Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Ugh! He just doesn't leave!!!

This is what I woke up to on myspace from our dear friend, Carl.

Nice picture.. you graduated?

I'm in Texas now. I had to get out of California! No jobs! I like it here though. I got a job a few weeks after I moved here, and today i bought a car! Things are looking up.

Well- I hope you are doing well. It would be nice to keep in touch with you! I miss you!

Hell- come visit me if you want! :-)


443-***-**** Call/text or e-mail me back..

Will he ever go away? Honestly, whatever, I haven't thought about him in months. I knew he wasn't gone for good. I think I'm too busy to respond, though.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Instant credibility - Music edition

Rather than bitching about my day and what went wrong I will post something positive. Bitching, it seems to be all that I do lately, and I'm tired of it. I'm trying to be positive.

So sometimes the kids have a favorite singer or artist that they are talking about. I'm young and hip, I listen to the stuff they do, so I know about their favorite singers and things like that. Today one girl was talking about how much she likes Degrassi. Somehow a few minutes later rap came up and I had some trivia for the kids. I asked the girl, R, if she knew that the rapper Drake's real name was, and she didn't know. I laughed and she asked if it was Drake. I told her no, it was Aubrey Graham. She asked who that was and I told her that this was some good trivia she could use on her friends- it was Jimmy from Degrassi. I had some gasps, kids telling me I was wrong, how they don't look anything alike, and how Jimmy doesn't cuss like Drake does. I asked if maybe Aubrey Graham was ACTING and maybe his character is the wholesome, well liked basketball player (yes, they dug that I knew that, and they got my point). I asked them if they had seen the music video because it looked like Jimmy to me. The kids were working quietly and this was a side conversation I picked up on and had to chime in on. The kids told me they were going to go home and prove me wrong tomorrow. I'm not worried. I know I'm right.

I love love love music trivia btw.

Monday, September 28, 2009


I saw a few posters put out by thinkb4youspeak and this one amused me, as did many of the others. Good stuff, check them out.

This is my new wallpaper on my computer. They have one that says "that's so computer gamer who has more videogames than friends."

Maybe one of these days I'll have a classroom of my own to put one in.

Sunday, September 27, 2009


This weekend has been eventful. I went shopping yesterday with my mom. She is having a tough time and hasn't really dealt with my grandma's passing in my opinion. She hasn't really broken down and has tried to remain strong. We were snapping at each other constantly. I was annoyed she was taking too long, I was annoyed she didn't like the clothes I liked, you get the idea, it was not pretty.

We went out for my sister's birthday and because my sister had to watch the damn Yankee game we didn't go to dinner until 5 and because Linda was there it was 8 before we left. At 5 I was supposed to be having a Rock Band Tournament at coworker Joe's house. Me, not happy, I was lucky I put my best face on and didn't become very snappy.

Today my mom, Linda her husband, and myself went to the LA County Fair. I woke up a little moody, but I had things on my mind, and no one to talk to. I went to the gym where I was able to let out some steam, then had breakfast, and then everything was fine. We go to the LA County Fair and meet up with Linda and her husband at 1. Her husband is so passive in comparison to her. He reminds me of my dad, Linda of my mom, except my mom is not so OCD. We walk around. Linda and I hang together, her husband and my mom hang together. We watch some horse racing, which is so absolutely boring, and we talk. We get 3 calls from my aunt in OK about what my aunt in Nor Cal did. Each time she called she asked to talk to my mom and I would pass the phone. It made for an awkward tension around Linda and her husband, but they understood since Linda has now heard the whole story. There were a couple times my mom came very close to breaking down and Linda and her hubby comforted her and hugged her. I was becoming moody because we were there for hours and we had said last night we'd only be there for 4-5 hours. The fact that my mom was having a difficult time bothered me because I don't like to see my mom like that. Minus the aunt events,. It was fun, don't get me wrong, but it was weird because of everything going on with my family. Well, I was supposed to hang out with Chris, so I became snappy, and my plans were falling through. I did hang out with him and we caught 3 episodes of Kourtney and Chloe Take on Miami, as well as Desperate Housewives. We hugged on the couch, stroked each others arm, etc. It felt good. Too bad I didn't feel horny.

Leaving the fair, though, my mom and I talked in the car. We didn't talk about the calls from my aunt or grandma. It was like my mom had so much to say and I had so much to say but couldn't and began to feel really worried. That stress about coming out. I always feel it when my mom and I are alone having a conversation. When there is something going on my mom and I want to talk about it seems to feel really heavy, we both have something to say, but don't say it. She asked me what was going on and if I wanted to talk about it. I said no. She went on like "ok, you're just like your dad, it hurts me because you seem distant...," so after a while I relented. I told her about The Guy and another friend who have both been very awkward for different reasons and how we've been angry at each other in one way or another. Sure him being distant is bothering me at a time when I can use a friend, but I couldn't come out, and that wasn't what I would have done or wanted to do then. Basically I lied somewhat (The Guy and I haven't talked because he's dealing with issues and is wanting to be alone), but since my mom doesn't know him, I could say what I wanted. It wasn't what my heart desired to say, but it was something to stop the nagging. She said she has thought I've had stuff going on with him since New Years Eve when I went to Arizona. I asked what that meant. She said she didn't know, she thought there was something. I said no. I reminded her I was out with another group of friends in Arizona. I was. Not a lie. SHe said ok. Then I talked about the "argument," which was a lie. She gave her 2 cents. I hate times like this. I don't even know why I felt like I had to come out- I guess sexuality is a part of this whole issue with my aunt and it is driving me mad and pressuring me.

