Finding out about each other

Since Gonzo has found out about my bisexuality, our relationship has changed. We were close before, but now we're even closer and are talking about things like sex.

Met her at Jack in the Box tonight for dinner at 9p.m. We talked about why I was so ticked off when she pulled up and she saw me really upset in the car talking to The Guy on the phone about my computer and my dad.

Anyways, we got our orders and the first thing she wanted to know about was what I have done with The Guy. I texted her the other night telling her I was with him, but didn't give details. I said we ate and hung out playing computer games. She asked if there was more. I said yes. There was kissing, making out, and that was about it. She accepted that response.

The conversation then detoured to cute guys and do I think I'm really bisexual, confused, or what. I said no, bisexual. If you guys don't recall my purpose of telling her bisexual is because she knows several of my friends and so it was done for safety reasons. I know however now, I could definitely trust her to keep it a secret. Maybe when time changes I'll tell her I'm gay. She says for now she'll accept I'm bisexual because I haven't really explored with women.

She asked who knows out of my friends and I said she was the first. She was happy that she was the first person I told. She wanted to know why I haven't told other friends and if they'd be alright. I told her which ones would be alright and which ones wouldn't- she pretty much agreed. She asked if my parents knew and I said NO. I said my dad would probably be ok with it, but my mom wouldn't. She was surprised and thought it would be the other way around because she sees what a loving person my mom is. That is quite true, but then there is the whole Christianity issue which was Gonzo's next question. She said she understands and is surprised. She said her parents would pretty much be ok with it, but it would take time. I told her when I might consider coming out and stuff like that. She asked if I felt constrained because my parents don't know. I told her how I've lied and I explained my excuses. She said that she does that too and completely understands. She asked what if I found myself in a relationship how I'd handle it since my parents don't know. I told her I'd play it by ear and probably continue hiding it. I hide The Guy pretty well as it is; while we're not dating I'm constantly making up excuses about going over to his place and am on the phone with him a lot.

She then asked me how far I'd gone with a guy and I said kissing. She said I know you've done more since you've spent the night at The Guy's house, which she found out Saturday morning when I didn't text her and tell her what I was doing with The Guy. I wanted her to know I spent the night though, so it was all in the plan. (None of this stuff did occur this past weekend, though, for those of you keeping track- I don't want everything to sound like a contradiction).

She said she'd tell me what she has donee with her boyfriend and stuff like that if I'd say what I'd done. She has never done anal/vaginal with her boyfriend because she is scared, but they have done other things. So then I opened up and said I've made out and fondled, jacked off, etc. with The Guy. I never mentioned oral. I didn't say I've done anal or any of that because that would be quite a step in just a week. She asked if I would do anal with The Guy and I said I could see myself doing it with him because I feel comfortable with him and I feel a connection, which is what is very important to me. I don't want to be having anonymous, random sex. We talked about my first kiss with a guy and I was drawing a blank. I knew The Guy was not my first kiss, and for the record, it was January 13, 2007 with a kid at my college.

From there, we talked about her job at the fitness center. She told me about a fight between a salesperson and a trainer at the gym tonight where police were called. I wanted to know which trainer, but she wouldn't tell me. I'll find out sooner or later, though. We showed each other pictures on our phones and talked about school, kissing up to teachers, stuff like that.

All in all a good evening. I learned a lot- about a different side of Gonzo I never saw. I never knew she had done what she has with her boyfriend.