When a neighborhood event draws everyone outside - namely a car hitting the light pole in front of our house, we get to meet the neighbors.
The guy diagonal to us - he has 3 kids, whom he is very strict with. He's a police officer and his wife is a teacher. She's friendlier than him, and many neighbors have said that. He never waves when we see him.
Regardless, we all find ourselves outside. He asks me what was going on. I go over to tell him and introduce myself. He then says "how many of these guys live there?"
Was he referring to the fact that we're gay? These guys. He asked if there were 3 of us. These guys?
Maybe he just misspoke? Maybe he just doesn't have the way with words.
Showing posts with label Sexuality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sexuality. Show all posts
Saturday, January 23, 2016
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Togetherness - Finances
Over the past month or so I've been thinking a lot about money. I have several goals that I want to meet -
Things I already do
- Save 15% of my monthly check toward retirement
- Save toward an emergency fund
Things I need to do
- Build an emergency fund that is at least 6 months of salary set aside -- I've got about 4 months there
- Put money toward the house (patio)
I guess I'm easily swayed, or pressured. One thing that would be nice is to have a rental house, but do I need it? No. My parents keep saying I need to buy a house, but I have a house, I have a partner, and we are happy where we are at. I have been having the realization that I don't need to please anyone - my parents can talk, and tell me what I need to do, but that doesn't work for me right now. Right now my priority is the patio and doing what I need to do for us to live comfortably - or at least contribute my part -- and on our cruise this week this is something I plan to bring up to my mother and father. It is not going to be an easy conversation, but I feel that is really holding me back right now.
Things I already do
- Save 15% of my monthly check toward retirement
- Save toward an emergency fund
Things I need to do
- Build an emergency fund that is at least 6 months of salary set aside -- I've got about 4 months there
- Put money toward the house (patio)
I guess I'm easily swayed, or pressured. One thing that would be nice is to have a rental house, but do I need it? No. My parents keep saying I need to buy a house, but I have a house, I have a partner, and we are happy where we are at. I have been having the realization that I don't need to please anyone - my parents can talk, and tell me what I need to do, but that doesn't work for me right now. Right now my priority is the patio and doing what I need to do for us to live comfortably - or at least contribute my part -- and on our cruise this week this is something I plan to bring up to my mother and father. It is not going to be an easy conversation, but I feel that is really holding me back right now.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Sexuality Survey
1. How old were you when you knew you were gay?
Probably as early as 5-6, and I knew it was a fact in high school, but was too scared to act on it until I was 20.
2. Have you ever had sex with the opposite sex?
Nope, never
3. Who was the first person you came out to?
Gonzo
4. Are you out to your family?
Yes- immediate.
5. Do you want children?
No
6. Do you have more gay friends or straight friends?
I think I have more straight friends.
7. Were you out in school?
No... can't even imagine being for how some of the kids were made fun of in my high school
8. Is your best friend the same sex as you?
Yes
9. If your best friend is the same sex, have you ever had sex with them?
Nope.
10. Have you ever done crystal meth?
Nope
11. Have you ever been in a sling?
No, but willing to try
12. Have you ever done a 3-way?
Yes... it's been a while!
13. Have you ever dressed in drag?
Nope
14. Would you date a drag queen?
Not a chance
15. Are you ‘fixed in your ways’ as it were?
Yes and no
16. Cher or Bette?
Cher
17. Have you dated someone of a different ethnicity?
No
18. Been to Fire Island? Saugatuck? Key West? Ft. Lauderdale? Palm Springs?
Palm Springs
19. How many Madonna CDs do you own?
0 - I do have Material Girl on my iPod
20. Name of your first love?
The Guy
21. Do you still talk to them?
Yes
22. Does size matter?
To a certain extent, yes... it is also how you use what you have
23. Biggest turn on?
Face
24. Biggest turn off?
Arrogance
25. Ever been harassed due to your orientation?
A little
26. Worst gay stereotype that applies to you?
My voice
27. Ever been to a pride rally?
Yes
28. Would you marry if you could?
Whoa... that may be moving a bit too fast, though I do love him
29. Would you rather be rich and smart or young and beautiful?
Rich and smart
30. Do you sculpt your eyebrows?
Yes
31. Do you trim your body hair?
Yes
32. Ever had sex with more than one person in a day?
Yes
33. Ever been to an orgy?
4 guys
34. Which character in “The Women” best reflects you?
?
35. Favorite gay expression ?
Puhlease
36. How may ‘ex’ do you have?
Male and Female - 2
37. Do you believe in fairies?
No.
38. Do you have any tattoos?
No, and have no want for one; they're permanent
39. Do you have any piercings?
No... nipples or ears... one day
40. Would you date a smoker?
As long as they smoked in moderation/weren't a chainer
41. If you are male, do you know many lesbians?
Yes, as of late, I do
42. Do you know anyone who has died from HIV?
No
43. Are you part of a gay organization?
Nope
44. Is your gym cruisy?
No
45. Grindr or Scruff?
Grindr
46. Are your best years behind or in front of you?
Ahead
47. Got Porn?
Many pics and vids
48. Make out music?
I have a whole playlist devoted to sexy songs that are perfect for this. Unfortunately when I'm making out there is never music playing, but if there were it would probably be one of these songs. One song that comes to my head is "It's Your Love" by Tim and Faith... that's like song sex. Lady A's "Need You Now," Garth's "The Dance," "Someone Like You" by Adele, "Always Be My Baby," by Mariah Carey, or Benny Mardones' "Into The Night"
49. Ever been in love with a straight guy?
I have had a few crushes, but never love
50. Did you ever have sex with him?
No.
51. Have you ever been to a nude beach?
No... one day
52. Have you ever been to a bath house?
No... can't say I haven't been tempted to go
53. Ever had sex in public?
In a car
54. What gay gene did you miss out?
The ability to match clothing
Probably as early as 5-6, and I knew it was a fact in high school, but was too scared to act on it until I was 20.
2. Have you ever had sex with the opposite sex?
Nope, never
3. Who was the first person you came out to?
Gonzo
4. Are you out to your family?
Yes- immediate.
5. Do you want children?
No
6. Do you have more gay friends or straight friends?
I think I have more straight friends.
7. Were you out in school?
No... can't even imagine being for how some of the kids were made fun of in my high school
8. Is your best friend the same sex as you?
Yes
9. If your best friend is the same sex, have you ever had sex with them?
Nope.
10. Have you ever done crystal meth?
Nope
11. Have you ever been in a sling?
No, but willing to try
12. Have you ever done a 3-way?
Yes... it's been a while!
13. Have you ever dressed in drag?
Nope
14. Would you date a drag queen?
Not a chance
15. Are you ‘fixed in your ways’ as it were?
Yes and no
16. Cher or Bette?
Cher
17. Have you dated someone of a different ethnicity?
No
18. Been to Fire Island? Saugatuck? Key West? Ft. Lauderdale? Palm Springs?
Palm Springs
19. How many Madonna CDs do you own?
0 - I do have Material Girl on my iPod
20. Name of your first love?
The Guy
21. Do you still talk to them?
Yes
22. Does size matter?
To a certain extent, yes... it is also how you use what you have
23. Biggest turn on?
Face
24. Biggest turn off?
Arrogance
25. Ever been harassed due to your orientation?
A little
26. Worst gay stereotype that applies to you?
My voice
27. Ever been to a pride rally?
Yes
28. Would you marry if you could?
Whoa... that may be moving a bit too fast, though I do love him
29. Would you rather be rich and smart or young and beautiful?
Rich and smart
30. Do you sculpt your eyebrows?
Yes
31. Do you trim your body hair?
Yes
32. Ever had sex with more than one person in a day?
Yes
33. Ever been to an orgy?
4 guys
34. Which character in “The Women” best reflects you?
?
35. Favorite gay expression ?
Puhlease
36. How may ‘ex’ do you have?
Male and Female - 2
37. Do you believe in fairies?
No.
