Saturday, October 11, 2014

Almost bought a car

I was this close to buying a Hyundai Veloster today - it's between that and an SUV. And the Prius comes out next year.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Bonding with my custodian

I have the 2 greatest custodians at my school - I could say they're my favorite people at the school - I'm not friends with most of the other staff.

The AM custodian is a good friend of my sister (sister, as in work sister from my old school). We go back and forth, and she thinks if I'm sissy's friend, then I'm a-ok. AM custodian goes out of her way to do things for me - she brought me a bunch of computers at the beginning of the school because 1 teacher wanted them out of her room. She even found me a teacher computer since I didn't have one.

The PM custodian always calls me "sir." Tonight he came in my room as I was packing up and told me he wasn't going to clean the spills the AM teacher had made with her coffee machine. He said he didn't like her. If it had been me, he would have. I said I would have cleaned my mess if I made it. He said again he didn't like the AM teacher. I said I didn't either. He told me he said some very hurtful things to him. My custodian looks like one of those biker bad ass guys, but thin and scrawny, and a ponytail. I didn't ask for more detail, but he then said "my brother is gay. My brother died. My brother committed suicide." I said "I understand - I'm gay." He said "I know." I was surprised. I thought this guy would be the biggest homophobe because he has that biker look. He said for someone who calls themselves a Christian, the AM teacher gives them  bad name. He said that he has no problem with religious people, but she is such a hypocrite, and she printed out articles for him about why gay people go to hell. We chatted a bit back and forth, and said goodnight. I have a new respect for this guy - he's always very friendly - but I felt like he could turn on a dime - but knowing he's cool with me being gay (not like my sexuality matters), but like he knows, and he isn't going to give me a had dime is refreshing.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Songs to get me through the week

Heard this on Dr. Laura's show the other day - yes - Dr. Laura - don't ask. And I haven't heard it in years.

And this song has been in heavy rotation in the car on my partner's phone

And the way Nicki's ass moves in this song... but on another note I burst out singing this in class for my class - only the chorus. They didn't think I knew cool music. I said Nicki was my girl. The voice. Nicki. You just sound so childish.

Because I saw them the other night, and am all over them.

Oh, and all these songs fit so well on my new iPhone 6, which is as sexy as can be.

Monday, October 6, 2014

Another concert weekend

Saw The Band Perry Friday night at Stateline. They were awesome. Ventured to Vegas Saturday. Sooo needed the weekend away!!!

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

In honor of National Bullying Month

Thought I would talk about the times I was bullied or made fun of, that stand out vividly in my mind.

Steven D made fun of me back in probably 2nd or 3rd grade. We were in AWANA at church, a program where you learn Bible verses and play games. One Thursday night something had had happened- I think one of my tennis shoes was splitting, so I couldn't play games at AWANA if I were to wear the shoes I had on. I was at my grandma's house at the time. My dad went to Stater Brothers because they sold shoes at the time, and bought me a pair of women's canvas shoes with laces like my grandma wore. I wore them with slight embarrassment. It was a few weeks before my parents bought me new shoes- money was tight. Anyways,I went to AWANA one night, and Steven made fun of me, and that stuck for several weeks when he would ask me why I wore cheap shoes, why I wore granny shoes. He called me granny from then on- a good 2 or so years until he moved away. 

4-6th grades
Brad and Brad made fun of me for not wearing Billabong or Quicksilver back in about 4-5th grades. My mom's philosophy was she shouldn't pay to advertise the names of companies on her shirt. I could never bring myself to tell my mom that I didn't have any cool clothes and was made fun of. Instead I remember that one night we were at a thrift store for whatever reason, and I saw a green Billabong shirt that looked in relatively good condition. My mom said how ugly it was because of the logos on it, and refused to buy it. She relented after my nagging, and invested a grand total of 50 cents in the shirt. I wore it to school excitedly only to be made fun of by Brian B because it looked like it was bought at a thrift store. I was so crushed at my attempt to try to be cool and fit in. I denied it was and said that I just hand't worn it in a really long time. 

4th grade
We would line up along the portable, our classroom, which was located on the field after recess. Tommy F would always ask me if I was gay. I didn't know what the word meant at the time, and would say yes. My friends Jamey and Daniel told me to say otherwise, and when I would, I would get laughed at. I learned in 6th grade being gay meant liking guys, and I did, but by then that had been forgotten. This went on day after day- 2 or 3 times a day sometimes!

I had a lunch pail that had the initials BMS on it in 4th grade when I remembered to bring my lunch and didn't have to eat in the cafeteria. It was the initials of an education company or something my mom bought stuff from. Anyways, we would put our lunch pails at the gate of the field after lunch during recess. Brad (mentioned above), Shay, and John would make fun saying that it stands for "Break Mike's Shit," so of course my lunch pail was kicked around and hid from me EVERY FRICKIN' DAY. 

Stephanie Y and Amy L would often join in on the bullying. I still dislike both of them. 

