Sunday, December 28, 2008

Rudolph is growing

Apparently he takes 10 days to fully grow and mature into a full fledged reindeer, but he is growing. He has outgrown our small cereal bowl and I just transplanted him into a larger cereal bowl.
I'm a nerd, I know, playing with this childish toy; but my curiosity as to how big this thing will grow to be has gotten the best of me.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

The doh! gift

I think everyone gets those gifts each year that just kind of make you cringe or wonder why. Each year my Aunt M seems to buy that gift. She bought me a digital meat thermometer one year, a terrarium where you grow your own herbs one year, two years ago it was a bathtub volcano that made little eruptions as it floated along in the water... AND this year I can grow Rudolph, play with my Winnie the Pooh yo-yo, and I don't have to go to Mars to play with my very own Mars Mud.

Aunt M is an interesting character. She is very reclusive and doesn't often come to family functions, so when she does it is nice to see her. And did I mention she always brings my favorite blueberry cream pie to family functions?. I last saw her 4 years ago at a funeral for her mother. She is a nice woman, but plain boring to be around. She doesn't carry a conversation well and her voice often trails off in midsentence. It was nice to see her though and see that she was still alive. She just told me how much I've grown and I told her about school.

And of course, it is the thought that counts when it comes to gifts. I am going to go grow Rudolph right now before Christmas has passed. I have something to do in the bathtub tonight!!! So here's to Aunt M for making me feel like a kid tonight... haha

I got a Hollister sweater from my Aunt S that I just love- she is such a distant relation, yet she always buys the most awesome gifts and she knows what I like so well.

And family drama? There was plenty. My cousin threw a fit her daughter wasn't there because her brother (my other, oldest cousin) was at work, but also he is conservator of her daughter. My oldest cousin doesn't like his sister. He also doesn't like his own daughters, one of which, his daughter doing lesbian porn was at the celebration with her boyfriend, the producer of the videos. My oldest cousin was at work most of the day though until everyone he didn't want to see had left. My cousin was at work though since 11p.m. last night when he got a call. Without saying what he does, let's just say he was working this story. The details he gave us were gruesome and we got a lot of info the media hasn't been told. He arrived after presents and during dessert and we almost lost the dessert with these details.

And the hit of the party? My dad's cherry cheesecake. Nobody has ever brought cheesecake. My family never brings anything major to the get togethers, though we offer. We usually bring sweet potato balls, but few eat those except for my aunt and uncle, Aunt S, and my family. Well, each year we bring rice krispies or some sort of cookies to compensate and they usually go well. But my dad said yesterday at the store let's do cheesecake. He made it in a lasagna pan and half of it was gone by the time we left. Everyone raved about it.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008


Wishing all of you a MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Sister driving me insane

I was having a rotten night last night. I went to Victoria Gardens TO RETURN something for my mom as a favor to her- my second time over there that day. My sister calls me on the way and harasses me saying "I always spend so much, I'm such a gay guy, etc. etc." It was bad. I hung up on her after a few minutes of her game. I was also shaken up by other events from earlier in the day. I called The Guy because he was the only person I could really call and open up to, so I did. I was so shaken that I had an anxiety attack at Victoria Gardens, composed myself, returned the things, then went back to my car and cried for over an hour. I needed to let it out and hadn't been able to cry at home. I was still just so upset with my sister I couldn't forgive. Had I gone home, I probably would have been very violent toward her. We talked, I calmed down, he tried to pep me up telling me about what I do for everyone, but his usual diatribe didn't suit me and if anything all he did was prevent me from going home and doing something to my sister. I didn't really feel better after talking to him. I really had a knot in my stomach all night and got almost no sleep because I was up either crying and the lump in my stomach wouldn't go away. My anxiety meds weren't helping.

If anything, I learned I need to really stop listening to my sister. What is she to me? My problem yesterday was I was questioning myself because of her? Do I do stuff for people? Yes. Am I there for people? Yes. She just knows all of the buttons to push. Monday night she made a big deal that all I do is spend, spend, spend money. She said I'm always spending my parents money (note- the last thing my parents bought me was the bedroom set as a Christmas gift- all of the clothes I have bought recently are out of my pocket). I have something called a job, which she doesn't. But back to the story- she was pressing on all my buttons rubbing it in my face making me feel bad for buying what I did buy. I don't spend a ton of money on myself, so for her to do this made me feel rotten, and really made me question myself yesterday and feel bad. Then she brought up other people and I think I do so much for others, so this hurt and I was questioning it. Then she brought up how I'm so materialistic because I bought all of this stuff. She brought up how being materialistic shows I only care about myself, how I don't store up my treasures in heaven like I need to, and other random, stupid stuff. Then of course there is the gay thing where she says to my dad, "there's something really wrong here when your son likes fashion more than your daughter." and then harasses me about the gay thing when my parents aren't around- and I'm not even out to her. I just want so badly to make a nice comeback when she says that, but I refrain because it will cause for more hurt feelings- I want to say "well, I care about my looks because I don't want to look like you." My sister has put on probably 20 pounds this year, she only wears jogging suits/shorts and a t-shirt, she looks like a bag, she doesn't wear makeup, she straightens her hair daily, which looks boring, doesn't exercise, and has bad acne. I take care of my body because I don't want to gain a ton of weight like that, so I eat sensibly and exercise. I don't want to be a shorts and t-shirt or pants and t-shirt guy because that's just boring, and fashion can be fun. I care about how I look, and so again, I experiment with clothing, skin, hair, etc. She just knows the buttons she can press to hurt me and does. I let it in. I need to stop that. She is nothing to me. I feel nice and relaxed as I sit here and type this up after I've had the day to get over her. I'm not even getting mad as I type this part.

I called The Guy just after 9a.m. I thought he'd be awake by then because he usually is. He wasn't. I woke him up with my phone call. I told him how I was up all night and felt so rotten. He told me that he wanted me to get out of the house and come over. I went.

When I got to his place, he opened up the door, and then retreated to the couch where he played WOW. He played for 4-5 hours and finally hit level 71. We talked occasionally about what was going on with my sister and the other event. I had a couple breakdowns and he just asked "Mike, what the heck is going on here?" I'd tremble, then eventually tell him. He kept asking me if I were feeling better, but really I wasn't and I kept acknowledging I wasn't. I had the knot in my stomach/chest that I feel when I have anxiety, but it wasn't going away. We watch Charmed, the new Meg Ryan movie where she has cancer that came out last year.

The Guy asks me if I want him to wrap my Christmas gift and I said it was up to him. He said ok, just don't look over in the kitchen. We sit and watch TV some more. The Guy gets up to do laundry and then comes over with a smile, his tongue out between his lips, and brings the Apple TV over to me- my Christmas gift. I thank him and tell him how much it was what I wanted. I had mentioned several times before I'd like one, so that was cool. It really made me feel good because it made me feel better after my sister's shit. I told him to let me go get his gift, but he didn't. He told me to sit down and get it later.

He showers, does laundry, and then we decide we'll go get food. He cleans up and does this dishes, then I go out to get his gift. I bought him 2 Aqua VI t-shirts from Buckle ($35-60 a piece). I also bought him an iPhone car charger for his car because he is often on the phone in the car and complains his phone is not charged. This one charges your phone as you talk on it. He shook the boxes, then ripped open the paper. He asked afterward if I minded. Of course I didn't- it was WRAPPING PAPER- you don't save it! He opened up the gray Aqua VI shirt I bought him first and he said how much he liked it. He tried it on and said it was wild, he loved it, but it was a v-neck, which made him sensitive because he felt like he had boobs. He opens up the other shirt and I tell him how I liked this for the color because I remember his red pullover he has and how great it looks. He said it was definitely wild, tried it on, walked into the bedroom, and preened in front of the mirror in his bedroom. He looked great. Seeing him happy and appreciative really made me feel good and the anxiety/pains subsided.

We go out to the car, get our jackets, and go to CVS. He is looking for insulin needles for his testosterone injections. He still has months to go and ran out of needles. You apparently have to have a prescription. He said he'd call his doctor for that to get more. We go to Trader Joes. I'm finally able to talk to him where I have his undivided attention and tell him about what is going on. I was also able to laugh by this time. The knots had dissipated. He told me how much he liked the shirts, but how he found other stuff he liked at Buckle- some buttondown shirts and asked if I'd mind if he returned 1 of the shirts to get that. I said not at all. I knew he was hard to shop for, buying anything like that was a risk, so that's why I gave him the gift receipt. No big deal. In Trader Joes we get ravioli, egg white salad, and bananas. We go back and make the ravioli, then eat it. He left his phone at home and Josh had texted him twice while we were gone. He talked about how good that made him feel and how Josh really did miss him. The Guy called his brother to basically cuss him out because they had pictures of themselves taken for his mom for Christmas, but The Guy was disappointed by the photos and wanted to touch them up on his own or select the ones their mom got. He didn't get to, so asked his brother to e-mail them, then he'd touchup later.

The Guy is going to his parents tomorrow night to spend the night and Christmas Day with them, then Christmas Night with Josh.

I'm going to bake sugar cookies tomorrow, clean my car out, go to the gym, then we'll open up presents tomorrow night. We open up gifts on Christmas Eve at my house, then there are a few presents/stockings on Christmas Day "from Santa" which means the things my mom bought nobody knows about. Christmas Day will be spent at my aunt's house with the family.

