Being bullied

I've been chatting back and forth with reader, fan of casey, and wanted to write something along the lines of bullying to partly respond to his questions, but also because this is a topic that I feel strongly about I want to talk about. I started writing this post not knowing where it was going to go, but take a look and see...
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I've been bullied.
- 77% of students are bullied, and the abuse can come in many different forms- verbal, physical, etc.
- Over 160,000 kids miss school each day due to bullying.
- 30 million students in the US, and as many at least 2 million are maybe gay.
- Gay teens are 2/3 more likely to commit suicide
- Gay teens have higher substance abuse, attendance problems, etc.

With the bullying incidents that seem to have come to a head over the past couple days- the Rutgers incident, and Ellen's response to gay bullying.


I was listening to Valentine on MYFM, yesterday morning, who was talking about bullying, asking if you were bullied, and how you handled it. All of the DJs/producers, Nate, Valentine, and Irma were able to name the bullies. They named names. Irma refrained since she is a SoCal girl, and chances are they were listening, but the point was clear that you don't forget the names of those who bully you, and what they say to you.

10-12 or so years later I still haven't forgotten those who bullied me. I was bullied once or twice in 7th grade by Shay, whom I had known since elementary, but the pique times for me were between 4th and 6th grades. I remember my bullies, and they were Tommy F, Brad K, Chris M, Shay, Stephanie Y, Amy L, and Brad H. They all have names, and I have not forgotten what they did, and can still see many of the events etched in my mind. I was bullied over things from my clothes to sexuality to lack of athletic abilities.

Jack Off Buddy made a statement on facebook that has been etched in the back of my mind because it was so powerful. He remembers being called a fag and the pain better than memories about his best Christmas.

Seacrest had a group on talking about bullying simultaneously as Valentine was talking about it. He had on a support group that goes about visiting schools, and they were taking calls from parents. Seacrest talked about how he had been bullied, but now he can laugh in all of their faces because he is not the fat little kid, and he is more successful than them. The group presented the statistics above, as well as more, which I had heard, but they cause me to cringe. If you're interested in the audio search Lauren Parsekian on his site. The group was actually dealing with girls bullying each other, and taking calls from parents whose kids had been bullied, and I was just so sad for the students. Students who are so depressed, who seem like they have all of the life taken out of them, students who feel like they have no friends, and kids who are told they can play with a group only for the group to turn on them... I had tears in my eyes as I drove to work.

It seems other bloggers are talking about bullying right now like Kelly over at Rambling along in life...

The teacher credentialing system in most states is horrible. The education classes are based on theory and little on real world scenarios. The education classes do little to educate teachers how to deal with bullying. I'll tell you the training I've had: a few words of advice, "be proactive." The professors I've had say bullying is bad, you need to stop it because your job is to create the best possible classroom as possible where all students feel comfortable to learn. You can lose your credential if a parent or lawyer sues you because their son or daughter was bullied, and you knowingly could have prevented it. But as far as training? Nothing is really in place anywhere. The classes largely focus on cultural diversity and multiculturalism.

I have dealt with 2 instances of bullying in my classroom just while subbing that I dealt with:

- Marshall is one of the few white boys on the campus I teach at. He is in regular classes, even though he is probably a few grades behind. He is a good hearted boy who will try his hardest, but is often made fun of for various reasons. The first time I met him was last year in 7th grade. He was in a group of boys in Mel's class. The class was a handful to say the least. I had a lot going on. He came up to me as I was walking around and told me that 2 boys were making fun of him. I said I would handle it. I didn't say anything more. That meant I walked over and hung out in the area. I saw one boy take his paper, and then scribble a line through it. I called the kid out and sent him outside. I followed behind after about 30 seconds. That gave the kid a moment to calm down and I conferenced with him. The kid came back in and I put him in a new seat. The kid began taunting Marshall from across the room calling him retard and slow. I told the kid who was making fun of Marshall that it is not tolerated. Marshall might not understand something, but I can assure the kid who was teasing that he was not perfect, and asked how he would like it if I, or another student teased him. Obviously he was offended. I left it at that, then I heard the taunting start right after. I told the kid he had 2 warnings, and obviously my being nice would not work. I got on the phone and let the assistant principal know she would have a visitor, and I sent the kid down. I sent the paper he scribbled on, as well as a note. I did my duty. I subbed in the class several times after and made sure that Marshall and this kid were separated. I know the kid who bullied Marshall was eventually moved into a different class because he was bullying other students.

- I subbed for Linda last year 4-5 times within 2 weeks at the beginning of the year as she was out at several trainings about team teaching, leadership, and English planning. I met William in that class. William was tall, skinny, had black hair that he curled with a curling iron he carried in his backpack, would wear a pair of jeans, and jean skirts. He was all the rage with the girls in the class and sat around them. I liked the kid- he said some of the most outlandish stuff that just made me chuckle. He had a brilliant sense of humor, and you could joke with him in ways you couldn't other 7th graders- he understood sarcasm. We were in the midst of a classroom read aloud when suddenly one kid raised their hand from across the room, and said, "Mr. Teacher, William is gay." I was probably silent a moment or two, then said that it doesn't matter, we are there to learn about Islam, or whatever topic we were covering. I said even if he is it doesn't matter. I said that things like that (sexuality) don't matter. He's a good kid who does all of his work. This kid is merely speculating and saying things that weren't necessarily true. I said that was damaging to the person and could be suspendable. I said that I could make the same remark he had just made to him, and how would he feel about it? He stood up and told me "that's messed up," and I said that was my opinion of it too. I said it was messed up he said that. I stopped there and sent the student who made the comment about William to the assistant principal. The student who made the accusations was at least talked to I'm sure. I know that about a week later he was moved from Linda's class.