Friday, November 30, 2007

Come on into my bed...

We can get under the dark velvet red cover and lay our heads on the silky pillows.

HAHA... just wanted to explain my lack of posting this past week. I thought I'd take a moment to share where I've been and introduce you to my bed. This is where I've spent a long time this past week sleeping and recovering from tonsillitis.

Would have been nice to have had someone join me though. I'm still open to having someone come and keep me company

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Movies and more...

Went over to The Guy's house last night after nearly crawling the walls this weekend being cooped up at home. I went out to Staples beforehand to get a science display board, but they were closed at 7p.m. Since when do they close so early?! On the way home, I call The Guy- one because I was bored and so we call each other when we're bored, but also he said to call him, and so I was doing it.

I told him I was just out driving and was mad Staples was closed. He said I should come over and hang out and watch movies with him. He was playing EQ2. I got over to his place and we watched the end of something on TNT. I can't think what it was, but I've seen it before. Then we watched "Spiderman" and "Sleepy Hollow."

The Guy's dog was all over the place and it was really annoying last night. He couldn't sit still. He was all over me beacuse I probably smelled like dogs since I played with my dogs quite a bit earlier in the day. The Guy ordered some chicken souflet from a Thai restaurant, and he spent a good deal of time trying to get into that, then he couldn't make up his mind where he wanted to sit. I wasn't relinquishing my position next to The Guy on the couch where I could see what was going on on his computer and talk to him.

About halfway through "Sleepy Hollow," The Guy turned off the computer and laid his body across me. I LOVE THAT feeling!!! I love to be able to hold someone, touch their body. I rubbed his thigh with my hand while he played with his dog and watched TV down at the other end of the couch.

Finally he asked if I was sleepy. I thought he meant we would go and take a nap. It was midnight afterall, I was tired. We got into his bed, snuggled up close together and then I put my hand on his arm. He moved it down to his crotch. He moved his arm down into my pants and grabbed my dick. I began playing with his too and got him hard. I was already hard from the time he went in my pants.

He pushed me under the covers to suck him off and I did. My throat still hurt, so I don't think I did a great job like usual, but he seemed to enjoy it. He continued playing with my dick, so soon I took my pants off and as I sucked him he jacked my dick off. That was such a hot feeling. I just love another guy's hand on my stuff, especially his. He wanted me to suck his balls last night and take both of them in my mouth- again with my throat hurting, I wasn't sure how well it would go over, but he was really turned on by this. I know because of all the precum he had on his dick after I started sucking him again after doing this. This went on for a while, then we grinded some. No kissing or much contact other than that because of my tonsillitis. He shot his load on my chest. I think this is the first time, at least in a long time that he shot his load on me. It was huge! He got a towel and cleaned me off, then we got ready to say goodbye.

I hadn't shot my load since at least Tuesday and was still really horny when I got out to the car since The Guy spent so much time working me up, but didn't give me the opportunity to shoot my load that it took just a little rubbing my dick through my pants when I got out to the car. It was funny. As I was leaving the complex he lives in I realized how hard I still was and I thought I could easily cum. I thought about whipping my dick out and stroking it real quick to shoot, but didn't. I just sat at the end of his street rubbing my dick for maybe 30 seconds and I shot an awesome load all in my boxers. I had the nice reminder of this all the way home. Made it home at 1:00a.m.

Thursday, November 22, 2007


Hope you guys have a good day!!! I plan to sleep. Originally we were going over to my aunt's house, but someone developed a case of tonsillitis late last night and spent several hours at Kaiser. As much as I don't like the insanity that comes with going to my aunt's house because of all the little kids, I'm going to miss it this year. Those little kids are pretty bad. I only get to see the extended family 2-3 times a year, so it is something I look forward to.

It doesn't really seem like Thanksgiving to me- the weather has been a bit warm lately, we managed to avoid the lines at the grocery store (and seeing all the people there usually causes me to realize it is the holiday season). I've noticed that this past week everywhere I went everyone was wishing each other a Happy Thanksgiving, but it just doesn't seem like Thanksgiving. Also, not going over to the relatives houses doesn't help.

Though this Thanksgiving is not turning out as planned; I did however want to post what I'm thankful for since what I'm thankful for is a little different this year. 2007 really has been an awesome year, which is a nice change after 2006 was really crappy. So here are some things I'm thankful for:
Meeting great guys - that includes fellow bloggers and The Guy. I think because I've met a lot of you I've been more encouraged to take big leaps toward coming out.
Gonzo- we've become a lot closer this year - I'm also thankful she was so supportive of my coming out
Good grades- 'nuf said...
Friends- they're great
Family- Most of the time they're great, there for me to talk to, listen, and support me. I've become a lot closer over the past year to people like my cousin, which is awesome.
My job- Love the kids I work with and most of my coworkers. I enjoy going to work everyday.
My body- Thanks to my gym membership I'm pretty happy with it and the results.
Health- this could be debatable after this case of tonsillitis I've developed and some other things the doctor was concerned about yesterday, but I'm happy that I'm rarely sick when I am. I take care of myself to try and avoid getting sick and I'm thankful it is paying off.
My grandma is still alive- She'll be 88 in December!
Amazing opportunities I've had this year- Kind of a mish-mash of everything I've said above, but some other tidbits... meeting new people, getting to travel to see my best friend in Mississippi, getting to travel to Nashville, getting an awesomme internship, and opportunities to meet fellow bloggers.

