Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Date debrief


Hey guys, I have a feeling you're going to make a field day with this in your comments, and have at it. I am gathering my thoughts still, but would like a different perspective, thoughts, opinions, I need to vent.

So a few things before we begin...
This guy said he was the planner, had planned something, told the girls and work, and the girls said this was over the top for a first date. I have to agree. I don't know. It was really sweet and nice, but was it over the top? What comes after if this was the very first date? What about expectations?
- The date is 36
- 6'4'' and his profile on a4a said 210, but I'm guessing 240 as he had quite a beer belly- no offense- just observations- I could be wrong. I have a big thing for honesty.
- He lives at home because his parents are off traveling for a year, yet are at home right this minute
- He has 3 jobs and works close to 80 hours a week

He texts me all day and I text back. He has such good feelings about this, high expectations, ideas about how we are perfect. He jokes how he misses talking to me all day because I was at work and I mistakenly wrote back that if he married me he wouldn't have to worry because then he could support me. So he called me on his way home from work, told me how excited he was, told me how busy his day was, stuff like that. He told me I'd get a text an hour before with directions on what to do on the first date.

I get a text that his car will be parked at the Target at the end of the lot. There will be an envelope and I am to open it and follow the directions. The directions were as follows: there was a full page type written letter thanking me and telling me how much he enjoyed me, he put a $10 gift certificate in the envelope, told me to buy 3 things that reminded me of him. I was a little freaked out for a first date and he asked me if I was. I lied. Unfortunately. It was cute in a way, but in a way. I go in completely unsure what to buy. I decide on a picture frame, sticker lettering, and a Food Network Magazine because he likes to cook. The picture frame and stickers were because he likes to decorate and works at a home decor store. I sent him a pic of me during my hunt for 3 items because I thought it would be fun to put in the picture frame- IF THINGS WERE TO CONTINUE... OOPS?

I then drive over to the restaurant that he texted me we would meet at. I go in, then we hug. I notice there he is probably 30 pounds heavier than he says, and I am not one to judge. I know it is what is inside that counts. I figure he was 6'4'', 210, tall and skinny what the pics look like. Not the case. Oh well. We sit down and he has this weird smile that he had in his pictures that was sort of attractive, sort of weird. I know I was overcome by all of this. It was all just bizarre. The scavenger hunt was neat and creative, and I liked it, but I was still processing everything. I had debated, and almost knew he was going to be insistent on paying for everything, may have stuff up his sleeve. I knew he would probably give me something on the first date when he kept asking my favorite stores, and I toyed with the idea of getting him something, but didn't because that sets up expectations, the gift kind of overshadows the date, it sets up expectations. I toyed with paying for the stuff out of my own pocket as opposed to the gift card and giving that back. I debated texting The Guy, a blogger, or Gonzo for instant help.

Anyways, at dinner we talked about our day, we ordered. We then shared our items for each other. Here's what he got me: a Target recyclable Target shopping bag because it is one of my favorite stores, a candle that was pomegranate flavored and said "First Date January 19, 2009 Kelly and Mike and it had the restaurant name." This is the kind of stuff that makes you melt, maybe when you are official? That bothered me because it seemed to set up precedents. He also got me a little glass plaque that says "you make me smile." He went overboard, of course, with the label that he bedazzled for the candle, the gift bag, and the card that told me how I made him smile, how he is confident great things would come, and here's to a great beginning. He did hand me over his business card for his candle company after he gave me the candle? The letter he wrote and envelope were stationary from his business.

Hmm... after this the conversation still pretty much stayed on the surface- work, school, life, what I like to do for fun, how I am the class clown at school. He has a cute smile, which I kept noticing, by the way. I found out a lot about him like his 3rd job, his obsession with Ralph Lauren, his exes, and stuff like that. He didn't tell me about some things like his handicapped placard that he bragged about. He seemed pretty able to walk to me. I told him about my room since as we know, I seem to be missing out on the gay guy decorating gene. We are at the restaurant for 2 1/2 hours.

After dinner he asks if I want to go somewhere like for coffee. I mistakenly said sure. Driving over there I get a call and he suggests Target. I said sure. We go in and look at stuff in the home department and don't see much. Then we go to Starbucks inside and more babble about work, school, and stuff like that. I think I become more of an ass because the glass of wine from dinner had worn off. He asked if I was cold and I told him that I was, I'm always cold, then tell him how I love a hot house. Set the thermostat at 78 or above, and he was talking about being the opposite and liking cold rooms. Anyways, I insist on paying at Starbucks.

All I could think about driving home was I know why Max is friends with and likes this guy- older and he seems like he could easily be a sugar daddy and give me everything I want- but that's not what I want. I'm only kidding- I don't know the extent of their friendship, but I know Max likes his sugar daddies. OK, I'm getting mean, I'll stop. To each his own.

Was he just being overly ambitious for a first date?

I'm probably saying all of these oops and everything because my gut is just telling me no and it doesn't seem right, like he is the one.

I think when I talk to him tomorrow I am going to try to be a really big boy and say that "I had a nice time, but I really need to take a step back and just calm down. I think we are rushing into things, and while everything was really sweet, I was questioning a lot of things at home." I don't know...

5:39a.m. Update: I just logged onto a4a just because it is the thing to do when I'm getting ready in the morning and he is suddenly 6 years older. He is 42 instead of 36. I swear he was 36 yesterday.

12 comments:

Ryan O said...

It seems to me like the guy didnt really have much of a chance to begin with. You seemed to have doubts before you even met him, which isnt a good sign really. I can see whilst on the date itself, his gifts and wanting to pay may seema bit forward, but from his point of view, he is 36, has probably been round the block a few times, and so knows what he wants and doesnt see the need to play around. Buying you gifts is nice, and he was just having a bit of fun with the hunt, but if on your part that is too much, or the feeling isnt there, then you are doing the right thing by telling him right away.

Ry

Cash said...

Not gonna lie man, I would prob run.

My Time said...

Sorry man, I also would run

Anonymous said...

30 lbs extra, 6 more years and he's way over the top. Run the other way and don't look back.

-Todd

Bruce said...

Mike, as a 47 year old man that enjoys the company of younger men, I have to say it was creepy for a first date. You just don't give gifts on a first date, sorry. If you don't run as suggested, it will make for great blog entries, but don't sacrifice yourself for us. We can find other entertainment.

Anonymous said...

January 19, 2009? was it 2010?

Oh and run, don't walk away as fast as you can.

James said...

As an expert on the creepy when it comes to bf's/dates, I'm going to advise you to run and never look back.

Personally I don't abide lying at all, in any way shape and form. Lying is designed to get people to do what you want them to, instead of what they would want to do on their own. I assume you don't want to be manipulated into staying in this thing.

El Genio said...

For a first date that was way, WAY over the top. I don't even understand why someone would set themselves up to get hurt like that.

If he's lying/fudging about his age/weight, he could be doing the same with other things. Maybe his parents really are traveling for a year, but maybe he was still living there before they started traveling. You shouldn't feel obligated to get into anything you don't feel completely comfortable with.

nabiil said...

if there is a next date, check the freezer, may be you will find the parents,LOL.
seriously, the best option is to run.
I started reading your blog a year and a half ago, and I remember the first post I read, it was about a dangerous date in a hotel, take care

Closet said...

Well I'm mid 40's and was reading the post going WTF!
So it sent off some alarm bells. Nice of the guy to try and
impress you but bizarre sums it up. But I'm closeted too, what do I know about a legit date.

Aek said...

I think everything's already been said. It'd be best to take a step back and extract yourself from this situation as gracefully and tactfully as possible.

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Thanks