There are a lot of times like this. I've had my share in the past 2 years or so as this whole thing with my grandma has been going on- the family becomes a lot closer and divided. We have just had this awkward tension in tough times. It is hard to describe, but I become so worried about saying something, coming out to my mom, and her negative reaction. I was thinking and it was on the tip of my tongue to tell my mom on the way home tonight.

Personally I think it was a good weekend as far as getting out and doing a lot. Emotions just got in the way. Worries on both ends. Not looking forward to next weekend. I need a break.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Random Tidbits from my life

- My mom finally told Linda that her mom had died last Saturday. She wasn't going to, but somehow in conversation it came out. Thursday was an especially difficult day. My mom broke down while calling me on the phone. I have been doing better as the week progresses. I think Linda wasn't going to tell because it would upset Linda, but also Linda has dealt with tons of loss and her thing would probably be very concerned, then let's move on because you've got to- just a guess. My mom also didn't bring it up because there is not much she can- other than what we've done legally- but she told me she isn't really crying because she's so happy grandma is in a better place away from my aunt. Not thrilled about this weekend.
- My mom and sister spent some time watching LOGO last night. My mom realized it was the gay channel when she kept seeing "Boys Gone Wild" ads. They were watching a show called "The Killer Condom." My dad later joined them in watching it. They deemed it was one of those you just had to watch because the title drew you in. Me, I passed, I equated it to watching porn with my family. No. It was pretty hilarious. I heard nonstop laughs from the living room
- I helped out a former teacher, Mr. B, with Back to School Night. He couldn't be there, so he made a video to show to parents, and all I had to do was play it. I just gave a little introduction each time and it was pretty unintimidating, even though I was talking to adults, many much older than me.
- I am finding more than any other time I have a lot of confidence. I mean using last night as an example, or subbing, or giving presentations. Easy deal. I don't mind public speaking- I never have- I just seem to have a new confidence (as much as I hate my voice) where I am less shy.
- Hung out with Chris Sunday night. Went to Target and the Olive Garden. We saw The Informant. Very Austin Powers like is what I told him with the music. We both were expecting something different and Matt, Matt, what happened? We were not turned on by Matt Damon's character.
- Been chatting with Chris a lot online. He was having a hard night Wednesday over the breakup. Last night he was too, and told me he was sad I wasn't there to watch NBC Thursday Night with him. I said next Thursday I'll make sure to be. We somehow got to talking about enjoying each other's company. The conversation got sexual in nature. I was the bad boy in this and told him well, I really like his penis. He asked if I really did. I said mhmmmm and as we chatted we talked about enjoying spending time with each other and then I told him I really liked him. I wanted to throw it out. I did.
- I am going out clubbing at the gay club in my city with Gonzo, Marci, and Viv from work tonight. Not sure Marci and Viv know about me being gay. Should make for an interesting thing when they find out. I don't know if they know it is a gay club or what Gonzo has told them.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Indulging myself

I need to do more of that. I found that Live Nation has a $49 club pass where you can go to select shows at select venues (The Wiltern, House of Blues Anaheim or Sunset Strip, The Palladium, and The Avalon) for the rest of the year. If I was a serious concert goer, this would be an awesome deal. I am tempted to buy it. It doesn't guarantee entry. You have to email each Monday to see the shows you want to for that week to try to get on the list it seems. But if you get to see 3 or 4 shows, it pays for itself.

I could see
Randy Travis
Bob Dylan and his band
Brand New
Snow Patrol
Colbie Caillat
Boys II Men
Los Lobos

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

V-neck shirts

Sometimes I buy clothes because I like the print. Sometimes there are other less redeeming things. This shirt shows my man cleavage. It has that disgusting v-neck cut that I realized after I bought drives me crazy. I'm too self conscious to wear something like this some days.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

To give you an idea what I'm going through

In the obituary my aunt wrote she did not include my name. She included my aunt and uncle, my mom and dad, and of course herself and her husband. She listed my sister and cousins in Oklahoma as grandchildren. She even went on to name the great-grandchildren. But she overlooked my name.

My aunt in OK got to proof the obituary and she said she didn't see my name, sent it back telling my aunt about that error, and forwarded it to me because I asked for it. My aunt said she was ready to send it to be published, and my name was not in the final copy. She did not list me in the fucking obituary. I am as much apart of this family as everyone else. I don't care we don't get along, my parents don't get along with my aunt, and they were included. My sister, too. Have some decency. Have some class. Have some respect. I know it is just an obituary, a name in the newspaper, whatever, but hell, words hurt, verbal or in print.

