I got my gay self out of bed this morning

This morning could have started off as the loveliest of mornings. I had the opportunity to sleep in until 8:10. I slept soundly through the night until 5:55 when my mom was standing in the hallway talking to my dad in the bathroom across from my bedroom, thus waking me up. I laid in bed until 6:30, then got up to use the bathroom.

Sister, Ms. Night Owl, who was probably woken up or something screeched "you finally got your gay butt out of bed." I retorted. "Yes, my gay ass is up AND moving, which is more than you can say." She was laying on the couch reading a book. She told me how I'm such a bad person and she's going to call my mom and dad for cussing. I told her to please do that. Please. They would love her interruption. Mom would especially appreciate it because she's in the car, with her new cell phone, there will probably be some confusion on mom's end trying to figure out how to use the cell phone and make sure her Bluetooth is working. Mom probably wouldn't be the best one to call. I informed her that if she keeps up she was going to hear a lot worse language. And what's mom going to do? Slap my wrist? Tell me I am a potty mouth?

I do my business and yell "FUCK", then walk out and she replies "you are so girly, you got so offended when I called you gay, you are always using your hands when you talk, you always like clothes, and shoes" I said I think she's a "piece of shit for starting in on this so early, something that had nothing for me to do with going to the bathroom, and that I can like whatever I like regardless. I know lots of guys who like this sort of stuff." I pointed out to her the term was "metrosexual" and that my ass isn't offended that it was called gay. She said well, it is apart of me. I told her that's nice- my brain and other parts weren't included. She seemed defeated, so my gay ass, arms, legs, and whatever else returned to lay in bed until 8:10.

UPDATE: I reemerge at 8:15 and she lectures me on stupid people. I'm stupid because I'm walking around so femininely preparing breakfast. Um... I walked to the refrigerator, then microwave, then got a plate, poured me some apple cider. I ignored it and sat there eating my breakfast, watching the Early Show on CBS completely ignoring her. As I am drinking she says, "I bet you're going to burp now," or "I bet you're going to take a bite now," or "you're gay now." WTF?