Monday, September 29, 2008

2003 AP Euro lesson

Ms. W, my AP Euro teacher was by far the hardest teacher I ever had in high school. I received a "C" first semester and I worked my tail off for that. Second semester I did far worse and had a "D-" at the semester, and this was the only time I kissed up to a teacher and begged for a better grade. It worked- she said I deserved it etc. because I worked so hard and she knew I was going to pass the AP Euro test. I did. She gave me a "C+" instead of my "D-," which was a relief because I didn't have to retake history in summer school. Her test questions were long multiple choice questions that each had an essay answer, and all sounded so plausible- and most were, but 1 or 2 details were off. But I wanted to talk about an experience I remember in the class, not my grade.

I remember nearing the AP test- probably a week before there was a fire drill. Ms. W had just passed out booklets that she had explaining what the EU was when the fire drill happened. She said to take the booklets, to go outside to the football scoreboard, which is where we were supposed to stand. It was one of those long firedrills where the fire chief comes and then rips everyone another for taking so long to evacuate the school and if this were a real fire...

I remember Ms. W saying this would be a long fire drill, and that was why we were to bring the booklets along with us. We made ourselves comfy on the grass below the scoreboard and she began talking about the EU, the EU money system, how a country joins, and things of that sort. Then, she said this, which has still stuck with me today...

The U.S. is at the end of being a superpower for reasons like credit problems, rising prices, we're making more foes than friend sin the world, etc. Our economy is going to fall as the EU rises. When the Euro started rising in comparison to the dollar, I remember thinking what Ms. W said was true. Ms. W said the EU is going to become more and more accepted. She said that the EU is probably going to have to pull the U.S. out of where it is heading. I remember thinking, yeah lady... in 100 years. And now, today, I wonder if this day is sooner than I had thought with all of the credit and housing woes. If this $700 billion bailout doesn't happen I'm pretty sure we'll be in a depression. Will Europe pull us out?

Ms. W continued talking and said that this was her theory on how the world would end. She was not particularly religious- she was a non-practicing Episcopalian. She said that the U.S. will surrender to the E.U., China will too because their economy is so dependent on ours, hence everyone would be united together- world peace. Then the stuff that is mentioned in the book of Revelations would happen and that would be the end. I remember Lisa, my good friend, and very Christian friend asked why none of this was in the Bible and how Ms. W knew this. Ms. W said she didn't, but this was her opinion, but also what she thought based on her study of the E.U.

*** Another random thing from AP Euro since we're on such a happy note and talking about end times... Ms. W gave a lesson on the Catholic Church and popes once. She printed off a list of the Pope, their picture, and why they were chosen to power if it was known. I remember Ms. W saying what was said in the news after John Paul II died that this next pope (Benedict) was to be a transitional pope, only to be around a few years. Then there would be one final Pope after him... I found that whole idea mindblowing. How did she know all of this?

Well, whether we are end times or not, I wanted to share because I was thinking the other day how everything that Ms. W said about a big problem the U.S. is facing now seems to be coming true. Sure, credit, buying things on credit, of course will lead to problems, the housing market, etc. but back in 2003 I was a sophomore in high school and just couldn't imagine that.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Think outside the box

The Guy and I were up late leaving each other comments on myspace. We both couldn't sleep. Matt, his new boyfriend, his now ex-boyfriend called him at 2a.m. drunk and upset. Matt called on The Guy's house phone, which is a number few have (I'm one of probably 3-4 people). The Guy just said he was surprised that he had this number and Matt took it to an extreme and was very blaming, wanting The Guy to commit to a relationship, was upset about the distance, and things like that. Basically they agreed to end things. The Guy told me he probably wouldn't have ended it if it were Ben who had hurt him worse, but Ben had that "thing." I didn't find this out until I got to his house, but it explained why we were both up playing around on myspace.

Anyways, we finally met up on AIM this morning and chatted about what we were doing, the weather, the sky, and just about everything else this morning before I took off for school. He told me to come over afterward- just show up. I call him once and leave a voicemail on my way from school at 12p.m. asking if he hungry. He didn't call back. I sent him a text and asked, "hungry?" No reply. I was going to eat, but I figured since The Guy pulled a muscle in his back on Tuesday when he was clipping his dog's toe nails he was pretty much confined to the house and didn't have much food, so i'd just pop in.

I get to his place and he asks me if I'm hungry. I said yes. He checks his phone since it was on the kitchen counter and he says "yes," in response to me asking if he was hungry. I was tasting sandwiches, but he suggested the healthy grille place up the street from his place. He says I'd have to go get anything we wanted, and I volunteered. I was hungry! I was even willing to pay, but he insisted because his mom gave him some loose $5 bills the other day adding up to $25 or so, so he said his mom was treating us.

While waiting for the food I hear the Ben, Matt, and other friends stories to get caught up on everything since we hadn't seen each other in a week. The Guy also says to avoid everything he "Knows a place..." He just downloaded the Petula Clark CD and we went in to the office to listen to it.

The Guy joked he loved how I had Petula Clark on my iPod because it shows I'm such a fag hag.

I got the food, came back, and we ate our salmon, potatoes, and bow-tie pasta. It was delicious. Afterward it was like old times where we lounged on the couch-him laying down with his computer and me at his feet, with an episode of "Law and Order" playing in the background. We both fell asleep soon however. We probably slept for about 30 minutes before the dog woke us both up when the FedEx guy was at the door. The Guy ordered pain meds off the internet because he didn't want to go to the doctor. He ordered something that sounded really good- that's all I can say.

The Guy takes his new pills, which I talk out of him and discover he ordered online. He said he knows how to order "good shit" and he went to wikipedia to check what the drug did. Apparently at 20mg you start to feel high- the 1 pill was 10mg. The Guy figured he should try that to make sure he got the full effect. He kept asking how long it would take. I told him maybe 30 minutes for it to kick in- and it did within that time.

The Guy had me install Warhammer, his new MMORPG on my computer. I did- I just installed it. I didn't think to download the patch, and he reminded me later that I should know this by now, not wait for him, think outside of the box, use MY mind... yadda, yadda, yadda.

The Guy and I go back to laying on the couch after discussing our favorite new mess, Sarah Palin. She is awesome (not necessarily saying I support her), what can I say? She has given us a lot to talk about and call each other up randomly to discuss, or just sit around browsing the internet seeing what we can dig up. The Guy thinks she is the devil. I tend to play devil's advocate. See why we make a great team?

After we searched the entire internet- literally came to the end of the internet- there was nothing more, The Guy whispers, "Mike... Mike... Mike... I have an idea..." I asked him what it was. He replied to the effect that he thought he had eggs and baking soda, but needed chocolate chips and butter. I said "oh." He said he was just thinking. He wanted to make sure he wasn't using me or taking advantage of me and I said nope, never. He went into the kitchen, looked around, and told me to go to Target to get those ingredients as well as a treat. I did. Drove to Target and got the ingredients. The Guy wanted Quaker rice snacks, but they only had caramel. I just bought him a Hershey's Cacao candy bar instead as a treat. I didn't buy any milk, though it crossed my mind when The Guy was going to make cookies- I could have called him though, or thought out of the box as he told me later.

I get back to his place and put the stuff in the refrigerator. He asks what I bought and I told him to go look. Next thing I know he is in the kitchen with 2 mixing bowls putting his eggs, sugar, etc. in the bowl and having me get a mixer, beaters, and things like that out. He didn't even look at a recipe which surprised me. He knows his chocolate chip cookie recipe by heart- he uses the Nestle Toll House cookie recipe. He surprised me by how precisely he measured everything for his cookies- he doesn't do that for most other things he cooks where his philosophy is the more, the better. The Guy warned his cookies always come out really flat, so we stood there in the kitchen eating batter by the spoonful and it was DELICIOUS. So rich!!! The Guy finally made about a dozen cookies for us. We sat in the living room eating the cookies- The Guy made the cookies really large and we each had 3. There were 6 left over that he put on the refrigerator to cool.