I'm thankful that I'm very happy at this point in my life.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Night of games on the couch

On Tuesday night I went over to The Guy's. I had planned to ditch my Spanish class cuz I could and go over to his house a little earlier. Didn't work because I had a crappy meeting that lasted nearly 2 hours at my college. UGH.

Got over to his place and he was on the couch playing Everquest II. I sat down, there was random chit-chat about our days, stuff like that. During this time I was downloading the updates for the game on my computer. It took about an hour.

I began playing and The Guy mentored me- some action in the game where he gets credit for showing me what to do. It was awesome cuz I didn't feel as alone while playing it and didn't get frustrated. I did die twice though, at the beginning. The Guy made fun of me and told me how he didn't see how I could die.

We both finally sat up (we had been laying down on the couches with our computer) and moved next to each other and got under the down comforter. That was awesome to have his body so close to mine.

Then we ordered the extreme veggie pizza for dinner. The artichokes on top were so good.

After dinner, we played for a little bit longer, talked about random things and then took off.

Left about 10:15 and got home at 11.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Karaoke at a club

Gonzo and I made plans to go to a gay club Sunday night. I spent Saturday night texting her. Instead of going to what I knew was an all out, gay, dance club we opted for the quieter club that caters to gays in the area.

Sunday night was karaoke night. We got there and walked through. Nobody was dancing- just sitting around talking and a few people were on stage doing karaoke. The crowd was guys and girls of all ages. There were older women in their 60s up by the karaoke stage. There was a young group of guys and girls who were about 20 at the back. There was a large group of guys in their 20s and 30s in the middle of the patio.

One guy sang Simple Plan's "Addicted" and he sang the song with attitude, but lacked the whiney voice needed for the song. Gonzo kept asking me what I was going to sing. I said NOTHING unless she was going to. She wasn't. She kept pressuring. She said I should sing my ringtone "Watching Airplanes," by Gary Allan, but I said no. The only songs we could think of were "Wait for You," by Elliott Yamin, "What Hurts The Most," Rascal Flatts, and "These Days," by Rascal Flatts. She got the paper, I wrote down those 3 songs. This was about 10:30. I couldn't believe it... after being there 1 1/2 hours I was finally going to do karaoke. Oh well... I figure if I was going to come out I had to do it in a big way and singing karaoke would be coming out... haha.

Anyways, in the meantime while everyone was up on stage singing Gonzo was asking me what guys I found hot and getting an idea for my type. I like tall, tall and muscular, tall and skinny, latino, and so on she deduced. The bouncer at the club was sooooo hot- very skinny latino guy with spikey hair and sparkling brown eyes. He was about 5'7''. Really, I'm not that particular in looks, but it took a while for Gonzo to determine this and she thinks I'm as picky in men as women.

I went to the bathroom about this time and there were 2 guys in the bathroom talking about cum on their faces. I went and did my business- as I was doing it, I heard a guy talking asking if the cute guy with the green t-shirt had been here before. The guy in the green t-shirt was me. One guy said he didn't know. I finished up, wanted to know who was asking, but then when I came out they were gone.

Finally about 11:15 the guy asked Mikey to come up to the outdoor stage. I had the microphone and watched the computer monitor to see what was going to come up. The 4 lesbian girls who were probably 21 or 22 cheered me on. Gonzo and I had cheered them all on when they did "Like a Virgin," by Madonna and Gigi did "Honey I'm Home," by Shania Twain. The song that appeared was "Wait For You," by Elliott Yamin. I got up there, tried my hardest. My eyes were glued to the computer monitor making sure I didn't miss a line. I occasionally looked over at Gonzo and the lesbians. By this time, most of the club had cleared out. There were maybe 20 people still around. I remember looking over at Gonzo who was videotaping it on her cell phone. It was fun though. I was nervous talking about it and thinking about going up there, but after the first couple lines I was fine. It was easy. The lesbian girls and one lady who sang 4 or 5 other songs all clapped loudly for me. Gonzo said I have "gangsta" status now. She vows to tell everyone at work I did karaoke. Her cell phone deleted the video because it went over the time. Oh well... haha... less embarrassment that way if she brings anything up. I'll just pipe in and say I did do it- and I had the balls to unlike her, she flat out refused.

We stayed around for a few guys who sang a song from "RENT." The lesbians did "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood. After that, we took off.

We talked about what we plan to do this week on the way home and how next time we'll go to a real club. Overall, fun night, something I wouldn't normally do. Also knocked something off my list of things I want to do in life... sing karaoke in front of a large group of people at a bar. HAHA... yay!!!

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Jersey Boys with the bloggers

Got to meet up with the LA bloggers last night to see "Jersey Boys." It was very cool to meet JR, Hamilton, and Closeted to finally be able to put a face to people I've chatted with and read their blogs. I really enjoyed meeting everyone face to face- that alone made the whole thing worth it. Awesome show also, I must mention.

Friday, November 16, 2007

He has the best heart

The Guy called me at 6:00p.m. or so Thursday night as Dell was at my house fixing my computer. I was thinking about The Guy at this time and apparently he was thinking of me too as he called me while he was driving back from Trader Joes. He told me to call him later and we should hang out. I called at 6:45 when Dell left.

Went over to his place and we hung out sitting around on the couch watching TV. He asked if I wanted to get my computer, so I did. Helped him install a video card in a HP PC he just got. Later in the evening after browsing the web he wanted to install Everquest II on it. I said ok. I put the disk in. Video card error messages appears. I kind of try to hide the fact as Dell just replaced it 2 hours earlier. He went into repair mode and tried to fix it. I was telling him not to worry- I'm calling Dell as it is their issue. They just fixed it. He said no, we're getting you a new computer. I was STUNNED. STUNNED. Part of me wanted to burst out and cry because that was just so thoughtful and computers aren't cheap, so that he wanted to get me one was just so awesome.

