I am not well

The past 2 days have been miserable. I am not going to go into tons of details, but my dad had his surgery the other day. My dad broke some bones in the upper part of his leg that the doctor had to operate on and repair, as well as cut out some inflamed tissue that was causing him excruciating pain up and down his legs and back. There was good and bad to the surgery. Good in that the surgery went ok and that he should be able to walk in a few months after physical therapy and other things. Bad in that he is very loopy, even today, because his blood pressure is so low. He spent the day at Kaiser with my mom. I spent almost all day at Kaiser yesterday with my mom and sister waiting for my dad.

It was 7p.m., and nearly a 7 hour surgery before my dad had woken up and the surgery was complete and we could pick him up. I call The Guy about 6p.m. and he asks how I was holding up. I told him how bored I was and he said he felt really bad because he knows I really needed someone and he wasn't there. That hurt me badly. I was feeling fine most of the day and was pretty strong throughout the whole procedure even though it was a very serious procedure. I just told The Guy it wasn't a big deal. Then I texted him telling him how I felt bad that I didn't call when I needed someone to lean on. He was going to dinner with Jeff. He had been going to take Josh out, but Josh broke plans with The Guy to go with Jackie. They went to PF Changs.

I get a call about 8p.m. from The Guy asking how I was holding up. I wasn't holding up well. I picked my dad up at 7p.m. or so, then we weren't in my car even 5 minutes when my world came crashing down. My aunt in Nor Cal did something that was so rude, so hurtful, and just so bad. It made a difficult day even more difficult. My dad and I get to the restaurant where my aunt and uncle are, then eat. We eat at Norms. It was disgusting food. I will never go back. It was so bland and dry. Anyways, dinner constituted my dad being extremely forgetful and asking the waitresses name over 30 times. That was the only thing going through his mind. I had to tell my mom about what happened, which broke her down, but what my aunt did could not wait no matter how things were just trying to get back to normal. Then my aunt and uncle had to hear that, which made it more difficult because of the money situation, but also because they're just as sick and worried as we are.

We get back to my house and my aunt and uncle come to help my dad. The conversation then turns to money. They see our newly carpeted bathrooms, then my sister says "well, you should see Mike's room; it is bare and it has nothing in it, but he wants a new $3000 bedroom set." Thanks sister. Then she says that I'm the greediest child because I just dropped $300 at Banana Republic and the only reason she knows about it is because my dad made an issue about having to buy all of that stuff. He owed me, though. Thanks sister for embarrassing and humiliating me in front of my family. The whole reason the money issue came up is because now we're having to pay even more for a lawyer (and we've paid close to $50,000 already); we are currently remodeling our house; and because my mom's boss doesn't like her, he cut one of her classes forcing her to take a 20% pay cut. My parents were talking about how this can't continue and how they've tapped into their retirement etc. etc. This stuff worries me because it is their future, but also money is so tight every month, and I don't ask for a lot, but dumbass sister makes it sound like I do. My uncle kept saying he'd give money whenever needed, but that's not the issue. The issue is what my aunt did.

The Guy called at about 9p.m. and I tell him how my world just came crashing down and everyone is so worried. We knew this would happen, but it was a matter of when. We have to act by MOnday to do anything if there is a chance, but my aunt could be in a lot of trouble. Anyways, I tell THe Guy and he asked if I wanted to get out. I did. I ask if I could spend the night because I'll just be turning around and house sitting for him this weekend. He says fine as long as I don't mind sleeping on the couch. I didn't.

I pack my weekend bag because I was going to be house sitting for him when Josh and him go to Vegas for Josh's birthday. When I got to his place there was a balloon and vase of flowers. Josh stayed the night Thursday night, then Friday The Guy and him both had to get up early. The Guy was trying to overcompensate because he broke up with Jackei the night before.

I tell The Guy my problems about why I was feeling so bad being a target of my sister's. He told me to snap back, only focus on the future, not to question her ideas, or give my sister any power by that. It is so hard when I feel so bad because I don't feel like I ask a lot from friends (like The Guy monetary-wise or for things like him to hang out with me like it would have been nice Friday). Then I don't think I ask a lot from family- I may splurge on clothes once or twice a year, same goes for big items. The Guy didn't seem to understand. I was fed up and wanting to walk out. I told him I was going to. He finally said he's not helping. He said he can't see any of this. Still, today, he doesn't know how much his dad makes. He always, always had money. He gets his parents hand me downs. His parents are well off. His parents never ever mentioned the word money- it was just always there, so he doesn't understand what I'm going through but feels so bad because it is eating me up so much.

We talk even more and I talk about how my aunt's actions are also hurting me because of the emotional attachment to what she did, then the worry about the future, how things will play out, money, and things like that. Again, The Guy wasn't very open and he was just telling me to get over it, but it is so hard. I gave up and told him forget it. He didn't want to, but I said YES and with a little more talking I was better able to explain how I felt.