We sat down and watched an episode of "Family Guy" and both fell asleep. We probably slept 2-3 hours I'm guessing. I am not sure when The Guy got up to go lay down in his bedroom, but he did at some point when I was still asleep. I got up, went to the bathroom about 8p.m., then went in and told The Guy I better take off. I could have laid back down and slept another several hours.

Still here...

The Guy and I haven't hung out yet this week... I was sick Tuesday and Wednesday and he pulled a muscle in his back Tuesday or Wednesday.

I'm wide awake at 12:00a.m. and just 2 hours ago I was EXHAUSTED.

Have had a good night so far- went to the mall to return some things at JCPenney (things were even cheaper now, so they gave them to me for that price meaning I got to buy another 2 shirts for the price I paid for 1).

I start school tomorrow- my LAST year... that's what I said last year. For the record I was planning on finishing college in 3 and was lined up to, but classes didn't work out, so I'm here for a 4th year... home stretch... I can make it... Taking 2 or 3 Spanish classes (Spanish literature, grammar, and linguistics) this quarter- hopefully I can survive. I think I will. I may be a bit loco in 10 weeks, but I think I can make it. I know that I will have survived if I'm not asking to be admitted into una institución mental más cercana (the nearest mental institution). I'm really excited that I'm nearly fluent (practically) in Spanish and that my degree is going to say I have a minor in Spanish... have to make sure the paperwork for that was processed... one of my tasks in the coming weeks...

Have been working a lot the past 2 weeks, which is great because I will have 2 nice paychecks to help pay off my car. My goal is to have the thing paid off by December (and I bought it in July for the record).

It is 83 out right now- AT MIDNIGHT- it is so muggy in the house. I've had the A/C going full speed and it is part of the reason I am still up- it is noisy.

Jessica Simpson can't sing or perform... I saw her at the LA County Fair the other day and seeing was proof.

Sugarland can, and they were AWESOME back at the beginning of September at the LA County Fair.

To go or not go see my hottie Gavin Rossdale and Lifehouse on Sunday that is the question... it would make for 3 visits to the LA County Fair this year...

Hopefully there was some coherence to this, but it is just kind of what was rambling in my head at this early hour of the morning. Sorry for the many ellipsis... I tend to just let thoughts ebb and flow when I'm tired.

Good morning, everyone!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Our friend, Dallas Raines (his real name)

Dallas, Dallas, Dallas? What am I going to do with you? You left Michelle and Ellen's curling iron alone for a change, which is a relief; but instead found your way to the hair dye? Dallas, this is just awful. You are not a blond... no it is not just the picture on my phone- I've looked on 3 different TV's in my house and his hair is very yellow on all of them (HD and non-HD). Dallas, that is just BAD. Please don't.

And while I'm picking a bone with Dallas about his hair, how about those temps? Riverside 98 tomorrow? Big Bear 76? Dallas? So much for fall...

For your info., I much prefer Garth Kemp also on ABC 7.

Monday, September 22, 2008

I made out in the middle of the ocean

I met date #2, Mike, again on Sunday. We talked Saturday night and he said for me to call him when I woke up. I did. He invited me down to his place to take his boat out to cruise Huntington, Balboa, and Newport. He is a total outdoors guy.

It was a beautiful day- not a cloud in the sky, probably about 75 degrees, sun shining brightly, all the beautiful beach front houses.

I get to his place and he is finishing hooking the boat up to the truck. It is a little 10 foot inflatable boat, but a fun little thing nonetheless. We drive down to Newport to the boat launch and he unhooks the boat and I help put it in the water. We cruise around the area and look at the houses. He asks me over and over if I was scared. I said no, but with his insistence of me being scared I said he was worrying me because maybe he had something planned- maybe like a Lacy and Scott Peterson thing in the middle of the ocean. He said nope and rubbed my leg to let me know it was alright. We cruised all around Newport and made our way far out into the ocean. He was playing around driving really fast or really slow to scare me. He asked where I wanted to go. I said I didn't know, so he gave me choices: near the harbor, idle out in the middle of the ocean, go near shore, or continue on out. I suggested we idle in the ocean. The surf was coming up and the waves were choppy, but that added to the experience. We let the waves push us around out there. He shuts off the engine and he sits down in the boat facing me with his legs hanging over the edge like mine already were. He rubbed my legs and I rubbed his. I only went as far as his thigh, but he soon had his hand in my board shorts reaching around. He found what he was looking for. I did some searching and he was hard, but nearly impossible to reach from where I was. We shift around a little and then he is on top of me wanting to make out. I lay back, grab his head, and we're going at it. We're rubbing each other's bodies in the process. It wasn't that comfortable, but boy was it fun, and I can now say I've made out in the middle of the ocean. The closest boat to us was probably 100 feet away, but him being a very straight, closeted guy was scared, so we started the engine back up. The Newport Police helicopter also flew above.

We turned around and he showed me some waterfront houses where they hang over the water and look like they could fall over the edge at any moment. He said we should take some time to stretch our legs. We cruise down to Balboa Island- it is like they say, an island in the middle of the ocean you need to take a ferry to get to. They had 3-4 cars at a time on the ferry to cross. I had never been to Balboa- only heard, and so to see this was exciting. We walk all around Balboa and he shows me where he used to live and we see all the touristy places in Balboa. There is a toe ring shop, which amuses me. We only stay for about 15 minutes because he is worried about bigger boats coming and wanting to dock where we're parked.

Back in the boat and we cruise around Balboa some more looking at the houses and looking at seals laying out on the back of the boats. We keep stopping and rowing around the really old boats that have seen better days and laughing at them. A lot of the boats it looked like people live on on a consistent basis.

Mike asked if I wanted to get a drink at a bar overlooking the water. I said sure. We pull up, dock the boat, and walk on the dock, which is swaying as we walk on it. I'm thinking I'm not intoxicated already. He orders the first round of drinks- he has a Coors and I have a Jack and coke. We stand around watching the people talk. It was probably 2p.m. and the bar was full. He talks about how he needs to become rich to get a yacht like some that are docked across from us in the boat storage area. He asks if I wanted another round, I said sure, and paid for our drinks this time. After 2 rounds of drinks we were ready to go. Getting back into the boat I felt a little tipsier than before. We cruise and see more seals laying on the back of boats. It is a lot of fun. There are also a lot of fish jumping out of the water. Mike talks about how he'd like to cruise around Long Beach like this since he has never done it, or the 30 miles or so to Catalina Island.

Going back to the Newport boat launch we're touching each other and talking about the houses on the water. We get back to shore, put the boat back on his hitch thing and then take off back to his place. We were out there for 5-6 hours and it was so fun! The car ride home we're talking about what we did out in the middle of the ocean and holding hands. He had said the other day when I talked to him on the phone he wished he grabbed my hand and held it on the way home from pizza the other night.

We clean the boat out with the hose, he unhitches the engine from it, and then we put the boat back on the hitch.

We go inside and talk about dinner. He said he'd tell me what was around here and so i named places that was sounding good. I mentioned Cocos, Rubys, Carrows, In-N-Out. In-N-Out was, so we went there. But first....

First we hugged each other, the hugging lead to us sitting on the couch making out, he was licking my neck and I was doing the same to him. Both of us were moaning. He had made sure the window was shut this time. We laid on the couch and he had his dick pressed up against my ass. He was simulating fucking me and said he wanted to feel what it felt like with his finger up there, but wanted to do it with a condom. This guy is ultimate Mr. Shy, so he doesn't have condoms and he even bought lube the other day, which he told me how nervous he was.

