Many of you will remember my beef with Keith over how he has not thanked me for house sitting for him a few months back. I ignored all of his texts, calls, and avoided him in person. I saw Jack Off Buddy, his boyfriend, and Keith all talking at the gym a few weeks back and went in the other direction. I inadvertently pulled my car in across from Keith at the gym a few weeks back, saw him, waved, and went to work out. I get a text from him later that it was too late to work out.
After talking to someone else I decided what it was that bothered me about Keith. He is a user. He has used me, and this was something I didn't blog about out of shame.
Back in December he texted me one afternoon to hang out. I said that would be fine. He said we were going on a work adventure and if I would help him for a few hours he would treat me to dinner. I said that was cool. I help him do what he needs, which was measuring a shopping mall, counting the parking spaces, and size of each unit/building. After, we drove by what looked to be a ritzy, 60s style steakhouse in the OC. He asked if it sounded good and I said it did. We go in, grab drinks, then head to the table where we talk about lots of random stuff like his ex, friends, and the usual. When we were grabbing drinks he assured me I should order whatever I want as he was covering it. I order the $30 cheapest meal house specialty steak. He orders the most expensive wine on the menu at about $75 and I partake. He orders his meal, which is double mine, and dessert. When the bill comes Keith said things like he couldn't afford to me, he always does 50/50 when he goes out with friends and it comes to the bill, he talked about how his bills all came due at once. Poor him. Then why did he say we were going to this expensive place? I was student teaching and had not received a paycheck since August or September- and he knew that very well- I told him several times. I spelled out I was not getting paid. I told him I was relying on money from my parents, which was the absolute truth. I couldn't afford the $230+ ticket not including tip. I paid my portion, which was like $113 excluding tip. He said that then I can afford it because I can ask them to pay for it and tried to put words in my mouth. And were we going to have a showdown at the table? I should have challenged him. Maybe? I just put my credit card on the table in shame, then went home and begged mommy and daddy to pay, which thankfully they did begrudgingly. I was quite the bitch going home. I was full of snark. I think Keith found it hilarious.
I went out with him probably 2 months back after seeing him at the gym. We went to Islands because he was hungry. He was one of those who was so precise that the bill be split just so meaning he was 100% sure I was paying for mine and he was paying for his. Um... most people split down the middle and it isn't an issue... and prior he had. And my chips/guac and drink were far less than his. And sure it would have cost me more, but the annoyance of going through and doing it his way was not worth it.
I ran into Keith a few Saturdays ago at the gym after months of avoiding him. I walk into the locker room and see him there naked, which was way more than I wanted to see. He says "hey you." I was completely out of it. I was tired from not sleeping last Friday night, being up early on Saturday, and it was 95 out. I said "hey" in a fatigued voice and walked to wash my hands since I was ready to leave. He asked how I was and where I have been. I said busy. He said I was tan. I told him I'd been subbing PE recently. He said he could see. He said I was looking sexy. I said thanks. He started in on his pity party. His mom had heart surgery, a bypass, and pneumonia or something over the past few weeks, he can't afford his bills again, he missed his mortgage payment, and how was I? I said I was great. I told him I was on my way to the bank and to meet a friend, so he hurried up to dress and we walked out of the gym together. He told me he missed me and wanted to hang out soon. He reached his arms out for a hug and grudgingly I gave in. I get in my car and leave.
I ran into him at the gym Tuesday night and was not my usual self. I saw him walking out as I was walking him. I saw him, he stopped in the crowded entryway, and he asked if I was coming or going. I said coming. He said he was hoping I was going. I said I was running late and so got to the gym late. He said "okie" and I said goodbye since we were getting bumped in the hall.
At least I realize what kind of friend Keith is and I know I won't let this happen to me again.
5 comments:
Mike: After treatment like this at the steakhouse, combined with the house sitting non-thanks, I would not use "friend" and "Keith" in the same sentence. He's the type where the friendly demeanor is used to manipulate and exploit others. He seemed to get kicks out of toying with you at the dinner. That's not how friends should treat each other.
Mike, I feel your pain. I hate going out with friends and constantly getting stuck with the bill, driving, or etc. Everyone always has a friend like that....
I also hate friends that never reciprocate. One of my friends always comes out with us, yet never invites us to go out with her. Just a different type of using..
Mike: TYinSD is right in that we all know people like Keith, but you don't have to continue to associate with them once you figured out their scam. The telling sign for me is why is it at the most expensive place, when clearly he ordered way more costly items than you, the bill has to be split 50-50 so that you end up subsidizing his meal? But at more casual and cheaper places, the bill is itemized so that each is paying just for what they ordered? I can see if there is some consistency where 50-50 split is the general rule, sometimes one pay more, sometimes less, and it kind of evens out.
Oh but that besides the point with the steakhouse -- he was treating, cause YOU did him a favor. He invited you under that pretense, he reinforced that expectation while ordering, yet made you squirm when it came time to pay. That's the infuriating part, the whole dinner was offered under false pretenses, so you could help pay for his expensive meal, especially since he knew this was a financial hardship for you. When you think about it, who really paid? Your parents, and they didn't get a bite of food or drink of wine.
OMG! What a douche, the steakhouse incident is infuriating to read, I can't imagine how worse it must have been to live it.
Well good for you. Yes, he was a user.
Some points on manners with bills, though. I and many others do not usually split a bill, unless the meals were very comparable in price. Halving is traditionally perceived of as rather rude no matter what the circumstances, but particularly if you've ordered more $$. For me, I will pay for both me and my friend, or only mine, but rarely half (if I do pay half, it's with very close friends, and then I still never expect it). If I pay for only mine, I am usually polite/smart enough to ask for a separate bill beforehand.
Okay, that said, if HE invited you, that means HE pays. Tip and all. Especially if he said/implied he would! Sheesh. I can't imagine treating someone I called a friend so stingely and cheaply. I'm sorry man. :( Next time do what I do, state quite firmly that you won't pay for anyone's booze. That usually gets the point across that you won't be picking up anyone's tab in any way, shape, or form. ;)
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