It has been 3 weeks since my grandma died, but I'm still hurting. The feelings I was feeling back then were much of shock and a lot of hurt from what my aunt had done. I had a hard time crying and opening up at first. Now the hurt isn't so much my grandma has gone, it is the hurt, the pain, that my aunt has caused since then.
The weeks that have followed have been extremely difficult because of all the hurdles and stupid things my aunt has done. We are involved in a nasty court battle with her. She is a despicable human being. I cannot believe it. I guess this is where my stress, tears, and worry all come in. It is expensive for the lawyer, which is causing a lot of stress/financial hardship that I constantly hear about. My aunt continues to take stuff out on me and that hurts. I try to not show it- I just ignore it. All of this is taking a toll on me. How many more fucking times can my aunt say something to further hurt me? I know- try to stop her- ignore her- but it never works out and still seeps down in my skin. Some days I get in the car and just want to cry, and do. I feel like I can truly cry here and not feel bad about it. It is where I am alone and for whatever reason the tears come so freely. I'm sure these are tears from the anxiety/worry/stress, but it is tough. I have so few people to talk to (other than a therapist and the 2 people I have told about the drama). I don't have The Guy or others to really talk to. The weekends, like this one, are tough where we have no plans. I love the time away free with friends and when I am not home because everything ceases- no drama- just relaxation and not thinking about the issue.
3 comments:
:-( *HUGS*
A lot of people seem to be going through a rough time, and you're certainly not immune to this. You know we're here for you if you want to talk to us. You know the rest of your family (and much of your extended family?) are behind you against your aunt.
I don't know exactly what she's done and why she's singling you out specifically, but that's something that has to be dealt with.
I wish you the best. It's good to hang out with friends and just leave the drama behind - if only temporarily. Do what you need to keep sane.
The only thing I can say is that I wish I had you here in person to hug and to talk to. Maybe get you out to somewhere to forget about all this shit.
I'm really sorry you're getting this right now Mike, I really am.
A) your human! yea for you
B) your dwelling, ruminating and for good reason.
I do the same thing. Now, I'm bad at it, but i've found some stuff that helps. You have a therapist, sounds like a good time to go check in with them.
I hope you find a way to cope with this awful time, sorry MIke!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm thinking about you.
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