Sunday, May 31, 2009

Dad is doing better

Problem solved- my dad is seeing SEVERAL different doctors right now at 2 different hospitals. He failed to mention to one he was on betablockers, which was lowering his heart rate. I guess the betablocker is in his anxiety medicine the doctor at Kaiser prescribed, but he didn't tell the doctor at the VA hospital he was taking it. The VA is the one that has been telling him what pills to take for his heart/blood pressure lately since he started being treated there more often. He had a doctor's appointment this morning and is doing better tonight. He is up and around. He made dinner tonight, but he probably won't be at work tomorrow. My mom has been going on all night criticizing my dad for being so stupid and had him write down all of the medications he was on that he didn't consider important or forgot about, or whatever the case. Back to normal- the usual bickering? haha... my parents aren't that bad. I feel so relieved in a way, yet so worried still since he isn't out of the woods yet.

Benihana type experience

I had chatted with Chris this week and he said he was free Saturday night. I suggested we do something. 5:30 rolled around and after a combo of text/IM he decided we would eat, cuddle, see a movie, and all that jazz.

I get to his place about 6:30- I had a quick errand to run prior to going over. I get to his place, we hug, and then sit down on the couch. He is uploading photos of his son to facebook. He also decides to burn a DVD of the photos for his dad. I had no clue how easy it was to make a DVD with chapters. He put some Jack Johnson songs in the background, added a few more photos, and voila he had a CD. It was fun to watch him create. He was so excited.

We go into his room so he can change. I had navy blue Levis and a brown t-shirt on, he had shorts and a t-shirt. He wanted to be more dressed up like me. He says we first need to get on the bed and we make out. He lays on top of me for a few minutes and we kiss. Then he gets up and puts on his jeans and takes all the laundry out of the dryer to find a top. We are now ready.

He asked me earlier if I'd ever have Teppan, which is like a Benihana, where they cook the food in front of you. I had heard a lot about it, but I hadn't been there. We drive over there in his car. He is one of those crazy drivers. He was singing to the songs on JACK FM as we drove over. He also asked how I am doing in Scramble, the word game app I have beat him in on our iPhones. I admitted I beat him. He asks why I didn't tell him. I told him I debated about texting him but I thought it would be more fun to have him log onto the game and see my high score, then possibly text me upset, or something to that effect.

At the restaurant we are seated, a few others, including an annoying girl and her boyfriend were also sat at our table. We all place our orders, then a few minutes later the chef comes. The skill to throw the knife and other grill tools around amused me. The first course was a mushroom and beef soup, the second was a salad, then fried rice. The fried rice was SOOOOOOOOOOO good. I didn't eat all of mine, but it was really good. The shrimp then went on. Then the meat went on the grill- chicken and steaks. I had the New York Steak and Chris had the teryaki chicken. I was surprised that they just put the teryaki marinade on in the last few seconds of cooking. We ate off of each others plate. He ate some of my steak and I had some of his chicken. Both were great. The final part was the vegetables like onions, zucchini, and mushrooms. It was funny because Chris was eating the onions on my plate that I didn't eat (only because I was stuffed), but it was amusing because he did that the other night at PF Changs. He likes onions like me- he goes out of his way to eat them too. haha. At dinner we talk about random stuff like what movie we want to see.

When we leave the restuarant we talk about family and what everyone is up to today- my mom was having a dinner get together with Linda and another friend, then my sister and dad were up to something else. He told me about his sister and mom coming over tomorrow. He asks how my Spanish presentations went and my Women's Studies. I told him about the dumb bitch I was with for my Spanish presentation who described my college as a nation. Then I told him about my Women's Studies professor who snorts instead of laughing and thought my presentation was highly amusing, although I'm not sure why. We get a little distracted, or I do at least, telling my stories because we see someone who has Budweiser and other neon signs on the windows of their house, like a bar. Then Chris announces they're playing a good song, which I paused to hear. It was Prince's "Little Red Corvette," which I told him is probably the song I've listened to the most on my iTunes. I just checked and I've played it 24 times, which is 8 more times than the next most played song, "One Step at a Time" by Jordin Sparks. We sang that as we pulled into the apartment complex.

We get back to his apartment and realize we have over an hour to kill. We watch some "Law and Order," then go to his bedroom to kill time. We take our pants and shirts off, then cuddle under the covers. I hold him and it felt so good. Then we kiss, do lots of that, roll around on each other, he sucks my ears, then moves down to my dick. He sucks me for a few minutes, then moves back up, we kiss, and jack each other off. We kiss some more, then we jack ourselves off, clean up, and realize it was 10:24 and we missed the movie by 4 minutes. We watch another episode of "Law and Order" instead and we get through in about 40 minutes thanks to Tivo.

It is 11:20 or so when we are done with the episode and we're both very tired. He walks me out to my car, we hug, and he jokes about me needing a license plate frame saying I'm an alumni of my college. I told him I didn't want to advertise that college and he laughed. I said I was much happier with the license plate frame I have on my car already, nice and simple, it is silver and it says the make of my car.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Lost his drag show virginity

I was having a really rough night last night. My mom had a terrible day at work and some of the developments made me upset. My dad was still loopy and loose because the oxygen isn't getting to his brain like it should, which is disturbing in and of itself- we're worried about the long term effects. My dad's blood pressure raising medicines that he has been prescribed are not doing the trick. The blood thickener he used to be on isn't working. He is pretty much confined to the couch because of dizziness and forgetfulness, so I had to make dinner, and I just wasn't in a good humor.

I texted Dennis at about 6:30 and I said we should go to a drag show. He texted me back and said it'd take some convincing. I told him I'd get VIP seats for the show and it was at 11. He said he'd see me at 10.

See? I don't need Carl to go. HAHA

I get to the club at 10 and Dennis comes a few minutes later. He had never been to a club and was dismayed he had to pull out his ID. We paid the cover and went in. I knew we both wouldn't be drinking, and that was fine.

He asked me where I decided to go for my teaching credential, school, life, and all the other stuff. I went down the list telling him what was going on. Just told him it was a difficult week with work, school, and then my dad's health. I left it at that. I asked him about work. He said he was ready to graduate, told me about job hunting, and things like that. I know he opens up much better to me online, so I wasn't expecting anything earth shattering in person. We had fun joking around as I told him stories about the students like with my shoes on Thursday, my little troublemakers I sub for, and other random stuff.

The seating started 30 minutes before the show and we sat in the back row. We laughed at the drunk lesbians next to us.

The show featured a lot of older songs last night, but also the most amusing scene from Ab Fab making fun of being an alcoholic. The drag queen had a lit cigarette and a bottle of champaigne. She then started stumbling around wetting members of the audience. I seemed to take the brunt of that as I was at the back where she was standing too. There were a couple Gloria Estefan songs like "Caridad," which were totally amusing because Spanish just seemed to complicate the mix, but also the drag queen brought out a bag of tortillas, started eating them, then threw them at the audience. I got hit with a tortilla, which was hysterical to Dennis. I joked with Dennis I got beat up by food.

The Pink drag queen did "So What," and damn she was good. Seriously. She also performed "Bad Influence," which was good.

After the show we stood around and Dennis asked what the appeal was for me to go there. I told him that I do see people I know and I mentioned people from high school, my neighbor, and other random people.

By this time he was relaxed and said he wanted to go outside to the patio. We went out there and stood around talking about school, yet again. We also talked about some of the people we saw around there. I think Dennis was a little surprised and how risque some of the people were dressed.

Anyways, by 1:00 he was yawning and said we should head home.

I logged onto facebook this morning and saw that he "enjoyed his time at the club with his brother." HAHA... I'm glad that Dennis considers me a good friend, like a brother.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Do we think it is going to be the last email?

Carl wrote and said...

well, i cant apologize for what happened because i was not really at fault. i was hurt! did I over react? I dont think so.. given the same situation, and you be the victim- i would think you would understand where i was coming from!

i can apologize to the fact that we seem to not have a friendship anymore, and i wish it wasnt so. i can forgive what happened and look ahead. i just hope that if you can be my friend again, you can understand where I was coming from and try to learn from it because you are in the wrong. friendship is golden after all!

i miss hanging out with you, going out with you, and spending time with you! we were great when we were in each others presence! we have fun together! i do miss that!

i'll just be more careful next year if I decide to go to disneyland for my birthday! perhaps i'll kidnap your professors and bind & gag them before they can give you homework!

ha ha


i am sorry mike, and wish we could continue our friendship! it would be good to see you. i miss going to the club with you and watching the drag show, and dancing with you and feeling your hard-on! LOL


this will just probably get read by you and deleted afterward.

if you dont call me, i guess this will be my last e-mail to you since it would be obvious that you dont want to havve a friendship with me anymore.