Before I know it, he is on the phone with Joe asking if he can bring his Toshiba over. I tell The Guy when he gets off the phone it is not necessary because I can get a computer myself. He is asking me questions like why I haven't by now, stuff like that. Then he asked how I would pay for a computer. I basically said my Dell has a warranty, plus I can get a computer. I can afford it. I have enough money where I could run out and get a computer.. I didn't tell The Guy this because the conversation shifted, but my reasons for not are my computer is still under warranty no matter how crappy it is. Technology changes so quickly. A computer isn't my top priority, although I could certainly afford it. I also am not like The Guy when something doesn't work I toss it out or get a new one... I try to fix it. Maybe I do need a new computer though- I just couldn't accept this one. I was just so heartened and felt so touched that The Guy would think of this for me. He is seriously the most awesome guy. I would have paid for it, but in the end I didn't accept. If I buy myself a computer I'm almost positive it'll be a Mac, even though it'll be quite a switch. I also know now I'm going to keep my computer problems to myself... haha... loved that The Guy was so thoughtful, but to know how he is just like me and if there is a problem he'll go out of his way to try and fix it- in this case trying to give me a computer.

Found out The Guy sold his old Macbook Pro to Joe. Joe in exchange paid him cash and his Toshiba laptop. The Guy has no use for the Toshiba, but accepted it as payment. I told him and was adamant in saying NO- I can't accept that. He was telling me yes, I'd been planning this since you need a new computer. I told him that yes, I would have a very hard time accepting it. He said ok- just don't tell Joe when he gets over here. Joe eventually found out- The Guy said it when my computer started working right.

Joe came over and was in a bitchy mood because of school. We stood around and The Guy transferrred files off of the Toshiba onto Joe's Mac while Joe and I stood around surrounding The Guy on the couch just chatting, making random remarks, etc. It was fun though- finally I sat down to tend to my computer and Joe sits down next to me. We talk, we touch (not sexually), but I'm saying more than is typical of 2 guys just sitting on a couch. He was trying to show he was sad once and put his head on my shoulder, I put mine on his too. It was cute little stuff like that... haha. Anyways, The Guy was talking about threesomes and other random stuff during this time, but Joe wasn't picking up on it... haha... that was fine with me.

Joe left about 11. The Guy wanted to show me what he bought that he told me about on the phone... hand cuffs, a butt plug, new lube, and poppers. He then wanted to try it out. He gets naked, I follow. I suck him for a few minutes then he moves where his ass is in my face and he is lubing up my dick, jacking me off, playing with the butt plug and trying to put it in my ass. We move positions a lot and there is lots of body contact. We kiss and rub our faces against each other. He hadn't shaved. We also had a little role playing going on- he was the daddy and I was the bad son... haha... I'll leave it at that. That's a new twist in our sex lives... haha... I'm not sure I like it, but hey... I can say I've tried it now. We were all over each other tonight- no joke. It felt sooooooo good. The Guy jacked my dick as I sucked him off. Then I switched positions a little and sucked him off until he was about to shoot; and I was laying next to him, shot my load on his chest

I left about 12:10, but The Guy wanted to know why I didn't want to stay later. I did, but I knew I would hate myself this morning. I have to get up in a little less than 7 1/2 hours. That's why. I also had to stop and get gas tonight on the way home. It was only $3.25 a gallon... yuck.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007


There... said it... :::giggles:::

Well, a couple Fridays ago, I came out and basically said to Gonzo that I was bi. I couldn't seem to get the words out and felt really bad. It was such a huge relief and I was elated to tell her that. I really wanted though, to say the words. I got around to that tonight.

We wanted to meet Monday night for dinner at 9p.m.. Didn't work. We met tonight at Jack in the Box. I had a root beer float and tacos. I wanted the float, but Gonzo insisted I ate, so I had tacos.

First, I got to check out her new Scion box. She gave me the grand tour. I didn't get to sit in the drivers seat though because the person she was parked next to was waiting to get in the car. She asked if my opinion on the car had changed. I said I still find them ugly, but that I don't really care, she is happy, I love to see her happy, so that is all that matters.

We sat at the chairs with the bar stools, she got her food, I got mine. We talked about things like my sister and the incident her and I had this morning. I took her purse and other stuff to the train station because I'm such a nice guy and she forgot all of the stuff at home. We talked about how her brother is in the same boat with my sister when it comes to getting their licenses. Her brother finally takes his test tomorrow. Now we just need my sister to. We talked about cars and money. We talked about how we both feel such a need to help and shelter our brothers/sisters, how we do care, and how we don't get thanked enough for doing that.

We talked about what we want for Christmas. I told her I finished most of my Christmas shopping the other night. We also talked about our obsession with hair. I told her how I'm trying a new hairstyle everyday this week. I didn't do my hair Saturday through Monday. Tuesday I just towel dried it. Today I just ran my fingers through it. I love short hair. She said my hair is very sexy.