We get in the car and go to In-N-Out about 8p.m.. I pay for our burgers. I drive there and I give him some country music trivia- like Darius Rucker from Hootie and the Blowfish is now singing country and this has been a project in the works for him for 3-4 years. He was surprised. We go to Albertsons to rent a movie out of the $1.00 movie rental vending machine. I pick out Batman. Who knew it would be an anime Batman? No joke, it was terrible. We talked about getting condoms- since he was scared I did. I find them and they're under lock and key. Um... no... I wasn't going to have a clerk paged for me to buy condoms, so I walk outside to my car where he is waiting. He tells me there is a Chevron gas station in the parking lot and we drive over to it. I get out, go in, buy them, and no big deal. He was asking me if I was nervous and telling me again how scared he'd be. I said nope, because really I wasn't.

Darius Rucker- Don't Think I Don't Think About It (from Hootie and the Blowfish)

We eat the burgers and watch the Batman show. It was rotten. We stick it out a little bit and joke maybe it is going somewhere. It wasn't. He lays on me while we're on the couch and we make out. I rub his back while doing this. By now he was relaxed and ready for more. We took it to the bedroom where we laid down, I sucked his nipples, which really turned him on, then we jacked each other off. While we were jacking he got out a condom and tried fingering me. He kept asking me if it hurt and I said no- his fingers were nice and skinny... and we know I've had larger things up there... hey... I'm just saying... well... we know it is true... We shoot our loads, clean up with a towel, then I tell him I need to get going. We hug, kiss, and say goodbye. I left at 11 and got home at 12:15. All the way home I think about how I just made out in the ocean and isn't that slutty of me? It was hot, and sort of exotic.

Didn't buy my sister a birthday gift

My sister's birthday was yesterday and when she woke up I told her Happy Birthday! Then I jetted off on my date and was gone all day. My sister did not want to do anything for her birthday. Her idea of birthday was sitting at home, alone, in her bedroom watching the last day of play at Yankee Stadium. My parents wanted to take her out to lunch or dinner, but she was too busy with the game. It was a 8-9 hour game celebration I guess. I would have been here at home not doing much of anything, and not spending time with her.

So I didn't buy my sister a birthday gift either. My justifications: she never wears anything I buy for her (the past 3 birthdays I have bought her very expensive outfits that are tasteful and she won't wear them), she never uses anything I buy her and complains that she doesn't like something about it, she complains about every imperfection, and my biggest reason of all is how she treats me (teasing me and calling me gay a few weeks back threatening, and did tell my dad). I do not like her. I thought a lot about this last week when I knew her birthday was approaching and decided to just forego buying her a gift. I could have even given her money, but she never spends her money or gift cards she is given. I came to the conclusion I buy gifts for friends and family who are deserving of gifts. I buy gifts all the time for people- I'm not asking for anything, I do it out of the goodness of my heart, and have no problem buying gifts for friends or family who treat me well. Sister doesn't.

Sister apparently was in a huff about it last night that I didn't buy her anything and my mom mentioned something about maybe it is the way she treats me, or I just haven't had time to give her the gift because I was so busy with a "great opportunity to go out on a boat with friends and cruise the ocean." I know it would keep things rosy on the home front if I did buy her a gift, and the thought of buying a gift is what counts, but my heart is not letting me.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Date #2 of the week- new guy

I had a second date the other night with a guy named Mike. He wrote me on my photoless yahoo personals ad. He said he was from my area and was now living in Huntington Beach, but wanted to get to know me better. I had brushed him off at the beginning of the week when he wrote me on Yahoo messenger saying I was too tired; it was true since I had just come back from Kentucky and was going to bed about 9p.m. when he would instant message me. On Wednesday night I was having a really difficult night, but he was insistent on calling me, so I let him. We talked for about 3 hours on the phone about school and work. He taught for several years over where my dad works... and even at the same school. I was silent when we talked about this because I didn't want to give away who I, or my dad was. He said that he wanted to meet me, so we exchanged photos, then discussed plans about meeting up. He wanted to take me to his favorite pizza restaurant, then maybe walk along the beach in Newport.

He called me last night and we agreed to meet at 6:30 at the pizza place- I thought. He is on the phone chatting with me as I'm driving and he is giving me directions on where to go. He instead directs me to his apartment complex and I see him, a 32 year old guy who is 5'11'', a little stocky build, light brown, spikey hair, and great blue eyes standing there standing on his cell phone. I roll down the window to find out where to park and then he says to park at the end of the street in his complex. I asked him if he wanted to get in the car while I drove down there and he did.

Once out of the car we walk to the laundry room in his complex because he is drying sheets. The sheets aren't done, so we go back to his place and sit on the couch watching "World News with Charlie Gibson." He tells me how nervous he was when he first met me. I told him I really wasn't nervous because I figured I had my cell phone among other things if anything went wrong. We sat there and his mom called about a new apartment she was suddenly buying. He talked to her for a few minutes, went out to check his sheets, and I stayed in the apartment. He comes back and we take off.

We hop in his raised Ford F-150 and cruise down the street to the Huntington Beach pier. We talk about all of the foreclosures/housing in the area. He talks about how shocked he was his mom was now going to move and rent an apartment to get away from the area we live in to be closer to family. As we approach the Huntington Beach pier it smells smokey and there are fire trucks everywhere. Dukes, the restaurant at the pier had caught fire, the lights were out, people were standing all around. We looked as we drove past. We also talked about music- he likes GO Country 105, KFROG 95.1, and KBIG 104 also. He turned on Dolly Parton's song "Here You Come Again," which nearly caused a fight between us. You don't turn Dolly off. Sorry.

About 5 minutes later he sees flashing lights in his rear view mirror and he wonders if he was being pulled over. He was. The officer comes up to the truck and asks if he knows why he was being pulled over. He had no clue and neither did I. He said his license plate bulb was out. He asked for his license, registration, and insurance. Mike didn't have his current proof of insurance. The officers were gone for about 10 minutes just standing outside their patrol car. During this time it was absolutely silent in the car and he spent time thumbing around for his proof of insurance. I'm thinking "oh great, I don't know where I am, don't know why the officers are taking so long, don't know anything about this guy's past and if he did something to cause them to take so long." The officers come back to the car and tell him that they'll let him go on the insurance thing, but his brake lights are also out, that because he has a raised truck he needs mud flaps on the tires, and a whole laundry list of other violations. He did get a $10 correction ticket to get the license plate bulb replaced.

We sit in relative silence- I wasn't going to be the first to say anything, he was going to have to. He just said how shocked he was and I seconded that. He said how this was at least a good thing because he proved he didn't have a criminal past or anything like that that would cause the police to take him in. I joked that I wasn't sure after we were there for over 10 minutes waiting for them. We then talked about tickets we have got in the past. We talked about how beautiful and comfy it was out that night as we drove down PCH. I had never been down PCH and I live in So Cal... haha. We passed Lambroghini, Ferrari, BMW, and Bentley dealers. He talked about work and I did too.

We drive probably 20 miles down PCH to Jenny's Pizza on PCH in Laguna Hills. He pays and insists because I drove that far to see him. We eat out on the patio. He said I looked VERY familiar and I said he did too. I know why though, he looks like the owner of the Del Taco out where I live. He talked about going to church and I asked if he went to the one I went to since so often that is where people say they know me from. Nope. He is Mormon and I'm not. We talked about other ways we could possibly know each other, but couldn't figure out how we knew each other. We talk about the Metrolink crash last week since the topic of commuting came up and I told him the story about the train crash and my sister. My sister was not involved in the bad Chatsworth accident that killed 25, but the Corona accident that happened at about the same time and was only mentioned in passing on TV. The pizza comes and it is only alright. The crust is delicious, but I'm not impressed by what we ordered. He ordered jalapenos, green peppers, bacon bits, olives, and some other stuff on it. I ordered the everything toppings. I only eat 2 pieces, but my mouth was so hot from the jalapenos I didn't want any more.

