Thursday, April 30, 2009

On edge

It is week 5 at school, 5 more weeks to go this quarter, 1 week of finals, then I graduate. WOW!!!

I had a midterm yesterday in Spanish. It was an oral presentation. It was supposed to be with Carl. I didn't have any of Carl's material at 10a.m. Monday, which is when I told him I wanted the information so I could put it in the Powerpoint. I wasn't surprised. He called me nearly a dozen times beginning at 3:30a.m. Wednesday morning to let me know he didn't have it. I keep my cell phone on all the time (for family reasons), but I'm sure everyone does. After about 8 repeated calls I turned my phone off, and by 4:30a.m. I had received 20 calls. So much for forgetting my phone number. Anyways, by 1:30p.m. yesterday I had 5 myspace messages from him that I'm sure you guys don't want to read about, because I don't, and each time I got one it sent me into an emotional spiral (although I didn't read them) because I was mad and worried about things like my grade, something Carl isn't worried about. Presentation ended up going well and I knew Carl's info. well enough, and explained to the professor Carl was gone.

I have been waking up at 4:30a.m. or so every morning. It is not fun.

I have had 2 horrible days at work. The 7th graders are out of control. Administration doesn't care. I felt powerless and wanted to cry. I usually don't let the kids get to me like that, but it was just a combo of stuff going on this week/nerves about work/grad school. I had a kid throw up in my classroom today and we had to finish the rest of the day in the cafeteria. Kids were wacko afterwards all day.

Have felt really alone this week- just a lack of support from work, family is focused on issues with my dad and aunt in Nor Cal, The Guy and I have been going to hang out, but he is busy in the evenings, and our schedules are conflicting. Gonzo has been really busy too.

Money on my end- My paycheck wasn't deposited into my account when it was supposed to be and was put in an old account (thanks Altura, Fucking Idiot, Credit Union) causing lots of overdrafts and me to have to run up several hundred in credit card charges. They waived the overdrafts after me raising hell. I don't know if I mentioned, but this is the bank that thought going to WEHO with the bloggers back in March 2008 and withdrawing $43 from an ATM (after $3 surcharge) was suspicious, and going to Kentucky this past summer was also supsicious. My money will be moved when I'm paid on the 9th of the month completely into a different bank. I know I just need to let the bank know I frequently travel out of the IE area, but I'm fed up with them. I've filled out the forms at work already to have my check put in my new bank. I already have the account set up at the other bank, so we're good to go.

Family stuff- we're on edge about my dad's health (he's been to the doctor 3 times this week) and drama with my aunt in Nor Cal. When we should be closer as a family because we're worried about my dad and rooting for him, we're separated because everyone is running in 10 different directions because of the aunt situation.

The good news? I need to think positively, which I've really been trying to do, and it has helped. This stuff is keeping me sane and I feel "lucky" that this stuff is going right...

"Lucky" - jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat

Went out with a guy named Luke I met on connexion a few months back, last night. We went to the club Carl and I had been going to. We had been chatting for a while. He is a Mac user and needed an IEEE-1394 cable, which I had several extra. I said if he bought me a nice, strong drink, I'd give him my IEEE-1394 cable. We share a lot of the same things in common (teacher, went to my college, Mac user) and so enough to be friends. We agreed and went out and chatted. Met him at 10:30 last night and got home around 12, only to wake up at 3:30 and doze off until 4:44a.m.

Texting Hottie and I are still texting. Gonzo and I finally, sort of, caught up over text and are planning on going out soon. My coworker Marci and I have been chatting a lot, and for once, someone is randomly texting me. Best friend down in Mississippi and I have also chatted a lot and want to do something together this summer.

I got a letter of interest for a job I applied for. I had a good conversation with my dad about some school/stuff related to my future.

I think the Spanish presentation went well. I have a new partner named Steven, whom is very EASY to work with. We met after class yesterday for our presentation on Wednesday. He said he'd do the second half of the chapter if I did the first, we'd both get a book from the library for "additional resources," and I told him to have his information to me by Monday night to compile it. He said not to worry, he'd have to it to me by 5:00p.m. Saturday afternoon. I am inclined to believe him, he is on top of his stuff.

I had my graduation announcement photos taken today and have already seen them, and picked out my favorite. The photographer knows that I am really interested in journalism and she said I needed some nice headshot photos if I do a website or something, and so she went in with that mindset when doing my photos. I LOVE MY PHOTOS, and do plan to put them on my website. It really made me feel kind of sexy to get the photos done, and they really turned out well, haha.

Update: Much better mood this morning. Slept at least 7 hours last night and didn't wake up once.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Blogs couldn't be resurrected

As I mentioned in my last post I lost 2 posts when I was trying to post/do some site maintenance stuff, mostly playing around. Note to myself to not do that again.

Here's a very short summation:

Texting Hottie and I had dinner at Mimi's Cafe after texting together all day. We saw "The Soloist." Texted once we got home and thanked each other.

Texted on Saturday about breakfast foods and his chocolate coma enducing cookies he was making.

Sunday he texted me saying "carne asada at 7 with beans and rice" if I was interested. I texted back I was, but didn't know how to get to his house. He sent directions, showed me around, showed me his plants, we watched TV and sat on the couch. I left at 11p.m. when I was tired and he was falling asleep.

Monday we texted back and forth about the chicken farm he lives on and all the chickens he has there/ KFC chicken's specal.

Tuesday just a text from me telling him how I was having a terrible day and questioning why I want to teach. He texted me a "he couldn't sleep" and "goodnight."

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Bloggy issues

Had a couple posts up about Texting Hottie and I accidentally deleted them when trying to make a blog post. Ugh. Hopefully I can resurrect them. I think I wrote them in Word? We'll see, if so, I'll repost.

Texting Hottie is definitely a winner in summation.

Carl continues... I am not replying...

His message to me on myspace today:

Re: No response

I wish it wasn't that way, but i didn't see anything or witness an attempt on your part to save our friendship after this all happened. i was really hurt, i shy'd away because of it. I got nothing from you that seemed like an attempt to want to reconcile it. I wasn't in the wrong (i strongly feel) because i was really hurt by you on my birthday. THREE attempts, failed! Many attempts to communicate with you (via your stupid cell phone), failed! Plus the number of other times we made plans for my birthday that you didn't follow through. Again, I was flexible! And 3 attempts? How many times did he call me guys? And how many times did I say I was flexible? Too many to recall.

At X club, you put your hand on my leg, you show attraction, closeness, interest in me. When we danced, you danced close, got close, even got a hard on a few times! It made me feel good (at the time) but confused me because once we were away from X club- you were distant again. Never asked to come inside after you dropped me off because your bitch ass was too tired. I wanted to suck your dick on the 91 freeway- and you never did let me, and you never wanted to come inside after. Gee, an indication I don't want to that kind of relationship/friendship? Yes, he did ask, and the answer was NO, I am seeing someone.

When I showed interest in you, I followed through! Not just only at X Club! I communicated with you, and showed you my desire to hang out with you and do different things with you, and spend time with you! And not just for sex because you didn't offer it to me!

I've had nothing but mixed signals from you! You seem to want to spend time with me, but when the time comes, something ALWAYS comes up! Your dog swallows a cactus, your dad is in the hospital, your phone is messing up and always dropping calls, you have to go out of town, you all of a sudden have to work late, you have to go to LA on a SATURDAY for class, your parents left something on the porch, you fucking lost your dog, your sister ate a hamburger, your barbecue overfloweth with water..... etc..

You see where I am coming from?

So, where do (or DID) I stand? How flexible are (or were) you?
Does this happen with all your friends, or just me? Were you just attracted in the physical part of our friendship only at X club? Are you physically attracted to all of your friends or just me? I'm confused. I think my friends are a bunch of good looking people... but... umm... what... a little superficial, no?

I wanted your friendship Mike! I wanted whatever we could have had mutually in the friendship! I wanted to spend time with you whenever you were free to do so. I called you! Maybe you called 1 too many times.

So yea, I was very hurt on my birthday! Enough to end a friendship? Not willingly, but with all the mixed signals I was getting, and the feeling that you were not into the friendship as much as I thought, and the flaking out on Dissneyland (muhaha). I was not in a very optimistic state of mind!

I'm still the same person.. I just wish that you felt that our friendship/companionship or call it what ever you want was something that you would want to fight for to keep at this moment! I'm done trying, I'm just waiting to see if you REALLY want to be in my life, and can make the attempt to save it, and show me that you really do care for me! Have you seen his myspace messages? He has worn me out! I'm going to miss hanging out with him and him always being free, but the drama, the myspace messages, whatever else, not so much...

