Merry Christmas!!!
I wanted to share my family's Christmas tradition with you to see if anyone does the same thing as this dominated much of my bf's and my conversations this week:
CHRISTMAS EVE, DECEMBER 24
1. We bake tons of Christmas cookies.
2. We have a big nice dinner on Christmas Eve that my dad preps. Usually it is steaks or a rib eye roast.
3. After my dad cooks dinner we clean up, then get ready to open gifts.
4. My mom is usually insistent we sing a Christmas carol or two before opening up gifts. I mouth them. That's not something I enjoy. Put the holiday station on in the back and I'm good.
MY BF thought this was the weirdest thing and none of the people he talked to had ever heard of such a thing. He questioned everyone we met if they did that, and the response was overwhelmingly no, what planet are you from>
5. We open up gifts on CHRISTMAS EVE. It is something we have always done- my mom has done it - her mom talked about the tradition starting back in the 1930s when her husband proposed to her on Christmas Eve. My dad's side of the family does it too- a Roman Catholic family. My best friend does it too as it is a German tradition.
Does anyone else do this?! I can think of probably 10 people I know who open all of their gifts Christmas Eve and then get stockings/pajamas etc. the next day on Christmas Day. Some people I know get a small gift on Christmas Eve, then they open up everything the next day, which my BF thinks is normal. These are all of the family gifts after all that we have bought for each other, so it seems appropriate, then the "Santa gifts" are for Christmas Day. My question is when things are wrapped and under the tree prior to Christmas, how are they from Santa?
6. We get stockings every year and it is full of gift certificates, candies, Life Savers, even though Santa is not real, my parents fill them.
7. We only have stockings and maybe 1 leftover present for Christmas day since of course Santa is not real.
8. My dad makes a nice breakfast or we snack on candy and cookies before going to the relatives.
Showing posts with label Grandma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Grandma. Show all posts
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
The ultimate Mike playlist of the moment
My favorite songs at the moment... some old and some new... take a listen and download
Only the LIVE version is great... the other is alright, but this one is beautiful
only the live version... it just has such a different sound that I love
A country song my grandma used to sing to me that I just heard on Pandora recently after years and years
Another great country song my grandma used to sing to me
Only the LIVE version is great... the other is alright, but this one is beautiful
only the live version... it just has such a different sound that I love
A country song my grandma used to sing to me that I just heard on Pandora recently after years and years
Another great country song my grandma used to sing to me
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Clean up
The Guy and I had talked several times this week via phone and text. He called me Wed, Thurs, and I called him Friday a couple times. We agreed to met up at 6 after he got out of the doctor.
I get to The Guy's at 5:50 as he is in the shower. I made great timing considering it was get away Friday, and holiday traffic. I hang out in the office on the couch while he showers. When he gets out he showed me why he went to the doctor. He has a form of psoriasis he was trying to get cleared up. He told me this was like a maintenance visit to the doctor since he was getting all of his problems cleaned up and taken care of. All evening The Guy was incessantly putting cream on his spots and telling me how much they had gone down already- it was funny. We talked about how great his house looked since he had his house cleaned yesterday.
We hang out in the kitchen and living room walking back and forth just admiring how beautiful his house was. He also went in the bathroom a few times to look at his mirror that takes up an entire wall that was just installed. He looks like he does have a designer bathroom now. We talked about what to eat, and I was really craving something with chicken and cheese. The Guy said sushi because it had none of those. Sushi actually sounded REALLY good, so he said we would phone an order for some in at 7 when the place starts delivering. During the time we wait for the sushi we admire his house, talk about his health, tell him about my mom's surprise party being amazing. He chats on facebook with Jeff and Jeff has a mission for us.
The food arrives and The Guy puts it in the fridge. We go to complete Jeff's mission- we have to pick up a package he accidentally left for a realtor in the city The Guy lives in- Jeff forgot to put address labels in it. I drive since I pulled in behind The Guy's car since Robert's car was there since The Guy took him to the airport. All 3 of The Guy's exes are in Chicago this weekend- what a coincidence- none know each other, though, and all are into older guys. We have a hard time finding the realtor's office- Jeff doesn't know the name, and Jeff is directionally challenged. The Guy proclaimed to Jeff I'm like the king of u-turns. I must have did a half dozen while on our adventure. The Guy makes a really nice comment about how he enjoys hanging out with me for being so easy going. Whether we go out or stay in I'm ok with whatever, and I can get excited about whatever. That was cool.
We also debate whether or not this song sounded country- The Guy said it did- I disagree and provided him with a plethora of information. I said Daughtry was on American Idol, known for singing rock, this is his 3rd rock album, he toured with BonJovi who is a ROCKER, so Daughtry is ROCK. His influences include Rod Stewart, Bryan Adams, Elton John, so he is ROCK.
We get home and stand in the kitchen eating the sushi. It was the healthy kind, but it was really good. It was all pretty spicy. I'm not sure what we ordered- some hibachi I know for sure.
The Guy talks about wanting to install his speakers in his kitchen, so we head to Best Buy to get speaker wire, an Airport Express, and a few other odds and ends. We spend some time looking for cords they didn't have. I drove, and The Guy said how he liked being chaufferred (sp?) around for a change. We also talk about how Robert is different than all of his prior relationships. It really sounds like Robert is different... lol... I hope.
We get home and The Guy chats with Zach and a few other people online. We make random comments to each other about what is on our mind. Fun times.
The Guy and I hang out until about 10p.m. until he decides he is about to head to bed.
I got a text from my cousins earlier in the day about meeting them for some country line dancin', and I was so down. I made my way out to Brandin' Iron in San Bernardino, and it was not crowded at all for a Friday night. My cousins were standing around drinking, so I got a drink, and was soon loose enough to head out to the dance floor. They were mainly doing couples dances, and my cousins didn't want to do that, although I would have been ok. Once the band was done, which could not have been soon enough, since they were not that good, we hit the floor. I am getting better at line dancing. Here's what we danced to last night, and I did an ok job. Oh, and all my cousins sang Two Pina Coladas by Garth Brooks... soooo funny! Only my cousin, Brit, knew it, and my other cousin just bobbed her head.
While I have the electric slide down I still need to work on these 3 dances...
the Bocephus line dance
the Watermelon Crawl, which we did 3-4 times last night
the tush push
I really would like to become good at line dancing. We have a line dancing club literally a half mile from my house, and I could get in for free most any night. My grandma was a member there for over 20 years, and she had a lifetime transferrable membership. She used to get all dressed up to go square dancing and line dancing down there.
I get to The Guy's at 5:50 as he is in the shower. I made great timing considering it was get away Friday, and holiday traffic. I hang out in the office on the couch while he showers. When he gets out he showed me why he went to the doctor. He has a form of psoriasis he was trying to get cleared up. He told me this was like a maintenance visit to the doctor since he was getting all of his problems cleaned up and taken care of. All evening The Guy was incessantly putting cream on his spots and telling me how much they had gone down already- it was funny. We talked about how great his house looked since he had his house cleaned yesterday.
We hang out in the kitchen and living room walking back and forth just admiring how beautiful his house was. He also went in the bathroom a few times to look at his mirror that takes up an entire wall that was just installed. He looks like he does have a designer bathroom now. We talked about what to eat, and I was really craving something with chicken and cheese. The Guy said sushi because it had none of those. Sushi actually sounded REALLY good, so he said we would phone an order for some in at 7 when the place starts delivering. During the time we wait for the sushi we admire his house, talk about his health, tell him about my mom's surprise party being amazing. He chats on facebook with Jeff and Jeff has a mission for us.
