The plan and Gonzo

Saturday I may finally get to tell Gonzo the situation. We have texted back and forth and decided Saturday about 3:30 we'll have lunch at an undetermined location.

For those of you who have been keeping track, in the past I didn't sound as nervous telling Gonzo. In fact, I was looking forward to it in some aspects. I was scared on one hand about her finally knowing my secret, but the fact that I was going to do it so spontaneously eased my worry.

The worry however has set in and I now have the butterflies in my stomach, knot in my chest since I've had several extra weeks to mull over the issue. Hopefully the extra time is for the better and so I won't say anything I will regret. I have had 3 or so weeks to think about telling her. It can play out 1 of 2 ways and here is what I have planned. I know and have been told not to plan coming out because most likely it won't happen the way you plan, and maybe it won't, but I want to at least have something more or less rehearsed so I don't come off looking like a complete idiot or saying something I hadn't planned, therefore having to give Gonzo further explanation of something I don't want to (like how far I've gone with a guy or some other details). So here are my somewhat rehearsed responses for possible questions she may ask.

When we have our lunches one of us asks the relationship question. She'll say something to the effect of, "so Mike how are things with you and the girls?" If it comes out that way, I plan to say "well Gonzo, not so well... I have had a couple bad dates, but I've been meeting some guys."

Another way it could come is I'll ask her how her and her boyfriend are, she'll tell me, then say I need a girl and I'll say well, "I need a girl... or guy..."

Or maybe I'll be really bold and say Gonzo... I'm bi. In either case I'm going to say BI- not gay. Originally I was going to say gay, but the thing is she knows both of my ex girlfriends and I don't want to sound like I had no interest in them and everything, so I want to say BI just to ease my mind. An advantage to saying bi is that I won't have to go and explain the whole ex situation.

In whatever case, whether it plays out like this, or not, I'm sure she'll be inquisitive and want to know every detail. I don't want her to know every detail. So here's my story and this is what I plan to stick to.

If she asks something like when did this happen, how did I find out, etc.?
I don't know how it happened. A few months back I was cruising myspace or something and a guy messaged me telling me I was hot. (I will tell her if need be that I'd known this guy for a while and knew he was gay). That idea of a guy thinking I was hot intrigued me and I started entertaining the thought that maybe he guys were an option. We chatted for a while and soon after we're meeting up at his place hanging out, and after a while, we make out. The making out was far better than any I have ever done with a girl.

If she asks how I have kept it a secret from my parents...
Very carefully... I told them Steve was a friend from high school. They know Steve, he's a likeable, good guy. I'll tell her the excuses I've used and stuff like that.

If she asks how far I've gone...
Not much beyond hugging, cuddling, making out, but I found I can really enjoy either male or female companionship.

If she asks how long I've kept this a secret from her because I do plan to say I have gone on a few dates with guys just to not make it sound like it is a big lie and I'm joking with her...
I'm going to say that all of the dates I've told her about were with girls, but Steve (my code name for my parents and Gonzo for The Guy) is really the guy I met. I just never felt comfortable with telling her, even though there was no real reason to not trust her. I have told her several times that Steve and I hung out. I'm going to tell her that yes, I was lying. I am not talking about Steve our high school friend and I feel terrible about doing it, but I'm new to this whole situation and everything, everything has happened so fast, and it has been driving me crazy, so I wanted to tell her now and quit the lying because she is someone I really do trust.

If she asks what Steve/The Guy looks like...
I am not sure I'll say he is on my top friends on myspace. I don't have a picture of him on my phone unfortunately (I wish I did... his hot face showing up everytime I receive a call etc. etc would be hot). But really, I am not sure I want to show her who he is... at least not yet. I'll just say I'll show you one of these days and continue playing that off. Not that I have any reservations about showing her what The Guy looks like, because I don't... he is a damn good looking guy and I'm proud to know him. Really, Saturday, I just want to focus on telling her, making sure she understand where I'm coming from, then we can talk about cute guys and the like later.

I plan to emphasize the fact that she is the only one who knows, but I couldn't bare lie to her anymore about where I've gone and who I've seen. I'm going to ask that she keep it a secret from my parents, friends, and coworkers. I'm going to emphasize with how much I trust her, things like that. I'm going to tell her how sorry I am for lying, I hope she hasn't lost my trust, and how things just happened so quick.

Now that I have this figured out for the mostpart, maybe I can fall right to sleep without worrying anymore. I laid down in bed at 10:30, at 12:30 I was still laying thinking about Saturday, so decided to get up to write this.