Just posting this message since it ticked me off. I told Carl we could go to Disneyland for his birthday in mid-April. My art professor told everyone on Monday we have to go to a mandatory art show in Hollywood on that Saturday. I called Carl and apologized, asked if we could reschedule and I'd make it up to him. My offer is still open, and he knows this. I'm not sure, though, after this message whether to rescind it. He is just a little too much to handle at times, and this, this pisses me off... whatever... at least he is honest and open with me? And, well, this isn't the first scathing message I have received like this about me not being a good friend or something.
Do I really need friends like this???
I could write a scathing email to him and say forget it- I don't need friends like him.
He responded with this:
after today (unless I win at Bingo or get good tips tonight) my cell phone will be shut off. for this month (unfortunately) I cannot pay my cell bill, which is around $50.00
so- if you need to talk to me, you will need to call me on the house phone. Like I said before, we screen the calls at the house, so if you call, you will have to start leaving a vlicemail, and if I hear it's you I will pick up. Otherwise, you can message me here on MySpace, or whatever.
I got your voicemail today though, I didn't answer because I was taking a nap when you called. I enjoyed your enthusiasm during the voicemail, however early this morning I wrote you a very long MySpace message which I eventually deleted and decided NOT to send.
It expressed my sadness about my Birthday, and other things, but the whole message was too negative, so I didn't bother to send it. Basically, I'm now interested in spending my Birthday alone! After the shit with your professor, and having to cancel going to Disneyland, I just became uninterested in anything involving my birthday. I'll be 30 years old (if that isn't already DEPRESSING enough!) and I really have nothing to show for my life! Before my Mother died, I had it all! A car, an apartment, alot of friends, a social life, my own business, around $3000/mo income, etc. I was happy!
Now? No car, no money, no friends, no home, no work/income, and no Mom. I feel like I am being punished.
There are few things I ask for in life! There isn't much that excites me anymore, especially this last year. You have both of your parents still alive, so I know you cannot relate to how I am feeling, you can only imagine. Disneyland was something that excited me. I grew up a Disney Kid! My Mom always took me, and it's been over 10 years since I've been. I was really looking forward to going, and especially with you!
I don't have many people out here in California to be around, or hang out with. It's just you and Lisa! And, being single for over the last 3 years- you are someone who I look forward to for companionship! Yes, I am attracted to you, as you know. However, I don't know where you stand! We've been going to the club together, and it seems THERE you are interested in me, but only there! Once we're on our way home, you don't choose to come in to my house. My attraction to you is basically simple. I'm intersted in you in a multiple amount of ways, and enjoy everything with you. Hanging out, being close, being intimate, having fun, and anything else in general WITHOUT having to worry about a commitment, or anything like that (unless we were ready).. I just enjoyed the fact that we could be who we were around each other, and simply accept it and enjoy each other in that capacity. I can't say I wouldn't want to be your boyfriend, I don't think it's important right now. I still have yet to establish myself out here in California (my own place, car, a JOB, money to spend) and once I have that, I'd be comfortable wanting more from you (or any guy who is interested in being with me). With you! I just genuinely accept that we are compatible in many ways, and just accept the fact that we enjoy being around each other, whether we have sex or not, or whether we are intimate or not, or whether we are in a relationship or not, etc. I like that!
However, you are starting to confuse me! You mention us going to the club tomorrow because you enjoy it, and you want me to go tomorrow. then when tomorrow comes, you can't go because your dog has a flea, or your professor wants you to go to Denny's because he is going to Quiz you on the menu? LOL I'm trying to be humerous, but honestly, that's what happens! I look forward to something, then last minute- something changes! Then I'm stuck at home doing nothing. So fuck you.
I should just DELETE this message too, so full of negativity! I'm sorry! I think you know what kind of year I've been having, so it's understandable. This is NEW territory for me as well! I'm not used to being so sad all the time! I've NEVER been in this kind of situation before! I've never been single for SO LONG, I've never been BROKE, I've never spent so much time AT HOME, or ALONE before! I've always had dozens of friends at my beckon-call..
anyway..
