Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Losing a best friend

Losing The Guy's friendship - if that's what has happened - has left me wondering and feeling empty when it comes to friends.

Some people have many best friends. I have a few, and I try to keep them close. My 4 best friends are my friend the pilot, but I can't talk about things like sexuality with him. Career, yes, family, yes. I can share just about anything with Sissy, but there's 2 things I don't feel comfortable talking with her about - money and my partner - I don't have negative things to say about my partner, but she knows him well too, and likes him, and I feel like I can't say a lot because of that. I know all about her marital problems, and money issues, but it feels weird for me to share with her. Gonzo is another I can share just about anything with, however, I don't feel like she has real advice to give me sometimes, like with teaching, or life experiences because she hasn't been there.

The Guy was someone I could share everything with - about family, friends, work, school, career, life, you name it. I don't have that anymore, and I miss it. We hadn't really seen each other since my schedule switched to mornings. It was always hit and miss, and he didn't seem to be willing to meet up for breakfast, when I suggested. Was our friendship gone then? We had worked for about 4-5 months to get together, then when I said some things, maybe that severed it completely. We did chat a few times, and had good conversations prior to me saying those things. I just still ponder - was it that final thing I said? Was it my persistence? He was the one who always said he appreciated it because otherwise he wouldn't get out and see people. I appreciated his friendship, and always tried to reciprocate.

I just feel like I'm lacking a best friend - some people say their partner is - and I certainly consider my partner my best friend, but it is hard I guess.

Monday, June 15, 2015

Some biz going on in my life

Let's see...

Summer classes for my admin credential are going fine. I'm ahead, so that's good, I am actually able to have a summer.

Still working on the state project. LOTS more to go, but going to work hard to knock a lot out tomorrow and Wednesday.

Friday I was in a fender bender getting off the freeway - I was at the stop, the guy didn't see me until the last moment, and plowed into me. It literally bent the fender of my car. I was driving my partner's luxury SUV. Wasn't my fault. Insurance has been great. I was so worried my partner would be upset, but he's glad since the car has a lot of miles and the headlights on the lift gate should match again... haha.

Spent the weekend shopping.

Last night my mom sent me a terrible text I didn't want to hear. I heard about a month and a half ago that Momma P had been using a breathing tube at night. Friday night she had a heart attack, and died Saturday afternoon about 4pm. I was stunned. I wanted to cry, and it was everything to hold back tears. This woman's legacy is incredible. She always wanted her hug, and I can still hear her raspy voice saying "gimme a hug." She was always so cheery. She always asked my mom how I was. I can't believe she is gone. She was the heart of all of the staff get togethers. My mom still meets them monthly, but I look forward to the updates. Momma knew everything about everyone. I'm saddened even further I probably won't be able to make the funeral since I have had vacation plans for 6, and can't cancel, otherwise I'm not going to be able to meet up with my partner and his friend. I think the last time I saw Momma was about a year and a half ago - maybe when my mom had a get together at the buffet with all the staff. I feel like I've seen her more recently, but now it is escaping me. That's one part of my schedule at work that bites. I can't go to the getogethers. It is going to feel strange not hearing about her, and knowing she truly is gone.

Last night I also sold my car. The first car I bought independent of my parents. The guy who bought it was about 22. He gave me about $800 more than I could get trading it in. Woo.

Gonzo and I got together today. I haven't seen her in probably a year. I saw her when she was student teaching. She and my dad went to IHOP. I had resources to give her since she will be a first year teacher this coming year. I got to meet her daughter who was only 3-4 months old at the time. So happy for Gonzo, and so excited that she finally got her teaching job!!!