We walk back to his car and he checks his brake lights and everything else. 1 of his license plate bulbs is burnt out, the other is fine. He was still ticked off about that. He told me about his family and how they all are moving out of the area we live in because his sister just moved to Dana Point and his parents want to be closer. He told me about some of the places we passed on PCH as we drove along. The buildings were neat- the architecture was so different on all of them. He asks me 3-4 times what I'm thinking and I tell him I had no clue what to think- I was in suspense. He tells me how he is really into boating, has a boat, and other outdoor activities. We talk about our interests and things like that.

We arrive back at his apartment about 9:45p.m. and he tells me to pick out a movie from his "extensive" collection (10 DVDs or so). His extensive collection included "Space Balls," "Family Guy," "Sweet Home Alabama," and a few others. I settled on "Sweet Home Alabama," he popped it in the DVD player and I went to the restroom. We came back and sat on the couch. We laughed at the same points in the movie and he gave his commentary and I did also. I was glad to see we found the same things funny. I see he seems a little tense as we're sitting there on the couch and I'm more or less sprawled out with my shoes off. I move my leg a little closer to his just because I wondered if we were going to cuddle since we're both real big on that. He pokes me and I poke him back. He put his arm on me and asked if I was ticklish. He tickled my stomach, then touched my leg and asked if I was ticklish. I said yes and I laughed as he tickled me. There was some staring into each other's eyes and then he would ask me what I was going to do if he tickled me, or well, maybe he'd have to do it again. In the course of his playing I touched his other arm and made a pass over his chest. He told me later he knew this is when it was game on and he really felt comfortable with me. We talk to each other and tickle each other for about 20-25 minutes.

It is about 11p.m. by this time and the movie will be ending shortly- he asks if I want to stay the night. Who knows what I was thinking, but I said yes. Actually, here's my thinking... he has only been with 2 guys, but nothing more than jacking off... something was always missing in his relationships with girls... he wants to take things VERY slowly and we had discussed that... in my book going slowly was cuddling, hugging, kissing, and nothing more on a first date... I had my limits set (no oral, fucking, etc)... he had said if one of us said we weren't comfortable with something to let each other know... I knew everything I needed like his address and name... and cuddling all night? Sounded good. I didn't call my parents to let them know I was staying the night "with a friend," and went straight to his bedroom. I told my parents when I got home that time didn't really permit and my mom said she was a little upset, but understood.

He asked if I wanted a night shirt and I said sure. We stripped down to night shirts and boxers. We lay in bed hugging each other, tickling, and occasionally kissing each other. The kissing is nothing but a small peck on the cheeks or him playing with my lip. He did lick my ears and neck, which totally had me going. He was turned on by how much I was moaning because of this. He kept joking the neighbors would hear- it turns out he had the window open to his bedroom. We laid in bed touching each other's bodies, and yes, we did touch each other's dicks, but only to make the jacking off motion, and this lasted for over an hour. It was 12:30a.m. and I was exhausted and falling asleep. Mike was kidding me about little things like how ticklish I was. I told him I was so tired I just wanted to go to bed. So we hugged and then ended up cuddling the whole night. He held me in his arms, which felt so good and I was elated. The only thing was there were a couple times I wanted to turn over in bed, but because he had me in his arms I couldn't. We both woke up a couple times that night and when we did we rubbed each other's chest or arms. About 6:55a.m. we both woke up. We kissed and there was a little tongue involved. Then he laid on top of me and we kissed, hugged, and grinded on each other. His alarm kept going off and he said he would have to get up, but he never made any attempt. We started jacking each other off, but never shoot our loads. We just stop finally at 7:40 when he says he needs to be on the road right now. At this time he hops in the shower, shaves, and does his hair.We hug, then walk out of his house so he can go to work. We go in different directions to our cars.

He called me on the way home to be sure I wasn't lost and told me how he was going to be late to work. We've talked on the phone everyday since and he wants to take me out on his boat soon.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Photos of a beautiful day

LONG WEEK!!! Between work, school, traveling, family, and everything else there wasn't a lot of time for anything else. It was DRAINING. I took an hour nap today, am falling asleep right now as we speak at 5:00p.m. on Friday afternoon. I did have some time to snap photos today while I was out.

Let's focus on the positive... I went to the bank to deposit a whopping $18.37 check for 2 hours of work at the high school. When you go to my bank you put your deposit in the container and hit the send button where it is sent to the basement. You get to talk to a live person via a TV monitor. There is a camera so they can see you (pictured at top- when they ask to see your ID, you hold it up to the camera). The tellers are in the basement of the building. I HATE THAT. It is so impersonal and there is often 1 teller helping 6-7 people. Oh, and then you have to pick up the telephone to the left of the computer monitor to be able to talk to the teller.

What a beautiful 95 degree day here in So Cal.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

He got off

The Guy and I were going to hang out Monday since I was back from Louisville, but he was busy working on his paper for school. I told him to do that because I know how distracted he gets. I was busy also because I had to work and my mom and I drove together, so it made it hard to get over to his place.

When I got in the Alfonso's were here working on his cabinets in the kitchen and helping him hang the TV in the bedroom. The Guy wanted the TV raised because his new TV cabinet was too high and in the way of the TV. Alfonso and The Guy spent close to 45 minutes trying to hang it. They had it hung, but The Guy decided he wanted the TV higher to cover up the hole in the wall from the speakers. They raised the TV and then spent probably an hour trying to get it just right. The Guy kept getting annoyed saying it wasn't right. I kept saying "I think it is" because it looked like it, but also I knew that The Guy and I would be the ones hanging it on our own otherwise and that wouldn't be fun. The Guy bought new $4,500 speakers- he was looking for a new center speaker and the salespeople enticed him to buy new $4,500 speakers that were floor models on sale for $2,250. He moved his old ones from his living room into the bedroom.

We needed to investigate and figure out what type of speaker wire he needed, so we go into the office and he closes the door. We sit there and he looks online, finds what he wants. He asked if I found what I was looking for and he was pointing to his dick. I said I did. I grab his dick and pull down his pants. He retracts his foreskin and I suck him as he gets hard. I do that for a few minutes and we play with some poppers he happens to have in the desk drawer. Then he tells me to stand up and play with his dick, but stand so he could suck me. He does and it feels SO great. Then I move back and suck him some more. He tells me to go lube up and I do. He has me bend over, hold my ankles, and he fucks me. I was worried about falling over. It was kinda scary cause I could have fallen into the granite topped wooden cabinet. We switch positions and he fucks me with me laying on the floor. Glad I didn't get rug burn. I suck him again and he tells me to shoot my load all over my chest. I do. Then he stands up over me trying to shoot his load, but he can't cum. He talks about how it feels like he'll be able to, but his depression medicine keeps him from being able to, which explains why I get off a lot rarely and he doesn't.

We get out, shower, and he tells me to stick my finger up his ass and I do. We grind up on each other, then he jacks off and cums. We each wash our own bodies, then he tells me how I didn't get my hair wet and he pours shampoo on my head. I shampoo and then condition my hair.

We had to go to Best Buy for speaker wire for the new speakers, new cords for his amplifier, and a couple other things. We go there and they don't have the speaker cord or the ends for them. We did buy the cords and only spent $20 doing that. He calls the man at the speaker place and asks if they have speaker cord. They do, so we drive over there. On the way we talk about AIG and WAMU. It turns out that the speaker place didn't have what he wanted right then, so we go back to his place. On the way he says we still haven't accomplished his goal of getting speaker wire, so he does an illegal u-turn and we go to Circuit City to see if they have any. Nope. So we go back home. In the car on the way home we talked about how we both planned to get lunch for each other, but he forgot and then had lunch. I had called him as he was eating planning on bringing him food. We decide we'll have a smoothie when we get back to his place.