Finally I showed Gonzo pics in my phone of the new coworker I don't like and her fiance. Both look like men. It is quite scary. Gonzo then asked to see pics of The Guy because she thinks he is a really hot guy. I said yes. Then she asked how my "date" went the other night with him. I just told her we went out, had Mexican food, talked, stuff like that. That's what The Guy and I did Friday night. Gonzo asked if I liked it and I said yes. She asked a couple times since I had a hard time admitting it to her on the phone the other night and that was simply because I was determined to not say I'm bi over the phone.

So this went on and she asked me about a girl from high school who used to be all over me. It was not my exes. It was just one of those random girls all over any guy who breathed. Anyways, she asked if I ever had feelings for her. I said she was hot. I know a hot girl when I see one. She asked if I had ever thought of getting with a girl and doing stuff. I said it just seems so out of character for me to do that and stuff. She said you only live once, so you might try it.

Then she told me about Addison, her best friend who is gay and how he always goes to Gonzo and tells about his man and sex problems.

She told me that I should really go on more dates with guys to see if I really am bi. She said I should do it with a guy and a girl to see if I'm really bi or gay and if I like the experience. I wanted to pipe in and say I've done this ____ with a guy. Nope. I Chickened out.

Gonzo then asked if I would go out with The Guy. I said yes, I would. I explained the situation about how I'm not out. She said well, if he asks you, say yes. Haha. During all of this time I'm sitting leading her on and beating around the bush. I'm thinking how I don't have the guts to it and really wanted to text someone on the phone for encouragement. It would have been awkward to pick up my phone when she had her eyes glued on The Guy's photo going on about how sexy he is. So The Guy's photo is in the middle of the table staring up at me. I'm like ok... The Guy is here with me in spirit and his eyes are staring at me... he would just say it... so I'll just say it.

I had wanted to just tell her the whole story on how we met, how I've hid this part of my life from her and everyone else. I couldn't. I was laughing too much. I was going to go into the details (excluding the sex) for the past 6-8 months.

The laughing and giggling continue. My eyes were on anything but Gonzo when we were talking. Most people who know me will not deny I'm a good listener and will devote my full attention to you. I think Gonzo was thinking there was a problem. The truth is when I'm nervous I tend to laugh and giggle. Others may shut down, blow up, whatever, but I giggle and laugh. I can tell Gonzo was not sure what was going on because she was becoming nervous as she was playing with the tray cover on the tray. She asked if I had learned anything about sexuality in my human reproduction class. I said yes and told her what I learned like bisexuality is not just a phase and is entirely possible. I told her I've talked with The Guy about sexuality since she asked if I had discussed it with friends, I said I had. I said I have met some of his friends, stuff like that. Then I remember suddenly looking up at her and saying "and I guess I'm bi." Her eyes got big, she had a huge smile on her phase and she was intent on listening afterward. I didn't feel real awkward afterward, my heart didn't pound. I just giggled.

She just told me how great that is. She asked if I feel I could swing both ways and may settle on a gay identity later or straight. I said I like both. I can identify a hot girl and I have no problem telling. I like guys, but I have a hard time saying one is hot. She said she thinks I'm confused still, but it is good I am admitting it. She asked about The Guy, how long I've known him, how we met, how I feel for him, stuff like that. I'm sure you guys know the answers... haha.

She said she really wants to go to a gay club and it should just be her and I who goes. She said that Darla would never be able to go and going with our other coworkers would be weird. She wants to go and would only dance with me or other girls. She doesn't want to dance with other guys because she has a boyfriend. Plus her and I could pull off boyfriend/girlfriend very well... even though she is not the huggy/clingy type like me. I'd be all over her at the club... haha. Seriously... wouldn't let a guy lay a hand on her. She said she is allowed to stay out until 1:00a.m., I just need to come up with a gay club to go to, pick a day, and we'll go. I'm thinking Oasis in Upland or there is a little club who caters to gay guys in my city, but I don't think it is the gay club idea she has in mind. It is mainly more of the drag queen type based on what I've heard and seen on their website. Might not be bad for a first time.

The conversation fizzled from being gay quickly and went back to her brother getting his license possibly tomorrow. We talked about little other random things like work.

We want to hang out next week- either go clubbing or go to breakfast... or both!

At least I finally got the words out...

Monday, November 12, 2007

Penis names

In my human reproduction class several weeks back, we had to come up with as many different names as we could for penis... here is what my class came up with...

cock, dick, pee-pee, weiner, wee-wee, dildo, the little friend, the 3rd leg, other hand, shaft, shlong, lizard, chicken, monster, family jewels, fireman, fire hose, hot dog, wang, dong, twig and nuts, twig and berries, trumpet, bazooka, snake, one-eyed monster, one eyed snake, johnson, wilson, pecker, shaft, boner, rod, crotch, fruuit bowl, putz, hard on, erection, beef, chile, sausage, pole, ding dong, tally-wacker, swipe, rope, thing, soldier, tree, pickle, lollipop, pipe, pogo stick, burrito, snickers, strudel, sword, cyclope, trouser snake, phallus, straw, ding-a-ling, schnuffer, peenie, piss pump, magic stcik, gun, big will, small soldier

We had to come up with as many names as we could for masturbation, breast, penis, oral sex, vagina, itnercourse, semen, and menstruation... my favorite for oral sex was Clinton and Lewinsky.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Study buddy

I was a bad boy today and my personality seemed to clash with everyone. Told my mom off early in the afternoon and followed it up later in the evening by making my dad and sister mad. The whole thing with my mom was pretty intense. It doesn't help that she is as stubborn as my grandma, though she won't admit it. I know where she gets it though. Geez. Relax people, it is the weekend.