Anyone who didn't have a BMX bike was made fun of- Brad K and Shay both had one.

I wasn't bullied in 6th grade really as Shay, Stephanie Y, Amy L, and  Brad K were in different classes. They were in the room next door with Mr. O, but I rarely saw them. 

7th Grade
Shay ended up in my CORE class- language arts and social science class. I remember Shay tried to make fun of me when I sprained my ankle about how I wasn't cool, told the kids how he made fun of me in middle school. I loved my teacher, Mrs. H, and told her that Shay used to make fun of me. She moved his seat and I guess spoke with him- he never made a comment again. 

There was also all the times I was made fun of for my name.

... And for my voice. I don't know how to describe my voice - a mix of nasally, southern, twang, with some Indiana and New York thrown in. People used to ask me when I was younger if I was from New York. I'm not. I don't say "cawfee," and words to that like. It is nasally due to all my sinus issues. And I am always mistook for ma'am on the phone. I'm not southern. I'm not a woman. Don't call me ma'am. I guess the southern comes about because of the nasal issues. I sound a lot like my dad and uncle, though. My uncle somehow has a boom to his voice that I don't have.

This was hard to write... it brought back so many memories. One thing that all of these events have done is caused me to be a little more shy, not fight, not speak up. These events caused me to go from a fun loving kid, to a kid with many things to hide, a lot of shame. These things made me not want to participate in church functions or school functions. I remember not participating in things in school like chorus because all the kids I mentioned above were in it. And who wouldn't want to get out of science class?!

So speak up. Be an advocate for those who are bullied - that's something I try daily. And I speak. I use my godawful voice, and you can't shut me up. 

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Being at one

My partner in crime has been gone since Sunday. I miss him. It's not unusual for him to be gone several days in a row for business, so that's not the issue. I'm usually perfectly fine with it. I go to the gym, clean, cook, try new dishes, visit family. The past 2 days I've felt a strange sense of aloneness. I have been coping pretty well and just trying to be in the moment, and enjoy the company of myself... but sometimes it would be nice to hear from a random friend.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Stupid Shit. The dog.

So... I was visiting the family "celebrating" my sister's birthday. It was hardly a celebration. I bought her some really nice sports themed gifts that she seemed to enjoy. And well, there's a dog issue... suddenly my parents have new dogs and my sister insists they stay inside... dogs have never been allowed inside. It has limited my visits to the house because my allergies go haywire when I'm there.

So anyways, I'm at the house. I'm in the kitchen and there's a glass candleholder that was on the counter that is like that fake crystal stuff, but glass. Well, part of it broke in half and I guess my mom had the intention of gluing it. Well, she put it on the counter. WTF why? Anyways, I didn't realize it, set my hand down on the counter, and holy shit, I sliced my middle finger all the way down. It hurt like a mother. I take my hand and swat that candleholder into the trash, which is right next to me. Apparently Stupid Shit (the dog's name I gave her) runs away and has a GPS collar that my sister decided to sit there too. So it happened that I swatted 3 small pieces of the collar into the trash. At that point all I care about is my finger. Am I going to go digging in the trash to find Stupid Shit's collar? No. Did I know it was Stupid Shit's collar at the beginning? No. So I go and clean my hand up and put a couple bandaids on it.

I come back out and sit in the chair in the living room. Parents are prepping to go in their bathrooms. Sister starts looking for Stupid Shit's collar and goes to tell my dad I threw it in the trash. Excuse me? I had no idea what she was talking about. I said I didn't know if I did. I told her that I just sliced my hand and if it was over there, then I probably swatted it in the trash. She told me I needed to dig it out of the trash. I said no. She suddenly comes lunging at me. She stands within 12'' of my face and starts screaming at the top of her lungs calling me a stupid idiot and that I don't care about the animals, and I am going to be responsible if they run away, and the animal has never done anything to me. Whatever. The dog comes over near me and I kick it as I'm trying to get up.  Sister then stands back and slugs me across my arm and bruised it nicely. I rush into my old bedroom get my clothes, suddenly my mom is yelling at me about how the dogs have never done anything to me. My sister is yelling about how the dog was abused before they got her, so it was a great thing that I kicked the dog. I get my stuff and walk out and tell my sister that she's a fucking retard.

I go down to the gas station to get gas from my car and with some begging from my dad after he called me I relented and went to my stupid sister's birthday. Honestly I shouldn't have gone, but I went for my dad and to make my sister mad. I stewed about the incident all the way to the venue and debated if I did the right thing. It's a delicate situation - I am in such a good place with my dad right now that I didn't want to cause issue. On the other hand I feel I should have just gone home and made my mom mad that they spent $50 and I didn't attend, and all that jazz. I do think that I won't get together with my parents this week, and when my mom asks why I'm going to say because of the way they let their daughter treat me. I probably won't call after school each day, which will probably be a little lonely. I am sure we will make up, but I just want to be mad for a while I guess. Good thing regardless I won't have to see my sister anytime soon. With my work schedule I rarely have to see her.