water has been drained from River of the Americas, and a few buildings in New Orleans square being redone. Oh, and Captain EO was back. I remember Captain EO now after seeing it. I remember the captain scaring me as a child and screaming as she reached out with her claws. Scary stuff, but it brought back memories. Fun times.
Here's the Captain EO video- it is soooooooooooo much cooler in 3D, though. It's sooooo 80s... I love it!
Disney was very crowded as most lines were at least an hour. We got on Space Mountain first, and my date and riding buddy as she termed it for the day was the girlfriend's mom. We hugged and then got on Space Mountain. This lady was all about taking cute photos together. It was pretty amusing. She was like 50, very white trash, and no attraction. This lady was showing us her tattoos while we were in line for Matterhorn and telling us how her son didn't like them since his mom is supposed to be Christian. We got on 6 or 7 rides in a total of 12 hours. We ate at the Plaza Inn, and it'll be a long time before I eat there again. I despise Disney food. Anyways, the mom was an interesting character belching loud during dinner, eating green beans with her hands. Lots of stopping to take photos practically EVERYWHERE. My cousins are the photo type people who take pictures of anything and everything. We did, believe me. My cousins in total took about 500 photos they calculated. The 2 boys were constantly poking me and we played the poking game in most of the lines. I sensed they were looking at me kind of like they liked me. It was weird. They were cool, though.
It was crazy how many gay guys were at Disneyland on Grindr. For chat I assume (haha... yeah... right), cause unless you have a hotel, what are you going to do at Disneyland? I had chats going on with several guys during the day- one guy who worked there and was 26. He wanted to meet up since I drove alone after I left, and he messaged me on Grindr about 12:30a.m. as I was leaving, and said if he had a place we'd get together. I had 2-3 guys staying in a hotel room and invited me up. I had other random guys message me and ask me what ride I was on. Driving home I just kept Grindr open for the hell of it as I was cruising down the 91 and I had about 12 messages by the time I got home. One guy sent me 4-5 pics of him and his nice uncut dick, his location, and asked what I wanted to do.
We stayed until 12. I didn't get to my car until 12:30. It was 1:05 or so before I got home, and 1:30 before bed. I got up about 9.
Friday at work during lunch I was playing around on facebook on my phone and I posted a status message on facebook about wanting to go to a concert at Casino Morongo out in Cabazon. It was the free KKGO, GoCountry 105, Stagecoach preconcert. I got a message from Mal, the teacher I'm going to see Luke Bryan and Jewel with next month. She said if she could get a sitter she would go with me. I didn't get out of work until nearly 3. I get a call at 3:30 as I'm about 4 minutes from home and she said she'd meet me there at 5. I play around on the computer about 30 minutes, then head out to the desert. We met at the Serrano Buffet where we ate and chatted about all sorts of stuff- mainly work and school. Such a fun time!!! We decided we had to try our luck at slots. Mal was very conservative and spent $2. She lost it all. My limit was $10. I didn't know Morongo got rid of most of the penny machines. I lost $6 on 2 or 3 different penny machines I did find. I was sad, so went and found a 2 cent machine where my money could go twice as fast. In the first few spins I was up $16. I broke even. I gave up once I recouped my losses.
We got in line for the concert about 7:15 and the doors opened at 7:30. It was in the Vibe room. We made our way in and stood because it was mostly a standing room concert. We stood around and joked about needing a drink in our hand to be like everyone else. We never did get a drink. The concert started at 8. It was really 8:15 or so.
Mal was all over the first act, Emily West, she was all into her depressing songs and was "relatable," and totally cute. Seriously, I disagreed, and told Mal. I said Emily needed to comb her hair, use a tanning bed, and put on some clothes because that spaghetti strap showed a little too much. The second act was Steel Magnolias. The duo was cute and since it was a small venue were able to interact with the audience and tell us about themselves. Their song, "Keep on Loving You" is all over country radio, and was not my favorite, but they had a few others that weren't bad like "Ooh La La."