The Guy had been im'ing me randomly throughout the day about how he was thirsty, needed water, stuff like that. Then on AIM about 4p.m. he saw that I changed my status. This was the second time I think I played with that. It said "maybe one of these days I'll learn to keep my mouth shut." He asked what I did and I explained what happened. He seemed to sympathize with me and thought my mom was overreacting. She was. My mom told me to stay in my room all night or to take off for the night. The Guy was saying how he needed water, this and that, stuff like that. I said I'll bring some over as long as I wasn't interrupting him. He was working on a big presentation for his class. I really didn't want to be there and distracting him.

So I go to the store and get him a couple study aids- water and Monster energy drinks with the screw cap (very important). I get to his place about 5:30. He tells me about the project, shows me what he has going, stuff like that. I sit in the chair next to him in the office and he decides to work on the format, his slide transitions, etc. Then as the night went on I think I helped him or would like to think I did by helping him with a couple of the formatting things, but he was bouncing ideas off of me etc.

About 8:45 we take a study break and watch "Family Guy" for a few minutes. Then he tells me to "come here" and we go to his bedroom. We strip, I suck him off for a few minutes, then we start 69'ing. It was awesome. He didn't get off tonight, but I did. I jacked myself off while sucking his dick. Afterward he wanted me to lick my load, then he wiped it up and spread it all over my face... haha... good times.

I left shortly thereafter, came home and to avoid further personality and idea conflicts I went to my room. I called Gonzo. We had a convo about me, dating, and guys. She also got a new car- a box with rims (a Scion). She wasn't going to get a car until December like me... now the pressure is on. Gonzo and I are going out tomorrow night after she gets off work at 9p.m.. We are going to Wendy's for frosties and chili. We talked for 45 minutes about stuff like dating. My plan right now is to go into details and tell her about how long I've been interested in guys since that came up when we were chatting on the phone and she could tell I was hesistant, but I want to stop the lying.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Why I will never get a Dell again

This is going to be one of those bitchy rants right now. I'm in a rut. Dell sucks.

We've owned a total of 7 Dells in my family and have always had more or less good luck and they used to be quality. Quality now is a joke.

I got my new Dell- it is refurbished because my old Dell laptop could not be fixed. There was a problem with the motherboard and cooling on my old laptop that couldn't be fixed after 5 times and a few threats Dell sent me this piece of junk I have now.

So what are the problems I've experienced in the past year with this Dell?
- Motherboard had to be replaced because one of the USB ports on the computer came broken.
Time spent: about an hour convincing the woman on the phone the USB was broken, then another hour with the at home technician.
- Video card software issues- games like NFS wouldn't run on the computer. Dell never actually acknowledged the problem and everytime I would turn on the computer I got a video card error message that they had never heard of. Took it to a computer shop and they were able to mask the problem, but the games wouldn't work on the computer.
Time spent: 10 hours or so
- Keyboard keys have lost the "umph" and little rubber piece that make it so you can type. I have been through 2 keyboards. The keyboards are so cheap that within 2 months the keys all lost the shiny coating on them. I need a new keyboard right now since the caps lock key has lost one of those rubber things. No- I'm not rough with the computer. I've owned other laptops in the past and never had a problem. The woman who helped me with this problem the first time spent an hour dealing with it because she wanted to run a diagnostic to make sure it was the key board and wouldn't believe me.
Time spent: 1+ hour
- The video card problems I had this summer that carried over up until a few weeks ago resulted in me spending almost 25 hours on the phone with Dell. Wiped out my computer and installed clean copies of Windows. Each time Dell sent me new XP CDs and blamed the problem each time on a bad copy of XP. After 5 times I'm sorry, that's not the case. Ran diagnostic tests at least 10 times. Even the computer shop I took it to said that it is a bad video card. Lived with the problem 6 months. Finally after getting a new hard drive 3 weeks or so ago I convinced them to give me a video card.
Total time spent on this issue: about 25 hours (+2 hours or so with at home technician who spoke no good English)
- Computer would not install automatic updates. The updates would say they would install and would not. An idiot woman I spoke to at Dell in India said they installed, but the message that there were automatic updates kept reappearing because it does it every morning at 3:00a.m. NO. The updates are set to install every morning at 3a.m., but they are not installing, which is why the little bubble kept appearing at the bottom of the screen saying there were updates to install.
- Hard drive failed suddenly about 3 weeks ago and the guy in India insisted on spending 2-3 hours on the phone with me running diagnostic tests.
Time spent: about 4 hours including with at home technician
- The screen began flickering black on Tuesday about every 10 minutes. The guy in India said that he would send out a new LCD monitor and a power cord. Wouldn't send a technician for the monitor though, and that was a tough thing to install (hence, The Guy helped me and we both had a hard time). Spent an hour on the phone with him and ran a diagnostic test- still the problem ensued, but the diagnostic test wouldn't pick it up.
Time spent: 1 hour + an hour or so at The Guy's
- This morning I spent 75 minutes on the phone because the screen is flickering again- even though I have a new video card, new hard drive, fresh copy of XP on the computer, new LCD monitor. After 75 minutes of their run around decided they would send an at home technican this coming Tuesday with a new video card, ne LCD monitor, and a new motherboard. All of these things have been replaced before!!!
Time spent 75 minutes + probably an hour or more this Tuesday

Other qualms-
- Don't transfer me to India
- Don't tell me you have never heard of my problem.
- Don't play the diagnostic game in an order to save money. I am pretty tech saavy and so when I've called you I've already ran the diagnostics, troubleshooted the best I could, asked others who are knowledgable.
- They have used my precious time to play their games. This part bothers me more than anything. I USE MY COMPUTER FOR EVERYTHING!!! I use it to take notes at school, almost all of my homework has to be done on the computer, stay in touch with friends and family, and much more. I use it for a calendar, to update my phone address book and other random stuff... if it can be done on the computer I probably do it to stay organized etc.
- I have lost documents, important e-mails, and other stuff in the process of wiping out my computer so many times.