The food arrives and The Guy puts it in the fridge. We go to complete Jeff's mission- we have to pick up a package he accidentally left for a realtor in the city The Guy lives in- Jeff forgot to put address labels in it. I drive since I pulled in behind The Guy's car since Robert's car was there since The Guy took him to the airport. All 3 of The Guy's exes are in Chicago this weekend- what a coincidence- none know each other, though, and all are into older guys. We have a hard time finding the realtor's office- Jeff doesn't know the name, and Jeff is directionally challenged. The Guy proclaimed to Jeff I'm like the king of u-turns. I must have did a half dozen while on our adventure. The Guy makes a really nice comment about how he enjoys hanging out with me for being so easy going. Whether we go out or stay in I'm ok with whatever, and I can get excited about whatever. That was cool.
We also debate whether or not this song sounded country- The Guy said it did- I disagree and provided him with a plethora of information. I said Daughtry was on American Idol, known for singing rock, this is his 3rd rock album, he toured with BonJovi who is a ROCKER, so Daughtry is ROCK. His influences include Rod Stewart, Bryan Adams, Elton John, so he is ROCK.
We get home and stand in the kitchen eating the sushi. It was the healthy kind, but it was really good. It was all pretty spicy. I'm not sure what we ordered- some hibachi I know for sure.
The Guy talks about wanting to install his speakers in his kitchen, so we head to Best Buy to get speaker wire, an Airport Express, and a few other odds and ends. We spend some time looking for cords they didn't have. I drove, and The Guy said how he liked being chaufferred (sp?) around for a change. We also talk about how Robert is different than all of his prior relationships. It really sounds like Robert is different... lol... I hope.
We get home and The Guy chats with Zach and a few other people online. We make random comments to each other about what is on our mind. Fun times.
The Guy and I hang out until about 10p.m. until he decides he is about to head to bed.
I got a text from my cousins earlier in the day about meeting them for some country line dancin', and I was so down. I made my way out to Brandin' Iron in San Bernardino, and it was not crowded at all for a Friday night. My cousins were standing around drinking, so I got a drink, and was soon loose enough to head out to the dance floor. They were mainly doing couples dances, and my cousins didn't want to do that, although I would have been ok. Once the band was done, which could not have been soon enough, since they were not that good, we hit the floor. I am getting better at line dancing. Here's what we danced to last night, and I did an ok job. Oh, and all my cousins sang Two Pina Coladas by Garth Brooks... soooo funny! Only my cousin, Brit, knew it, and my other cousin just bobbed her head.
While I have the electric slide down I still need to work on these 3 dances...
the Bocephus line dance
the Watermelon Crawl, which we did 3-4 times last night
the tush push
I really would like to become good at line dancing. We have a line dancing club literally a half mile from my house, and I could get in for free most any night. My grandma was a member there for over 20 years, and she had a lifetime transferrable membership. She used to get all dressed up to go square dancing and line dancing down there.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Finally got an answer
I ran into my aunt and uncle on my dad's side twice this past week at the mall in my city. They don't even live in this city. They like our mall better than theirs. The topic of my grandma came up, and what was going on with her. We had been told by the lawyer my grandma's body was at a morgue. We had been told by my aunt in Oklahoma my grandma's body was at the morgue or mortuary. There was also some time we didn't know where the body was and my aunt was lying. My uncle mentioned again these past 2 times we saw him how he would be more than willing to pay for a funeral and would talk to our lawyer/my aunt in Nor Cal. My uncle did some investigating this weekend since his son has connections when it comes to this sort of stuff. My uncle's son found out my grandma was not at the morgue. My uncle and his son did a little more investigating. The conversation my uncle relayed is very annoying as to what happened when he called the morgue/funeral home this morning. Basically they said the body was not there, and there was no cemetery involved. My uncle asked what that meant, and my grandma was cremated several weeks ago and nobody knew. She also didn't want to be cremated. I don't know how I feel about that- it certainly wasn't my grandma's wishes, and we were left out in the dark as to what was happening. My aunt had the power- she could do what she wanted. Now I get to relay the message to my aunt in Oklahoma and my family :-(
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
A lull
Things are slowing down for me, and that's a good thing. Since the end of Christmas Break I had subbed nearly everyday. It was sure nice. I happen to like money. I did a semi-longterm sub position, and a few other classes here and there. What was also nice was that every job I had was requested for. I didn't sub yesterday or today, which was almost surprising. Hopefully I get called for tomorrow.
School is going alright. I was sure spoiled the previous 2 quarters where the work was a complete joke, and I could throw something together prior to class. I can still mostly do that. We are getting into the more core classes, however. I am being exposed to the courses and tasks I need to submit to the state so that I can do student teaching later, which is required for part of the credential. I'll work on the paperwork later this month. My goal is to have most of it done by March 1.
I have an older woman probably in her 60s who is so lovey dovey for one class and is all about the love and "sharing the good news." She likes to go on "bird walks" during class, which are her words for tangent. She said, "now, let's go on a bird walk. Edelia lives down the street from me, she's the lovely old woman who is never going to die, and she's 97. She grew up on a farm where there was horses. One day I was out in my garden spreading manure, and she smelled it. It never occurred to me with dementia and Alzheimers smell is the last sense to go, so when they smell a familiar smell it brings up memories. She came walking out to me asking if I'd seen her horse and figured I better walk her home." Yes. She goes on for hours with these stories. I responded with "I think I need to get my horse and get going. I think I've been sitting here for hours." In my defense, it was near 7p.m., and time for our break in my mind. So as you can see I am continuing to be my little smart ass self in my classes. Last night I needed to lay off on the "prissy pills," according to my teacher because I was being very sarcastic about everything that came out of her mouth, or anyone elses. There are only 6 people in the class. I'm the only guy.
My Wednesday night class is taught by a drill instructor pretty much. He has no tolerance for you being late, anyone being late, cell phones, and stuff like that. I sit in the back on my cell phone- don't tell. I just make sure it doesn't go off or make sounds. He gives a lot of busy work- "get to know you activities." We are given a test to answer each week on the reading and it is done in partners, so my partner and I split it up. He does the multiple choice and essays. I do the key terms, short answer, and true/false. My partner is a super hot Mormon boy, but very straight, and everything is "righteous," and he calls everyone "bro." He's probably 6'3'', 170lbs, sort of thick muscular build, dark brown hair slicked to the front, a few freckles, dark brown eyes.
Yum.
As far as relationships/friendships go, The Guy and I are overdue for hanging out. He has been sick the past week or so, so we haven't hung out. I haven't talked to him since we hung out last other than for a few texts here and there. The 21 year old I went on a date with a few weeks back and I have talked. He doesn't really want a relationship now because he is going through a major transition in his life and he isn't sure how it will turn out, but he wants to remain friends. Maybe I'll find someone one day... keeping my eyes open. Jack off buddy and I are going to get together soon.
Had my car looked over by the dealer yesterday, as suggested by Shawn, and everything looked great. Yay!!! I have been wanting to take my car to the car wash, but that's not happening soon with all this impending rain.
Some musical thoughts:
- Lady Antebellum had the best Grammy performance the other night with "Need You Now" --- I do think the song is waaaaaay too overplayed and is grating on my nerves. I am glad for their success, though. Currently it is the #1 song on iTunes.
- Alejandro is my new favorite Lady Gaga song
- This song is annoyingly catchy, and waaaaaaaay overplayed on 1043 MYFM.
Family is going pretty well. My aunt has made some major screw ups and not produced the documents asked of her by our lawyer, and the court, which obviously doesn't favor her. My grandma still hasn't been buried. Remember, my grandma died September 19, 2009. It is pure disgusting. Right now we don't care whether my grandma is cremated or buried as long as she ends up with her husband where he is buried. My mom is really under a lot of stress and anxiety dealing with this.