Again, we talk about friendship. He talked about how this is eating me up and it pains him to see how I'm so focused on the past. I don't think I am. I was just questioning whether my sister's points were valid, and again, he didn't see that. We talked. We talked about friendship and how we aren't always there for friends and how he understands how I was hurt and even a short text would have probably meant the world. I understand he was in a spiral because Josh broke up with Jackie, then when The Guy got home in the afternoon Jackie was at The Guy's house and Josh and Jackie were suddenly back together.

We take some Tylenol PM to sleep, then call it a night at 11p.m. or so.

We both wake up at about 8:30. The Guy plays some WOW, then we get ready about 9a.m. He asks if I have gas in my car. I said I didn't know. He tells me how he still doesn't know about the watch. I said NO. I told him to keep it for later, give it to himself, etc. He didn't believe me. He called Zach. Zach didn't pick up, but calls back a little bit later and says that Josh has done nothing. The Guy tries the watch on and says it isn't him. He'd want one with a metal instead of plastic band. The Guy says he doesn't want it. Zach says to do it after all he has done, as a little reward that he is still sane after being so caught up in everything. He agrees. In the car as I drive him to Ralphs he takes pics and texts Zach and sends the pics. Zach approves of the watch. The Guy also talks about how he is not sure why he is doing all of this for Josh. He never does this stuff for Jeff, Zach, or I. That was reassuring and I was glad he realized it.

We go to Ralphs so he could get snacks for the trip up- carrots, strawberry smoothie, pitas from Pita Pit, ice, an ice chest, and some other stuff. All healthy. The Guy tells me how he has an itinerary for the trip he made. It is about 10 pages with a picture of the roulette wheel, Vegas map, then a schedule like the trip up, what they'd do every minute etc. I told The Guy it was really cute, but definitely overkill. He said he wanted to give it, then tear it up. I discouraged that. He said I'm right- it is his fear about everything like the future and having to have it planned out and be perfect. The Guy gives me his Arco gas card and I go and fill up my car. It only takes $18 to put 9 gallons in my car. HOW AWESOME IS THAT?

Also on the car trip we listened to Gloria Gaynor's "I will Survive," "More Than a Woman" by the BeeGees, and "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol.

I drop The Guy off to get his rental car. I wait a few minutes, then he texts saying all is ok. I drive back to his place. He rolls up a few minutes later in a black 2008 Cadillac CTS. He rented a car for Josh and him. He was upset it wasn't a Mercedes or Infiniti and protested, but it was a pretty nice car. He packed, showered, then I gave him my iPod cord (car charger and AUX adapter) for the Caddy. He looked good in the Caddy. No joke. Black shirt, black sunglasses, black hair, haha



He takes off about 12, and I do too to get food.

This afternoon I drove down to Monterey Park for food. That is a 30 mile drive, but I haven't been to LA in a long time and wanted to go. I went to a favorite Chinese food place of mine. Then I realized I was on Atlantic, which turns into Telegraph Road, which was near the outlets. The Citadel Outlets. I had never been, had heard about them, especially on HOT 92.3. I drove down there and it was a mess. Parking? Miles away. Good deals though- 2 pairs of Levi's for $45, a few gifts for my aunts at the Corningware/Pyrex store. Would I go there again? NO. It was junky, crowded, and not worth it. It made me sad. Leaving was a challenge because of the Christmas tree lighting ceremony at the outlets. I end up winding through the streets of Commerce and East LA and I do drive by The Guy's dad's business which was a neat feeling to see it in person, though it was nothing special; but also it just kind of made everything seem more real.


Pictures are acting funny, but if you enlarge you can see how junky these outlets appear being off the freeway in an industrial area.
Why did I pet sit this weekend? Jeff wanted to do it for The Guy, but I knew I would want out of the house because I'd be going crazy. My aunt and uncle would be there for my dad at his every beck and call, plus too many people in the house would make it crazy. It was yesterday just being at Kaiser with everyone. My dad is doing ok tonight- he is stable- so things could change. But I knew I'd need a break. I was going crazy and the thing that happened with my aunt does effect me, but I can't really do anything to help. I had no clue this would also happen, but I knew I'd need a vacation and pet sitting for him was a vacation. I am there for my family, but this weekend I wouldn't have been much help.

How much did The Guy spend on Josh?
$25 money clip
$100 iPod headphones for Sunday afternoon when The Guy meets Josh's parents for lunch
$300+ rental car
$325 hotel room at Bellagio
$100+ I'm guessing very conservatively on dinner at a sushi restaurant in the Bellagio
$20 flowers and balloon
$1 card
$330 for 2 tickets to Phantom of the Opera