Friendship Maintenance and Mike's Maintenance

I have been a wreck this week, especially emotionally. Without going into details as to why, I was very irrational and said a lot of things I didn't mean.

The first event happened Monday and after spending Tuesday afternoon with The Guy I felt better. Tuesday night I began feeling like I was a bother to The Guy. Part of that was me being upset over the event that happened Monday, which had nothing to to with The Guy. The Guy just didn't seem like he was happy having me around. I wrote an angry letter to him telling him how I felt about that and how I was uncomfortable with things the way they were. I get a call Wednesday morning at 7:15 from him because he didn't want to write a long letter back. He said that he understood my concerns and he has no problem giving me the answers I want.

Thursday morning there was a repeat of the event on Monday that had me upset and on edge. I chatted with The Guy Thursday morning after the event happened and he had some ideas to help calm me down and I did what I could to help that situation. I called my parents and they agreed The Guy had good advice and he was able to let me know about this because is dad had this done at their business. The Guy told me he had to go to the nutritionist, the housecleaners were coming Thursday night, and he was going to a class at the gym his trainer wanted him to go to.

Friday afternoon The Guy and I were chatting on IM. I mentioned to him that I was horny and he told me to go find someone on craigslist. I told him I didn't appreciate that comment because part of the reason I enjoy hanging out with him is because he is not a random guy, I trust him, so I don't feel guilty having sex with him because he is not a random guy. He apologized over IM, then called. I was not going to pick up the phone as to give him time to stew over the issue, but I relented and picked up the phone. He apologized and said he thought he could joke with me. I reminded him about why he called at 7:15 the other morning and asked him if he forgot. I said getting horny was a big feat, especially after all of the stress and anxiety from this week. He ended up talking to me and we both got off on the phone talking about what we like to do to each other in bed.

The Guy called me after we cummed and he cleaned up. He asked if I wanted to come over and I told him no. He questioned why and I explained I felt like a bother. He said he wanted to talk, so come over.

I drove over about 7p.m. and he was playing WOW. I just sat there calming down over the incident from Thursday because it was still fresh in my mind as I was dealing with all of the family ramifications that followed. I hid my eyes in my hand and began trying to calm down. The Guy noticed something was wrong and asked what was wrong. I told him all of the problems and he was shocked, and saw why I was so nervous, bitchy, and whatever else. We talked and he tried to reassure me. He told me I was going to stay at his house last night to actually get some sleep. I hadn't slept more than 4-5 hours in the past 2 days.

I asked him to hold me and I laid in his arms there on the couch. He told me a story about how a few years back someone painted his patio wall red and wrote "faggot" and "gays should leave," then left a handwritten note on his patio how horrified he was, how his dad stayed with him, and how he couldn't sleep for weeks, how he would sleep during the day and take cat naps, but like me couldn't sleep at night. We talked some more and I told him how my parents were dealing with the situation and how they were both as on edge as I was and getting as little sleep as I was. He completely understood. We go in bed and lay down. He is chatting with his friend Robbie who is also having a problem and texting him. He sends him a few texts, then falls asleep. I lay most of the night.

I think it is probably 10a.m., but is really only 6 or 7a.m. The Guy gets up to use the bathroom. He comes back and lays down. I'm surprised he didn't go to work, but didn't question him. About an hour later he gets up and says "oh shit, I overslept, I'm late for work." He asks if I'm going to stay or if I'm going to take off. I said I'm going to stay and get some sleep. He says ok. I slept for about 30 minutes after he left, took his dog for a walk around the park because he asked me to, then go back to his house and fall right asleep. About 11a.m. I hear the door open and The Guy's house alarm makes a buzz to let you know someone opened the door. I screamed and The Guy yelled "hello." I am really on edge and The Guy laughs at me for that.

He asks if he can have the afternoon alone and I said sure. The Guy goes to his refrigerator looking for food and asks if I had eaten. I said no. He asked when the last time was I had eaten. I told him Thursday night. I asked how he noticed and he told me I didn't even have a courtesy nibble when he was cooking his pork chop and potatoes as a snack last night. I laughed and said I wasn't hungry then. The Guy asks me what I want and I tell him nothing. He said he is going to fix me something. He asks what I want and I said nothing. He gets out mini wheats and pours them for me. I said no thanks. He asked if I wanted eggs, pasta, pork chops, or what. I said nothing, that I would eat when I get home. I pick up my laptop to leave and The Guy is blocking the entrance to the kitchen. I was using his name, telling him no, no, I wasn't hungry. I was laughing throughout this because I felt sleep deprived and The Guy pointed that out. I handle stressful situations by laughing sometimes. The Guy gave me some of that M13 juice as showed below in the smoothie recipe I posted, and he told me to drink that to get 150 calories in me. I laughed and told him no. He kept saying "drink your juice, Shelby," in reference to "Steel Magnolias." The Guy said he wasn't letting me leave until I ate. I said to not worry about me, I know you have things to do. He went on telling me how his priority was me and I'm one of his good friends and he is hurt because I'm hurting myself. He explained how I have practically no body fat and so all of my muscle that I have is being eaten away by my body because I'm hungry, and he knows I'm in a stressful situation, but that I have to eat anything regardless of how many calories or how fattening it is. He said he was taking me with him to CVS or the Farmer's Market.

