Saturday, January 31, 2009

Pancake breakfast

Breakfast with Mrs. C was awesome. Vicki arrived first, then Joe pulled up, Gonzo was right behind him, then I pulled up right behind her. The others flowed in shortly after. Mrs. C said she had been up at 6:30 cleaning her house. Her house was perfect in the first place, so we don't know what she had to worry about. She was trying to start cooking at 8 she announced, but didn't get done cleaning until 8:30.

She was in the kitchen working, scooping out pancake batter from her huge metal pan into the skillet. She had Joe and I work on hooking up her laptop for the agenda for the meeting. We talked about budget cuts. ASB will step in to save our jobs. Yay! Cut hours, yes, but saved job, and no transfers. We talked about how tutoring the students is going. Lots of bitching and moaning about little problems that should clear up in the next week or so. The meeting was done in under 45 minutes. Mrs. C spent all of the time in the kitchen and just said "talk to me" and we went through each item on the agenda. This actually proved more effective than most of our other meetings.

Karl was playfully made fun of for being a hot guy. The girls always say "Hi Karl" and he just sort of smiles. Ed was told how much of a hard ass he is, but he, like myself is able to reach the really difficult kids. Joe admitted most people don't like him because he takes off points and he is very much play it by the rules, like myself. I'm finding myself getting along better with him, which is cool.

After the meeting was done we had all pretty much been served food. We talked about things like computers, phones, and stuff like that. We all took out our iPhones and talked about our apps on our phones. Ed has one, Gonzo, Joe, Mrs. C, and myself all have iPhones. Karl made fun of us for being obsessed with phones and his dinky Samsung Instinct does just fine.

We all left at 11 or so since everyone pretty much had things to do. Mrs. C gave me a cool website about teaching and classroom management, which is awesome. I have pretty good classroom management I'd say- the kids know to not talk when I'm talking and I come off as feared at first. This was a website aimed at first year teachers, basically a day-by-day thing about what to do to maintain order, set the tone, etc.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Night out with the tutors

Talked to The Guy for about 2 minutes today. My phone disconnected 3 times and he was busy buying snowboard bags. Josh and Jackie broke up. I know that much. Her aunt died the next day, so they may be back together because Josh feels guilty.

Tonight was Gonzo's get together she planned. We let her plan because her schedule is the hardest to accommodate. She said I will be free this day, then we let all of our friends/tutors know. All of the tutors were there including Darla. It was a lot of talk about school. Viv was there. She brought her brother because he just got out of school. He was HOT. Latino, 24, 5'10 or so, had a little bit of an ass (he had one- he was not one). Marci was there too. We got there at 6:00. Most arrived about 6:30, we were seated at 7 and finished dinner about 8:30. Then we talked for 30 minutes or so afterward. Great night.

On the way home I was on the lookout for Crown Vics. Why? There was an alcohol checkpoint by the Olive Garden and all of us tutors actually ran into it going over there. Coming home I saw policemen pulling people over left and right. I also had a suspicion there would be one on the highway I live off of, so I was extra careful. Driving past Avenue B I see one pull off of that street rather quickly. I wondered if I did something wrong. It stays in the slow lane driving really fast, then comes over to the middle lane where I was, then when the right lane is ending comes over into my lane without signaling, goes over to the fast lane to turn onto Avenue W. All of this was done without signaling and the person was in quite a hurry. I look over and it is MY SISTER. Sister did not signal during her lane changes. Look over and confirm the license plate of the Crown Vic. It was my sister. Sister also decided to blow through the light at Avenue W and make a left at the light without signaling and at the light with a red light camera.

I got home, told my parents. They asked what time this was, why I didn't call them then, and what my sister was doing. My dad said "oh" and kind of smiled like he didn't believe it. He said that wasn't smart considering the red light camera. I said her driving scares me and she's not the angel she appears. I asked if they watched how she pulls in the driveway sometimes. Of course, around them she doesn't drive like that. But I just said if she gets a ticket for that red light camera I wouldn't pay. My mom was most concerned and said that she was given the car because it was big and safe, but driving like that expects an accident anytime. My parents questioned my sister on her whereabouts. She said she was driving down Avenue W and saw other cars being chased by police, but not her. Not exactly. Parents said sister needs to watch out- they don't want any accidents because they have reasons to not be forgiving. Nice. Last post about her, I PROMISE.

In other news, Mrs. C is the most awesome boss. She is inviting us over to her house for a pancake breakfast tomorrow morning at 9a.m. just because. Well, mostly just because. She wants to discuss a couple of the things going on like the budget and the transfer of tutors.

Last year I gave Mrs. C a Sees Candies gift certificate to thank her for all she does. She is awesome- she is the best thing to happen to the program because her heart is so in it; but also all she does for us. I want to do something new for Mrs. C just because she does so much for us- constantly gives us snacks, candy, Starbucks trips, her support is behind us 100%, and all she does for the program that goes unrecognized.

The scene this morning

Sister was awake most of the night. She was walking the hall, then she put on her TV so loud that it woke me up at 3:30. I went in, turned it off, she told me she was trying to drown the noise. The only noise must have been that in her head. It was dead silent.
Sister didn't get lots of sleep last night.
Sister didn't wake up at 5:20 to her alarm, or my parents telling her sister, it is time to get up.
My dad tried at least a dozen times shaking her and yelling.
My mom did the same. My mom called the house twice between 6:20-7:10 when she was on her way to work.
Sister missed the 6:20a.m. train to Fullerton
Sister didn't wake up. I was sure awake.
I got up and went in the living room, turned up the TV extra loud and watched the Early Show/ Good Day LA.
Sister was still not up and it was 7:20- no way she'd make the 7:30 train.
I left the house at 7:45 and sister was sound asleep.
I get a call at 9:30.