Wednesday morning edit: The obituary is in our newspaper this morning and my name is not there. That hurts beyond belief. I saw my grandma's name, threw the paper across the room, began bawling, and then went back to read it. So cruel.

Monday, September 21, 2009

What happened- in response to the last post

Well, Saturday morning my grandma died. We had known her health had been on the decline for the past month.

A text message, some investigating on my end, sifting through the lies, calling around, and more to find out about my grandma's health. Lies from my aunt about grandma's health. Cussing me out nonstop and saying other not so nice things all weekend. The lies and deception pretty much explain the entire weekend. My aunt is one sneaky bitch, and we're trying to be two steps ahead of her at all times. We think she was lashing out against me to make her next move. It's a mess.

I haven't really had a time to break down all weekend. I felt trapped, and that's why I said I had nobody to turn to. I had nowhere to go and cry, just let all the feelings out. Thankfully I was not called to sub today. I did break down this morning when my iPod mix played one of my grandma's favorite songs.

She was from W. Va and she would recite this song when explaining why she liked W. Va. This was one of her favorite songs to dance with my grandpa. He only went to 1 high school reunion, and the one he went to was held in the W. Va state capitol because someone from his graduating class ended up being the governor of W. Va. My grandma said that she got to dance in the dome of the capitol and it was lit up with blue lights.

I really want to say thanks to Bruce, JC, Masked AEK, James, El Genio, ezminty, anonymous, and everyone else who checked in with me over the weekend, or left a comment. I truly appreciate it to know that so many people care about me.

Saturday, September 19, 2009


I should feel tears. I know they are there, but they won't come. I just need to and want to cry, but can't. Last night I could have completely broken down, but held myself together for fear of crying in front of my parents, which is stupid. Now, now, when it has actually happened I can't seem to. Is it that I have distanced myself from the situation for so long that I don't feel anything, just numb?

At a moment I need someone to be close to I don't have anyone to talk to. This is so screwed up. The way we are handling this. My dad, especially. I am here and can't let myself cry. The Guy is off in Detroit and not returning calls/texts (he hasn't for the past month). I don't feel like talking to Gonzo or anyone like that because I doubt the tears would come/feel the comfort I want/need.

Friday, September 18, 2009

No longer taken

I was driving home from work on Thursday afternoon when I saw Chris was online. I figured I'd say hey. He said he was watching his son, was planning on watching NBC's Season Premiere Night. He asked if I wanted to come over. I said sure, and asked him what time. He told me to meet at his condo at 7:30.

I get to his place, knock on the door, and he is wearing an off white polo with stripes and boxer briefs. He answered the door in black boxer briefs. He was in the middle of changing. He goes in to finish changing and I sit down on the couch. He changes into white with blue stripes Hurley shorts that were pretty tight, and a blue t-shirt. We sit pretty close, almost touching on the couch. He finishes harvesting his crops on facebook's farm app. We make small talk. I tell him my herpes story and stuff like that. He thought it was amusing. He told me about breaking up with his boyfriend, basically it didn't work out, and Chris wasn't a priority. Right after that the atmosphere loosened up. We were sitting next to each other, his hand on my legs, mine on his arm, stuff like that. We rub and stroke each others arm or leg.

Lots of movie previews like the Matt Damon "Informant," we could both go for that, sounded ok.
SNL was alright.
Parks and Recreation was hilarious. We made lots of funny comments and stuff about the show.
The Office was hilarious. We laughed alot. We liked the hot intern that looked like Matt Damon. We spent some time looking who he was online, but couldn't find anything.
Community College was alright, but not that funny.
Leno was ok. Chris joked he was never up to watch Leno. During Leno Chris was laying in my arms, I was rubbing his arms or something. Then he laid down with his head on my crotch area. He laid on my penis. He touched mine a few times throughout the night joking, asking if I was hard. He stroked my dick and I did the same to him several times. At some point during Leno, Chris got an apple and then laid in my arms. We stroked each other's dicks through our pants. I could feel his precum through his pants. It was amusing.

Chris said I needed to go with him to his bedroom before we leave. It was about 11:15. We go to his room, lay down on his bed, and he says shorts have to go off. We take them off, we lay there grinding, making out, him on top of me. We feel each other's penises and reach down into each others underwear, jacking each other. I squeeze his ass a lot. We eventually take our boxer briefs off. When it seemed like we were winding down he goes down and starts giving me a blow job. He was rubbing his prickly face against my dick alot. He repositioned a couple times and then started stroking me and blowing me. I got off pretty quickly and he was glad. I had a couple good spurts. I was about to go down on him and he was busy jacking, trying to get off, rubbing up against me. He shot a few moments later. I cleaned up and he did the same.

He went in to harvest his farm since it was now midnight and he didn't want to lose all of his crops. He said he couldn't walk me to the car because he had so much harvesting to do. He walked me to the door, however, we hugged, and said goodnight.