We thanked each other for our gifts, the day, and then I took off at about 6:45 because The Guy was changing to go to the gym with Josh. Then they were going back to The Guy's.

I heard this song coming home and I changed the words to "Mike's sister" instead of Mr. Grinch and I think that the song does a great job at describing her.

If I don't blog before then, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

EDIT: I did not buy my sister a gift and that bothered me, especially in the moments leading up to opening up presents. I felt worried she'd notice. I think she did notice, but said nothing. It is still kind of bothering me now that I could be that mean, but I know deep down she doesn't deserve it; yet I feel bad for not buying her anything... if that makes any sense... this is what you get for rambling at 10:30 at night when you are exhausted.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Shopping with Gonzo again

Gonzo and I went to Victoria Gardens today. It was so nice. It was cool because of the heavy mist. We were nice and bundled up. It was a lot of fun. We met up at the gym at 10a.m., then drove over.

"Hungry Like the Wolf" - Duran Duran

On the way over she was telling me who she thought was hot in high school because the topic of friends came up. At first I was like "so do I say the guys who were hot?" Well, I gave her a mix. I told her the hot girls- Elizabeth, Becki, and a few others. She didn't think they were hot and didn't know a couple of the girls I mentioned. Then I mentioned the guys like Ryan L, Kyle, and Ray. The 3 of them were football players and all 3 of them are gay. The 3 of them didn't come out in high school- at least not to my knowledge (if so, it was on the downlow), but their myspaces all confirm it now. They were super hot and I told her. Ryan shocked Gonzo and she said "no, he's such an ass, no he's not, not, no you're kidding, WOW," and I kept saying NOOOo it is true and asking me if I was serious. Ryan? Ryan? Ryan? Ryan? MIKE, RYAN? Yes Gonzo, Ryan. Um... he never dated in high school. Folks, I have checked myspace and facebook. I had a friend search facebook for me who goes to his school. Kyle made Gonzo laugh saying how he is the biggest sweetheart and he didn't seem gay. I forwarded her the link to his myspace to check it out and a couple of photos of his boyfriend on myspace just to confirm it to her. Then Ray came up and she remembered Ray (mentioned as football player in this post) because I told her that he was the night I came out to her. Natalie, the big overly-friendly lesbian came up. Natalie always used to touch everyone and Gonzo reached over and touched me on the chest like she said Natalie did to her one day at lunch senior year; this was weird in that it was the first time Gonzo has ever touched me- she's not really the affectionate/touchy type like that, so for Gonzo to do that struck me as weird. We counted how many confirmed gay guys there are from our graduating class of 580 that we know of and came up with about 10- about 2% of our graduating class. She told me how she loves her gay friends to death, like myself. We talked about how we were both losers in high school for not dating or anything like that.

We talked about a new tutor at work who gave me the impression he was gay by the way he was acting the other day. Gonzo didn't believe me, but I told her to watch him and she said she will. She told me a new tutor Mari says that she wants to get to know me better. Gonzo was supposed to keep this a secret, but Gonzo couldn't. Gonzo and Mari were talking the other day and Mari told Gonzo that I come across as the biggest sweetheart and she LIKES me like that. Gonzo didn't let her in on a little secret.

Gonzo and I mainly window shopped. She bought a shirt in Forever 21 and in there I started feeling guilty about not buying my sister a Christmas gift. They have lots of cute clothes (that she'd never wear), but even though she has treated me so bad I feel sorry about not. I talked to Gonzo about that and she sided with me that buying a gift for her is not obligatory, she has done nothing to earn it, and gifts are bought out of love. I haven't told my parents or anything yet- I'm just going to hope nobody notices when we're unwrapping gifts. I don't think it'll be a big deal. This did bring on some anxiety though, and worry. I'm sticking to my guns on this one though. My sister harassing and trying to make me feel guilty about going shopping (even though I didn't buy anything) reinforced my thoughts on this one.

Gonzo and I sang lots of 80s on the way there and back. I joked that she's the only Mexican I know who is so into the 80s. We sang some Duran Duran, Flock of Seagulls, and more. She is going to add 1043 MYFM to her radio presets because we need more radio stations in common. Christmas Carols were playing throughout Victoria Gardens in the stores, outside, and as well in my car. Gonzo was singing to them and I was too. She sang "Holly Jolly Christmas," "Silent Night," and "Feliz Navidad." She doesn't know all the words to "Silent Night" and so she sang "Silent Night, holy night, all is calm, all is gone, round the dum dum dum dum dun dun."


Sunday, December 21, 2008

Apparently coworkers/kids at school aren't the only ones thinking there is more...

I have an aunt in Indiana whom my family e-mails a couple times a week. Gonzo's name has come up more than once (but so has The Guy's, Darla, Mike, Steve, etc.) probably equally as much.

And today I get this e-mail...

"Hey, I wonder (yes, I know Gonzo has a boy friend) but are you feeling more for her then just a freind? You two both get a lone so well and are best friends, but is there more?"

What to say... what to say...

Um, no my dear aunt... I'm gay...? Um... I don't really feel anything toward girls? Um... we're just good friends?

Friday, December 19, 2008

Well guys, I think my sister deserved the icy windshield

I laughed at your comments about me getting back at my sister by putting cold water on her windshield and letting it ice up.

Get this:
3:40a.m. this morning my phone vibrates. I get up to check it and see it is Jenn who texted me. She forwarded me a text that Mike sent (the one my sister texted) whom she told she was glad he lost his job. He said "im having a x-mas party fri night. don't tell mike. mike is a liar. mike is not a friend. just dont let him know." I waited until 5:30 to text Jenn and thank her. She wanted to show me, but also ask what was going on. I just told her "thanks, Mike and I are having an argument... no biggie." But from 3:40 on this morning my stomach was in such a knot. I felt humiliated that Mike would act so juvenilely, texting all of our friends. I am sure Randy, Mike, Alex, my ex'es, and 4-5 other friends have heard/received that text at least. He would have been a much bigger man to say just not invite me, or say "look man, I'm still upset and am not inviting you." I really feel like and am sure I have lost most of my good high school friends that I associate(d) with quite a bit prior to this. I lay crying until it was time to wake up.

I was going to go to the high school, but I knew I couldn't show my face to Gonzo or Darla. I would have broke down. I had a sub job to sub for band today. I had an easy day freezing my ass off while the kids spray painted their flutes they made earlier in the week. The cold and necessity to monitor the kids constantly kept my mind off of the whole thing. At lunch my mom and Linda asked me what was going on. I said there wasn't a problem and I was having a good day because the students have been pretty well behaved given that it was the last day before break.

On the way home I told my mom what happened and she was upset and defended me; despite the fact it would do no good. We have to hide it from my dad for the time-being.

I go to LA Fitness tonight to workout and use some of my anger at the gym beating myself up. I am about a mile away and I realize Gonzo is working. I was about to turn around and go back home where my sister is, but decide to go. Gonzo has never seen me cry. I decide to put on my best face and walk in. I try to smile and she waves and smiles. She says hello and the words don't come out. I whisper "hello." She quickly adjusts her expression and asks what is going on. I said "nothing" and went to work out. Her texts come and she asks what's going on. I hint around the bush that it was my sister's texts coming back to get me again. We chat some more and the The Guy calls. I debated taking his call. I have had a lump in my throat the other day and when he called I still did. He left me a voicemail just saying to defend myself and tell Mike that we were both victims and it has hurt both of us, but I hope he can forgive. I would have been ok if he had just not invited me because I understand he is hurt, but to go out of his way and involve other people, plus talk badly about me, two wrongs don't make a right etc. etc. Hung around for about an hour or so working out/texting Gonzo. Then as I leave I was able to muster up a "goodbye" and tell her how embarrassed I was about her seeing me like this.

Tonight I'm just still feeling really hurt, but I talked with a couple friends online who do not know Mike, so I'm doing ok. A part of me just feels hurt. Hurt about the childish games. Hurt about the way Mike is handling this. Hurt that Mike, Mike, and Steve probably aren't the great friends they seemed to be. Hurt about the way the other people are treating this and not contacting me to see what is going on. Lost in that I've completely lost most of my high school friends, and maybe it is time to sever these contacts, but these are the people I associate with here in my city.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Ice on the windshield

Mike, the Cali boy doesn't do that well. This morning Mike goes out to start my car and leave for work and notice the windshield is caked with a layer of ice. It was 31 degrees out in my portion of the IE. 1 degree below freezing. So Cali boy Mike had to scrape ice off the windshield this morning with his squeegee. Mike first had to find the squeegee. Mike's hands got cold. Mike let out a few expletives about how he is not meant for this. Mike cursed the weather because how often does this happen in Cali? Mike got in the car, drove about 6-7 minutes until the heater kicked in. Mike was a much happier camper by then. The car even told me it was cold and there was ice. All the way to work it said "DANGER ICY" in the little message center on the console.

In this time, Mike also had to be mean. Remember how mean Mike's sister was to him last week? Mike decided to turn the hose on, hose down her car, and because it was 31 degrees the water turned into ice. Mike's sister threw an even bigger fit from what he understands. She didn't have to leave for school until 8:30 leaving 2 1/2 nice hours for the water to stand and form into ice. Mike's sister was unsure about what to do and he heard stories at dinner about how she was just so upset about getting soaked with the hose trying to get the ice off of her car. Mike laughed and rejoiced in that his mission worked to ice his sister's windshield.

