I've brought up many times before how I'm most worried about my mom finding out about me being gay because of Christianity and how homosexuality fits into that mix. How will she take it? What will her reaction be? What will she do?
Well, is church counseling the answer, or is this too good to be true?
I was scanning through the local section of the newspaper this morning and saw an ad for my old church. They're really not doing well financially and have been taking out large ads in the paper to promote their bookstore, grille, café, church services, and today counseling services.
It was a quarter page ad in black and white, with the churches logo in red.
If I had a scanner I would scan it in so you could see- I don't on my laptop, so here's the text:
DIVORCE?
MARITAL OR SPOUSAL PROBLEMS?
FAMILY PROBLEMS?
FRIEND ISSUES?
SCHOOL DIFFICULTY?
WORK DIFFICULTY?
GAY FAMILY ISSUES?
NOT LIVING UP TO YOUR POTENTIAL?
FEELINGS OF STRESS?
WORRIED ABOUT THE FUTURE?
NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO?
DIFFICULTY LIVING THE CHRISTIAN LIFE?
Big Mega Christian Church offers counseling for any and more of these issues in a friendly, warm, and Christian setting! Call or e-mail Pastor Fran.
Gay family issues? And this is a big Christian church we're talking about who sent out and passed out fliers in grocery store parking lots urging Californians to vote against gay marriage a couple years back? Are they suddenly really accepting, supporting, or were they going to say that homosexuality is wrong? What is the deal? I don't know, and I still don't know.
I did fire an e-mail to Pastor Fran, the same pastor who I recall urged during one service when the whole gay marriage issue first came to fruition in California urged members of the congregation.
In a nutshell I told him I'm a longtime member who happens to be gay, am ready to come out to my mom, but am worried she will have a negative reaction because of the church and Bible's views on homosexuality. Can they help?
Pastor Fran e-mailed me back and said:
We will absolutely help in any way we can. Why don’t we sit down and let me tell you what we can do to help your mom and what we will be telling her. I assume you would want to know what we will say to her so you can give her solid answers to her questions. Let me know when you can meet
So... I'm thinking of going. I'm a little hesitant because he does know who I am. It is not like he'll gossip, but just a man I've known for so many years and suddenly, wham! But it sounds like they're being supportive. So should I schedule an appointment to meet and see what he has to say about what he'll tell my mom?
I'm thinking it couldn't hurt... but...
7 comments:
OK -- here's my .02...Be very careful when dealing with the church. I am right where you are - church, mom doesn't know, etc... I have had 2 girls go to counseling in the church and they tried to "fix" them, and when they couldn't be fixed, they were made so uncomfortable that they left. I have a friend that actually said I should go to the same church counselor because his code of ethics as a psychologist prohibits him from telling others. But, if the counselor subscribes to the philosophy of the church, then they may very well have a problem with you being gay and try to get you to go into an ex-gay ministry (which I find an abomination). I have considered going to a counselor at a local church that is very gay friendly. I have heard great things about this guy. Before you go that church, I would suggest you look into finding a church counselor that would not be judgemental to you and especially one that you know would keep matters confidential and give you some objective measures to help you in dealing with your mom and the religious issues that you know will follow... Good luck, bro and let me know how it is going...
S.
Did you say they were against gay marriage before? So why are you still thinking of going? I have a feeling they'll just give you a Pat Robertson style lecture that'll make your current counselor seem like a Harvard alumni.
I wouldn't worry if you're strong and confident of your position, but at the same time, it's pretty difficult for me to imagine that the church will be helpful. Maybe I'm cynical, but to me it sounds like a trap, where they bring you in by appearing to be friendly and then end up really hurting your mother and your relationship with her by driving home the "sins" of homosexuality. To me anyway, it's far worse for a church to say "love the sinner hate the sin" in this case because it's puts your mom in a pretty tough bind - is her loyalty to her pastor or to her family? Just my thoughts. And this is coming from someone who's VERY suspicious of mainstream Christianity, so take this advice with a couple grains of salt :)
Good luck though . . .
I'd be on my guard, based on the past history of the church you mentioned. Maybe they're really trying to help, maybe they're wolves in sheep's clothing. Hard to say.
Do what you feel is right, but I'd say be careful and wary, just in case. I wish you the best of luck.
I don't think it could hurt, as long as you are on your guard (as other comments have suggested). It is another step in your coming out to others process. I think ministers and counselors are both sworn not to tell others what they learn in counseling sessions, so I wouldn't worry too much about this aspect.
Big Mega Non-Denominational Christian Church = Non-Gay Friendly
I'm just saying!!!
I agree with others--if you feel confident and can withstand a possibly negative experience, go ahead. I would find out if the counseling is done by a minister/ pastor or by a licensed therapist of some type. If it's just a pastor, there are no legal restraints against talking to your mom, only an ethical one. If it's a licensed professional of some sort, they would be legally bound by their state license to not talk to your mom so they could lose their license if they did. Also, all the professional counseling/ psychology associations say that being gay is not a mental illness and if you have a client and can't take that position, you should refer them to someone who can. So you'd have a little more assurance of a positive outcome from a licensed professional over a pastor.
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