Female friends

I have been thinking a lot lately how I have a lot more female friends than male, as well as more female friends that I am closer to.

I have some pretty good male friends like Mike and Steve, but we may only hang out once a quarter. We chat online quite a bit. Mike goes to college full time and works full time. Steve goes to a college about 40 miles away, but lives on campus and is rarely in town. I know that telling Mike things like I'm gay will be difficult, thus I feel a little disconnected. Steve would most likely be alright and offer support. To Steve, I am thankful.

Steve and Mike are great, but I don't feel as close to them as I do The Guy. I shouldn't feel that close to them like I do The Guy because I haven't done anything sexually with them. I feel more like they're just nice guys I can hang around, but feel like I'm hiding a part of myself. I have hidden this issue for years from various people and I can continue. I have done a pretty darn good job I think. Obviously, sexuality doesn't define me, but I feel as if they should know because I'm getting tired of playing it straight and talking about hot girls, etc. I can continue as I said, but I feel it is becoming increasingly tough, especially as I become more involved with guys.

I have a lot more female friends however that I am closer to and can tell things I can't tell my guy friends. I eventually told Gonzo yes, I am bi. It wasn't easy, but I felt more comfortable telling them than my guy friends. I have even mentioned The Guy to her and some of the things we have done like making out, stuff like that. Gonzo and I have a lot in common from brothers and sisters who refuse to get their license, to just always being extremely busy. She is just the sweetest, most supportive thing, and I love her.

Jenn and I are very good friends who have a lot in common also like similar family situations with grandparents, same interests, and stuff like that. Jenn and I chat online at last once a week online, we support each other in all that we do, and we always hang out when she is in town. I want to, and plan to come out to Jenn in the future; I am worried about her telling her mom, but that is not my main deterrent.

There is the ex; she is a sweet girl, and we're pretty good friends overall. We try to catch up over lunch when she is in town. I don't feel comfortable with her knowing my little secret, thus I am hiding a part of my life from her. Her ex, the guy she went to the prom with is gay... don't like that idea and am sure it would cause some ruffles in our relationship.

I have a couple other good female friends like Darla from work and we enjoy hanging out when she has the time. She spends 12-13 hours some days at the college I go to because of labs and things like that. I would be fine with her knowing.

I guess through all of this, what I'm saying is I want more male friends that I can tell things about, like yes, I am gay. I'd love more guys to hang out with and do guy things like watching TV, movies, playing computer games, and talking about guy things (or talking about hot guys). Maybe I'm saying that I'm weak and am not comfortable with my male friends knowing. Maybe I'm worried that this could cost friendship.