On another note, contrary to what it sounds Mike actually enjoys this weather. Mike loves the cold temps, the warm clothing, the holiday feeling.

2 week hiatus

I have talked to The Guy a cuple times in the past couple weeks. He has been busy being hurt, enamored, and in love with Josh. He kept a full schedule and I did too going to various holiday functions and hanging out with friends. We were going to hang out earlier this week, but he canceled to work on his paper for school that he STILL hasn't finished. He's had 18 EXTRA weeks. EXTRA. Last night we pretty much agreed we'd hang out today.

I texted him at 10:30 while at work and bored. He texted me back saying he had a new friend- a stray dog Jeff brought over to his house. I told him I was bored at work and asked what time he wanted to meet up. I texted him that I was bored and wanted to know what he was doing- my intention was we'd text and he'd keep me company. He said I should come check out the puppy. I called him to make sure because I knew he planned to work on his paper. He said he should, but didn't. I get to his place about 12:30.

I get over to his place about 11 and am greeted by his dog running to the door to see me, then the little mutt comes trailing behind. The mutt is a little black dog probably a cross between a daschund and something else would be my guess. He tells me he gave the dog a bath with Jeff, then put conditioner on him. He stands up from laying on the couch with the computer and plays around with both dogs. They're barking nonstop at each other playfully. The Guy's dog wanted to be more playful than the mutt. The Guy tells me about his talks with Josh and how he isn't sure about keeping this dog and stuff like that.

About 1:15 The Guy wants to make Josh a smoothie and take it to him. He makes a chocolate chip smoothie with banana, muscle milk powder, and milk. It is quite good, almost like a dessert. The Guy talks about how it is like a liquid dessert that he can't drink. The Guy hit 208 pounds this week, which he is excited about, but it is because he hasn't really eaten. He has eaten egg sandwiches in the morning, but that it is it. He is really taking the Josh thing hard. He cried to me on the phone 4-5 times in the past week. I just listen and give advice/be sympathetic. I realize that The Guy is a great guy and friend, but I really don't have feelings for him like I did, so it is easier for me to give advice and be preachy like that, which is what he needs to hear. I give him the perspective like I was like Josh, but still be there, yet I tell him when it is overboard. He goes to the gym at 1:30 to work out, 30 minutes early. While he is gone I fiddle around on the computer and find stuff I need to buy in iTunes. By the way, has anyone heard this new Killers duet with Elton John? Here's the link to the song description and the song:

Joseph, You are Better Than Me

The Guy gets home from working out at 4:00p.m. just as I finish up doing sit ups. I spent the time playing with the dogs and doing sit ups because they actually really help my back. My lower back has been hurting the past couple days and I know it is because I haven't made it to the gym where I would be doing sit ups. I also clean up the kitchen because he managed to get chocolate over everything. We chat for about 40 minutes before he takes off for his hair appointment. He tells me that when he took the smoothie over to Josh (because Josh said he was starved) that Josh wasn't in sight, so he swims, takes his phone to the pool, then gets a text 10 minutes after he got in the water and Josh was with a client, but The Guy didn't see that. He spent 10 minutes being hurt, upset, worried Josh was with someone else, that he didn't have feelings for The Guy anymore. Josh basically feels in a way like a victim because The Guy came on to him so heavily. Now that the feelings are gone between them- the cute texts and spending nights together The Guy is very hurt emotionally. He told Josh he just needs that reassurance- texts what he is doing and reminding The Guy they are still friends for the timebeing because he is becoming so worried and wondering where he is every instant. Josh understood. Jackie realized all the time Josh and The Guy were together- sharing water bottles, at each other's houses, spending the night, and became worried. Now she wants Josh back and Josh realizes every relationship- including this one now ended badly because he cheated. He is trying to make up for it and Jackie is going the extra mile. Who knows how long/if it will last. No sé. Drama!

He left about 4:45 to go to his hair appointment. He had black hair and he was talking about highlights, but that is next time he discovered.

Jeff arrives to pick the dog up about 5:30 and The Guy asked me if it was ok if we invited Jeff to dinner. I would have preferred 1-on-1 just because I wanted to converse more and I knew that wouldn't happen with Jeff, but it was fun. Jeff is literally broke... again. We went to the quick place with the good salmon. Jeff talks about 2 guys he is seeing; The Guy talks about things he has done for Josh, which we all know about and joke about it; we all joke back and forth about random things. I found out the story behind The Guy's dog's myspace. Yes. It was set up because Jeff dated a guy with the same name and to make the guy Jeff dated jealous sat up a myspace with a hot "dog" who was really into him. We joke running to and from the car because it is 41 degrees out and pouring rain. I park diagonally across from the restaurant because there is little parking and I was going to park in the parking lot, but The Guy said people get raped there (a lie), but that I shouldn't risk that. We joked that Cruella Deville (or Jeff) was going to get his fur coat wet. I drove because Jeff was blocking The Guy's car. Thankfully I didn't leave it on the country station or I'm sure Jeff would have said something. It was on 98.7- rock. At dinner we talk about the hot guys at the table across from us and were talking intentionally loud about guys like Josh and who Jeff is seeing because The Guy and Jeff were trying to get their attention. On the way home they play Katy Perry's "Hot and Cold" on 99.1 KGGI and The Guy and I sing, then Jeff talks about how cute the song is.

Jeff claims his mutt from The Guy's dog's kennel, The Guy's dog was in the bedroom. The Guy and I sit on the couch watching "A Christmas Carol" with Patrick Swayze. We make random small talk about Josh and relationships. The Guy then talks about how the quality of guys on craigslist/adam4adam has really deteriorated and he shows me how bad some of the guys are. OMG. YES. BAD. BAD. BAD. I didn't have too much to bitch and moan about because things are going pretty well for me right now as far as relationships go. We talk a little more about school and then I take off about 8:30. The Guy just has to write the conclusion on his paper and I congratulated him telling him I know it was a real struggle, because it was and sympathized with him.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Sickening fact

I have long said the school I tutor for is an upper middle class, new rich school- it is well known throughout the city for that and it is often mocked because of it. Gonzo and I were talking with Mrs. C today and we decided to do a car count/tally on what the kids drive. The parking lot holds 300 cars and here are some of the noteables. We walked through the parking lot and this is what we found to bring you this report:

- 6 Mercedes Benz C, D, or E Class cars (all 2004 or newer) ($35,000+)
- 4 Chevy Silverados (all but 1 are raised) ($20,000+)
- 2 Lexus IS ($30,000)
- 2 Lexus GS450 ($53,000+)
- 2 Hummer H2 ($50,000+)
- 4 2007 or newer Toyota Camry
- 2 2007 Nissan Altima's (1 Hybrid)
- 1 2004 or so Honda Accord Hybrid
- 1 2007 or 2008 Toyota Tundra full size double cab
- 6 Toyota Sequoia SUV's (and 2 of them were new) ($40,000+)
- 13 Ford F-150s (all raised), Excursions, and Expeditions ($20,000-40,000+)
- 1 96 or so Volvo 960
- 1 Infiniti G-35 ($35,000)
- 7 Chrysler PT Cruisers ($12-20,000ish)
- 4 2007 and newer Chrysler Sebrings (with the George Foreman grill hood) ($18,000)
- 7 Hyundai Accents (all new within the past year or 2) ($12-13,000ish)
- 1 Mercedes G Class ($101,000+)
- 1 Lotus Elise ($45,000+)
-11 Mazda 3's ($15,000+)
- 9 VW Jettas ($20,000+)
- 4 Ford Focuses ($15,000ish)
- 4 Jeep Wranglers ($15,000+ and 3 have 4WD because that's so important in So Cal)
*** All of these are no more than 2-3 years old, and I know cars pretty well to be able to confirm this
*** Most of the cars in the parking lot (80% or better are 2002 or newer)

The oldest cars in the parking lot:
- Late 80s Toyota Corolla
- Late 80s Jeep Wrangler
- 94 Honda Accord
- mid 90s Ford Explorer
- mid 90s Chevy Astro Van

What do us tutors drive?
- Up until this year I drove a 9 year old full size sedan, but now I drive a compact car that I paid for myself (which 90% of the students at this school would never fathom... haha... very few have jobs outside of school)
- Scion (that she pays for)/ prior to the Scion the girl drove a Kia Sephia/Chevy Astro
- 2006 Honda Accord her parents bought after her 92 Altima was in an accident
- 2007 Camry SE
- 92 Acura Integra
- 2002 Acura RSX
- 2000 Toyota Tacoma
- 2000 Honda Accord
*** For most of us these cars are hand me downs, which is definitely not the trend at the school I work at where most get brand new cars and the expensive cars I mentioned in most cases are brand new.

Now you might be wondering what the teachers drive (110 teachers)...
- Nicest teacher cars: 2 Ford Expeditions (counselor and 1 teacher), 1 Nissan Armada, 1 Dodge Ram, 1 Ford F-150
- Most of their cars are 4-5 year old Oldsmobiles, Accords, Camrys, Malibus, Corollas, Civics
- A few Toyota Highlanders/4 Runners that are 4-5 years old

As far as racial statistics it looks like this:
58% White
22% Hispanic
10% Black
9% Asian
1% Indian
10% of the students qualify for free and reduced lunch, but honestly, they hide it well (everyone has their iPods, nice cars, parents shell out $$$$$ for nice clothes to help them fit in... just today I heard 4-5 people talking about their new TRUE RELIGION JEANS AND I SAW THEM WEARING THEM... NO JOKE...)