In all honesty I am not sure whether or not to write back. I feel like he is beating a dead horse. Every Friday and Saturday when he is lonely I get a myspace message. No worries, but I just don't know.

My letter would probably go something like this- I'm kind of in a bitchy mood today- be forewarned

I do not believe I was in the wrong, not playing the victim. It was YOU for being inflexible about your birthday. I was more than accommodating telling you we could go to Disneyland the day before or after my birthday. I don't need the constant blame when I don't do something- not able to hang out, not able to celebrate your birthday when you wanted, that I did this, did that, whatever.

You're always preaching if someone pisses you off to cut them out of your life, why don't you follow that information? I have done it. You always told me if someone pissed me off to tell them to fuck off. You told me you weren't forgiving with friends. So why are you forgiving with me? Oh. Because you're lonely. I have great support. Gonzo, Dennis, Foot Fetish, The Guy, fellow bloggers, and readers. The Guy, fellow bloggers, and readers have all affirmed I'm in the right.

I do miss going to the club, but I don't miss you not having a car and me having to drive.



Thursday, May 28, 2009


We all know I have quite the shoe fetish. The kids we know always talk about what I wear, and today was no exception...

Shoes complemented by beige khaki pants and a sky blue zip polo shirt.

Subbed for the severely handicapped class today and all day the kids were asking, "where did you buy your shoes? "Did you buy them at the Vans store?" "Were they expensive?" "Your shoes match your pants." "Your shoes also match your shirt." "Did you choose what color of fabrics went together?" "Are those carpet?" Also got lots of comments walking out and about. I try to avoid these shoes as they're a bit casual; but they're fun shoes, they matched what I was wearing, and hey, the kids are paying attention... to something...

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Drink with Mr. B

Tonight was the end of the year banquet at the high school. I joked with Gonzo that I was going to ask Mr. B out to get that drink we had talked about during the Christmas Party at work.

The night was wrapping up and we were helping to put the tables away when he comes over. Mr. B shakes my hand and I said "it's almost over" in reference to the fact I was graduating and I thought that's why he was coming to shake my hand. Gonzo shrieked, "ask him." I said "I think it is about time for that drink that you wanted." His eyes lit up and he had the biggest smile. He said we will do it. He just needs 1 drink and we'll split the pizza at Yardhouse one of these days. He said we're not inviting any of the crazy crew from 11th grade, just an intimate conversation about life and the future. We exchanged phone numbers and so I'll give him a ring about the time school lets out I think.

He said I made his night. He made mine. I expect it'll be lots of laughs, lots of serious talk, lots of beer, and pizza.


The Guy and I hung out yesterday, finally. We had been texting/calling and he was finally free yesterday afternoon. He has been very busy at work. He actually had to work Tuesday because they're redoing the internet at his work, and he is the go to guy. He texted me 2-3 times to say he might be late and it'd be closer to 3 before we could hang out.

When he is on his way home he calls me. My phone goes straight to voicemail, so I call him back and let him know I'm on my way. I tell him it was a difficult day because of my sister. She has been behaving herself, but yesterday she wasn't. My family doesn't have a lot of money right now. My parents are teachers, so we live paycheck to paycheck since they're paid once a month. My dad's health problems this year have compounded the problem. I learned some things that I wasn't supposed to about this the other day in fact. This note becomes important later.

For the past 2-3 weeks since we ordered my graduation pictures, my sister has been asking "what do I want for graduation?" "What am I going to break the bank with in asking for?" She has been reminding mom and dad that I need something for graduation.

The truth of the matter is I don't need anything. 2-3 weeks ago I was talking with my dad in my bedroom when he popped in one night, which is not unusual. We talk about stuff like family, school, whatever is on our minds. These convos are a lot like what I have with him, like when I came out to him in the car. During this particular talk, even before my sister said anything, I told him straight out I know times are tough and I don't want anything for graduation. I would rather us all be comfortable, have what would have been put toward anyting for me for graduation to be used for the family to cover expenses. I have things pretty well- graduating college debt free, in 4 years, and my parents only had to shell out $250 registration fees to cover my tuition each quarter. I know what my parents make, how much we're shelling out towards each thing, and I know each month since January has been very close because of my dad's health, stuff with my aunt, and other unexpected expenses.

Anyways, she was harassing me yesterday saying I'm not getting anything for graduation because I'm not loved, I'm too expensive, and my parents can't afford me. All of this I know is not true, I know her words shouldn't have an effect on me, but they do. She was asking what I want. She was telling me how my parents know I need a computer desperately and I'm not getting one because we can't afford it.

She upset me. This was the first time she was allowed to stay home on the same day I was at home in months. She lost that privilege for sure. I threatened and I told her that I am going to pick up the phone to call mom and dad at work. That helped a little. I finally got mean and nasty and told her TO TAKE OFF. SHE BETTER NOT COME BACK WHILE I WAS HOME, OR SHE WILL WISH SHE HADN'T. I WAS LIVID BY THIS TIME. She left.

I was so glad to see The Guy and just be driving over to his house. I was happy to be going anywhere. So I told him the story on the phone.

When I get to his place he is playing WOW. He is level 80. My tune is only 64. He asked if I wanted to play. I said it wasn't fun with him. So he was on his big desktop and had the iMac there set up, ready to go. He put "Sex and the City" on for me and he played. We chatted occasionally. Both of us seemed tense. By about 5p.m. we both seemed to be much calmer. He was checking out macaddict and other sites like facebook.

Mike, his ex, came onto facebook messenger a few minutes after he logged onto facebook. He was talking about the WEHO rally. The Guy used this time to ask about his friend Chris. Mike said he was a great guy. Mike asked about what I thought about Chris. The Guy exaggerated saying things like "love at first sight," "I'm just a big love lollipop," and "I really like him." Mike said that was good. Mike said that Chris needs a lot of love. MEANING? He is insecure? Needs lots of attention? Affection? More likely to get the attention elsewhere if he feels like he is not getting what he needs from me?Anyways, Mike said further that Chris needs more time to become comfortable with himself. The Guy asked if that meant in coming out and things like that. Mike said both. That clarified a lot and I was glad to hear. I think so far we're compatible. I'm not flambouyant and I'm respectful of him, and will be supportive.

Anyways, Mike logged off. The Guy looked at his workout for the day on the internet. He ran around cleaning up the house and used the bathroom. During this time my mom called. She was with my dad at the hospital. My dad was having a C/T scan because he came home early from work complaining about feeling really stressed. He was taken to the doctor and the doctor ordered a CT scan. Personally, I think much more is going on there than my dad is leaning on. My mom told me not to worry, they'd be home in a while, and she just wanted me to know to pick something up for dinner.

The Guy asked if I was ok. I said yes. I played it cool, and for the mostpart, I was very calm. I just opened up and talked normal and I told The Guy the following: I said I wasn't surprised because of everything that was going on (sister, aunt, work, stress at work, money, money for me to get my teaching crednetial, and my dad feels insecure). My dad has distanced himself it seems lately. He seems to be back to where he was 3-4 years ago before he reunited with his Army buddies. That sort of distance. He doesn't seem as loving, as affectionate, much less interested. He is in counseling and he has apparently been asked to keep a diary of stuff. I happened to come across it in his car. It was scribbled on computer paper. Some of the stuff he said just blew me away. Much of it I knew, but then I found out things like he is going to ask my uncle for a loan to buy me something for graduation, and how he is not comfortable with that. Reading that just killed me inside. I haven't asked for anything. I know the only reason this is being brought up is my sister. I feel bad that I know where the money is coming from. I feel bad my dad has to do that, especially when he is so fragile emotionally. I am not, and still don't feel ok with my dad doing that. As The Guy said, it is his choice. I know that, but that my dad is doing this hurts. I know that a lot of my dad's pride is lost when he has to do that, that he feels obligated, perhaps like I'm asking for it. I'M NOT.