The ball is in your court. If this is truly over, I will go on with my life. If you make an attempt to save it, I will honor that, and continue to be your friend.

I can't think of anything more to say.

It's up to you...



Saturday, April 25, 2009

Texting Hottie

Here's my first encounter with Texting Hottie. I had a 2nd date with him last night.

I met another guy on adam4adam recently. He seems like a real quality guy. In his profile he didn’t have anything listed like top, bottom, etc.; only that he is recently out of a 5 year relationship, new to the area, and looking for friends. We chatted back and forth on adam4adam for a few days; what do you do, what do you like to do for fun, things like that. Soon we began chatting on AIM and we found we have a lot in common- we love the “hot mess” comedian Chelsea Handler, (Chelsea Lately). We both have that nerdy side to us. He loves to spend time outdoors, travel, and go exploring.

Things progressed and we became myspace friends. He sends me myspace messages every couple days asking what I’m up to, how school and things are going. He was checking up on me when I was in Seattle. Thursday he said he was coming over into my city to go shopping. He asked what I was up to that evening. I said just allergy shots at 4:30, then I didn’t have any plans after that. I sent my cell phone number in the message and he texted me a few hours later. He said that he was going to come over to my city to shop for a wedding gift for friends. Then a few minutes later he had a call from his good friends who were moving and needed help to move, so his plans were slashed. He texted me one Friday night asking what I was doing and told me he may be going to the plant sale at my college on Saturday. I texted him Saturday morning and asked if he was. We made plans for the plant sale at 1:30p.m.

So Dom in a nutshell. He goes home to LA every weekend to hang out with his lesbian sister, straight brother, and family. He is 27, 5’7’’, 130lbs, dark brown hair, dark, hairy body, his dad is Portuguese and mom is French I think he said.

We get there at 1:30. I pull in a few minutes before him I guess. I recognize him immediately. He parks a few rows away from me and a little guy like him gets out of a huge SUV. I was amused. We shake hands, then start trekking up to the sale. We introduce ourselves. I tell him I’m a Comm/Spanish major. He joked how he realized I was a Spanish major the night before when he was texting me in Spanish and my Spanish came off better, so he quickly reverted back to English. We talked about phones. He has a Blackberry that he is in love with.

He is an egg inspector. He works for a large company in the area that produces eggs. He is in charge of quality control- ensuring the eggs are safe, chickens aren’t being mistreated, employees aren’t mistreated, etc. He went to Cal Poly, majored in Agriculture, and stuff like that. He used to live up in Turlock doing that, but came down here 2 years ago when he got a much better opportunity. He has a sweet deal. Company paid housing on the property, 4 bedroom house, he only pays for his TV and phone. I tell him about subbing, work, and stuff like that.

He is really interested in plants as you can guess with a degree in Agriculture and he asks me my interest in plants. I said “they’re nice to look at, I don’t really know the names, but I’m excited to see what you have to show me.” He showed me pictures on his camera of his yard with plants and trees he bought. He told me how you plant various things. There were several plants with interesting smells he pointd out. One that smelled like cat piss, another that smelled like popcorn, one that smelled like carrots, vanilla, and the list went on. It was really interesting. He went around and picked up a bush, an herb, and a few seed packets.

We walked through the botanical gardens and he told me about a lot of the plants, how things should be in bloom because it is Spring, but aren’t. He told me about some of the stuff he is planting. We talked about his family. He told me about the lesbian sister, brother, mom, dad, stepmom etc. He never really has the time to get out and just do stuff, and is really looking for friends.

He asked what I like to do, where I live, things like that. His dad was in the military, so constantly moving. He lived in Ohio, Hawaii, and Cali. I told him how my mom’s dad was in the military and my mom hated constantly switching schools and moving, so that probably explains why I’ve lived in the same house my entire life. My mom went to nearly 20 different schools- almost every elementary and middle school in the city I live in, as well as several schools in San Diego, Virginia, West Virginia, and Wisconsin. I told him I am learning video editing, how I’m doing that for journalistic reasons. I like to troubleshoot computers. I like to drive, go to amusement parks, random trips, and things like that. He told me how he went to Six Flags a few weeks back and roller coasters just didn’t’ give him that thrill. He hasn’t been to Disneyland since his senior year of college.

After passing all of the herbs I told him I like to cook. He asked what I like to cook and I told him about my obsession with Rachael Ray. I love her 30 minute meals because they’re quick and more or less healthy. I told him I’m not one to bake because I can never make perfect cookies or things like that. He loves to bake on the other hand and makes huge batches of everything. He cooks a lot of salads and fresh ingredients because of his garden. He is very health conscious it seems. He loves Americas Test Kitchen books and often tries recipes from there, as well as stuff he sees on the Food Network.

Adam4adam came up in the conversation. We sat down on a park bench and chatted. We talked about how it is all about hookups and the better sites like connexion. He told me about his ex. His ex is 6 years older and basically it ended up being like a marriage because after 6 months of dating his ex moved in with him because his living situation changed. Him and his ex just broke up after doing the whole long distance thing, but how he was doing all the work in the relationship like the cleaning, cooking, buying everything because all of his exes money went toward school and they never saw each other when they lived together in the last few years because of his ex being in school getting his MBA. His ex was 5 years older. He told me how he goes to the lesbian clubs a lot with his sister and had been to a couple of the clubs in the area. I told him about what I knew and how it is kind of the same queeny guys constantly going.

We talked about my college and I showed him what some of the landmarks were that I could identify from the top of the botanical gardens, then we headed down to pay for his plants.

He asked what I was up to the rest of the afternoon. I didn’t have any plans. He said he wanted to go to Trader Joes and if I wanted to accompany him. Then he said that there is a Panera right there, which we both love, so he followed me down to it. He was surprised I didn’t hop on the freeway.

We get to Trader Joes, then walk over to Panera. We probably chat in Panera for an hour to hour and a half. He tells me about how he got involved in agriculture, why it interests him, how some people find it such a turnoff because he sees things being killed, how he has raised chickens or pigs, then killed and ate them. I told him it wasn’t a big deal because my grandma used to do the same and I vaguely remember her having cows, killing them, then calling her friend the butcher to take the cow away, then a few weeks later she had meat.

He told me stories about him trying to learn Spanish. He is of Spanish origin, but only his last name shows that.

We talked a lot about cooking, how my mom is a home economics teacher, so we eat in a lot. Everything is from scratch. The most expensive meal my mom makes is her homemade pizza. He seemed really intrigued by this. I admitted how when I was little I was never exposed to things like Stove Top Stuffing, Top Ramen, etc. He got a good laugh out of that, but it was true. He told me how he loves to cook, which is why he was going to Trader Joes for a lot of Indian food spices. He wanted to make chicken tiki marsala and some other stuff. He is all about doing things fresh. He told me how his brothers family does not cook, they eat Chilis for every meal, or Carls Jr. He told me how his brother and sister-in-law have just ballooned over the past couple of years. We talked about making cookies, Christmas cookies, recipes, and things like that.

We finished eating, then walked over to Trader Joes. He picked out a basket and got the spices and stuff he needed. We chatted about a lot of the same stuff we already had. He gave me a lesson about eggs inside Trader Joes, which was amusing.

We go outside to his car, then talk a little bit more about food. Then we talk about our plans for the evening. I decide homework may be in my best interest and he has to help his friends finish moving. We hug, then part ways. He texted me about an hour later thanking me for spending the day with him and I tell him it is my pleasure, that I enjoyed learning about the plants, and hope to hang out again. He texted back sorry to bore me and I told him it was interesting, then brought up the cat piss plant. He texted back that was nasty.

But overall, I really like him. He seems like a quality, fun guy, lots of the same interests.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Carl is not done, but we knew that!

Carl was not at school all week. I knew Friday would roll around and Carl would be lonely. Was I right? I was right. He almost always calls me Thursday and Friday nights.

And today I got a myspace message at about 2p.m.

Subject: hi
Message: I hope all is well

I wanted so badly to write back that everything was grand. I didn't. I can be a big boy and I don't need the drama, so I refrained.

And at 6p.m. I just received this one, which of course is one of those that sounds manipulative and is trying to reel me back in...