But on the other hand there are THOUSANDS of foreclosures and I can name at least a dozen students in the program I tutor for whose parents are in foreclosure. This is in Riverside County where the foreclosure rate is the highest in the nation. Driving around the school nearly every other house is in foreclosure. All of the backyard home resorts the people put in, the money spent on cars, and things like that would have been better spent elsewhere.

I'm getting a bit preachy, but my main intent was to show how spoiled some of the kids are in my area.

Monday, December 15, 2008

The party rundown

I get to the party at 3:40. I was one of the last to arrive. Mr. B, Mrs. M, Mr. P, and Mrs. F hadn't arrived yet. We sit around talking in Mrs. C's mom's kitchen. The party was held at her mom's house. I sit in the background because everyone was already around the table. I make smalltalk with Mrs. F about Spanish teachers we had in common in college. We eat about 4:30 after Mr. B arrived. I stand and eat and talk to Darla, her cousin who also works with us, and Mrs. F/Mrs. B. We talk about school mainly and people we know. Mrs. B talks about myspace and catching 9th graders from the school with beer pong photos and them drinking on myspace. We make random smalltalk until about 6p.m. Mr. P, his wife, and kids arrive. Mr. P is such a sweet and hot guy, yet his wife is the biggest stuck up bitch ever- and I've met her several times. She only talked to Mr. B. She left after about 40 minutes to take her daughter to practice. My spaghetti went over well. Mr. P's carintas were delicious y él no es mexicano. The posolé was pretty good. Mrs. B made the most delicious meatballs.

We go in and open up the presents. My Secret Santa was Mrs. B, the counselor. She seemed to like the hot chocolate and fudge mix I got her. I wrapped it up all cute in a stocking. There were some cute gifts- Mrs. C bought Vicki a jacket, there were a couple gift cards like Mrs. F got me a gift card to Best Buy. It was just a lot of fun though and overall most everyone put a lot of thought into the gifts.

Afterward the real fun began. We learned how Mrs. B, Mrs. Perfect Soccer Mom, Activities Coordinator at school has a wild side that she talked about. Mr. B talks about kids from Darla and my graduating class who he is in contact with. He keeps in contact with everyone. He said that he told us back when we were juniors that when we turned 21 to contact him, that we have to promise to take him out for a beer as a thank you, and we'll discuss the real world, education, and have a heart to heart about life. I remember that. It was something he said like the last day of school like "you guys will thank me when we're 21 and my door is open anytime you want to come and invite me out for a beer." Darla and I joked. She wants to do more than that. Too bad she doesn't turn 21 until May, but she is insistent that Mr. B, her and I go to Yardhouse treating him to a beer and having a heart to heart convo. I HAVE HAVE HAVE TO DO THAT AFTER TONIGHT. Mr. B was so loose after the home brew he brought to drink. He was joking around. He told Darla's cousin that she was "goofy," then he told another one of us to call him by his first name only, and he told me that I need to hug him more. He also suggested we have a get together when everyone is 21 and we'll do a home brew tasting and wine tasting. Mr. B unfortunately had to leave at 6:40 to take care of his dog who has cancer on her tongue and he has to spoon feed her. Mr. P just kind of sat around laughing during our Darla, her cousin, and my conversation with Mr. B. I got to talk to him about my future plans and things like that. Would have liked to talk to him more, but about 7p.m. the party was winding down and he wanted to get his youngest daughter home.

The party continued at 7:15 at Mrs. C's house for those 21 and over. Her house is a lot smaller than her mom's. This was where the alcohol started flowing. It was Darla's cousin's 21st birthday, so Mrs. C declared that we all have a glass of tequila to sip- not chug. That worked. It was good tequila- as good as tequila gets I guess- I'm not a fan. Mrs. C pours everyone a glass and we sip, then eat limes. We talk about how little we all drink. Mrs. A, Mrs. M, and a few others surprised me that they even sipped. Mrs. F had a hard time and she ended up not drinking more than a sip. Gonzo doesn't drink and she had a sip, then started sweating, turning red, and stuff like that. She voluntarily tried. She drank lots of water afterward. I didn't really talk to her except when she sat on my lap when there wasn't anywhere else. We talked about lots of random stuff- my ability to speak Spanish for one. I was told I had to say something because I was loose enough after tequila (I really wasn't feeling buzzed at all or looser). I was questioned about what I was doing, things like that. Mrs. F is a Spanish teacher and she was impressed. Mrs. A speaks Spanish as well as Mrs. M and they all were impressed that I know proper Spanish. Then we discussed Spanish songs like Shakira's and how she can't write in Spanish or English- her translations are so bad. Mrs. C had rock en Espanol playing in the background like Maná. We talked about a couple teachers at school who just really get to us. Mrs. R came up, she was a cheerleader and doesn't seem to like anyone unless you're a cheerleader. We talked about iPhones, our favorite apps, and Mac products like Airport Express adapters. We talked about kids who graduated from the program we tutored for and how they were doing.

The party wrapped up at 9:30, but it was definitely worth it. I had no clue it would be an entire evening... maybe to 6 or 7 though the invite said until 5p.m. HAHA

I know my coworkers a lot better now... as if I didn't know them well in the first place. I didn't know the newer people and got to know them better. That was cool. We are all so close. Well, I'm rarely there, so I'm out of the loop, but I had no problem fitting in, and we all get along so well and care about each other so much. There was lap sitting, hugging, and stuff like that while we were bonding. Darla's cousin=total flirt, Viv is another total flirt.

And as for the drink with Mr. B, I plan on taking him up on it. Maybe proposing it before Darla does so I can do it alone with him. Who knows... maybe? I want to- it would be fun. Then I actually marked it on my iPhone that I need to remind Darla in May that Mr. B is due for his drink.

About to head off to the party

About to head off to the Christmas Party for work that my boss at the high school is throwing. It is a potluck, but she bought gifts for everyone and we're having a Secret Santa gift exchange. The weather is nice and rainy, and 48 degrees out. I wore what I thought was an appropriate, festive red sweater. Gonzo told me she was not feeling it. She said I needed to wear one of my sleek new shirts from Express. Dang. So after work I rushed home and put it on. You can see the pics. Now I'm blogging and waiting for my spaghetti to be done to take to the party.

So was she right... red sweater or red shirt?

Oh... and the food should be delicious. Mr. P is making carnitas. Viv is bringing posolé, Vicki is bringing vietnamese jello, Mrs. B is making pizza, Mrs. V is bringing chicken, Karl is making some filippino dessert, we're having egg rolls, rice, and beans. I can't wait. I'm starved.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Update to come soon

It has been a busy week.

I had a crazily busy Monday with 2 finals. I earned an "A" in my Spanish lit and was satisfied with a "B" in Spanish linguistics. Anthropology is still up in the air.

I don't know if I've mentioned it, but I'm a substitute. I subbed Wednesday-Friday. I don't like middle schoolers, but I make it. I came home drained at the end of each day though.

Bingo Thursday night with my friends Carl and Lisa was probably the highlight of my week. Even that was frustrating as I never came close to bingo.

Haven't really talked to The Guy. He did break up with Josh. He is crushed. I know that much.

My Christmas shopping is done. I had to go out and about today to get a Christmas gift for the Secret Santa thing at our Christmas Party at the high school thrown by my boss. I'm supposed to bring a date. I don't have one, but that's not stoppiing me from going. I'm bringing spaghetti to it. I ran all over looking for colored spaghetti noodles/pasta noodles to no avail. None at Target, Joann Fabrics, or the Ralphs/Albertsons. I may end up with regular pasta. Who knows... No sé.

My dad and sister are out Christmas shopping and at a soccer game or something as a part of my sister's Christmas gift. My mom and I are going to go out to dinner tonight just because we can. We're going to go to a Spanish restaurant for some paella. We went there for my birthday back in January and really enjoyed it; since my dad and sister hated it we think tonight is a good night to go. ¡Qué bueno y divertido!

Linda is always planning mother and son get togethers for her son and my mom and I. Last time we went to Sizzler. My mom is going to plan one where we go to that Spanish restaurant next week on Monday night when the food is all 50% off, then we'll walk through downtown because it's all lit up for Christmas. Should be fun. Maybe. Linda is that crazy, obsessive compulsive friend of my mom's whom I love dearly and have blogged about (her questioning me about hanging out with guys, being out late, things like that).

And while I'm busy running around town here is what I've been listening to:
"Chasing Pavements" by Adele

"Sober" by Pink

"Miss Independent" by Neyo

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Mission: step out of comfort zone

Gonzo is always sooooo busy. It takes weeks to plan something with her. I was elated on Sunday when she said she could go to the mall Tuesday and we should make a day of it. Make a day was an understatement.

She texted me at 8:20 this morning saying to meet at Macys at 9:20. I arrive as she does. We go in to Macys and probably spend 45 minutes waiting for the mall to open. She shops for pants for her boyfriend and I look at the shirts. I find a couple things I liked and showed Gonzo. She said I should get those. I said if I didn't find anything else I would.

