Saturday, August 30, 2008

Mission: Find sister

My sister's best friend is home on leave from the NAVY right now, so my parents gave her permission to hang out with her despite what happened last month. On Thursday night she was allowed to go out from 5:30-8p.m. Friday night she was allowed to go out from 4p.m.-9p.m. We said that she was to call us at 9p.m. from the home phone, meaning she is at home (and I could see she was home via the caller ID on my cell).

My mom, dad, and I won tickets to see Frankie Valli and the 4 Seasons at Soboba Casino last night. This is my mom's FAVORITE GROUP OF ALL TIME (we've seen them 4 times already). Frankie Valli's voice is amazing, seriously. The 4 Seasons? OMG... what hot, buff guys, and great voices. So we enjoy the concert. It is 2 hours of Frankie Valli and the 4 Seasons nonstop.

The concert ends at 10p.m. We call my sister, then make our way into the casino to gamble. It was so crowded as the concert had just let out and Soboba is a small casino. My mom, dad, and I each played $10. I sit down at Pot of Gold- 1 of my most favorite slots, a 2 cent machine. I deposit my dollar and I kept getting a bonus play. I eventually ended up with about 10. Suddenly I had 6300 credits. I was thinking to myself does that mean $63.00? Being a little hesitant about losing however much money that was I decided to cash out the ticket and it was $63.29. I was shocked. I played some more on that machine and won $4-5. I spent most of my money there. I'm getting better at sitting down at 1 machine and just playing it. I eventually go to find my mom who is at the 1 cent slot machine and is losing all of her money. I play the slot next to her and win $4.00 off of $1.00. HA. Then we go to find my dad who in 1 hour only spent $2.00 playing 1 slot- some card game. My dad didn't win anything and neither did my mom.

We get in the car at 12:00a.m. and call my sister. She doesn't pick up the phone at home. She doesn't pick up her cell. I get a call about 10 minutes after we left the casino asking what I want. We asked where she was and her responses were vague like "nunya," "at a friend's house," and stuff like that. It wasn't going to fly with my mom, dad, or me. So we employed Operation Find Sister. We didn't know whose house she was at, but only know my sister has a couple friends. We went to the first girl's house and didn't see my sister's car. Second house and no sister. Finally, after the last incident my mom has requested the cell phone numbers of all my sister's friends. We started down the list with who she thought she was with. Her friend Jen. My mom calls Jen's cell phone. Jen picks up. Jen plays the same game my sister did and didn't tell where she was. My mom said that she was outside Jen's house in her car and if she had to go up to the door and wake her parents up she didn't think it would go over well. Jen laughed. My mom hung up and called again this time saying she was Jen's mom and slightly disguising her voice. Jen bought it. Jen said they were at the mall.

We roll down to the mall and find my sister's car and Jen's car there by the JCPenney. Imaginary Boytoy was there too and was standing outside my sister's car grinding up against it with her. Sister laying up on the hood. What a nasty site. I lost my appetite. The boy is not hot. He's a full 14'' taller than my sister and not at all cute. My mom told my sister to get in the car and that she was going home. My parents then finished breaking up the scene. Jen was told to get home and my mom called her parents to let them know what was going on, they were equally concerned and thanked my parents profusely for taking the initiative to go and find them. Sister's boytoy wasn't going to tell us his phone number and sister wasn't going to give it. Sister was in the back seat of the car crying, telling us how we "disrespected her privacy." Imaginary Boytoy said he was parked at the movie theater and wasn't going to cooperate. He ran off and that was the end of that. All the way home my sister and parents talked about the issue while I drove, pretending not to listen, but enjoying every minute of it.

Sister can't see her best friend, sister has lost driving privileges to the train station, and sister has lost her car keys. Boytoy supposedly meets my sister on Friday's at her college. Sis has 1 lab class Friday from 10-12p.m. Sister has been told she will not be hanging around at school all day. The first train she can take after her class leaves at 1p.m. I think I may be more than willing to pick her up from the train at 2p.m....

I was having serious doubts last night she'd make it to her 19th birthday in 2 weeks... My sister tends to be babied by my dad. My mom has not babied her, thank god. I never was babied. I am very capable of doing anything- cooking, cleaning, everyday tasks like making doctors appointments, helping in the family in any way that I can. My sister has the biggest attitude and will only do something if dad asks. When she does do something it is always half-assed. She has to be told DAILY to unload the dishwasher, and 90% of the time there is something left like silverware or the cups because she got too lazy or too tired. When someone calls- say Kaiser calls and needs to leave a message my sister has no clue what to do. She'll write down messages like "Barbara called" and will not get a number or she'll leave a number and say it was the vet when it was really Kaiser. Does she do this out of spite? Who knows. She distances herself from everyone. Her maturity is years behind mine. And with things that she has done to me over the years- I don't feel a bit sorry and think she does need my mom and dad to hold her in line. I honestly believe she is one of those.

Update: My sister's friend Jen is in big trouble for lying about her whereabouts- she told her parents they were going to the bowling alley, not in a parking lot at the mall. Sister's friend has also lost driving and phone privileges. Sister's friend has been grounded for a month. Jen's sister is my age and gave me the 4-1-1 on all of this.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Bribing me

The Guy IM'd me about 7p.m. last night. I had just got home from the gym. At the gym I was thinking about how I hadn't hung out with him. I really didn't think I would yesterday. It was 8p.m. and I didn't want to drive 40 minutes to his place. I had to work today afterall, and get up at 5:30a.m.

The Guy was asking me to come over to help him put his kitchen back together. His painting, speakers, and lighting project is all done. I said I wasn't going to come over. He said ok, but he would order pizza. I said I ate a huge dinner. He said he was desperate. I joked how he was being the older guy trying to take advantage of me like the therapist mentioned the other day. He was being sarcastic and agreed he was indeed doing that. I was a horny fella, so I said I might come, but only if he would give me a nice hand job, blow job, or something else. In the car on the way over I was texting him about how horny I was. He laughed and said he was whoring himself out for help.

When I got over there Brett was helping him in the office move stuff out of there and into the kitchen. The Guy and him had taken most of the food items out of the office. We hugged and got to work. We briefly asked how each other was doing, but nothing beyond a typical how are you because Brett was around. The Guy had a great day and I had an ok day. We built a bookcase for the office. It was black and one of those funky modern ones. We spent about 2 hours assembling that. The Guy did most of the assembling and I handed him the pieces. In the meantime I also put orange oil on all the old bookcases. We ate some pizza in from Round Table while hanging out. We move the new bookcase into the office and put it up against the wall that had books. Then we move the old bookcase from The Guy's grandpa over where the computer tower used to sit. We move the computer tower over under the desk where The Guy sits. The Guy really likes how moving his grandpa's bookcase works out. He likes where the new bookcase is. It is 11p.m. by then.

Brett really wasn't wanting to fool around. The Guy and I started sucking each other. I began sucking him and moved myself around on the bed so he could jack me off, play with my dick and suck me. Brett eventually came to play and we kissed, I sucked him for a moment, but he focused on The Guy playing with his nipples, sucking them, and stuff like that. He also gave The Guy a body rub, rubbing his legs and feet. The Guy and I fooled around some more. I was the only one to get off, The Guy jacked me off. Then we hop in the shower and I take off about 12:00a.m. I get home at 12:40 and am up at 5:30. YAY!

Great day at work btw... easy day... easy pay... met lots of new people... got caught up on my e-mail.... got to e-mail fellow bloggers... catch up on the latest entertainment news... the all important breaking news... and I had a nice lunch... a chicken and avocado sandwich...