I'm going to Bingo in a bit, so I got to get ready.
As far as the club goes tomorrow. My cell will be off, so you have to call my home number. If you want to go, then you can call me and let me know. I have NOTHING PLANNED as usual! LOL I'm also broke, so if you want to be my SUGAR DADDY tomorrow night and sweep me away- it's your call. Honestly, it would be nice to see you before we go out, or you stay the night with me afterwards. Call me horny, or just a guy who likes being with you and spending intimate moments with you (just hanging out,or more, or whatever) it's that closeness that I desire because I am lonely and don't have anyone to do that with.
Anyway- I'm not an optimist right now! Everything is SO PREDICTABLE anymore! No one goes out of their way for me anymore, to shock me or surprise me like all my friends in Baltimore used to do.. Man, those were adventures! Surprise Atlantic City trips. Surprise birthday parties. Spur of the moment trips, nights out on the town where my friends came over, dragged me out of bed and we all forced me to go out! Surprise visits! I really miss my Mom! I miss Baltimore!
geez!
anyway-
Notice the full moon? No beach again this month!
life isn't beautiful anymore!
I'm going to get ready for Bingo! Wish me luck getting tips! maybe I can keep my cell phone on if I get enough!
bye..
Carl..
7 comments:
o_O? Seriously?! It sounds like he has issues that you do NOT need to deal with right now.
What a downer...
Mike - I received your comment and replied to it. Now to Carl's e-mail. It's clear Carl is a very unhappy man. To read his letter and realize he is 30 is shocking - he is very immature. I also think he is very attracted to you and is frustrated about that since you haven't "decided" if you are straight or gay. Plus you ruined his Birthday at DisneyLand. So, he has isolated himself in him home with his cell phone off and his landline phone going unanswered. He is testing you to see what lenghts you will you through to contact him, proving how much you need him. Any man whose life and income revolve around Bingo is a man for whom I would turn off MY cell phone. A sad, pathetic letter you should - push "delete" and forget.
Regards - Kyle
Hey Kyle,
Carl is an interesting subject to say the least. Immature for his age? Yes. You'd think he'd have more restrain as he is a former military guy. He is in my Spanish classes at school and he came out to me several months back. Since then we've hung out going out to eat or going to a club. I know I'm gay, have accepted it, and am out to good friends. I am not out to my mom however. Would I have a relationship with Carl or anything like he suggests? No. First, his actions like this are a complete turnoff. Two, he is not established in Cali with no job, Bingo/gambling is his "thing." I've tried to be friendly, be a friend, but it is difficult. Right now I'm thinking I will just not contact him. I dunno.
Just a warning, do not go to KYLE DEVIN's site at work, but by all means DO GO!!! Holy Crap that is a beautiful man. I can see how he makes very good money in his "line of work". I might have to ask him if he ever makes it out to LA, it would be worth every penny. Hey Mike, maybe you could suggest to Carl he try Kyles profession. It would satisfy many of his issues; money, loneliness, boardom, etc.
Honestly Mike, it depends on how much drama you're willing to deal with in continuing this friendship with Carl. Since you haven't known him very long, it could be that he is just in a rough patch and that things will get better. But it also could be that he is one of those people who live for the drama they create and surround themselves with it constantly, your typical "Drama Queen".
He's giving you a guilt-trip. Words of a desperate, confused and lonely man.
Wow! What can you say about that message. Honestly, your best bet is to walk away. I understand if you may want to be there for him, but he is going to need more than just a shoulder to lean on.
If you're willing to put in the time and effort, then by all means, but honestly, you are on your own journey. You are still figuring yourself out! How are you supposed to do that when you are always going to help him figure things out.
I honestly think he's selfish for asking his help to set up his life when you are in the process of setting up yours.
This is just my opinion, I may be wrong, but that's just how I see things.
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