Subject: i guess you are comfortable
...with the situation the way it is. it was a week ago today that this situation came about. i hoped that a week of silence would allow you to think about things, and hopefully attempt to contact me with the desire rekindle our companionship.

i still firmly believe that i was not in the wrong, having been hurt the way i was. i still believe that i'm not deserving of your friendship since i can only contribute so much to it. perhaps you have decided the same.

i will miss you Mike.

last week in anger, i deleted your cell number from my phone. so i could not contact you that way, and my brother had done something to the computer last week preventing us from being able to log in for almost the week. So- until yesterday, there would have been no way to contact you anyways.

honestly, for a period of 3 days during the week i pretty much stayed in my room the whole time. i slept probably 30 hours total, and ate and showered once. i feel that i am slipping into a deeper depression. oh well. i have no friends, no job, no money. why wouldn't i be depressed?

well.. for what it's worth.. i did enjoy your friendship! i just wish that i could have contributed more to it, and i wish you had another type of cell phone, and i REALLY wish that I dodn't have a birthday this year, then you wouldn't have been able to hurt my feelings.

take care..


The only thing I'm going to say, well, I think he is unreasonable to give me a week and expecting everything to be rosy. And he is "not in the wrong being hurt the way he was?" As I recall I told him we would go to Disneyland, just another day. And he was the one who didn't want my friendship...

His myspace status: Majorly
Mood: Depressed!

I'm not trying to make a game out of this, drag it out, or just keep beating a dead horse. I am just venting because it came up, and well, I don't believe I'm in the wrong on this one, and I don't see myself running back to him. And with Carl, everything is a game. I know how he works. He says something, he knows I'll feel sorry, and run back. He has to own up this time. Sorry. Part of me wants to reply back and tell him I'm sorry, but the damage is done; but I think that sometimes things are best left unsaid.

2 new pretty boys at KTLA

On Wednesday morning, KTLA introduced a new reporter. His name is Brandon Rudat. He definitely looks like a pretty boy, and well, I think he swings my way. I've watched him the past couple mornings- his mannerisms, he wears vests, bright colors (including pink). Maybe he is just fashionable...

And then we can't forget Jason Martinez who has been reporting and anchoring quite a bit on the station. He is just YUMMY. Perfect hair, eyebrows, voice, face, body, and he seems to be a pretty good reporter/anchor. He is from the area I live in too... I keep waiting to see him around, though.

KTLA has quite the collection of hot male reporters as of recent. Jason, Brandon, Frank Buckley, and Emmett Miller. I'd love to see more of Jason... I'm just saying...

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Still here

Busy week- No work, just taking care of business. Applied to credentialing programs, got my graduation announcements, caught up on lots of homework.

Haven't talked to Carl. He did send me a message to let me know that I am no longer on his top 4 on his myspace. I'm not even in his top 8, 16, or 24. I'm #48. I'm broken, as you can tell. Ooh. Big loss. There goes my ego.

Well, while that friendship may have fizzled out, I have been chatting with Dennis a lot lately. He wants to go that club Carl and I had gone to. He also was opening up to me about guys he likes, which was cool, since he is such a private person.

I have continued chatting with texting hottie. He was on the computer the other night, then sent me photos of a snake he caught, and I totally freaked out on him, in a good way, though, telling him how I was afraid of snakes. I'm going to ask him next week if he wants to do something next weekend.

And of course, The Guy continues to be amazing and I'm thankful for his friendship. I had a health scare this week, and he was there through phone calls and text supporting me. It is so easy to talk to him, and I'm thankful that he has sort of the "been there, done that" mentality, and is so easy going that makes it easy to talk to him. I'm ok, btw!

As I said, no work this week unfortunately. I was annoyed this morning. By 8:15 this morning the house phone had rang 5 times and I wasn't going to sit around playing secretary all day. I called up my friend Mike and asked if he wanted to meet in 45 minutes, we were going to Disneyland. He said as long as we're home by 4p.m. for him to take off to his class. We went to Disneyland/Cali Adventure. The longest line was Space Mountain at 25 minutes. The weather, this overcast stuff, was perfect. We got on 8 rides in 5 hours (Buzz Lightyear, Soaring Over California, California Screamin', Star Tours, Buzz in Disneyland, Space Mountain, Indiana Jones, and Mark Twain). It took 65 minutes to make it back to the IE, but only 40 minutes to get there this morning.

Monday, April 20, 2009

I don't want to be your friend anymore

After 20 calls Saturday night, the night of Carl's birthday I finally picked up his last 2 calls. He told me to call him on his house phone, from my house phone etc. His excuse for calling was he didn't know whether or not I was receiving the calls. I received every one of his calls, but I was practicing something called boundaries. I got a call Saturday night as I was about to head out the door that said if I wanted to be his friend I'd have to take him to the the club we've been going to for his birthday. Before everything registered, he hung up. Once I processed the information I realized I did have something going on. I was going out with Gonzo and her boyfriend, so I had to refuse. I called him up and apologized asking to reschedule. He said fine and sounded like he was going to cry. I didn't say why I had to refuse, but had he asked I would have said "family stuff," or something to that effect. I apologized and explained how I had other commitments. He said ok and hung up. Ten minutes later I get a call and I pick it up because I knew what it was, it was going to be an end all thing.

Me: Hello
Carl: I don't want to be your friend anymore.
Me: I'm sorry, I tried my best.

Who knows, who cares, I'm not worried at this moment. We have 2 projects coming up in Spanish we're doing together. Who knows what'll become of those. Again, I'm not worried because the professor can always place me with someone else.

It is the simple things that make my day

My day:
- Got up, did the dishes, cleaned the bathroom
- Learned a new word from my professor- THUNKFUCKED
Thunkfucked: Forgetting what you were going to say, therefore you thunk it, now you're fucked for not remembering.
- Forgot my lunch in the car, but in a state of boredom and trying to ignore the heat (it was 107) I texted Foot Fetish and told him I had a new word for him, which was thunkfucked and told him the definition. He texted back WTF? I told him it was something my professor came up with. I told him I forgot my lunch in the car and was walking back to the Commons to eat it. He instant messaged me and having AIM on my phone was able to retrieve it. He asked where I was and I told him. Then I subtly hinted that we should hang out since he had a break in between classes. He complained it was too busy in the LGBT center and he was horny, and wanted to see my feet. I invited him to the 2nd floor where I was sitting. He seemed hesitant, but I encouraged him. We both sat close together, our arms and bodies touching as we read about things like Ms. California and other fun stories on Fox News. We chatted about Atheism, how I need to stay away from Fox News, random stuff like that. I'm glad he came. I had to leave at 1 to go back to class.
- In the midst of all of this texting, The Guy called asking if I wanted to go to lunch, or was stuck at work. I told him I was at school, thanked him for the thought, and promised any other day. I wasn't expecting his call at all, so that was nice. Wish I could have gone.
- Got a random text from Viv at work making sure I'm going to aerobics tonight, so with that I'm headed out for a night of exercise with friends.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Bagging on JLO's slow singing

99% of you probably don't care, and this won't make sense to you unless you lived in the LA area in the early-mid 90s, but this amused me today.

Scene: In my car, J-Lo's "My Love Don't Cost a Thing" comes on the radio

Dad: Who sings that?
Me: J-LO
Dad: oh

1 minute later...
Dad: She's sure taking a long time to sing that
Me: ok? haha
Dad: Who's that helicopter girl on channel 5 in Skycam 5?
Me: Ginger Chan?
Dad: No.
Me: Jessica Holmes?
Dad: Not that dimwit.
Me: Desiree Horton?
Dad: No, the cartwheel and teddy bear lady. (When the helicopter was refueling, they would often show her doing cartwheels on the ground at the airport; and she decorated the helicopter with teddy bears)
Me: Jennifer York?
Dad: Yes, whatever happened to her?
Me: I think I read in the LA Times she moved to Georgia or something to pursue music and works at a radio station.
Dad: Ginger Chan is the best thing since Jennifer York.
Me: Yes, she's good.
Dad: This song isn't over yet?
Me: No. It's probably 5 minutes.
Dad: Well, the reason I bring up Jennifer York is she could sing the song in half the time and sound twice as well.
Me: Ok... haha

Here's some Jennifer York... I remember watching this KTLA 2 1/2 year anniversary special in 1995 or so... lmao

Dimwit Jessica Holmes

And BTW, why is Ginger Chan not in the helicopter anymore? That's not cool...

Saturday, April 18, 2009

A photo essay of my day

I LOVE EXPLORING. What better day to do it than today. I had to go to the MOCA (Museum of Contemporary Art) in LA for the Dan Graham art show they had. It is for my contemporary art class I'm taking. I really like contemporary art because it is so open to interpretation, it deals with current themes (war, social injustice, etc.) a lot of the stuff deals with pop culture, and that's something I love. I really enjoyed the Graham exhibit.

So after spending a little over an hour there with my class I took off and wandered Downtown LA. I love exploring. I love getting lost. I love having my camera phone with me.