Sister calls me at 9:30 when she finally got up...
Sister who frowns on everyone else cussing had this to say to me:
Sister: Fuck. Why didn't you wake me up?
Me: It is not my responsibility. I think I'd watch my mouth if I were you.
Sister: Shit!
Me: And you complain when we say that stuff? We tried to wake you up.
Sister: Idiot! How'm I sposed to get to school?
Me: I dunno. It isn't for me to figure out. I'm sorry.
Sister: I can't drive the 91.
Me: Call a friend? Stay home?
Sister: Idiot! I can't stay home the first week.
Me: I gave you some suggestions. I'm sorry. I have to go. Bye.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

A typical dinner out with the family

Went to Cocos after allergy shots for dinner with the family. Here's what went down...

Sister ordered chicken strips. Platter came with half dozen chicken strips, fries, and a side salad
Sister ate a chicken strip and a half, maybe a few fries
Everyone else had their plate clear
Mom: Sis, are you still hungry?
Sis: No.
Mom: You hardly ate.
Everyone looks over at sister's plate
Waitress comes over: Was everything ok? You hardly ate. Would you like fruit instead of a salad? Were the chicken strips overdone? You didn't even eat the fries. Would you like to take those home and have them for lunch tomorrow?
Sis: No
Mom: Yes, we would.
Sis: You always do that. I eat. You guys just don't understand. I eat.
Stares from everyone.
Sis: I am perfectly content with a peanut butter and jelly. I don't understand this class stuff.
Stare from me... class stuff?
Dad: Well, are we ready?
Mom: (sigh) I guess.

Pandora Radio

Pandora Radio is my newest favorite thing. My boss at the high school, Mrs. C introduced me to it on the Knotts field trip and at her Christmas party. I have entered about 10 different artists I like including Pink, Mariah Carey, Phil Vassar, Sugarland, Maná, Tim McGraw, Faith Hill, and Rick Springfield.

Here's a look at what we were listening to today while I was working out:
Jammin- Bob Marley
Hero- Mariah Carey
Little Red Corvette- Prince
Bendita Tú Luz- Maná
Eres- Café Tacuba
Single Ladies- Beyoncé
Just Might Make Me Believe- Sugarland
Vallerie- The Monkees
Take On Me- A-ha
Take Me As I Am- Faith Hill

Fun mix..... and you never know what will play next.... totally recommend it....

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Breaking my silence

I've been quiet for a month or so. Not much going on on the guy front. Haven't really wanted to post. I was feeling VERY down at the beginning of the month, especially around my birthday. I was going through a difficult time.

For one, I haven't really spoken with The Guy since we hung out a week and a half ago other than through e-mail making sure everything was ok. Everytime I would try to call him he was not picking up. I translated that into him ignoring me. I got an e-mail from him last Wednesday or something saying he needed space. I probably shouldn't have, but I e-mailed him last Saturday an e-mail like I usually do when I'm worried about something. This case was our friendship. He hasn't been acting the same lately. So distant. Not picking up his phone. EVER. We all know he is the kind to call about anything, so I've been confused and worried I lost him. I managed to hold off on calling until today. I just called and left a nice message saying I hope to talk to him soon or see him. I know all of this worry is because he has been acting so strange and I probably taxed him a lot as a friend, so he has been keeping distance. Anyways, I got a text from him saying things have been kind of crazy today and that was just enough to put my mind at ease. I was really worried this weekend, but kept my mind occupied for the most-part with homework. We're not seeing each other, but he's a good friend and a good friend I need so desperately. He wasn't available and I needed him in that time. He was the only close friend who knew. I had just spouted off the Josh comment and so it was expected he wouldn't be there. I have been getting along pretty well, though and his text today was appreciated.

Anyways, I've also been keeping mum about something that happened last month and carried over into this month. Remember Stalker Mike? Saw him at the gym one day near the beginning of December. He just stared at me. When driving home I stopped at the bank, he was behind me at the ATM in the drive through. He didn't use the ATM. He was following me. I called The Guy panicking and drove to the CHP (Cali Highway Patrol) on his encouragement as well as 9-1-1. Many thanks to Creative Thinker for helping encourage me through all of this as well as give me advice. He gave me info about getting a restraining order and encouragement. I was a wreck hiding this from my parents, hiding the court papers, the fact I was doing this, and all of that from my parents. Mike was served the restraining order the Thursday before Christmas and violated it on the Tuesday I believe before Christmas. I got a call when shopping with Gonzo at Victoria Gardens. He was arrested. Found out through my cousin who has connections he was arrested in 2006 for sexual assault and harassment. I had a hearing on January 7, the day before my birthday. I was tough asking a lot out of The Guy at this time. Needing someone to talk to and asking a lot out of him. It was a lot- a lot for me to handle- especially to keep it from family. I thought I asked him to be there with me at the hearing the Saturday before, apparently I didn't, or maybe I did and one of us didn't remember, anyways that was something we argued about causing for ruffled feathers.