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Therapist after dog sitting

The Guy asked me to dog sit on Friday. He asked if I had anything going on Monday and Tuesday. I didn't give him an answer because I didn't know if I was going to be called to work Monday, I didn't know what time The Guy wanted me, and my painting project wasn't done as of Friday. I managed to get the painting job done. I called The Guy Sunday night and confirmed. It was on. I was glad to get out of the house, especially as a big family issue is coming to head.

I had some nice conversation with him on the phone on Monday like old times. He was on his way to AAA to get his vehicle registration that expired back in March. We chat about everything under the sun I think.

Then I go over to his place about 7. I spend my evening watching my new favorite show "Making News: Savannah Style." I took the dog for a walk. The Guy called me to ask if I saw the $50 gift card on the counter he left for me. I didn't. I walked in and UPS was there asking me to sign for a package. Then I walked into the bedroom because the dog was in his pen whining. He heard me talking to the UPS guy I guess. I completely missed the card on the counter. The Guy also told me to look for the Office 2008 disc for my sister since he wasn't able to set it up so I could easily put it on her computer. I couldn't find that and he joked that I was blind.

I hung around watching more "Making News," then around 1p.m. I had to take off to go to the therapist (about the whole sexual assault incident.) Today was my last free session. It was not pretty- the therapist was worried I wouldn't come back and basically explained to me he was trying to be Mr. Fix It. He asked me what I had done this week and I explained how I've been helping my dad, pet sat at The Guy's, went with Gonzo to the mall last week, and things like that. He said that people are taking advantage of me basically. He basically told me I need to find new friends. Gonzo was taking advantage of me because she doesn't like to drive freeways and I gave her a ride to the mall. I said I didn't see it like that because we were just hanging out and this took a lot of planning because of her wacky schedule. He said older guys like to take advantage of me- my dad and The Guy. I said NOOO. I'm helping my dad and taking him around to the VA and other necessary places because he can't. Then The Guy is too because he's older and his power over me. I was furious and walked out. I talked to The Guy on the phone and we talked about this- he was driving home from San Diego and I was driving home from this lunatic's office. I don't think I'm being taken advantage of- Gonzo and I were merely hanging out, something we don't do enough. There was no pressure from The Guy- he said he could have taken the dog with him or had Jeff take care of him. I basically told The Guy how I thought about it and don't think I'm being taken advantage of, but was sorry about unloading on him, but that's what was going on when he called. I called him and left a message tonight letting him know the therapist was basically worried I wouldn't come back and he wanted me to be sure I'm not being taken advantage of with my friends. I am good at knowing when I am. I don't consider the incident with Gonzo that... or The Guy because there was reciprocation- The Office disc and $50.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Thanks for that 4a.m. wakeup call, Mr. Obama

I am not going to go into my personal politics on here, but I was curious. Who was Obama going to choose? When was he going to choose? Text message- that idea seemed kind of cool. So even though I was over my text message limit for the month I wanted to know to see if I got the text at the same time everyone else did, things like that. I signed up Tuesday afternoon. I got a ton of e-mails that day and in the coming days from Mr. Obama. Last night before I went to bed I read reports that Obama had chosen Biden. At 4:18 this morning my phone starts sounding with the annoying sort of polyphonic ringtone sound that the iPhone has alerting me there is a text message. And he chose Biden. Why do it in the middle of the night? Personally, I don't like being woken up in the middle of the night by anything. Especially text messages. More than anything, this annoyed me. I think it would have been cool to maybe do in the middle of the day on Saturday when it is pretty busy, people are out, cell phones start going off and people start talking about who Obama picked. Anyways, that wakeup call was not worth it. I was hoping for a surprise.

Oh, by the way, I got my e-mail about Obama's pick at 2:34a.m.

And for the record I looked up the zip code for Miami Florida when I entered my information on Barack's website just because I presumed people on the east coast would find out before us people 3,000 miles away and 3 time zones away on the west coast.

Friday, August 22, 2008


Last night I had a truly difficult night. I was exhausted, but could not fall asleep due to emotions, nerves, and things of that sort. It was 2 or 3a.m. before I fell asleep and I e-mailed The Guy something and wanted a response about. I had to get up at 6:30a.m. to go to my mom's school and help her out. Not a good night's sleep.

There was also another thing that was upsetting me from last night that I didn't tell The Guy about. My dad in the past week has become wheelchair bound. We're not sure if it is temporary or permanent. He's having a lot of medical issues, but our house is not wheelchair accessible at all and so this has created extra stress on me like helping him up the stairs into the house, making dinner, me doing things like taking out the trash, carrying heavy things, whatever. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying this has added to the physical and emotional strain when I'm already having a lot to deal with.

The Guy calls me at 9:30 and we agree to hang out after 2 something. He didn't go to work today. Bad boy, he is.

I get to his place and the door is locked. Surprise. I knock and he answers. He was laying down sleeping. I notice his cabinets are hung. They look awesome. They have a 3 inch border, then indentation and are really great quality. We compared his to Home Depot's today. He showed me the plaster and painting in the living room. It looks amazing and I was raving about how good it looks. We also discussed paint colors and what color to paint what trim. An off white or bright white. We decided bright white.

The Guy talks about needing the hardware for his cabinets, so we crowd into the office (his kitchen was also in there) and look at door knobs. We go to lowes and We decide to go to Lowes. I get the directions and we go there. We spend about an hour in there. The Guy suddenly decides he needs to replace all the door handles in his house and spends $120 for 4. Then he decides he needs new dimmer switches because he doesn't like the ones Alfonso just bought. That's another $120. Then The Guy decides he wants new knobs for the closet doors. He finds new knobs he likes for the hall closets and bathroom. We unscrewed the knobs to those before we left so he could replace them. The unfortunate problem was they were out of stock and had to be ordered. He ordered 1 door knob for the bathroom to see if he liked it. The kitchen door knobs he wanted- half moon shaped for the double cabinet doors and rectangular for the pull out drawers weren't in stock and had to be ordered also and shipped to him. He did that. He took a picture of them and sent to Matt and Zach. Zach said that the knobs were TERRIBLE. They looked like they were the Golden Girls house from the 1980s.

Also at Lowes I look for face plates for my electrical plugs in my room since I've been busy painting my room this week. I think white is the safest bet right now.

We go to Home Depot after deliberating whether or not to go to another Lowes. Home Depot has a poor selection of knobs. In there, The Guy talked about how his hopes of those fun knobs were destroyed because of Zach. Zach said the accessories are where The Guy is supposed to have his fun, but have a fun kitchen. I disagreed and we talked about that in the car as The Guy texted and called Zach and Matt.

The Guy and I went to the AT&T store because he is having terrible reception issues with his iPhone. They gave him a new SIM card. The Guy said however he should just buy a new phone and solve that problem and will probably do that. Geez... if I had that kind of money.

On the way home from Home Depot the NY Pizza place was nearby and The Guy deliberated whether or not we should have pizza. I said I didn't know, I wasn't hungry. He decided we would. The line was out the door for the pizza place. The Guy gets on his cell phone and calls in the order and is helped within a minute- what a plan! We get a garlic and cheese pizza. In the 10 minutes waiting for it we go to the ice cream shop next door and he gets a chocolate malt. He deliberated about wanting one of those, but I told him I wasn't saying yes or no he could or couldn't.

We get home and eat the pizza in the office. We watch the olympics on his computer. We watch the relays and he keeps telling me how the girls lost and how he knows everything that was going to happen and hated to ruin it for me, but he knew. We eat and talk about random stuff. Then The Guy plays some Warhammer since he got into the online beta. He shows me the characters he has. We talk about how ugly the male characters are. The Guy's dog is driving us insane while we're in there. He won't sit down, he is running from room to room, trying to lick the plates. Finally I take the plates into the kitchen and solve the problem. We probably spent 2-3 hours in there- from 5-7p.m. at least.