The MOCA is across the street from the Disney Concert Hall (the shiny building) and can be quite blinding when driving by it.
After photographing it, I walked down to the LA Times Building.
I walked through Pershing Square.
Saw the Angels Flight Tram Cars, which are still not open. I didn't recall them just being RIGHT THERE. I remember seeing them when I was VERY little and went to the Bonaventure Hotel with my parents for a party my mom attended.
Walked through the jewelry district and the Fashion District (Santee Alley). The number of purse vendors didn't surprise me, but the number of wedding/formal wear vendors did.
Went to the Macys Building and bought a few shirts at Macys. I was tempted to buy some Papi underwear, but couldn't imagine it; how would does a white guy like me fit into the Papi image? When I think of Papi I think of a cute latino guy.
Also went to the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising Store where I bought some shirts for my cousin for $5 a piece. I emailed her photos and she liked them.

I loved just snapping photographs and I love how LA clearly marks with signs the way to the Fashion District and all the other touristy things. I had my phone with me and the maps also marked the stuff. Not knowing where all the good shopping was I used the "iWant" feature on my phone and it has such a cool feature that you can pull up the wikipedia for historical landmarks in the area. OMG. LOVED THAT. I don't know where this feature was when I was in Seattle, but I was quite the nerd pulling out my phone looking for places to shop and reading the wikipedias of things like the US Bank Building in Downtown LA.

And another thing? There were so many people out. I loved that. I actually got to use some of my Spanish. There was a young latino guy who saw me standing, looking on my phone. He was waiting for a bus. He asked me if I was lost. I told him I wasn't, but I was looking for a good place to shop. He told me that the Ed Hardy Store in the Fashion District was the place to be.

And it was 88 degrees according to my phone in Downtown LA. I got some much needed sun.

I stopped at my parents and my favorite burger stop in LA on the way home. I picked up burgers for the family. SOOOO GOOD!!! I was hoping to make it home in an hour so they'd still be somewhat warm... hopefully? But no, from Lorena in East LA on the 60, all the way out to the 71 in Diamond Bar (20 miles or so?) I did 35mph. It took 90 minutes to get home, which isn't unusual. The Guy was on the 210 leaving Pasadena and he was also stuck in 35mph traffic and we were wondering where everyone was going, certainly not out to the IE.

The drive home was also fun, when I wasn't on my phone I was listening to the radio and KEARTH 101 has a lost hits weekend (pre-1964 oldies), which was actually really good. I heard Sam Cooke, The 4 Seasons, and a bunch of others.

Coming home I chatted with The Guy and told him about the Carl thing. He asked if I was going to go to the bar I've been going to with Carl tonight. I told him the whole thing. The whole wanting me to be his everything, then how I was so accommodating about the Disneyland thing. He told me that was "beautiful, really beautiful." He sounded like he was going to cry. He told me how it shows what a nice person I am, how I was so accommodating, something came up, I didn't back out and I was continuing with my promise. He told me that's why I'm such a good friend and he values me. He still sounded on the verge of tears. It felt so good to hear that from him and the validation and that basically it is Carl's fault, him being inflexible.

And without further adieu, here's a look at my day. Enjoy!
Oh, and check out all of the links... lots of fun reads

Fabric for sale at $0.99 a yard in the Fashion District- there were lots of fabric stores

A VERY blue building

The US Bank Building/ Library Tower (what I call it)

Angels Flight Rail Cars

Disney Concert Hall

Thursday, April 16, 2009

My dad knows

Came out to him Tuesday night actually. It was all in passing, we were just sitting in the car swapping stories. I just told him I got a restraining order against a guy and was going to have to go back to court in June. He questioned, but then just asked if I dated this guy and explained yes. He was ok with it and the conversation moved onto my mom not finding out, and then her car.

Regret is setting in a little...

I knew this is how it would happen. I would get a dozen calls today from Carl. Why? He wanted to go to Bingo for his birthday. I told him I could not go and told him that. He was going to guilt me into it however and make me feel bad about it.

Here's the evidence: 13 times...

... and I'm stalking GoCountry for tickets to Stagecoach, albeit unsuccessfully
- And he thought he could use his brother's cell phone and I wouldn't know it was him.
- And another thing, unless you are Gonzo, The Guy, my cousin, or another good friend, please don't call me after 10. Carl knows this.

Here's the myspace message from 8 this morning:
Since your VoiceMail SUCKS! I'll leave this message for you tody (Thursday) knowing ALL TO WELL that you will probably get this message TOMORROW and therefore It won't matter, since this has to do with TODAY!

anyway- if you get this, just want to make sure you can still go to bingo tonight. I'm not sure what my Brother is doing today, since i had to wait 20 hours to use the computer.. He might have the car this evening, meaning I have NO WAY to get there.. Was wondering if you could pick me up at 5:30pm?

Knowing you, you wont.. and if you are able to, you will show up LATE! sorry- I just know you WELL!

But if miracles do exist..

well.. call me

Here's the message from 11:15 tonight:
well, i don't really know what to say. it was Thursday night, you didn't show up for Bingo.. I called a dozen times throughout the day, you never answered and i didn't bother leaving a voicemail.

i really wanted you there tonight to share some fun with me, just like i was looking forward to Disneyland Saturday. yet again, something came up and you couldn't participate.

it's hard enough to try contacting you. Your phone still doesn't seem to work. you don't get my voicemails, you don't get texts anymore, and when i leave you myspace messages, you don't seem to get those either. i'm done trying to contact you, when the outcome is just going to be disappointment for me.

sorry if i seem like an ass, it's just that i really don't feel special to anyone anymore. i guess i'm just living a life of regrets now. when i turned 18, my birthday party was at the L.A. Sports Arena with over 500 guests. now, i'm turning 30 and it seems no one gives a fuck about me anymore.

see you whenever..

My thoughts... sorting this out in words since I tend to do that...

Sorry... I'm just venting... his birthday is Saturday and I will call him. I was willing to go to Disneyland as I've said many times before, just a different day since we have different priorities. My goal was to back off this week and not give into him since he was already wearing thin earlier this week with his myspace message and attitude. I knew he'd call a dozen times and I knew it would further annoy me. And I couldn't turn my phone off when I was texting this hottie. I was thinking of being nice the other day and taking him out for drinks or something if he wanted to go Friday night, then I could be with him at midnight on his birthday. Now, not so much. I knew I'd get all of these calls and messages from him and I don't want to be that everything for him. I don't think it was wrong I didn't pick up, even though he considered this one of his birthday celebrations and wanted me there. I will call on Saturday, but I know on Saturday he won't pick up since he is intent on trying to make me feel guilty that he is miserable. I'm not going to let him get to me.

Tempted to just write him a short and concise message: "Carl- your attitude and your apparent disrespect for things in my life has pushed me away. I understand you are going through a difficult time, and sympathize with you. Please, however, don't try to guilt me and manipulate me (excessive phone calls, etc.) to try to get me to drop what I'm doing at the drop of a pin; it just pushes me away. - Mike" Nah... I dunno... not worried...

Oh well, it is his loss. I'm off to bed and plan to sleep pretty well tonight.

Yeah. I have those rotten professors Part 2

You have to wonder how I pick them.
Seriously? I sure do.

Spanish professor
40-50 year old Spanish guy from Michigan
Flirty, funny, an ok lecturer, but an easy A
Had him before and like him, so no complaints

Art professor

hasn't given us a syllabus
we're in week 4 of the 10 week quarter
he seems to make everything up as he goes along as far as what we're to do
doesn't seem real confident
is one of those teachers who says "we'll be graded on effort," which I hate... Ms. Nicotine was the same way and I ended up with a B

Women's studies professor- AKA Blond Cheerleader, Trailer Trash
I don't know what better way to describe her
She is blond, wavy hair, probably 50+ years old
She walks in the room with a Monster Energy Drink, Bloody Mary Mix in a can, Ginger Ale, or Canada Dry... EVERYDAY
AND AN UNLIT CIGARETTE IN HER MOUTH that she hasn't smoked
She starts off every class "lovies, dearies, let's move the tables together, we need some more love going on in here"
She uses words that sounds like she is straight out of the trailer park
When discussing the reading and she can't remember an author's name, she says things like "that bitchfuck" "that mothershit" " that shitfuck" "that mother of shit up the anus"
When something is messed up she says, "that's kinda fuckin hairy" "that's shitty mcpitty"

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


He knows none.
If I don't pick up the phone, he keeps calling.
Over and over if I don't pick up.
Now, it used to be, like with The Guy this is what our call logs would look like because my phone constantly dropped calls.
This, this is not that.
This is Carl being annoying and trying to get attention.
Maybe I'm just in a bad mood, but I think not.
This is Carl calling, wanting to guilt me for the whole birthday situation
Wanting me to know I didn't pick up his phone call when I was in my art class, the one that I have a commitment for on his birthday.