So my blogs have taken a different tone I know lately. I've been talking about things that amuse me, that make me happy, what I did throughout my day. Focusing on me. Things that make me happy. Things that amuse me. But I'm back and I'm doing well.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009


Here's one of those conversations with my dad I had this afternoon. It is one of those that makes me want to bang my head against the computer screen.

Dad: What's with the eggs in the refrigerator?
Me: Um... that's where they belong?
Dad: Don't you like eggs?
Me: Sure.
Dad: I thought you needed the eggs.
Me: For what?
Dad: Those egg things.
Me: That's descriptive.
Dad: Those egg things you make.
Me: What do I make? Eggs? What have I made with eggs lately?
Dad: Mexican things. Breakfast things.
Me: What Mexican thing or breakfast thing?
Dad: Isn't this why you bought eggs?
Me: I didn't buy eggs. We usually have eggs on hand. Mom was making cookies the other day.
Dad: So what are the eggs for?
Me: To eat.
Dad: So what are you having for breakfast?
Me: Pepperoni Pizza Hot Pockets usually, or Oatmeal Crisp.
Dad: So you don't need eggs? What are these Mexican things in the refrigerator?
Me: (thinking, trying to figure what Mexican things are in the refrigerator) Tortillas?
Dad: Yes. What are you using those for?
Me: Quesadillas.
Dad: Those have egg in them.
Me: If you do a breakfast quesadilla.
Dad: You're not eating these for breakfast.
Me: No. For lunch. Chicken and cheese.
Dad: So you're not putting egg in them?
Me: No.
Dad: Then how are you making them?
Dad: Oh. (goes back to making the chili for dinner)

He's been quiet ever since...

I'm not sure what the point to this conversation was.
And um... Mexican things... tortillas... he couldn't get that out. He knows what a tortillas is!
I'm not sure if he's worried I'm not eating. That I am eating, or what.

Gonzo is organizing a get together

Gonzo is organizing a get together to celebrate random stuff- our awesome coworkers, her engagement, my birthday, andViv's birthday on Friday. I'm very excited. Friday night will be dinner at the Olive Garden, then clubbing or the Hookah Bar... who knows...

Also of note I saw Viv at the gym tonight. She was sitting at the front looking really depressed. I went over and talked to her. Her brother left her at the gym. They both went to work out, he didn't even go in, took the car, and went to eat. She called her dad and "busted his ass." I told her good- revenge on siblings is good. We chatted about work, Friday, and we have an idea. Tutor Aerobics. I think that would be fun- most of us work out at the same gym. Gonzo works there, Viv goes, Ed goes, Karl goes, and occasionally Darla. I think even if 3 or 4 of us go, like Gonzo, Viv, and myself working out together would be a lot of fun. I texted Gonzo and just said "tutor aerobics." She replied "LOVE IT! Just let me know when!"

Also i have been laying in bed since 10:30 trying to fall asleep. I know why I can't. Last Thursday night the same thing happened. I drank a grande Caramel Frappucino from Starbucks about 3 hours before bed. I tossed and turned most of the night. The weekend I slept fine. Sunday night, the night I always have the most difficult time falling asleep was actually not a challenge this weekend. Monday night here I am, and what did I do tonight? About 7:30p.m. I had a frappucino and here it is 12:00a.m. and I'm wired. I was thinking tonight how caffeine used to not have an effect on me. I sort of gave it up a year and a half ago. When I do have caffeine like coffee before bed I'm buzzing along the rest of the evening. The past two times I've had my Starbucks at night I've found that I feel really sort of jittery after drinking it from the sugar high, and my mind tends to wander more. Interesting. Now I know better.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Spot the errors

This 8 1/2'' x 11'' advertisement was surrounding our newspaper this morning. Now Curves usually isn't a place I'd check out, so normally I'd just skip over the ad, but I couldn't get past all of the errors in this ad. Can you spot them?

Thursday, January 22, 2009

3 things that annoy me

Our trash man- he likes to turn the trash cans upside down- the heavy 300 pound trash cans that they distributed. Um... can you say a little dangerous when trying to turn it back over? Thankfully he hasn't done that to us, or we'd complain... but here's a look at the next door neighbor's. Others in the neighborhood routinely have the driver do this. He shouldn't even be getting out of the truck when he has that little arm to help him with the cans.

Blind driveways. Coming out of this shopping center in my area bothers me because the plants are so tall, you can't see cars coming toward you, so you always risk being hit. Cars come flying at 65+ at you.

Kaj Goldberg on KCAL 9 and closed captioning on TVs; bad closed captioning at that. My dad loves the idea of closed captioning and keeps it on the main TV all the time.

And to balance the negative out with the positive... my dad gave the OK for Seattle. My mom asked to come along and I said why not because it means I won't have to pay for the hotel and most other dining things myself. My research today tells me that the public transit is pretty good, so I should be able to get around and away pretty easily. They have a Seattle card where she can go to lots of museums for free, and so that gives me hope that I could sneak away rather easily... Capitol Hill maybe? Thanks for the info Bruce, Capitol Hill sounds like an interesting place I will try to slip away to.
Tickets purchased!
And being Seattle I will get to wear all of my awesome winter clothes I never get to wear in So Cal. Can you say scarves and jackets? I can.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Spring Break in Seattle

Mike's new idea
Southwest is having 50% off fares to Seattle. It is on my list of must go cities in my lifetime.
I'm thinking tomorrow I'll buy the plane tickets, then I'll tell my parents, and begin planning this.
Too bad I don't know anyone in Seattle I can stay with... oh well... a hotel will be ok.
I really love traveling, and traveling alone is fun because I can stray and do what I want.