Now Easton Corbin was last, and they saved the best for last. He has a George Strait sounding voice, which totally melted me. He was young, cute, and totally do-able. I think with his voice and sound he'll be around for a while. My favorites of his were: "A Lot to Learn About Livin,'" "Don't Ask Me About a Woman," and "Roll With It." I went wild when he sang "A Little More Country Than That." He was sooooooo fine and his voice. He seemed a little overwhelmed by the whole thing, almost nervous, soooo cute.
Mal and I danced together, shook our hips, and other stuff all night long.
I kept telling Mal that one of the security people looked like my old barber when I was little. She laughed. I told her I was serious. He was a latino guy with a very distinctive haircut, and was very tall. I had seen this guy earlier and saw his name was Rudy, like my old barber. I was curious, went up and asked him, and sure enough it was. He remembered me. Was a little shocked I had grown so much (it had been 10 years or so), and remembered my dad. What are the chances- I was 35 miles or so from home- just goes to show I see people I know everywhere.
I guess this outing kind of sort of made up for not getting to go to Stagecoach to see Brooks & Dunn, Kenny Chesney, Sugarland, and all the others I was wanting to see.
We hugged and took off about 11:30. I got home at 12:10 or so and got to bed about 1.
I was up at 8 to do homework Saturday morning to finish it before going to Disneyland.
I met my cousins at Disneyland about 11:45. They had been there since 9. I hadn't been to Disneyland in nearly 2 years- probably June 2008 or longer ago. It was my 26 year old cousin, 12 year old cousin, 23 year old lesbian cousin and her girlfriend, her girlfriend's mom, her girlfriend's brother who was 13, and his friend. My 26yo cousin's boyfriend stayed home.
It is now $97 for a 1 day ticket to Disneyland. A basic annual pass was $169. I decided at that ridiculous price I'd go ahead and just get a basic pass that would allow me to go 170 preselected days to Disneyland. I added parking, so it was $230 or so, which was ridiculous. So um if anyone wants to go to Disneyland now, hit me up since I have an annual pass... haha
Lots of renovations under way at Disney- street cars being added to Cali Adventure, the water has been drained from River of the Americas, and a few buildings in New Orleans square being redone. Oh, and Captain EO was back. I remember Captain EO now after seeing it. I remember the captain scaring me as a child and screaming as she reached out with her claws. Scary stuff, but it brought back memories. Fun times.
Here's the Captain EO video- it is soooooooooooo much cooler in 3D, though. It's sooooo 80s... I love it!
Disney was very crowded as most lines were at least an hour. We got on Space Mountain first, and my date and riding buddy as she termed it for the day was the girlfriend's mom. We hugged and then got on Space Mountain. This lady was all about taking cute photos together. It was pretty amusing. She was like 50, very white trash, and no attraction. This lady was showing us her tattoos while we were in line for Matterhorn and telling us how her son didn't like them since his mom is supposed to be Christian. We got on 6 or 7 rides in a total of 12 hours. We ate at the Plaza Inn, and it'll be a long time before I eat there again. I despise Disney food. Anyways, the mom was an interesting character belching loud during dinner, eating green beans with her hands. Lots of stopping to take photos practically EVERYWHERE. My cousins are the photo type people who take pictures of anything and everything. We did, believe me. My cousins in total took about 500 photos they calculated. The 2 boys were constantly poking me and we played the poking game in most of the lines. I sensed they were looking at me kind of like they liked me. It was weird. They were cool, though.