- They don't listen to the customer.
- Customer service where I have called to complain has always said that the technicians have handled the issue and so they can't do anything.
- With all the money they have poured into this POS it would have been much cheaper I'm sure to send a new computer.

I'll be stuck with my Dell until at least January 1, 2009 when the warranty expires unless I request a computer for graduating from college, or unless I break down and buy a computer myself. HMMMMMMM...

Don't get a Dell... haha... ok... so that's today's lesson. Consider it a lesson as opposed to a rant.

I am seriously considering a Mac. My sis just got one so I am somewhat familiar. I don't really want to go through and learn a new OS. I think Macs can do some really cool stuff and have seen it. I am not sure I'd be as able to troubleshoot a problem with a Mac because I've never really used one before. I do know however in talking with The Guy and his experiences with Mac tech support, they would have never played these games and probably would have replaced the computer by now.

Margaritas and the hot tub

I went over to The Guy's house after texting and instant messaging him about my computer. He said he could help me replace the screen in it. Dell refused to send a technician, though I have an at home warranty. They said fixing the screen is easy. I'm pretty tech saavy, but i had a hard time figuring it out.

Got over to his place about 6:45 and we started to work. The Guy got directions off the internet and at times it was a 2 person job. We/he worked on it for about 45 minutes to an hour. It was really ridiculous that Dell decided to not send a technician for this... what is a warranty for otherwise? After that, The Guy said I owe him a blow job for that and I agreed. He asked if I wanted to do it now or later. I said now... a little now and a little after dinner. I got the idea from the im's The Guy had on the computer and his text messages that he was setting up a threesome. We confirmed that while I was sucking him. I sucked his dick and balls. We were both sitting at the computer chairs in the office and he had his tilted all the way back and I leaned in and sucked him. It felt so hot to have his legs around my head and back. I just love feeling his sexy body.

He asked after maybe 15 minutes if I was ready for dinner. I said yes and we went to La Salsa Mexican. This is the first time I've sat down at a restaurant with The Guy. Uusually we go back to his place. We ate and talked about life like his exercise routine, how his friend Zack just dumped his boyfriend Justin. Somehow the topic of my sister came up. I showed him a picture of her and he kind of felt bad for her saying she doesn't have the spark/out there look I have. He said with all seriousness he could see her being a typical trailer park IE girl. HAHAHA. SOOO TRUE... then we talked about my sister and the train, my sister and her self image, stuff like that. I talked about how I try to reach out to my sister and be nice to her. I was defending my actions and The Guy told me I need to sit down and talk with her and go in without blaming her, but also be very open and complement her. Just talk and try to get through to her. That's my mission for Tuesday. He felt really bad for her because she is so defensive of everything. I really enjoyed that conversation since he had a new perspective.

We got back to The Guy's place and hung around for a little bit. Then we hit the jacuzzi. I went in with The Guy. Used a pair of his shorts. Good stuff. Enjoyed being in there... no there was no hot tub action or anything cuz he lives in a condo complex, but it was just nice to have his company and all.

Went in and The Guy was on the phone with the 25 year old he was trying to get for us to have a threesome with. He decided to make some margaritas for us to loosen up and he cleaned up around the house. THEY WERE STRONG!!! He doesn't like the margarita flavoring mix so much I can see. That was my first margarita tonight. I've always had Jack Daniels whiskey, Mike's hard lemonade, Vodka and coke, etc.... not margaritas... overall... not impressed. The Guy did use fresh limes from his lime tree. :)

The Guy was so reassuring and he said if I didn't dig the guy who was coming over our signal was me saying he had to go. Well, when this guy came we all sipped on margaritas in the kitchen standing around and stuff. This guy who came over said he was bullimic and I noticed he had really skinny legs.

The Guy let him use his ex boyfriend's swimsuit and we went to the hot tub. This guy, Ryan from Anaheim, came shortly after and as he trailed behind lit a cigarette and was smoking it. Not hot. I was able to check this guy out further- spiked hair, very thin frame... I wanted to take him out and give him a good meal... something really fatty. The guy is a swimmer and comes from a family of swimmers. The Guy was a swimmer, so they talked and stuff about that. We talked about religion and The Guy is Greek Orthodox I found out and learned some interesting stuff. Homosexuality is mentioned twice in the Bible like once in Exodous... random little things. The Guy got out of the hot tub to get our margaritas from inside and then that's when I made up my mind I had no interest in this guy. He asked me in kind of a rude way what my deal was and why I was there. We play around some more in the hot tub like The Guy spits water at me and at Ryan. Ryan did say he was peeing in the jacuzzi when he had to go to the bathroom. That prompted our exit from the hot tub. Yuck. That was not hot. We go in, Ryan showers, The Guy asks me if I'm ready to leave so he can dump him. I say yes. It was 11:30 and I was pretty tired.