We spent the next 3 hours going around the mall- all the shoe stores, Urban Outfitters, Anchor Blue, Charlotte Russe, and Forever 21. Gonzo spends lots of time trying on stuff at Forever 21. She wanted purple pants and then I was sent on a search to find a match for them. She didn't like the mustard yellow top I brought back, the shirt with tons of lace, but did like the black vest. She bought purple pants, gray pants, and the black vest. Our mission was to buy colors we normally wouldn't wear. I bought a mustard buttondown yellow shirt as well as a purple and orange buttondown at Express I can wear with black pants or a nice pair of blue jeans. We made our way back to Macys where I ended up buying this white shirt and vest below because it is something I would not normally wear. I like shopping with Gonzo because she doesn't mind me trying clothes on or herself, so there is no pressure and she is honest about her likes and dislikes.

We're still not done, after a day of hard work, we had to destress. Gonzo's idea was to get her eyebrows threaded so she could feel pretty. I said I don't feel relaxed after getting work like that done. I said a pedicure was more my thing. She laughed and said "oh Mike- nuhuh," and gave me that look of suspicion like would I really do it? I said yes and said that we both wanted pedicures. So we spent the next 45 minutes or so getting our legs and feet rubbed, and our toe nails done, which was very relaxing.

All of this tough work made us hungry. I had a $25 gift certificate from the Olive Garden that I got for Christmas last year I had never used. I said we should go there since it is right across from the mall. She agreed when I said it was my treat. We were seated once we walked in, which NEVER happens there. That just shows the economy is bad. The service was great. Our waiter kept asking us if we needed refills, more cheese, and stuff like that. We tipped him well. We talked about the cast of characters from high school and what everyone is up to. I told her about what's going on in my life with various people and stuff like that. She told me about her and her boyfriend and how boring he is compared to me when it comes to things like shopping, trying new clothes, and fun stuff like that.

Our day ended at 2:45 and was deemed a success.

Edit: Tonight we had to go to kickboxing at the gym. Gonzo called me at 5:20 saying she wanted to go to the gym with me, so we went to the 6p.m. kickboxing class. It was pretty intense. I was sweating a lot by the end.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Letter to The Guy

Here is a letter to The Guy that my sister wrote to apologize for the text incident. A part of my sister's punishment was to write letters to all of my friends who got the texts.

Edit: I talked to The Guy this morning about 9:45 just to see what he was up to. He was squeezing orange juice with his new juicer from oranges his mom gave him from her tree. He was also trying to microwave eggs since he was out of skillets. He was also downloading Christmas movies and music (probably $100 worth to watch when seeing Josh tonight). He accomplished all of this. I told him that I did nothing but had nightmares last night about friends, relationships with friends, etc. He asked how things were with my sister. I told him that she wrote apology letters yesterday. He asked how that went and I said that it went well. I said there is one for him and he seemed shocked. Then he said "classic" and he was amused that he actually had a letter for himself. He was going over to his parents and Josh's mom's house tonight to help decorate Josh's mom's Christmas tree, so I'll give him the letter when I see him.

Edit Pt. 2- Punishment: My sister's computer was confiscated as well as her cell phone. On her computer btw is where I found phone numbers of the people I call the most (The Guy, Carl, Gonzo, Darla, and my cousins) stored in a Microsoft Word document. She can only use my mom's computer with her supervision or my dad's old laptop and she has to sit next to my dad. My sister has to pay for my text message bill for the last 2 months, then for the next 4 (so now I have unlimited texts), then she is paying for the phone bill for last month and this month. Last month it was $218 and this month it'll be about $120. So her punishment is costing her about $360. Good. She doesn't have a job. This is her allowance money because she still gets an allowance.

And how did my sister manage to create all of this havoc? Well, she logged onto my dad's account, since it is a family account we can have multiple usernames, she created a username and password for herself, then logged onto my phone and sent messages to my friends from my phone.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Sister issues

My sister did something so unthinkable. It is something I've blogged about before. The problem has escalated and snowballed. It may have caused me most of my friends from high school that I still am close friends with (The Mike's, Steve, the ex g/f, etc.). It all blew up in my face this morning about 7:20 when I get a call from Mike saying he doesn't want to hear from me again. I ask what is going on and I go around puzzled for a few hours and get random calls about what a shit head I am. I was lost as to what was going on. I was upset. I figured it out about 9:40 when The Guy called. I sent him right to voicemail and I get an angry voicemail from him saying basically to screw me, he doesn't need my antics. I was puzzled. I was pulling into the school parking lot in tears. What happened? Why was everyone against me? I pick up the phone and angrily dial The Guy and ask him what the fuck is going on. He asks me what the fuck is going on and tells me how I'm so needy and how he is not my world. I'm puzzled. It turns out without going into detail my sister sent him a text saying "thanks for nothing" and he was upset and angry at me. I am getting out of the car trying my hardest to not yell obscenities at him and to maintain my composure around everyone else walking to class, but it wasn't easy.

In class it hits me what went on and how everything happened. The Guy is online and at work by this time and I am rambling about the extent of the problem. I am having a tough time; I bail my last class and have a friend pick up the study guide for me. I get home and try to do some damage control/talk to the people who were hurt by this. I let my dad know and talk to him about it. He is livid. He does what he can to handle it and does some damage control of his own.

The Guy and I were originally going to hang out at 4:30 to work on our papers. I get to his place after we agree we still want to hang out. He is there working on his new HP Media Server he bought- still trying to get something that iTunes could work on. He is installing and rebooting. He looks like he has a couple of his school books out and a few sentences written in a Pages document. We spend a while sitting around and chatting about what transpired with my sister and what her punishment should be. He came up with the same thing my dad did. The Guy makes some pasta with the beef tenderloin he bought the other day when we were out.

At 6:30 we take off because he has a hair appointment. I come home with my Eggnog latte from Starbucks and in time to greet my mom and let her know what went down. My sister is in the hot seat alright. Good news there!

Monday, December 1, 2008

A Monday

It has been a pretty ok day so far. Just thought I'd post about it and post some pics...

I had to work at the high school I tutor at this morning. I walk on campus from the parking lot and the principal is standing out and says good morning to me and asked if I'm ready to work. I said I was. He laughed and said he thought I was ready to go to the gym. He reminded me of the standard at work. Teachers can only wear jeans on Friday. He went on his usual diatribe about how we are from Rich New Money Community and need to set an example for everyone. Our school is showing off how classy we are in comparison to the other schools in the district. I said I agreed and that it was my fault. Then he said he was going to write me up. It doesn't bother me. Writing me up does almost nothing. This is probably the 2nd time in the 4 years I've worked there that I got a comment on my casual dress. Last time was more casual than this... haha. I texted my boss who was at a conference out in the desert because I knew she'd get a huge kick out of that and she texted back asking "He did? No worries. You're my male fashionista, you are always wearing new and trendy thingys, you never dress down. You deserve one day to do that."

Worn this shirt to work there many times before; only difference is I usually wear black jeans and my Vans, which probably would have been more acceptable.
I'm not worried or hung up over this whole fashion faux-pas. It just amused me more than anything.

These 2 amused me when I was walking to class- he was pushing her on the scooter.

My dad was making dinner tonight and his forgetfulness is really bothering us because we aren't sure if this is a result of some of his recent problems. He was making dinner tonight, which he hasn't done in a couple weeks. The phone rang, he went to answer it, and forgot about the hashed browns he was making, thus burning them. It just hurts to see my dad like this. Some moments he is great and you'll never know anything is going on, then he relapses.

I talked to a friend about plans for this weekend, which is awesome and it is giving me something to look forward to.

And, and to get in the holiday spirit I've been listening to Mariah Carey's holiday album all evening. It seems like nowadays EVERYONE has a Christmas album out. Everyone- including My Chemical Romance, yet Mariah's just sounds good and pretty traditional.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Thanks for keeping me sane

The Guy and I texted last night. He was having an interesting night and I was too. We were both going further in our relationships with people. He said he needed someone to hang out with today and thought I did too.

He calls me at 8:50 this morning and I was still laying in bed. I have a new bed/bedroom set. The bed is so comfy I just didn't want to leave the bed. I got up and ate once we talked and he told me to come over whenever.

I get to his place at 10:00a.m. He is working on the iTunes music server he is trying to set up. He asks if I think he should call technical support and he does. He doesn't get any results. In the meantime I tell him about someone I will be meeting this weekend. He was very supportive and gave me a pep talk, which was nice because it showed he was caring of this. Then came his news. HE FUCKED JOSH. So last night Josh and him were together. They were in bed and The Guy fucked Josh, then Josh fucked him. The Guy was telling me how amazing it was and how he had a great time. He told me about the day yesterday. After he is off the phone with technical support he runs around straightening up the house and telling me how he bought Josh $400 Dolce and Gabana sunglasses and close to $600 in jeans and clothes. Josh has never really had that person who just bought him everything. Josh, like me, is not one to spend a lot on a shirt. Josh was not going to spend more than $60. The Guy just told him you're getting it, so Josh got $600 in clothes. The Guy bought the Hugo Boss shirt he had meant to buy on our shopping adventure a few weeks back. He got it on sale for $65 instead of $135. The Guy tries the shirt on and models it for me, then he lays down on the bed to play with the dog. The Guy gives me some glutamine and really good pasta sauce because he bought in bulk again and has too many. I gladly take some. We talked about the Black Friday stampedes that killed that Wal-Mart worker, how disgusting that was, how Wal-Mart deserves a big ass lawsuit, and that The Guy told Josh he wants shoes for Christmas. The Guy said that he also wants Josh to free up a weekend next year to take a trip with him.