It was crazy how many gay guys were at Disneyland on Grindr. For chat I assume (haha... yeah... right), cause unless you have a hotel, what are you going to do at Disneyland? I had chats going on with several guys during the day- one guy who worked there and was 26. He wanted to meet up since I drove alone after I left, and he messaged me on Grindr about 12:30a.m. as I was leaving, and said if he had a place we'd get together. I had 2-3 guys staying in a hotel room and invited me up. I had other random guys message me and ask me what ride I was on. Driving home I just kept Grindr open for the hell of it as I was cruising down the 91 and I had about 12 messages by the time I got home. One guy sent me 4-5 pics of him and his nice uncut dick, his location, and asked what I wanted to do.
We stayed until 12. I didn't get to my car until 12:30. It was 1:05 or so before I got home, and 1:30 before bed. I got up about 9.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Kind of a bunch of random on my mind
Let's see... where to start
This song would be a hot song to make love to. It just sounds sexy to me. Not a John Mayer fan I confess. Mostly annoyed by him.
I survived the dentist yesterday. No cavities. The dentist is my least favorite place to be. I always put off, reschedule, and generally try to avoid going.
Been working on my abs at the gym. Seems to be going well.
Stagecoach is this weekend, and I'm not going. Boo.
Disneyland this weekend maybe? May buy an annual pass since it is just a little more than a regular ticket.
I decided I need a Nissan Juke.
Subbed quite a bit this week, and while the students each day have been pretty good, I've been pretty drained by the end of each day. I attribute that to my sleep schedule. My sleep schedule has been so wacko this week. I need to work on that.
Was not at my regular school today and dealt with the biggest beeotch of an office manager who preceded to yell at me in front of everyone in the front office for a reason that was beyond my control. I was not bothered because I could not control the circumstances. It is not my fault a phone system malfunctions. Oh, and this was even before school started. Some people! Oh well, I did my job, I did what I was supposed to do, no fault on my end.
Job interview next week for what would pretty much be the ultimate summer job. It would be in the Spanish field. Estoy muy emocionado! I'm preparing, gathering materials, copies of my resumé, and ready to go in and rock the interview.
DISTURBING DREAM- You may want to skip...
I had a crazy ass dream this morning. I was at what seemed to be a park with my grandma who loved birds, a few other people who were not familiar, but I seemed to be acquaintances with. There was a bonfire going on and 3 macaws were probably 10-15 feet from it. I was moving back in the group of these people to try to get away from the birds. I dislike flying poultry. Birds do scare me. One bird, that was red, white, and blue started flying, which scared me, and I run backward. The bonfire flared up, and the bird started burning, and I saw the bird fall to the ground.
So here's what I read on the dream analysis website...
* I notice I only remember my dreams in the early morning, usually I've waken up, and fall back into REM sleep.
* Since Monday, the thought of this job has been on my mind.
* I also tend to worry about friends etc. when I don't hear back (The Guy, Gonzo, Viv)
Update: Here's my friend Gilbert's analysis. He has studied dream inspired literature extensively.
Certainly less morbid. More optimistic.
This song would be a hot song to make love to. It just sounds sexy to me. Not a John Mayer fan I confess. Mostly annoyed by him.
I survived the dentist yesterday. No cavities. The dentist is my least favorite place to be. I always put off, reschedule, and generally try to avoid going.
Been working on my abs at the gym. Seems to be going well.
Stagecoach is this weekend, and I'm not going. Boo.
Disneyland this weekend maybe? May buy an annual pass since it is just a little more than a regular ticket.
I decided I need a Nissan Juke.
Subbed quite a bit this week, and while the students each day have been pretty good, I've been pretty drained by the end of each day. I attribute that to my sleep schedule. My sleep schedule has been so wacko this week. I need to work on that.
Was not at my regular school today and dealt with the biggest beeotch of an office manager who preceded to yell at me in front of everyone in the front office for a reason that was beyond my control. I was not bothered because I could not control the circumstances. It is not my fault a phone system malfunctions. Oh, and this was even before school started. Some people! Oh well, I did my job, I did what I was supposed to do, no fault on my end.
Job interview next week for what would pretty much be the ultimate summer job. It would be in the Spanish field. Estoy muy emocionado! I'm preparing, gathering materials, copies of my resumé, and ready to go in and rock the interview.