So I have lots of questions/statements to make that I'm curious about:
- I still have the "feelings" for him. I really like him
- I don't want to be a rebound for him until he finds another boyfriend
- I would ask him out... but um... when... when is a good time? He just broke up. How? How do you ask? Nervousness, yes, but I really don't know how to ask, or when. I've never really asked someone out.
- I question if he still has the feelings/if he does for me
- I question if he is really ready to have a serious relationship. I know he is newly out, don't know much about his ex, don't know how serious he or his ex were about a relationship.
- Chris had a chance for me, do I give him another?
- Why didn't he go to me the first time around?
- It was nervousness on my end

Feel free to give me some advice...

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Ignoring the question

Scene: My classroom for the day, a history class, we are studying the beginnings of Ancient Rome, class is dead silent. We are doing read aloud where 1 student reads a paragraph from the book, then I call on another volunteer.

Me: Who would like to read paragraph 3 next?
Loud Mouth Off Track: ME!!! ME!!! MR!!! ME!!!
Me: Go ahead.
LMOT: Mr. Random Thoughts in My Life, did you know that I heard on Ryan Seacrest this morning 1 in 5 people have herpes?
(Hell is about to break loose... think fast... think fast... what to do... what to say?) (Many random giggles, loud talking starts.)
Me: Ryan Seacrest, love him. I was listening to him in the car this morning, and he just makes American Idol. (I have hand gestures going, changed tone of voice, and everything.)
LMOT: You listen to Ryan Seacrest?
Me: Am I that old? Did you hear the 6:50 shout out this morning? I would swear a teacher from our school called up to wish everyone a good day.
LMOT and several other students: Really? Who? Were you listening?
Me: I think so. I was flipping radio stations and swore that's what I heard.
Random student: Who is young enough to listen to KIIS FM?
Group of students: (Shouting out names of random teachers) Mrs. C, Mrs. D, Mr. E, Mr. F, Mrs. G...
Me: See... we're not that old!
LMOT #2: Are you 33? That's what I heard.
Me: Yes, if it makes your day.
(Talking is thankfully dying down).
Me: Back to Rome where we're going to discuss some really old people.
(Much giggle ensues, but I get them back on task relatively quickly)
Good student #1: Reads about Rome's geography
Good student #2: Reads about farming or something exciting like that.
LMOT: Mister, herpes.
LMOT: You sound serious.
Me: Ancient Rome.
LMOT: Can I read?
Me: Paragraph 6 about Ancient Rome.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Gay teachers

My professor for my Monday night class said something and it is one of those statements that probably just sticks with you, but has had me thinking nonstop since I heard it.

"Gay guys make the best teachers. They already go through so much hate and ridicule that they know the importance of making everyone feel welcome in their classes, and they make all the kids feel comfortable. They deal with so much shit and go through so much trying to hide it, and they really shouldn't. They pour their lives into their work to hide from the outside world."

She went on to say if she knows a teacher is gay, she absolutely pushes to have her son in their classroom. She said that the one gay guy on her staff is the most incredible teacher I have ever met. He is only out to a few people on staff, but those who know, know he is the most incredible teacher. If the parents knew they would flip their lid because it is such a conservative area. It is the parents though pushing to have their students in his class, though. He is so caring, goes to all the kids activities, is at work at 5a.m. and there until 9p.m. He is so organized, he leaves so many comments on all of the students work, he is just overall what every teacher aspires to be.

I just post this because I know I have a few teachers who read my blog, but also, shit, that sounds exactly like what I aspire to be, yet am so worried about having work consume my life like that.

JC has moved his blog

JC over at Who's Life has moved his blog from wordpress over to blogspot. Check him out if you haven't before. He is wanting to know if he should come out to his dad. Head on over and show him some love.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Sister Theory

My sister, dad, and I were all in the car getting groceries on Sunday. Sister was asking if my dad or me wanted to go to school for her.

Dad: What class?
Sis: Nanophysics theory (or something sciencey sounding with the word THEORY attached to it)
Dad: Are there any hot girls in the class?
Sis: Yes, and I sit next to one.
Dad: Do they look like inflatable tires?
Sis: That's so gross! EEEEEEEEEEW. So disgusting. So inhumane to women.
Dad: hahaha
Sis: (upset already for his previous comment) So will you go?
Dad: Um, I'll work on studying the girl.
Sis: You'd have to take notes.
Me: I only take notes on the truth. Professors talk and talk, but it is all just theory.
Sis: Yeah. You're graded on it, idiot.
Me: Until it is a fact I don't need to know it.
Sis: It is fact, idiot.
Me: You said it was a THEORY class.
Sis: It is theory. Theory is the truth. Theory is just another word for truth.
Dad: Theory is not the truth. Facts are truth. (Bunch of other clarification for my sister.) Theories have not been proven true.
Sis begins to cry, massive tears ensue, she is sobbing about us insulting her, her intelligence, her classes, her professors. That was deep.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Family on facebook/myspace

My aunt in OK, the one I recently blogged about for her religious convictions recently got the internet as I said. And once you are on the internet or something, you of course have to send out the cute little forwards via email. Then you get an instant messenger so you can bother your friends and family everytime they are online. Then you join, facebook, and myspace, the social networking sites.