We get to his place and he makes an amazing smoothie. It has acai berry juice, strawberries, and cherries. It was tart, like usual, but tasted soooooooo delicious. It was so sweat- no unnatural sugar added. We clean up around the house- put the speakers together, vacuum, and things like that.

We test out the speakers and they are amazing. They really are crisp. The Guy calls Jeff to have him return the remote so he can set up the amps and everything in the bedroom. He figured out he could get around the remote issue after a while, but Jeff comes by and then The Guy is able to get the system in his bedroom. We watch some Karate Kid type show- the fighting, karate, Chinese, and all. Jeff keeps narrating and saying how this reminds him of Lord of the Rings and makes comments related to that.

About 7:30 we call it a night because we're all tired.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Sunday night date

I got home from Louisville about 12p.m. and spent some time unwinding and packing. I wasn't planning on going out, but I did.

I have been chatting with Greg for 2-3 months. He is 36, 5'11'', brown hair, and I think his profile says 150lbs or so. We met on connexion and had chatted about once a week or so on Yahoo Messenger. We chatted on the phone the 2nd day we knew each other for about 2-3 hours talking about life and what our plans are. He is a pretty laid back, anti-technology (cell phone, texting, iPod, etc.), he is conservative with money, have alot of similar thinking as far as money, and so this gave us lots to talk about. I talked to him 2-3 times back in Louisville last week. He was telling me about an alright date he had and somehow the conversation lead to sex. I was telling him how horny I was and we talked about sex and things like that.

Fast forward, skipping a few details, and it is 3:45p.m. yesterday. I get an e-mail saying that I had a new message on connexion. I decide to check it out. It was from Greg. I told him I had no problem driving down to Irvine to meet him and he said he would be interested in going to a bar down there on their gay night. I happened to be in front of the computer at that time, but not wanting to appear desperate or overly excited I waited a while to message him on Yahoo. I message him about 4:30 and he asked if I checked my connexion e-mail. I told him I had and that I would love to. We decided to meet at 7:30 at the California Pizza Kitchen at the Irvine Spectrum. He wanted to have a while to fit a workout in at the 24 Hour Fitness there. Sure, that was perfect because I got an hour to nap before going since I just got back from Louisville and my sleep is all messed up now. I wanted to go since we'd talked about meeting before, but it was always one of these days, and though I was tired I wasn't going to pass this opportunity up.

I make it down there in about 37 minutes. Made GREAT time with almost no traffic. I park over by the Target, but then think to myself I park here when I go to the Apple Store and I had no clue where the CPK was. I get in my car and go back to the parking structure in the front. I park and then walk down toward the 24 Hour Fitness that I knew he was at. It was 7:18 or so and almost dark. I get down the stairs of the parking structure and see a guy wearing blue jeans, a blue t-shirt, and gray Vans. He has sort of a petite frame for a 5'11'' guy, which kind of reminds me of myself. I do a double take and think that is him. I had seen pictures of him with and without his goatee. He was without. I eye him and he eyes me. We walk past each other, turn around, then he asked if I was Mike. I said yes and we introduced ourselves. He was carrying his shoes and other stuff from his workout. We walk into the parking structure and back to his car so he can put his stuff way. We talk about going to the Apple Store since I wanted to see the new iPods. He talked about how he doesn't have one, has no plans on getting one, and told 2 women off at work whose iPods were stolen.

I wasn't sure where the Apple Store was from where the CPK/24 Hour Fitness was. We look on the map and talk about things like the economy as we walk down there. He was talking about Wet Seal filing for bankruptcy and we talked about the different stores and places that have or are. In the Apple Store I show him the iPods and how they work. I look at those and a few other computer accessories. I talk about how I'm a new Mac convert. We spend maybe 10 minutes there, then walk back to the CPK.

We decide on CPK because it is 8p.m. and nobody is really there. We go in and debate where to sit. We decide the patio because even though it is a little chilly out (65 or so) since the patio is nonsmoking it should be ok. We are sat out by the patio door. We look at the menu, talk about what we've eaten at CPK and have our drink orders taken. I order a coke and he has a mojito. We planned on going to the club later, so I assumed we'd get drinks there. We talk about work, a little about my schooling, why I was in Louisville, and his upcoming vacation plans in Palm Springs. We sit and look, smile and glance around at each other 3 or 4 times talking about how hungry we are and how it has been a long time. We actually considered just paying for the drinks and leaving. It was 8:40 before we got the food and there was almost no one there. The conversation was good and continuous. When the bill is presented he gets his LA Fitness membership out for a 20% discount ($8.00). I ATM the food and we take off. It was $25.00 for the 2 of us, which wasn't bad.

We walk around the spectrum and decide to go to the ferris wheel for a ride. It is 9p.m. and closed. We walk around it looking for a sign for the time they close and read the safety sign. It was funny- the sign said you have to be able to fit in the seatbelt and he likes to point out the obvious "because otherwise you're too fat." He has a sort of cynical, yet optimistic personality. Interesting combo. We go to the Barnes and Noble because they're open until 11p.m. We look at books on the Civil War, presidents, and other things in the bargain books section. We then go up the escalator to the 2nd floor where we see the Warcraft and Warhammer books. We talk about those games, how there is no point, things like that. I explain how Warcraft works. We look at some biographies like "This Boys Life," "The Color of Water," and a couple others I had read. I tell him about them. Then we end up at the political books like the "Case Against Obama." We talk about the mad, angry white woman and then the hope that Obama provides. He goes to the bathroom and I peruse the book about the case against Obama- one problem is he is too focused on Chicago and their problems. At 10p.m. he says he is getting tired because he stayed up so late the other night and maybe we should forfeit going to the bar. I said not a problem.

We walk back toward our cars and up into the parking structure. I can't find my car. I didn't pay any attention to where I parked and then there were the thoughts "did I lock my car?" We finally find it- 2 levels up above where he parked. We stand across from my car on the edge of the parking structure talking. Greg tells me how happy he was that I drove down to meet him when he has told guys off in Irvine recently that live 5-10 minutes away and they don't have any intention of meeting. We talk about myspace, facebook, connexion, and how all of those work. We talk about when the time would be to take down a profile in a relationship, and little things like that.

He said he noticed how my car still had the paper plates on it and almost like a little kid getting excited, sort of jumpy, asked if he could see the car. I told him of course. I showed him the trunk, he asked to sit in it, and sat down in the passenger seat. He told me I should sit in the drivers seat so he could see how I look in it. I get in and sit down next to him. We talk about cars, his car, my car, gas mileage, how he refuses to put more than $50 in a car for gas, and things like that. We talked about how we keep cars a long time and I told him the story about my dad's car. We chat for about an hour in the parking structure and in my car total. At 11p.m. he puts his hand on mine and smiles and says we should call it a night. I put my hand on top of his, smile, and he leans over to hug. I do the same. We smile and thank each other for the company.

Overall I am glad I went and think it was a good date. Greg should be home and online shortly... hope he IMs me.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Bret Michaels Reality Show

The Bret Michaels Reality Show that airs on VH1 is filming at my hotel here in Clarksville/Jeffersonville Indiana. Haven't seen Bret Michaels, but there are 2 tour buses and motor homes outside and several bleached blond girls with tattoos who give off a really bad vibe- the don't mess with me, don't look at me vibe. They've been doing a photo shoot all day down in the basement of the hotel and people have been watching. The girls are down the hall and up on the floor above me. They all sound like they have a lot of drama- everytime they step outside to smoke that's all their talking about. No cameras are filming- don't really know what's going on.