We talked more about my dad's health and how I think it is being kept a secret. Sure it is easy to see what is going on at Kaiser if we were to log onto my dad's health records, but he is now being treated a great deal at the VA for service related problems. We can't see those, and I think that is where my dad is going for the stuff he isn't telling my mom and I about.

The Guy did pep me up by saying that I have been so strong. I have battled the system. Everytime I Have an issue at my college whether it be with grades, administration, whatever, I battle it. I have been able to graduate in 4 because of that. He said that maybe I shouldn't have seen that. He knows if what my dad had written were in such plain sight, he would have done the same. He said at least my uncle is making a good investment. My uncle pays tons in taxes each year, so my uncle is benefitting because I'm an investment. He is regifting the money toward me, which for the amount in loans my dad is asking from my uncle for school, as well as a gift is going for a good cause because I won't waste my time. I'll get in, get my credential, be in the classroom, and that I truly care about kids is more than a worthy investment. It made me feel better to think of it that way. I just feel weird around my uncle and stuff like that. What's more is I'm almost 100% sure my mom does not know about this, and my dad is going to keep it that way.

The Guy and I think the reason sister is doing all of this is so that she can ensure she gets something for her graduation in a few years. If I don't, she won't. Lame.

The Guy asked if I wanted to go to Best Buy with him so he could buy Vonage. We hit Best Buy and the Farmers Market. We also picked up his drycleaning.

Josh and him were doing sushi for dinner, so The Guy took off about 6:45 to pick that up and I headed to the rally. We hugged before we headed off in our own direction.

This has actually turned into a really tough post to write that I was debating about, but I just let it all out. I feel like I'm letting everyone in and seeing all of my family's weaknesses and vulnerabilities. It just seems like TMI, but whatever. I cried a lot while writing this. I was mainly going to blog about Chris and keep it nice and short, but I didn't realize how big the dad issue was to this post and how I need to vent.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Lots of Chris

I have been so busy I haven't had time to update. So basically I have been texting Chris quite a bit. We have been keeping in pretty good touch. Text here and there...

I think we hung out last Friday night? Maybe? Actually it was last Tuesday-Wednesday and I recall. It was very random. I was free, he was free, it was about 8p.m., we watched an episode of Chelsea Lately.

We hung out on Saturday afternoon I recall for sure. I was apprehensive because he was spending the day with his son, plus would we be doing stuff in front of the kid? I told him no worries, we could hang out another day. I didn't want to impose on his time with him, but he said he was just cleaning up the house. After much convincing I headed on over to his old house- where his ex wife lives. His ex was gone, WHEW! We hugged when we saw each other, then he showed me around. He introduced me to his son who was very shy. We decided to walk from his house to Red Robin for dinner. He pushes his son in the little car he has all the way down there with diaper bag and all. I get his son a balloon when we go in, which he enjoyed for a moment until he lost it. Got him another and tied it to his high chair. His son nibbled on corn and we sat in amazement laughing, watching him inhale and get it all over the place I mean. We talked about what we did that day and stuff like that. He had a photo shoot at his old house for work. We talk about random stuff, then go back to his place where we watch Desperate Housewives, watch his son play, then he gives his son a bath. We then walk back to his old place so he can put his son to bed and we hang out on the couch cuddling after he is in bed. His wife was supposed to be home at 9, so he sends me back to his place with the key at 8:40. I finish up the finale of Desperate Housewives and he gets back about 9:40. I was a little worried for a while. He joked I had to finish Desperate Housewives before he arrived back because we were going to have playtime after. He walked in just as I finished and I was texting him "perfect timing" as I didn't realize he was on his way in when he texted. We hung out watching an episode of Chelsea Lately, then we went into the bedroom. We kissed, hugged, talked, and he sucked me off. I wanted to go down on him and should have. I was laying on top of him and should have when I had the opportunity. THe one thing holding me back? The precum. There was TONS and it wasn't hot, but next time I will. We played until after 12:15, 15 minutes after I normally would have turned into a pumpkin.

He texted me Sunday I think it was, and also Monday. We both texted each other asking what we were up to. I knew he had his son Monday, so I asked how he spoiled him that day. He took him to the pool.

I texted him this afternoon when I was at The Guy's. He texted back telling me about his day, his root canal, stuff like that. He asked where I was and I told him the city I was in. He said I was near him. I texted "so close, yet so far." He texted a sad face or something back, and I said, but "I'll be heading your way soon," so I did. I went to the rally for about 45 minutes, as I said, then went to his place about 7:45. We hugged and talked about what we've been up to over the past couple days- like every detail- the interesting stuff. We chatted about how The Guy dated his best friend and I said that was who I was hanging out with. He laughed and told me how funny that was that our friends dated. (I'LL POST THE BACKSTORY TOMORROW- THE TALK WITH THE GUY). We watched an episode of "Chelsea Lately," yet again, and talked about some TV shows. We made fun of Cloris Leachman.

We go into the bedroom after and relax. We cuddle, kiss, and makeout. I am eager and go for his pants to get his dick. Already I feel all the precum through his boxer briefs, but continue rubbing. We kiss and he is on top of me most of the time, so it is hard to move and move to his dick. He ends up going down on me for a moment until he hears both of our stomachs. Then we head to PF Changs, and I drive. He is amused by the little gadgets in my car. My car is high tech, I'll tell you. I forgot where the PF Changs was for a moment, which provided for much entertainment as I maneuvered my way there. We chat about iPhones and things like that. We eat quickly, then head back to his place. I hug him as he exits my car. He is tired and needed a Vicodin.

He texted me on the way home thanking me for stopping by and how I make him smile. I sent him a wink back and told him that I enjoyed being with him.

8 Rally

Ended up meeting Foot Fetish and Dennis there. I parked over near the old Circuit City, but they had parked by the mall and were standing at the other street corner across the street. Took some time to find them. When we arrived at the Rancho Cucamonga rally about 7:30 there were people on 2 street corners and probably 100 people (I'm bad with guessing numbers). The 3 of us didn't have signs, but we stood along the streetcorner to show our support. We were kind of in the background. It was kind of interesting at first not a lot of people were honking, but lots of angry people, and lots of people flipping us off. The people there all seemed to know each other and Foot Fetish knew some of the people. We of course screamed/wooed when someone did honk. I only stayed for about 30 minutes because I had somewhere to go. I did see that by 10p.m. they were still out the 4 street corners, in the center islands, and there were probably 4 times the crowd that was there at 7:30. Overall, it really was exciting to be there and felt good for taking part in it. I do have to admit I was scared at first for probably trivial reasons- what if my mom or someone saw me on the front page of one of the newspapers if they were out here covering this? What if something bad happens? What if someone throws something? Stupid stuff, but all in all, I am glad I took part in it for at least some time and would love to do it again. Everyone who was there was just so friendly.

Prop 8 rally

I plan to be at the rally tonight in Rancho Cucamonga to protest the 8 decision with Foot Fetish and Dennis.

Find a rally near you...
There are protests in several states including Arizona, Florida, Illinois, Kentucky, New York, and more to protest the Cali State Supreme Court decision.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Guy updates

Texting Hottie - we still chat via text about once a week. He'll probably just end up being a friend- no complaints.

Carl - Got a message from him on myspace last night. I was so tempted to write back a scathing e-mail totally belittling him and his behavior. I refrained. I can't be friends with him right now. I knew he'd miss me. If he hadn't been so accusing and unforgiving maybe we'd still be friends. Oh well.

i miss hanging out with you! i hope we can still be friends. i may go to back to school soon.


Was tempted to even just write something sort and sweet like "of course you do!" I didn't because I don't need to be playing his game. Secondly, he is hurting, and while it might make me feel good for a moment my words will hurt him and I'll feel bad about it later.

Frat Boy - Remember him? Remember how I mentioned it didn't seem like it was his first time being with a guy? Well, I was right. This week he called me asking if I remembered what we did when we were together because he has gonorrhea. Well. Thanks for telling me. We only made out in his car and I wasn't going further. Glad I didn't. It did give me a scare- lots of crying, nervousness, and worry on my end. I called The Guy right after I found out and we discussed it. Basically it was a bummer, but if I had it, it is curable. Only way to know for sure was to be tested. I broke down this week and went for an STD test at Kaiser. EEEK! I just hope my mom doesn't log onto my medical records on the Kaiser website where it says I requested the test. She has no reason to. She doesn't snoop. I am not going to worry. I don't have it.