My only problem is not being 25 I'm not able to rent a car, so maybe those of you are more familiar might now how easy it is to get around Seattle by bus. I don't mind getting a hotel in the area of things I want to see. My biggest obstacles would be getting from the airport to the hotel, hotel to the places I want to see.

Here are most of the things I'd want to see (Pike's Place, Seattle Art Museum, Space Needle, first Starbucks, Theo Chocolate. Seahawks Stadium tour, or Safeco Stadium). I will look tomorrow and see if they're in a general area. Any advice on this? Anyone know firsthand?

Any other must sees?


I got my gay self out of bed this morning

This morning could have started off as the loveliest of mornings. I had the opportunity to sleep in until 8:10. I slept soundly through the night until 5:55 when my mom was standing in the hallway talking to my dad in the bathroom across from my bedroom, thus waking me up. I laid in bed until 6:30, then got up to use the bathroom.

Sister, Ms. Night Owl, who was probably woken up or something screeched "you finally got your gay butt out of bed." I retorted. "Yes, my gay ass is up AND moving, which is more than you can say." She was laying on the couch reading a book. She told me how I'm such a bad person and she's going to call my mom and dad for cussing. I told her to please do that. Please. They would love her interruption. Mom would especially appreciate it because she's in the car, with her new cell phone, there will probably be some confusion on mom's end trying to figure out how to use the cell phone and make sure her Bluetooth is working. Mom probably wouldn't be the best one to call. I informed her that if she keeps up she was going to hear a lot worse language. And what's mom going to do? Slap my wrist? Tell me I am a potty mouth?

I do my business and yell "FUCK", then walk out and she replies "you are so girly, you got so offended when I called you gay, you are always using your hands when you talk, you always like clothes, and shoes" I said I think she's a "piece of shit for starting in on this so early, something that had nothing for me to do with going to the bathroom, and that I can like whatever I like regardless. I know lots of guys who like this sort of stuff." I pointed out to her the term was "metrosexual" and that my ass isn't offended that it was called gay. She said well, it is apart of me. I told her that's nice- my brain and other parts weren't included. She seemed defeated, so my gay ass, arms, legs, and whatever else returned to lay in bed until 8:10.

UPDATE: I reemerge at 8:15 and she lectures me on stupid people. I'm stupid because I'm walking around so femininely preparing breakfast. Um... I walked to the refrigerator, then microwave, then got a plate, poured me some apple cider. I ignored it and sat there eating my breakfast, watching the Early Show on CBS completely ignoring her. As I am drinking she says, "I bet you're going to burp now," or "I bet you're going to take a bite now," or "you're gay now." WTF?

Monday, January 19, 2009

Farmer Boys Drive Thru

Went to Farmer Boys for lunch to get a chicken club sandwich. I have the day off, so I was in my gray pajama bottoms, a black t-shirt, messy hair, and slippers. Since I was in that, I decided to go through the drive through. Of course, I'd see someone I knew. I pulled in the drive through and was placing my order for my chicken club. I see Will walking toward me- he was an old friend I hadn't seen since high school. He used to be cute- boyish grin, dark brown hair- lots of leg and arm hair. Not so much now... boney face and big diamonds in his ear... doesn't work on a white boy like him. He says "MIKE!!!!" Will yells "I'd like a cheeseburger, side salad, barbecue sauce, barbecue bacon cheeseburger." The man taking my order repeated all of that and I'm sitting there laughing, trying to compose myself and said "JUST THE CHICKEN CLUB." The man was having a hard time understanding and finally after asking me 2 more times confirmed just the chicken club. While this was going on, Will came over and got in the passengers seat. We shake hands, then I scoot up a little bit in the car. As I am pulling away from the order box, Will lunges over me and reaches for my seatbelt. He tells me how I'm unsafe not wearing it, he wants me to be safe because he has known me for so long and doesn't want to lose me for something stupid like that. I tell him I had it off because I was trying to get my wallet out of my pants. I put up a fight because I was trying to get my wallet, then I didn't really know what was going on, he was suddenly all over me... this was all really unexpected. He was feeling my chest and other strange stuff during this time. He puts the belt back on, asks me what I'm doing school-wise, what I'm up to, and he tells me what he's doing. He is studying Civil Engineering. Then he opens the door, gets out of my car, and says goodbye. I get to the window and the slightly annoyed order taker again reads back the order. I say yes.

Fun times...

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Feeling good today

About to head out to Costco with my dad, then to the gym, then come home and clean my room. Feeling good and I haven't taken my anxiety meds since Wednesday night... that's good stuff. Things seem to be going great.

Weird little random thing going on lately- Marcy, Viv, and Gonzo are 3 of my coworkers that speak Spanish and I've been using Spanish with them when we're at work. It is fun because I'm getting practice and it is coming really naturally for me. I feel "in" because I can understand everything and laugh right along.