38. Do you have any tattoos?
No, and have no want for one; they're permanent
39. Do you have any piercings?
No... nipples or ears... one day
40. Would you date a smoker?
As long as they smoked in moderation/weren't a chainer
41. If you are male, do you know many lesbians?
Yes, as of late, I do
42. Do you know anyone who has died from HIV?
No
43. Are you part of a gay organization?
Nope
44. Is your gym cruisy?
No
45. Grindr or Scruff?
Grindr
46. Are your best years behind or in front of you?
Ahead
47. Got Porn?
Many pics and vids
48. Make out music?
I have a whole playlist devoted to sexy songs that are perfect for this. Unfortunately when I'm making out there is never music playing, but if there were it would probably be one of these songs. One song that comes to my head is "It's Your Love" by Tim and Faith... that's like song sex. Lady A's "Need You Now," Garth's "The Dance," "Someone Like You" by Adele, "Always Be My Baby," by Mariah Carey, or Benny Mardones' "Into The Night"
49. Ever been in love with a straight guy?
I have had a few crushes, but never love
50. Did you ever have sex with him?
No.
51. Have you ever been to a nude beach?
No... one day
52. Have you ever been to a bath house?
No... can't say I haven't been tempted to go
53. Ever had sex in public?
In a car
54. What gay gene did you miss out?
The ability to match clothing
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
An unlikely ally
Linda had a dentist appointment today at my dentist- because she has to go to the dentist her best friend - my mom goes to. She wanted to do lunch with my mom afterward. My mom informed us the entire family was going. We went to Panera, which Linda had never been to. While there my sister talked and talked and talked and talked some more. She talked about New York, her trip to Chicago, and her colleague who was a transexual and her girlfriend. My sister said she went to a bar that was LGBT friendly. Naive Linda had never heard of that and asked what it was. My sister explained and Linda was shocked to learn that these people needed an acronym or even a gay friendly bar since this kind of violence doesn't go on. My sister stopped her and said that it does even in California. Linda said she couldn't believe that, it was a disgrace, people's inside lives/sexuality shouldn't matter. These people are the ones who are being discriminated against by other people and she doesn't understand what goes on in the bedroom should not matter. She said it much more eloquently, but I got the gist.
This surprised me. This is Linda. Linda is a devout Catholic. Linda is at church 2-3 times a week. Linda was the one who didn't know what an STD was. Linda is the one who needs a lot of sexual references/innuendos explained to her.
I know i was uncomfortable as I sat there with this conversation and played with the order number pole while she said this.
She knows about me I'm sure. Hopefully this helped open my mom's ears.
This surprised me. This is Linda. Linda is a devout Catholic. Linda is at church 2-3 times a week. Linda was the one who didn't know what an STD was. Linda is the one who needs a lot of sexual references/innuendos explained to her.
I know i was uncomfortable as I sat there with this conversation and played with the order number pole while she said this.
She knows about me I'm sure. Hopefully this helped open my mom's ears.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Waking up and saying I love you
Mike had told me yesterday to call him when I was done with my appointment and we would do dinner.
Doing dinner meant we were thinking about the seafood place we like in Palm Desert, but we took a detour. I got to his place and we headed out shortly after. We cruise down the 10 and he said he wondered if Morongo, the big 30 story Indian Casino had a Happy Hour. I try to google it and view their website on my phone and iPad simultaneously only to find they may. We do a u-turn, head back to the casino, then up the 30 or so stories to the top where the bar/restaurant is. The bar/restaurant had a disappointing view in all honesty as it was blocked by the tall booths. Why have a skyview restaurant with no view? The bar was dead. We were 2 of 4 people there during happy hour- happy hour was only drinks 50% off. They were VERY reasonable, but only drinks were half off, and appetizers were $15-20. We were disappointed.
We said we should probably do the buffet we saw when we came in. He is anti-buffet, but we decided to try it. The buffet is $10 off if you sign up for a club card, so we did. We get plates, then find food. He does the stir fry. I do the mussels, mushroom risotto, and a few pasta dishes since it was pasta night. It was only $1.03 for the buffet after the $10 credit. The cookies at the dessert bar were AMAZING. He educates me at dinner about players cards and their importance, and why didn't I have one since I had been there before. I asked why we never got them in Vegas when we played. He smiled. No response. At dinner we talk about family and the Pala buffet I went with my cousin and family to a few weeks back. He asked if I was ever in a serious relationship and I tell him, then he said he has no problem meeting my family and we could plan a dinner. He asked if I am at that comfort level and I was shocked for a moment- and I said I would have no qualms about introducing him to my family. He said anytime I'm ready we will plan a dinner. I will probably wait until things die down with the school and family drama my mom is facing... or maybe now this is a good time with so much on her plate she won't have time to think/process it... LOL. He asked where my mom was and I said she was probably in denial- she knows what is going on and that I have a boyfriend - and every conversation we have had lately about my trips have started "as long as you are happy" type deal.
We stop at the Tumi store at the outlets and don't find anything. I NEED A TUMI ORANGE LAPTOP BAG that I can replace my Fossil bag with. They didn't have any of the orange ones anymore. Boo. I want the bag that can be opened to show the laptop too, which was so cool.
Back to Mike's place. We enjoy each other and tickle each other occasionally. We get back to his place and watch Top Chef or something and So You Think You Can Dance. I develop a headache and go to the car to get massive pills to remedy that. All good. I sort of almost doze, but manage to stay awake. We head to bed about 10:30-11. I sat my alarm for 7 because I got called to sub on the last day of school.
My alarm sounds at 7, as does his. We open our eyes, kiss, then I get up. I shower and dress. I grab my wallet, phone, and walk over to the bed to kiss him. He says he loves me as he kisses me, and I walk out. I lock the door and head to work.
Subbed 3rd grade for a teacher who was at her son's graduation from 8th grade. Easy day. Nice little kids. No more work this summer :-(. Boo to no summer pay and having a boyfriend.
Oh, and I wanted to say that our discussion about education the night prior ended rather calmly- he basically told me he is there to support me, be a part of the solution, not the problem.
Doing dinner meant we were thinking about the seafood place we like in Palm Desert, but we took a detour. I got to his place and we headed out shortly after. We cruise down the 10 and he said he wondered if Morongo, the big 30 story Indian Casino had a Happy Hour. I try to google it and view their website on my phone and iPad simultaneously only to find they may. We do a u-turn, head back to the casino, then up the 30 or so stories to the top where the bar/restaurant is. The bar/restaurant had a disappointing view in all honesty as it was blocked by the tall booths. Why have a skyview restaurant with no view? The bar was dead. We were 2 of 4 people there during happy hour- happy hour was only drinks 50% off. They were VERY reasonable, but only drinks were half off, and appetizers were $15-20. We were disappointed.
We said we should probably do the buffet we saw when we came in. He is anti-buffet, but we decided to try it. The buffet is $10 off if you sign up for a club card, so we did. We get plates, then find food. He does the stir fry. I do the mussels, mushroom risotto, and a few pasta dishes since it was pasta night. It was only $1.03 for the buffet after the $10 credit. The cookies at the dessert bar were AMAZING. He educates me at dinner about players cards and their importance, and why didn't I have one since I had been there before. I asked why we never got them in Vegas when we played. He smiled. No response. At dinner we talk about family and the Pala buffet I went with my cousin and family to a few weeks back. He asked if I was ever in a serious relationship and I tell him, then he said he has no problem meeting my family and we could plan a dinner. He asked if I am at that comfort level and I was shocked for a moment- and I said I would have no qualms about introducing him to my family. He said anytime I'm ready we will plan a dinner. I will probably wait until things die down with the school and family drama my mom is facing... or maybe now this is a good time with so much on her plate she won't have time to think/process it... LOL. He asked where my mom was and I said she was probably in denial- she knows what is going on and that I have a boyfriend - and every conversation we have had lately about my trips have started "as long as you are happy" type deal.
We stop at the Tumi store at the outlets and don't find anything. I NEED A TUMI ORANGE LAPTOP BAG that I can replace my Fossil bag with. They didn't have any of the orange ones anymore. Boo. I want the bag that can be opened to show the laptop too, which was so cool.
Back to Mike's place. We enjoy each other and tickle each other occasionally. We get back to his place and watch Top Chef or something and So You Think You Can Dance. I develop a headache and go to the car to get massive pills to remedy that. All good. I sort of almost doze, but manage to stay awake. We head to bed about 10:30-11. I sat my alarm for 7 because I got called to sub on the last day of school.