Called and talked to Gonzo on the way home. I knew she was getting off work at that time. We confirmed that we're among each other's best friends... yay! We talked about my bad luck with girls... stuff like that... she's awesome... I love her. We decided we're going to talk about guys and me tomorrow night.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Getting bolder

I was bored while driving to school today, so I called up best friend in Mississippi. We talked about what we've been up to and I said that this past weekend was interesting. I made out with a guy friend who is gay. I left it at that. He said that was disturbing and he reminded me he is straight. I said no more. I let him form his own conclusions. We talked about how I am definitely more kinky sexually than he is- meaning I have no problem doing things like that and stuff like that. Shortly thereafter I was disconnected and tried to call him back, but I think the problem was he was trying to call me.

Monday, November 5, 2007

First time seeing Gonzo since coming out

At work today I was the one who brought up my "date" on Saturday night where I said I went out with a guy. She asked me how that went and stuff like that. I told her it went well. She wanted details and I provided them- where we ate, random stuff like that. All of this was a lie of course, because I didn't have a date. I did however get to volunteer the information I wanted- I did make out with a guy and did enjoy it. I was very detailed describing the kissing, the guy's body, stuff like that. She said that was awesome, she was surprised I kissed on a first date. She was happy for me and could tell that I enjoyed that. I said while I'm not really way out there or anything and am new to the scene I enjoyed what went on and am still kind of freaked out it was a date with a guy.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

I came out at 1:30a.m. this morning on the 91 Freeway

Tonight was the perfect time- Gonzo and I in the car for about 30 minutes-1 hour in each direction depending on traffic. We were chaperoning a field trip for the kids we tutor at Knotts. We didn't have to ride the bus, so I drove. We met up with the coordinator at the high school to say hi, talk, see what the deal was, if we needed to help, and then took off.

When Gonzo got in my car I had a handful of condoms in the front seat (it was condom day in my human reproduction class- I plan to post about that later). I said to her "let me move my condoms" and she began laughing hysterically and said how she was not sure she wanted to ride with me anymore cuz I may have all these dirty things lined up. That was a good source of laughter for 10 minutes or so where we both hinted that we didn't know how to use them although I became quite the expert because of condom day. I played little naive Mike.

On the way down we talked about school and random memories from high school. I also told her about my Halloween drinking experience and hiding it from the parents.

When we got there we realized how awesome the weather was- I took off my hoodie about 8:45 when I got too hot. It is usually on the real cool side and I'd have my gloves, hoodie, etc. I am always cold it seems, so this was a welcome surprise.

The high school didn't get to Knotts until 9p.m. because the bus got lost and didn't pick the kids up at the high school until 8. 2 HOURS LATE! Our dinner plans with the teachers were scrapped. We stopped on the way to Knotts at McDonalds and ordered Big Macs to go. Inside McDonalds I was telling Gonzo about how I have pics for most everyone who calls me. I showed her a pic of The Guy and said he is a real good friend and told her his real name. I showed her the pics of my coworkers and stuff like that.

Our first ride was La Revolucion. It was funny because Gonzo doesn't scream on the rides. She laughs and giggles. I screamed because she insisted that I do, even though I'm not a screamer. It was quite fun, made her laugh harder, I was watching her, getting dizzy from looking over, fun times.

While in line for Silver Bullet, there was a Latino guy and his girlfriend (both were hot) making out and really getting into it. He had his hand going up her shirt and he was playing with her boobs. They were making outo and hugging, kissing complete with tongue and everything. I don't mind seeing people make out, but Gonzo whispered to me it was nasty. I decided to exert my authority and went up to them and said "aaaaaaaaaaaahem... this is a school function, so try to keep it PG." The guy looked at me obviously embarrassed and didn't say anything. They did stop.

In the lines we talked about everything under the sun- Loud Mouth Coworker, school, work, family, friends, and the like. When we were in line for Boomerang we talked about people from high school. I tend to get around and keep in contact with people we went to high school with. She asked how a former football player was and I said well, he's going to this college and I've heard stuff about him. She asked what and I said that he's gay. Then one of the other football players came up who I know is gay since he has it on his myspace. She was SHOCKED at that one and went on for a good 5 minutes about how he seemed so straight and stuff like that. I just said yeah, surprised me too. At this point I was texting Closeted only child for moral support since it was becoming harder. I wasn't going to come out in line in front of a bunch of people and hear Gonzo's shocked reaction as well as a bunch of strangers; but also after hearing her reaction to the football players was intimidated to say I'm gay or bi.

I got a text from closeted on Boomerang (the ride in the photo above) at the top where you are backing up before the freefall so you can go through all the loops, and I said loudly enough so she can hear, "my penis is vibrating" cuz my phone made it's way to that area, I could feel it, it was vibrating and the vibration felt so good, I needed to share the information. Gonzo was laughing so hard and I was bright red. I couldn't believe what I just said- that's so out of character for me. * Thanks man for texting me and encouraging me. I think that helped me make up my mind I had to say something finally because I've been going on and on about how I've wanted to tell her for weeks.

We went on about 10 rides and hit all the good roller coasters.

We left the park at 1:18a.m. I put the car in cruise control and cruised down the 91 at 80mph. We talked about how fun the night was, how Gonzo wanted to work at Kohls badly when it first opened, how I know my way around so well without using maps (which is not a guy thing, btw). She brought up again how shocked she was about that football, Raymond player.

