Got out of coming out

Sorry to build your anticipation and make you think I was going to come out to my mom after the last post. DID NOT AND DOES NOT HAVE TO HAPPEN.

So The Guy called me at 1:30 after he left work. We talked for a few minutes and I told him the situation. We talked about my mom and how she doesn't believe I have had a drink before, so I had doubts she thought I was gay. He said ok, but mom's just know. We blabbed on the issue for about 15 minutes. Then he ended asking me what I was doing tonight. I really wanted to see and talk to him further about the issue because it was driving me crazy and I wasn't getting the answer I needed from The Guy over the phone. I took my sister to the bookstore and dropped her off so my mom could pick her up and they could go get allergy shots. I drove over to The Guy's.

I stopped and paid $4.05 for gas and it took $40 to fill my car. I was mad when I got off the freeway at The Guy's exit and see gas for $3.99, especially after it had been higher where he lives for several weeks. I really try to fill up at the cheapest station and monitor gas price websites.

Anyways, I get to The Guy's place about 3:30 and he is trying to fix his computer. He finally took the RAID card out. It was major surgery and the new hard drives in the computer weren't working, so he was trying to get them to be recognized. It worked FINALLY.

We talk and clean up his place- emptying the trash mainly and trimming his dog's nails. His dog was very fidgety and constantly moving backward almost making me lose my balance.

The Guy said Jeff was probably going to come over today. He did shortly after this and we sat on the couch. The Guy showed him Age of Conan and we sat watching The Guy die as he played in PVP mode, and told him about the game. I told Jeff and The Guy about all the articles I've been reading about how this is the WOW crusher because of the number of players in the first week (40,000, which is more than WOW's first week). I pointed out though, that in 2004 WOW was a new thing and MMOs have been around longer and evolved, so naturally it seemed there would be more people than in WOW's first week. I also talked about how the combat is more real in this and why. Jeff and I had fun making fun of The Guy. Jeff could hardly sit down and was up looking at The Guy's DVDs, playing with The Guy's air pump for his bike, and things like that. Jeff talked about how his mom is having a lot of problems and stuff like that. Jeff left after about an hour after we all made sandwiches and ate.

We sit down afterward at about 6:10 to play AOC. I had just listened to voicemails on my phone and I had a call from my aunt in Oklahoma- nothing bad, but the comment rehashed a bunch of memories/emotions about me coming out. I had my hands over my eyes and The Guy asked me if I was ok. I said "yeah, I'll be fine." He told me to move my hands and that's when I lost it. I walked into the bathroom and cried. Then I calmed down and went into the office because I just wanted to be alone.

The Guy came in about 20 minutes later, putting his computer down, telling the guys he was playing with online that he needed to take a break. The Guy comes in and tells me to put my hands down on my knees. The tears were really flowing and I didn't want to because I didn't want them dripping in my mouth. The Guy asked what the voicemail said. I told him what the voicemail said and he said that's not a bad thing, and it wasn't. My aunt was telling me she wasn't doubting that I was straight. The problem I pointed out to The Guy is how this comment my other aunt made was something that could hurt me later and how it seems I'm forced to come out to my mom now. The Guy saw the problem and how it is like I have to. We talked and came up with a way for me to come out to my mom. He said that the ball is in my court if I were to say that now that this has happened I need to be honest and this can be a time of bonding and I just need you to know this. It was said much more eloquently by him, but that's the gist. Really, the plan was great and I was willing to do it if I absolutely had to. He was sympathetic toward my situation about how he doesn't envy me, how my coming out was going to be forced, and how it wouldn't be on my own terms, compounded with all the other problems taking place.

I still had doubts though and was pensive about doing it. The Guy asked what was bothering me the most and I said stability and how things probably won't be stable and coupled with all of the problems right now that is very important to me. He said well, he really didn't think I had any choice but to come out and not to worry. He asked how many classes needed before I can graduate, how I can just finish the 2 classes needed and stop pursuing my minor if needed, how I can work more hours, how I have the determination and the tenacity to make ends meet and get back up on my feet if my mom were to say cut me off financially or something like that. Then he reminded me I have him and can stay with him for as long as needed until I get back on my feet, how I do have some money set aside that I can use, etc. The Guy reminded me there was nothing wrong with being gay and made me repeat several times "I am gay," saying it louder each time until I was screaming it like he was.

I asked The Guy about his coming out. He could never bring himself to tell his mom either. Finally she asked him when he was 22. She had always had her suspicions, but it was confirmed when she asked.

Then I went on about how I was just worried because the words that someone said will probably pop up later and how I was worried about how the words will most likely come back and haunt me. This time I went into further detail explaining how and how coming out later because of this would hurt me so much and how the lying involved would really cause problems for me, and not just with family. Then The Guy realized even further how I hadn't told the appropriate person that I am gay and this issue needs to be hidden and how important that is because it is not relevant to anything else going on. While my sexuality has nothing to do with this issue, this person has to know for several reasons including: their unique relationship with my parents, the fact they can prevent my sexuality from being used against me later. BINGO!!! That's what I'm doing tomorrow and I'm 99% sure this will work. I really didn't think of this and I'm a little surprised I didn't, but I can see why I overlooked it.

We talked a little more about coming out issues that my mom would want to know about- sex, STD's, and so we talked about that stuff and I felt a little better.

Throughout this whole conversation The Guy was making fun of me. When he first walked in the office to get me to stop crying he noticed and asked if I was hard. I was wearing tight medium washed blue jeans and I was hard, somehow, despite all of this crying. He grabbed it and squeezed it. Then he at the end of our conversation did the same. He even opened the fly of my pants and grabbed my dick and pulled it out and jacked it. I went down on him shortly after and began sucking him off. Then we went to the bedroom, I sucked him for a few minutes, then we just sat talking, holding each other, jacking off. He asked what I wanted and I said to just be held and so after we cummed he just held me. It felt so good.

Afterward, we got up, talked more about how I am not in the wrong AT ALL. It is the other people involved. Then we talked about how I should have nothing to worry about. I thanked The Guy again for making me realize that yes, and how I need to approach the situation.

Then we went in the living room, sat down for a dose of "Law and Order." The Guy apologized to Mike in Oregon, whom he was playing with, and said I had an emergency and we needed to talk. He was understanding. The Guy was being killed by a guy in AOC when he was doing PVP. The same guy was chasing him down and killing his character. The Guy was getting upset. About 8:30 I decided to leave. I just wanted to come home and relax. I hugged and thanked The Guy profusely for helping me and talking about everything. It meant so much and really sat me straight. I was so convinced coming out was a must, and I don't think it was unreasonable to think that, but The Guy merely pointed out how there must be trust in this situation and how sexuality is such a delicate issue that can slander and defame a person.

Note: I understand I'm being very ambiguous and nondescript about what I say, but the details are so complex and rather person that I don't really want to elaborate.