Chris- I told The Guy that I went on a date with him. He knew the name. He said that it was funny and a small world. He had nothing but praise for his ex and said that he is sure Chris is a quality guy.

Graduation - I counted up my graduation tickets and I have 1 extra since my family is so small. I am tempted to ask The Guy to go. He won't have to sit with my family, but it would mean a lot to me in that he has been there for 2 1/2 years of my college experience and so in a way it feels like he shared it with me. The ticket is either for him or my mom's hairdresser. Another thing, my aunt is throwing some sort of party for me (either rented room at expensive restaurant for a few close friends and family, or a large dinner before the ceremony with friends and family). Either way I will get to have a few friends come- I'm thinking Gonzo, Darla, Dennis, and The Guy. I feel comfortable in that he would be friendly, fit in I'm sure, I'm not ashamed of having him as a friend, and stuff like that. I don't think my parents would even think he is gay or that we've "been together" meeting him. Sexuality shouldn't even come into the mix if we're just meeting for a nice dinner. I have been mostly truthful when I bring up his name- 30 or so years old, college student, works for dad, brother is an actor, brilliant with literature and computers. My parents know how he has helped me with my computers. Only real lie is Spanish- he doesn't speak a word of Spanish and that's where I told my parents I know him from when I started using his name. It also gave me an excuse to keep going over to his place to "work on Spanish" when we first met. My lies have greatly diminshed- now I'm simply going over to The Guy's. I'm just worried my mom in trying to get to know him at dinner will bring up past Spanish teachers, Spanish classes, stuff like that, and my lies will all come undone. I could talk to The Guy beforehand, and he knows at first when we met, I lied. But the fact I did it now embarrasses me. Having other friends there, all of whom know of at least The Guy should be ok and diminish any awkward situations. So to invite to dinner (and graduation) or not? Would it be bad in that he is older than the rest of my friends and he would stick out? Am I asking for trouble? Any thoughts?

Thursday, May 21, 2009


Can someone tell me what the appeal is with this shirt? I had probably 10 comments today while subbing from 7th grade boys and girls about how cool it was. I am unsure what the appeal was, I didn't bother to ask as the kids were so rambunctious today and it was everything to keep them quiet. Is it the dragon? The snaps? Certainly not the color.


I've said before my mom can usually understand what I say when I write or talk in Spanish. She has has less Spanish than my dad in school, but she used it in the business world and in teaching when she first started out. My dad had a couple years of Spanish and he knows the grammatical portion of the language best.

Anyways, my mom and I were randomly talking about my Spanish class today and she asked what I've done in there. I told her, and she asked to see some of the stuff I've written. It was pretty fun she understood 90% of what I wrote, then asked why I used certain words over others, and meanings of various words. Fun times. I enjoyed it.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Who am I? What am I?

Talked with my therapist the other day about defining who I am. What characteristics am I most proud of? What do I want people to see me as?

This left me upset and wondering for hours. It seemed as if the therapist was suggesting that I don't have something clearcut, but that doesn't really make sense. We ran out of time just as I finished naming things. So I'm just kind of flushing out ideas that I talked with him about. I didn't know if they were suggesting I was doing too much and taking on too much, or whether I need a clear cut single hat that I wear and that's me.

A dedicated friend who will go the extra mile for you, is there to listen, and support.
A son/family member meaning I'm there for my dad in this difficult time, and do so much to help out (taking dad to doctor, cooking dinner, handling stuff related to my grandma and aunt, there for my family in hard times).
Teacher who supports the students making sure they are comfortable in the classroom setting/create a positive learning environment.
A gay guy who is more or less comfortable with himself and those knowing, even though it has cost me friendships (like The Mike's).

Quirky- I don't take myself too seriously and I tend to say what is on my mind, which may come out quirky. Is this a bad characteristic?
Bitchy/sarcastic- I can go from 0 to bitch in 3 seconds, can you? Piss me off and I can be someone you don't want to cross. I can also just be bitchy to be funny.
Serious- I know when to be serious and when to not. Sometimes I think I'm too serious, but then I question my quirkiness and wonder if I'm not too quirky and not serious enough.
Mature- Able to handle tough situations (stuff with aunt, dad, etc.)
Studious- Good grades, good GPA, [somewhat-it varies] dedicated student
Caring- I care deeply, and I know I sort of have that guilt persona where I worry so much, and part of me worries about hurting those around me because I care.
Dedicated- will get it done. PERIOD.
Adventurous- I like to try new things, go new places, try new foods, and will try most anything once.

Was the therapist saying I take on too much? Is it about how friends/people perceive me? I just know that I was really bothered and after a couple days it still is something I'm questioning. I think another thing is that I'm wondering how people see me, especially with the loss of Mike and other friends. Yes. I know, get over them because they're not good friends. I feel that I am over, but I just wonder and am questioning what I am, who I am, my flaws, what I need/want to change/work on. I think part of the reason I am posting this is I do want some feedback/am curious to know what people think since it has bothered me this much. I know I'm opening up myself to a lot of potential ridicule/people telling me I'm a good guy, don't worry, by doing this, and I know this is one sided, you just getting my thoughts, so it is not objective, but I am curious as how I'm perceived. Do I have flaws?

I think there needs to be a balance between quirky and serious. I think I match that pretty well. At work I know when I can choke, be funny, less serious with a kid. I know when I need to take control and lead. I can do this in the classroom setting when I'm a student and there is a teacher. I can be serious when needed when dealing with family stuff and less serious 95% of the time. I am not business 100% of the time. I just know I think how to act when in the right situation and deal. I think the bitchy just adds to the mix. It is fun. It is me. I think I'm fine not having a single clearcut, wonderful, shining characteristic. This is what makes me unique.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Dancing With The Stars

I was messaging Chris via phone and AIM all day yesterday. Last night he messaged me on AIM asking what I was doing. I said homework. He said bring it on over. I said I guess. More chatting ensued and I said I guess I could come over. We chatted about what we were watching. I asked if he watches "Dancing With the Stars." He said no. He told me he knows I do and how gay I am. I denied it. He asked whether I was coming over and I said I guess. He said I say I guess a lot and we joked about how I wasn't being serious. I said I was interesting in going.

We were going to watch Dancing with the Stars. I get to his place about 8:45p.m., 45 minutes after it would have started. We hug, then go sit down on the couch. He shows me how he was able to vacuum the whole house since I took so long. We turn on Dancing with the Stars, but decide Chelsea Lately looks so much better. We watch 2 episodes, sitting, laughing on the couch. It was really fun. Then after 2 minutes of Dancing With the Stars he is bored, so we decide to watch Desperate Housewives on his laptop in the bedroom since I missed it.

We go in the bedroom and he said the rule was pants off. We both take our pants off and cuddle up under the covers. We kiss, make out, while the show plays in the background. The show pauses and we don't bother to hit the play button as we're too busy making out. We roll around in bed and eventually both jack ourselves off for about 2 hours.

Again, I had to leave by midnight so I wouldn't turn into a pumpkin.

Haven't heard from him much today. He asked me if I had to work since I hadn't been called to sub last night. I was called to sub this morning.

My mom's take on music

We know my dad has no problems comment on every song, albeit usually negatively if it is not oldies or classic country, however my mom is a little different.

My mom likes very few songs outside of the oldies realm. She will listen to KOST 1035 (Soft rock with less talk) however, so if it is played on there, she probably likes it.

So of course there is Faith Hill, who is country, but puts her in a happy mood with songs like "This Kiss."

There are the Backstreet Boys, to which she always says, "I know your sister doesn't like them, but I like any boy band that can harmonize." OR "I remember when your aunt said she liked BSB and I laughed at her."

"This is such a beautiful song, her voice is so delicate." OR "It doesn't sound all that country." OR "Again, I don't understand why your sister doesn't like it. It is sweet."

When I do have it on a country station or something she normally doesn't listen to she rarely complains. She does however ask something in a playful way, like "are these the values you really want to teach to your kids, drinking and cold beers?"

