Talked with my best friend over AIM tonight. He was asking me about some random girls he met he thought were hot. Something came up while talking is that I can never tell him anything good about girls- only why a certain girl is wrong for him. I've been right about all of his ex's... go figure. I made a comment later that I'm about ready to give up on girls. He said he was too; but I meant it in a different way.
I brought up going to a gay club with Gonzo here in my city and all the hot people there. He told me how nasty that was. I said that Gonzo encouraged me to go- which there is partial truth in that statement; it was her wanting to go and me too. Then he asked why I did and I finally got the words out- not I'm gay, rather I am questioning my sexuality. I felt that was safer.
His responses to the club thing were negative:
- tell Gonzo "sorry, but, I don't like having a dick shoved up my ass"
- YOU LIKE PUSSY
it's ALL about the pussy
yup
-just sit down, watch some NON-GAY porn, and relax
PLEASE don't question your sexuality
you know pussy feels a LOT better than ass
plus, if you happen to LIKE ass, get a girl that will let you do her in the ass
Now if I had the balls I would have said girls just don't turn me on. I like guys; but it has been such a difficult thing to admit to him; especially since he is so homophobic.
He had a response later "If you ever turn gay, I swear"
Later he was stereotyping all gay guys as being flaming gays and stuff like that. I asked him if he knew any gay guys and he said "no, only that queer Matthew Sheperd." That sent me over the edge- he was on the phone with his mom at the time, but as soon as he was off I was on the phone with him. On the phone I was mad and said I take offense to what he said because I am questioning my sexuality, that it is wrong to categorize all gay guys like this since many are not. There are straight guys who stay closeted their whole lives and hide it, so don't flaunt it.
That shut him up and I said that I'm experimenting right now and at least I'm getting around exploring both sides- male and female, so I think that is pretty good. He reiterated if I'm gay he's going to have a real issue. JR asked what the real issue was since I happened to be im'ing him at the same time. I'm not sure what the issue is- I mean we've been friends 15 years or so, so I think the friendship would last. I just don't know what the issue was.
We resumed talking on AIM and he was telling me how this whole conversation we had tonight was about gay guys and how there are so many signs I'm leaning toward being gay. My first problem is I went to a gay club. My second problem is I bought a Mac last month (sorry JR, B, and K). My friend went on a tangent about how all gay guys have Macs. Then I said I was saving for an iPhone and he said that's another sign because Apple is synonymous with being gay. I just told him those are all false stereotypes. My friend always likes to bring up he bought an HP iPod rather than an Apple iPod.
He went on telling me how everyone in Cali is basically bad for being so open about sexuality and I seem to have jumped on the bandwagon.
At least I said QUESTIONING... right? He's gotta know now...
Edit: Thanks guys for the comments so far. I am debating the "best friend" portion of this relationship. I think I want to talk to my friend more and just let him know where I stand and how I feel, how I don't want to lose him as a friend- then leave the ball in his field where he can choose to accept me or not. All I know is that he believes homosexuality is wrong because the Bible says it is; he believes homosexuality/orientation is chosen; and that he is very homophobic.
7 comments:
"Best Friend?" Doesn't really sound like it to me.
Mac a "gay computer"...I think not. Macs rule, no matter your sexuality!
That sounded like a rough conversation. Where's he from anyhow? Maybe you should reiterate the "best friend" part to him, and ask him to be more understanding or at least tactful?
Wow, what an awkward conversation.
As someone in the closet I can relate to how this must of bothered you on a few levels. I guess this guy might have to make a decision one day if whether who you choose to love is enough to lose a friend over. If so, then how good of a friend were they to begin with?
I don't mind being reminded that there aren't as many of these folks to deal with as I thought and I know a few like that myself. We certainly won't surround our selves with them given a choice in the matter long term. I know i'm looking for more positive people I can relate to better as I continue on my journey.
Glad you spoke up. Maybe you at least got him thinking a little about his prejudice though it may be a futile effort.
wow...talk about ignorant (him not you).
you are going to run across people like this all through your life. if your friends do not accept you for who you are then they aren't your friends, and frankly, don't waste your time on it. there are plenty of other people out there who won't give a rats *ss if you are gay, straight, bi, trans, queer, questioning, intersex, whatever.
on the flip side, i say be direct and honest, there's no reason to pussy foot around (so to speak). if you're gay, tell him you're gay, and then it's up to him to see if he can deal with it or not.
we spend so much energy on intolerance and not enough on the friends who are genuinely our friends.
Wow, it is sad that there are some people like that out there. Hang in there.
Also, I've noticed that the overwhelming majority of gay bloggers I've chatted with use Macs.
I hate to so this Mike, but it sounds like you might lose him over this. As tough as that might be, you have to ask yourself if this friendship is worth it to hide who you really are. I think as you become more comfortable with yourself and come out to more people, you'll realize that it's probably not worth if you have to hide who you truly are.
This is the friend that lives in Mississippi right; the culture and beliefs in that part of the country are very different than other parts of the country. I know all about that, I grew up in Louisiana. The only gay people they know are the local hair dresser and the florist and that's because those are the only ones who are out in many parts of the rural south.
Give it some time and gently ease into it with him but also be prepared for the worst. Good luck.
Dude -- This is a big one. Believe me, I know this mentality realllllll well (from Memphis -- that should say it all). I agree, with the above poster - there is a good chance you may loose the friendship. Indivuals like this rarely change their opinions because they have been so ingrained by the culture they have been raised in. Also, I have found that people like this, are often dealing with homosexuality themselves on a certain level. The Matthew Shepard comment was just off-the-page, beyond-the-pale crazy. I could have handled the conversation until that. I think everyone reading this would know how to respond to him at that point. One thing I do have to offer with some authority is the age perspective. You are young and you have so many life experiences ahead of you. And with those experiences come new people. I know I can look back 15 years and I had friends that disappointed me terribly and it hurt like hell. But as you get older, you can look back on it and take it as a learning experience. You will meet SO many people that will love you for who you are, not accept you conditionally if you meet their expectations. I know this one is hard, but be prepared to let go if you have to and get ready to embrace whoever life brings in your path. And these people can be long term friends as well, and you will be richer for having them in your life. That has certainly been my experience. The ones that disappointed me, I still see from time to time, but they feel much more like old accquaintances rather than true friends. I don't know if this helps or not, but you definately have time on your side - and that is a good thing...One day you will look back on this from a 15 year perspective and thinks will look very different from there. And I think you will be very happy they do.
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