Wednesday, September 14, 2011

This may be what causes me to move out

This may be a cryptic post, and it is, I'm being vague, but I want to think about this as I write and get my thoughts out.

It can be seen on 2 fronts-

My dad has raised a monster, my sister, whom he takes no responsibility and will not stand up to. She is the princess who can do no wrong. Now that she has done something wrong, something that is destroying my family, my dad can't stop it, and won't stand up to it.

I am staying away and distancing myself- staying at the boyfriend's- so when this does come to an even bigger head than it does right now I won't be the one who is there and said "told ya so," or one to have to deal with the ramifications.

The second front-

My dad is not a good communicator and does not handle his anger well. He can't handle this frustration and doesn't know what to do, so he resulted in something that could make it seem like his ultimatum to show people like my sister they need to shape up.


I am to share in some of the blame- when I am home- I do things that bother. But how often am I home? 2-3 nights a week as opposed to 7 of my sister?


It has to do with some of the health stuff my dad is going through and that can tax everyone.

Clearly I want my parents to see who is to blame in this... I just know it can and will get worse, and I don't want to be here as it does. I don't know if I'm in the right backing away, especially at a time when my dad does "need" me, and he does "miss" me, and has been somewhat depressed over this.

I just know when my sister's and father's actions finally come to a head, if they get really bad, I will be gone...


fan of casey said...

Mike: OK this is so cryptic so I can only give back general comments/observations:

1. Can you sit down and rationally discuss this with your dad, don't place blame, just try to help him find a solution. Don't tell him what to do, coach him to find the right answer -- kinda of treat him like one of your students who you know can do it, but just needs to apply himself.

2. While this may be the final straw that forces you to move out, don't make this the reason (you have plenty of good reasons for moving, stick to those); since he is already dealing with an illness, don't make him choose between you or your sister.

3. Where is your mother in all this? Doesn't she have a say in either disciplining your sister or counseling your father -- altho your sis is technically an adult, your parents need to start treating her and giving her responsibilities like one instead of coddling her.

4. You can remind your dad that moving out doesn't mean you are totally gone; make a point of visiting regularly; call him often (with you gone, your sister can easily undermine you to your parents and you won't be there to defend yourself)

Anonymous said...

Your sister appears to still be stuck in high school while you have moved past that nonsense. You are on the verge of some wonderful things happening in your life. You have a job that you have worked hard to obtain, and a great boyfriend. Don't let this get in the way of your life and your goals. She is not your child nor your problem. If your parents insist on overlooking her antics and obvious self-centered nature, so be it.

Sounds harsh, right? It is. But that's the reality. Focus on you and not all the drama at home. Move out because it is time. It's what you are supposed to do. It's called being an adult.

Nicholas said...

Man, after a certain point, your parents are responsible for their own well-being. You're around to love them and show you care by showing up here and there, but by no stretch of what is culturally acceptable are you required to endure their and your sister's BS any more. I don't know about moving in with the bf, but I can tell you that at least moving out will probably be very beneficial at this point. And, it's not like you can't take care of yourself.

Aek said...

Oh noes! What's happening now? It's one thing to distance yourself and be kind of like an outside arbiter looking in, and another to just stay away. There's got to be a way for you to mediate things (just a little) and not get caught in the crossfires!

Anonymous said...

Ultimately, all of you are responsible for your own actions, which have consequences beyond yourselves of course. That your sister is not a good person is clear, but you admit that you yourself cause some problems when you're at home. Given your dad's health situation, I'd hope you'd try to minimize (eliminate) the stress you might cause for him, regardless of what your sister does. She might be a monster, but that doesn't mean you should cause problems too. Be the best person you can be by taking care of yourself and minimizing your negative impact on others.

Regardless, it seems like some distance between you and your family--moving out--would be a good thing.