I find myself at home using Spanish to test my parents and sister. It is funny- my dad hasn't had Spanish in 40+ years, but he knows the grammatical rules. He knows few words. My mom knows enough Spanish because she was able to pick it up working in East LA for 10 years, then having to teach her class in 2 languages when she started at the school she is at. She can figure out what I'm saying 90% of the time, whereas my dad can't, and is lost and annoyed. Stupid sister says she knows Spanish, and she knows some, but in comparison to me... the other night I was telling my parents I was going to go to the gym, then to see Gonzo, then the mall. My sister translated that as I was going to "marry the gym, make with Gonzo, and then go to the park." Sure sis, you know as much Spanish as me. I like showing my sister up. My mom translated what I was saying perfectly. Yay mom!

Unfortunately I can't find this on iTunes... it is Beyonce's "If I Were a Boy" sung by her in Spanish.

I've been wanting to blog about this for a while, but I'm a huge fan of Rachel Ray. Gonzo makes fun of me because I tell her that she is my wifey in the kitchen. I am always starving about 11:30 at school, so since November or so I've made a Rachel Ray 30-Minute Recipe each week for lunch to eat while at school. Here's the link to all of them... It takes me 30 minutes Sunday night and I have food to last me everyday of the week at lunch. It also isn't more than a few dollars...

Mamacello Pasta
Rachael Ray

From Every Day with Rachael Ray
June-July 2006


1 pound spaghetti or linguine
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil (EVOO), 3 turns of the pan
4 garlic cloves, finely chopped *** I like big flavor, so did not hesitate to chop up the whole bulb of garlic, and it was not overpowering
2 pinches of crushed red pepper flakes
½ cup dry white wine (a couple of glugs)
Zest of 2 lemons, 1 lemon juiced
½ cup heavy cream (eyeball it)
Handful of flat-leaf parsley, chopped
1 cup fresh basil (20 leaves), shredded
Freshly grated Parmigiano- Reggiano or Pecorino Romano cheese, for topping the pasta and passing around the table

*** I added some chicken to this and it was good

1. Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Add the pasta and salt the water liberally. Cook the pasta until al dente, 6 to 7 minutes.
2. While the pasta cooks, heat a deep skillet over low heat and add the EVOO, 3 turns of the pan. When the olive oil is warm, add the garlic and red pepper flakes. Turn off the heat and set the garlic aside for 5 minutes, then raise the heat to medium, add the wine and lemon zest and boil to reduce the wine by half, about 3 minutes.
3. When the pasta is just about cooked, add a ladle of starchy pasta cooking water to the skillet with the sauce and stir in the heavy cream. When the cream is warmed through, whisk the lemon juice into the sauce and season with salt. Drain the pasta and toss with the sauce, then let the pasta stand for 1 minute so it can soak up a little of the sauce and lots of flavor. Toss with the parsley, basil and a couple handfuls of grated cheese, then serve immediately. Pass around the extra cheese at the table.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Put everything behind us

Told you in the last post The Guy and I were talking. We are back to being friends. I was really worried for a few weeks because I know how to tick him off and hurt him better than just about anyone else. I was being truthful in what I said, but this was one of those things you have to pick and choose your battles. I decided I needed him as a friend and did not want to lose that. That meant burying the hatchet.

We didn't chat at all on Thursday, but I called him about 12:20 today and suggested we hang out sometime between now and Monday. He calls me at 1:15 as he is leaving work. He says he has a few hours and wants to know if I want to hang out. I said sure. He asked how my day was going, what I've been up to, and thus it was like our old long calls on his way home from work. We chatted about Josh- he jacked Josh off the other night. He told me about his friend Bear and how he doesn't approve of his relationship with his boyfriend because there is no sex and Bear cheats nonstop. I got disconnected a couple times, so The Guy decided we'd hang up and we'd chat when I get to his house.

I get to his house right at 2p.m. I walk up to the door and it is locked. I knock and didn't realize he was right there to open the door. He asks how I was doing. I commented on his new fridge. His old fridge just died about December 29. Yes, I hadn't seen him since December 23. I also noticed his dining area had been redone. He took out the big wooden table that looked like an oak tree. The dog kennel was in the living room, and all of his shoes and stuff that was on the table were in the dining room. He has 6 foot tall mirrors in the dining room he bought the other day at IKEA. Josh was apparently upset he didn't get to go with The Guy. The Guy checks the mail in the meantime and realizes he has bills to pay.

We go into the office because he is $700 behind on an Edison bill, was trying to close his old bank account, and things like that. He also needed to call Protection One because his alarm wasn't working. He took care of that and I brought in my computer for The Guy to fix. The case warped in an area when I dropped it, and I blogged about that in my previous post. He used some pliers, a towel, and was able to pound the dent out. It looks almost unnoticeable now. I was worried because I didn't think my CD drive was ok, but he tried it out and it was. WOOT!!!

The Guy talks about how he wants to make a flier to help Josh's personal training since he no longer wants to be a firefighter. He sets out and we spend the next hour and a half designing the flier. The Guy used Josh's photo, a couple other photos, and that was cool. I got to see how Photoshop was used more, as well as a couple other Adobe programs. I had been wanting to learn and The Guy is good at this stuff. He sends it to Josh via e-mail, Josh loves it, then he calls Jeff to get a price quote on the fliers.

The Guy showed me his closet. He bought 3-4 new shirts from Buckle, returned the 2 I bought him at Christmas and showed me what he bought instead. He joked about the gift card thing last year when I bought him a Chipotlé giftcard and he had just went on a tirade about how he hated gift cards. He told me from here on out a Buckle gift card would be great.