My sister is up at 4:45a.m. most days and gone until 7p.m. I never see her. When I do see her, she is usually on her best behavior as mom has made it clear she won't tolerate any nonsense. We do have our usual arguments over where and what to eat. Last week after getting allergy shots we were going out to eat. She didn't want California Pizza Kitchen because it is disgusting pizza and she only likes cheese, we couldn't eat at a steakhouse because they have bland steak, and we couldn't eat at Olive Garden because they have yucky noodles. So annoying. (Hint: I need a nice guy who will actually take me out and let me experience variety... haha.) That seems to be the extent of that. She did fail 2 classes in her fall semester and took 1 over during the winter quarter. With all of her free time and no job I question how she can fail.
My dad's health is getting somewhat better as he was FINALLY diagnosed last month after 2 years of arguing and fighting with Kaiser and the VA. The VA were surprisingly the ones to find the problem. He is on pills for the problem and surgery may be in the future. The surgeries that my dad had last year were only part of the problem, but never fully corrected the problems. He is hoping to be retired this year by the VA.
School is going alright. I was sure spoiled the previous 2 quarters where the work was a complete joke, and I could throw something together prior to class. I can still mostly do that. We are getting into the more core classes, however. I am being exposed to the courses and tasks I need to submit to the state so that I can do student teaching later, which is required for part of the credential. I'll work on the paperwork later this month. My goal is to have most of it done by March 1.
I have an older woman probably in her 60s who is so lovey dovey for one class and is all about the love and "sharing the good news." She likes to go on "bird walks" during class, which are her words for tangent. She said, "now, let's go on a bird walk. Edelia lives down the street from me, she's the lovely old woman who is never going to die, and she's 97. She grew up on a farm where there was horses. One day I was out in my garden spreading manure, and she smelled it. It never occurred to me with dementia and Alzheimers smell is the last sense to go, so when they smell a familiar smell it brings up memories. She came walking out to me asking if I'd seen her horse and figured I better walk her home." Yes. She goes on for hours with these stories. I responded with "I think I need to get my horse and get going. I think I've been sitting here for hours." In my defense, it was near 7p.m., and time for our break in my mind. So as you can see I am continuing to be my little smart ass self in my classes. Last night I needed to lay off on the "prissy pills," according to my teacher because I was being very sarcastic about everything that came out of her mouth, or anyone elses. There are only 6 people in the class. I'm the only guy.
My Wednesday night class is taught by a drill instructor pretty much. He has no tolerance for you being late, anyone being late, cell phones, and stuff like that. I sit in the back on my cell phone- don't tell. I just make sure it doesn't go off or make sounds. He gives a lot of busy work- "get to know you activities." We are given a test to answer each week on the reading and it is done in partners, so my partner and I split it up. He does the multiple choice and essays. I do the key terms, short answer, and true/false. My partner is a super hot Mormon boy, but very straight, and everything is "righteous," and he calls everyone "bro." He's probably 6'3'', 170lbs, sort of thick muscular build, dark brown hair slicked to the front, a few freckles, dark brown eyes.
Yum.
As far as relationships/friendships go, The Guy and I are overdue for hanging out. He has been sick the past week or so, so we haven't hung out. I haven't talked to him since we hung out last other than for a few texts here and there. The 21 year old I went on a date with a few weeks back and I have talked. He doesn't really want a relationship now because he is going through a major transition in his life and he isn't sure how it will turn out, but he wants to remain friends. Maybe I'll find someone one day... keeping my eyes open. Jack off buddy and I are going to get together soon.
Had my car looked over by the dealer yesterday, as suggested by Shawn, and everything looked great. Yay!!! I have been wanting to take my car to the car wash, but that's not happening soon with all this impending rain.
Some musical thoughts:
- Lady Antebellum had the best Grammy performance the other night with "Need You Now" --- I do think the song is waaaaaay too overplayed and is grating on my nerves. I am glad for their success, though. Currently it is the #1 song on iTunes.
- Alejandro is my new favorite Lady Gaga song
- This song is annoyingly catchy, and waaaaaaaay overplayed on 1043 MYFM.
Family is going pretty well. My aunt has made some major screw ups and not produced the documents asked of her by our lawyer, and the court, which obviously doesn't favor her. My grandma still hasn't been buried. Remember, my grandma died September 19, 2009. It is pure disgusting. Right now we don't care whether my grandma is cremated or buried as long as she ends up with her husband where he is buried. My mom is really under a lot of stress and anxiety dealing with this.
My sister is up at 4:45a.m. most days and gone until 7p.m. I never see her. When I do see her, she is usually on her best behavior as mom has made it clear she won't tolerate any nonsense. We do have our usual arguments over where and what to eat. Last week after getting allergy shots we were going out to eat. She didn't want California Pizza Kitchen because it is disgusting pizza and she only likes cheese, we couldn't eat at a steakhouse because they have bland steak, and we couldn't eat at Olive Garden because they have yucky noodles. So annoying. (Hint: I need a nice guy who will actually take me out and let me experience variety... haha.) That seems to be the extent of that. She did fail 2 classes in her fall semester and took 1 over during the winter quarter. With all of her free time and no job I question how she can fail.
My dad's health is getting somewhat better as he was FINALLY diagnosed last month after 2 years of arguing and fighting with Kaiser and the VA. The VA were surprisingly the ones to find the problem. He is on pills for the problem and surgery may be in the future. The surgeries that my dad had last year were only part of the problem, but never fully corrected the problems. He is hoping to be retired this year by the VA.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Maximizing Issues
No, not Maximizing Max (yeah, him). This time it is about maximizing the issue, which I tend to do. I blogged about all of the anger and hurt I was feeling after my grandma's passing. I have been grieving as you know, all of my crying, etc. while in the car. That stopped probably a week or so before Halloween. I dealt with it is my point I guess I'm trying to make and I did come to terms with it.
This past week the anticipation has been building. My aunt has promised a letter to the lawyer by Saturday apparently about what she can do moneywise when it comes to my grandma- this prior to the 17th when there is a court hearing about my grandma's body. It has been a mess this week- my aunt said this, she said that, etc. etc. It all just built and the only real crying I did was the tears I woke up with. The tears were only momentarily, but it was building. I feel like I was being worn down. I was chatting with The Guy tonight after texting him today, then calling him a couple times telling him I needed a friend. I needed someone to talk and I was looking for his perspective. The call didn't start off so well. It was text and then phone tag. When he finally called me back after the 4th time of ignoring his calls because I was so worked up in the tears he asked how I was. I told him I was not well. I then cried for the next 2-3 minutes just bawling on the phone. I felt bad that he had no clue what was going on and had to listen to this. I heard deep sighs he was making and seemed bothered, and I felt bad that the moment I talk to him the tears flow. I hung up. He called back a couple times and then texted for me to pick up and not hang up. I did. He asked if it was my grandma and aunt. I told him it was and told him the details. He told me that it was worth it to cry, some of my crying sounded really angry, and it was a good thing, to take care of myself tonight. The cries and conversations continued and we talk about how it is a lot of feelings like loneliness that I was feeling. I don't know how, but we got to talking about "minimizing things"- I was talking about stepping back, looking at each issue, thinking about it, not internalizing it, and how I don't, so I constantly maximize the issue and bring up a lot of hate within myself, which brings a lot of anxiety and tears. Sure there is some more emotional attachment and crying that can certainly be done this weekend we agreed, but I feel and can see for myself how I need to step back and think rather than becoming wrapped up in emotions.
The Guy did remind me that it was my pity party and I could cry if I want to and he began singing his version of the Leslie Gore hit. I continued on "you would cry to if it happened to you... dun dun dun dun dun dun" and we began singing that over the phone together. He did tell me he did cry too because it happened to him last night over the issue with Shawn.