The Guy makes a comment about how reliant he was on the couch and how comfy it was. He said we should go lay down. I agreed. We get his laptop so he can play more Warhammer and I selected a movie on appleTV. I chose "Casanova" after his recommendation of needing a happy, cute movie without any deaths. I almost fall asleep a couple times, but stay awake to manage to see it all.

Then The Guy asks about 9p.m. when the movie ends when the last time was I got off. He said I need to get off before I get home and he pulled his shorts down and got on the bed for me to suck his dick. I pulled mine down and he sucked me off. We sucked each other, he jacked me off, hit my dick against my stomach, squeezed it, and other random stuff. Then I shot my load on my chest and he shot his on his chest. We needed to shower afterward so hopped in. Then we talked about how he is probably going to start dating Matt and things like that and wanted to reassure me of our friendship and though the sex might be gone, we're still great friends. He talked about how he is not sure about how a long distance relationship with Matt will work because he is down in San Diego. He said however he thinks it could because of the train and Matt can do work on it, The Guy meditates in the car while driving down there. He talked about how he might be going down there more often and may ask me to pet sit more. He said he doesn't want to burden me with that- just like when I need away from the parents and stuff, let him know, and if I can't do it, no big deal.

We hugged after we got out. I had a bad allergy attack where I began my usual 5-10 sneezes at his house, then my eyes today started watering. I told The Guy and he comes running with Visine. I had him put the eyedrops in because I never do that for myself. I always close my eye. Having the drops go in hurts like a mother.

After my eyes cleared up, we hugged for a good minute or so and then playfully kissed each other on the necks. We talked about how much we appreciated each other.

Coming home I felt really great- my confidence felt through the roof, and that felt great.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Shopping with Gonzo

When Gonzo and I went to McDonalds the other day we decided Thursday we should go to the outlet mall and shop. I was looking forward to that. I picked her up from LA Fitness at 10a.m. this morning and we headed off. On the way over she encouraged me to sing to the songs on the radio because she knows I like to. We sang the Fray's "How to Save a Life" and talked about random stuff.

We went and had our transfat at Burger King. The fries were really good though, and I'm usually not a fry person. We walked around the mall going into Abercrombie and Fitch and Hollister. I was very tempted to buy a green argyle print sweater at Hollister for $25.00. I decided against it however since we just started looking. We went into Journeys, Charlotte Russe, and a bunch of other stores she and I like. We spent a lot of time in the Lucky Brand Store where we were both looking for Lucky Jeans. Didn't have my size.

We went to Banana Republic and I spent a lot of time looking at their winter clothes. They had pullover zip sweaters for $15.00 and so I got a light blue one after Gonzo and I discussed how to wear it and with what. Then I showed her sweaters I like and how I have the worst time trying to match stuff- maybe I'm color blind, but I have a hard time matching anything if it is not a solid color, and even sometimes that is hard. So we picked up a sweater and she walked around showing me what would match and encouraged me to try more wild things. In the back on clearance they had an aqua blue/green buttondown khaki sort of shirt that she said would look really good, so I plopped another $15 down for that.

Down the way was GAP and I found a dark gray sweater. We went back to Banana Republic to find a matching dress shirt for it. Found one, but have a coupon for non clearance items from them online, so wrote down the item number and came home to buy it. We went in Nordstrom Rack and probably spent 45 minutes where Gonzo bought some gray and blue striped shirts and sweaters.

We went in Forever 21 and Gonzo made me try on those glasses that are popular now with the lines going through them. She snapped a couple photos on her phone. She took a couple of me and of course they had to go on facebook and myspace.

The car ride back home was fun also. We talked about school and sang more.

Definitely taking her shopping with me in the future- I was daring today and plus she is good at figuring out what matches.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Dinner at The Elephant Bar

Just got back from dinner with The Guy. He texted me several times today asking if we could do dinner earlier. I said sure. At 4:30 he calls me and says to come over whenever. I get to his place at 5:30 and Alfonso is there working on the house. I also see that Brett is too helping move everything out of The Guy's kitchen cabinets. We all work for over an hour moving the boxes. The Guy throws out about half of the stuff in his kitchen to eat. We put it in boxes of Charmin and paper towels that we found that he was storing. At about 7 we all finish.

The Guy says bye to Brett and I do too. The Guy tries to fix the voicemail thing on his home phone. He wants no voicemails at all. He doesn't listen to them. haha

We drive to dinner. On the way over The Guy talks about a new gym he is going to join that is VERY upscale, but his friend Ronnie is a personal trainer there and the personal training is much more personal. They have a guarantee about reaching your fitness results, etc. He told Josh he might have to do that, but they would still be friends. The Guy pays $50 per training session with Josh.

We get to the restaurant and The Guy tells me all about Ben. Ben is seeing someone, finally called him, and has had a change of heart and feels and realizes how nice The Guy was to him. They hung out Thursday night, went to dinner at the Elephant Bar, then went to the Farmers Market for cheesecake and stuff for cocktails at The GUy's place. They had lots of good sex Thursday night, then hung around in bed Friday morning.

Friday night The Guy; a friend of his who is now 24 named Matt, who The Guy met before he moved from San Diego; Zach; and his boyfriend Justin went to Vegas in an Audi that The Guy rented. They had to upgrade their room to a very expensive suite because Zach brought Justin. Anyways, The Guy worked all day Saturday. Saturday night they went out partying and clubbing. Matt is a huge party animal and met everyone in the bar when he was drunk. The Guy told me how, like me, he feels normal and like he doesn't have to be anyone special, which isn't the case with Ben. He talked about how Zach and Justin fell asleep and he had sex twice that night with Matt. They had to do it quietly. I didn't believe him. I can't imagine doing that. Did it hurt me to hear him talk about the sex? Sure- because I enjoyed sex with The Guy a lot, but his friendship means more than the sex. I want to be the best friend I can and I do enjoy hearing about what he does and what is going on in his life. I like that we can both be so open with each other. And as I've said before a friend like that is worth so much more than the sex. I like knowing that I can be that friend he can confide in and tell things like this to without having to worry that everyone is going to find out or judge him.

We talked about me and my life and guys. Nothing really exciting to mention there- you can see all that is going on in my life in the last post- I'm painting stuff.

We finished up dinner- it was about $50.00. We had lettuce wraps, I had the French onion soup, and the salmon with a ginger sauce. The Guy had the lettuce wraps, salad, and Mongolian beef.

As we got up to leave, The Guy thanked me for like the 100th time, saying how happy and fantastic everything looked when he got home. He likes how he can just leave and not worry. He looked like he was going to cry. I know he appreciates it and I really appreciated hearing him thank me. It really made me feel special.

Went back to his place and he showed me the Warcraft Beta he got into. The characters in the game suck, but we had fun watching each other. I showed him pictures of guys I've been chatting with via connexion or other dating sort of site.

We chatted about our iPhone experiences. Both of us aren't the happiest when it comes to reception, dropped calls, and things like that. Everything was erased off of my phone when I did the firmware upgrade today.

I left about 9:40 because Josh was coming over to meditate with The Guy because he was so upset after just breaking up with his girlfriend.

The Guy wants to hang out Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday- he's not sure, but he wants to do dinner again.

