Tomorrow just became harder

First of all because Gonzo just texted me saying she can't go because she can't afford to since she doesn't have the money. I'm going to offer to pay and or say she can pay me back later or buy me lunch another day at work.

Secondly because of events I can't really go into at work- that's how serious it is.

First, a kid I tutored was called queer by a kid in the class. The kid is gay, he is 15, he is a freshmen, his parents are having a hard time dealing with it and are telling him he is not gay. He is getting crap for it at home and at school. I feel so sorry for him... he is so young. Anyways, I can't go into what happened with that. At lunch, Gonzo, the coordinator, and I were talking about how difficult it must be for the kid to come out so young. In my mind I was thinking yeah, and I'm coming out to Gonzo tomorrow. Then we talked about how sexuality shouldn't matter, Gonzo said nobody should be upset because sexuality is something you can't change. That's great that she said that and was reassuring, but all of this didn't come at a wonderful time when I was thinking I'm taking my first giant step.

Then we talked about how Mr. P (one of my favorite teachers of all time and I work with him now and tutor for his class) has dealt with it since the kid is in Mr. P's class. Mr. P will do anything for any student and stand up for any kid who makes fun of another. Mrs. C informed us that Mr. P is taking this issue to heart and is really upset by it because Mr. P's own brother is gay and seeing kids bullied over sexuality is something Mr. P will especially not tolerate. Mr. P has a special place in his heart for anyone who is struggling with sexuality because his dad was a minister and so obviously he disapproved a lot about what Mr. P's brother did. Mr. P's brother was almost driven to suicide. I had in fact heard this before from a couple sources, but this confirmed it. I have a whole new respect for Mr. P hearing about how he has stood up for gay guys in the past and some of the fights he has got into with guys over this. I don't plan on telling Mr. P or Mrs. C about me, but just to know that Mr. P would be totally ok with it is awesome. I would never tell Mr. P or Mrs. C in fact, especially because both know my parents very well and plus I know Mr. P on many levels- a colleague, student, and friend.

I just texted Gonzo while writing this offering to pay tomorrow. We'll see what she says. I was going crazy this afternoon driving home from school thinking about telling her. This whole thing just made it really awkward. I was thinking about how I could approach it and after having a while to think about it decided I'm going to tell Gonzo I've been trying to tell her and planned on telling her even prior to all this sexuality stuff at work today. This thing also just made me more antsy and I am even more nervous about when I can finally tell her.

Update: Gonzo said NO for tomorrow. DANG!!! I also told my mom about the whole thing above and elaborated on everything. She was almost in tears that Mr. P's brother almost committed suicide. That makes me feel good just to see that she heard what a hard time his brother had.