I felt so bad, so embarrassed for after days of not talking to The Guy to only be able to cry. I know we're friends, but sometimes it seems like we drift in and out, and I know it is understandable, but I hate that. I texted and called him a few times and heard nothing back, so this little bit is not what I wanted when we started talking again. I wanted to chat, ask about what he was up to, see about hanging out, hear about his weekend with Shawn. We did talk about all of that and will probably hang out.
But from this convo with him I realized how this is kind of like any other weekend, but there are some additional emotion attached to it. It is ok to cry, but I should maybe minimize the issue, think, think about how it is deteriorating and hurting me.
This past week the anticipation has been building. My aunt has promised a letter to the lawyer by Saturday apparently about what she can do moneywise when it comes to my grandma- this prior to the 17th when there is a court hearing about my grandma's body. It has been a mess this week- my aunt said this, she said that, etc. etc. It all just built and the only real crying I did was the tears I woke up with. The tears were only momentarily, but it was building. I feel like I was being worn down. I was chatting with The Guy tonight after texting him today, then calling him a couple times telling him I needed a friend. I needed someone to talk and I was looking for his perspective. The call didn't start off so well. It was text and then phone tag. When he finally called me back after the 4th time of ignoring his calls because I was so worked up in the tears he asked how I was. I told him I was not well. I then cried for the next 2-3 minutes just bawling on the phone. I felt bad that he had no clue what was going on and had to listen to this. I heard deep sighs he was making and seemed bothered, and I felt bad that the moment I talk to him the tears flow. I hung up. He called back a couple times and then texted for me to pick up and not hang up. I did. He asked if it was my grandma and aunt. I told him it was and told him the details. He told me that it was worth it to cry, some of my crying sounded really angry, and it was a good thing, to take care of myself tonight. The cries and conversations continued and we talk about how it is a lot of feelings like loneliness that I was feeling. I don't know how, but we got to talking about "minimizing things"- I was talking about stepping back, looking at each issue, thinking about it, not internalizing it, and how I don't, so I constantly maximize the issue and bring up a lot of hate within myself, which brings a lot of anxiety and tears. Sure there is some more emotional attachment and crying that can certainly be done this weekend we agreed, but I feel and can see for myself how I need to step back and think rather than becoming wrapped up in emotions.
The Guy did remind me that it was my pity party and I could cry if I want to and he began singing his version of the Leslie Gore hit. I continued on "you would cry to if it happened to you... dun dun dun dun dun dun" and we began singing that over the phone together. He did tell me he did cry too because it happened to him last night over the issue with Shawn.
I felt so bad, so embarrassed for after days of not talking to The Guy to only be able to cry. I know we're friends, but sometimes it seems like we drift in and out, and I know it is understandable, but I hate that. I texted and called him a few times and heard nothing back, so this little bit is not what I wanted when we started talking again. I wanted to chat, ask about what he was up to, see about hanging out, hear about his weekend with Shawn. We did talk about all of that and will probably hang out.
But from this convo with him I realized how this is kind of like any other weekend, but there are some additional emotion attached to it. It is ok to cry, but I should maybe minimize the issue, think, think about how it is deteriorating and hurting me.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Hard to read Chris
I wasn't even thinking it was Thursday yesterday, hence Thursday night TV with Chris. I had been meaning to text him all day while I was at work to tell him I had a dream about him. I had been so busy with work and family life that I hadn't really had a chance for anything else. I texted him about 2:30. I'd meant to do it hours earlier. I've had such severe allergy problems that I'm taking allergy meds to the max and that makes for some pretty awesome dreaming (downside is you don't wake up too relaxed).
Last night was no exception- you can read about my dream below that I had about Chris.
So we did all of the above.
Met at his place at 6:15p.m., then went to dinner. We went to an Italian place down the street from his apartment I had never been to. It wasn't great, but it was pretty good. We talked about so much- just like a date- we talked over what to eat, should we split or share what we are eating? We talked about school, I talked about work, he talked about work, swapped stories about our week, how mean I am at work, he talked about Christmas and wanting to go somewhere since he won't have his son he doesn't want to do the family thing. We talked about facebook apps like Grindr and how scary it was. I told him my story about it. We talked about family. I told him a little about what was going on with my family since he asked how I was holding up since my grandma's death.
We get back to his place, then get our swimsuits and change to go to the hot tub in his complex. We get down there and chat a lot about school. We talk about how happy I am at the college I am at. He asked if I was worried about loans because I should already be pretty indebted because of my undergrad, but I told him why I graduated from college with no debt. Then we talked about his education, how his grandpa is encouraging him to go back and get his doctorate, but he is so over school. We talked about the situation with my grandma a little more. It was a good conversation and felt good to just let it out. We talked about teaching- becoming an administrator. He told me about his friend who has been pink slipped every year she has taught and she has taught nearly 10 or 11 years and how she lives so frugally because of the constant threats of being terminated. I told how my dad was pink slipped after working in the same district for 8 years and the constant threat for my mom being a home ec teacher. Good talk and enjoyed how he said he admires me for going into teacher.
Then we go back upstairs. I use the bathroom, so I close the door and decide to change. When I come out he makes fun of me for changing behind closed doors when he has seen me nakey before. I wish I hadn't changed behind closed doors in that case... haha.
So we settle in for Thursday night TV. So we could skip through the commercials quick we watch a quick episode of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," and we talk about had we ever been to Philadelphia. I had been to Pennsylvania like Hershey and Gettysburg, but not Philadelphia. While we're watching TV Chris develops severe heartburn. Severe heartburn. He takes some pills for it then kind of lays on the couch with his computer trying to distract himself. He is playing Bejeweled and farming on facebook. We watch "The Office," which is HILARIOUS. I was laughing and cringing sooooo much. After "30 Rock" we called it a night, I grabbed my leftovers from dinner, got my swimsuit, and headed home.
So for um not dating and not being sexually compatible, a hot tub, dinner, and TV on the couch sure sounded like one... haha... I'm not hurt. I'm not falling into the trap if that is what it is. I'll just consider it a good time with a friend.
Last night was no exception- you can read about my dream below that I had about Chris.
So we did all of the above.
Met at his place at 6:15p.m., then went to dinner. We went to an Italian place down the street from his apartment I had never been to. It wasn't great, but it was pretty good. We talked about so much- just like a date- we talked over what to eat, should we split or share what we are eating? We talked about school, I talked about work, he talked about work, swapped stories about our week, how mean I am at work, he talked about Christmas and wanting to go somewhere since he won't have his son he doesn't want to do the family thing. We talked about facebook apps like Grindr and how scary it was. I told him my story about it. We talked about family. I told him a little about what was going on with my family since he asked how I was holding up since my grandma's death.
We get back to his place, then get our swimsuits and change to go to the hot tub in his complex. We get down there and chat a lot about school. We talk about how happy I am at the college I am at. He asked if I was worried about loans because I should already be pretty indebted because of my undergrad, but I told him why I graduated from college with no debt. Then we talked about his education, how his grandpa is encouraging him to go back and get his doctorate, but he is so over school. We talked about the situation with my grandma a little more. It was a good conversation and felt good to just let it out. We talked about teaching- becoming an administrator. He told me about his friend who has been pink slipped every year she has taught and she has taught nearly 10 or 11 years and how she lives so frugally because of the constant threats of being terminated. I told how my dad was pink slipped after working in the same district for 8 years and the constant threat for my mom being a home ec teacher. Good talk and enjoyed how he said he admires me for going into teacher.
Then we go back upstairs. I use the bathroom, so I close the door and decide to change. When I come out he makes fun of me for changing behind closed doors when he has seen me nakey before. I wish I hadn't changed behind closed doors in that case... haha.