The photo edition update

Spent Friday and Saturday nights dog sitting for The Guy. The Guy went to Vegas with his friends Zach and Justin. He rented an Audi A6 to go up there and do stuff for his dad's shop. He worked all day Saturday and went out Saturday night. Got a text from him at 10:30p.m. after he was out at a club asking how we were- we meaning the dog and I. I texted him back that I didn't think things were going too well. That was one message. The second message I sent was saying I think the dog was mad at me. Then the third message was because I was eating a delicious cheesecake and he wasn't. I knew The Guy would probably call worried since I was stalling and having my fun kidding around with him. He was probably drinking, so I was being facetious and trying to cause problems. He didn't reply. I left his place about 12 on Sunday. I actually didn't hang around his house on Saturday like he expected me to. I left his place at 7:55a.m. Saturday and returned at 5:30p.m. The dog was fine. I went out to celebrate my dad's birthday with him. I did take his doggy for a walk as you can see in the nearby park twice.

This is a picture of The Guy's house. He is going to paint the wall from this yellow because it clashes with the maroon and paint it the white/cream color you see in the background to go with the maroon wall. This yellow paint has been up as long as I've known him and it doesn't match, but I really love the color.

Today I had breakfast at McDonalds with Gonzo. We chatted for over 2 hours. Got there at 9:45 and left at 12. I questioned her about her relationship with her boyfriend, she asked about me and guys. I told her some details. There was a guy who I went out with once before in the gym who was staring at me the other day. Nice guy, but we're at different stages. His name was Matt. I texted Gonzo when I left to tell her and she had to do some snooping around the gym to figure out who he was. OMG. Embarrassing. HAHA. We're going shopping at a HUGE outlet mall on Thursday.

The Guy wants to take me to dinner tonight or tomorrow night at an expensive restaurant to thank me for taking care of his dog the past 2 weekends. I'm thinking Elephant Bar or somewhere else. I am not going to be shy in asking him to go somewhere expensive because he can afford it and I have done a lot for him lately. I am a friend, but I think a nice expensive dinner would be a good reparation.

Speaking of painting projects- here is Mike's project. I'm painting my room tomorrow. This is just the start of a huge project- painting the whole house. We bought the paint as a test to make sure we liked it before we decide to do the whole house in it. Our house is retro 70s. Parents have lived in the house since the 70s. We repainted the house after a house fire in 1992, but the wallpaper remains. Wallpaper everywhere- bright yellow flowery wallpaper in the kitchen, yellow and blue with flowers in the bathroom (the bathroom was redone in 96, but my mom kept the 70s theme going). The bathroom used to have a really cool red, velvet wallpaper and people said it made the bathroom look like it was fit for a king. I miss it; but I digress. Anyways, in an effort to get our house ready to sell we're painting. The wallpaper will all be coming down much to my mom's shagrin.
The wallpaper you see in this photo will be gone, but we didn't tell my mom that. We just tried to match the wallpaper to make her happy. The wallpaper in the kitchen is going down right before the cabinets come in. There are going to be lots of accidental rips and tears in it. There already have been some. My dad and I had a "mishap" with the wall when we took out some furniture out of the house a few weeks back and a large bit of wallpaper came with us. We really want to make the jump from the 70s to more of a modern look to make the house more easier to rent out.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

I have a tendency to think in Spanish

I'm studying Spanish and will be receiving a minor in it- so yes, I do watch Spanish TV. I have been known to watch Baywatch en EspaƱol and movies. Most recently I've watched TItanic, Lion King, and Homeward Bound in Spanish. I am able to pick up 95% of the words often and understand what is being said.

In the car, being the nerd I am, I sometimes think about how a song would translate into Spanish and I try to translate myself...
then I found this on youtube.

Rihanna- Take a Bow

There were some difficult words in this song actually- reverenciate- take a bow, regaderas- sprinklers,

I Don't Want to Miss a Thing - Aerosmith with Spanish lyrics

No Air- Jordin Sparks - actually sung in Spanish by some girl and it is called Sin Aire

Chris Brown's song "With You" with Spanish lyrics

Mariah Carey's "Hero" en Espanol

Monday, August 11, 2008


I got home from a doctor's appointment at 12:30 and The Guy had IM'd me asking if I wanted to come over and watch the olympics. My AIM showed I was idle for about 3 hours, but he left me about 5 messages telling me why he was annoyed and what he was doing. I first had to tell him about my doctor's visit and he had to tell me what a tool my doctor is. The Guy was amazed at the level of stupidity my doctor has. My doctor deduced that because I have a high pulse I need counseling. I have had a high pulse for YEARS. Part of the problem is that I have a deviated septum, but we both chuckled about this for a while. Finally at 1:00p.m. he asked me again if I wanted to come over.

I get over about 1:30 and I open up the door to go in his house, but the door is locked. He is sitting on the couch I can see and telling me to come in. I tell him it is locked. I stand at the door and make faces through the screen and act like I'm crying. He opens the door and we go in the living room. His laptop is nowhere in sight. He is just watching the olympics. We sit on the couch and watch the men's tennis competition with. The Guy comments how bad the commentator is for bagging on Roger Federer for his age. We both become annoyed at Federer in the competition because he's not hitting the ball back and forth to his opponent- the hot guy... don't recall his name. The Guy and I sit under the cover and the dog snuggles up in between us. We comment on how cute it was. The Guy was sitting there yawning and eventually fell asleep. I dozed off too in the last minute or 2 of the men's tennis match, so we both missed who won. I dozed until about 20 minutes into the women's handball competition. That was pretty interesting. I like the olympics because the events go by quickly and don't drone on. I can handle them. I have watched more of the olympics this year than in my whole life. The Guy wakes up near the end of the handball thing.

We chat about Michael Phelps and other things like that. He talks about how he is so into the US, the olympics, and the whole US Pride thing. He really is!!! I am shocked. The Guy used to swim, play water polo, and fence, but is not a sports fan that I have noticed. Since it was Tivo'd, The Guy and I go through the women's volleyball competition in a matter of minutes just making sure the Americans won. Fast forward in Tivo is awesome.

We're both snacky at 4:00p.m. and go to the Farmer's Market. In the car he calls Joe who had called him earlier. We make fun of Joe who wants to join us for dinner and keeps asking where. Joe didn't hear we were buying food.

We get in the market and they don't have anything The Guy wants. He buys their version of hummus, but they don't have the cole slaw dressing and cole slaw he wants, cherries for his smoothies, and things like that. He talks about how his life sucks and how disappointed he is. I just kind of laugh. We get lunch meats, mustard, Indian potatoes, pasta, eggs, and mashed potatoes. We call Joe and he says he is on his way to The Guy's. We hang up and he calls right back saying he is on his way. We make fun of him for feeling the need to call twice and blames it on The Guy's faulty iPhone. On the way home we try to "race" a guy in a Ford Ranchero that looks like it has a crane in the back. He is taking up 2 lanes at the stop light, then on the 1 way street leaving the supermarket The Guy couldn't pass him. Finally he turns, goes a different way, then ends up in front of The Guy still. The Guy was mad. Pulling into The Guy's neighborhood however, we passed him. WOOT!!! The Guy was happy and his life had suddenly had an upswing.

We put the groceries away and begin making our sandwiches. Joe walks in and talks about his first day of school. I do a wrap with a tortilla. The Guy bought a bunch of wheat tortillas he wanted to get rid of. The tortilla was a nice change-up from bread, which can be dry. I put some muenster cheese on it, roast beef, and cole slaw. Joe talks about how he is scared of trying meunster cheese because it probably isn't as bland as American. We joke how he is not a cheese connosieur (sp?).

We go in and eat in the living room. We watch the men's beach volleyball with Dallhauser and Rodgers. We talk about how cute both are, even with their glasses missing the lenses. The Guy joked about how that will probably end up being a fashion trend. We talk more about the bad commentators. Then we watch the swimming. There is some girls and guys swimming. The Guy fast forwards through anything where the US isn't involved. He talks about how beautiful some of the swimming is and is talking and using a lot of terminology when doing so. I really enjoyed it because I never get to see this side of him. We pretty much fast forwarded through the girls water polo with the US and China. He was MAD that China was beating the US and he couldn't stand to watch that. He did explain some water polo stuff to Joe and I. Joe was playing on his computer through most of this finding journal articles for school or something.