I got 2 text messages right before we got on the freeway. I didn't; but Gonzo said she heard my phone vibrate and make the message sound. She's hearing things... but I figured I'd make something up along the lines of guy friends who are gay. She asked what they said. I lied said one was from The Guy who is gay and the other was from a friend who is bi. I showed her a pic of The Guy at dinner (but did not tell how I met him) and she went on and on about how hot he was. I said both had dates tonight and both were telling me they went well. She said oh, we'll, 1:00a.m. is definitely late for a date and their dates should go home by that time. This led to the conversation about how her parents are so strict with her. She is Mexican, but there is an unwritten rule in her family she has to be home an hour before her real curfew of midnight. If she is with her boyfriend, 11:30. If he is at her house, he is gone by 11:30 and the door of her room stays open.

I sang Avril Lavigne's song "Complicated" they were playing on KBIG 104 as were were near CSUF. Gonzo laughed at me for that and sang along. Then they played "Home" by Daughtry and I realize that we were approaching the 55 freeway at this time. I figure I want to start the conversation before we leave the OC to give her time to react before getting home. They play "Emotion" by Mariah Carey. All of these songs were quite appropriate for my situation. Things were becoming more complicated, I was wanting to go home, and was full of emotion at this time. I figured NOW. Just like closeted said in his text, do it without thinking.

Out of the blue as we were passing the 55 freeway, I said "I have a date tomorrow night." Gonzo was leaning against the window of my car staring at me and asked "what does this girl look like?" I was SOOOO tempted to say "well, this guy looks like....." but didn't. I just couldn't. So I made up a random girl and then said hopefully this one will go well because my luck with girls hasn't been great. She went on about how picky I am, how she has analyzed my situation and sees that I'm too picky. I wanted to tell her NO... I like guys. Didn't have the balls. DAMN ME. DAMN ME. DAMN ME.

Somehow we talked about how I don't want to settle down and marry until the time I'm 30 or so. She was telling me 25 would be more acceptable. I said no, I want to be a bachelor and have no plans of settling down. She said how she doesn't want me to be real old and having kids. I was arguing David Letterman did it, she said she doesn't want me to be like that. She said she doesn't want me to look like a grandpa when I get around to having kids.

Me wanting to wait for a while to have kids led to another interesting conversation- I said I am very independent and don't want commitment. I'm sure I could handle it, but I like having freedom. Gonzo said maybe I need a friend with benefits. We also talked about a friend, Audi, from high school who wanted a guy as a friend with benefits. She said I should do that. I said nooooo. I said I'm not looking for sex. HAHA. I know Gonzo is still a virgin and whatnot and I wasn't comfortable telling her I wasn't necessarily.

Then out of the blue right near the OC/Riverside County Lines I said "The Guy has tried to hook me up with another guy and has volunteered to be a friend with benefits." I told her how I met The Guy online (craigslist). She asked if that was The Guy that I showed her earlier in the pic. I said YES. She said he is definitely hot and that I should do him. I said stuff to the effect of, "you don't think it's weird that gay or bi guys are trying to set me up?" Her response was no, she said maybe they have a point- I don't like girls. I said, "I don't think I'm into guys" (damn me again). She said that with my past luck with girls, it may be that I'm not interested yet and haven't come to realize that since I haven't done anything sexual or maybe thought about that (hahahaha). I said maybe she was right. All the way into the IE she was saying how definitely I should go on a date with a guy and get a chance to see if I could like a guy.

I talked about having guys hit on me, stuff like that. She said that's awesome and she thinks that because in society we're taught that being gay is not ok, it really is (she was concerned that I was worried about trying anything with a guy because of that); times are changing. I said yeah, but I can't really see myself saying I like a guy and stuff. She said well, I encourage you to go on other dates etc. with guys and see how it works. I said maybe I should. She said that I probably am saying that I can't say I like a guy because of my upbringing and stuff like that. She lectured me on how love can be used to show value and that you appreciate someone, so it is perfectly ok to love guy friends. She said she doesn't want me getting caught up just thinking liking a guy is a bad thing because obviously nature made me this way.

She said how her best friends are gay and she has no problem with that and it would be perfectly fine. She talked about how gay guys tend to be more open to not just sexual stuff, but more accepting, open minded, loving, caring, and stuff like that. She said that she thinks I am all of those and she doesn't want society to tell me otherwise.

3 exits away from where I get off the freeway she says that she just wants me to be happy and will be there to support me and whatever. She said she wants me to go on a date with a guy, make out, stuff like that, see if I have feelings, stuff like that.

Getting off the freeway I said "Gonzo, look, tomorrow night, the date is really with a guy." She said "Mike, great, that's a good start." She told me how she was so happy for me and can't wait to hear everything.

Now nearly 2 hours later (3:30a.m.) I'm thinking damn, I wish I could have just said it. But I did make it clear that I do have an interest in guys and now I can talk about guys around her.

The conversation was completely normal the rest of the way home. We talked about my sister and her brother (both of whom may get their licenses by the time they are 40). My sister and her brother both don't have their licenses. Her brother FINALLY passed his permit test last Wednesday. We talked about how much we fear for our siblings because they don't have the experience we do driving, but also how they don't take driving as seriously as we do.

All in all, awesome. I don't have a date tomorrow night, unfortunately. I can however be MORE truthful with Gonzo on Monday morning and say I enjoyed the date, I made out or something like that and had a really good time and did have feelings for a guy or something.

Mr. Early to bed finally made it to bed at 4:00a.m. and was up at 9:00a.m.

I feel so relieved today after telling her. I can't describe it. Though I didn't say I know I'm interested in guys, I said enough and she knows now I'm considering guys. I just feel really free today. I wish I had the guts however to say those 3 little words- it'll be easier to say in the future though, I'm sure.