The Guy asks if I want to go swim. He had told me that I needed to bring my swimsuit when I was on the phone with him this morning. I said sure. We go to the country club and we change in the locker room while talking about Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh. Anyways, we go out to the jacuzzi and he turns it on. He has a hard time doing that. We chat some more. He tells me how he feels unfulfilled i that he is not getting his papers done for school and how he knows he can do it. He said I need to plan a study day with him and so I asked when. Tuesday we're going to study. I'm going to sit him down and we'll crack the books. I have a Spanish linguistics midterm I really need to study for. He tells me how Johs and him went to the South Coast Plaza last night and then everything that ensued. He tells me how he is bothered he is with Jackie and family today. I said not to worry. He tells me how his parents are against meeting Josh, do not want to, think Josh is not right for him, think that he is begging for trouble by choosing a straight guy. I said I agree and he talked about how I felt like I'm supportive, yet he knows my biggest fear is him being crushed. He said it is too late because what has happened has happened and he is glad for it, but scared of being hurt. I told him that the reason I was supportive is I'm better off today for knowing him. I told him how I was kind of like in Josh's position of being on the border of being labeled gay/straight and he wa that support I needed. He looked at me in the eyes and asked if I was serious. I said yes. He asked if I needed that support and I was about to cry and said yes. He got the idea and said "thanks," then followed it up with he doesn't think he does a lot and was surprised I mentioned he made me feel comfortable with myself, which Josh says.

Then we transition to the pool. I get in a lane and he does too. I swim, or try to swim 1 lap back and forth. I am not a good swimmer. I was taught to kick your feet a lot and some basic arm motions. I am not a fan of swimming, but recall that The Guy was a swimmer, a water polo and swim coach. He saw me struggling and told me to come over to his lane. He asked me to show him what I was doing, then he told me that he saw my problem. I'm not using my quads when I swim. I'm using my knees to kick and that is my problem. He told me to keep my legs straight and try to use my quads. He showed me the motion of the freestyle stroke and told me how to flip in the water. The Guy gave me his kickboard and then pulled me out in the water, had me watch him under water to see how his legs moved, and things like that.

We get out of the pool and go into the sauna. NOTHING HAPPENS THERE. There was on old wrinkled guy in there with us. The conversation was minimal- mainly me thanking The Guy for helping me swim. He puts too much water in the sauna and it pours out tons of steam. We were sweating badly and we ended up putting towels over our heads to be able to bear it. Troopers, we were. After, we get out, shower, and go back and put our clothes back on.

We go to a small market on the way home where he gets some ham hocks and black beans. He also buys fajita mix, some tenderloin for fajitas, and a few other items. We then stop at the florist for fresh flowers. The Guy has had fresh flowers in his house since Josh's birthday. He talked about what a nice touch to the season they are. We go in and look around, he picks out his individual flowers, then takes them up to the florist to make the bouquet. THe Guy spends $30, which he says is reasonable because the flowers are so unusual. I only know he had a couple daisies in the mix, but it looked very fall like. On the way he is telling me how Josh concentrates so hard during sex and The Guy is worried- like can you smile, laugh? Josh is constantly worried about keeping an erection.

We put the groceries away at home and he chops up the onions, the bell peppers, and chiles for the black bean soup. We talk about not overpowering the soup too much with peppers where it is inedible. We then "PLEDGE." The Guy cleans up and we run the vacuum, then dust, hence the Pledge. I even dust the blinds. The Guy talks about how he feels like he doesn't do enough for me. I told him about my bedroom and hinted in a bad way I could really use a new TV. He asked what he has given me- a DVD player, but that's about it. He asked if I had an Apple TV and reminded him he said he might get me one for my birthday. He forgets sooo much.

As we're standing in his bedroom after he cleans the electronics and I clean the blinds Mike calls. Remember Mike? Mike who is continuing to harass me. He did the same thing. He called Thanksgiving wishing me a Happy Thanksgiving. Then he called Thursday night asking if I wanted to go shopping at the outlets. Then he called at 8a.m. Friday wanting to know how my Christmas shopping was going. The Guy laughed when he called and I gave him the phone. The Guy picked up and the conversation like this:
The Guy: Hello
Mike: Is Mike there?
The Guy: Mike is here. This is his friend The Guy.
Mike: Where's Mike?
The Guy: I just said Mike is here. Mike doesn't really want to talk to you. You don't seem to get it. Mike has told you very nicely several times that he is not interested in you. You have talked to his dad (he hasn't, but he told Mike he did last week when he also picked up the phone), now you're talking to me.
Mike: Mike never said that.
The Guy: Ok... dude... maybe you're playing stupid, but he really doesn't want to talk to you. You need to take this number out of your phone, forget him. Mike, do you want to talk to him?
Me: I raised my voice and said no.
The Guy: Please, erase this number.

The Guy chats with Zack on AIM and a few other friends while I sit next to him and he obsesses over Josh. I keep reminding him to stay in the moment. He lights candles and stuff in case Josh comes over.

Then we decide to go to CVS to get laundry detergent since he wanted some special color soap. Then he gets zip lock bags, lots of zip locks since they're on sale. Then he buys 700 Christmas lights since he wants to get in the holiday spirit. He talks about how he has hung garlands from his carport in the past. We get the stuff, then spend about 20 minutes in the body soap aisle. He is tired of his Aveda Rosemary bath gel and it is expensive. We open nearly every bottle and smell every flavor. He finds one or two he likes, but says they're "too cheap." He says we need to go to Sephora; so we find our way in the car on the way to Victoria Gardens. In the car we chat about Josh again. He said his mom made a comment that The Guy doesn't date guys who are at his level. He always dates down. He doesn't date guys as well educated. I said I agreed. He said it is true and gave me a couple examples of Danny, which was the last person he introduced to his parents and was a couple years back. His parents never met his ex Mike. He vouched for Mike saing he was getting his degree. I said I think Josh is one of the better guys he has talked about, but I wanted to know what he saw in him. I said he is goal oriented and that is a good thing. He wants to be a firefighter. Josh said that is it; Josh is so passionate and has the drive. He might not be able to discuss semiotics with Josh, but he could explain it and he would listen. He treats Josh as an equal and lets him boast about firefighting, and how he is into his field.

Sephora closed at 7. Victoria Gardens closes so early on Sundays. The Guy was upset because he went out all this way, he was so underdressed, and there were still people shopping at 8:05 in the store when we arrived.

We go back to his place, I reiterate how he needs to focus on himself. He assures me he is ok. We put the CVS stuff away and the soup still isn't ready. He makes me a smoothie with peaches. It was delicious. We drink that; that was no dinner. Oh well. We hug, then I say goodbye at 8:20 or so.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Pee and more

I get to The Guy's house at 5p.m. and have to pee. He is in the office watching "Zohan" and about to fall asleep. He asks if I brought my computer. I did and we go into the living room to get it out. He plays around with it and it doesn't act sluggish or slow when he is using it. I get up shortly after and have to pee. He is on looking at TVs in the meantime. He is still going to get Josh a TV. The Guy's a/c or heat kicks on and it says to "change filter." His thermostat talks! He gets up, changes it, and I run to the bathroom. The Guy and I go to the kitchen for dinner. We have some turkey sandwiches like the other day. Delicious with that mustard sauce. The Guy talks about how sleepy he is and we go in and lay down on the bed for about an hour and 20 minutes. He asks about my dad and I tell him. I said "not good," which caused him worry. My dad's recovery has not been well. He is not doing well. I don't really want to talk about it, but I had a hard time not crying in The Guy's bed. I did let out a few whimpers, but I managed to remain strong. The Guy gets up and asks if I want to go to Best Buy.

We go to Best Buy and look at TVs. We talk about how stupid the people are camped out for Black Friday in the rain with their canopies and tents. Nothing is worth spending 2 days, you're not saving a lot of money, and there is no fun in the crowds we deduced. The Guy is getting Josh an LG 40'' TV for Christmas. He asked what I wanted for Christmas and I said I don't know. I decided after he asked me I'll just say that I have some things I like, but I don't need anything and mention some of the things I like and he can choose. He asked if I wanted a Nintendo Wii. I said I don't know. If he was willing, I would have gladly accepted one. The Guy returned an external hard drive and Apple Router, which totaled over $500, so he figured he could spend $239 for a Wii. He said for Josh. I said no. He said maybe as an activity when he goes to Josh's house. I said ok to that.

In the car on the way to Best Buy and on the way back I tell The Guy about the date with Chris, the Puerto Rican guy. He was hung up on the 2 issues I was. Chris only shops Abercrombie and Hollister. Clothes are not everything. He realized we're both extremely organized, go-getters, but he isn't as balanced as I am, or he may be more of a workaholic. Either Chris is really upfront with me and I have to deal with that, or he isn't. What I mean is sex. He talked about only wanting it once a week. Maybe he is being very upfront and honest, or not. He deduced we need another date. The Guy couldn't come up with a good 3rd date. That's where I need your help.