The Rider Cup is also being held in the area, a writing workshop, a travel agent workshop, and a couple high school reunions so we have a bunch of random characters in this hotel.

Need a drink?

Mom and I went to Bardsville Kentucky. We ventured on the Bourbon Trail- we can't not go drive along there and not pick up any souvenirs. So we ended up at the Makers Mark Bourbon Distillery in Loretto KY. My mom joked after venturing so far out in the middle of nowhere that she'd probably need a drink (she doesn't drink). Well, we took the tour seeing how they make bourbon whiskey and then of course got to sample some. I tried 130 proof, then 3-4 others in the process until you get to the final product. My mom said she was driving and if I wanted to I could. Of course I did. So she took pictures as I drank away. I also dipped my own bottle of bourbon whiskey's wax cap.

Of course we had to find our way back and that required another drink, so we stopped at the Jim Beam Distillery for some samples.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Vacationing in Louisville KY

I'm in Louisville KY for my dad's Army reunion. FUN STUFF. I love traveling. Love visiting people. Got to see some family in Indiana yesterday. Toured my dad's hometown yesterday. Got to see his old house and where all the family lives. Got to see my aunt/uncle (my dad's cousin and his wife, but I call them aunt and uncle). Got to go to the Louisville Sluggers Museum today (had been there before). Walked all around Louisville. We toured a candy factory where they were making jolly rancher like fish, which we got to sample warm. SOOOOOOOOOOOO good. I bought Gonzo and my other coworkers those and red hots that are about the size of Jolly Ranchers for souvenirs.

My mom came along this year and we're having so much fun. We're going everywhere and doing everything. It is just so relaxing to get away!!! I feel so relaxed, which is good because of what lies ahead. Tomorrow we're going to northern Indiana to see my uncle's in Cali's house he is building. A fun car trip with me playing backseat driver and controlling the radio!!! WOOT WOOT!!!

BTW... we asked for a compact car and they didn't have any. We got a Mercedes ML320 SUV. It is NICE!!! The closest my parents will ever come to driving one. AND we're only paying $17 a day for it!!!

Almost all radio stations in the Louisville area are country- there's at least 5 of those, then 1 oldies station, 1 urban, and 1 or 2 rock. In Cali there is such variety. I like country. My parents don't. We're listening to the oldies station though, which has much more variety than KOLA or KRTH in So Cal. So props to WAKY 103.5.

One random note about KOLA- they now play Jesse's Girl since they've expanded their playlist to play classics (60s-80s). I was flipping in our car and it came on the radio. I started singing and my mom and I both belted out into song. Then she talked about how it is one of the "new" songs KOLA plays that she knows. So in honor of that bonding with her...

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Do you need to get fucked?

Short answer- yes- but it took 18 minutes of chatting on the phone about me venturing off today to deal with family stuff. I was doing pretty well last night, but there was one little problem. I WAS HORNY. HORNY. HORNY. I jacked off when I got home from work about 4:30p.m. while trying to avoid being caught by my dad. That wasn't enough- I needed to get off again. It didn't happen. I went to the gym, ran around getting ready to leave, and other things. The Guy told me he was going to be up late playing Warhammer, eating, and watching TV. After talking for a while he asked if I needed to get fucked and just come over for that even though I couldn't stay because I had to get up at 3:45a.m.

I did want to come over because he asked and I was horny, and I hadn't gotten to see him. I got to his place about 8:10p.m. I stopped to get my dad's car gas at the Shell over by his house.

I get over to his place and REALLY need to use the bathroom. I walk in, don't see The Guy in the living room laying on the couch. I thought to myself believe it or not on the way over I may walk in and he'll be in the bedroom ready to have sex just because that's all we planned. I quickly use the bathroom and then look over in his bedroom and see him laying there in the nude laying on his stomach. He was, and it was hot- his ass is to die for.

I see a condom next to him and I think ooooooooooooooh I get to fuck him for a change. And I did, but I'll get to that later. I knew what he wanted. He wanted me to eat his ass and I did because he washed down there and it wasn't smelly. I had my tongue up, his you know what. I licked with my tongue and then used my hands to squeeze his ass. I love to squeeze his ass. It is just sooooo hot- and not flabby, but toned.

I do that for a while, then he turned over and I sucked his dick. While I did that he jacked me off and I positioned myself so I could also finger his ass because he asked me to. I used spit to do that. I just used one finger- my middle finger, but he seemed to not mind what I did. At the same time he was pouring tons of lube on his hand and fingering me. He was much more forceful with me than I was with him; he's a top though, so I guess it makes sense that I was going easier on him.

Soon after he turns me over on my back, puts the condom on and starts fucking me. He holds my legs and fucks me. That's my least favorite way because my legs get tired just being up in the air. He had me hold my legs up another time myself and that got tiring, but he enjoyed fucking me.

He flips me over and we start doing it doggie style. He is down on me and letting his dick go in and out of me. He lays down on me and starts nibbling my left ear. I was moaning so loud!!! He turns my head to the other side and spits in my right ear and starts licking driving me absolutely crazy. I was in heaven.

We finger each other more and I suck him. We're playing with each other and he becomes very dominant/verbal while this goes on and tells me to call him master. He gets 1, 2, 3, and finally 4 fingers up my ass. I was wondering. At times it hurt a little, but then when they were in felt good. He was saying while we were playing he had his hand in me. While I'm sucking him he is playing with my nipples and hitting my chest. Then while I'm laying on my back he lets me fuck him. He sits on me and puts his dick in me. He is taking some poppers and riding it. He is riding up and down on me, then he tells me to fuck him. I said I can't, I can't do it much longer without shooting. It just felt THAT good. As he was coming off my dick I shot a little cum, but managed to hold most of it. I was disappointed. I really wish I could last longer when fucking him. It feels so good. I felt like I kind of ended it early. I tell him I'm about to come and he said "no bitch, you're not going to cum, I'm going to fucking tell you when to cum." He fucks me a little bit more as my punishment, then I finish jacking off, he fucks me a little more after that, then I suck on him. He never did shoot his load.

We took a shower afterward because we were both covered in lube.

We had a nice hour of play. I hung around until 9:20 after he made a sandwich, then we casually hugged, thanked each other, and he wished me luck. Made it home at 10 and saved a few minutes by showering at his place and got the added benefit of showering with him.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Sex toys

The Guy was at work about 12p.m. on Friday when I had IM'd him. He asked what was going on and I told him I just got home from pampering myself. My mom left me with $40 to find something to indulge myself with yesterday because after our talk the night before in her bedroom she realized something was wrong. When I woke up there was a letter on my door telling me to have a good day with the money she left on the kitchen counter. What did I do? I got a pedicure... ok... laugh... I had one before with Gonzo and it was so relaxing. I needed to relax. So I did it. I also got myself a smoothie. The Guy laughed and said he still won't suck my toes. Then we chit chatted about how I couldn't find my checkbook to make a car payment. Still don't know where it is. There are only 2 possible places it could be in my room (remember my room consists of a mattress, stackable cubes, and a small white cabinet). He asked if I wanted to hang out between 2 and 5. I just got home and was not really wanting to go out, but this sounded like it would be fun since he was so random about it.

He called me driving over and we talked about what we were doing in the car, made random noises and car sounds for each other, and things like that. The Guy got to his place about 10 minutes before me and was opening up the packages he ordered. HIs sex toys arrived- poppers, 3 18'' dildos, and some gel cock rings. I laughed and asked why he needed such a long dildo. Of course it wasn't for him. He was telling me how hot it was and stuff to play with. Ok...