Note: Red= missed calls

10 calls in 1 night only to tell me I didn't pick up my phone yesterday? The first time I admit was a dropped call, then I did call him back and talk for about 2 minutes about me not picking up my phone.

He can call 20 times tomorrow, but I still don't plan on picking up the phone. I need a break.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The Guy

The Guy and I haven't really "talked" in 2 weeks. In fact, he avoided all of my texts and phone calls the past week. He hung out with his parents over Easter. Saturday was busy (probably with a date) and he had to work. Yesterday he slept all day, then had a fight with Josh. Josh and him had a fight last night, then are hanging out tonight and ironing things out. We will probably hang out this weekend. I tried calling him last Tuesday even- we had hung out last Monday night and I didn't blog about it. We had a foursome- 2 of The Guy's friends Colin and Ryan and I making lots of foreplay and sucking each other off and there was some awkward moments when The Guy wasn't getting some attention, so I was trying to give him some, but I didn't know if that was any factor in it or not.

We talked and he was able to bitch to me. I refrained from bitching, though I did share about my sister just because she came up somehow and I told him about the tire thing and the Easter thing with my aunt. We then had to joke around about my sister's vag, her cunt pills, how she will probably end up trailer trash with 15 kids. Then The Guy joked that I probably didn't want him talking about my sister's vag. I had to say it was amusing.

So we will probably hang out Friday or Saturday and it was nice to touch bases. WOOT. In addition, he suggested we hang out, not me, which has been the case so much lately. It kind of made my day to talk to him.

UPDATE! The day keeps getting better. After using my connections I got Mr. P's home e-mail. I got an e-mail from Mr. P and he didn't leave the school as it was rumored. He will leave at the end of this year, but is there for now. In his e-mail we were talking about my graduation and he sounded like his old self quoting Walt Witman in response to how I should feel about my graduation...

"I sound my barbaric yawp from the rooftops of the world...."

In another note, Mrs. C wrote me an awesome letter of recommendation also.

Dinner with the family and neighbors at Spaghetti Factory.

Sister did something to the tire

A couple posts ago I blogged about my sister's tire. My mom took her to Sears at 3:45. My mom's friend Louise was working at Sears, went out to look at the tire with my mom. Louise said this was no road damage like my sister claimed. It was someone using maybe a screwdriver, hammer, or knife to try to puncture the tire. Sister said it must have happened at the train station. My mom said there are security cameras, a guard on duty, and there wouldn't be kids in the area. Sister said it happened at the mall. My mom said it was possible, but doubtful. My mom gave my sister the option of paying for a new tire for herself if it was that necessary. Sister broke down crying about how unsafe she is going to be, but there was little sympathy. The tire is good according to Louise as long as there are no bulges in it.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

What I told Carl

I was able to restrain myself and not write a fuming e-mail back to Carl. My method of dealing was storming around for a while after I received it, then thinking about how I have been there for him, then just ignoring it because a lot of it is his issues and not mine. I spent the day contemplating whether or not I need his friendship and reading your comments.

I have done everything for him that I possibly can. I was more than willing to rearrange the Disney trip and do it a different day. I offered alternatives. I'd take him out to dinner instead at PF Changs, his favorite restaurant.

I did call him this morning just because I was going to see if he wanted to bury the hatchet and he left me a myspace message. Here's what he said I'm coming onto him showing I want a sexual relationship because of how we dance at the bar so closely. I then shy away. I haven't slept with him, so I'm sending mixed signals. I am always never able to talk to him despite how compatible we are. I always say I'll do something, like Disneyland, then I turn around with my big fuck you face and say no, oh, I have to change my plans because my hamster died or something like that.

I told him that I didn't mean to send mixed signals, I thought we were just dancing having a good time. I apologize. I told him with the whole Disneyland thing there should be no issue since I am still willing, just a different day. He disagreed saying that everything has to happen on his birthday and there is no compromise.

He told me that we're so compatible because we're going through so many struggles, we like the same type of guys, doing the same things, and we can complement each other in our school work. In response to compatiblity I said I could see how he sees that, but I think there is much more to it. I told him I think we could be friends, but we need to have boundaries, define what we want out of this, and it may help. Basically he wants me to be his everything- boyfriend, rescuer, savior, and I have my life planned out, so I am set. Um. No. That was really not cool and I encouraged him to talk to some of the other guys in our Spanish class like Florentino who is a lot like him, I think, and get out to meet people. He has fallen for me because I'm everything he wants: tall, skinny, have that nerd side to me, caring, like older guys, and I'm career oriented. He likes to gamble/go to bingo, watch movies, play with animals and cook. Has he cooked for me? A random aside... no. His astrological signs say we are compatible. I told him that we could be friends, but he is asking too much out of me and it is just creating resentment on my end. I told him I could have easily written him back with something even more snide and scathing, but I wasn't going to do that. I said that I'm not his everything. I can be a friend. I can be a voice to listen and give advice. I'm not going to use him, let him use me, or try to play my emotions like that. I can be no more. I felt it was important to say he was a nice looking guy, but he was not my type to define boundaries and make it clear I'm not interested in him sexually. I think we're pretty much done. He seemed bitter.

I think it is for the better on my end.

This was all in 1 night!!!

Some stories from tonight with my sister:

At the Easter gathering

Aunt to my sister: Take a plate of food home, please Sis
Sis: That's ok
Other aunt to sister: What are you going to eat when you get home?
Sis: Grilled cheese
Other aunt: We have so much food here- ham, chicken, macaroni salad, mashed potatoes, spinach salad...
Sis: I already ate here.
Mom: (she'd already given my sister the look of dismay) Oh, I'll take some ham because it is good to snack on.
Aunt: What about some chicken?
Mom: Is it true uncle made that?
Aunt: Yes. I baked it, then uncle grilled it, then put barbecue sauce on it. It was actually pretty quick.

When we got home
My sister's tire has a hole in it or something. I'm not sure. I know the tire has less than 10,000 miles on it, and I know because that used to be my car. My guess is sister did something intentional to it to cause whatever problem. Sister wants her tire repaired immediately. My dad deemed it was not that bad and could wait. Sister breaks down on the floor of the living room and cries. Complete hysterics ensue about how her life is so difficult and she needs her car to be safe for her.

Meeting tomorrow
My parents are meeting some friends at Farmer Boys for dinner tomorrow. My sister said she wasn't going, she was going to wait at Sears while her tire was repaired. My mom reminded her she didn't have money to pay for the tire, that Sears is open until 9 or so, so not to worry.
Mom: We're going to Farmer Boys to see Joe and Ellen AT 4 tomorrow.
Sis: My tire needs fixed. We're going to Sears at 3:30
Mom: I can't make it to Sears by that time.
Sis: You promised you would.
Mom: No, Sis, I didn't.
Sis: Yes.
Mom: When?
Sis: On the way home from aunt's house
Mom: You were talking about graduating the whole way home
Sis: Dad heard me.
Dad: No
Sis: You did too, daddybutt
Dad: You want to watch that?
Mom: We can drop your car off at 3:45, I can pick you up, and make it to Farmer Boys at 4p.m.
Sis: No.
Mom: It is the best I can do
Sis: I'm waiting there for my tire
Mom: We're going to eat at Farmer Boys.
Sis: I'm not
Mom: Oh?
Sis: I'm getting my tire fixed.
Mom: Sears is open until 9, so we can drop your car off at 3:45, but we have to be back for Joe and Ellen.
Sis: I need my car.
Mom: We're going to see Joe and Ellen, and eat with them. Farmer Boys has grilled cheese. (My sister is surviving on grilled cheese these days eating it 3-4 times a day)
Sis: Gross. No.
Mom: What are you going to eat?
Sis: Not that. They're too upscale for me. Why are we going to pay $4.99 for a grilled cheese when I can make one at home?
Mom: It doesn't matter. We're going out, exposing you culturally to new things (although we've been to Farmer Boys a good 40-50 times in my life. Farmer Boys, for you non-So Cal people is basically the equivalent of a Bob's Big Boy- that's the best way to describe it I think)
Sis: Screw that.
Mom: Screw? What have we said about screwing things?
Sis: Screw you for not taking me to get my tire fixed.
Mom: (fuming by now) We're going out because friends are in town, they love Farmer Boys, and we're going out to eat as a family. There is no option to eat at home.
Sis: Screw them.
Mom: I'd screw yourself right back into your room if I were you. NOW!
(sis falls on floor)
Mom: March!!! RIGHT NOW!!! Sis, I'm sick and tired of your attitude. Sick and tired of you thinking you can be different... etc. etc. etc. (Walks sis to room.)