My alarm sounds at 7, as does his. We open our eyes, kiss, then I get up. I shower and dress. I grab my wallet, phone, and walk over to the bed to kiss him. He says he loves me as he kisses me, and I walk out. I lock the door and head to work.
Subbed 3rd grade for a teacher who was at her son's graduation from 8th grade. Easy day. Nice little kids. No more work this summer :-(. Boo to no summer pay and having a boyfriend.
Oh, and I wanted to say that our discussion about education the night prior ended rather calmly- he basically told me he is there to support me, be a part of the solution, not the problem.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
WOW... if they had this during my college days... hahaha
What are your thoughts on this? (Taken from Huffington Post)
UChicago Hookups Expands: Casual Sex Site Now Welcoming Other Schools
First Posted: 03/28/11 04:16 PM ET Updated: 03/28/11 04:16 PM ET
According to the site, which is now called EduHookups.com, the media attention to UChicagoHookups piqued the interest of other colleges. So, the URL was changed and the site now welcomes Northwestern University and Columbia College Chicago students to the "no strings attached" social network. The site will also be open to Brown University students starting April 4.
The original site for University of Chicago students.
The site is similar to the "Casual Encounters" section of Craigslist, but users must have an "edu" email address to register. The updated site allows users to post and browse listings for casual encounters, serious relationships and platonic friendships.
The site's creator said they saw a boost in traffic following news coverage of UChicagoHookups last week. More than 300 people have registered, and more than 1,300 private messages have been sent since.
The new EduHookups.com.
While some say the site is in poor taste, others support its mission.
"This is a necessary step to allow people to feel free to hook up on their own time and unwind," Jon Clindaniel, a junior U of C archaeology major told CBS.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm kind of speechless about this... this just seems so crazy. All I can think is that maybe some kids who are more quiet/shy/curious about sex may be more apt to try things sexually, which could be a bad thing. Are kids going to use protection?
If you are required to have a .edu account is your information in some way going to be leaked?
UChicago Hookups Expands: Casual Sex Site Now Welcoming Other Schools
First Posted: 03/28/11 04:16 PM ET Updated: 03/28/11 04:16 PM ET
According to the site, which is now called EduHookups.com, the media attention to UChicagoHookups piqued the interest of other colleges. So, the URL was changed and the site now welcomes Northwestern University and Columbia College Chicago students to the "no strings attached" social network. The site will also be open to Brown University students starting April 4.
The original site for University of Chicago students.
The site is similar to the "Casual Encounters" section of Craigslist, but users must have an "edu" email address to register. The updated site allows users to post and browse listings for casual encounters, serious relationships and platonic friendships.
The site's creator said they saw a boost in traffic following news coverage of UChicagoHookups last week. More than 300 people have registered, and more than 1,300 private messages have been sent since.
The new EduHookups.com.
While some say the site is in poor taste, others support its mission.
"This is a necessary step to allow people to feel free to hook up on their own time and unwind," Jon Clindaniel, a junior U of C archaeology major told CBS.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm kind of speechless about this... this just seems so crazy. All I can think is that maybe some kids who are more quiet/shy/curious about sex may be more apt to try things sexually, which could be a bad thing. Are kids going to use protection?
If you are required to have a .edu account is your information in some way going to be leaked?
Monday, October 25, 2010
Oops
I have a tendency to send my sister youtube vids of whatever I find amusing at the moment via AIM. One of the things I meant to send was 1 of these 3 videos. Instead I wasn't paying attention and figured the video I tried to copy posted. It didn't. Instead I sent my sister text from a guy's adam4adam account. UH OH. Who knows what she'll say to my mom in the morning... or dad... I tried playing it off as spam and a bunch of my friends were getting that message. She replied "errr pass." I told her I went in and fixed my AIM account so we shouldn't have any issues since I changed the password. She laughed it off...
Here's what I meant to send her...
Yeah, I'm on a mad, angry, country kick.
Here's what I meant to send her...
Yeah, I'm on a mad, angry, country kick.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Sexuality blog to check out
Here's a relatively new blog I've been reading that you should check out. There's some nudity, so it is probably not best if you are surfing at work. With that warning, check out The Closet Professor. He's a smart guy, hence the name Closet Professor, who posts about sexuality in art, history, and coming out. I am intrigued by a lot of the stuff I have read since it deals with history, sexuality, and other topics of interest to me.
Friday, May 14, 2010
The acquaintance passed on
I blogged a few posts back about the acquaintance that started the whole outing thing to my mom. Let me give some backstory now. This man was in good health until January. He was diagnosed with cancer of the lymph nodes mid-January. He continued tormenting and hurting people, including myself. The issue started long before my mom knew at the beginning of February when he first made his comments to my mom's good friend. The friend of my mom's kept it a secret for a month or so until they were able to talk. Once I found out I was doing damage control seeing what I could do, and was very successful at making sure this guy was put in his place for outing me.
This guy began undergoing chemo at the end of February. Every update that I got from friends and other people said that he was doing well. Last weekend, last Saturday, he was put into a medically induced coma. I found out Wednesday evening after I made my post that he was experiencing a traumatic coma as it was described to me where he basically was not in a resting state like he should have been. My friend described it to me that he "looked like he was being punished by God," and that was somewhat the words I needed to hear at the moment. News came about 11:40, 20 minutes after the man died this morning.
I was surprised since it was so sudden, and all of this has happened so quickly. I can't help but say it I don't feel too bad about it. While death is not a good thing, and I certainly didn't wish it on him. I'm neutral. This man hurt so many friends, as well as family members. I feel relieved that he can no longer hurt other people.
This guy began undergoing chemo at the end of February. Every update that I got from friends and other people said that he was doing well. Last weekend, last Saturday, he was put into a medically induced coma. I found out Wednesday evening after I made my post that he was experiencing a traumatic coma as it was described to me where he basically was not in a resting state like he should have been. My friend described it to me that he "looked like he was being punished by God," and that was somewhat the words I needed to hear at the moment. News came about 11:40, 20 minutes after the man died this morning.
I was surprised since it was so sudden, and all of this has happened so quickly. I can't help but say it I don't feel too bad about it. While death is not a good thing, and I certainly didn't wish it on him. I'm neutral. This man hurt so many friends, as well as family members. I feel relieved that he can no longer hurt other people.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Coddling phase?
My mom seems to be in a coddling/controlling phase with my whole coming out. Lately, she has been more or less normal, and things seem to be normal between us. Talk about work, school, all normal. All of this comes with an added element. She seems to feel the need to be controlling like she was a few years back when she'd pick up on how Linda was so controlling with her son. My mom grew out of that phase after I put her back into her place and began being very nondescript about where I was going, what I was doing, etc.
Now let me go into my mom and my relationship real quick- I'm pretty open with her. I might not say I'm going to a gay club, but I'll say I'm going to a restaurant near one. I do keep her in the dark somewhat, but I think it is pretty understandable. If I'm going to BJs with friends, I'll say that. I do it because it gives her peace of mind and covers my bases if I were in an accident or something so I'd have less explaining/lying to do.
Well, in the past 2 weeks or so, my mom has found the need to be more prying. Wednesday night when I got home from school I told her and my dad about my class- I usually do. I whined about how pointless SDAIE, CELDT, Woodcock Johnson, and other terms are. Google them if you care to know. After I was done telling her about that, she started in, "did you go anywhere before class with anyone?" Um. No. But thanks for asking?
This past week I have been getting home from work pretty early if I've had a job, and my mom has found the need to play 20 questions and ask, "where did you go after school?" "What time did you get up?" "Did you see anyone special today?" "Did you go anywhere else today?" My responses are full of snide remarks. I did say something along the line of "why was today any different than usual- you weren't concerned 2 weeks ago." I don't know if that's the best response, but I am annoyed. Usually I just tell her about my day- went to work, kids were good, kids were bad, yadda yadda yadda.