The Guy goes in the office at 7:30 after we watch Entertainment Tonight and see all the olympic buildings that were designed to order towels. Joe and I sit and just chit chat a little, then at 8:00p.m. THe Guy says he wants to go read and so we call it a night.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Hunches on friends being gay and a personal update

I guess I have a good gaydar. Every guy I pegged in high school as gay ended up being gay or I found out later. I can think of 4 guys off the top of my head including Eric. Eric was a friend of mine- quiet, shy, but also had an arrogant side to him. He always said he had a girlfriend, but nobody ever saw her. He went to prom with his best friend Kat. He got a job to be with Kat and I saw that they got along great and flirted, but there wasn't that connection like a boyfriend/girlfriend. I always thought Eric was gay. He would deny it vehemently in high school, and even now; I don't blame him.

I noticed however in recent weeks because he became such a myspace whore that he has changed. He updates his myspace status every 5 minutes- with Kat, with Sam, etc. All of the guys on his myspace top 16 are gay. All of the surveys he filled out he'd hint that he is trying out and finding out new things about him AND the questions like do you see yourself in a relationship in the next few months he replied "maybe" or "I'm learning new things." I was thinking GAY- Eric is gay. He is suddenly into Dolce and Gabana, he loves Abercrombie and Fitch, he loves designer sunglasses. He has a really bad fake tan. Really bad, orange glow. Now, he lives in the OC and so maybe he was just trying to fit in and be fake like one of the Real Housewives of Orange County, but I was opting to think Eric was gay. He posted photos of his HOT little chest. Man, he has a great bod and occasionally a guy friend would comment on them. I decided to serve him a comment the other day in the hopes of finding out more and he told me he was going to a new college, had a new major, and things of that sort and said "I am learning new things about myself. haha..." To me that screamed HINT, HINT, I'M GAY.

As I was sitting here writing this, he popped me this comment on myspace... hint...hint...

Last week I noticed Eric joining myspace groups and his orientation changed. He went from straight and took the orientation out on both his myspace and facebook. Thanks to the stalkerish friend updater I have seen that in the past week on myspace he has joined a group about underwear and swimwear. I investigated and the group is a male underwear group promoting exotic male underwear like thongs. He also joined a group titled "straight acting gay boys." Eric likes to race his truck, take his truck into the desert, typical guy stuff, so he hid the gay well... then this little bit just confirmed it.

I love when an intuition/hunch is actually true.

On a personal note, I have come out to 4 friends recently.

I blogged about Dennis before- just can't find the post. I told Dennis on IM after I told him in person. His response was "I thought you were one of my only straight guy friends." I reassured him I could still play the straight guy. Apparently when we met at Fatburger for burgers he missed it when we chatted. We're becoming good friends and in fact went to see Batman together a few weeks back.

Jenn- I have blogged about before. I didn't tell Jenn straight out and still haven't- mainly we've talked about relationships over AIM and I've told her I'm not really interested in guys. Jenn was the one whom I was very worried to tell because her mom would probably find out, Jenn would probably be supportive, but hurt, and so when I was having one of my bad days recently and we were bitching to each other I just let it slide. She told me to go where my heart is. She said that if I want to pursue guys "it may be interesting" and me wanting to is an "interesting thought." Sure, people say interesting when they disagree, but hey, I got that off my chest. I'm sure it is ok with her and won't hurt our friendship.

Elizabeth was a friend from 12th grade who transferred to my school. We were in physics and Spanish together. We were always flirting nonstop. Our friend Victor thought there was something going on between the 2 of us. We sat next to each other, talked, flirted, groped each other, laughed, smiled, and so it seemed possible. We did all group projects together in those 2 classes and daily she told me about her drama with her boyfriend Lewis. Lewis and her had been dating since 7th grade and they were constantly fighting. They recently just broke up for the 2nd time. Anyways, she was asking me about my dating life over Yahoo Messenger the other day. I said I wasn't really interested in girls. I haven't really been turned on, met some crazy ones, had bad experiences, etc. etc. I said that I am in fact gay. She said "oooooooooh," then reassured me that her best friend is gay and really likes the penis also. HAHA. She said she was surprised, but she wasn't going to judge me for that. That of course led to questions as to whether or not I was still a virgin, etc., to which I sugar coated of course.

Then comes best friend- he knows. He said he'll accept my choice, but doesn't want to hear about me dating guys.

Is Eric next? HAHA... I'm going to shoot him a comment back in a few minutes about how we should all hang out, and how yes, i'm caring less and less about what people think and may drop a few hints of my own.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Dog sitting

The Guy and I have talked everyday this past week. 2 days we had terrible conversations that resulted in a lot of hurt feelings and threats on both of our ends. It was me who was feeling rejected. I don't care to go into that. We have had some pleasant conversations like last night over AIM about the olympics, Linda, and other topics.

I did promise last weekend to dog sit today so The Guy could go to San Diego to do a meditation with a good friend, meet his friend Mike's boyfriend and go out clubbing, then go to his old swim club tomorrow to see the guys he swam with.

He called me at 12 as he was leaving work and I told him I was on my way. I got over here at 12:45. He told me earlier in the week he'd leave at 1. He was doing the dishes as I walked in. I oohed and aaahed at his new kitchen. He had the popcorn ceiling taken down, the walls replastered and painted. His kitchen is no longer lime green with maroon trim. Instead it is now maroon with a cream color. I am not sure I like the cream. It will take a lot of dark accents to help. The Guy is going to carry the cream color into the living room just leaving the maroon wall where the TV is. Not a fan of that. His living room doesn't match as it is, but that doesn't help.

He asked if I was hungry. I said yes and he made some pasta with mushrooms and chicken for lunch. I helped him tidy up and do a couple large dishes like the collander and stuff. While doing that we also did facial peels, watched some of the olympic opening from last night, and stuff like that. The Guy also vacuumed. We forgot to turn on the water for our noodles, so it took 45 minutes for the pasta to be done. HAHA. Fun times though. While we sat and ate I found out The Guy used to fence in college. He was telling me about the moves the girl was making and stuff like that. The Guy ended up leaving at close to 2:30 after showing me how the TIVO worked. He had an error message on it last night and so he is running cords into the office to his computer so he can record the olympics.

When he left I went outside and laid on his patio with my shirt off and read my cousin's book she wrote. I got about 40 pages into it and laid in the sun for about 45 minutes. Don't think I got much of a tan. I'm still pretty white. HAHA

After that I came inside and decided to start the online traffic school for the ticket I got in mid-June. My first ticket ever. Dang. I found one that said it is 8 hours, but could be completed in a few if you read fast. That was the one I needed! They even let you do all the quizzes and pay at the end. I got halfway through in 3 hours. I sat down at 4p.m. to do that, then at 7p.m. I took a break. I did also take a break and had a little more of the chicken and mushroom pasta.

At 7p.m. I decided I'd go up to The Village. It is a big hangout for people where The Guy lives with a lot of mom and pop stores, restaurants, and HOT guys. There are several colleges where The Guy lives and yes, guys cruise for sex up in The Village. I was going to just see what was there- my intention was to not pick up guys. There was some staring on my end. I, however, wanted to see what all was up there as far as restaurants and shopping. This is definitely the hangout. There was a classic car show and so there were lots of people. They were playing oldies on the radio- the Wolfman Jack show and tunes like "It's My Party" by Leslie Gore. Everyone was out talking, dancing, and having a good time. I went from store to store to look around. I went to the toy store, shoe store, clothing store, and a couple record stores. I had a great time. Then I sat outside just enjoying the nice, pleasant evening out. It was maybe 85 degrees.