Happy Easter to everyone!

We're headed over to my aunt's extended family for dinner. Barbecue chicken is on the menu, not the traditional ham and turkey. My parents are bringing my dad's cheesecake and my mom made my grandma's jello salad that I haven't had in easily 6 YEARS. I am so excited to just eat that. My grandma made it every Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter, but as we were adopted by my aunt's extended family we stopped making it. My mom decided it would be good with anything barbecue and has a Spring feel to it. So all is well here, and I'm excited! Happy Easter!

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Carl has feelings for me/I'm a bad friend

Just posting this message since it ticked me off. I told Carl we could go to Disneyland for his birthday in mid-April. My art professor told everyone on Monday we have to go to a mandatory art show in Hollywood on that Saturday. I called Carl and apologized, asked if we could reschedule and I'd make it up to him. My offer is still open, and he knows this. I'm not sure, though, after this message whether to rescind it. He is just a little too much to handle at times, and this, this pisses me off... whatever... at least he is honest and open with me? And, well, this isn't the first scathing message I have received like this about me not being a good friend or something.

Do I really need friends like this???

I could write a scathing email to him and say forget it- I don't need friends like him.

He responded with this:

after today (unless I win at Bingo or get good tips tonight) my cell phone will be shut off. for this month (unfortunately) I cannot pay my cell bill, which is around $50.00

so- if you need to talk to me, you will need to call me on the house phone. Like I said before, we screen the calls at the house, so if you call, you will have to start leaving a vlicemail, and if I hear it's you I will pick up. Otherwise, you can message me here on MySpace, or whatever.

I got your voicemail today though, I didn't answer because I was taking a nap when you called. I enjoyed your enthusiasm during the voicemail, however early this morning I wrote you a very long MySpace message which I eventually deleted and decided NOT to send.

It expressed my sadness about my Birthday, and other things, but the whole message was too negative, so I didn't bother to send it. Basically, I'm now interested in spending my Birthday alone! After the shit with your professor, and having to cancel going to Disneyland, I just became uninterested in anything involving my birthday. I'll be 30 years old (if that isn't already DEPRESSING enough!) and I really have nothing to show for my life! Before my Mother died, I had it all! A car, an apartment, alot of friends, a social life, my own business, around $3000/mo income, etc. I was happy!

Now? No car, no money, no friends, no home, no work/income, and no Mom. I feel like I am being punished.

There are few things I ask for in life! There isn't much that excites me anymore, especially this last year. You have both of your parents still alive, so I know you cannot relate to how I am feeling, you can only imagine. Disneyland was something that excited me. I grew up a Disney Kid! My Mom always took me, and it's been over 10 years since I've been. I was really looking forward to going, and especially with you!

I don't have many people out here in California to be around, or hang out with. It's just you and Lisa! And, being single for over the last 3 years- you are someone who I look forward to for companionship! Yes, I am attracted to you, as you know. However, I don't know where you stand! We've been going to the club together, and it seems THERE you are interested in me, but only there! Once we're on our way home, you don't choose to come in to my house. My attraction to you is basically simple. I'm intersted in you in a multiple amount of ways, and enjoy everything with you. Hanging out, being close, being intimate, having fun, and anything else in general WITHOUT having to worry about a commitment, or anything like that (unless we were ready).. I just enjoyed the fact that we could be who we were around each other, and simply accept it and enjoy each other in that capacity. I can't say I wouldn't want to be your boyfriend, I don't think it's important right now. I still have yet to establish myself out here in California (my own place, car, a JOB, money to spend) and once I have that, I'd be comfortable wanting more from you (or any guy who is interested in being with me). With you! I just genuinely accept that we are compatible in many ways, and just accept the fact that we enjoy being around each other, whether we have sex or not, or whether we are intimate or not, or whether we are in a relationship or not, etc. I like that!

However, you are starting to confuse me! You mention us going to the club tomorrow because you enjoy it, and you want me to go tomorrow. then when tomorrow comes, you can't go because your dog has a flea, or your professor wants you to go to Denny's because he is going to Quiz you on the menu? LOL I'm trying to be humerous, but honestly, that's what happens! I look forward to something, then last minute- something changes! Then I'm stuck at home doing nothing. So fuck you.

I should just DELETE this message too, so full of negativity! I'm sorry! I think you know what kind of year I've been having, so it's understandable. This is NEW territory for me as well! I'm not used to being so sad all the time! I've NEVER been in this kind of situation before! I've never been single for SO LONG, I've never been BROKE, I've never spent so much time AT HOME, or ALONE before! I've always had dozens of friends at my beckon-call..


I'm going to Bingo in a bit, so I got to get ready.

As far as the club goes tomorrow. My cell will be off, so you have to call my home number. If you want to go, then you can call me and let me know. I have NOTHING PLANNED as usual! LOL I'm also broke, so if you want to be my SUGAR DADDY tomorrow night and sweep me away- it's your call. Honestly, it would be nice to see you before we go out, or you stay the night with me afterwards. Call me horny, or just a guy who likes being with you and spending intimate moments with you (just hanging out,or more, or whatever) it's that closeness that I desire because I am lonely and don't have anyone to do that with.

Anyway- I'm not an optimist right now! Everything is SO PREDICTABLE anymore! No one goes out of their way for me anymore, to shock me or surprise me like all my friends in Baltimore used to do.. Man, those were adventures! Surprise Atlantic City trips. Surprise birthday parties. Spur of the moment trips, nights out on the town where my friends came over, dragged me out of bed and we all forced me to go out! Surprise visits! I really miss my Mom! I miss Baltimore!



Notice the full moon? No beach again this month!

life isn't beautiful anymore!

I'm going to get ready for Bingo! Wish me luck getting tips! maybe I can keep my cell phone on if I get enough!



KEARTH 101 and Miley

I was driving home from school today and heard Jim Carson on KRTH 101 talking about how you can download the KRTH 101 jingle as your ringtone. I checked it out and well, I love radio, but I'd be embarrassed to hear this everytime my phone rang unless I were a KEARTH 101 DJ.

In other radio news because we know I'm a radio nerd, Hollywood Hamilton is the new DJ on KBIG 104 in the afternoons. I liked him on KEARTH, so I'll probably be listening. He has a hot voice btw.

I babysat my little cousin last night. Do you know what was on TV last night? My cousin is 11 years old, so you can guess what we were watching. HANNAH MONTANA! I swear, I'm her biggest fan! My cousin has told me everything about her. I sit there with her, we're both sitting on the couch watching Hannah, completely engrossed... well... she is. I'm not, usually. But last night the Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus concert was on, and being the singer I am, had to belt out a few tunes. Little cousin asked me to sing with her, so I put the subtitles on the TV, which was no easy feat. So for 90 minutes we sang belting out Miley Cyrus tunes.

"When the night says hello, yeah, ready to go, turn it up, turn it loose, get out on the dance floor" or something like that...
My favorite was of course "See You Again." Little Cousin told me many times that I was a bad singer and she tried to take my fake microphone away several times. Once she finally stole and I gave it up, I took my shoe off and used it as a microphone, which totally cracked her up.

My older cousin texted me at 11:44 last night as I was driving home and asked "you're just being Miley?" It totally cracked me up. She heard. Guess I'll have some explaining at Easter.

And an observation about the concert? There were a lot of teen guys in the audience of the concert...

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Loving this song

Airborne Toxic Event- "Sometime After Midnight"

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Text try #1

I hadn't cooked anything yet this week, so I didn't tell him I cooked something. Instead I opted for a simple how are you?

Here's how it went...

Me: How's your day going? ;-)
D: Shopping at the local tarjay... And got my teeth did at da toothman.
D: What I meant to say was I went to the dentist & now I'm at Target picking up a few things. How are you?
Me: LMAO. I got that, but the clarification did help. The thought of a toothman scares me. I pictured an old, wizardlike man who stalks people for their teeth.
D: LMAO even more! That is pretty scary when I think about it. He killed the Tooth Fairy for her cut of the business!
Me: Aaw. Poor kids. How are we going to explain this one? No more tooth fairy :-(....
D: It's no big deal. A couple quarters can't buy anything these days!
Me: I always got dollars. And tarjay has the dollar spot.
D: Damn inflation! That just goes to show how old I am!
Me: hehe
Me: I schooled some kids today and am chillaxin at home.
D: Cool. Now to Costco and home for dinner. I am starving!
Me: What's on the menu tonight?
D: Cereal or soup?
Me: Nice. Soup is always good.
D: It's from Sunday. Cereal is so much easier.

