Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Losing a best friend

Losing The Guy's friendship - if that's what has happened - has left me wondering and feeling empty when it comes to friends.

Some people have many best friends. I have a few, and I try to keep them close. My 4 best friends are my friend the pilot, but I can't talk about things like sexuality with him. Career, yes, family, yes. I can share just about anything with Sissy, but there's 2 things I don't feel comfortable talking with her about - money and my partner - I don't have negative things to say about my partner, but she knows him well too, and likes him, and I feel like I can't say a lot because of that. I know all about her marital problems, and money issues, but it feels weird for me to share with her. Gonzo is another I can share just about anything with, however, I don't feel like she has real advice to give me sometimes, like with teaching, or life experiences because she hasn't been there.

The Guy was someone I could share everything with - about family, friends, work, school, career, life, you name it. I don't have that anymore, and I miss it. We hadn't really seen each other since my schedule switched to mornings. It was always hit and miss, and he didn't seem to be willing to meet up for breakfast, when I suggested. Was our friendship gone then? We had worked for about 4-5 months to get together, then when I said some things, maybe that severed it completely. We did chat a few times, and had good conversations prior to me saying those things. I just still ponder - was it that final thing I said? Was it my persistence? He was the one who always said he appreciated it because otherwise he wouldn't get out and see people. I appreciated his friendship, and always tried to reciprocate.

I just feel like I'm lacking a best friend - some people say their partner is - and I certainly consider my partner my best friend, but it is hard I guess.


SCalRF said...

This is something I have always struggled with as well. Some people do have "one" best friend. But I'd say it's just as (if not more) common to have multiple best friends. It's hard to find everything in one person. So you have your friends who you talk relationships with, your activity buddies, your work friends, etc. And then of course your partner. Ideally your partner is your "best friend", but ultimately they're your partner first.

It's always hard for me when I grow apart from someone that I've been close with. But unfortunately it is often a fact of life. As they say, some people are only in your life for a season. However, sometimes old friendships get rekindled in unexpected ways. I hope that this is the case with you and The Guy, but if not just know that it's nothing personal, it's just the way it goes sometimes.

Aek said...

I totally feel you on this one. I don't have many best friends and the few I do have I try to keep close. One of my greatest pet peeves is when someone doesn't return a text or call within 24-48 hours. I ALWAYS respond rather promptly.

I can never understand when I try to stay connected but the other person just doesn't respond and then suddenly seem to cut off all communication. That's more than simply "drifting away," it's something more deliberate and it hurts.

*Hugs* Totally feel you on this one.