Paranoia about excuses continues

I've blogged about this before, but I'm getting uncomfortable about it again. We know that I don't exactly tell my parents the truth when I'm going out. I'll say I'm going to hang out with Steve or Mike or something along those lines.

Last Friday night I told my parents I was going over to Steve's (codename for The Guy). I didn't call and tell my parents I was spending the night. It was 1:30a.m. when I was asked to stay the night and I figured everyone would be asleep. I just figured I'd call my dad Saturday morning and tell him I stayed the night because it was late. He said he figured and had no problem with it. My mom seemed a little more resilient to the fact that I spent the night at a friend's house, but she said it was probably better that I did because it was raining and foggy Friday night.

Saturday and Sunday I was out with The Guy, or Steve.

Last night I went over to The Guy's house. We had just finished dinner at home and I sort of lied and said I'm going out with Melissa to Panera for dinner and to talk. I said I'd be home late. My mom responded with "which girlfriend is that?" I explained how I knew Melissa and left it at that. I got home at 11:15 after everyone was in bed. My dad asked me this afternoon if I had a good time at dinner and said that there must have been other things going on for dinner to take 4 hours. I said it was fine, we just sat around talking. He knows I wasn't doing exactly what I said and I can accept that. As I've said before he'll be the parent who is more accepting of my orientation. He also knows my mother and her worry, which is why I make excuses.

Tonight I'm going out to dinner with Gonzo at 8:30 or 9p.m. I called my dad on the way home from school and told him I'm going out with Gonzo. He laughed and said ok. He said that's a bit late, but he was joking. My mom said, "oh, so now it is your girlfriend Gonzo tonight" and made fun of me because I'm going to eat 2 dinners. I ate a small dinner- just some of the meat we had for dinner and will eat a full meal when Gonzo and I go out.

My going out as I have mentioned before has been a perpetual thing since March/April of this year, so my parents should be used to it more or less. I just get tired of lying, worrying my parents will find out that I'm lying about where I'm going and that they'll lose trust in me. I hate the fact that I'm so "open" about where I'm going with my parents and check in with them and tell them what's going on. I get worried that I'll have to one day explain a lie and then come out to my parents. I try to avoid this by saying I am going to a male friend's house (Steve and Steve does live over near The Guy), so this helps me sort of justify everything if I were to get into an accident or something going or coming home. I think by now my parents are used to the fact when I say "I'm going out," it'll be 10:30 or 11 before I get home. I get the feeling my parents think I'm out doing other things like having sex or other things like that. While that is not far from the truth, I hate it because my mom teaches health, my mom's religious stance, and stuff like that. It just makes me feel uneasy having to lie and not telling the truth.

I hate the fact I am over 18, but am still bound to home in so many ways.