LOL........ so there you have it....... I don't really know why, but I guess with this guy I really felt something, so I really feel pressure to be witty, say random stuff, keep in touch. I dunno.... but at least it wasn't

Me: "how are you?"
D: "good"
Me: "cool"

like so many of the texts between The Guy and I... actually we do have pretty funny texts between each other, but usually texting for us is just saying "hey" when we haven't talked or seen each other in a while.

David in a zoot suit

I took these pictures a while back, but chatting with a fellow reader, Bruce, reminded me I had one of these photos on my phone.

Let's call this David Ono in a zoot suit.

I do have to give David props for wearing bright colors and colors many men may shy away from like pinks, greens, and purples.

I just have to say I'm not a fan of this one... unfortunately my iPhone didn't catch how eyecatchingly black this suit was, and with the pink.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Text etiquette/ interest

Hey guys!

I am keeping another guy under wraps I met just because it is new, I really like him, and I don't want to screw anything up. We met on an internet site a while back, adam4adam of all places. Don't ask. I'll explain later. We became myspace friends a few days later, then we chat back and forth when he is on AIM. He has been messaging me about once a week on myspace. I always reply back. This past Thursday after he sent me a myspace message saying he was coming to my city that night I wrote him back and gave him my cell phone number as a hint. We chatted via text Thursday night. Friday night he texted me asking what I was up to when I was out with friends and wrote back. Saturday we finally hung out and met in person. We texted back and forth that night. Sunday afternoon he texted me while I was out and about the time I went to bed.

So now that I have vaguely talked about our conversations my question is what should I say to him?

I know it is more than my turn to text him, so I want to do that.

We're just friends right now, nothing more. I haven't been to his house or done anything beyond given him a hug, so don't get your hopes up.

So when should I text him? What should I say? Should I just do a simple "what's up?" Should I randomly write him about a "random thought" that I had about something like I tend to do with friends? Should I text him after I make a delicious meal or recipe because we both really enjoy cooking and kind of brag?

Thanks for your help!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Clubbing with Carl again

I went clubbing with Carl last night. He had been asking, begging, and pleading to hang out with me. I’m one of his few friends and I had been neglecting him mainly because I’m busy, but I didn’t want to hear his bitchfest about how he hates life, the world hates him, and stuff like that. I didn’t want to go over to his house and watch a movie and hear that. I figured the best thing we could do was go to a club. Sure I’d have to deal with him for about 20 minutes each way in the car, but it was a lot easier in my mind. We ended up talking and bitching to each other about things going on, which was fine, and I knew we would, but just sitting at home is so boring. Plus I wanted to dance.

So we went to the club we’ve been going to. The special last night was Long Island Iced Teas for $4.00. I bought the first round and we bought the second. We got our drinks and made our way outside the club to the patio and he told me about managing hotels, which is what he did after he got out of the Army and before he went to live with his brother and go to school. We sat down at a table and chairs on the patio and about 5 minutes later someone started throwing glass over the 15 foot fence or so and some landed next to the group of girls sitting next to us, then another came over the fence and shattered right around us. The club owners and security went running out the back gate, and we ran with them to see what was going on. They didn’t see anybody, but that was kind of scary.

We watched the drag show. There weren’t a lot of people there and it was easy for us to get on the VIP list to see the show. The drag queens were much better than the ones we had seen lately. There was a Selena and Madonna. Both were good, but not really my thing.

We danced after the show until 1a.m., then I said we’re leaving, which I warned him I was going to leave early because I was tired. I’m trying to get caught up on sleep.

We actually want to make it at least a monthly thing where we go out clubbing together. Friday nights are definitely the best night to go to this club. We were surprised that Saturday was so dead. I had a fun time though, don't get me wrong about the entire evening. I just wasn't really wanting to go out so much, but once I was out I was happy.

Frat Boy

I met Frat Boy last Wednesday night. We actually met on adam4adam, which is not one of my favorite sites. I just go on there to see who there is. He had listed only 2-3 people knew he was gay, he was looking for friends, 3rd year at my college, stuff like that. Cool. We chatted about 3 hours on AIM and then decided to hang out.

We met up at the Starbucks near campus. He is a frat boy, first year at my college, just transferred. He is about 5’9’’, 170lbs, Jewish, and does not have the frat boy look you imagine. We chat and he said he only really knows 1 person in his frat, could never come out to any guys in his frat, was very shy, random stuff like that. We chatted and he told me he is from Israel and stuff like that. We ended up going back to his car and making out. No clue why, or how that happened. He asked if I was ready to head out, we parked next to each other, then next thing I know we’re in his car kissing and making out. He told me how he has never really done that with a guy. Coulda fooled me.

Anyways, he seems like a cool guy, so we met up Friday for lunch at Farmer Boys. Learned more about him. He’s a business major, grades aren’t so great, doesn’t go to class, but does the reading. He is deathly afraid of his parents finding out. He is from West LA and really hasn’t been around the area. He has never been to Disneyland, Knotts, etc. That came up because he asked where Orange County was. He also asked where Palm Springs was, Corona, Temecula, Sun City, San Bernardino, and random stuff like that. We chatted for probably an hour or so, then we left, he was planning on going to class, albeit late.

So we’ve texted and IM’d on and off this weekend, he wants to hang out again. He wants to move quicker than I want to, and I'm not that interested into him. I am open to being friends though since he does seem like a cool guy and would be fun to show him around.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Foot Fetish

I met Foot Fetish, or Ryan, back on December 30, also on Connexion. He is a 24 year old kid who goes to my school. He is 6'6'', 170lbs, size 16 foot, brown hair, and brown eyes. He is a computer science major. We met on connexion, texted a few days, then met up in person. It was during Christmas Break and he had been sick. We chatted a lot on the internet and saw after we friended each other on facebook that we had a friend in common, Dennis. Having Dennis as a friend was an instant draw for Ryan. He wanted to know me more and know more about Dennis. We have a friend in common, yet I'd never seen Ryan around campus, I had never seen Ryan on connexion until I did a much more expansive search because he lives about 20 miles away.

We met up one night randomly when I told him I had to go to Best Buy. He suggested I drive over to the one by his house and he'd meet me there. He was just getting over being sick. We walked through Best Buy talking about HDTVs and Digital TV Converter Boxes. After, we went to Starbucks inside Barnes and Noble and chatted for over 2 hours about school and music.

We hung out once more before we went back to school after Christmas Break. We went to Romanos Macaroni Grill and chatted a lot about school and friends. I gave him the scoop on Dennis.

We went shopping at the mall together a couple times.

We hung out the day we got back from Christmas Break at school. I stayed late to hang out with him in the LGBT Center, his hangout, where he introduced me to his friends, then we went into a conference room and he ordered his textbooks for school.

We hung out the following Friday and a few Fridays after. We went to Cocos and other restaurants. We chatted one night in Cocos for probably 5 hours on things like science and random current events. We were chatting and texting each other at the table. He texted me things like he knew I was in the really white, conservative area of town as he drove to where I live. He texted me about how we were getting stares probably for being 2 guys looking like we're on a date, and things like that. After, we went driving, which he was sort of against because it meant wasting fuel, polluting the air. He talked about his activism with the LGBT community. I showed him around the area I live including my house and high school. He suggested we go back to Cocos, then go back to his place. Back at his place we kissed, hugged, and made out. We then fell asleep in each other's arms.

We hung out a couple more times and grabbed food- we went to the Mexican food place just down the street from my house. After this, we ended up again going back to his place, kissed, hugged, and made out. No, we never had sex. His views on sex are interesting. He has only had anal sex once and it hurt to be fucked. He is fine making out, grinding on a person, then getting off, by grinding on each other.

Everytime we hang out he asks me to wear a different pair of shoes, or when we chat online he asks me what shoes I wore that day. He has a foot/shoe fetish. He is turned on by the fact I have size 13 and 14 shoes. He would be turned on if my foot kept growing more and more.

We continue to chat quite a bit online. When we do we chat it is about random stuff- work, school, shoes, technology, and random stuff. I don't think it'll go beyond more than that, but he's probably just going to be a good friend. We do agree that we both want to be friends before we start a relationship.

It would be hard to have a relationship with him as I'm discovering. I find when I tell him something, Dennis finds out about it a few hours later.

So basically I think we're pretty much just going to be friends, but I waited to post anything about him just because I wanted to take things slow, see what panned out, and see if he was the one. Who knows...