So we settle in for Thursday night TV. So we could skip through the commercials quick we watch a quick episode of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," and we talk about had we ever been to Philadelphia. I had been to Pennsylvania like Hershey and Gettysburg, but not Philadelphia. While we're watching TV Chris develops severe heartburn. Severe heartburn. He takes some pills for it then kind of lays on the couch with his computer trying to distract himself. He is playing Bejeweled and farming on facebook. We watch "The Office," which is HILARIOUS. I was laughing and cringing sooooo much. After "30 Rock" we called it a night, I grabbed my leftovers from dinner, got my swimsuit, and headed home.
So for um not dating and not being sexually compatible, a hot tub, dinner, and TV on the couch sure sounded like one... haha... I'm not hurt. I'm not falling into the trap if that is what it is. I'll just consider it a good time with a friend.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Things are looking up
Pretty excited here... kind of nice...
- still dealing with tons of stress regarding the aunt. There were several lows this week. Lots of drama. I am still heartbroken over what she did, said, and happened. I'm just hoping my aunt is as stupid and what she said this week was the truth. She could be in major trouble not just with the family, but the law.
- A week off from school.... much needed
- Subbing 4 days next week for Linda
- Subbed yesterday for 1 hour and got paid for a full day
- Because I subbed for that hour I didn't get a chance to get my pedicure (I got the sub call at 12p.m. as I was heading out to do that)... lol... so gay... I know... lol... Chris inspired me... we were chatting the other night how we both needed our toenails cut and how our toes were so ugly... we both agreed pedicures were in order... so um... I am going to do that... should be fun... lol.. I know lots of guys who get them... need to find time for one... maybe tomorrow...
- Still having these awful headaches... they have been pretty much constant in the past 2-3 weeks.
- We bought a living room set at Ashley Furniture last weekend. It was $2,200, but on sale for $1,100. 50% off. Everything was delivered today, so we have been rearranging the furniture. I am in love. Red rust couches. Brown metal end and cocktail tables with glass. Our old couches were from 1994. We are getting rid of the end tables from 1974. Living room looks a whole lot more modern. Love the color!!!
- Cleaned out my closet- as in not just taking the clothes out, but all the stuff in the back I never touch. Sooooo much better now!!! Got rid of a lot. Also did all my laundry. Feeling pretty good about that. Things are organized once again and smelling good.
- We got a loan!!! We were approved during the summer, but only had time to get the new roof put on. Yay for that! Parents have great credit, but after the whole credit crunch we weren't approved. Just got approved during the summer. We can now finish redoing the house. That means...
- New windows (dad is going to buy them on Tuesday without my mom's knowledge... she'll throw a fit either way whether she knows our not... she'll say he bought the cheapest windows (not true- these will be the ones that qualify for the tax rebate because they are energy efficient)... how she wasn't consulted... but this is how my parents work after 30+ years of marriage... if they want it they do it... my mom is against it because it costs money... once the windows are installed she won't complain because her friend's son will do the install and so we're "helping" him with $$$ and they'll be pretty)
--- To explain how my parents work my mom was complaining how "aged" everything looked in the house and went out and just bought new carpet without telling my dad last year... also did the same when it came to an ugly couch she bought last year... that's how they work...
- Central air/heat (yes... our house is that old that it doesn't have it... seriously I don't know how we've survived in So Cal... mom has thrown a fit for years about how much it would cost... my dad basically said we are doing it PERIOD---
I'm calling to have it installed Monday)
- New doors... hopefully some nice doors with lots of glass to bring in lots of light
- New kitchen - a few months away, but things are moving!
- Waiting for JC Penney to have 70% off on blinds and curtains before we update the living room even more.
- My mom bothers me in that she insists on holding onto everything... thankfully my dad "found someone" (named the trash company) and "needs" end tables and old coffee tables.
Edit:
- Oh, and this just occurred. Sis was out all day while the couches were being delivered. Sister liked the old couches so much, despite the fact they were so ugly (well, with age, they were)... but my sister likes junk, so what do you expect? Anyways, she came got home about 15 minutes ago, saw the new couches, and said "yuck! I am never sitting in here again! These are ugly!" I laughed. Sister has complained for months how she doesn't want to get rid of the couches because she likes to sleep on them. Then she goes in her room, comes out, and suddenly her bed is broken. She has a twin metal bed in her room and she decided she wanted the old couch as her bed. She unscrewed a leg off of her bed and tried to bend it. Thankfully my parents said tough and gave the old pads on the couch to the dogs and put them in their dog houses. Victory! Poor sis. NOT!!! Sis had to put the leg back on her bed, of course there were all the cries of how she couldn't lift the bed, the bed was now on the floor, you get the idea.
- still dealing with tons of stress regarding the aunt. There were several lows this week. Lots of drama. I am still heartbroken over what she did, said, and happened. I'm just hoping my aunt is as stupid and what she said this week was the truth. She could be in major trouble not just with the family, but the law.
- A week off from school.... much needed
- Subbing 4 days next week for Linda
- Subbed yesterday for 1 hour and got paid for a full day
- Because I subbed for that hour I didn't get a chance to get my pedicure (I got the sub call at 12p.m. as I was heading out to do that)... lol... so gay... I know... lol... Chris inspired me... we were chatting the other night how we both needed our toenails cut and how our toes were so ugly... we both agreed pedicures were in order... so um... I am going to do that... should be fun... lol.. I know lots of guys who get them... need to find time for one... maybe tomorrow...
- Still having these awful headaches... they have been pretty much constant in the past 2-3 weeks.
- We bought a living room set at Ashley Furniture last weekend. It was $2,200, but on sale for $1,100. 50% off. Everything was delivered today, so we have been rearranging the furniture. I am in love. Red rust couches. Brown metal end and cocktail tables with glass. Our old couches were from 1994. We are getting rid of the end tables from 1974. Living room looks a whole lot more modern. Love the color!!!
- Cleaned out my closet- as in not just taking the clothes out, but all the stuff in the back I never touch. Sooooo much better now!!! Got rid of a lot. Also did all my laundry. Feeling pretty good about that. Things are organized once again and smelling good.
- We got a loan!!! We were approved during the summer, but only had time to get the new roof put on. Yay for that! Parents have great credit, but after the whole credit crunch we weren't approved. Just got approved during the summer. We can now finish redoing the house. That means...
- New windows (dad is going to buy them on Tuesday without my mom's knowledge... she'll throw a fit either way whether she knows our not... she'll say he bought the cheapest windows (not true- these will be the ones that qualify for the tax rebate because they are energy efficient)... how she wasn't consulted... but this is how my parents work after 30+ years of marriage... if they want it they do it... my mom is against it because it costs money... once the windows are installed she won't complain because her friend's son will do the install and so we're "helping" him with $$$ and they'll be pretty)
--- To explain how my parents work my mom was complaining how "aged" everything looked in the house and went out and just bought new carpet without telling my dad last year... also did the same when it came to an ugly couch she bought last year... that's how they work...
- Central air/heat (yes... our house is that old that it doesn't have it... seriously I don't know how we've survived in So Cal... mom has thrown a fit for years about how much it would cost... my dad basically said we are doing it PERIOD---
I'm calling to have it installed Monday)
- New doors... hopefully some nice doors with lots of glass to bring in lots of light
- New kitchen - a few months away, but things are moving!
- Waiting for JC Penney to have 70% off on blinds and curtains before we update the living room even more.
- My mom bothers me in that she insists on holding onto everything... thankfully my dad "found someone" (named the trash company) and "needs" end tables and old coffee tables.