Well, it went pretty much in that order for my aunt. She has progressed rather quickly to the myspace and facbeook realm. I got a friend request on both facebook and myspace from her. Do I add her was my first question? Sure, she is family, I have nothing to hide (except I'm gay- but it isn't said explicitly anywhere on my facebook or myspace). I have my cousins from all over on my facebook and myspace, but again, they're cousins, they're my age more or less. I feel like adding her will take away some of my privacy.

I don't have anything I'm hiding. I don't have any drunken photos on mine. I don't have any shirtless pool party pics. I don't have any photos of me getting hot and heavy with some chick (or dude for that matter). If my friend makes a gay comment or posts something like photos, so-be-it. I don't care. It isn't a matter of hiding my sexuality. I am pretty sure some of the stuff I've said to people, some of the stuff I've commented on on friend's walls/notes has incriminated me, and with the friend details timeline it is pretty evident to friends who frequent facebook. So is it me worrying my aunt will see this? Not really.

I guess it is just my aunt talks (eh... so in a roundabout way I am hiding my sexuality, but I also feel it is privacy). She saw my myspace about a year ago, then suddenly remembered everything posted, told my mom, and my mom was amused. My mom stays away from social networking sites like the plague because people know too much about you. But anyways, whatever. I didn't have anything incriminating, but I guess I haven't worried since I know my parents won't add me, so when my aunt wants to add me it is a little uncomfortable.

Maybe I have seen what my aunt has written on my cousins walls on facebook and really want to avoid all of this? Quarrels with my cousin and HER friends over little things like this... Comments on every comment my friends make on my wall? That's pretty much what my aunt has done...

Let's set the scenario...

My cousin and the other woman posted on each others walls...
Cousin's friend Melinda: Are we riding motos this weekend?
Cousin: Hell to the yeah. Shirtless and helmetless.
Aunt: Hi Melinda, It's good to hear from and meet you. Hope you are doing well. I know I am a mom, and a mom is still a mom no matter how old you get. When you feel you have good advice who do you want to share it most with but those whom you love. My daughter has alot up there and i want to see it protected, not just for me but for her kids. I just call them mom moments. Love ya daughter!

Cousin's status: Mom keeps posting on my wall
Random friend: lmao! stay away
Aunt: I see that and do not appreciate it

Family Friend's status: Drinkin' my night away, sung to the tune of Drivin' my life Away
Many friends say: cool, right on, hell yeah
Aunt: That is no way to spend a Friday night. please if, you need it, seek some church or alcoholic counseling.

And I just feel my aunt will be reading up on everything I do because she stays at home all day and has nothing else to do.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Mia Lee gone from KCAL

Hard to believe. She has been there since 1997 and well, I've grown up with her. Her boobs, lips, fake tan, bleached hair, all of it. I've heard she may end up at KTLA. They seem to have an abundance of anchors, though.

And speaking of annoying anchors... here's a poll Ron Fineman did about the most annoying anchors in LA. All I have to ask is why is Ohlman coming to KTLA? He is unwatchable in my opinion... sorry, Bruce.


Thursday, September 10, 2009

More jacking off and stuff

Work has been on and off. I expect it to be that way this year. 1 or 2 days a week might be how it goes. So be it. At least I'm making money. I can still tutor at the high school.

I have amazing people looking out for me. Mrs. C from the high school is in my corner wanting me to be a long term sub for a teacher going on maternity leave. She is trying to talk to the right people and get my name out there.

Driving home from work today I was sitting at a stop light about 3-4 miles from where The Guy lives and happen to look over and see Josh in a truck next to me. He was looking at me. He was on the inside turn lane, and I was on the outer, we were both waiting to turn left. He sees me, obviously knows who I am, appears nervous, and then when the light turns green, comes over into my lane and cuts me off. I texted Jeff to see if he did drive that model of truck and he only confirmed that he did.

I find myself feeling sort of alienated from friends/family. Working quite a bit, school, stuff like that keeps me out late. Not working at the high school has separated me from some of my best friends. I love the random texts or calls, and that is sort of dropping off. I'm doing my best to stay into contact with everyone. The Guy is having an extremely difficult time- he hasn't replied to texts, phone messages, stuff like that. I try to text him a few times a week, just let him know I'm thinking of him.

Chatting with a few hotties online, but nothing much more has developed. One guy is 19, very ambitious, and very cute. I gave him my AIM and cell phone number, so we'll see what happens there.

Met up with jack off hottie today. He was in a pair of Hurley board shorts when I got to his place. I pet his dogs and we sit down at the couches. He sits on one and I on the other. We go at it, talk, talk about our hot bodies, stuff we like to do with guys, what we like in guys, and random stuff like that. Then he tells me to come over and stroke him. I stand up, move over to him, stand above him and he jacks me off while I jack him and play with his nipples. He can orgasm he says just by playing with his nipples since they are so sensitive. We jack each other, play with each others nipples, and stuff for a few minutes. Then we both laid back on our couches when we acknowledged each other was close. I let him shoot, then I did. I shot all over my belly, hand, and right thigh. It was much needed relaxation.