Last night my mom went to dinner with Linda, which they do every Thursday. When my mom got home she updated us on Linda's life. After catching all of the story from my mom I headed in my room and was doing something on the computer. She came in to hug me, tell me how much she missed me, how I never spend anytime with her anymore, how I'm hiding so much from her. I was more annoyed than anything- this was just weird. She may say she missed us (my dad, sister, and I) because we weren't with her when she was with Linda, but not the whole hug and diatribe about how she misses me was out of the ordinary.
I went to my cousin's birthday party tonight with her close friends. It was at a Mexican restaurant about 30 minutes from our house that we had never been to. I get in about 11:05 and go straight to my room since the lights in the kitchen and living room were off. My mom comes into my room, tells me how she missed me so much since she hadn't seen me in 24 hours. My mom asked me how the food was, what I ate, what everyone else ate, and would I go back. Normal questions for when I go to a new place, no big deal. It did become a big deal when my mom began playing a game of 20 questions it seemed. So here are the questions and my response in parenthesis. Did you just go to eat and play laser tag? (Yes). Does your cousin have any cute pet names for her boyfriend? (Dan). Did you talk with everyone at the party? (Obviously). What time did you leave the party? (When everyone else did.)
Right now I'm just playing it off being very vague, snide, and distant. I hate to do it because I know it hurts her, but I don't like how she has become more controlling.
Now let me go into my mom and my relationship real quick- I'm pretty open with her. I might not say I'm going to a gay club, but I'll say I'm going to a restaurant near one. I do keep her in the dark somewhat, but I think it is pretty understandable. If I'm going to BJs with friends, I'll say that. I do it because it gives her peace of mind and covers my bases if I were in an accident or something so I'd have less explaining/lying to do.
Well, in the past 2 weeks or so, my mom has found the need to be more prying. Wednesday night when I got home from school I told her and my dad about my class- I usually do. I whined about how pointless SDAIE, CELDT, Woodcock Johnson, and other terms are. Google them if you care to know. After I was done telling her about that, she started in, "did you go anywhere before class with anyone?" Um. No. But thanks for asking?
This past week I have been getting home from work pretty early if I've had a job, and my mom has found the need to play 20 questions and ask, "where did you go after school?" "What time did you get up?" "Did you see anyone special today?" "Did you go anywhere else today?" My responses are full of snide remarks. I did say something along the line of "why was today any different than usual- you weren't concerned 2 weeks ago." I don't know if that's the best response, but I am annoyed. Usually I just tell her about my day- went to work, kids were good, kids were bad, yadda yadda yadda.
Last night my mom went to dinner with Linda, which they do every Thursday. When my mom got home she updated us on Linda's life. After catching all of the story from my mom I headed in my room and was doing something on the computer. She came in to hug me, tell me how much she missed me, how I never spend anytime with her anymore, how I'm hiding so much from her. I was more annoyed than anything- this was just weird. She may say she missed us (my dad, sister, and I) because we weren't with her when she was with Linda, but not the whole hug and diatribe about how she misses me was out of the ordinary.
I went to my cousin's birthday party tonight with her close friends. It was at a Mexican restaurant about 30 minutes from our house that we had never been to. I get in about 11:05 and go straight to my room since the lights in the kitchen and living room were off. My mom comes into my room, tells me how she missed me so much since she hadn't seen me in 24 hours. My mom asked me how the food was, what I ate, what everyone else ate, and would I go back. Normal questions for when I go to a new place, no big deal. It did become a big deal when my mom began playing a game of 20 questions it seemed. So here are the questions and my response in parenthesis. Did you just go to eat and play laser tag? (Yes). Does your cousin have any cute pet names for her boyfriend? (Dan). Did you talk with everyone at the party? (Obviously). What time did you leave the party? (When everyone else did.)
Right now I'm just playing it off being very vague, snide, and distant. I hate to do it because I know it hurts her, but I don't like how she has become more controlling.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Doing better
I had a difficult day yesterday.
The Guy is of course in love with his new boy and had no time to talk. I really just needed someone to talk to, and I want to say thank you Bruce for chatting with me.
My mom was really distant yesterday, and again telling me how she can't deal with me, can't handle this, how it is so wrong. She was in a mood already after dealing with my aunt in Nor Cal, so she wasn't too pleasant when she got home. We had the news on, and they were doing the Ricky Martin story. Her response to the whole Ricky Martin coming out thing was "another one," and how he has kids, so that is so much more wrong and so much worse.
I came into contact with several who were talking about my coming out that were briefly mentioned in this post. I am so thankful that the people did call me back who were genuinely concerned about me. I did hear some people talking and saying things about my sexuality- not directly to my face, though. I just smiled and said hello when I saw them, nothing out of the ordinary.
Today things are more or less back to normal it seems with several of the people mentioned in the above paragraph. The people who were eyeing me yesterday and talking didn't for the mostpart. I did hear my sexuality come up once today, and I just replied "it effects you because?" A bit bold for me normally, but whatever.
Update: Coworkers Viv, Eddy, and Marci were hanging out this afternoon and invited me over. We got buzzed among other things, and had a fun time watching couples retreat. Eddy and I swapped stories. I told the group about the 55 year old the other night, and Eddy was busy lookimg at porn on the computer. They just laughed about the 55yo. Marci mentioned a couple of times that Eddy probably had a computer full of porn. So funny. Marci wanted to watch some of the porn, so I watched porn with Eddy and Marci. Crazy stuff. I was wondering if I was going to have a 4some with my coworkers- I would have drew the lines there- that would have been a big no-no in my book. Plus I would have had a hard time staying hard with 2 girls involved. Also looked for porn on the internet. We were looking for crazy search term stuff on some site Eddy knows for straight porn and we ended up watching a couple videos in his room together where 2 midgets were in a 3some.
Viv did show us some random youtube videos including these, which are great when you're buzzed:
The Guy is of course in love with his new boy and had no time to talk. I really just needed someone to talk to, and I want to say thank you Bruce for chatting with me.
My mom was really distant yesterday, and again telling me how she can't deal with me, can't handle this, how it is so wrong. She was in a mood already after dealing with my aunt in Nor Cal, so she wasn't too pleasant when she got home. We had the news on, and they were doing the Ricky Martin story. Her response to the whole Ricky Martin coming out thing was "another one," and how he has kids, so that is so much more wrong and so much worse.
I came into contact with several who were talking about my coming out that were briefly mentioned in this post. I am so thankful that the people did call me back who were genuinely concerned about me. I did hear some people talking and saying things about my sexuality- not directly to my face, though. I just smiled and said hello when I saw them, nothing out of the ordinary.
Today things are more or less back to normal it seems with several of the people mentioned in the above paragraph. The people who were eyeing me yesterday and talking didn't for the mostpart. I did hear my sexuality come up once today, and I just replied "it effects you because?" A bit bold for me normally, but whatever.
Update: Coworkers Viv, Eddy, and Marci were hanging out this afternoon and invited me over. We got buzzed among other things, and had a fun time watching couples retreat. Eddy and I swapped stories. I told the group about the 55 year old the other night, and Eddy was busy lookimg at porn on the computer. They just laughed about the 55yo. Marci mentioned a couple of times that Eddy probably had a computer full of porn. So funny. Marci wanted to watch some of the porn, so I watched porn with Eddy and Marci. Crazy stuff. I was wondering if I was going to have a 4some with my coworkers- I would have drew the lines there- that would have been a big no-no in my book. Plus I would have had a hard time staying hard with 2 girls involved. Also looked for porn on the internet. We were looking for crazy search term stuff on some site Eddy knows for straight porn and we ended up watching a couple videos in his room together where 2 midgets were in a 3some.
Viv did show us some random youtube videos including these, which are great when you're buzzed:
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Trying to heal the pain...
Perhaps not heal the pain in the best way possible, but I tried. Everyone was busy or not returning calls/texts today. I was very pissed off. Gonzo didn't reply to my calls or texts. Darla didn't. The Guy and I talked Friday night, which helped, but didn't bother him since he was probably busy with his new guy- they're official. Foot Fetish said he'd meet me for the hockey game I had tickets to, but bailed last minute. I didn't text Dennis since he was with his date most of the day. I did text Viv, and she replied. I texted my best friend in MS, and he replied, so some did care enough to reply when I needed them the most. I was (this close) really close to saying some not so nice things to Gonzo and Darla. Oh well. I didn't. I lived.