I got back about 9p.m. and took the dog for a walk since he was so restless. The Guy was really annoyed with the dog and I was too. He was getting into everything, so I took a LONG walk around the park to tire him out.

I got back at 9:30 and about that time had a call from The Guy asking if everything was going ok. He said Jeff would be coming by soon to print something. It is 10:45 and he still hasn't arrived. I didn't think he would. I finished my online traffic school and got 100% on the final test. Now the results are being sent to traffic court and I'm home free! I have been doing a little laundry here and there this evening because it is easy to do and keeps me occupied. The Guy joked earlier that I should have a slave boy come over and fold all the laundry for me and dust.

I'm about to settle down for the evening. I am going to sit in the living room with a bowl of popcorn and read some more of my cousin's book. Hopefully I am tired about 1a.m., which is when I'm hoping to get to bed.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Getting to know Aaron

I've blogged about Aaron before. He is 20 and we've hung out at The Guy's house. We have wanted to hang out with each other though, The Guy in fact has encouraged it. I have been texting him and talking to him quite a bit on the phone lately. We talked on Tuesday night and decided that today would be a good day to hang out.

I texted him at 4:55, he got off work at 5, so I wanted to make sure we were still hanging out. I got a call at 5:30. I couldn't hear him on the phone, so I ran outside and called him and we decided we would meet over where he lives. His hours were cut back by 50% at the DMV because there still is no state budget. I knew that, so I was more than willing to drive over to this city he lives in near where he works to save him money and gas. I knew there were the major chain restaurants and he was game for anything, but I told him to pick because maybe he would suggest somewhere I hadn't been and I didn't know what exactly was around the DMV. He chose Red Robin. I told him I would meet him in 40 minutes. I texted him a couple times on the way over telling him I was on my way.

I get to the restaurant at about 6:25 and he is getting out of his car and I am too. He looks at my new car and tells me he likes it. We go into the restaurant, find our seats, look at the menu, and both decide on burgers. He gets the bacon burger and I get the barbecue. They come within minutes- 10 at most. We chat about what is going on in our lives in the meantime. I mainly tell him about how I've been busy this summer handling family stuff.

The conversation deepens. We talk about work, school, and things like that. I encourage him to go back to college. He took a couple courses, but got busy with work and never went back. He wants to teach history. I encouraged him to do weekend classes like Saturday or Sunday and we talked about with how many units he has done he could maybe do it in a year and a half. We talked about how he was effected by the state budget cuts. We talk about how he wants the DMV to offer him a full time position. We also talked about The Guy. Aaron talked about possibly getting to go to Hawaii with a friend of his. As he said that he sort of folded his hands on the table, relented, and said boyfriend. His boyfriend has a timeshare in Hawaii. They've been going out since February. I asked how things were with him, how they met, and things like that because he has been brought up when THe Guy, Aaron, and I hang out. They met online. They had a lot in common at first he thought, they've had a couple hard times, but they have worked through them. His boyfriend doesn't talk as much as he'd like at times, but that's just an annoying habit. I had to laugh because Aaron is so quiet and introverted. His myspace advertises that and so I ve to wonder how quiet his boyfriend is. We talked about the gay issue- how I'm not out to my male friends. We talked about how we both mainly have good "girl" friends. We have drifted apart with many of our male friends. We try to cherish the female friends we have. We talked about how sexuality is a nonissue, which we talked about my best friend. Aaron really just warmed up as time went on. We got our bill put on the table and Aaron took the bill paying for it. We argued about it. I gave my ATM card, my $20, but he insisted on paying. He told me to take care of the tip. I said I'll pay my half. He said no, Mike, I don't want your money. I didn't think this was going to happen that way. Oh well... I thanked him and everything.

Then we decided to walk over to Starbucks since we both wanted something sweet. Aaron slipped into the bathroom when we got there, so I told the barista that I was paying for the guy's whom I was with, so only take my ATM card. She laughed and said ok. Aaron came out and we sampled some orange mango smoothie they were offering. Then we ordered. He ordered some caramel drink with ice and I ordered a frappucino.

We go outside and sat down. We talked about my housing situation. He asked if I liked to read. I said yes and told him about how I am reading my cousin's books right now. I told him about them. Then he told me about a book he read. We talked about how we both should read more. He asked what I've done this summer and I told him some of the things. Went to a tanning bed and the bad experience. My ass burned. Yes. There. I said it. The Guy encouraged me to go. I talked about Gonzo and how we're great friends. Told him about going to the casino and how at Morongo you only have to be 18. He has never been. We talked about concerts and he has also never been. Vegas then came up. He wants to go with his boyfriend when he turns 21. He also wants to go with his good girl friends. I told him how Gonzo and I want to, but it'll never work because her parents are so strict. We talked about cell phones and iPods. I showed him my iPhone and he laughed how Amy Grant was the first artist on my list. He likes her too. I joked about how embarrassed I was at what he was seeing. We finished our Starbucks drinks and went into the Verizon store. He wanted to buy phone scratch protectors for his screen on his phone. We hung around in there and he told me about his sister who is 17 and his older brother. It took about 10 minutes for him to be helped.

Then we walked back to our cars. I ended up telling him about the incident last week where I was sexually assaulted. He knew something was up when we talked on the phone earlier this week. I told him how it has just helped me reaffirm I don't want a one night stand deal and how I was strong enough to set the boundary of only jacking off. Walking to the car he asked how I got to the hotel because I guess he missed that detail when I was telling him or was curious. Either way I told him how we walked from the bar to the hotel since it was just down the street. The guy had his arms all around me. Aaron asked how and he put his arm around me and I did the same showing him. The guy from last week was rubbing all up and down my side and so I showed him. We walked to the car- about 100 feet with our arms arond each other. People did see. It was 8:15 and nearly dark, though. I felt a little awkward because I've never really done that, but also not knowing Aaron well enough. I'm glad we did it though. Nothing sexual there guys- he has a boyfriend. Aaron pulled down his tailgate and we talked. We talked more about how the incident has made me stronger and how I'm just going to be more careful. We talked about the weather, the cool breeze, and just how glad we were to get to do this. I thanked him for dinner, he thanked me for Starbucks, and he joked that I need to stay away from the department store this guy from last week works at. We wrapped up about 8:40.

Good deal- I'm going to definitely get to know Aaron better just to have another cool guy to chat and hang out with.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Just hanging out

The Guy and I had been planning since last Friday or so to hang out today. I called him at 9:30 and he didn't pick up the phone. I try not to worry, then an hour later he calls. He said Alfonso was at his house working on the fans. He said Alfonso and Alfonso (dad and son named Alfonso- his handymen) would be there all day and just come in when I arrive. The Guy had to workout at 11, but would be done at 12 and we would meet about 12:20 or so.

I get to his place at 12:20 and sit in the car for a few seconds finishing up a call with my cousin. I get out of my car, lock it, then The Guy pulls in. I was parked where he usually does, so I moved so he could park. Then he gets out of the car and goes in the house. I do too. I see the cupboard next to the door where the cups used to be is gone, the popcorn ceiling is also gone. The ceiling fan is also down. Alfonso is working on finishing the ceiling and stripping it of the popcorn. Alfonso, the son, is working on the ceiling fan. The Guy says we're going to go eat, we'll bring them drinks, today was going to be an atypical hangout for us, and we'd just play it by ear. Jeff had to come to use the internet since his was down and he had to work.