11:54P.M. UPDATE
Got a text from Jeff about 20 minutes ago. He just told me "ughhhh he is so annoying" referring to Josh. Then he asked me if Josh was at The Guy's house, to which I responded I didn't know.

I messaged Chris on AIM tonight about 7:30. We had a good chat about work, school, and family. Somehow the conversation went towards sex and he was horny, I was too, but no, we weren't hooking up, more we wanted companionship. He said he had a $2 Starbucks treat ticket and wanted to use it. He invited me over. I accepted. We watched "Chelsea Lately" on the couch while he farmed his Facebook farm. Then we went in his car to Starbucks. He got his pumpkin latte. I got my frappucino. We went back and watched 2 more Chelseas, laughed really hard, argued about hot guys, and then watched a Discovery show he Tivo'd about nature, which was pretty amazing. There was a couple times he put his head in my shoulder and even leaned on my shoulder, which was a little weird feeling. I wasn't going to let it go to sex and there was no reason to think that. He is in a relationship. Had he done something like that I would have politely refused, but that it didn't go there, to me that shows he is a quality and true guy. It was quite fun, though. We both don't like snakes. We both cringed and screamed like girls when we saw the snakes on screen. We hung out until about 10:50, then we both declared bedtime. He walked me out to my car and I returned home.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I have a thing for Michael Buble

He sings great and is just so darn cute!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009


I hate incompetent doctors. I hate doctors who can't make a diagnosis. I hate doctors not willing to own up to something. I hate doctors passing me off. I hate doctors that won't listen to me. I hate doctors who are always on vacation. I hate that this has been going on 3 months. I hate Kaiser. I hate that it takes weeks to get an appointment for a follow-up.

Ok... I feel better... that pretty much sums up my afternoon.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Friday night jack off

I was horny the other night and had been chatting with a guy a few days on A4A- shame, I know. I go from chatting with guys for weeks on end on other sites, then suddenly on this site I lower my standards and it is a matter of days. Kinda... haha... no... actually we both agreed that we were just interested in the same thing, and both agreed that if it wasn't what we wanted, we would leave no hard feelings. Anyways, we both chat, and both want the same thing. We were both just interested in jacking off. I said sure. I gave in. It was 10:30 Friday night, and what else did I have to do?

Next thing I know I'm winding through the streets headed towards downtown. I do get lost- I swear the guy, Scott, told me another street that sounded like something else. I was just 4-5 streets away. No big deal. I get to his place and wait outside. I knew it was finally the right place because it was as he described it- a building that looked like another historical landmark in our city because it was built by the owner.

We shake hands, talk about the weather, then head up to his apartment. He is 42, very toned, 6'2'', 150lbs, 28'' waist, and very little hair on his body. He had dark brown hair parted to the right. He was wearing a t-shirt and black basketball shorts. I follow him up and I had already seen many pictures of him online, but here I realize how hot he was, all thin and tall. We get into his apartment and I love his decorating. His walls are all white, but he has retro/antique furniture all over with 2 leather couches in the living room. He has candles lit all over lighting up the house. He has 2 little daschunds who sit on the couch with us.

He sits on one couch and I sit on the other. He brings out some lube and takes off his shirt. I remove mine and then strip down too. He puts in a porno in the DVD player. We start jacking off, complementing each other on our hot bodies, nice dicks, and the like. We talk about how stroking is just as hot and how just being in the presence of a naked guy is enough. He is about 7'' cut, and much more loosely cut than I am. We try stroking different ways, teasing each other. He says I can touch him or his dick if I want. We move over and both sit on the same couch and start stroking each others dicks. We were both so hard by this time. He was really into nipple play, so I played with his nipples. He shot all over his chest, and I shot all over mine.

He said he definitely wants to get together again. He told me he has been in the area since before the Northridge Earthquake near where I live. He told me about the history of the building he lived in and random stuff like that. It lasted until about midnight.

Good time.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

My dad on drinking

Joe was taken back by my dad's thoughts about me drinking, so I thought I would tell the story...

My cousin told me this story when we met for drinks on Friday.

Last week my cousin and I went to Universal Studios. As I was leaving her house, a big Mexican party was starting in her cul-de-sac at one of the houses. There was a fight and it spilled out onto my uncle's lawn. My uncle went out and hosed the people down to get them off of his golf course quality lawn. He disbursed the crowds quickly I guess.

The next morning I guess to retaliate the people at the party put all of the beer cans in my uncle's trash cans. My cousin took off with her boyfriend shortly after I did, so the logical conclusion was we all went out to drink and then put the evidence in my uncle's trash cans. Logical, right? Well, he doesn't seem to remember the party that was taking place in his cul-de-sac.

Last Sunday morning my uncle finds this and he tells my aunt that my cousin, her boyfriend, and I must have been out drinking. My aunt asked my cousin if I was a drinker, then replied with of course not, I better not be. My uncle was ready to call my dad to tell him what a bad influence I was on my cousin and her boyfriend. I, of course, got a total kick out of this, and my uncle was ready to recommend alcohol rehab for me.