At home it seems to feel like a Stepford Wives situation where my mom is acting like everything is perfect, but it isn't deep down. It is all a facade. My mom acts like everything is perfect, or ignores me. It hurts. I want so badly to say something, but don't know what to say. I'm just going about acting normal. The silence however, coupled with the silence from friends drove me insane and I needed to get out. I pondered the hockey game alone, but then decided to go to the bar.
Again, I want to say thanks for all of your comments who left them on my previous posts. I've read them NUMEROUS times the past couple days and it means a lot to know that people care. And thanks for the random instant messages, emails, etc.
So tonight I went to a bar in a different city where I knew I wouldn't run into anyone i'd know and try to meet someone- temporary, but it seemed like a good thing at the time since I needed some excitement. I'd been wanting to check out this bar for a long time since it was predominantly latino, and I love me latino guys, especially latino gay guys. There were a lot of lesbians at the bar, though, latinas. I was thinking of Mind of Mine while doing this and his experience. I went in, sat down, ordered a Miller Lite, and sat down at the bar. I got a call from my friend Iman, so I stepped away from the bar. I didn't feel like sitting back at the bar, so I stood along a long wall in the bar where others were congregating. I did message James, and had a nice chat with him on my iPhone. I was all alone and other couples/groups were filing in. I felt really alone. I was getting discouraged. I decided to order up another beer and chatted with one of the waiters.As I finished my 2nd beer i had the guts to walk up to a guy who had been eyeing me all night.
He was dressed in a red small squared plaid shirt with a black velvet logo or something on the back, black jeans, and basketball shoes. He was pretty hot. He is kind of what I think of as one of the types of latino guys I like- he had the Michael Maloney from Extreme Makeover Home Edition look going on- except with a brownish copper hair, and probably 10 pounds more than Michael. He was hot. I walked up to him, we joked about ahving a hard time approaching each other, then he leaned in and kissed me. We introduced ourselves. He was Dave, and I was MIke. He asked my age, told me i wouldn't guess his. I guessed 30. I figured at most he was 40. He told me he was 55. I nearly shit myself. Ok... um... so yeah. He lives at home and takes care of his parents. He joked botox and stuff helped. Sure did. He is a former hairdresser. We chat, kiss, then decide to dance. We dance to some Lady Gaga "Just Dance," and "Poker Face." We grind on the dance floor and feel each other up. Then we take a break so we can get a drink, then chat some more. I reveal almost nothing to him. I question whether or not to end it with him that early, but I liked the attention, and hey, he was a good kisser, he was touching me in just the right places, and I needed the affection/attention. More kissing, and soon we are making out hands on each others back, feeling each other up, tongue, you name it. This continued and we were practically taking each other's shirts off. He licked my chest a couple times. We got loud "owwwwwww" and "wooooooooo hoooooooos" from patrons in the bar. When Dave went to the restroom other guys asked me wehre the guy who I was all over went and that maybe I should go to the bathroom with him. It was hilarious that these 2 latino, big, gang member looking guys said this. I was amused. Anyways, Dave and I chatted, he told me how kissing was sometimes better than sex, and this was one of those cases. I agreed. More making out. Finally, about 1a.m. I ended it because I was tired, getting groggy, and a headache. We bumped and grinded once more, and made out.
I got out to my car and rinsed my mouth out- am i weird? i tend to do that after I make out- like I don't need your slobber leftover in my mouth... haha.
Got home about 1:45 and now it is off to bed for me at 2:15a.m.
So um... I guess the night was alright. I'm still having a difficult time, though.
At home it seems to feel like a Stepford Wives situation where my mom is acting like everything is perfect, but it isn't deep down. It is all a facade. My mom acts like everything is perfect, or ignores me. It hurts. I want so badly to say something, but don't know what to say. I'm just going about acting normal. The silence however, coupled with the silence from friends drove me insane and I needed to get out. I pondered the hockey game alone, but then decided to go to the bar.
Again, I want to say thanks for all of your comments who left them on my previous posts. I've read them NUMEROUS times the past couple days and it means a lot to know that people care. And thanks for the random instant messages, emails, etc.
So tonight I went to a bar in a different city where I knew I wouldn't run into anyone i'd know and try to meet someone- temporary, but it seemed like a good thing at the time since I needed some excitement. I'd been wanting to check out this bar for a long time since it was predominantly latino, and I love me latino guys, especially latino gay guys. There were a lot of lesbians at the bar, though, latinas. I was thinking of Mind of Mine while doing this and his experience. I went in, sat down, ordered a Miller Lite, and sat down at the bar. I got a call from my friend Iman, so I stepped away from the bar. I didn't feel like sitting back at the bar, so I stood along a long wall in the bar where others were congregating. I did message James, and had a nice chat with him on my iPhone. I was all alone and other couples/groups were filing in. I felt really alone. I was getting discouraged. I decided to order up another beer and chatted with one of the waiters.As I finished my 2nd beer i had the guts to walk up to a guy who had been eyeing me all night.
He was dressed in a red small squared plaid shirt with a black velvet logo or something on the back, black jeans, and basketball shoes. He was pretty hot. He is kind of what I think of as one of the types of latino guys I like- he had the Michael Maloney from Extreme Makeover Home Edition look going on- except with a brownish copper hair, and probably 10 pounds more than Michael. He was hot. I walked up to him, we joked about ahving a hard time approaching each other, then he leaned in and kissed me. We introduced ourselves. He was Dave, and I was MIke. He asked my age, told me i wouldn't guess his. I guessed 30. I figured at most he was 40. He told me he was 55. I nearly shit myself. Ok... um... so yeah. He lives at home and takes care of his parents. He joked botox and stuff helped. Sure did. He is a former hairdresser. We chat, kiss, then decide to dance. We dance to some Lady Gaga "Just Dance," and "Poker Face." We grind on the dance floor and feel each other up. Then we take a break so we can get a drink, then chat some more. I reveal almost nothing to him. I question whether or not to end it with him that early, but I liked the attention, and hey, he was a good kisser, he was touching me in just the right places, and I needed the affection/attention. More kissing, and soon we are making out hands on each others back, feeling each other up, tongue, you name it. This continued and we were practically taking each other's shirts off. He licked my chest a couple times. We got loud "owwwwwww" and "wooooooooo hoooooooos" from patrons in the bar. When Dave went to the restroom other guys asked me wehre the guy who I was all over went and that maybe I should go to the bathroom with him. It was hilarious that these 2 latino, big, gang member looking guys said this. I was amused. Anyways, Dave and I chatted, he told me how kissing was sometimes better than sex, and this was one of those cases. I agreed. More making out. Finally, about 1a.m. I ended it because I was tired, getting groggy, and a headache. We bumped and grinded once more, and made out.
I got out to my car and rinsed my mouth out- am i weird? i tend to do that after I make out- like I don't need your slobber leftover in my mouth... haha.
Got home about 1:45 and now it is off to bed for me at 2:15a.m.
So um... I guess the night was alright. I'm still having a difficult time, though.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Disillusioned
I guess that's the best word for the past 24 hours. I am disappointed, bothered, hurt, not really surprised, but saddened that my mom has taken it this way. Again she seems to be taking the approach nothing is wrong. It is almost uncomfortable because this seems abnormally perfect. I am not sure what is going to happen. Going to be a long weekend- tried to make plans with friends, and most are busy. Not looking forward to it.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Denial... Deep denial at that... I did say I'm gay
I really don't know what to say about my mom. Over the past couple days I've been very bold.
Last Saturday when I was going to WEHO I told my parents I was going to go to the Grammy Museum and dinner. I said I'd probably be back after midnight- that's a pretty standard response. I give my parents an idea of where I'm going, and when I'll be back usually, and they're cool with it. My dad must have been looking around to cause trouble and he said something along the lines of "anything else?" I said there was. I said I was going to a club. My mom asked "a gay club," to which I replied "yes." She asked no more questions. NOW HOW MUCH BOLDER COULD I HAVE BEEN? It was not easy to tell my mom that! The next morning my dad asked me if I was hungover, and that was the only discussion about the clubbing issue the night before.