Got to his place and he was on the phone trying to get a haircut. He was told he could immediately. He said he'd be there in 10 minutes and asked if I wanted to go. I said sure. We go and on the way over The Guy is telling me about his sex toys he just bought and how these dildos are so long and they'll take a while to work up to. His friend Bear is working at the hair salon. Bear brings The Guy and I passion tea with melon and sweetener from Starbucks since he gets ventis for $1.00 because he has connections. I sit around and play on my phone while The Guy gets his haircut.

I get a call from a 909 number that I recognize as being near Pomona, but was not sure who it was. Ok, is that bad when I am able to tell with the prefix (the number after the area code) where the number was from? I decided to answer. The person says "Mike, are you with The Guy?" I said yes. He said "hey, it's Jeff, is The Guy around? I'm hungry." I laughed and I said he was paying the cashier for his candles and haircut. I passed the phone to The Guy and The Guy got a huge kick that Jeff was hungry, so wanted The Guy to bring food to him. That's Jeff for you! Everyone in the beauty salon got a kick out of it. We were talking as we walked out about how Jeff got my number. We really don't know. Must have looked at The Guy's computer. Jeff had tried to call The Guy, but he didn't pick up. We get Jeff a teriyaki bowl at the sushi place next door.

We get back and Jeff gets made fun of for calling me and is sitting in The Guy's office on his computer doing some work. We tease him, The Guy asks him if he wants one of the gel cock rings, and he declines. He was surprised and the grin on his face was hilarious. The Guy asked Jeff repeatedly if he needed anything from Best Buy to which Jeff replied no. The Guy persisted in asking. We decided we needed to go get a 10 foot camera cord USB, a Firewire 800 cable, CD storage cases, and The Office Season 4 on DVD.

On our way to Best Buy Josh, The Guy's trainer calls. He says he is on the way to his mom's back surgery. Josh is on speakerphone so I hear everything. He is flirting with The Guy about everything- their workouts. There are some squats that The Guy called the "dick worship," basically The Guy explained as you're bowing and worshipping his dick when you do that. Then Josh was like yeah, that's hot. Josh decided The Guy and him need to go shopping to buy Puma shoes this weekend and so they're doing that today, Saturday. Josh also needs help studying. The Guy said he'll help with strip studying. Josh will need it and Josh sounded like he believed The Guy. The Guy said he knows Josh will do it. Josh was such a flirt on the phone- HE IS GAY- I SWEAR.

We go to Best Buy and nobody helps us, so The Guy resists the urge to buy a $320 portable hard drive that was firewire capable. We get "The Office" and $140 in CD cases (that's 5 that seat 48 CDs a piece). We go to Circuit City and find 2 really nice people who help us. They don't have the 10 foot camera cord The Guy wants, but they have a 10 foot USB cord that can be extended to put the attachment on it you need for that device.

Back to The Guy's and Jeff is gone. The Guy does some wash and takes off his jeans while standing at the wash. I joke that his ass is missing from his black Calvin Klein boxer briefs he is wearing. He said "noooooo" and he asked "what?" I came over and pulled on the material. The Guy took them off, laughed, and wondered how that happened. It was hot to have him standing there and seeing his little uncut dick soft. He walked around a few more minutes without any underwear, which is unusual for him. He would usually go shirtless before underwearless. The poppers are sitting on his washer and he asks me if I want to test them out and see if they're strong. I open them and say they are. He said cool. The Guy is hard after a few minutes and he asks me if I want to suck him off. I said sure. I go down and suck on him in front of the washing machine. I go down on him squeezing his ass and sucking his dick. HOT!!!

He says let's go in and take care of that. We go in the office, he sits in his chair and I suck on his dick while he is taking some poppers. I lick his balls and stuff like that. Then he says to wait here and get undressed. I do. The Guy comes back with a towel and under it is one of the new dildos. I cringe. That thing is THICK. It is like twice as thick as The Guy's dick, which is pretty thick. I suck The Guy while he tries to put the dildo in me. Then I finally lay on my stomach and he gets it in. He puts tons of lube on it and me as it goes in. At times it hurt a little and then he stopped. He kept asking me if I wanted it while we were fooling around and I'm thinking "HELL NO," this is THICK AND HURTS. It wasn't too bad, though, but what am I going to do with an 18'' dildo? Where would I put it? I sucked him and he played with the dildo in me. He put his ass/dick above my face and I sucked his dick while he jacked me off and occasionally played with the dildo. He played and pulled on my nipples, which was hot. I shot my load so unexpectedly and all over my chest. Then he stood up and jacked his dick and shot all over my chest also. He told me to use some soap and water to clean the dildo because it is all mine and he hopped in the shower. I got in behind him. We talked in the shower about how hot that experience was we just had. I asked how far the dildo was in me and he said about halfway.

After the shower we get dressed. We talk about how The Guy got most of his books put away. There are 2 boxes in the closet still. He shows me how all of his DVDs are hard to find because he has so many, so wants the cases we just bought. He has me organize his kitchen throwing out old kitchen appliances like an old food processor- his only food processor. While I'm putting kitchen utensils, boxed food, and spices away, he is finding places for all of the cords that he has laying out. I get 3 boxes of stuff put back and that pretty much takes care of the kitchen. He does a final vacuum. He talks about what an integral part of this process I've been and how he enjoys me so much.

He had to leave at 5:15 to go to his exercise class, so we hugged, I thanked him for my dildo, and took off. I said I would love to hang out before Wednesday, which is the start of my hell week with family stuff. I got home at 6:00p.m. Thankfully I brought my computer case to hide the dildo in it when bringing it into the house. I found a place in my room that is under lock, so we should be fine.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

She can sense it

My mom and I had a long talk tonight. She says she know and has known for months there is an issue I'm hiding from her. It started when I was in her bedroom brushing my teeth. The master bathroom in my parent's bedroom is much larger than the other bathroom, therefore I brush my teeth in it since there is room to actually store my toothbrush.

Anyways, my dad fell asleep on the couch tonight and so he'll sleep there all night. My mom was talking about how late I've been staying up. I told her that it was 4a.m. last night before I fell asleep. I said that I've been exhausted, but nerves and a constant wandering mind have kept me up. Both of those are 100% true.

My sister finished brushing her teeth and said goodnight to my mom. My mom said that there's something bothering me, so let's just sit together and talk for a little bit. I laid with my head in the middle of the bed curled up in a ball as she rubbed my head. She asked about what sort of furniture/theme I want to go with in my bedroom. I told her about the pictures i posted a few weeks back. She said she'll see when we can purchase me a bedroom set. I said that's not a big deal right now because really, just having all of the old icky furniture in my room gone is HEAVEN.

She asked me about what kind of clothes she should bring for my dad's army reunion next week. We talked about clothes and she notices how I'm branching out in what I wear. She said she is glad and asked if there is anything I need for when I start school.

She rolled over in bed and repositioned herself and we started a new topic. She said that the physical therapy she has been going through at Kaiser has really helped and so her legs don't hurt when she turns over in bed. I mentioned how my lower back has been hurting and in the evening is very tight. She asked why. She speculated that it was me doing all of this work on the house this summer. I said no- I think it is nerves and stress. She said that surprised her because I don't appear stressed to her. I always have a smile on my face and I don't tell her anything. She said I tell my dad what's going on or why I may be mad, but not her. I said "well, I tell you about school and other things like that which make me mad or stress me out." She said that there's a lot more I tell my dad. I was totally being bold tonight and maybe it was because she was rubbing my head. How relaxing is that? Seriously. I proposed that there were a lot of things I don't think she'd understand and I'm still trying to figure out myself. She said that she just wants to be there to talk and it bothers her that I'm not as open to her with my dad. My mom said when we talk it is always her pushing the conversation, and as of late, over the past year or so that is the truth. I have distanced myself out of fear of letting that little secret out. But also when I find myself annoyed by certain things like that she insists on saving everything it bothers me, so rather than talking about it I distance myself or will criticize and show my disgust. I have been harsher towards her.