Saturday, May 16, 2009


So I know I said I was going to stay home and study last night. I was. I was texting Chris all day, however. I met Chris last weekend when I was house sitting for The Guy, and we went on a date, date #1 apparently to Chilis. We have chatted back and forth via text several times a day asking what each other was up to and sharing stories. We started texting about 4:30 yesterday about any plans for the night. I said nada. Then he said "hmmm." He texted me about 20 minutes asking what I wanted to do. I thought he was asking what I wanted to do with him. I told him I was easy going and anything sounded good. He said "ooooh, you want to hang out with me? :-)." So with all of that we decided we'd meet a his place and go to Victoria Gardens.

I got to his apartment about 6:30 and he is outside. We missed each other. He walked outside to help me find it, but I was already there. We go in and he shows me around- his cats; his son's photos because he did the straight life prior to coming out, is divorced, and has a 1 year old; his TV, and his son's room and bathroom. He has split custody of the kid and it doesn't really bother me. He asked if it would. We sit down and I set up Spaces on his Mac for him and check movie times for "Angels and Demons." We're sitting on the couch together touching each other. He has his hand on my leg throughout all of this.

We head off a few minutes later and he tells me his best friend was texting him about being at Victoria Gardens and being a french whore or something because he was with girls and trying on perfumes. We get into his VW SUV and he told me to tell him where I want to eat. We drive around first to kill time looking at where the old CompUSA used to be and things like that. Then he shows me his car and the sensors, and his radio that gets bad reception, yet it is a top of the line radio. We decide to eat at Mel's Diner by Ontario Mills. We go in and listen to the music, sing, flirt, talk about work, and what we want to eat. Then I see it. On the table. There was a message from "Michael." Michael was The Guy's last boyfriend- before Josh, before me (if we were). Mike is the one who The Guy went out with prior to meeting me who broke his heart just after Valentines day of 07. OMG. I was thinking wow, small world. I am 10 miles from The Guy's house, Mike lives in Hollywood, and his best friend is Chris. Shows how connected the gay community is. He told me how his best friend is not the best role model for being gay. He has had gonorrhea multiple times and has slept around with 4-5 guys in the same day and how he did that with his last serious boyfriend, whom I know HAPPENS TO BE THE GUY. Then there's me, who was seeing this fellow on our 2nd date. Is he like that? Hmm... dunno... questions.

We go across to Ontario Mills to see "Angels and Demons." While waiting for the movie to start we're again sitting very close, touching each other. We're on our phones playing against each other in a game called Scramble on our iPhones. I keep beating his high score. He was sad that I do everything better than him. There was lots of holding hands and cuddling during the movie.

It got out about 11 and we raced back to his place because I was going to expire at midnight he deemed since I had my CSET today. We parked, walked up the stairs to his apartment, and made out on his bed and touched each other for the next 50 minutes. Not the most experienced kisser, but I think that was good because I got to be more dominant when it came to taking charge with kisses. He laid on top of me the entire time.

At midnight he put my shirt back on and then went to the kitchen. He told me I needed some water because it would be healthy for me because I have a test today. I took the water and then we hugged. He walked me to my car and I showed him the keyless system it has. He told me I need to take the dealer plate off the front. I told him I took it off the back and he ran to the back to confirm that I did. I have a silver license plate frame that says the model of my car in back.

I got home about 12:30 and expired for the next 8 or so hours.

So here's my points of contention. I'm just bringing this up and thinking about it because I know who Michael is. I am not sure if The Guy knows who Chris is. I know that I have to be careful now when talking about Chris around The Guy. I haven't told The Guy about him. I am sure when I do he'll want to see a pic and stuff like that, and know about him. He may know who Michael's best friend is, and may say it is him. I don't know. I know I'll have the urge to say it is Michael's best friend. I am sure he'll say that's bad news or something to that effect. I kind of want to say something because The Guy may know about Chris and be able to give me more info on him. I kind of want to say because I trust The Guy and his input. I know I'm treading on tough ground here by bringing up the relationship/friendship of Michael and his best friend, as well as The Guy. I know I don't have to tell The Guy everything, even. I just worry that if we do end up dating and I don't tell him when my name is possibly/could be tossed around it might make things interesting.

I know however that Chris wants a third date and we have been talking quite a bit today. He wished me luck on the test, asked how it went, and what I'm up to. I still feel like I know so little about this guy, yet I do know some stuff. Hmmmm.

Update: I checked out Chris' facebook and discovered 3 friends in common with The Guy, which isn't to be unexpected. It just means I have to be careful.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Life has gotten in the way

Life has gotten in the way this week. I seem to be on the go nonstop.

Monday- School 10-4, then ran to Rancho for the Apple Store, then studied for the CSET
Tuesday- Worked 7-2:30, then studied for the CSET that evening
Wednesday- School 10-12, then worked 12:30-2:30, then studied with The Guy, went to the gym, and more studying
Thursday- Worked 7-2:30, then did lots of work related stuff until 4, then allergy shots, gym, and studying for the CSET.
Friday- Worked 7:45-9:30, school 10-11, back at work from 11:30-2:30, vegging until after dinner, then more studying
Saturday- nice calm morning planned, big lunch, then test from 1:30-7
Sunday- tons of homework- reading for Spanish, WMST and Spanish research paper proposals (both are my finals for the classes, btw), and art class reading
Monday- Dentist at 8a.m., school 10-4
Tuesday- work (probably)
Next week: Start on Women's Studies group presentation

Other things:
- Haven't heard or seen Carl since the fallout (WHEW!)
- My new partner in Spanish, Steven, is AWESOME. He is such a shy guy and we've only spoken a few words in person, but he does the work and writes long detailed emails about his ideas
- My dad isn't doing so well and it is really hurting me to see
- Aunt in Nor Cal drama continues, but this week has been amusement more than anything. She sinks to new lows daily.
- Branching out in the clothing department this week. Wore brown khakis, pink buttondown shirt on Monday. Today I wore a purple AE t-shirt and blue jeans. Got lots of complements both days.

And since I've been busy as we can see I need to plan some fun. The fun this weekend will be visiting McDonalds and writing a review in English and Spanish for my professional website about them. I will also visit Starbucks for a comparison.

Update: My boss said he'd have the recommendation for me by today to review and edit. Edit was an understatement. In 3 paragraphs with a total of 14 sentences I counted 11 errors (basic grammar and spelling). I've seen other things he has written, and he cannot spell. He spells gym "j-i-m" if that gives you an indication. He told me to edit and make suggestions. I'm really embarrassed to take it back to him. I am thinking of writing him a short note thanking him for the praise and how I am really grateful for it, then just in a pencil go through and edit.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Redneck Mississippi Friend

Had to pick on my best friend tonight. He is so redneck now. He is buying his girlfriend a shotgun for her birthday.

Here's the convo:
Friend: guess what i bought?
Me: Another gun?
Friend: a Ruger this time
Friend: very hard to come by
Me: What for?
Friend: my girl
Me: does your girlfriend shoot?
Friend: no
Me: then why?
Friend: it would be nice if she had protection
Me: is she going to carry it in her purse?
Friend: if she gets a permit
Me: in Mississippi of all places you're worried about your girlfriend being mugged or something?
Me: or maybe a wild animal getting in her way?
Me: wouldn't it be more probable and necessary in a place like Cali or LA to carry a gun in your purse?
Friend: if she were in LA there is no doubt she'd be carrying it with her
Me: LA is crawling with cops
Friend: there's lots of crazy homeless people
Me: and in Mississippi there's lots of crazy rednecks
Friend: you're treading on a thin line there bud
Me: I know!
Friend: you buy a gun hoping you never have to use it but it is always there for you
Friend: in this day in age you can't be too safe
Friend: but when you buy a gun you need to keep in mind one that will meet your needs
Friend: the Ruger is great for everyday use
Me: for random drive-bys? I think that's about all the use I'd get out here in Cali
Me: smoke some homies in a drive-by?
Friend: you're the reason that cali is so scary
Me: Thanks!
Friend: that's the reason people need guns

I think we all know I'm not going to go smoke some homies with my cholos, so we're all ok.

We also combatted other earth shattering issues. Importance of stereotypes and importance of securing our borders.
Basically in summation I am against stereotyping, but he is for it in that it gives a look into the ideas and values of the culture.
And the "Lean Like a Cholo" song, which I introduced him further demonstrates his point- he pulled up a news article about the percentage of fat latinos, things like that. Oh well... one issue at a time...