Then there was the car incident the other day.
Then this morning I was still storming around frustrated about it. I decided I was going to make it clear to my mom I was still upset by the comment in the car. I laid in my room until about 8:30 this morning with the door closed watching TV and reading some blogs. My mom knocked on my door to tell me she was leaving to go to the dentist. I ignored her. She continued to knock, then opened the door and asked if I was ok. I tended to act, which I do when I'm bothered, and I already had the cover over my head, curled up in a ball, acting like I couldn't hear her. She came over, sat down on my bed and asked what's going on. She really didn't give me a chance to say anything before she said that she knows I've been having a difficult time lately with school, friends, and work, and she wants to be here for me. She said sometimes it is just so hard when I tell my dad things I won't tell her. She said that I only tell her something after I've done it. I just sort of hid under my cover. She continued asking what was going on and how I know I can talk to her. I ignored her and broke down in tears. She asked what was going on and I said "I'm gay." I felt so bold when I said it, especially because I haven't been able to say it to anyone yet because the words just get choked up inside. Without skipping a beat she told me that I was not, I was just going through a rough time. I told her that still, I said the words, I'm identifying with liking guys, I have identified with a sexual identity, and it cannot be changed. I said that identifying with a sexual identity is where kids struggle the most because people try to tell them that they are not, therefore are not accepted, and struggle. I had so much more I wanted to say, but kept my mouth shut on this issue. UGH. This is not how I wanted it to go. Of course there were a lot of things I could have said like "I'm still the same person," etc. etc., but I didn't.
She sat on my bed rubbing my back and telling me she'll be here for me when I change my mind and I just lay curled in a ball under my covers. I got up once she left and was out waxing my car when she got home. No discussion of it since then and everything seems perfectly normal. She got out of the car and played with the dogs, told me they looked like they were guarding my car while I was waxing it. Once I was done I came in and she talked about cooking ravioli and shrimp for dinner. She's on the computer in the dining room now, I'm in my bedroom putting this post up, and about to head outside to do some yardwork. WTF? I'm so confused, frustrated, and hurt.
Maybe my mom just doesn't know how to handle it and she thinks by saying what she is it'll help?
Last Saturday when I was going to WEHO I told my parents I was going to go to the Grammy Museum and dinner. I said I'd probably be back after midnight- that's a pretty standard response. I give my parents an idea of where I'm going, and when I'll be back usually, and they're cool with it. My dad must have been looking around to cause trouble and he said something along the lines of "anything else?" I said there was. I said I was going to a club. My mom asked "a gay club," to which I replied "yes." She asked no more questions. NOW HOW MUCH BOLDER COULD I HAVE BEEN? It was not easy to tell my mom that! The next morning my dad asked me if I was hungover, and that was the only discussion about the clubbing issue the night before.
Then there was the car incident the other day.
Then this morning I was still storming around frustrated about it. I decided I was going to make it clear to my mom I was still upset by the comment in the car. I laid in my room until about 8:30 this morning with the door closed watching TV and reading some blogs. My mom knocked on my door to tell me she was leaving to go to the dentist. I ignored her. She continued to knock, then opened the door and asked if I was ok. I tended to act, which I do when I'm bothered, and I already had the cover over my head, curled up in a ball, acting like I couldn't hear her. She came over, sat down on my bed and asked what's going on. She really didn't give me a chance to say anything before she said that she knows I've been having a difficult time lately with school, friends, and work, and she wants to be here for me. She said sometimes it is just so hard when I tell my dad things I won't tell her. She said that I only tell her something after I've done it. I just sort of hid under my cover. She continued asking what was going on and how I know I can talk to her. I ignored her and broke down in tears. She asked what was going on and I said "I'm gay." I felt so bold when I said it, especially because I haven't been able to say it to anyone yet because the words just get choked up inside. Without skipping a beat she told me that I was not, I was just going through a rough time. I told her that still, I said the words, I'm identifying with liking guys, I have identified with a sexual identity, and it cannot be changed. I said that identifying with a sexual identity is where kids struggle the most because people try to tell them that they are not, therefore are not accepted, and struggle. I had so much more I wanted to say, but kept my mouth shut on this issue. UGH. This is not how I wanted it to go. Of course there were a lot of things I could have said like "I'm still the same person," etc. etc., but I didn't.
She sat on my bed rubbing my back and telling me she'll be here for me when I change my mind and I just lay curled in a ball under my covers. I got up once she left and was out waxing my car when she got home. No discussion of it since then and everything seems perfectly normal. She got out of the car and played with the dogs, told me they looked like they were guarding my car while I was waxing it. Once I was done I came in and she talked about cooking ravioli and shrimp for dinner. She's on the computer in the dining room now, I'm in my bedroom putting this post up, and about to head outside to do some yardwork. WTF? I'm so confused, frustrated, and hurt.
Maybe my mom just doesn't know how to handle it and she thinks by saying what she is it'll help?
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Something my mom said...
While we were in the car coming home from Universal Studios with Linda and her son, my mom said something that left me furious. I was sweating and wanting so badly to correct her, but held my tongue.
Linda's son was in the backseat with Linda. I was doing the driving and my mom was seating next to me in the front seat.
My mom and Linda were talking about various friends they both have in common. One woman came up in the conversation, and here's what my mom said that made me cringe:
"I still can't believe Christina is a lesbian. This woman should not be where she is based on the lifestyle that she has chosen. She is in a position that she can play with and influence other peoples minds. It is just wrong."
The conversation went on, and just made my blood boil even more, I was sweating, and wanted to cry, but bit my tongue.
At the end of this diatribe my mom apologized, and said: "I'm sorry if I offended anyone, this is just how I feel."
After this?!?!?!
All I could think about was "you did not just say that." Do you realize lesbian and gay are the same thing?!?! After what I've been through the past month you have the nerve to say this?!?! Only reason I didn't is because I wasn't going to come out to Linda and her son.
Linda's son was in the backseat with Linda. I was doing the driving and my mom was seating next to me in the front seat.
My mom and Linda were talking about various friends they both have in common. One woman came up in the conversation, and here's what my mom said that made me cringe:
"I still can't believe Christina is a lesbian. This woman should not be where she is based on the lifestyle that she has chosen. She is in a position that she can play with and influence other peoples minds. It is just wrong."
The conversation went on, and just made my blood boil even more, I was sweating, and wanted to cry, but bit my tongue.
At the end of this diatribe my mom apologized, and said: "I'm sorry if I offended anyone, this is just how I feel."
After this?!?!?!
All I could think about was "you did not just say that." Do you realize lesbian and gay are the same thing?!?! After what I've been through the past month you have the nerve to say this?!?! Only reason I didn't is because I wasn't going to come out to Linda and her son.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Well, progress...
My dad, who has mentioned nothing about my sexuality since this conversation last April finally made a joke about it today. It was so out of left field and unexpected. I was at home and he called to tell me about some good news that he had regarding something. Then he joked that he would keep his mouth shut so that nobody would find out I'm queer. It was kind of bothersome in light of what had just happened with my mom, but it wasn't a big deal. It actually felt like we were making progress since this came up and apparently we're at the stage where we can joke about it. Eh. Kind of how things are going these days. Good and bad moments.
Friday, November 27, 2009
I stood up for her... yay...
This time it was the one in Oklahoma. My aunt was talking about my lesbian cousin's new lover. Aunt went on about how the Bible says it is wrong and she is trying to tell my cousin that because of this she is raising her children to believe it too. Cousin's oldest daughter just turned into a lesbian because my older cousin said that it was right. My cousin having another woman around is promoting it is ok for 2 women to run a family. It is going to cause my cousin's children to act out, they're going to be pushing boundaries like never before.
My mom is going to continue to pray, write a letter to my cousin telling her how bad this is on her children, and send her some links that she heard on Through the Bible Radio on KWAVE 107.9.
My aunt has taken my cousin to church, sat her down, read her scripture, and told her how she may have to intervene to change these children's minds. She said that she is going to take the kids for Thanksgiving weekend to get them out of the house of sin. My aunt acts as if she is the worst parent.