My cousin is 25 and her grandparents (my and and uncle) do not think she drinks. They are very anti-alcohol. My cousin does, her boyfriend does, she just hides it. But um, they have blinders on.

Anyways, so this story was funny, and I wanted to tell my dad to hear his reaction.

I repeated the above story to him, and then he said:
Dad: Benny (my uncle's name). Benny. He should know after hosing the people down they'd be mad and do something to get back at him.
Me: Yep.
Dad: Benny's losing his sense of reasoning in his old age.
Me: Yep.
Dad: Benny should know better. You and your cousin don't drink. I know that.
Me: mhmmmm
Dad: It's not that you just don't drink, but you guys are good kids.
Me: mhmmm
Dad: Now not that you can't drink, but I know you guys don't. I know Benny has taught your cousin well, and I have taught you well.
Me: mhmmmm
Dad: Drinking is up to you and I'd hope that you wouldn't do it.
Me: I see...

Saturday, September 5, 2009


Went to a luau my friend John's parents threw. Got to talk to John, and we're still cool, although The Mike's and I aren't. That was important for me to hear, and I really appreciated since I've felt so alienated from everyone lately.

I am always amazed who shows up at their parties. I'm thankful we're invited often because I really enjoy them and know my parents do too.

They smoked a pig on a spit, there was corn on the cob, cheesecake, fruit salad, the best potato salad ever, and barbacoa y tortillas. Soooo good. The barbacoa and potato salad is what filled my plate.

One of the guys there is a home brewer and made several gallons of some beer for the party. It was citrusy. Though my parents were around, they were so far away at the other end of the yard I drank it. It was a citrusy beer, which was nice and perfect for the food we were eating. I decided I could and would continue drinking with my parents there- I was being daring- I just occasionally had a Sprite and poured it in the cup once I was done with the beer. John and I again just talked about the CBEST and mainly me subbing. He was really interested in that and how I have a reputation with the kids for being strict. He invited a girl over and was interested in her after that, but we stood around smoking, drinking, and talking for a while in the side yard away from our parents before she came over and got to catch up somewhat. I was so worried I'd get caught, and I am sure my dad saw me over at the home brew a couple times. Oh well. We were just talking earlier today about how he knows I don't drink, but knows it is my choice.

After we ate and talked we played poker. John and I were at different tables. I was at the sober, conservative adult table. He was at the smoking and drinking table. I started playing poker with my parents, then 4-5 other adults. I HAVE TO ADMIT I HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO PLAY POKER. EVERYTIME I PLAY I NEED A REFRESHER AND EVERY HAND I'M LIKELY TO, ALSO. I have follow the queen, Texas hold 'em, and high and low down as of now. But seriously, I'm not a fan. I will avoid playing like the plague, and today was no exception, but I must have been relaxed because of the beer and other stuff. We played a few games, then had a dessert break. My parents quit playing and went to talk with some of the people there. I kept playing, although I really didn't want to, but there was nobody to take my seat. I somehow kept winning and winning and winning. There was a $2 buy-in I forgot to mention. A few more breaks and more playing, and many new people at our table. Finally about 10:30 (5 hours later) we decide to split the pot 3 ways and I won $8. OMG. Seriously I had no clue what I was doing. We made such conservative bets. Each time we said we would only raise it like 1 or 2 chips- I wish we were doing big bets as I would have quickly played my chips and lost to avoid embarrassment of not knowing how to play etc.. The women at the table deemed that I had a "poker face," had they only heard of the song. We annoyed the other table so much by playing so conservatively. I can still see chips flashing in front of my eyes. My gawd, not my thing.

John's dad kept coming around and playing. He was hilarious. Constantly drinking 3-4 different alcoholic beverages, smoking a cigar, and cigarettes even though he is not a smoker either. He was joking he knew how to smoke cigarettes because he enjoys a cigar every once in a while, and at one point he was smoking 2 or 3 different cigarettes at once.

Everyone was in Hawaiian shirts, which was cool. We had all types of alcohol. Rum and coke, homemade sangrĂ­a (which I never got around to trying), all sorts of imported beers, and the home brew. Most of the people there were smokers, which was not cool.

John took off or something and was nowhere to be found when it was time to leave. We said goodbye to John's parents and took off.

Good weekend so far

Major drinkage this weekend, much needed drinkage btw... 2 margaritas, a strawberry and cadillac margarita with my cousin, her friend Laura, and boyfriend at a Mexican restaurant

Tomorrow or Monday might be the LA County Fair

Speaking of the LA Co. Fair I want to see LeAnn Rimes and Pat Benatar there.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Another woman

My mom, aunt in OK, and I have all been talking a lot recently

My older 30+ year old cousin, who I have posted before is a lesbian is having issues. My mom said that "aunt in OK is concerned that Cousin is spending her weekends riding motorcycles with another woman." My response to my mom was OK. My mom's response was she was seeing the woman for sex and that she was neglecting her kids. I said that what she does sexually is not my business, but that I do have a problem with her neglecting her kids.