The Guy says we'd go get food. We argue over who will drive. I opt to because my car is in the way. The Guy makes fun of me and doesn't understand the whole no key concept in my car. He called Jeff as we drove to the food place we were going to to see what he wanted. His choice was chicken or salmon. He chose the chicken. The Guy directs me since I had never been to this place. We argue because I pass up a parallel parking space because I didn't know where we were going and argue some more when I didn't flip the car around to get another space because 4 cars were behind me. I park about halfway down the block and we get out. The Guy talks about how tired he is and I tell him it is because he worked his legs out. He never complains about arms. I asked about his workout routine, which is legs 2 days a week.

The Guy and I walked in and made our order. The restaurant was really quirky. You order a protein, a sauce for it, then a side. You have two choices- salmon or chicken. You have about 10 different sauces and sides to choose from. The sides include brocolli, white potatoes sauteed in olive oil, rice pilaf, and a bunch more. It is a fast casual restaurant and cost about $8 per person. While waiting for the food we walked up the street, then down the street, and around the "village" as it is called looking for a liquor store. The Guy complained about how far we had walked. Then he realized my parking place was ideal because it was in the middle of both places we went to. He still gave me a hard time.

We go back and eat and mmmmmmmmmmm and oooooooooooooo about how good the food is. It really was. We talked about my counseling session and how we mainly talked about keeping my confidence up. I told him how I had such a difficult night last night with my sister going after my neck and how I had to move my mattress in a different direction. His response was just "wow"- he didn't realize how traumatized I am. Then we played around on the computer looking at myspace and realjock. The Guy showed me the stand he wanted to buy for electronics at Best Buy and I showed him bedroom sets I want. The Guy did not like the bedroom set I really liked and some of them that I was kind of unsure about he agreed as not being what I need. I don't want something too old, too traditional, too retro. Here's some pics of bedroom sets I'm looking at.

Picture 1- nice bedroom, but I couldn't let my feet hang over the bed
Picture 2- sharp and VERY masculine
Picture 3- would look good without the canopy and the furniture shape is interesting
Picture 4- Too kid like (I agree, but the full bedroom set was $500, so I wanted his opinion)
Picture 5- The Guy called this the "I am young and hip and can get you into bed with me bed" In my current house because it was built in the 60s/70s would look ok, but in something newer would be harder to play with to make it work. I'd have to go with bamboo or lilies, or use 60s retro artwork or something on the walls.
Picture 6- elegant and functional
Guys, feel free to comment on your favorite. I like 5 a lot, but would definitely need help to figure out what would look good with it. 1, 5, and 6 are my favorite. I will probably post more as the time comes closer to buying a bedroom set.

Jeff arrived about an hour later around 2p.m. Jeff agrees with The Guy and I on the beds. Then he shows his bedroom set, which is a canopy bed also and really looks sharp in black. I explained how I want something that won't look dated, is not traditional, but can be used in a variety of settings (whether we stay in this house or move into a newer one AND once I move out). The 3 of us sat in the office and invited the dog in to sit and chill. Jeff was looking at myspace videos like of a camel carrying a car. We wondered how they got it up there.

Then The Guy decided him and I needed to go to Best Buy. I drove as he called his brother to talk about markups and how they work in his dad's business. The Guy wanted to buy a new TV stand for his bedroom to give his old one to Jeff. We go to Best Buy, walk around, then go to the back. The guy from Best Buy said that the set The Guy wanted was discontinued- or parts of it. The Guy asked what they had and he said look in the book and he'd say if they had it or not. The Guy asked about one and this lunatic said "we don't have those knobs and the feet for that since they've been discontinued." The person in the home entertainment department said he could get it by September 9. The Guy said he could buy it elsewhere. We go to his stereo and electronics place to price it out. It was a full $100 cheaper than Best Buy, plus he gets the "stiletto" feet for it. The Guy will order it tomorrow since the guy he works with there wasn't working today.

We go back and Jeff is again playing on myspace and taking business calls. He designs business cards and gives presentations on that- he was laid off a few months back from a job where he designed computer networks. We sit in the office and joke around. We talk about how much The Guy is texting, how he is talking to his ex, whom just broke his foot hiking, and things like that. Jeff and The Guy talk about friends they had and who was dating who. The Guy talked about the tension between his ex and Jeff- Jeff was going through a hard breakup at the time and was constantly on the phone with The Guy. We talked about each other's lives. The Guy updated us on Louis, Aaron, and my life. He just said I had a bad experience at a bar the other night. The Guy talked about how he thinks tattoos are on their way out because they don't carry shock value anymore and people who have them are now getting old and wrinkly, so they're dying down. I showed him my friend Aurea's HORRIBLE tattoos of fantasy elephants on her back that look more like griffins with wings. The Guy agreed they were pretty ugly. Then he goes onto my myspace and changes my myspace status to something like "I've never been happier. WOOOOOT. Bring on life baby" or something to that effect.

The Alfonso's are busy cleaning up, so we go outside and sit in the living room after The Guy runs the vacuum. He talks about wanting to have his bed deep cleaned, his carpets shampooed, and things like that. He talked about how he has thought about expanding his kitchen, but how now he is just going to put the hanging lights in his kitchen and find a new place for all of his laundry detergents and things that were in the cabinet to where he moved the glasses to. Confusing? Yes... not expecting you to worry about these details. . The Guy gives his dog a bone for being so good today. He was really upset standing outside and watching The Guy, The Alfonso's and I inside. He was crying and everything. We watched him chew his bone, then talked about dateable guys that The Guy was texting. There were only 2, both of which Jeff and I hadn't met. We told him his ex did not count and is not dateable again. The Guy has something for him still, but Jeff says he is not good enough for him and I agreed. We talked about good food places- things like cookies and chocolate. We talked about how THe Guy will throw something out like the Claim Jumper chocolate cake after he eats a slice of it, then dig it out of the trash. The Guy has no problem digging anything out of the trash- except for the dumpster. Then Jeff and I made fun of him and how he would be The Guy in the dumpster in the condo complex, legs in, trying to dig the cake out. The Guy laughed, but said no.

The Guy said he wanted to nap and Jeff and I made fun of him for that, talked about how his dog was anti-nap because he was up running around, so nobody needed a nap. The Guy said he did. I got up to go the bathroom and get ready to go. Jeff and I left about 6:30.

I came home and chatted with The Guy for a few minutes on IM. He was thanking me for the day, wanting to be sure I got home safely, and told me he was going to read Harry Potter Book 6 tonight. He also wanted to thank me for the myspace comments I left him- the Outside and Fukitol pics shown on The Masks We Wear's blog. The Guy found them hilarious.

Thanks guys

Just a note to say how much I appreciate all of you guys commenting, trying to comfort me during this time. Thanks to those of you who may not comment often or be a first time commenter, those of you who I know a little better because we chat over IM or e-mail, and everyone in general for being so supportive. All of the comments have really been comforting and made me feel a lot more optimistic.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Sexual assault

I sit here crying and trying to type this up. Part of me feels like I need to because I need to vent. The other part of me wants to brush this under a rug and pretend it never happened. Sexual assault can happen to guys. It happened to me.

I was having a bad night the other night and The Guy encouraged me to go out to a bar on my own. I did. I went to one he recommended in my city. I went and had a strawberry margarita because I wasn't really wanting the hard stuff. I was there for a good 20-30 minutes sitting at a table near the entrance. The bar wasn't too crowded.