Sitting there, I was just about to let it all go. I wasn't prepared though, and I caught myself. I could have easily said "mom, I'm gay," and I think it could have flowed and would have been rather easy after the conversation we had just had. I could have said "well, I could clear some of the stuff up about distancing myself and not talking to you- I'm worried you'd reject me because I'm gay." I just didn't feel right because I wasn't prepared. I'd like to talk more with my mom just about life, what's going on with me, my thoughts, friends, and things like that, then maybe drop the ball. Hopefully we can have one of these convos. again soon and I can open up more about my life. Just maybe talk, tell her what is going on with friends, my worries about school/after school (which is something I tend to not talk about with her and I do go to dad for).

The issue mom is being left in the dark on this week is my sister is mad at me (still over being busted the other night, which is not my fault). I called her out for flooding the bathroom the other day and she got upset. She told me I was gay, and threatened me. Don't think I blogged about it, but I did not handle the situation well. It really made me feel hopeless. My sister threatened to tell my dad I was gay, and did in fact tell my dad I was. He just kind of told my sister to not cause any problems and that wasn't true. I could probably go to my mom and say sis is teasing me, causing problems, and this is what she is saying. But my mom will want to know what and if I say that I'm gay, then I'll have to do damage and rumor control. I fear that if I say that's not true, then when I do come out that'll be a lie, so that's a no go. So mom is in the dark on that.

But seriously, something like this, or like me having a "nightmare" and waking up crying, or upset I think would be a coming out scenario I could handle. I think I've mentioned this before but the nightmare scenario has sort of happened before with my mom a few months back, but I couldn't say the words. I remember being frustrated back in May because of family circumstances and was worried I'd have to come out right then and there, and that was going to be how I would do it. I still think that would be the best way because my mom will see how upset I am, how much I'm hurt, how I'm losing sleep, how I'm worried that she won't accept me, how I'm sick over it, and how this is affecting my sleep. I think if I could come out and just present it like that she'll totally have my sympathy. The reason I didn't do something like that was tonight was a school night and she has to get up in a couple hours and I didn't want to deal, but also I didn't feel ready on my end because that's not the only thing I'm not being open with to her.

The situation tonight would hopefully mimic the situation with me having a nightmare. I could just onload onto her everything going on and bothering me and go reason by reason. It is coming............... I think..................... ****

I think I'd definitely be able to gain my mom's sympathy and to be able to show her how much her not knowing and how worried I am about her finding out is driving me crazy, causing this nervousness, causing this uneasiness, causing this hiding, causing me tons of stress, she'll be more inclined to take pity and be less judgmental and she'll be more in the moment rather than thinking ahead, asking 10000 questions or just being upset. The upset part is bound to come, but I think if I could play off something like that at first, then let the other part come later it would be better just because she sees how the issue has torn me up- like where sexuality is not a choice or something that can easily be changed.

It is 11:58p.m. right now, been typing this for 30 minutes or so, maybe sleep will come.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Church counseling

I've brought up many times before how I'm most worried about my mom finding out about me being gay because of Christianity and how homosexuality fits into that mix. How will she take it? What will her reaction be? What will she do?

Well, is church counseling the answer, or is this too good to be true?

I was scanning through the local section of the newspaper this morning and saw an ad for my old church. They're really not doing well financially and have been taking out large ads in the paper to promote their bookstore, grille, café, church services, and today counseling services.

It was a quarter page ad in black and white, with the churches logo in red.

If I had a scanner I would scan it in so you could see- I don't on my laptop, so here's the text:

Big Mega Christian Church offers counseling for any and more of these issues in a friendly, warm, and Christian setting! Call or e-mail Pastor Fran.

Gay family issues? And this is a big Christian church we're talking about who sent out and passed out fliers in grocery store parking lots urging Californians to vote against gay marriage a couple years back? Are they suddenly really accepting, supporting, or were they going to say that homosexuality is wrong? What is the deal? I don't know, and I still don't know.

I did fire an e-mail to Pastor Fran, the same pastor who I recall urged during one service when the whole gay marriage issue first came to fruition in California urged members of the congregation.

In a nutshell I told him I'm a longtime member who happens to be gay, am ready to come out to my mom, but am worried she will have a negative reaction because of the church and Bible's views on homosexuality. Can they help?

Pastor Fran e-mailed me back and said:

We will absolutely help in any way we can. Why don’t we sit down and let me tell you what we can do to help your mom and what we will be telling her. I assume you would want to know what we will say to her so you can give her solid answers to her questions. Let me know when you can meet

So... I'm thinking of going. I'm a little hesitant because he does know who I am. It is not like he'll gossip, but just a man I've known for so many years and suddenly, wham! But it sounds like they're being supportive. So should I schedule an appointment to meet and see what he has to say about what he'll tell my mom?

I'm thinking it couldn't hurt... but...

Monday, September 1, 2008

Technical support

Our internet was acting up this morning. We have this all the time. This morning it was the usual PPPOE server. We reset the internet about 10 times in 2 hours. I got fed up and tried to work on the new router I had to install. Did not work. I was so frustrated I started calling The Guy about 12p.m. I called and the phone rang once, then disconnected, I called him 6 more times. He called me once or twice and each time there was nothing on his end. I finally e-mailed him and he called me. He asked what was going on and I told him. We spent almost an hour and a half trying to set up the Apple Airport Extreme router to no avail.

At 1p.m. he said to bring it over and he'd reset and update it. I get in my car and drive over. I get over to his place, walk in, and he sounds really groggy. He's in the office and buying some gold in DDO. We talk for a few minutes about DDO and I run an instance with him on his laptop and him on the desktop. We talk about how badly my sister treated me this weekend. That's another post that I may or may not write- but basically she told me I was gay. She was trying to find something to bother me and that did. I had a real bad night Saturday night and called The Guy crying, even though his boyfriend (or soon to be) Matt was there. He calmed me down.

Anyways, The Guy realized he didn't want to play DDO because his head hurt. He played around with the router trying to fix it. He also went on and ordered a new Drobo storage device because his failed. It is $500, but he figured version 2 of the Drobo is better than the first. So he bought that and a 16 foot USB cord for his video camera. I wouldn't pay another $500 for another of the same product that didn't work more than 2-3 months.

We also had to talk about our new favorite topic. Mrs. Sarah Palin. The Guy talked about what he was reading online about how her daughter is pregnant, how she is not home with the kids, and how he is tired about abortion and gay marriage rallying up Republicans causing them to turn out and vote and decide elections. I really like to talk politics with The Guy. I think it is because I can play both sides well on a lot of issues, or add some tidbits of information he might not have heard. When he brought up her pregnant daughter I mentioned how she seems power hungry and will do anything including exploit her kids. Would you exploit your child like that just for the sake of becoming VP? Wouldn't you try to be there for her or cover it up? To me, being a young kid and hearing it played out on TV I was knocked up or knocked a girl up and having a mom be so open about it rather than try to protect me doesn't play well with me, so I brought that to the table. I know it is an issue that is bound to come out, but you'd think Governor Palin would have taken extra steps to protect her kids.

Anyways, we went in and laid down on the bed and watched XMen. I thought I was going to pick, then he did. I had the Apple remote, though. He took it and put on XMen. We got about 3/4 of the way in the movie and then it got too fake. He put on an episode of the Colbert Report from last week. I had already seen the clip he wanted to show me, but watched intently. Then he wanted to know what Bill Maher said, so we looked for him on iTunes. Couldn't find him, so we found him on youtube and then went in the office where we played a few more minutes.

Then he wanted to go back to bed. He has had a bad ear infection for the past 3-4 days, but can't go to the doctor until tomorrow.

I left about 6:30 and am going to try the router later since I have a few more ideas and now that it has been reset.