Edit:
- Oh, and this just occurred. Sis was out all day while the couches were being delivered. Sister liked the old couches so much, despite the fact they were so ugly (well, with age, they were)... but my sister likes junk, so what do you expect? Anyways, she came got home about 15 minutes ago, saw the new couches, and said "yuck! I am never sitting in here again! These are ugly!" I laughed. Sister has complained for months how she doesn't want to get rid of the couches because she likes to sleep on them. Then she goes in her room, comes out, and suddenly her bed is broken. She has a twin metal bed in her room and she decided she wanted the old couch as her bed. She unscrewed a leg off of her bed and tried to bend it. Thankfully my parents said tough and gave the old pads on the couch to the dogs and put them in their dog houses. Victory! Poor sis. NOT!!! Sis had to put the leg back on her bed, of course there were all the cries of how she couldn't lift the bed, the bed was now on the floor, you get the idea.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Survey Time
1. First thing you wash in the shower?
My ass. Soap it up, then move onto legs, then upper body. Why start there? I'm not sure.
2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
My OP hoodie. It is the only hoodie I own.
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Yes.
4. Do you plan outfits every day?
When I am there standing in front of the closet door wondering what to wear.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Irritable
6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
Honestly, nothing. My phone is black and chrome. My computer is silver.
7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
It was a nightmare.
9. What are you craving right now?
Something with caramel like a Macchiato or chocolate chip cookies
10. Do you floss?
All the time. I keep floss in my car.
11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
My grandma's jello salad with carrots and cabbage that I'm never going to have again made just the way she did.
12. Are you emotional?
Lately, yes. I can cry at the drop of a hat. I am just dealing with so much with my aunt, family, and stuff like that.
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
In 2nd grade when we had to do that packet where we wrote in every number from 0-1000 in a square grid that probably had 50 squares per page. It went on and on.
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Bite. How do you lick ice cream out of a bowl? I do the bowl and cone approach.
15. Do you like your hair?
No. At times it is stringy and most often it won't go and do what I want. The color isn't bad.
16. Do you like yourself?
I do, I do, I do oooooh
17. Would you go out to eat with George Bush?
If he is paying, why not? We can talk about nuculer energy or something.
18. What are you listening to right now?
The Eyewitness News 5p.m. intro... yes... like this one...
19. Are your parents strict?
No... I knew what I could and couldn't do... they let me pretty much do what I wanted within reason.
20. Would you go sky diving?
Um. Sometimes I think it would be fun, others I get nervous and think of the falling feeling I would probably get throughout my body. It is that feeling you get when you are sleeping and suddenly fall. Am I the only one who ever has that? I would probably do the real thing if it were on the back of a professional. Or maybe in a wind tunnel...
21. Do you like cottage cheese?
In manicotti. I haven't had it in years.
22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Bob Barker, Travis Barker, Toby Keith, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and a few others
23. Do you rent movies often?
No. First I have to have the attention span to sit and watch a movie, and I don't. I also have Direct TV where there are bunches of movies on the movie channels I have never watched because I don't have the attention span.
24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
The button on a pair of jeans on my bed.
I just realized the closet door handles are a curious shiny gold. Makes them seem expensive.
25. How many countries have you visited?
1- Los Estados Unidos
26. Have you made a prank phone call?
When I was little I'd prank call... like up to 6th grade and then TPing became cool.
27. Ever been on a train?
Metrolink Trains, Metrolink Weekends beach train a few years back, the NYC Metro, DC Metro
28. Brown or white eggs?
Either... they're food... I don't discriminate
29. Do you have a cell-phone?
I couldn't be without. It is ALWAYS on me. Always.
30. Do you use chap stick?
Nightly. I put on hand cream and chapstick as I'm going to bed. Is that gay?
31. Do you own a gun?
A couple BB guns that I got when I was in Boy Scouts thousands of years ago.
32. Can you use chop sticks?
I've only used them a couple times and I will not use them for rice. I think the last time I did was with The Guy and we used it for the meat entree, but used forks for the rice.
33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
Myself and I- we've got some straightening out to do. My parents are out with my aunt and uncle. Sisso will probably be in her bedroom. I'll either be hitting LA Fitness, the mall, or something. Feeling the need to get out.
34. Are you too forgiving?
To some people. If I care about you and have a reason to feel like you deserve a second chance, then yes. Family and friends get second chances. Others, eh, not so much. I still remember the kid today who pissed me off for talking back to me. He did that the other day, too. No, I am not sorry I didn't let him use the bathroom. No I don't forgive him for being sorry for interrupting my damn class because he had to use the bathroom. I was trying to teach, damn it.
35. Ever been in love?
Once... I felt that with The Guy a couple times. I'm over that now.
36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
Teaching flight lessons from 7a.m.-5p.m., then going home probably.
37. Ever have cream puffs?
On Monday night during our potluck at school. So good! They had powdered sugar on them. Those are so good!
38. Last time you cried?
This morning driving to work I just felt really sad and bothered. Got to work and nobody knew. I hate that I feel so comfortable crying in my car, but I guess that's when I really feel free.
39. What was the last question you asked?
I asked my dad, "What did the doctor say?" in response to his doctor's appointment today.
40. Favorite time of the year?
Winter! Rain! Warm clothes! Clothes that just look complete.
41. Do you have any tattoos?
No... I change my mind too much... having urges to get my nipples pierced again, though. May just do it.
42. Are you sarcastic?
I can be.
43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
Nope
44. Ever walked into a wall?
Walls, doors, cabinets.
45. Favorite color?
Medium blue and forest green
46. Have you ever slapped someone?
Yep... all the time... in joking around
I hit Chris last Thursday jokingly after he said something about me liking older guys and choosing the most un-hot DILF.
Slap... slap... hit... yes... slap... not so much
47. Is your hair curly?
No... thankfully
48. What was the last CD you bought?
The last complete CD was probably The Airborne Toxic Event
The last songs were Blackhawk (90s country) "Every Once in a While" and "I'm Not Strong Enough to Say No"
I also bought 3A.M. by Matchbox 20
49. Do looks matter?
Yes, but there's a bunch of other things that are important too like trustworthiness, caring, and sense of humor.
50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
Forgive...No
Forget...NO
51. Is your phone bill sky high?
iPhone ($30 additional per month)
iPhone text plan ($20 additional per month)
You tell me...
52. Do you like your life right now?
It is a tough question.
I love school.
Work is pretty fun at times when I get the calls.
I'm feeling a little down trying to stay in contact with everyone.
I'm having such a hard time with aunt drama and all the legal stuff from that.
I am at a good place, though. I'm getting my Masters. I have great friends. My car is paid off. I have an iPhone. I have money in the bank. I am employed. It rained today. So sure, I like life.
53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
No. I need complete darkness and only the noise of my air filter.
54. Can you handle the truth?
Be truthful with me. That's all I ask. I hate lies. I hate my aunt. She is not truthful. I like my friends because we can be completely honest with each other.
55. Do you have good vision?
Yep
56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
I hate my aunt.
3 people... I'm searching...
Only 1 comes to mind...
Hate is such a strong word, but after what she has done to my grandma, to my family, to me, sure, hate.
Dramatic? No.
She deserves whatever happens to her.
57. How often do you talk on the phone?
All the time. Yay for friends with AT&T like The Guy, Gonzo, Joe, Chris, and more.
I hate texting.
58. The last person you held hands with?
Probably Chris a few months back at the movies or walking from the movies.
59. What are you wearing?
Gray GAP pullover sweater and blue fleece sweatpants here at home
At work I was rocking the Gray GAP sweater, Navy blue Levi jeans, and Navy blue Vans casuals
Also have to include the important undergarment, which would be turquoise trunks
60.What is your favorite animal?
a dog
a guy
61. Where was your default picture taken at?
I don't have one. On my facebook it was taken in my car and on my myspace it was taken at my old college.