A guy comes in and he sees me playing on my iphone and approaches me asking if I was the guy he was supposed to meet off of craigslist. I said no. He showed me his ad, which he made a mistake and showed me another ad. It turns out it was an ad The Guy had posted. It was like a bad dream. A mistake. My heart sank and I felt rejection. I really wondered if it was and proceeded to get up and walk away from this guy. The Guy was obviously interested and pulled me back. He asked why I was there and I just said to hang out. This guy, about 5'6'', 155lbs, latino (I think), named Husef told me I was cute. He told me I looked like the ultimate gay guy because I was wearing a shirt from the department store he worked for. How flattering. He was a brand tester for a major department store chain and told me about the new products available at this store. He told me how hard the retail field was. He asked what my major was and he told me that just being a hard worker means you'll always have a job and just because you feel like you don't know how to do something means nothing because if you work hard, people want you. He told me about all of the opportunities I could have in the retail field. We were able to have a pretty good conversation because I could share about how my mom actually used to do what he did for a major dept. store and is trying to get back into the field. It felt really good because I have looked at opportunities in major department stores where my degree could be put to good use and he just seemed to provide that assurance. He told me how sexy I was and how great my eyes were. Soon I let my guard down and we kissed. He was a sloppy kisser and kept moving his tongue around the outline of my lips. He said he was staying in town at the most expensive hotel in town and asked if I wanted to go back to his room. I said no. I was a little hesitant because all I want to do is jack off with a guy and nothing more. He said ok. I was stupid and trusting. I am usually so hard and pressed to trust guys.

Here's his craigslist ad: I did not reply to this ad- he just merely hit me up in the bar thinking I was the guy he was going to meet off of craiglist.

Staying at ultra expensive hotel- m4m
Bi dude here 5.6 155 workout dd free very clean cut..looking to play in my my hotel room. Please send me pic...lets doit Thanks

We go back to his room. His arm is around my waist as we walk to his hotel room. It is a NICE, several hundred dollar a night room. He showers and comes out in a white bath robe and a half used bottle of St. Ives lotion. He told me how this bath robe cost him $250 because it is made of egyptian cotton and he bought it on Melrose. I am laying there naked with my clothes to the side of the bed.

He plays with my dick for a moment and we jack off for about 2 minutes. He was more interested in touching mine than me touching him. I notice how little and petite his body looks compared to mine. He flips me over and on top of him and I feel him moving his dick toward my ass. I said NO. I said I only wanted to jack off. He told me "Mike, you know what you really wanted when you got into this." I said NO. NO I DIDN'T. He grabbed my neck at this time and had me in a head lock. I kicked him in the chest and hit him with my arms. I was trying to regain composure and control by putting on my shirt and he pushed me onto the floor during this time. We roll around and he is on top of me telling me how I'm a hard one and I must really like rough sex. I said NO. I am able to get to my pants and get my iPhone out to try to call 911. He takes the phone away and throws it across the room where it hits the wall and falls near the bathroom door. I give in for a few minutes and let him "have his way" meaning I wanted a few seconds to come back with my strength. I did, but I am screaming during this time. I pushed him over and laid on his chest. He is scratching my back in the meantime and I am trying to pull the comforter off the bed. I finally get the comforter off the bed and smother his face in it. I cover his face with my hand and the comforter and roll his head around on the carpet. As he is clawing at me I try to get his arms and everything else wrapped up. I am able and I take his head and arms and wrap them up in the comforter. He struggles trying to get undone and I quickly pull my pants on and carry my shoes out of his room where I finish dressing. I escape with a few marks from his nails across my back, a larger scratch going down my back, and what looks like rug burn on my neck from where he was clawing at me incessantly.

I run to my car 2 blocks down the street and begin crying. I drive home and cry. I cry until morning. I feel good in that I know it was not my fault- I was strong and sat my boundaries. I was just so hurt that The Guy posted an ad. I figured it was him having a difficult night, but that this guy accidentally clicked THe Guy's ad out of all ads on craigslist.

I called The Guy yesterday morning and left him a voicemail at work and said "FUCK YOU." I was going to leave a message like "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK and I mean it on so many levels and toward everything," something a little more funny, but I was mad at him. He doesn't get cell reception at work, but by the time I get home from my walk, which is when i called him, he is online. He asks if I'm around. I said no. I told him to go away. He asked if I was mad at him. I said yes. I proceeded in on my story. He said he did post an ad, he was lonely, he is single, he doesn't deal with aloneness well. I asked why he didn't call me. Why, when I'm feeling so alone too. The 2 hour conversation we had that night which caused me to go to the bar was because I felt alone. The Guy listened and we talked it out and he told me how bad he feels for all of this happening to me. He feels lke it is his fault this happened to me for encouraging me to go out. We talked about how this was an attempted rape/sexual assault/how I am thankfully very strong and was able to take hold. He told me and said I have to go to counseling. He asked why I wouldn't go, if I was scared, he assured me of confidentiality, and everything. He said I should go to the counseling center at my school. I said no. He asked if I wanted him to go and said no. He said he encourages me to go. I was driven crazy by him and finally went. I didn't care.

I went and talked to the counselor. We talked about how it is sort of surprising I am strong and don't feel like I did anything wrong. He talked about how I'm in a precarious situation where I was just coming out and had that sexual confidence and wanted to meet people, but now that is lost. He said he felt weird telling me, especially after just being victimized, but wanted to emphasize this to The Guy that he really needs to be there for me to support me sexually. Our bed relationship may change and it will- I don't think I want The Guy being as verbal/dominant as he is, but also if I do want to have sex I want it to be very equal and we tell each other how good ____ feels. He said the biggest issue was The Guy didn't come with me to be my support, but also to hear how he needs to be there for me to support me because I am so alone- as in my parents can't find out without opening up the whole gay issue, I'm not comfortable with close friends knowing, so he is my only person to turn to, and yes, I'm asking a lot, especially when he is having a hard time giving it. The Guy and I talked and he is so busy with his own feelings of loss right now that he can't help me. I have no other person other than this shrink to turn to. I am not about to talk to my parents- and my mom did see the scratches on my back last night. There isn't tons of privacy in my house right now and I wasn't thinking about having my shirt off walking around. She asked what happened. I lied and I think she knows I did. I said I was clawing my back because it itched really badly. Then she saw the big scratch that looks like rug burn and she said that's not just a scratch. I just laughed it off. I'm not going to talk to my good friends like Gonzo or friend in Mississippi because it is awkward. I do want to I guess hang out with them more and be around people. I am hurt and my lack of trust is worse than before. The Guy knows that I am mad at him and is accepting of it. The idiot shrink also thought that now is the time to keep my sexual confidence up, which is hard when The Guy and my relationship is changing, but also how I feel so alone, lost, and hurt.

Edit- Friday night I basically told The GUy I was coming over- PERIOD. I was a mess. I left a mess because he did something that triggered thoughts of the other night. He did it on accident, but it still hurt and I cried and wouldn't tell him what was going on. His friend Joe was visiting and he was trying to shoo both of us out. I hadn't eaten and was just coming out of the bathroom and he asked if I was ok. I said no and I needed a few minutes. After a few minutes I was fine, then he said "go, go Mike" and it sounded in the same harsh tone that The Guy used the other night causing me to cry and have a flashback of the other night. He gets upset and yells at me in the kitchen for not telling him the problem and that just furthers the problem.

Sister came in my room to try and bother me on Sunday. She was trying to tell me something my dad said, but also annoy me. I am laying on my mattress here on the floor and she swoops down and goes after my neck. I have flashbacks of that the other day and I slap her with my hand. She thinks I'm playing and so I slap her again and she leaves to cry and tell daddy. Daddy comforts her and tells me how that was so inappropriate- I just needed to tell her I didn't want to play. I feel uneasiness afterward and still, like my bed isn't even safe. That bitch.

Sunday I turned my bed in a different direction because the direction it was in was the same as the bed in the hotel and it was bothering me. Now here it is Monday morning and I can't sleep because I'm upset and also because of my bed being in a new direction. And I use the term bed loosely because it is merely a mattress on the floor. I've been trying to sleep for 2.5 hours.