I talked to my aunt in OK yesterday and she told me my cousin (the same cousin) is spending time with a woman.
I said "oh, that's great, I'm glad she is happy" since my cousin had already told me. My aunt said, "no, she's having relations with this woman." I said, "well, as long as she is happy I'm not one to judge." My aunt went on about how the Bible says it is wrong and quoted scriptures that said it was wrong. I had the guts to tell her that I didn't care what the Bible said, I think that it is more important that we accept her and treat her with respect. She hasn't changed as a person. My aunt said that she can't accept that lifestyle because her kids are now interested in women, and that is not normal. I said I had to disagree. I think my cousin is the best parent that she can be; she has had several difficult years; she is holding it together. I doubt lesbianism comes from her doing what she is doing.

I probably ruffled a few feathers, but I needed to say something... now if I could only stand up for myself.

Road names

XM Satellite Radio has local traffic reports. I have heard them. They are usually not up to date according to most people, but what is funny is street pronunciations. I was talking to my neighbor, Mr. G ,the other day and he was talking about how they weren't up to date, but since the traffic reporters are in Washington D.C., they aren't familiar with the pronunciations of LA streets. He gave lots of street names that most Angelinos would be familiar with, but how they massacre the pronunciations.

La Cienega, La see-nee-guh, La see-in-ig-uh
Cahuenga, Kuhwhenga, Kuh-wang-uh
Sepulveda, Seepoleveeduh, Sup-ol-veduh

And being the history, interesting fact, nerd guy I am, here's some interesting street facts in LA and how they got their names...

Centinela Ave. - Spanish for "Centinel," the name given to the fortress-like hill which overlooks Westchester and Inglewood.
Cesar E. Chavez Ave. - Mexican-American activist who co-founded the United Farmworkers Union and inspired empowerment and social justice for Mexican-Americans.
Figueroa St. - Spanish for "Grasshopper street." During the Spanish-era pueblo days, there were farms (and grasshoppers) along the street.
La Brea Ave. - Spanish for "The Tar." The street, from Hollywood to Baldwin Hills, runs over an old oil field.
La Cienega Ave. - Spanish for "The Swamp," where this part of what was to be West L.A. was swampland.
La Tijera Ave. - Spanish for "The Scissors." La Tijera, a diagonal street, cris-crosses several major thoroughfares like a pair of scissors.
Lankershim Blvd. - Isaac Lankershim (1819-1882), agriculturalist who helped make the San Fernando Valley a successful farming region.
Mulholland Dr. - William Mulholland (1855-1935), Built the Los Angeles Aqueduct in the 1920s to bring water to the city, which allowed it to grow into the metropolis we know today. Also established the Department of Water and Power (DWP).
Olympic Blvd. - Obviously named after the Olympiad, but not in 1932 -- Los Angeles previously bid for the games in 1928 (eventually losing out to Amsterdam) and re-named the former 10th St. in the heat of Olympic-mania.
Pico Blvd. - Pio Pico (1801-1894), former governor of Mexican-Era California.
Sepulveda Blvd. - Named after the prominent Spanish Mexican family who owned numerous ranchos around Southern California.
Sherman Way. - Moses Hazeltine Sherman (1853-1932), land developer who built a streetcar line and owned property in the San Fernando Valley and Hollywood. Also served on the Los Angeles Water Board.
Slauson Ave. - Jonathan Sayre Slauson (1829-1905), entrepreneur, developer and Board of Education member. Founded the town of Azusa.
Van Nuys Blvd. - Isaac N. Van Nuys (1835-1923), farmer who developed wheat fields in the San Fernando Valley along with his father-in-law, Isaac Lankershim.
Wilshire Blvd. - H. Gaylord Wilshire (1861-1927), entrepreneur, failed politician and inventor and socialist who founded the town of Fullerton as well as developed the street that bears his name.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009


This is a photo of 1 of 3 shopping carts on a recent Costco trip with my mom. $300 worth of groceries to last for the next 2-3 weeks in her classroom. $300 of her own money. Money that could be spent on something we do as a family, on me, my sister, etc. I know this year my mom will likely be spending this much every other month on keeping her classroom stocked for the students. Her students really are lucky that she cares so much and spends this money on them to teach them to cook. But sometimes I just hate it when my parents say "we can't do this, we have to buy _______ for our classroom."

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Universal Boy

Remember my cousin's friend that asked about my underwear the other day?
I was thinking of searching for him on facebook the other day, but he beat me to it.
He sent me a friend request yesterday morning. I added him and didn't think much of it.
He lives 70 miles away in Burbank.
He is my cousin's friend. My cousin doesn't know I'm gay. But he was obviously interested.
Anyways, he is cute. He is 5'10 or so, probably 170lbs, brown hair with a mix of gray, and gorgeous blue eyes.
I decided since he did show interest I'd shoot him a message this morning, and did. Waiting for his response...

7:48 Edit: He sent a comment on facebook, which was basically how he is looking for work and busy applying for jobs. I just replied to him and wished him the best of luck.

He also sent me a private message on facebook asking if I'll be in his area anytime soon. I told him there are definite possibilities that I may, and wouldn't hesitate to message him.