Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Graduation - What would you do?

I told myself a few weeks back that I wasn't going to go to my graduation for my masters and just wait until my diploma arrives in the mail. After a guilt trip from Mike he convinced me to walk. He said that it is a higher degree than a lot of people get, it is something to be proud of, it is higher than what my parents have, and I worked hard to get where I am. I agreed and suddenly had a change of heart. I registered to graduate and walk last night.

I get home and told my parents. That's where the conflict started. I knew my sister's graduation was sometime in May- that is if she really is truly able to graduate.

I told my parents my graduation was May 22 at 9am and my sister said her graduation is at "9:30 or 10ish" on May 22. Her graduation is between 30 minutes and 60 minutes after mine.

Mine is in South Orange County and hers is in Central Orange County. Getting from my graduation to hers is simply not an option - and I mean that from a practical standpoint- 10-20 miles difference, a couple freeways away, parking, visiting with family/friends, the graduation speakers etc. that take forever, the number of people graduating.

My sister already sent out her graduation announcements and everyone has agreed to attend- my aunt, uncle, cousin, older cousin, older cousin's boyfriend, my dad, and mom.

When I told my parents they said that they were going to go to my sister's as all of my family has agreed to attend. They said they were there for my graduation from college and will be there for hers. It is out of the question that 1 parent goes to 1 and 1 goes to the other.

On one hand I see it is fair they went to mine and they are going to hers. She, as much as I hate her, deserves the same validation that I got when I graduated. Part of the reason I decided to walk was I wanted the validation and recognition that she will get from my parents. It feels good. I know my parents are proud of me, but still.

So here are some questions and thoughts that I had/pondered in my mind:
- Why walk if my family is not going to be there to see me?
- Why walk if only 2 of my friends are walking with me?
- Should I just bow out of mine and go to my sisters, which I feel is expected since my entire family is there?
- Do I go to mine and have Mike cheer me on?
- Would it look tacky to go to mine and not my sisters, then all show up for a dinner or whatever my family has planned?
- To me graduation is about celebrating my accomplishments, which I really want to do now...

I talked to Mike and he said it is up to me what I do.

I called The Guy this morning and asked for his advice. He honestly didn't know what to do. He said it sounds like it is my choice and I can do what I please, but I shouldn't be hurt that my parents are choosing 1 child over the other because that's not the case here- it is just a case of bad scheduling on the part of 2 higher educational institutions.

So I am throwing this out here for your advice... what would you do? Would you go to your sister's graduation or would you go to yours?


fan of casey said...

Mike: You cannot help that there is a scheduling conflict that does not allow your family to be at two places at once. While I agree, graduation ceremonies are as much as for the graduate as it is for the proud parents, family and friends -- you should not begrudge people if they attend your sister's one instead of your's because 1) she announced first, 2) people attended your undergrad ceremonies already, so you did get validation, and 3) the celebration dinner afterwards will be for both of you.

I agree with OM that you should attend your own master's graduation -- it is a big deal -- and there will be friends there to see you and wish you well, especially your BF. So go, enjoy and bask in the your accomplishment. Small and large victories in life should be celebrated.

Phunk Factor said...

Can u find out the exact time when u will be called up on stage?

That's what they did wen my elder sister was graduating so at that specific time, we could get up close and snap pictures if we wanted to!

If u can find that out..n ur sister's as well...see if there is a possibility fr ur parents to be at both places fr both of u!

The other thing u could do is attend on ur own..if Master is such a rarity..and u think ur sister isn't going to go that far..then this is probably the only graduation she will hav..let her hav her moment! U can go with Mike, The Guy and whoevr else u can bribe!

By any means...do not sit on this one...it's a big moment of ur life, man...i hate tht my university doesn't hav any such ceremony..once we clear the exams..we just go and collect our diploma and certificate..no claps, no thunderous applause, no picture taking..it SUCKS!

U shud most definitely go!

Anonymous said...

"Would you go to your sister's graduation or would you go to yours?" Personally, neither - I haven't been to any of my ceremonies yet. But it sounds like you would enjoy this experience more - so go to your own. Going to dinner with your family later is not at all tacky. You're just hanging out with them, and also celebrating your sister's accomplishment.
Is there someone to take your photo? That would be a nice souvenir if you walked, especially if you're not planning to study further.

BI LIKE ME said...

I think you should go to yours, and try and make it to your sister's too. Usually, there are plenty of boring speeches and hundreds of other graduates..maybe you'll be lucky to make it to see your sister walk down the aisle.

If not, check out the video that your parents hopefully will take, and have a big family celebration together after..celebrating both of your accomplishments!

Xtremeforce said...


I would not fault your parent's at all. First off you did decided after the fact which there is nothing wrong with that but I am sure your parent's were at your graduation so it's only fair they attend your sisters.

I would go to my masters ceremony if I were you. I think it's possible to do both. You did say her ceremony was 30-60 after yours so it's possible to still go to yours an attend her albeit a little late but it will satisfy your parent's and family and your sister. It will not solve the issue of having family there to see you get your masters but you have to look at it this way a degree whether its a masters or undergrad is a big deal and they were both at your undergrad so it wouldn't be fair to your sister if only one was there. They're damned if they do and damned if don't no easy answer.

Hey you will still have one of the most important person in your life cheering you on. How about filming it for your parents?

Also will Mike be at the dinner with you?

Mike said...

Thanks for the encouragement everyone!!! I am convinced I will walk even if just for my own personal satisfaction to say that I did it.

@ fan of casey: I agree that I can't help anything and am not going to be mad at her at the people. On one hand what is the coincidence that this would happen like this?
I like the idea of taking Mike along.

@ Phunk Factor: I may call and see, but my sister told me this morning her graduation now starts at the exact same time. I will do some more investigating.
That sucks to hear about your university not having a graduation- just collecting your diploma- makes me want to go even more.

@ M@rvin: I now plan to take Mike along.

@ Bi Like Me: Thanks for the encouragement! Sounds like the consensus is for me to walk. I plan on it now. LOL.

@ Xtremeforce: I agree completely. I am sure there will probably be a dinner or something afterward and while it may be a lot of nerves on both of our ends I would introduce him.

Aek said...

That's quite the bind you're in. Personally, I think you should walk as it's a well-deserved recognition for completing a degree. So your family agreed to be at your sister's graduation, that's totally valid too. See if you can get some of your good friends to come to your graduation!! :-P

And afterwards, you can try to catch the tail-end of your sister's graduation, or just rendezvous with the rest of your family for dinner later. That's not so bad and I don't think it'd be tacky.

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