I AM BI

There... said it... :::giggles:::

Well, a couple Fridays ago, I came out and basically said to Gonzo that I was bi. I couldn't seem to get the words out and felt really bad. It was such a huge relief and I was elated to tell her that. I really wanted though, to say the words. I got around to that tonight.

We wanted to meet Monday night for dinner at 9p.m.. Didn't work. We met tonight at Jack in the Box. I had a root beer float and tacos. I wanted the float, but Gonzo insisted I ate, so I had tacos.

First, I got to check out her new Scion box. She gave me the grand tour. I didn't get to sit in the drivers seat though because the person she was parked next to was waiting to get in the car. She asked if my opinion on the car had changed. I said I still find them ugly, but that I don't really care, she is happy, I love to see her happy, so that is all that matters.

We sat at the chairs with the bar stools, she got her food, I got mine. We talked about things like my sister and the incident her and I had this morning. I took her purse and other stuff to the train station because I'm such a nice guy and she forgot all of the stuff at home. We talked about how her brother is in the same boat with my sister when it comes to getting their licenses. Her brother finally takes his test tomorrow. Now we just need my sister to. We talked about cars and money. We talked about how we both feel such a need to help and shelter our brothers/sisters, how we do care, and how we don't get thanked enough for doing that.

We talked about what we want for Christmas. I told her I finished most of my Christmas shopping the other night. We also talked about our obsession with hair. I told her how I'm trying a new hairstyle everyday this week. I didn't do my hair Saturday through Monday. Tuesday I just towel dried it. Today I just ran my fingers through it. I love short hair. She said my hair is very sexy.

Finally I showed Gonzo pics in my phone of the new coworker I don't like and her fiance. Both look like men. It is quite scary. Gonzo then asked to see pics of The Guy because she thinks he is a really hot guy. I said yes. Then she asked how my "date" went the other night with him. I just told her we went out, had Mexican food, talked, stuff like that. That's what The Guy and I did Friday night. Gonzo asked if I liked it and I said yes. She asked a couple times since I had a hard time admitting it to her on the phone the other night and that was simply because I was determined to not say I'm bi over the phone.

So this went on and she asked me about a girl from high school who used to be all over me. It was not my exes. It was just one of those random girls all over any guy who breathed. Anyways, she asked if I ever had feelings for her. I said she was hot. I know a hot girl when I see one. She asked if I had ever thought of getting with a girl and doing stuff. I said it just seems so out of character for me to do that and stuff. She said you only live once, so you might try it.

Then she told me about Addison, her best friend who is gay and how he always goes to Gonzo and tells about his man and sex problems.

She told me that I should really go on more dates with guys to see if I really am bi. She said I should do it with a guy and a girl to see if I'm really bi or gay and if I like the experience. I wanted to pipe in and say I've done this ____ with a guy. Nope. I Chickened out.

Gonzo then asked if I would go out with The Guy. I said yes, I would. I explained the situation about how I'm not out. She said well, if he asks you, say yes. Haha. During all of this time I'm sitting leading her on and beating around the bush. I'm thinking how I don't have the guts to it and really wanted to text someone on the phone for encouragement. It would have been awkward to pick up my phone when she had her eyes glued on The Guy's photo going on about how sexy he is. So The Guy's photo is in the middle of the table staring up at me. I'm like ok... The Guy is here with me in spirit and his eyes are staring at me... he would just say it... so I'll just say it.

I had wanted to just tell her the whole story on how we met, how I've hid this part of my life from her and everyone else. I couldn't. I was laughing too much. I was going to go into the details (excluding the sex) for the past 6-8 months.

The laughing and giggling continue. My eyes were on anything but Gonzo when we were talking. Most people who know me will not deny I'm a good listener and will devote my full attention to you. I think Gonzo was thinking there was a problem. The truth is when I'm nervous I tend to laugh and giggle. Others may shut down, blow up, whatever, but I giggle and laugh. I can tell Gonzo was not sure what was going on because she was becoming nervous as she was playing with the tray cover on the tray. She asked if I had learned anything about sexuality in my human reproduction class. I said yes and told her what I learned like bisexuality is not just a phase and is entirely possible. I told her I've talked with The Guy about sexuality since she asked if I had discussed it with friends, I said I had. I said I have met some of his friends, stuff like that. Then I remember suddenly looking up at her and saying "and I guess I'm bi." Her eyes got big, she had a huge smile on her phase and she was intent on listening afterward. I didn't feel real awkward afterward, my heart didn't pound. I just giggled.

She just told me how great that is. She asked if I feel I could swing both ways and may settle on a gay identity later or straight. I said I like both. I can identify a hot girl and I have no problem telling. I like guys, but I have a hard time saying one is hot. She said she thinks I'm confused still, but it is good I am admitting it. She asked about The Guy, how long I've known him, how we met, how I feel for him, stuff like that. I'm sure you guys know the answers... haha.

She said she really wants to go to a gay club and it should just be her and I who goes. She said that Darla would never be able to go and going with our other coworkers would be weird. She wants to go and would only dance with me or other girls. She doesn't want to dance with other guys because she has a boyfriend. Plus her and I could pull off boyfriend/girlfriend very well... even though she is not the huggy/clingy type like me. I'd be all over her at the club... haha. Seriously... wouldn't let a guy lay a hand on her. She said she is allowed to stay out until 1:00a.m., I just need to come up with a gay club to go to, pick a day, and we'll go. I'm thinking Oasis in Upland or there is a little club who caters to gay guys in my city, but I don't think it is the gay club idea she has in mind. It is mainly more of the drag queen type based on what I've heard and seen on their website. Might not be bad for a first time.

The conversation fizzled from being gay quickly and went back to her brother getting his license possibly tomorrow. We talked about little other random things like work.

We want to hang out next week- either go clubbing or go to breakfast... or both!

At least I finally got the words out...