Feeling a stress

How's it going? Having a great weekend at a conference in the Bay Area for work. I don't know anyone, and that's ok. I'm just doing my things, learning, and enjoying it. I sometimes like going places I don't know anyone and getting to do my own thing, and be on my own.

Been feeling anxiety lately. Not anxiety from work, family, relationship or my personal life. I am worried about friendships as of recent - Gonzo and The Guy, but could that be it? A lot of it is we haven't talked with Gonzo, and I said some things to The Guy that really upset him, and we haven't talked in weeks. My anxiety has just spiked, and I'm not sure why. Going back on my anxiety meds... there goes being able to orgasm. Was in my hotel room last night and had the hardest time getting off.

Why not just call Eyewitness News at 11pm the Elex Michaelson Show?

Last night Elex was on 2 stories - some pursuit or maybe it was the Kyle Kraska story, and then a girl with down syndrome receiving a bunch of birthday cards. In the last 30 seconds of the story it is so awkward when he is like yelling at Ashley, and asking for a high 5. He is just so awkward. He cannot do human interest stories.


Tonight he is on a guide dog for the blind story and the Bob Simon death story. OMG. I can't watch him.

I am now watching CBS2 at 11 as of tonight. I've had enough of him.

Line dancing, yee haw!!!

So I'm making it a goal to become better at line dancing this year. I am making it my goal to go to the local line dancing club on nights they have line dancing, and my partner is not home. He won't go to the club for many reasons - the people aren't that accepting he thinks, he doesn't dance, and its something I can do with my cousins instead of him. So the times I get to go are very slim...

I blogged already there's a gay line dance bar in the Silverlake portion of LA, but that's far. I've been. Years ago.

I try to watch youtube videos and memorize the steps, but there are so many dances. There are the basics - the 2 step, the tush push, electric slide, cha cha slide, and cupid shuffle. I can mostly do those. I can't remember all the steps.

I also find when I watch the youtube videos as the people are doing all sorts of turns and end up facing the wall (and me away from the screen), I can't see the steps, and I've already forgotten it.

I find I have to be in the club watching other people and mimic their steps for me to learn. Somehow my brain and watching the steps, and mimicking what I see on youtube does not match.

I want to get better, but when I don't have friends around, and can't make sense of the youtube videos it seems like a losing game.

So for now, I am going to use these cheat sheets. 

Exercise suggestions

I hate to say it - I can no longer eat or drink anything without doing a lot of exercise to burn off the calories. A couple of glasses of wine or alcohol here or there, some sweets, and savory foods thrown in all catch up with me.

I've been stuck around 170lbs for weeks.

So at the gym I've been switching up what I do - I go 4 days, and do cardio 2, then weights 2 (legs and upper body).

My partner after 5 years of saying he would never go to the gym has just given in. He is telling me my issue is I do weights. He said I should just be going and doing straight cardio each day. He said it is not about having muscle definition - it is about being skinny. He brings up the example of our friend B, who is into swimming. He swims 4-5 times a week for 30 minutes a day. He has the same exact build as me. SAME. If you were to place us side by side in our bathing suits you would see the tone in the same places. He is, however, able to burn and keep the weight off. Is it because he is doing cardio? I am debating. He has lost 2 pant sizes. I am thinking of switching to 3 days cardio and 1 day weights.

Any suggestions to help me bring sexy back?

It's Britney, Bitch

That's right, It's Britney. Saw her in Vegas with my partner last night. Total last minute tickets. We were in row P, paid about $100. Definitely a lot of lip syncing going on, not a lot of artist/audience interaction, so it seemed very staged and she seemed distant from the audience. Those in the pit didn't really seem to be doing anything crazy other than standing there.

After 3 Southern Comfort and Sprites, 1/2 bottle of pinot grigio, a glass at the theater, and Voco (vodka and coconut water), I became quite the philosopher (I was not drunk - I hold my alcohol well,) but at that point I'm loose enough to let my realizations flow...

Britney's songs are like my life story. I relate to Britney so well. We all have those naive moments (I'm Not A Girl... Not Yet A Woman), Sometimes we love, sometimes we hide (Sometimes), when we try to leave our parents and become (Overprotected), and I'm not perfect and sometimes repeat things I shouldn't do (Oops I did it Again!). Then when I hit 21 I was suddenly Toxic. And that's about the time I came out, and in the gay world, You Better Work Bitch, and maybe I had some of those in the bedroom "I'm A Slave For You" moments. And we all have those moments where "I Wanna Go" all the way tonight, and I'll keep dancing or working "Until the World Ends." And life's experiences make me "Stronger" than yesterday.

Pics to come.

We made it

Long and tough month.

It was my birthday month. 2-3 days after my birthday, the inlaws showed up for the month. It wasn't too bad. They have been here 2 times before with me around. They are nice enough. His mom and I get along well, but his dad is very opinionated and harder to deal with. I enjoyed being taken out to dinner many nights and being wined and dined. I won't miss FOX News each night, the car auction shows on TV, and all other sporting events on TV.

Spent lots of time on the phone with my parents- I call them daily - listening to their kitchen remodel nightmare. My advice to you - avoid really commercial sounding names when it comes to home improvement projects, and don't choose a contractor just because he "is a good Christian" and has the Christian fish symbol on his business card. I find so often those "good" Christians are out to take people who give into that shit - my parents included. Thank god I don't live at home.

I am teaching an extra class at work - that has taken a lot of my time too.

I've been applying for adjunct positions at the local colleges. No bites so far. Damn.

I think I'm going to do that admin degree. I need something to occupy my time. Don't wanna take out the loan.