He's fun.

Study Session

I passed 3 of the 4 sections on my CSETs when I took them last month. The section that hurt me was the Speech, Media, and Creative Performance section. It has questions like asking the importance of lighting in a play and you have to explain how a light might be used on a character and the significance. Sound easy? Yes. I thought. It seemed easy enough, but I realized after talking with The Guy a couple of my answers were sort of cheesy. This section was cheesy in my opinion, though. We discussed my answers a few weeks ago and he said he'd be more than willing to sit down and help me study. I called him yesterday to ask when he'd be free. We both had a few hours today.

I was surprised to have an email from him this morning. Not a text. I was at school when he sent it and he told me how excited he was to meet at 3 thirteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. We had a really fun convo, I thought, about the most random stuff. Enchiladas, being Mexican, bacon, and the devil. LMAO. We cover all bases. That kept me occupied in Women's Studies today when I should have been paying attention. No worries there! Didn't miss anything. I can pay attention and multitask.

I get to his place at 3:30 as he emerges from his cat nap in the bedroom. We both use the bathroom, then go sit down on the couch with the dog. The Guy asks what I need help with and I show him the material. He says great and I give him the book. He jokes around eyeing back at me while I'm sitting there and reading in funny voices. I told him the best way to help me would be to read me the scenario and have me respond because it would be thinking on my toes, like with the test, but also he could provide his feedback.

He asked the first question and I responded. He kept telling me to back up and he interjected his thoughts. I noticed I was becoming a little defensive and he told me an area I could have probably said more or done better. I stopped that immediately when I realized he probably had something valid to say. We chatted and worked through each one. When he was giving me examples he worked sex like "Bob met Sally at the door, they hugged, embraced, then he grabbed her body, and ran up the stairs and raped her." Random stuff like that. He precautioned me however, not to use examples like his.

He made the determination probably what killed me on one of the questions that was worded very simliar to another question I had done on the actual test was that I made generalizations and kind of skirted around the issue. I think I got some good feedback and that was cool. I feel better.

We studied for about an hour, then we discussed a random Maya Angelou poem because I was breaking it apart looking for literary devices (figurative language, tone, alliteration, onomatopeia, etc.) and I was honestly hearing him break down this poem. He is the Masters in Lit, or soon to be, however. He seems amazing when he talks about stuff, so I just said I wanted to know how he'd talk about this poem. It was amazing. I am nowhere near his level. He asked me what I'd talk about- I said onomatopeia, rhyme scheme, and alliteration like they suggested and how I'd mention those, but he took it further. He brought in so much background and stuff it was just incredible to sit there. I was in awe. I can sit there and discuss literature like that, sound fairly intelligent, but he is the one who takes it a step further. He said that alliteration wasn't the big literary device used like the study book suggested. He argued the more important part was the rhyme scheme and how beautiful and how much that added to the poem, as well as the slant rhyme. I was blown away and glad I asked just for the hell of it. I can't find the poem online, it is in one of her books, otherwise I'd post it here. It was called "Worker's Song."

The Guy went in the computer room and we looked at guys on and he winked at them. We discussed hot guys. He thought he looked better than the "older" mid 30s guys on there. He did. He had hair, he joked. We chatted about work and how things are going for both of us.

We went into the kitchen and he made us a smoothie with acai, orange, acai with blueberry, blueberries, and strawberries. It wasn't as tarty as usually, but had a sort of bitter tone to it. It was good, though, and I drank the whole thing.

He had to leave at 6 to go workout, but we had a good time, and I feel a lot more prepared. He made me consider a lot of things I might not have for the test. I'm ready for Saturday...

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

I'm a country boy

Patty, my friend from my old church/childhood messaged me yet again on facebook today. I had just installed Beejive on my iPhone for facebook instant messenger when she did. She said that her fellow Go Country 105 friend needed to join her at her college tonight for some line dancing. LMAO. I can just about do that and not look like a fool. Despite my shortcomings in the dancing department, I said sure.

Patty said I had to match her outfit since we were going to be partners in crime on the dance floor. We both wore white buttondown shirts, blue jeans, and brown shoes. I wore my brown Diesels. She even donned a cowboy hat, which I didn't have. A lot of the people really took their western outfits seriously. Lots were in jeans and t-shirts, boots, or western shirts.

I two stepped my way down to the school and I saw about 10 people I knew from high school there like Deanna, Kristin, Kyle, Steve, Kolby, and more. It was a whole lot of fun. It was held in the gym and before each song the instructors told you how to line dance and showed you the moves to each song. The instructors own the country bar that I have gone to with my cousins quite a bit. There were probably 100 people there. I think it was mostly like the people who are really involved on campus/live on campus. It was about 1 1/2 hours. It was fun since I'm sure for many of the people this was their first time line dancing. The instructors kept saying you can line dance to anything, and we did. I wish my school did fun things like this.

We lined danced to a lot of fun songs like:
- Honkytonk Badonkadonk by Trace Adkins- soooooooooo fun to dance to.... shaking your ass is always fun... and is a fun song in general
- Barefoot and Crazy- Jack Ingram
- Seasons of Love- RENT
- Don't Take The Girl- Tim McGraw
- Picture to Burn- Taylor Swift
- This Kiss- Faith Hill
- Baby's Got Her Blue Jeans On- Sammy Kershaw
- Fast Cars and Freedom- Rascal Flatts
- Roxanne- The Police
- Sober- Pink

Sunday, May 10, 2009

House sitting

The Guy asked me to house sit this past week for him since he was going to SF for his birthday. I said sure.

The Guy and Zach leave early Friday morning. We text each other back and forth several times that day about whether I got in OK, what I was doing, things like that. He also texts me 3-4 times to tell me he left $100 in the fridge for food since had nothing.

I get to his place about 8p.m. Friday night and am overcome by the smell of his dog. His dog doesn't smell bad. Well most of the time he doesn't, but my allergies were heightened for some reason that night. I put the comforter from the bed in the dryer to air it out and make it smell better. While sitting on the couch I realized the comforter there, as well as all the pillows on the couch smelled like dog or stale. The Guy's house doesn't smell that bad, and he isn't a complete slob, but well, it is allergy season and my allergies are horrible. I just gave everything 20 minute spins in the dryer, which did the trick. I could breathe again. I did however have a couple bad allergy attacks this weekend.

I was there for about an hour when The Guy calls. He said Jeff was on his way over. Jeff showed up a few minutes later and wanted to use the internet. He was going to work on his website, ended up playing WOW, and then his friend Jeff came over, whom I've never met. Jeff and I ended up watching the Star Trek trailer and after he declared he was cumming over it we needed to go see it. We decided on the theater and then when his friend Jeff showed up we took off. We got to the theater 45 minutes early, which was nice. I saw my mom's former boss and so I talked to him and told him about my mom's ordeal at work and all the problems with that. I wanted to hang out with Jeff and his friend, but it was cool to see my mom's boss because he is going to try to help her out. We talked up until the movie was about to start. We go in and I swear we cummed for 2 hours. It was just so hot. The action. The guys. Captain Kirk. The movie lets out at 12:40a.m. We all go back to The Guy's place and watch dumb Lady Gaga and Britney videos until 3a.m. I sort of kicked them out, or nicely told them I was tired because I had to get up at 9a.m. It was weird hanging out with Jeff since we've never hung out together like that without The Guy. It was really nice of him to include me, though, and made me feel good.

Saturday I had to go to Chinatown in LA for school. Didn't enjoy my trip as much as last time when I went to LA. Did snap a few shots and did enjoy it overall. Went to the mall after near The Guy's house and walked around. Treated myself to some Spanish paella for dinner. I snacked on pot stickers later that night at The Guy's. I got a call from Chris, some random guy I've been chatting with on connexion. He wanted to meet since he was bored and lives near The Guy. I said sure. We met at Chilis where we had endless chips and Diet Cokes. Then we had cheesecake for dessert. I ate so much and felt so fat. We spent close to 2 1/2 hours talking about iPhones, technology and school. He seems like a cool guy.