We went in the living room and he told me how Josh and him are making real headway. The Guy and Josh have spent several nights together, sleeping, then they jacked off together the other night. Josh talked about how his girlfriend isn't everything and how he is constantly disappointed. He told me about how he was holding up. I told him about everything going on in my life. It was like old times. The hatchet was behind us.

The Guy had a dinner (date)- he refused to call it that, but a date with someone at 6p.m., so he showered while I watched "South Park." When he got out we hugged and said goodbye. I left at 5:55 and got home at 6:45. On the way home on the 10 freeway I was driving next to CBS 2's Melissa McCarty in an unmarked CBS news van who came out to the city I live to do a story. It took a while to register which reporter it was.

I'm glad at least he's back as a friend.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Where have I been?

No real activity to report gay scene or coming out wise, but I just wanted to let you know I'm still here.

I'll update you on some of the stuff going on right now:
- Looking at teaching credential programs and options for next year
- Updating my resumé
- Should work on my cover letter, but have no motivation
- Subbing lots
- Dealing with rotten students
- Getting tons of complements on my stylish clothes
- Haven't talked to The Guy really (talked on Tuesday for about 10 minutes and today for about 30). I made a comment that really infuriated him a few weeks back that I'm sure he'd do anything for Josh, but not me. We didn't talk for a good two weeks or so... we may hang out this weekend. It felt like The Guy was pushing me away, especially around my birthday (I only got a text saying "Happy Birthday," and given our friendship, history, etc. I was expecting more, but know he was pissed off for that comment I made days earlier. And when I say pushing me away, I mean friendship-wise. Talking to him the past 2 days has been great.
- Have had a rough week with other friendships also, which really made me feel alone. Saw Mike driving the other day at Del Taco and he walked out the other door, then when we were both getting in our cars, he flipped me off
- Talking with fellow bloggers/comments have really made me feel great
- Still haven't talked to anyone from the text message fallout
- Got my hours cut at the high school tutoring gig today- 4 hours total by the end of the week and due to Schwarzenegger's budget cuts and the district being cautious it'll probably be gone until next year. This job is my major spending money for dining out with friends, shopping, etc. My subbing paycheck is pretty much savings. It is sad when I have more time this quarter to be there and I'd really like to get to know those coworkers better. By the end of the month this job will probably be over for the rest of the year.
- Budget cuts school-wise... 10 teachers will be slashed from my mom's school next year and enrollment will be the same- she's worried because she's an elective teacher, plus she is a vocal critic of the administration (but for good reason)
- I dropped my poor Mikebook Pro the first day back at school for this quarter and damaged the edge. It is repairable, but it'll be expensive... hope The Guy can fix it when we do hang out... if we do...

A good song I'm enjoying to break up all the text... "Sex On Fire" by Kings of Leon

- Was involved in a serious accident Saturday night- I'm safe- minimal damage to my dad's car (popped grille). I'm ok- I wasn't at fault and there was no way I could have avoided it. Emotionally, it has been difficult given what happened and so much unexplained
---- Why was I in my dad's car? Well, I was trying to get his car detailed (my Christmas gift to him), but the car wash had closed and my mom called me to take a detour to the fabric store for her, and then the accident happened on the way home. My insurance company has in fact been thanking me for stopping, reporting the accident, and being the first to call 9-1-1
- My parents bought me a bedroom set for my birthday/Christmas and the bed frame is finally coming tomorrow
- My dad is finally walking again with a walker and is going through physical therapy- he is also back at work
- Major family drama with the aunt.... that never stops
- Had a couple bad evenings this weekend and I spent a lot of time in my room crying. My mom knew something was up, came in, talked to me, told me how I can tell her anything, how if I'm upset, she's upset, if I can't sleep, she can't. I was really upset about some things I should have been able to tell her, but wasn't able to. Still haven't told her, but I've been ok the past couple days. Thank goodness for the anxiety meds... I'd be a wreck right now otherwise I believe...
- School... well... I'm making it... not enjoying my classes... but making it... trying my hardest to enjoy them... using school as an escape and a motivation right now... senioritis? not so much... it is an outlet/escape more than anything
- Friends at school- I'm hanging out with my friend Dennis and he is introducing me to some of his friends at school, so I've met a couple new people like his friend Ryan (the one who I blogged about helping me with the teaching program since I missed the deadline and he works in that office)

I want to post some photos of random stuff in the near future, so stay tuned...

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

It was so refreshing to log onto the degree tracker website yesterday and see...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Course Plan Filed - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Planned Courses Requirement to be met
----------------------- -----------------------------------
SOC 188 SOCIOLOGY OF THE 1960S 4.00 General University requirements
HS BA Degree
Total 4.00

1 class from my degree.

Thursday, January 8, 2009


I wanted to thank everyone who wished me a Happy Birthday! I mentioned it vaguely in my last blog and wasn't trying to be overt about it.

It was truly a great day! For one, I feel so relaxed! I have felt anxiety over the past couple days, but nothing compared to what I felt for so many months. I am on Xanax and Ativan for the readers who are curious. The anxiety is not completely gone, I'm sure it has a lot to do with me, letting go of events, things like that, but I really do feel so much better, and I know the pills probably are not the solution to everything, but let me tell you, there is a difference!