62. Can you hula hoop?
For about 15 seconds
63. Do you have a job?
2
love them
tutor and teacher
64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
Lunch at Wienerschnitzel
2 necklaces at Forever 21 for my cousin that she told me she liked
65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yes... when I locked myself out of the house
My ass. Soap it up, then move onto legs, then upper body. Why start there? I'm not sure.
2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
My OP hoodie. It is the only hoodie I own.
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Yes.
4. Do you plan outfits every day?
When I am there standing in front of the closet door wondering what to wear.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Irritable
6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
Honestly, nothing. My phone is black and chrome. My computer is silver.
7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
It was a nightmare.
9. What are you craving right now?
Something with caramel like a Macchiato or chocolate chip cookies
10. Do you floss?
All the time. I keep floss in my car.
11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
My grandma's jello salad with carrots and cabbage that I'm never going to have again made just the way she did.
12. Are you emotional?
Lately, yes. I can cry at the drop of a hat. I am just dealing with so much with my aunt, family, and stuff like that.
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
In 2nd grade when we had to do that packet where we wrote in every number from 0-1000 in a square grid that probably had 50 squares per page. It went on and on.
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Bite. How do you lick ice cream out of a bowl? I do the bowl and cone approach.
15. Do you like your hair?
No. At times it is stringy and most often it won't go and do what I want. The color isn't bad.
16. Do you like yourself?
I do, I do, I do oooooh
17. Would you go out to eat with George Bush?
If he is paying, why not? We can talk about nuculer energy or something.
18. What are you listening to right now?
The Eyewitness News 5p.m. intro... yes... like this one...
19. Are your parents strict?
No... I knew what I could and couldn't do... they let me pretty much do what I wanted within reason.
20. Would you go sky diving?
Um. Sometimes I think it would be fun, others I get nervous and think of the falling feeling I would probably get throughout my body. It is that feeling you get when you are sleeping and suddenly fall. Am I the only one who ever has that? I would probably do the real thing if it were on the back of a professional. Or maybe in a wind tunnel...
21. Do you like cottage cheese?
In manicotti. I haven't had it in years.
22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Bob Barker, Travis Barker, Toby Keith, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and a few others
23. Do you rent movies often?
No. First I have to have the attention span to sit and watch a movie, and I don't. I also have Direct TV where there are bunches of movies on the movie channels I have never watched because I don't have the attention span.
24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
The button on a pair of jeans on my bed.
I just realized the closet door handles are a curious shiny gold. Makes them seem expensive.
25. How many countries have you visited?
1- Los Estados Unidos
26. Have you made a prank phone call?
When I was little I'd prank call... like up to 6th grade and then TPing became cool.
27. Ever been on a train?
Metrolink Trains, Metrolink Weekends beach train a few years back, the NYC Metro, DC Metro
28. Brown or white eggs?
Either... they're food... I don't discriminate
29. Do you have a cell-phone?
I couldn't be without. It is ALWAYS on me. Always.
30. Do you use chap stick?
Nightly. I put on hand cream and chapstick as I'm going to bed. Is that gay?
31. Do you own a gun?
A couple BB guns that I got when I was in Boy Scouts thousands of years ago.
32. Can you use chop sticks?
I've only used them a couple times and I will not use them for rice. I think the last time I did was with The Guy and we used it for the meat entree, but used forks for the rice.
33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
Myself and I- we've got some straightening out to do. My parents are out with my aunt and uncle. Sisso will probably be in her bedroom. I'll either be hitting LA Fitness, the mall, or something. Feeling the need to get out.
34. Are you too forgiving?
To some people. If I care about you and have a reason to feel like you deserve a second chance, then yes. Family and friends get second chances. Others, eh, not so much. I still remember the kid today who pissed me off for talking back to me. He did that the other day, too. No, I am not sorry I didn't let him use the bathroom. No I don't forgive him for being sorry for interrupting my damn class because he had to use the bathroom. I was trying to teach, damn it.
35. Ever been in love?
Once... I felt that with The Guy a couple times. I'm over that now.
36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
Teaching flight lessons from 7a.m.-5p.m., then going home probably.
37. Ever have cream puffs?
On Monday night during our potluck at school. So good! They had powdered sugar on them. Those are so good!
38. Last time you cried?
This morning driving to work I just felt really sad and bothered. Got to work and nobody knew. I hate that I feel so comfortable crying in my car, but I guess that's when I really feel free.
39. What was the last question you asked?
I asked my dad, "What did the doctor say?" in response to his doctor's appointment today.
40. Favorite time of the year?
Winter! Rain! Warm clothes! Clothes that just look complete.
41. Do you have any tattoos?
No... I change my mind too much... having urges to get my nipples pierced again, though. May just do it.
42. Are you sarcastic?
I can be.
43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
Nope
44. Ever walked into a wall?
Walls, doors, cabinets.
45. Favorite color?
Medium blue and forest green
46. Have you ever slapped someone?
Yep... all the time... in joking around
I hit Chris last Thursday jokingly after he said something about me liking older guys and choosing the most un-hot DILF.
Slap... slap... hit... yes... slap... not so much
47. Is your hair curly?
No... thankfully
48. What was the last CD you bought?
The last complete CD was probably The Airborne Toxic Event
The last songs were Blackhawk (90s country) "Every Once in a While" and "I'm Not Strong Enough to Say No"
I also bought 3A.M. by Matchbox 20
49. Do looks matter?
Yes, but there's a bunch of other things that are important too like trustworthiness, caring, and sense of humor.
50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
Forgive...No
Forget...NO
51. Is your phone bill sky high?
iPhone ($30 additional per month)
iPhone text plan ($20 additional per month)
You tell me...
52. Do you like your life right now?
It is a tough question.
I love school.
Work is pretty fun at times when I get the calls.
I'm feeling a little down trying to stay in contact with everyone.
I'm having such a hard time with aunt drama and all the legal stuff from that.
I am at a good place, though. I'm getting my Masters. I have great friends. My car is paid off. I have an iPhone. I have money in the bank. I am employed. It rained today. So sure, I like life.
53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
No. I need complete darkness and only the noise of my air filter.
54. Can you handle the truth?
Be truthful with me. That's all I ask. I hate lies. I hate my aunt. She is not truthful. I like my friends because we can be completely honest with each other.
55. Do you have good vision?
Yep
56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
I hate my aunt.
3 people... I'm searching...
Only 1 comes to mind...
Hate is such a strong word, but after what she has done to my grandma, to my family, to me, sure, hate.
Dramatic? No.
She deserves whatever happens to her.
57. How often do you talk on the phone?
All the time. Yay for friends with AT&T like The Guy, Gonzo, Joe, Chris, and more.
I hate texting.
58. The last person you held hands with?
Probably Chris a few months back at the movies or walking from the movies.
59. What are you wearing?
Gray GAP pullover sweater and blue fleece sweatpants here at home
At work I was rocking the Gray GAP sweater, Navy blue Levi jeans, and Navy blue Vans casuals
Also have to include the important undergarment, which would be turquoise trunks
60.What is your favorite animal?
a dog
a guy
61. Where was your default picture taken at?
I don't have one. On my facebook it was taken in my car and on my myspace it was taken at my old college.
62. Can you hula hoop?
For about 15 seconds
63. Do you have a job?
2
love them
tutor and teacher
64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
Lunch at Wienerschnitzel
2 necklaces at Forever 21 for my cousin that she told me she liked
65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yes... when I locked myself out of the house
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Made it through the weekend
Wanted to say thanks sooooo much to everyone who messaged me, commented, or emailed me to comfort me. I made it through the weekend, which was difficult, especially Saturday. I was with family, that added, yet helped the anxiety. We did go out to lunch at a nice restaurant on Saturday, bought a living room set, I went to The GAP, and got a lot of other shopping done. Good time!