DISTURBING DREAM- You may want to skip...
I had a crazy ass dream this morning. I was at what seemed to be a park with my grandma who loved birds, a few other people who were not familiar, but I seemed to be acquaintances with. There was a bonfire going on and 3 macaws were probably 10-15 feet from it. I was moving back in the group of these people to try to get away from the birds. I dislike flying poultry. Birds do scare me. One bird, that was red, white, and blue started flying, which scared me, and I run backward. The bonfire flared up, and the bird started burning, and I saw the bird fall to the ground.
So here's what I read on the dream analysis website...
To dream of dead or dying birds, foretells a period of coming disappointments. You will find yourself worrying over problems that are constantly on your mind.
To see your grandmother in your dream, represents nurturance, protection, and unconditional love. Consider the qualities and characteristics that exist in your own grandmother.
Depending on the context of your dream, to see fire in your dream can symbolize destruction, passion, desire, illumination, transformation, enlightenment, or anger. It may suggest that something old is passing and something new is entering into your life. Your thoughts and views are changing. In particular, if the fire is under control or contained in one area, then it is a metaphor of your own internal fire and inner transformation. It also represents your drive, motivation, and creative energy. Alternatively, the dream may be warning you of your dangerous or risky activities. You are literally "playing with fire".
* I notice I only remember my dreams in the early morning, usually I've waken up, and fall back into REM sleep.
* Since Monday, the thought of this job has been on my mind.
* I also tend to worry about friends etc. when I don't hear back (The Guy, Gonzo, Viv)
Update: Here's my friend Gilbert's analysis. He has studied dream inspired literature extensively.
"okay....here goes: Your grandmother thinks of you as a bird. She is free now, and wants you to be free. Your fear of being free from judgment by your mom and her friends makes you scared, like the macaw...and you 're fretting that you will fall into the figurative flames and get "burned". Message: your grandmother wants you to be free and fly high. SOAR"
Certainly less morbid. More optimistic.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
1:39 of laughter
I saw this on my friend's facebook and laughed out loud long after the video ended.
This is what I missed last weekend not being at Coachella.
This is what I missed last weekend not being at Coachella.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Laying in bed last night I couldn't sleep
I was tossing and turning all night. I was worried about work, school, friends, and everything else under the sun. I remembered a few years back after some major drama with my aunt I almost was forced to come out to my mom. I wrote a coming out letter almost 2 years ago. I modified it a bit, and decided to send it to her via email. Why, when things are calming down, I don't know, but I did
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mom,
It has been so hard the past few weeks for me to be around you after telling you I was gay. I have been been feeling, hurt, anger, and rejection. I am sorry I could not be more honest. It is something that I have known for years and have never told you out of fear of rejection. I have often felt that it would be easier if this were something I could just sweep under the rug and an issue that really doesn't matter. It does matter. Over the past few weeks it has become especially bad and is tearing me up inside because I am hiding this part of my life from you, and I feel it is distancing myself from you because I cannot be honest.
I know this came as a shock a few weeks ago. I'm sure you were unprepared to hear that. I understand. It is not easy for me to tell out of fear: fear of your reaction, fear that you would be hurt, fear that our relationship would change, and fear that you would be ashamed. Fear of hurting you has been the underlying reason I have not come out and told you this beforehand. The reason I am telling you this is that I love you and want to be honest with you.
You are probably feeling a great deal of hurt by now wondering what you did wrong and why I turned out the way I did. Mom, you have done nothing wrong always giving me your love and support, which is invaluable and who has shaped me into the person I am today. I am a son, a grandson, a brother, a friend, and a successful college student. I care so much for others and look at other people's interest before mine. I go out of my way to help others. I am tenacious and tackle tasks before someone says that they need to be done.