So I had to work today. My mom was talking to the school secretary this morning and told her that it was my 22nd birthday. The secretary told the principal, he wished me Happy Birthday, and gave me some Hersheys Kisses. Then the secretary wrote it on the board in the teacher's lounge.

My mom's friend Linda asked me to sub for her. Her kids are good overall, so it was fun. One of her students whom I've had trouble with before, not because he is a bad kid, but because he is ADD and distracts everyone was particularly amusing today. He name is Jerry and he is a short 7th grader who is probably 4'11. I try to say hi to him, complement him on his cool clothes, and he likes that. Today before I started class, he deemed me the coolest, most stylish teacher on campus. I wore my navy blue Vans with white shoe laces, blue Levi's 514s, and a green American Eagle buttondown. He came in the room saying "WOW, Mr. Smith, you are the coolest teacher on campus. None of the other teachers wear skinny jeans or shop at American Eagle." I laughed and told him I'm not most teachers. He agreed. Well, the real reason I'm blogging about Jerry is because he was too funny. I sent him out of the room a few weeks back when I subbed for Linda because he was running around the room and yelling when we were supposed to be reading aloud as a class. Well, today they were working in groups reading "Rikki Tikki Tavi" and Jerry didn't have a partner. He decided Casper the Friendly Ghost would be his partner. I laughed because Jerry is one of those cute little kids who can do that in the 7th grade and nobody would make fun of him. Jerry worked, he was off task 4-5 times, which is not unusual. But each time he was off task I'd look over at him, smile, then say "Casper! What are you doing this time? I thought you were supposed to be WORKING with Jerry and he's off task." I'd also say "Casper, is your work done? I think Jerry's is because he is talking to __x___." He'd get right back to work. It was cute.

By 5th period I'm sure 1/4 of the school knew it was my birthday. My mom has most of the same kids Linda does, so she told them to say "Happy Birthday to Mr. Smith." It was funny walking the halls and random kids were saying happy birthday to me. I thanked them and smiled.

For dinner we went to a Spanish restaurant- NOT MEXICAN. I love me my Mexican food, don't get me wrong, but I also love Spanish food. I had meat paella. It was sooooooooooo delicious. I hadn't had it since last year when this happened. The service was even better than last year. The waitress was an older Mexican lady and she did so much as to even put our napkins in our laps, things like that, which was nice. She brought me an Andalucian fudge cake for dessert, which was very chocolatey... too much for my liking. And my dad and sister weren't fans- my sister just nibbled at her food, but the conversation was about me. Me! ME! ME! We talked about my day at work, me getting my teaching credential, my plans in the future. ME!

We went home and my mom gave me 4 scarves and a multi-colored blue and orange striped jacket I wanted. I love the jacket and the scarves should be interesting in helping me accessories/try new styles out.

My mommy made me one of my favorite cakes. My first favorite is carrot cake, but that takes hours. So she made my second favorite, which is a white cake with pineapple filling, and cream cheese icing. YUMMY!!!!

So what else? We had a 5.0 earthquake this evening, which rattled nerves. Mine especially. Anxiety!

And lastly, I came out to Jenn tonight. Jenn is the girl I was so worried of telling because she had a crush on me, is a great friend, lots of common friends, and I was worried she'd tell her mom, then in turn mine........... here's our AIM convo. The convo was in reference to dating...

so we broke up

aaaaw... i'm sorry... anytime you want to talk im here

who are you going out with?
what is their name?
awww cute

wooooooooooooooooooow. JJ..... i didn't say i was dating anyone.......

are you? what's her name?

lol.... well.... actually if i were dating someone it would be a he... lol...... i feeeeeeeel soooooooo weird telling you that...........

you shouldnt have to
ok..... so yeah.................. um..... yeah
im happy for u


wow mike, u could of told me lol

i feel so weird saying anything
and over aim of all places
not like phone

hahaha Mike! its ok
im glad u feel comfortable enough telling me


Wednesday, January 7, 2009

A lull

I've been so stressed lately with things going on in my life. I broke down and went to the psychiatrist last night at Kaiser. My doctor has been so staunch and refused to give me more than a preventative anxiety medicine. I have the anxiety meds and I feel so calm. That knot in my stomach is gone- the knot that has been so prevalent for weeks and months. I'm just literally amazed. My myspace status today is "I feel human again." I feel extremely mellow despite the events of today. I kind of like this!

I have been busy at school as the quarter just started. I think I have my classes picked. I'm only halfway looking forward to one of them, but I have an awesome schedule (10-12 on W, F and 10-12, 2-5 on Monday). I'm keeping optimistic- I am going to tackle the schoolwork head on, I only go 2 hours and back to back on W and F. I know I'm pretty much guaranteed a "B" in my Spanish class.

I got a 3.56GPA last quarter. I had 2 A's and 1 B. Dean's List... 3rd time... woot!!! Now if my GPA would rise above a 3.4141414141 I'd be ecstatic. I'm happy I have the Dean's List thing to brag about, though.

Work at the high school has been going well. There are going to be major budget cuts due to the Cali State budget crisis and my boss may be faced with laying some of us off. She assured me I have seniority as I've been there 4 years with Gonzo, so I won't be on the chopping block. I'm rarely there, which is another thing working for me, and she doesn't want to lose my expertise. She is working looking for alternatives including making sure all of my coworkers like Darla, Joe, Marci, etc. can get other in-district jobs at other schools with the same program if needed.