What would a good 3rd date be? I want to show my spontaneity with this guy. I want something fun, maybe dinner and ___. I told Chris I was spontaneous and want to show that. He'll probably say ok to whatever, but he'll have to work his schedule around it. Soooooo what would a good date be? Any ideas? I'm open to anything...

I went back to the bathroom to pee, then The Guy told me how I've peed nonstop tonight, how the bathroom is still there, and then he told me I looked well. He said my texts to him today were witty and sarcastic. Josh was running late training, so we pushed our hangout from 4:30 to 5:00. I texted him to tell Josh that he needs to get on the ball and that it was ok. The Guy said he knows my world is crumbling, yet I'm still picking myself up, which was so nice to hear.

Monday, November 24, 2008

My fantasy: My ultimate birthday

The Guy just gave Josh, his personal trainer, the ultimate birthday in my mind. I was thinking when I was showering tonight what would my ultimate birthday be? I would love to have some sort of ultimate birthday experience like that where a friend/boyfriend plans it all, takes me out, and I'm just along for the ride/enjoyment, as well as surprises along the way.

Some ideas in my mind that could be fun...

Scenario 1: Vegas
A Vegas trip like Josh's, except instead of seeing Phantom of the Opera, we see the Blue Man Group

Scenario 2: The best of So Cal
A day in LA getting lost and seeing the best of LA/Hollywood. Sightseeing definitely, massages ... and... A broadway play? A fancy restaurant in LA/Hollywood? A night at a nightclub?

Scenario 3: Roller coasters
A friend and I go to Disneyland, then brunch at the Blue Bayou Restaurant inside the Pirates of the Caribbean ride (Only because I've never eaten there- I'm not sure how the food is, but it seems really romantic/quiet), then shopping in Downtown Disney, off to Knotts Berry Farm for more rides and fun. Then end the day shopping at the South Coast Plaza or Irvine Spectrum or some other shopping place and dinner.

Scenario 4: City tour
Half of the day in San Diego sightseeing, then up the 5 to stop at the beach. Blacks Beach maybe? Then on to Orange County for some random event (shopping, food, etc.) Then up to LA/Hollywood for a fancy dinner/shopping/play/club.

Scenario 5: The shopping mall experience
The Grove in LA, Victoria Gardens or Ontario Mills, The Camarillo Outlets? Desert Hills Premium Outlets in Cabazon? The outlets at Stateline? Of course I'd hope that because it were my birthday my friend(s) would pick up the tab. ...And a massage would be needed at the end of that long day!

Scenario 6: The Madonna Inn
I have been here twice in my life. I love all there is to do along the Central Coast like Solvang, Santa Barbara, and San Luis Obispo, which are all beautiful places. I'd love to take a trip up there with a friend, visit one or some of these places, then eat dinner at the Madonna Inn, and spend the night there. I've only eaten in the restaurant and the steakhouse, but never been able to stay in the hotel. Each hotel room has a different theme and there are probably 50-100 rooms I'm guessing if I recall right. It would be cheesy, yet cute, to do with the right person.

The Caveman Hotel Room

The steakhouse

I'm just saying given that my birthday is a little over a month away................

What would your ultimate birthday be? Has anyone ever had one of those ultimate birthdays? HAHA

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Starbucks Date- Chris

I have been texting Chris back and forth since we met up that day at Starbucks. He would text me things like "I just spent the past 4 hours standing" to which I'd reply "ouch- at least it is lunch now and you have 30 minutes to SIT and relax." He'd respond with an "LOL" or something like that. Then Wednesday of this week we were going to meet up, but he had to work overtime and was not in good humor about it. He said for me to text him something funny. I told him a random blond joke. Then I had another bad groaner joke: "what type of insect loves money," or something to that effect. The answer was an account-ANT. Ok I figured after he replied to those... he can stand my humor. I also texted him saying that Lindsay Lohan was floured the other day by PETA. I said I just love that hot mess- not. So Wednesday didn't work out and with the family stuff going on with me Saturday worked better.

I texted him- notice I keep saying text- he only texts, but claims if I call he'd pick up. He hasn't yet. HAH I texted him this afternoon asking if he was still interested about 11:20 when I was out with The Guy. He texts back soon saying probably. We chat all afternoon via text about where to meet etc. etc. When I got home from my outing to Monterey Park I quickly type up my blog about last night with The Guy/family, text him several times, then hop in the shower. It is 6:15 when I leave and we're meeting at 6:30.

At 6:30p.m. right under the freeway down the street from The Guy's house there is an alcohol checkpoint. So it makes me late. I needed the full 10 minutes it takes to get from The Guy's to BJs. We meet at 6:35 and I tell him what happened. Well, I wait outside the restaurant. I text him only to find out he has the table I reserved and he is inside.

We get inside and he asks me how my day was, where I went, etc. etc. I told him and then he told me about his day and buying the new touchscreen Blackberry. He tells me how he shops at 3 different grocery stores, so grocery shopping is an all day thing. We talk about what we did this past week. I tell him about my classes and he tells me about work. I was hesitant to tell him about my dad and I just did because he said I seemed really bored when I texted him yesterday. I watered down the story though. I bring up how I know he takes the train to work and ask how that works like when he works late and is late. He said it doesn't matter because he works for the government they encourage him to ride mass transit. He told me about a birthday party he went to last night at the gay nightclub in the city I live in with a friend who goes to my school. Her name wasn't familiar. We talk about cooking and I tell him what I like to cook and he tells me the same. We talk about Thanksgiving and all of our responsibilities with who makes what. We talked about music- I talked about being at work the other day and having a student who was singing Womanizer as she walked in look that word up in the dictionary. We talked about Rihanna, that she was only 19, and things like that. They played a really old Toni Braxton song while we were in there and I was able to identify who it was, though I wanted to say Alliyah. He was surprised and told me he was shocked I knew that. HAH. We talk about food we've had at BJ's. He had chicken parmesan and I had a chicken barbecue sandwich that was very good and fell apart in the last few bites of the last half. That was unfortunate. Overall, the quality was very good. He asks if I want to see a movie afterward. I said sure and we talk about various movies. The only one I could think of was "Nick and Norah." He wasn't agreeable to that and I said "well, there is 'Twilight'"to which he said he wanted to see that. He said he heard bad things about it. I said I heard only good things because mainly it was girl-friends who were seeing it. Gonzo had already sent me half a dozen texts of how she was "SWOONING"- major emphasis on SWOONING over Edward Cullen. I told him what she said. Someone fainted in the restaurant while we were eating, so that was also a source of something to talk about.

The Toni Braxton Song I was able to ID in the restaurant. It won't let me embed.

We decide to leave the restaurant at 8p.m. and arrive at Ontario Mills 5 minutes later. He finds a parking space in the very first row in front of the theater where I have to park 7-8 rows away. That is no biggie. We meet outside of the theater and I see him again standing like I'm now beginning to picture him. Nicely dressed guy, 5'11'', Puerto Rican, his square glasses, tall and slim, left ear pierced, always holding his Blackberry in his hand, always wearing a long pea coat, and fitted jeans. He asked where I park and we buy our tickets. I run to the bathroom and he waits for me. When I come back he is sitting with his legs folded over looking at his Blackberry. Then we go in the theater and he is amazed by how large it is, how there are so few people there, and things like that. We sit in the middle about halfway up in the theater. We talk about phones, bad commercials, and random smalltalk I can't remember.

During the movie Chris sat with his hands like he was praying. I was moving mine all over trying to get comfortable. These seats weren't as comfortable as he thought. During the show when there was a funny or particularly bad part he would smile and chuckle, then mutter "oh no." I think we all laughed at pretty much the same points. It was scary in the baseball scene in the movie "Twilight" when the vampires were playing baseball because the theater went dark as the ball was being pitched toward the screen. The theater was silent, then a bunch of kids started laughing, then we asked what each other thought of the movie. He thought it was cheesy and there was bad acting. I agreed with the bad acting. I also commented on how the book was written where it seems like not a lot of dialogue is exchanged between the characters, everything is short and choppy coming from this teenage girl's mind. I am only about 80 pages into the book right now. A couple minutes later the manager comes in and tells us it will be about 10 minutes, so we sit and talk, while the teens in the theater run around and play. When the movie resumes it is over halfway over and I thought the story just went downhill. I wasn't impressed with the ending- I guess the story didn't seem convincing. Even though it is not a non-fiction story I like some believability, but for me, it was hard to find that balance. Maybe the book will be better. Maybe I'm just being a tough critic because Gonzo is insistent I read the book and I'm telling her how I don't want to. Plus my sister made fun of me when I asked her for the books because she is a cunt like that (that's The Guy's new name for her).

The movie ends and we talk about the delay for the new "Harry Potter" and how sad he is about that. Then he says that he had a good dinner, saw a good movie, and got a free movie, so he had a good night. I agreed it was a good night and thanked him. He said that he needed a hug and extended his long arms out and we hugged for a moment. I felt really weird doing it. Not weird in that it was anything against him, but being in a less accepting area where 2 guys embrace, plus a lot of teens around. Oh well. I'm glad we did hug because his hug just sort of warmed my spirits.

