What I told Carl

I was able to restrain myself and not write a fuming e-mail back to Carl. My method of dealing was storming around for a while after I received it, then thinking about how I have been there for him, then just ignoring it because a lot of it is his issues and not mine. I spent the day contemplating whether or not I need his friendship and reading your comments.

I have done everything for him that I possibly can. I was more than willing to rearrange the Disney trip and do it a different day. I offered alternatives. I'd take him out to dinner instead at PF Changs, his favorite restaurant.

I did call him this morning just because I was going to see if he wanted to bury the hatchet and he left me a myspace message. Here's what he said I'm coming onto him showing I want a sexual relationship because of how we dance at the bar so closely. I then shy away. I haven't slept with him, so I'm sending mixed signals. I am always never able to talk to him despite how compatible we are. I always say I'll do something, like Disneyland, then I turn around with my big fuck you face and say no, oh, I have to change my plans because my hamster died or something like that.

I told him that I didn't mean to send mixed signals, I thought we were just dancing having a good time. I apologize. I told him with the whole Disneyland thing there should be no issue since I am still willing, just a different day. He disagreed saying that everything has to happen on his birthday and there is no compromise.

He told me that we're so compatible because we're going through so many struggles, we like the same type of guys, doing the same things, and we can complement each other in our school work. In response to compatiblity I said I could see how he sees that, but I think there is much more to it. I told him I think we could be friends, but we need to have boundaries, define what we want out of this, and it may help. Basically he wants me to be his everything- boyfriend, rescuer, savior, and I have my life planned out, so I am set. Um. No. That was really not cool and I encouraged him to talk to some of the other guys in our Spanish class like Florentino who is a lot like him, I think, and get out to meet people. He has fallen for me because I'm everything he wants: tall, skinny, have that nerd side to me, caring, like older guys, and I'm career oriented. He likes to gamble/go to bingo, watch movies, play with animals and cook. Has he cooked for me? A random aside... no. His astrological signs say we are compatible. I told him that we could be friends, but he is asking too much out of me and it is just creating resentment on my end. I told him I could have easily written him back with something even more snide and scathing, but I wasn't going to do that. I said that I'm not his everything. I can be a friend. I can be a voice to listen and give advice. I'm not going to use him, let him use me, or try to play my emotions like that. I can be no more. I felt it was important to say he was a nice looking guy, but he was not my type to define boundaries and make it clear I'm not interested in him sexually. I think we're pretty much done. He seemed bitter.

I think it is for the better on my end.