Subbing has been going well. I'm subbing for Linda, my mom's friend tomorrow. She is having eye surgery for blurred vision. Payday for subbing is Friday!!! WOOT!!!

And remember I was talking a few weeks back about needing to branch out in what I wear? Well, how's this? This is what Gonzo's idea of that was... she bought me this shirt for my birthday.
It is a t-shirt with unicorns, dinosaurs, and other things on... I'd wear it to the high school... but I'd wear it on a cold day where I could put a jacket over it... I love that she actually bought me that, I laughed, and thanked her for it. Then I said I'll wear it to work one of these days, so I guess I am going to do that. Well, stuff like that does appear to be in right now. All of the guys are wearing zipped jackets with odd, juvenile patterns like that.

I know we need an update on The Guy and so here it is. We have talked a little bit off and on lately, but I've been bitchy and he has been too. Josh is realizing how condescending his girlfriend is and Josh and The Guy seem to be back to their little love affair. They had the best New Years Eve together as Josh bought The Guy a USC hat and went over to watch the football game with The Guy, Zach (the guy's best friend), and Justin (Zach's friend). We're going to get together this weekend probably to celebrate my birthday.

Monday, January 5, 2009

We knew I couldn't say it straight out that I'm gay...

I have a friend named Iman whom I've known since junior year of high school. We go to the same college and have the same group of friends. We try to stay in contact, but she's one of those science majors who practically lives at school and is always busy with family commitments and school. She is Muslim and like most of my friends can't be out late, can't date, etc. etc.

So we were chatting a lot lately over facecbook and decided we'd meet today since we had a common break and get lunch. We walked from campus to the Wienerschnitzel for some chili cheese dogs. When she was there she asked if I had a girlfriend, how I'm such a lady's man, and things like that. I said well, that's surprising since guys interest me. She laughed and smiled. Then she asked if I had pictures of people I liked. I did. And I showed her pictures of guys from my phone. Then the conversation continued... I was hesitant leading up and trying to avoid the subject and remaining very gender neutral when talking about guys referring to them as "they" or "them"; but we just trudged through it and I felt weird because her best friend is Darla and I haven't told her yet... maybe she'll find out... but that was easy.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Fight, New Years Eve, Family, and more

I'm back, but I'm typing this out at 11p.m. on a Saturday night when I could be sleeping, so here goes a quick update. Started typing this last week, hence the long post about The Guy, but decided not to post it as I was upset and had enough stuff going on at the time.

Last Monday, The Guy and I had a big argument. He had been ignoring me several days prior and not returning calls. I was asking for his help in buying a new TV. He wanted to go to Best Buy Monday night to get Josh speakers ($700) for his TV. He asked me if I wanted to go and he'd help me. From the time I get to his house there is an awkward tension in the air. He looks like he could cry any moment and was really snapping at everything. We didn't spend much time looking because the "ass he doesn't like" was working, and The Guy doesn't understand budget/money restrictions. So I was disappointed. Went back to his house and then we both just kind of started arguing with each other over stupid things. He criticized me for not letting go of this or that, being upset at my sister, etc. etc. etc. I got up at one point, walked out, got in my car, started crying, then composed myself and thought about how I wasn't solving anything, probably creating more problems between a friend, so I went back in and apologized. He basically just stared at me with a sort of pissed off look for doing that and asked what the fuck was going on with me. We apologized and I took off. Josh was at the door as I was saying goodbye; I was leaning on it, I felt it coming in, pushed it shut, then once I opened the door it flew into my face. Josh apologized and I did too. Then we laughed trying to explain how we both thought something was wrong with the door. He asked how I was doing, then gave me a hug, which sort of surprised me... Mr. Straight Josh. Didn't really speak to The Guy the rest of the week other than a text here or there because he was crushed about Josh, sick over that, we were upset with each other.

Went out to Arizona for New Years Eve. Lots of fun... in summation bullet style:
- Lots of Jack and coke- I was drunker than I had ever been as my vision was impaired a little, but I was still more or less in control... lol
- Hanging out with friends
- 2009 glasses
- champagne and beer
- bowling
- fun playing with things like Shazam on my iPhone
- Shopping at Macys for a New Years Eve outfit... I rocked it out in a black vest, black shirt with gold stripes... stepped out of my comfort zone
- Exploring a new state
- Lots of good music like Beyonce's "Put a Ring on It," which was stuck in my head more than once those couple days.
- Lots of time to sing in the car to everything... Neyo's "Miss Independent" was EVERYWHERE, as well as Pussycat Dolls "I Hate This Part"
- Getting to test out my new car on a long distance trip... 35mpg going and 36mpg coming home

Other random things:
- Hit the gym hard last night and talked to Gonzo... we need to chat soon and catch up on the chisme in each others lives..... GONZO IS ENGAGED...
- Arguing with my mom last night about always going to Knotts, her being stuck in the past, going there too often, things like that
- Knotts Berry Farm today, despite the argument last night
- Getting on all the rides at Knotts within 10 minutes; there were NO lines
- Discussing teaching jobs with my parents
- Meeting up with my friend Ryan to talk to him about the education programs at my college... quite a relief after panic that I missed the deadline to apply... and because of my apathy I did.... yay for friends with connections!!!
- Haven't really talked to The Guy... he and Josh are apparently more together as of the past couple days... qué loco!