I'm just pissed off. My cousin is made out to look like the worst parent. She is not. She struggles to give the kids the best. She is one of the few parents who can actually and will actually spend all evening helping her kids with their math homework and things like that. She does so much for them.
When my mom told me to pray I told her NOT A CHANCE. "I can't pray that she is not a lesbian. It is not a choice. Read my paper (the paper I wrote for my psych class where I spelled out that homosexuality/lesbianism is not necessarily a choice, the person has identified with a certain sexuality and there is no changing that, but you have to be tolerant because it just fosters animosity)." I put the paper on her computer after I printed it up. It spells out my feelings exactly. At least I'm standing up for this.
My mom is going to continue to pray, write a letter to my cousin telling her how bad this is on her children, and send her some links that she heard on Through the Bible Radio on KWAVE 107.9.
My aunt has taken my cousin to church, sat her down, read her scripture, and told her how she may have to intervene to change these children's minds. She said that she is going to take the kids for Thanksgiving weekend to get them out of the house of sin. My aunt acts as if she is the worst parent.
I'm just pissed off. My cousin is made out to look like the worst parent. She is not. She struggles to give the kids the best. She is one of the few parents who can actually and will actually spend all evening helping her kids with their math homework and things like that. She does so much for them.
When my mom told me to pray I told her NOT A CHANCE. "I can't pray that she is not a lesbian. It is not a choice. Read my paper (the paper I wrote for my psych class where I spelled out that homosexuality/lesbianism is not necessarily a choice, the person has identified with a certain sexuality and there is no changing that, but you have to be tolerant because it just fosters animosity)." I put the paper on her computer after I printed it up. It spells out my feelings exactly. At least I'm standing up for this.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Presentation went OK
Had my presentation tonight in that class I had the stink with the professor about. She basically let her views of homosexuality be known. She believed hypnotism could cure homosexuality. She gave me pamphlets for her hypnosis business rather than let me talk about the effects of homosexuality/lack of sexual identity knowledge on kids. Many issues with how the professor handled- conflict of interest, lack of professionalism, not making me, the student feel safe in the classroom.
Well, I fought and won. The professor had new Powerpoints created by another teacher who taught this course. I requested that there be someone else in the room to monitor tonight because the topic was sexuality, her views may get in the way, and so someone was there.
There were a couple of moments where I almost cringed. The new Powerpoints mention nothing about sexuality. They were instead about good hygiene because that was a small section of the sexuality chapter. I guess she decided to skip it all together because she couldn't get her views/promote her business. There was a girl who asked a question about homosexuality and if it was environment. The professor said it could be many things like environment, and she briefly explained the ideas. The monitor did stand up a few times when she did almost tread off topic. She had a new tone about homosexuality, and that was "it is what it is."
My presentation was on the importance of educators knowing about sexuality and how to handle it in their classroom. I gave statistics like dropout rates for homosexuals, bullying, and things like that. Let's just say my teacher is a great example why i chose the topic I did.
- 26% of bullying done in the high school level is gay bullying
- gay students are 2/3 more likely than a straight student to commit suicide
- 30% of suicides are related to students struggling with their sexuality
- Every school shooting that has occurred in the US involves a student who was teased over their sexuality (Including Columbine!)
- 97% of students have heard the word gay, queer, faggot, etc. in school according to surveys
- 48% of students do not know where there teacher stands on homosexuality, and if they want to, do not feel comfortable talking with them
So basically I was advocating we train teachers so they know how to deal with these students. We need to watch our language, not toss around the word gay, etc.
That's what the issue was over... my professor was telling me to come out, it wasn't a big deal, I need to be hypnotized. Um. no.
So I got up and gave my presentation and I seriously kicked ass. This was probably 1 of my best presentations I've given. I was so prepared. I had lots to talk about. I had a few Keywords to talk about on my slides, but the majority came from my mind. I had the eye contact, everything. The professor had not one negative critique like she did for other students, like "you didn't cite sources," "you recited the book," "you just have ideas." I had everything, laid it out, and she just said it is important that we educate our kids so bad things can't happen like they can't die of suicide from being depressed.
At the end the professor told me I did a great job- whether it was sincere or not can be debated. We'll see when I get my grade... haha. It didn't seem the professor was sincere, but a few other students said they "had no clue," and their comments seemed genuine.
Well, I fought and won. The professor had new Powerpoints created by another teacher who taught this course. I requested that there be someone else in the room to monitor tonight because the topic was sexuality, her views may get in the way, and so someone was there.
There were a couple of moments where I almost cringed. The new Powerpoints mention nothing about sexuality. They were instead about good hygiene because that was a small section of the sexuality chapter. I guess she decided to skip it all together because she couldn't get her views/promote her business. There was a girl who asked a question about homosexuality and if it was environment. The professor said it could be many things like environment, and she briefly explained the ideas. The monitor did stand up a few times when she did almost tread off topic. She had a new tone about homosexuality, and that was "it is what it is."
My presentation was on the importance of educators knowing about sexuality and how to handle it in their classroom. I gave statistics like dropout rates for homosexuals, bullying, and things like that. Let's just say my teacher is a great example why i chose the topic I did.
- 26% of bullying done in the high school level is gay bullying
- gay students are 2/3 more likely than a straight student to commit suicide
- 30% of suicides are related to students struggling with their sexuality
- Every school shooting that has occurred in the US involves a student who was teased over their sexuality (Including Columbine!)
- 97% of students have heard the word gay, queer, faggot, etc. in school according to surveys
- 48% of students do not know where there teacher stands on homosexuality, and if they want to, do not feel comfortable talking with them
So basically I was advocating we train teachers so they know how to deal with these students. We need to watch our language, not toss around the word gay, etc.
That's what the issue was over... my professor was telling me to come out, it wasn't a big deal, I need to be hypnotized. Um. no.
So I got up and gave my presentation and I seriously kicked ass. This was probably 1 of my best presentations I've given. I was so prepared. I had lots to talk about. I had a few Keywords to talk about on my slides, but the majority came from my mind. I had the eye contact, everything. The professor had not one negative critique like she did for other students, like "you didn't cite sources," "you recited the book," "you just have ideas." I had everything, laid it out, and she just said it is important that we educate our kids so bad things can't happen like they can't die of suicide from being depressed.
At the end the professor told me I did a great job- whether it was sincere or not can be debated. We'll see when I get my grade... haha. It didn't seem the professor was sincere, but a few other students said they "had no clue," and their comments seemed genuine.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Posters
I saw a few posters put out by thinkb4youspeak and this one amused me, as did many of the others. Good stuff, check them out.
This is my new wallpaper on my computer. They have one that says "that's so computer gamer who has more videogames than friends."
Maybe one of these days I'll have a classroom of my own to put one in.
This is my new wallpaper on my computer. They have one that says "that's so computer gamer who has more videogames than friends."
Maybe one of these days I'll have a classroom of my own to put one in.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Drag Bingo
What's up guys?
Dennis messaged me about 5 or so tonight asking me what I was up to. He worded it in a way I knew he had wanted me to do something with him. That something was go to Drag Bingo. He is involved in an organization that helps youth struggling with coming to terms with their sexuality. He is a mentor at their summer and winter camp. Didn't know that. But he told me to meet him at 7 at a gay club in the next city over. He told me to bring $10.
We go in and are given 6 cards per game to play and markers to mark off our cards with. We sit in the back since that's where the seating was. I came so close to bingo the very first game. The 4 drag queens running the event circulated amongst the room blessing your cards by rubbing them between their crotches and calling out numbers. That was the dirtiest bingo I played. Make an erect cock with 2 balls (so a line with a ball on each side at one end.) There was food and tons of prizes. They had prizes and were given prizes for random things. First person to pull out a condom, a dollar bill, a Costco card. We didn't win anything. Dennis mingled with his friends.