I get back to The Guy's place and I was horny. I was also kind of tense because I was beating myself up over some stuff. The Mike who made the Gary Busey comment had called me and I didn't pick up because I wasn't going to play any games and didn't want to hear what he had to say. I didn't do any homework like I'd planned. I needed to relax and it was late. I decided The Guy had some frozen strawberries, raspberries, tons of strawberry margarita mix and tequila. I needed a nice strong strawberry raspberry margarita, which was quite good. The Guy also had tons of poppers laying around. No joke- he has 3-4 bottles in the bathroom drawer, 3-4 in the kitchen tool drawer, 3-4 in the computer room, and a half dozen bottles in his bedroom and for the hell of it I decided to get high. And I did. And so that was that. The margarita was good, I watched some porn on The Guy's Apple TV, got off, and yes, got high. It was a good night and I was much more relaxed afterward. I was also thinking The Guy is probably out getting drunk or stoned, so why don't I? I'll feel better. I was right. Talked to him today and he was doing both.

Mom's day was pretty good. My mom loved the summer dress and cover up I bought her. It was brown with coral flowers on it and had a coral cover up to go with it. We ate at Sizzler since sis will eat there. It was packed.

Forgot to leave the key for The Guy's house so had to make another trip back to his house, which just put me in a bitchy mood. And he was tired and wanting to sleep, further putting me in a bad mood. I understand he was tired. I just didn't want to have to turn right around and come home. Oh well, I'm in a good mood right now. Chatting with the guy Chris that I met last night at Chilis.

Friday, May 8, 2009

His true colors show

Foot Fetish posted something on my wall on facebook this morning. He put a giant picture from this site on my facebook ( and suggested that I make a contribution. He knows, and is jealous, that I have an iPhone. We're always discussing new Apple products, so it wasn't a big deal.

I was a little shocked when he posted it on my wall because he knows I'm not out. I know he wasn't being facetious and it was just something he found amusing and wanted to share with me. I was thinking about deleting the comment for a very brief moment, but I didn't. Why? I'm gay. I have nothing to hide. I am not ashamed. And maybe it would be my coming out to people who don't know.

Remember the other night I was texting one of the Mike's and the whole Gary Busey comment? Well, this afternoon I get this message from the other Mike on facebook.

"I am going to go ahead and delete you as a friend cause this picture in my Highlights bar is just disgusting. If you want, you can add me back in a week or two when your "Guys with iPhones" Picture goes away."

I was a little sad at first that he did this because Mike has a big mouth, and we know how word travels with him, so I'm sure in about an hours time most of my former good friends will know. Then I thought about it and so what Mike? So what? I'm gay. You're a stupid, hard headed, Bible loving, conservative who can't accept that I'm not heterosexual. Screw yourself. I thought about writing him a snarky message back, like "are you jealous that even though you have an iPhone you're not good enough looking to be featured on that site?" "If you'll notice Mike, I wasn't the one who posted the picture."

It does hurt, I mean Mike used to be a great friend. I have explained to him, as well as the others, what happened with my sister, and how I did not send out the texts. I have done so much to try to help and repair my relationship with Mike. When my sister texted him saying she was glad he lost his job days before I was there sending him links to jobs he was qualified for in fields he is interested in because I was worried and cared for him. I have apologized profusely, my dad has, and so has my sister with her letters. I offered Mike everything I could. I was devastated after the whole issue with this, but I am moving on. It has been tough.

Just for the hell of it, I was hoping that my gay friends and friends who thought the photo was hot would make a comment on my picture or put "I like it" just to piss Mike off because I know he'll be looking at my facebook through the other Mike, as well as to make me feel good, like look at me Mike, I have all these people who like it, so hahahahahahahaha.

Overall as upset as I sound, I'm really not. Mike is an ass. I don't need him in my life.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

I'm fucking amazing- I piss glitter or something... I dunno

More stories from my Women's Studies class...

I sent an e-mail about the midterm the other day to the professor that read:

Hi Jodi,

I was just wondering how to cite the articles for the midterm given that they are journal articles, but we have not been provided with the source or journal that they come from. What would you like us to put?

Also, do you want one big works cited page, or a list of sources used after each question?



Her reply was:


That is a fucking amazing question. Thank you. You are fucking brilliant. I posted the bibliographic info today to aid you and your peers. I think that one "big works cited page." You deserve a big ass hoorah! I will also mention it in class today.

Best of work and rock on,

So today in class, she said that she had some important class business to take care of and how fucking brilliant one of the students in the class was. She said that I needed to stand up so that she could recognize me for asking such an awesome question. She then demanded the class give me a round of applause. I was halfway embarrassed as to me it came off like I was kissing major ass, or something. The class clapped. I tried to hide my head.

After feeling inspired because I'm so brilliant, I came home tonight and finished my midterm for that class.

I would have settled for being like this:

piss glitter Pictures, Images and Photos

Can you believe this woman? THIS WAS AN EMAIL- ON THE CAMPUS EMAIL SYSTEM. I'm not shitting you. LMAO.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009


I have an acquaintance, Juan, a big, burly latino guy, who is probably 28 or so, who is just graduating from massage school and he was asking me the other day if I would let him give me a massage so that he could post the review I gave on his website, as well as get some practice. Most friends turned him down because they thought it was awkward to be nude in front of a friend, but also because he is a big guy (220lbs or so) that he'd crush them. I figured he knows what he is doing since he just graduated. It was a win-win. I got a free massage, which was soooooo welcome after this week, and he got his review for his website. I met him through my friend Jenny.

I get over to his place about 4p.m., just after all the craziness at work happened today, and my big crazy presentation with Steven (which went fabulous, btw, despite the fact the íon words threw me off in pronunciation). Juan tells me to undress completely, then I could put a towel around myself, and he'd work from there. He comes in just as I was putting the towel around myself. Close call... haha. Well, he went to work with the lotions and everything working on my neck, then down my back, etc. He was doing a Swedish/ deep tissue, and for the mostpart it felt REALLY good. There was one part though, where he was applying pressure to my back and went down on opposing sides of the spine and just about every bone in my back cracked as he was doing it. It was kind of painful and there were lots of places I never knew could crack. I was a little worried. Oh well, the massage continued, and after I was very relaxed I do have to say. My back feels soooo much better, but the whole cracking thing? wow.

I do feel revitalized and ready to take on what comes next, which is crazy to think it was so relaxing. A great back rub could have done it for me where he worked on the knots in my back, but this was good, too! I did feel very relaxed, though!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother

Instead of grappling about what isn't going right in life right now, and what is going wrong, I'm trying to focus on the positive.

Last night I had a most excellent conversation with Dennis. Dennis was the one I was chatting with when I had the Mike texting incident. We chatted once I got home on the internet.

I am a Mac user as many of you know, we were chatting on iChat, and I happened to be listening to iTunes. I have the song title I'm listening to in iTunes broadcast on iChat, and the song "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother" was playing.

Dennis can be very ambiguous/indirect (I think those are the best words) when he talks, and last night was no exception. He was talking about how he was also having a really bad day, and he kind of opened up to me about it. He had some major issues at work and school. YAY, HE OPENED UP!

Dennis got hit by a bike for one, which he was complaining about
Dennis: white bikers aren't my type
Me: too many tattoos?
Me: not into white guys?
Dennis: he was rude, he was the one who ran into me on his bike and told me i was in his way
Me: I would have told him he was in my way and threw it back in his face
Dennis: I LOVE YOU!
Me: I love you too :) (I'm thinking in a platonic way)
Dennis: You always make me feel better
Me: :)
Dennis: Brother
Me: lol
... (a few minutes pass)...
Dennis: Hollies
Me: hmmmm
Dennis: you
Dennis: me
Dennis: no burden is he
Me: where'd he come in? (not realizing what was playing in the background)
Dennis: He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother
Me: oooooh
Me: The Hollies
Dennis: All classics
... (a few minutes pass)...
Me: All the time, KOLA 99.9?
Dennis: Kinda. You're like a brother to me
Me: aaaaaaaaaw
Me: I'm glad, you're like one to me :)

While I might have been a little slow in digesting all of that it, I'm glad to know that "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother."

I'm glad that while friendships with The Mike's, Steve, sure we'll throw Carl into the mix, and others may have waned/ended I have incredible friends like The Guy, Dennis, Foot Fetish, Gonzo, best friend down in MS and even my blogging friends/people I've met through blogging I can chat with about anything and I love the whole unity.