Mom, there is nothing wrong with being gay. In fact, I would argue that being gay has made me a better person. It has made me seek out true friends who will accept me for who I really am. It has taught me tolerance, to not judge, and respect for others for their differences. It has taught me to be more caring and have more compassion for others.
You don't have to worry that I have changed because I am gay. I am still the same loving, caring, compassionate person I was yesterday, and have always been. Being gay does not change that.
My own acceptance of the fact that I am gay has been a long process and a difficult process. I expect you will feel the same in coming to terms with this. I have been laughed at, made fun of, and have been hurt by people, and a society that has not accepted this. It is difficult when I hear people judge others about being gay when it is a mere fact, and something I cannot change.
I have attached a lot of (Christian) resources for you, and there is the book "Now That You Know" on the coffee table.
Mom, I know this is going to take some time for you to accept. I know it will be difficult. I love you and I don't want to continue hiding a part of my life from you.
Love,
Mikey
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mom,
It has been so hard the past few weeks for me to be around you after telling you I was gay. I have been been feeling, hurt, anger, and rejection. I am sorry I could not be more honest. It is something that I have known for years and have never told you out of fear of rejection. I have often felt that it would be easier if this were something I could just sweep under the rug and an issue that really doesn't matter. It does matter. Over the past few weeks it has become especially bad and is tearing me up inside because I am hiding this part of my life from you, and I feel it is distancing myself from you because I cannot be honest.
I know this came as a shock a few weeks ago. I'm sure you were unprepared to hear that. I understand. It is not easy for me to tell out of fear: fear of your reaction, fear that you would be hurt, fear that our relationship would change, and fear that you would be ashamed. Fear of hurting you has been the underlying reason I have not come out and told you this beforehand. The reason I am telling you this is that I love you and want to be honest with you.
You are probably feeling a great deal of hurt by now wondering what you did wrong and why I turned out the way I did. Mom, you have done nothing wrong always giving me your love and support, which is invaluable and who has shaped me into the person I am today. I am a son, a grandson, a brother, a friend, and a successful college student. I care so much for others and look at other people's interest before mine. I go out of my way to help others. I am tenacious and tackle tasks before someone says that they need to be done.
Mom, there is nothing wrong with being gay. In fact, I would argue that being gay has made me a better person. It has made me seek out true friends who will accept me for who I really am. It has taught me tolerance, to not judge, and respect for others for their differences. It has taught me to be more caring and have more compassion for others.
You don't have to worry that I have changed because I am gay. I am still the same loving, caring, compassionate person I was yesterday, and have always been. Being gay does not change that.
My own acceptance of the fact that I am gay has been a long process and a difficult process. I expect you will feel the same in coming to terms with this. I have been laughed at, made fun of, and have been hurt by people, and a society that has not accepted this. It is difficult when I hear people judge others about being gay when it is a mere fact, and something I cannot change.
I have attached a lot of (Christian) resources for you, and there is the book "Now That You Know" on the coffee table.
Mom, I know this is going to take some time for you to accept. I know it will be difficult. I love you and I don't want to continue hiding a part of my life from you.
Love,
Mikey
Sunday, April 18, 2010
La Misión: Parte 2
LA MISSION
I saw La Mission con Dennis este afternoon. We both really enjoyed it. I think for me with the negative reactions and isolation I've felt from my mom in coming out recently made this movie all the more touching in my eyes. I also watched this looking at people I know in the latino community, and this reaction was not unnatural. It was very authentic. Jesse was pretty cute, and my heart just hurt to see him shunned by his dad in the movie. I did cry in the theater.
I saw La Mission con Dennis este afternoon. We both really enjoyed it. I think for me with the negative reactions and isolation I've felt from my mom in coming out recently made this movie all the more touching in my eyes. I also watched this looking at people I know in the latino community, and this reaction was not unnatural. It was very authentic. Jesse was pretty cute, and my heart just hurt to see him shunned by his dad in the movie. I did cry in the theater.
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