Update: There are convos we have like tonight that make me wonder about him. I know he had 1 serious boyfriend and that relationship lasted a year and a half. This was the relationship he had sex in. I think part of the reason he may be avoiding me/we don't hang out as much outside of the school setting/things didn't get as serious is he isn't ready for it/wants a relationship... here's a part of our chat this afternoon. We talked about school and things, then the conversation turned...

Me: let's make plans for the vans store
Me: lol
Foot Fetish: im worried tho
Me: lol y?
Foot Fetish: cuz ever since you told me about the 15s ive been 1000x more horny about you
Foot Fetish: if i see you trying them on it will probably be worse
Me: haha
Me: horniness isn't a bad thing!
Foot Fetish: lol

So is that saying he likes me?


Long, crazy week!

Monday- 1st day of my last quarter in college. Spent the day getting in the swing of things and catching up on sleep.

Tuesday- hung out with The Guy, then finished my Spanish homework/reading for the rest of the week.

Wednesday- School, then met up with a frat guy from my college where we talked about sexuality and stuff. He's deathly afraid of coming out. We met on connexion. Plan to get lunch together today.

Thursday- Subbed FINALLY! Went to dinner with my mom and sister after allergy shots. Had a lot of fun making jokes about random stuff. Worked on my professional blog getting it set up and my best writing samples published. Taught my mom to edit photos on a Mac.

Caught up on the gossip with my coworkers. Mr. P quit. WOW. Mr. P is one of my favorite teachers. I ended up crying for a few minutes after I got off the phone with Gonzo and Viv because I was just so shocked and hurt. I know it has nothing to do with me, but he doesn't deserve what he was put through. Administration wasn't supporting the teachers and he wasn't getting the respect he deserved. Mr. P was my freshmen English teacher and I worked with him.

Friday- Internet is acting up and it isn't my computer. It is the network. I fear I'll be using this weekend to work out kinks and bugs. Ick. I dread that. Lunch with frat kid today. Dinner with my coworkers tonight.

This weekend- Lots of homework: Spanish readings and a presentation in my women's studies class, discussion board postings for that class.

I will be back soon! Lots of stories to share about Frat Boy and a guy I haven't mentioned named Foot Fetish.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Some old things new

The Guy and I hung out yesterday. He's been really busy seeing other guys. Seriously, he's dating 5-6 guys right now. His therapist has suggested he weed the number down. Anyways, I texted him Monday night because I hadn't hung out with him in a while and I wanted to talk to him. Specifically I wanted to talk to him about where to go to school next year. So Monday night I texted him telling him I was free all day Tuesday, or after 12 on Wednesday. He texted me back saying Tuesday morning. I text him with a simple "hi" Tuesday morning because I didn't know if he was just doing this out of my request and I didn't want it to be forced. He texted me almost immediately and asked if I was coming over. I didn't reply because I was getting my eyebrows waxed... say what you want, but I used to have eyebrows about an inch longer and 1/2'' thick. I was feeling short tempered yesterday and didn't want to play games. Anyways, I called him when I got out. He claimed I hung up on him, but I was driving through an intersection with bad reception. We finally talk and I said I was on my way over. He said we could work at network stuff.

The Guy has a new Macbook Air, Mac screen, the Drobo media server, and the HP Media Server. He wanted to put the RAID card back in his Macbook, use that as a backup, as well as the Drobo. Then he wanted to set up the Air with Windows so he could use the HP Media Server since it is only Windows compatible. We spent most of the afternoon in the office just doing that. I helped him by holding the computer. He made little sounds, comments, and I did the same.

We did take a break for him to make a shake about 12:30. His new trainer has him eating a lot more natural foods. One of them is a vegetable supplement that tastes like grass. He is drowning it in chocolate and peanut butter to make it not taste so bad. He asked if I was going to have some and he served it up. He is drinking it and smiling making faces, and moving his hips like he enjoyed the torture. I stand there, drink my first sip, smile, and then burst out laughing and making googly eyes with him. Once I stopped laughing I drank a few more sips and he did the same, but kept smiling. I tell him it isn't that bad because it wasn't. It just left a grass aftertaste.

We go back in the office and do a few more things. He brings his Macbook Pro in and finishes up his blog. His therapist is recommending that he blog everytime he looks on the internet at porn or a hookup site and for how long he was on it. He had spent 2 hours on manhunt, craigslist, and some other site prior to my arrival. He talked about how his time with me was much more fulfilling because doing things with friends, and doing things like computer work fulfills him.

The Guy has bought a lot of porn and begins organizing that in the office. He shows me he bought some new poppers and has them in the desk drawer at the computer. He opens them, tells me to smell them, and then he asked me what I thought. Then he has his hand on my dick and is pulling down his pants. I suck him off for a few minutes and he is jacking me off. I play with his chest and continue to suck him. I get back into the motions after a few minutes. Then he tells me to take my pants of completely while he gets lube and a condom. He tells me to lean over onto the chair and he lubes me up and fucks me. It hurt a lot at first- it has been months- probably like the beginning of September. He fucks me REALLY hard. Then he has me lean my head into the chair and continues fucking. He has me then sit on the chair and put his legs up over him while he fucks me. He asks me if I missed his dick and things like that. I did. He jacks me off and I shoot all over the chair. He doesn't get off quite yet. He said he'd gotten off twice that morning jacking himself off. I clean up the chair, then start the shower. I start cleaning the lube off and I had so much on me that needed to come off. I didn't know The Guy was going to want to get off, so i didn't think we might do it in the shower. He comes in and he says it was his turn to get off. Instead I began sucking and licking his balls and he jacked off. He shot all over my hair and back. I had to wash my hair afterward. Never had cum there before... hehe. So basically The Guy and I talked and we can still play around. A lot of the reason we stopped was because I had become so hard to deal with. To be honest guys like Greg and Mike made me crazy constantly asking me if I was clean and making me doubt. It really got to me. We agreed we'll just play it safe, we'll be honest with each other, and also not let emotions get into it.

After the shower Jeff comes over. He was having a bad day and lost his wallet. He gets food for us at the salmon place we like.

During this time I didn't get to have the 1-on-1 full attention conversation I wanted but I explained it was either get my teaching credential at my current school, or the private school over near The Guy's. He told me to go for the private school even though I may have loans. He knows I'll be happier. He told me he should go back and do the same with me. He talked about how he has to finish up his papers at his school to finish his Masters in English. He already has a Masters in Technology and Education. He doesn't have his teaching credential however. He said a lot of his classes won't transfer to this private school, but he had taken classes there. He has 2 masters degrees, and is coming upon a 3rd, yet he doesn't have a teaching credential, so he could never teach in California. He said he got a lot out of the classes at this college, but they were easy. He talked about how he doesn't want to do the slave labor (aka student teaching), but I pointed out how it is much better at the private school (15 as opposed to 30 weeks). So while I didn't get the 1-on-1 undivided attention, fully talk it out, but I got my answer. His thing was I don't like the school I'm at, I don't have any loans, so suck it up and do it. Private college where I will probably take out $8-12k in loans is the answer.

We eat when Jeff arrives. It was REALLY good. The salad was great, the potatoes, and the salmon. I ate quite a bit. Jeff plays on The Guy's laptop after we eat, The Guy finishes installing windows. I sit and watch "Friends" and "Family Guy" with Jeff. It was actually a "Friends" episode I'd seen the night before where Chandler and Monica came back from their honeymoon and had met another couple. There was also that cheesy sex line in the movie about "I was backpacking in western Europe..." I kept my mouth shut about what happened.

The Guy had to leave to go to his workout, but asked if Jeff and I would sit around and wait for UPS to come. We said sure. Jeff left at 6:50 and I left at 6:55. Jeff and I didn't really talk. I did tell him about my date the other day with Maxon. He laughed and found it amusing. I began feeling really bad though, while we were sitting there. I went to the bathroom 3-4 times. My stomach was cramping and felt tight. I didn't know if I could make it home since it hurt to sit up. I texted The Guy asking how he felt because I figured maybe it was food poisoning or something and I thought the fish we both had was the culprit. We ate the same things, so I figured he was feeling the same thing. I get a text back from him about 2 hours later and he wasn't feeling bad. He didn't feel great, but nothing unusual. I called him once and he didn't pick up because he was still working out. I had called him to ask if I could either go back to his place or if he'd follow me back to my house (at least halfway up the highway I live off of) so that I could be sure to get home safely. I didn't know that I could. He called at 8:50 and he wanted to know what was going on. I told him, and he said he didn't feel great, but it was probably that he was just working out. He hoped I felt better. We talked about eating the same stuff and how the salmon was the likely culprit, but who knows. I felt a little better as the night went on, but my stomach hurt most of the night. I do feel better this morning.