Friday, March 12, 2010

A few things I've learned about friends

Matt, over at Debriefing the Boys recently made a post that struck a chord with me. He posts about his amazing friends, and I have to give him credit for writing it, but I could have easily written that about how I feel about my friends. His post has had me thinking about conversations I've had with people such as friends, my therapist, and things like that. I wanted to post some "random thoughts" about friendship or friends:

I tend to place a lot of value on my friends because they are there to listen. Sometimes it is easier to tell them things or ask them things I wouldn't ask my parents.

You cannot be everything for your friends and fulfill everything for them and fulfill all their needs (physical, emotional, sexual etc.)- if you were, that would be boring, that's why friends are unique.

Every friend has something unique and valuable to offer. I go to The Guy for advice and that big brother I need. I go to Gonzo and my coworkers just for random stuff- chat about the day, work, school, and things like that. Gonzo and I have a lot of similar experiences and we understand each others situation well. Viv and I both have a rebel personality at times and we're both constantly challenging and trying new things, as well as speaking our minds. I value many of my blog friendships in the same way who you are, and what you provide to me, and in some cases, it is just a listening ear. I hope that I've reciprocated and been able to be there for you guys.

Matt has posed the following question, and I commented on his blog about it, but it is still swirling in my mind:

Do I continue investing all of this energy in them, the energy that they all put into their boyfriends and not into me? Do I cut them loose, because this is ultimately a waste of time if my goal is to find lasting love? I'm sure the answer is something in between. But how do I find the correct path?

Here's the comment I left on Matt's blog, and additional commentary...

My friend The Guy (the guy I always blog about) always says that he is in his 30s and friendships last a long time, where relationships may not. It is the incredibly dynamic relationships you have with your friends that are long lasting and unique that is what has gotten him through his hardest days.

I feel at times in my rather limited dating experience I need to balance friends and dates. Most of my dates have been failures. Friends are the ones who are there to listen, build me back up, still love me regardless, and that's so important since dates won't. I have a great variety of friends- 2 to 3 very close friends, several not so close friends and acquaintances that make things more interesting, and have something I value. I am thankful and try to show my thankfulness in meaningful ways.


Anonymous said...

rather than think of friends as a set of people, maybe it would be healthier to regard them as separate unique individuals. There are no rules with which to define friends. No one person is able to fulfill the classification called friends. And the chemistry between two people is different for every pairing.

If you have to make a definition of friends, I would say that these are people that are not family or lovers/husbands. So they relate to you in contrast to those more intimate relationships by bond of blood or by bond of the physical pleasures.

Other than that, friends are a vast array of individuals who can bring a multitude of things to your life, good and bad.

But to define friends by their roles in your life, what they should do for you or what you should do for them, is basically building an ideal that people eventually cannot live up to.

Just a thought.

Phunk Factor said...

I agree with 'The Guy', when relationships run into rocky path a friend can not only be a really good listener, but can also give really good advice..and if ur and ur boyfriend, share a friend...he can often be the mediator!!!