We go to the Farmer's Market. On the way, The Guy is playing 20 questions asking me what I want- Yum Yum, Subway, Mexican, Quiznos, McDonalds, In-N-Out, and I just said no, I'm fine. I repeated "The Guy, I'm fine!" He said the next time I say I'm fine he's going to bitch slap me. He asked if I wanted some random thing and I said no, I'm fine. He stops the car and bitch slaps me. Yes. He called his friend Dan, whom he plays computer games with and The Guy told him what happened with me and he was sympathetic toward my situation and said The Guy was doing good by feeding me. At the Farmer's Market I said I could probably stomach string cheese, so we get that. The Guy gets teas, smoothie bases, and yogurt. We also get me chicken noodle soup. Coming back The Guy calls Dan and tells him how we're feeding me chicken noodle soup and then Dan talks about how he has had a hard time also, but how he is not letting his feelings get in the way from eating, and how he is not dwelling on the issue, which is what I was doing, and that was preventing me from eating.

The Guy fixes my soup and I stand at the breakfast nook while he watches me. I laugh and he tells me to come in the office and he'll play WOW while I eat. I finish eating and say I'm going to leave. The Guy says no I'm not because he can tell I'm still upset. I said I was fine. He said no. We went in the living room and watched 2 episodes of "Law and Order." I was wanting to leave and kept telling The Guy I would leave and I was fine. He said no. I am not leaving and he took my car keys from me. He said usually I enjoy hanging around him, but I told him I didn't want to. He asked why I needed to get home and told him there was no reason. He said I can just cool down there, plus he had to call Dan at 2:30p.m. to wake him up. I remind him at 2:30 to do that and he tells Dan that we have fed me. Dan was glad and told me how he is here for me if I want to chat. The Guy asked if my mom was home a couple times and that

The Guy tells me to sit down and we'll watch some "Arrested Development." I turn that on and we laugh and talk for a while. The Guy sees me hiding my head at the end of the 2 episodes. He stops playing and we talk. He asks why I'm still upset and rehashing this. The Guy told me I'm basically so sleep deprived that I'm not making sense, not listening to him, and said something about how it was like he was playing racquetball with my head. Who knows... I will admit I was so upset and worked up and mad and hurt that I was difficult. I apologized to The Guy for how difficult I've been this past week and he said I wasn't difficult and he knows why I'm having such a hard time, but how the worry is consuming me and that is bad. All of my reasons are justified, let me assure you; nonetheless he is right. We talk and I said the reason I was also upset was because I'm worried about losing The Guy. I talk to him about all of my problems because I can trust him, because he is a friend. I just feel like I'm asking for too much right now, and he tells me how he is actually upset that I feel this way toward him. He told me that I shouldn't think that at all. He thinks of our friendship as a 2 way street. I do stuff for him and he does stuff for me. He asks me to go places for him on my way over, I help him out that way; if it were feasible for him to come over, hang out at my place, and I asked him to do that stuff, he would do it in a heartbeat. He helps me out with problems like this and is here for me, and one day he will want me to be there like this for him like if his dog dies or something. He has a good life and he is glad I'm in it. He said I wasn't a bother at all. He works 3 days a week, he spends all day at home alone with his dog, he plays tennis with his parents, then they feed him breakfast afterward, he plays computer games all day, he is glad I'm in the picture and he doesn't want to lose me and doesn't want me to feel this way. I told him that with things that have occurred over the past few months in my life I was really worried about losing him and he assured me that is not going to happen. Him or I may find a boyfriend, but we will still be friends, and he will be there at 2a.m. for me, like I am for him. We hugged for a good minute or so and it felt good that we were both on the same page.

We watched 2 episodes of "Sex and the City" where we both laughed, talked, and smiled at each other. It was such a relief. Afterward, he said he was going to take a nap, we hugged, and I took off. Him and I have been chatting on AIM tonight and things are pretty much back to normal, minus the fact I'm still exhausted, and he is here for me.