After the event was winding down it was close to 9 and they were opening up the back bar where we were at. Dennis asked me what I like to drink, what was in each drink, and things like that. I told him what was in random stuff like a Tokyo Iced Tea, Long Island, Blue Bahama, Jack and coke. He is one of those who sort of lives vicariously through others and so I know he appreciated my tidbits of info about my drinking... haha. He is like me, curious, but more shy, and so I think that's why we're a good pair. He was wanting to try something and I could see it in him. Finally a girl he knew said she'd buy him a drink. We all stepped up to the bar and I got a jack and coke. Dennis went for a Long Island. I was really worried how he'd act since he is not a drinker i know for a fact, that's a lot of alcohol. He was getting dizzy quick. He wanted to do karaoke. He was searching the notebook of all the songs to sing. I'd point to some like N'sync, BSB, Dixie Chicks, and other trios/groups we could sing since his female friend was also there.
In the midst of this there was a guy at one of the large oblong tables sitting next to us. He was a latino guy who was totally my type. He had a heavy Spanish accent. He was about 5'11 and 35 or so. He had very dark skin and the sexiest square glasses. He was smiling at me and I was smiling back. He tried talking to Dennis' friend, but she didn't say much. I took The Guy's advice about bar situations last night and started mouthing stuff to this guy. I said "hi," he did the same back. Then he got up to get a beer and squeezed my cheek as he was heading to the bar. When he came back Dennis' friend took off, so I was next to this guy. He kept asking what I'd sing and I said I would do Rascal Flatts. He kept encouraging me to sing something and Dennis to do the same. He was touching Dennis and my hands, hugging me. I felt really awkward because he was all over me and Dennis was probably jealous of the attention. I shouldn't care you're probably saying, but I'm sensitive and cognizant towards that stuff. Dennis goes into the other room for a few minutes to sit down because I think the alcohol is really getting to him and then the latin guy, Jose, and I talked about him and how he hadn't been to the bar in 9 years. He got up to sing and he had all the drag queens over him. He sang some Spanish song. I was going to totally talk to him in Spanish when he got back to his seat, but he was talking in English and he said the first thing. I was going to say something like "ah, hablas Espanol, me gusta un hombre que puede." He was very talkative and hugging me and I didn't get the chance. He said he was going to Mexico this week and wanted to see me back in 2 weeks. He asked if Dennis was my boyfriend. I said no. I maybe should have said yes. HAHA. Anyways, Dennis came floating back in and we made small talk. He finally decided he wanted to take off. I made him prove to me that he was able to drive. He had me really worried. His friend and I both made sure he was safe and that he was able to walk straight, that he wasn't dizzy, that he was alert, that he was and it had been about 40 minutes before he'd had a sip. We let him leave. I was getting nervous because this could have easily gone a lot farther with Jose and I hadn't had any alcohol in my system in a while, so I told Jose I had to leave too when Dennis said he was heading out. Dennis walks out the door and Jose motions for me to come over to him. I do for the hell of it and he hugs me, kisses my neck, and then starts taking his teeth to my lip and kissing. He liked it rough apparently. I didn't. He told me to see him back there in 2 weeks.
So um. I drove home worrying about Dennis and told him to text me when he got home. He got home the same time I did and that was good. So now I'm just about to head to bed, but my mind was wandering and I needed to tell someone.
Oh, and I plan to tell my mom especially what we did tonight. She wasn't home when I took off and I just told my dad Dennis and I were going out. I'm going to tell my mom when she asks that Dennis is very involved in an organization that deals with youth who are struggling with their sexual identities and he is doing this because he is into leadership, administration, things like that. I'm sure she may have questions. Is Dennis gay? The answer will be yes. Am I gay? hm... The question might be where was this at and the answer will be a bar. The question did I drink may come up and the answer will be yes. It will all come out in due time.
Dennis messaged me about 5 or so tonight asking me what I was up to. He worded it in a way I knew he had wanted me to do something with him. That something was go to Drag Bingo. He is involved in an organization that helps youth struggling with coming to terms with their sexuality. He is a mentor at their summer and winter camp. Didn't know that. But he told me to meet him at 7 at a gay club in the next city over. He told me to bring $10.
We go in and are given 6 cards per game to play and markers to mark off our cards with. We sit in the back since that's where the seating was. I came so close to bingo the very first game. The 4 drag queens running the event circulated amongst the room blessing your cards by rubbing them between their crotches and calling out numbers. That was the dirtiest bingo I played. Make an erect cock with 2 balls (so a line with a ball on each side at one end.) There was food and tons of prizes. They had prizes and were given prizes for random things. First person to pull out a condom, a dollar bill, a Costco card. We didn't win anything. Dennis mingled with his friends.
After the event was winding down it was close to 9 and they were opening up the back bar where we were at. Dennis asked me what I like to drink, what was in each drink, and things like that. I told him what was in random stuff like a Tokyo Iced Tea, Long Island, Blue Bahama, Jack and coke. He is one of those who sort of lives vicariously through others and so I know he appreciated my tidbits of info about my drinking... haha. He is like me, curious, but more shy, and so I think that's why we're a good pair. He was wanting to try something and I could see it in him. Finally a girl he knew said she'd buy him a drink. We all stepped up to the bar and I got a jack and coke. Dennis went for a Long Island. I was really worried how he'd act since he is not a drinker i know for a fact, that's a lot of alcohol. He was getting dizzy quick. He wanted to do karaoke. He was searching the notebook of all the songs to sing. I'd point to some like N'sync, BSB, Dixie Chicks, and other trios/groups we could sing since his female friend was also there.
In the midst of this there was a guy at one of the large oblong tables sitting next to us. He was a latino guy who was totally my type. He had a heavy Spanish accent. He was about 5'11 and 35 or so. He had very dark skin and the sexiest square glasses. He was smiling at me and I was smiling back. He tried talking to Dennis' friend, but she didn't say much. I took The Guy's advice about bar situations last night and started mouthing stuff to this guy. I said "hi," he did the same back. Then he got up to get a beer and squeezed my cheek as he was heading to the bar. When he came back Dennis' friend took off, so I was next to this guy. He kept asking what I'd sing and I said I would do Rascal Flatts. He kept encouraging me to sing something and Dennis to do the same. He was touching Dennis and my hands, hugging me. I felt really awkward because he was all over me and Dennis was probably jealous of the attention. I shouldn't care you're probably saying, but I'm sensitive and cognizant towards that stuff. Dennis goes into the other room for a few minutes to sit down because I think the alcohol is really getting to him and then the latin guy, Jose, and I talked about him and how he hadn't been to the bar in 9 years. He got up to sing and he had all the drag queens over him. He sang some Spanish song. I was going to totally talk to him in Spanish when he got back to his seat, but he was talking in English and he said the first thing. I was going to say something like "ah, hablas Espanol, me gusta un hombre que puede." He was very talkative and hugging me and I didn't get the chance. He said he was going to Mexico this week and wanted to see me back in 2 weeks. He asked if Dennis was my boyfriend. I said no. I maybe should have said yes. HAHA. Anyways, Dennis came floating back in and we made small talk. He finally decided he wanted to take off. I made him prove to me that he was able to drive. He had me really worried. His friend and I both made sure he was safe and that he was able to walk straight, that he wasn't dizzy, that he was alert, that he was and it had been about 40 minutes before he'd had a sip. We let him leave. I was getting nervous because this could have easily gone a lot farther with Jose and I hadn't had any alcohol in my system in a while, so I told Jose I had to leave too when Dennis said he was heading out. Dennis walks out the door and Jose motions for me to come over to him. I do for the hell of it and he hugs me, kisses my neck, and then starts taking his teeth to my lip and kissing. He liked it rough apparently. I didn't. He told me to see him back there in 2 weeks.
So um. I drove home worrying about Dennis and told him to text me when he got home. He got home the same time I did and that was good. So now I'm just about to head to bed, but my mind was wandering and I needed to tell someone.
Oh, and I plan to tell my mom especially what we did tonight. She wasn't home when I took off and I just told my dad Dennis and I were going out. I'm going to tell my mom when she asks that Dennis is very involved in an organization that deals with youth who are struggling with their sexual identities and he is doing this because he is into leadership, administration, things like that. I'm sure she may have questions. Is Dennis gay? The answer will be yes. Am I gay? hm... The question might be where was this at and the answer will be a bar. The question did I drink may come up and the answer will be yes. It will all come out in due time.
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