Thursday, June 18, 2009

Next level

These past few days I've been wondering if I'm ready to take it to the next level with Chris. Boyfriends?

I know what I need to about him- his family life, education, enjoy his company, can have meaningful convos with him. We've known each other for a little over a month.

Some of my concerns:
- He's not ready (still dealing with divorce, newly single, still adjusting to his new outness)
- He's not looking for this (new outness)
- Losing his friendship (he's an amusing guy and I think we have a lot of similar views)

So how to approach it? I don't want to screw it up our friendship. I don't know when to ask.

So do I say something, like say at dinner, or if we're sitting there on the couch like this:
1 - Chris, I really like you, I think you're a great guy, and I'm interested in getting to know you better. Would you be my boyfriend? - Cheesy?
2 - I don't want you to take this the wrong way, and I don't want to lose your friendship if you say no, but I really like you and would like to be your boyfriend? - Too bold? Too soon?
3 - I feel we're both at similar points in our lives as far as outness and we come from similar backgrounds. I have a lot of fun around you. I know this is probably asking a lot, but would you be my boyfriend?

I feel like I'm being bold and doing something I normally wouldn't do (be the one to ask), but I feel tempted.

... but then again why ruin whatever is there?


Anonymous said...

In this situation only you can decide what to do about Chris, because you are the only one that knows all the facts. From the nice things you have said about Chris it all seems plausible. However, because he is still coming to terms with his sexuality, getting a divorce, and has a small child it might be best not to rush things. Chris already has a full plate psychologically. Why not wait another month? In the mean time make your relationship a high priority, figure out what Chris’ needs are and do your best to meet them. Try to accomplish that without appearing too needy or abnormally attached. Pursue him but also let him pursue you sometimes.

Joe said...

I like the comments from Anonymous. I know you have feelings for Chris, and that is awesome! Only you can truly know if it is the right time to take that next step.

I know from our conversations that it seems Chris likes you as well. He has let you into his life and what's going on with it. I doubt he lets others in on the same level.

I agree with giving it a bit more time. Pursue him, but let him pursue you as well. Can be fun.

I have no doubt that it will all work out. I am excited for you.

Bruce said...

I agree with both previous posts, I think it's too soon and Chris has too much going on in his life at the moment. Give it some more time and best of luck whatever you decide.

Aek said...

The others have already said it. While I think you should make a bold move and ask him, it might be best to wait just a little bit. Give it a month or so, see how things settle, get to know him a little more, then make your move. If you don't, what's the likelihood that he'll initiate?