I texted him when I got back to The Guy's thanking him for the evening. He texts me back saying he loves my hugs and that I'm definitely a good hugger. I tell him to have a good night and sleep well at about 11:30.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

I am not well

The past 2 days have been miserable. I am not going to go into tons of details, but my dad had his surgery the other day. My dad broke some bones in the upper part of his leg that the doctor had to operate on and repair, as well as cut out some inflamed tissue that was causing him excruciating pain up and down his legs and back. There was good and bad to the surgery. Good in that the surgery went ok and that he should be able to walk in a few months after physical therapy and other things. Bad in that he is very loopy, even today, because his blood pressure is so low. He spent the day at Kaiser with my mom. I spent almost all day at Kaiser yesterday with my mom and sister waiting for my dad.

It was 7p.m., and nearly a 7 hour surgery before my dad had woken up and the surgery was complete and we could pick him up. I call The Guy about 6p.m. and he asks how I was holding up. I told him how bored I was and he said he felt really bad because he knows I really needed someone and he wasn't there. That hurt me badly. I was feeling fine most of the day and was pretty strong throughout the whole procedure even though it was a very serious procedure. I just told The Guy it wasn't a big deal. Then I texted him telling him how I felt bad that I didn't call when I needed someone to lean on. He was going to dinner with Jeff. He had been going to take Josh out, but Josh broke plans with The Guy to go with Jackie. They went to PF Changs.

I get a call about 8p.m. from The Guy asking how I was holding up. I wasn't holding up well. I picked my dad up at 7p.m. or so, then we weren't in my car even 5 minutes when my world came crashing down. My aunt in Nor Cal did something that was so rude, so hurtful, and just so bad. It made a difficult day even more difficult. My dad and I get to the restaurant where my aunt and uncle are, then eat. We eat at Norms. It was disgusting food. I will never go back. It was so bland and dry. Anyways, dinner constituted my dad being extremely forgetful and asking the waitresses name over 30 times. That was the only thing going through his mind. I had to tell my mom about what happened, which broke her down, but what my aunt did could not wait no matter how things were just trying to get back to normal. Then my aunt and uncle had to hear that, which made it more difficult because of the money situation, but also because they're just as sick and worried as we are.

We get back to my house and my aunt and uncle come to help my dad. The conversation then turns to money. They see our newly carpeted bathrooms, then my sister says "well, you should see Mike's room; it is bare and it has nothing in it, but he wants a new $3000 bedroom set." Thanks sister. Then she says that I'm the greediest child because I just dropped $300 at Banana Republic and the only reason she knows about it is because my dad made an issue about having to buy all of that stuff. He owed me, though. Thanks sister for embarrassing and humiliating me in front of my family. The whole reason the money issue came up is because now we're having to pay even more for a lawyer (and we've paid close to $50,000 already); we are currently remodeling our house; and because my mom's boss doesn't like her, he cut one of her classes forcing her to take a 20% pay cut. My parents were talking about how this can't continue and how they've tapped into their retirement etc. etc. This stuff worries me because it is their future, but also money is so tight every month, and I don't ask for a lot, but dumbass sister makes it sound like I do. My uncle kept saying he'd give money whenever needed, but that's not the issue. The issue is what my aunt did.

The Guy called at about 9p.m. and I tell him how my world just came crashing down and everyone is so worried. We knew this would happen, but it was a matter of when. We have to act by MOnday to do anything if there is a chance, but my aunt could be in a lot of trouble. Anyways, I tell THe Guy and he asked if I wanted to get out. I did. I ask if I could spend the night because I'll just be turning around and house sitting for him this weekend. He says fine as long as I don't mind sleeping on the couch. I didn't.

I pack my weekend bag because I was going to be house sitting for him when Josh and him go to Vegas for Josh's birthday. When I got to his place there was a balloon and vase of flowers. Josh stayed the night Thursday night, then Friday The Guy and him both had to get up early. The Guy was trying to overcompensate because he broke up with Jackei the night before.

I tell The Guy my problems about why I was feeling so bad being a target of my sister's. He told me to snap back, only focus on the future, not to question her ideas, or give my sister any power by that. It is so hard when I feel so bad because I don't feel like I ask a lot from friends (like The Guy monetary-wise or for things like him to hang out with me like it would have been nice Friday). Then I don't think I ask a lot from family- I may splurge on clothes once or twice a year, same goes for big items. The Guy didn't seem to understand. I was fed up and wanting to walk out. I told him I was going to. He finally said he's not helping. He said he can't see any of this. Still, today, he doesn't know how much his dad makes. He always, always had money. He gets his parents hand me downs. His parents are well off. His parents never ever mentioned the word money- it was just always there, so he doesn't understand what I'm going through but feels so bad because it is eating me up so much.

We talk even more and I talk about how my aunt's actions are also hurting me because of the emotional attachment to what she did, then the worry about the future, how things will play out, money, and things like that. Again, The Guy wasn't very open and he was just telling me to get over it, but it is so hard. I gave up and told him forget it. He didn't want to, but I said YES and with a little more talking I was better able to explain how I felt.

Again, we talk about friendship. He talked about how this is eating me up and it pains him to see how I'm so focused on the past. I don't think I am. I was just questioning whether my sister's points were valid, and again, he didn't see that. We talked. We talked about friendship and how we aren't always there for friends and how he understands how I was hurt and even a short text would have probably meant the world. I understand he was in a spiral because Josh broke up with Jackie, then when The Guy got home in the afternoon Jackie was at The Guy's house and Josh and Jackie were suddenly back together.

We take some Tylenol PM to sleep, then call it a night at 11p.m. or so.

We both wake up at about 8:30. The Guy plays some WOW, then we get ready about 9a.m. He asks if I have gas in my car. I said I didn't know. He tells me how he still doesn't know about the watch. I said NO. I told him to keep it for later, give it to himself, etc. He didn't believe me. He called Zach. Zach didn't pick up, but calls back a little bit later and says that Josh has done nothing. The Guy tries the watch on and says it isn't him. He'd want one with a metal instead of plastic band. The Guy says he doesn't want it. Zach says to do it after all he has done, as a little reward that he is still sane after being so caught up in everything. He agrees. In the car as I drive him to Ralphs he takes pics and texts Zach and sends the pics. Zach approves of the watch. The Guy also talks about how he is not sure why he is doing all of this for Josh. He never does this stuff for Jeff, Zach, or I. That was reassuring and I was glad he realized it.

We go to Ralphs so he could get snacks for the trip up- carrots, strawberry smoothie, pitas from Pita Pit, ice, an ice chest, and some other stuff. All healthy. The Guy tells me how he has an itinerary for the trip he made. It is about 10 pages with a picture of the roulette wheel, Vegas map, then a schedule like the trip up, what they'd do every minute etc. I told The Guy it was really cute, but definitely overkill. He said he wanted to give it, then tear it up. I discouraged that. He said I'm right- it is his fear about everything like the future and having to have it planned out and be perfect. The Guy gives me his Arco gas card and I go and fill up my car. It only takes $18 to put 9 gallons in my car. HOW AWESOME IS THAT?

Also on the car trip we listened to Gloria Gaynor's "I will Survive," "More Than a Woman" by the BeeGees, and "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol.

I drop The Guy off to get his rental car. I wait a few minutes, then he texts saying all is ok. I drive back to his place. He rolls up a few minutes later in a black 2008 Cadillac CTS. He rented a car for Josh and him. He was upset it wasn't a Mercedes or Infiniti and protested, but it was a pretty nice car. He packed, showered, then I gave him my iPod cord (car charger and AUX adapter) for the Caddy. He looked good in the Caddy. No joke. Black shirt, black sunglasses, black hair, haha

He takes off about 12, and I do too to get food.

This afternoon I drove down to Monterey Park for food. That is a 30 mile drive, but I haven't been to LA in a long time and wanted to go. I went to a favorite Chinese food place of mine. Then I realized I was on Atlantic, which turns into Telegraph Road, which was near the outlets. The Citadel Outlets. I had never been, had heard about them, especially on HOT 92.3. I drove down there and it was a mess. Parking? Miles away. Good deals though- 2 pairs of Levi's for $45, a few gifts for my aunts at the Corningware/Pyrex store. Would I go there again? NO. It was junky, crowded, and not worth it. It made me sad. Leaving was a challenge because of the Christmas tree lighting ceremony at the outlets. I end up winding through the streets of Commerce and East LA and I do drive by The Guy's dad's business which was a neat feeling to see it in person, though it was nothing special; but also it just kind of made everything seem more real.

Pictures are acting funny, but if you enlarge you can see how junky these outlets appear being off the freeway in an industrial area.
Why did I pet sit this weekend? Jeff wanted to do it for The Guy, but I knew I would want out of the house because I'd be going crazy. My aunt and uncle would be there for my dad at his every beck and call, plus too many people in the house would make it crazy. It was yesterday just being at Kaiser with everyone. My dad is doing ok tonight- he is stable- so things could change. But I knew I'd need a break. I was going crazy and the thing that happened with my aunt does effect me, but I can't really do anything to help. I had no clue this would also happen, but I knew I'd need a vacation and pet sitting for him was a vacation. I am there for my family, but this weekend I wouldn't have been much help.

How much did The Guy spend on Josh?
$25 money clip
$100 iPod headphones for Sunday afternoon when The Guy meets Josh's parents for lunch
$300+ rental car
$325 hotel room at Bellagio
$100+ I'm guessing very conservatively on dinner at a sushi restaurant in the Bellagio
$20 flowers and balloon
$1 card
$330 for 2 tickets to Phantom of the Opera