Every Thursday after getting allergy shots, my mom, dad, sister, and I go out to dinner. We went to a restaurant my dad picked that my sister would eat at. We ended up at Cocos, but that's not important.
My sister was talking about how there are so many hot guys at her college and how the guy she sits next to on the train is so cute. She commutes to her college on the train. Somehow the tables were turned and we went from talking about her college to mine. My dad said "I know why Mike doesn't like college..." and he is right; I haven't liked it, but I knew the conversation wasn't about my reasons why- the conversation was about girls. There was a brief pause of maybe 30 seconds and he looked at me. My mom asked why, since she hadn't picked up on where the conversation was going. Then my dad said there aren't any hot girls at Mike's college.
I sat there and just stared letting my dad narrate and give his side of the story. My mom said she was sure that wasn't the case. My dad said that I told him it was the case and that Asian girls do nothing for me. That is a lie because I have said nothing. I still sat there just letting my dad do the talking. My sister piped in that she has seen some hot baseball players at my college and talked about her friends who go to my college who are on the baseball team. Then my sister piped in that there are hot girls all around my campus because the cheerleaders from her high school go there. She then said that the male population she has seen at my college is pretty hot. I must have missed it. I am there everyday and few guys pique my interest. I don't think I have super high standards, but I must be missing out on the cute guys she has seen at my college.
Anyways, I just wanted to say I felt so awkward sitting there as my dad was saying this because at times I feel so much like my dad knows. I felt like he was giving me the opportunity to open up and say I like guys. I just felt put on the spot, even though I did no talking whatsoever. I drove home upset at my dad for putting me on the spot like this and I'm thinking more and more of just confessing to him since I get the feel he knows and would be ok. I just worry that he would say something to my mom and she would find out; though there are times like when he found male porn on my computer a few years back in high school he told me to be sure mom doesn't find out. Still, I sit here remaining confused, in the closet, still undecided if I should say something to my dad, or just ignore this conversation.
2 comments:
In my opinion, it's not fair to tell one parent and not the other. They are in a life partnership and one not being truthful to the other drives a wedge in their relationship. I don't think that should be asked or expected of anyone outside that relationship. Now it's a different story when one accidentially finds out and chooses not to tell the other.
Your dad found guy porn on your computer and confronted you about it by telling you to make sure your mom doesn't find out?? Yeah man, I think he has an idea. Plus, the stuff you talk about in the linked post—about Mr. X's MySpace—really lets you know he'll probably be OK with it.
But ugh. Bruce is right: it's not fair to tell one parents and ask them to keep it secret from the other, especially if they're still married. Though at the same time, I have to say: whichever way you have to go to get it out there, do it.
Nothing Golden Stays
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