Dennis ended our convo last night by talking about how we need to hang out more. So yay for that... unfortunately it'll probably be next weekend since I have to go to LA/Chinatown for my art class on Saturday. I'm really excited for that to get away and do more exploring.

Monday, May 4, 2009

The feud continues

Remember when my sister did the unthinkable? Remember how I lost several close friendships
? Well, the feud continues.

I was driving home from LA Fitness tonight when I pull up behind a Toyota Highlander. I immediately recognize that The Mike's and Steve are inside. I am on my phone talking to my friend Dennis and at first I tried to play it cool like I didn't see them and act like I'm engrossed in my phone conversation to avoid staring ahead at them. I'm looking around, but nothing out of the ordinary. They realized it was me within a short time too and began turning around, waving at me. I waved back. I thought for a second we were friends again, or willing to put this behind us.

I decided I could shoot them a text and see what was up. I sent a "hi" to one of The Mike's. I get a response back, "How is Gary Busey?" That told me enough. Sure I was mad, but I wasn't expecting much.

BTW I don't think I resemble Gary Busey in the least.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

More song comments from my dad

Dad: Why the hell does she need to be country? I wouldn't want to be associated with that guy and his voice.
Dad: What the hell is a Mississippi hippie? Do they drink their beer from a teacup and wear tie dye?

In the car, listening to STAR 98.7 and the Fray's new cover of "Heartless" comes on. I try to figure out who it is and where I've heard it before. It dawns on me about a minute in.
Dad: What is he whining about?
Me: The same thing Kanye West does. He wants to know how you can be so "heartless."
Dad: His voice is pretty heartless.
I put Kanye's version on since I have it on my iPod.
Dad: He's not heartless. He's a G.
Me: lmao
And I don't think this is a good song for them.

Friday, May 1, 2009


Talked to The Guy as he was driving home from work and he told me he had a couple hours free if I wanted to drive over to hang out with him.

I was about 10 minutes away from The Guy's house and getting food when I got a call from my mom's school.
Me: Hello, this is Mike
Mom's principal with great delight in his voice: Hi Mike, I just wanted to let you know your mom is being let go and I want to offer you a job.
Me: Oh................... (in my mind I'm thinking you're getting rid of her and bringing me in... think there wouldn't be any hurt on my end?)
Principal: Do you want a job?
Me (dumbfounded and a long pause): What is it?
Principal: Uh, subbing 2 days a week next year.
Me: Uh, ok.
Principal: Great! (phone hangs up)

I start to tremble, but call my mom immediately to see what was up. In my mind I'm thinking how employee confidentiality was breached, how that was such an unprofessional move on his end, and how at least my mom has a job. I was just thinking WOW, after 20 years at the school my mom is being transferred. She has 3 different credentials and can teach 3 different subjects. She has only taught home economics and technology, however. She is lucky home ec has lasted this long. I was thinking how fortunate she was it was only a transfer, or at least I was assuming (he used the words "let go"), how she is lucky to have been teaching 20 years when so many thousands of other teachers are being let go, whom I really feel for.

My mom's principal really is the dumbest thing you will meet.

So here's how the convo went with my mom.

Me: Hi.
Mom: Hi honey.
Me: Hi, what's going on?
Mom: I'm just here at school, inputting grades in the computer. It was a long day...
Me: Oh, ok. I'm going to go to The Guy's house.
Mom: How is he?
Me: He's doing pretty well.
Mom: You haven't hung out with him in a while and I'm glad to see you're hanging out with him.
Me: I know. Me too. I just wanted to let you know where I'll be.
Mom: Anything else?
Me: (sounding unsure) Well, I just got a call from your boss, (and by now I'm trembling), and you're being transferred.
Mom: Can you hold on, my boss is walking in?
Me: Sure.
Mom: (puts phone down)
I overhear what is being said on the phone and it couldn't have lasted more than a minute...
Boss with gleam in his voice: Hi, I just wanted you to know you're being transferred next year, effective immediately. I never had to worry, I was a social studies teacher.
Mom: Oh, well, thanks boss.
Boss: You're quite welcome.
Mom waits a few moments until boss exits
Mom: Well, I just heard it. I'm going to make an appointment with HR. Linda will be walking through my room and I can't tell her. I have to go.
Me: Ok.
Mom: Love you.
Me: Love you, bye.
(Read how un-compassionate this man is.)

I was on my way to get food for The Guy and I as a thank you for some favors I did for him last weekend. He was going to pay me back for the food. I get the food and I'm just thinking WOW. I was shocked. My mom has been there so long and she is leaving her best friends like Mrs. S, Mrs. C, C, S, R, and more. I contain myself while getting the food.

I thought of canceling on The Guy, but my mom was ok. She still has a job. She called me in fact a few minutes later to say she just heard a PE teacher who has been there 20 years; Linda who has been there 8 years, has a masters and can teach every subject, has been in the district 18 years; an ESL teacher who has been at the school 3 years, but in the district 8 years; a science teacher who has been in the district 6 years. All of these people are not in the in-crowd with the principal meaning young and busty. No joke. You might say this had nothing to do with it, but um, after you see who was left, who they picked, etc. The music teacher who has only a music credential and has been there only 16 years was kept. Let's just say, the teachers being transferred are the ones involved in every activity, etc., so the school is definitely at a loss. The math teacher, Mrs. C, next to my mom has been there the same amount of years as my mom, 3 degrees also, and is staying. The English teacher who has been at the school 25 years is staying. It was a really crazy mix of teachers they got. It really isn't about seniority, credentials, a teacher being more expensive than another in this case. You should see the criteria in my mom's district for giving out pink slips.

Thank God I just took my anxiety medicine before I left my house. I was able to be much more calm I think because of this.

I drive to The Guy's house and cry. This is all within 15 minutes of initially finding out. I compose myself and am able to walk in, but not speak. He asks me what's going on. I keep telling him give me a moment, but I had such a lump in my throat. He demands to know and asks 3-4 times. I tell him finally and he tells me and keeps reiterating how good it is that she has a job. I said yes, but how upset I was to be brought into the mix, how that seemed like backstabbing, stuff like that. We discuss it a little more when eating the food. We talk about how I deal with things differently than him. He gets pissed off and thinks about it. I hear something, I internalize it, I cry, and I get over it. My method is beyond him. We talk about what's going on in our lives other than that- school, random happenings, and things like that. He told me about all of the guys he is meeting. He is kind of seeing one in San Francisco. He is seeing a guy named Chandler who is a 22 year old college student at the community college. I'm hardly able to eat. I eat about half of my salmon and potatoes. I was just bothered. I really didn't want our afternoon to be like this. I wanted to talk about boys, sex, or whatever.

After, we put a movie on. We put "Dodgeball" on. The air conditioning place came because The Guy needed a new condenser. His house isn't cooling. We spent probably an hour talking about that, his trip to San Fran for his birthday, and Apple products. He debates on the $2,800, $3,900, or $5,000 model and finally decides on the most expensive one. I knew he would. He is having it put in tomorrow. He calls his credit card company who is sending him late notices because he wants to try to put the condenser on his card. He deals with that.

After the a/c guy leaves The Guy chats with some guy he met on realjock in London and they go on webcam together. The Guy says I'm there and we joke around and he acts like he is fucking me in the webcam, I pretended to suck him off, etc.

After, we go to FedEx for The Guy to pick up his new top of the line video card for his computer that FedEx has refused to deliver. He was heated and got upset again when he found out that FedEx didn't have the card, Apple said to send it back. We go outside and have a nice talk about guys we're seeing. I told him about Texting Hottie. We had a really good conversation and I felt like we really bonded, which was nice.

We go back to his place and I tell him about the CSET and ask him for his help on studying for it. He is dressing to go to Chandler's jazz band recital at 8, so he is printing the tickets and showering. In fact, in the car, he was buying his ticket via his iPhone and telling me to watch out, tell him when he was getting too close to another car, etc. We had another more or less heartfelt, friend type conversations that I enjoy so much with him just about the test and supporting each other.

I take off at 7:45 and come home to find out about the teachers from my mom and how my mom is not worried. She has an appointment Monday morning with HR about where she might be reassigned. Word traveled fast who was being transferred and all the teachers gathered after school to talk and support each other.