Oh, and I bought yellow corduroy pants. Yes. I'm daring.
I think I need to find some shoes that match now. I can't really wear yellow cords and a blue shirt with brown shoes now, can I?
Oh, and I bought yellow corduroy pants. Yes. I'm daring.
I think I need to find some shoes that match now. I can't really wear yellow cords and a blue shirt with brown shoes now, can I?
Friday, October 9, 2009
Still hurting
It has been 3 weeks since my grandma died, but I'm still hurting. The feelings I was feeling back then were much of shock and a lot of hurt from what my aunt had done. I had a hard time crying and opening up at first. Now the hurt isn't so much my grandma has gone, it is the hurt, the pain, that my aunt has caused since then.
The weeks that have followed have been extremely difficult because of all the hurdles and stupid things my aunt has done. We are involved in a nasty court battle with her. She is a despicable human being. I cannot believe it. I guess this is where my stress, tears, and worry all come in. It is expensive for the lawyer, which is causing a lot of stress/financial hardship that I constantly hear about. My aunt continues to take stuff out on me and that hurts. I try to not show it- I just ignore it. All of this is taking a toll on me. How many more fucking times can my aunt say something to further hurt me? I know- try to stop her- ignore her- but it never works out and still seeps down in my skin. Some days I get in the car and just want to cry, and do. I feel like I can truly cry here and not feel bad about it. It is where I am alone and for whatever reason the tears come so freely. I'm sure these are tears from the anxiety/worry/stress, but it is tough. I have so few people to talk to (other than a therapist and the 2 people I have told about the drama). I don't have The Guy or others to really talk to. The weekends, like this one, are tough where we have no plans. I love the time away free with friends and when I am not home because everything ceases- no drama- just relaxation and not thinking about the issue.
The weeks that have followed have been extremely difficult because of all the hurdles and stupid things my aunt has done. We are involved in a nasty court battle with her. She is a despicable human being. I cannot believe it. I guess this is where my stress, tears, and worry all come in. It is expensive for the lawyer, which is causing a lot of stress/financial hardship that I constantly hear about. My aunt continues to take stuff out on me and that hurts. I try to not show it- I just ignore it. All of this is taking a toll on me. How many more fucking times can my aunt say something to further hurt me? I know- try to stop her- ignore her- but it never works out and still seeps down in my skin. Some days I get in the car and just want to cry, and do. I feel like I can truly cry here and not feel bad about it. It is where I am alone and for whatever reason the tears come so freely. I'm sure these are tears from the anxiety/worry/stress, but it is tough. I have so few people to talk to (other than a therapist and the 2 people I have told about the drama). I don't have The Guy or others to really talk to. The weekends, like this one, are tough where we have no plans. I love the time away free with friends and when I am not home because everything ceases- no drama- just relaxation and not thinking about the issue.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Random Tidbits from my life
- My mom finally told Linda that her mom had died last Saturday. She wasn't going to, but somehow in conversation it came out. Thursday was an especially difficult day. My mom broke down while calling me on the phone. I have been doing better as the week progresses. I think Linda wasn't going to tell because it would upset Linda, but also Linda has dealt with tons of loss and her thing would probably be very concerned, then let's move on because you've got to- just a guess. My mom also didn't bring it up because there is not much she can- other than what we've done legally- but she told me she isn't really crying because she's so happy grandma is in a better place away from my aunt. Not thrilled about this weekend.
- My mom and sister spent some time watching LOGO last night. My mom realized it was the gay channel when she kept seeing "Boys Gone Wild" ads. They were watching a show called "The Killer Condom." My dad later joined them in watching it. They deemed it was one of those you just had to watch because the title drew you in. Me, I passed, I equated it to watching porn with my family. No. It was pretty hilarious. I heard nonstop laughs from the living room
- I helped out a former teacher, Mr. B, with Back to School Night. He couldn't be there, so he made a video to show to parents, and all I had to do was play it. I just gave a little introduction each time and it was pretty unintimidating, even though I was talking to adults, many much older than me.
- I am finding more than any other time I have a lot of confidence. I mean using last night as an example, or subbing, or giving presentations. Easy deal. I don't mind public speaking- I never have- I just seem to have a new confidence (as much as I hate my voice) where I am less shy.
- Hung out with Chris Sunday night. Went to Target and the Olive Garden. We saw The Informant. Very Austin Powers like is what I told him with the music. We both were expecting something different and Matt, Matt, what happened? We were not turned on by Matt Damon's character.
- Been chatting with Chris a lot online. He was having a hard night Wednesday over the breakup. Last night he was too, and told me he was sad I wasn't there to watch NBC Thursday Night with him. I said next Thursday I'll make sure to be. We somehow got to talking about enjoying each other's company. The conversation got sexual in nature. I was the bad boy in this and told him well, I really like his penis. He asked if I really did. I said mhmmmm and as we chatted we talked about enjoying spending time with each other and then I told him I really liked him. I wanted to throw it out. I did.
- I am going out clubbing at the gay club in my city with Gonzo, Marci, and Viv from work tonight. Not sure Marci and Viv know about me being gay. Should make for an interesting thing when they find out. I don't know if they know it is a gay club or what Gonzo has told them.
- My mom and sister spent some time watching LOGO last night. My mom realized it was the gay channel when she kept seeing "Boys Gone Wild" ads. They were watching a show called "The Killer Condom." My dad later joined them in watching it. They deemed it was one of those you just had to watch because the title drew you in. Me, I passed, I equated it to watching porn with my family. No. It was pretty hilarious. I heard nonstop laughs from the living room
- I helped out a former teacher, Mr. B, with Back to School Night. He couldn't be there, so he made a video to show to parents, and all I had to do was play it. I just gave a little introduction each time and it was pretty unintimidating, even though I was talking to adults, many much older than me.
- I am finding more than any other time I have a lot of confidence. I mean using last night as an example, or subbing, or giving presentations. Easy deal. I don't mind public speaking- I never have- I just seem to have a new confidence (as much as I hate my voice) where I am less shy.
- Hung out with Chris Sunday night. Went to Target and the Olive Garden. We saw The Informant. Very Austin Powers like is what I told him with the music. We both were expecting something different and Matt, Matt, what happened? We were not turned on by Matt Damon's character.
- Been chatting with Chris a lot online. He was having a hard night Wednesday over the breakup. Last night he was too, and told me he was sad I wasn't there to watch NBC Thursday Night with him. I said next Thursday I'll make sure to be. We somehow got to talking about enjoying each other's company. The conversation got sexual in nature. I was the bad boy in this and told him well, I really like his penis. He asked if I really did. I said mhmmmm and as we chatted we talked about enjoying spending time with each other and then I told him I really liked him. I wanted to throw it out. I did.
- I am going out clubbing at the gay club in my city with Gonzo, Marci, and Viv from work tonight. Not sure Marci and Viv know about me being gay. Should make for an interesting thing when they find out. I don't know if they know it is a gay club or what Gonzo has told them.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
To give you an idea what I'm going through
In the obituary my aunt wrote she did not include my name. She included my aunt and uncle, my mom and dad, and of course herself and her husband. She listed my sister and cousins in Oklahoma as grandchildren. She even went on to name the great-grandchildren. But she overlooked my name.
My aunt in OK got to proof the obituary and she said she didn't see my name, sent it back telling my aunt about that error, and forwarded it to me because I asked for it. My aunt said she was ready to send it to be published, and my name was not in the final copy. She did not list me in the fucking obituary. I am as much apart of this family as everyone else. I don't care we don't get along, my parents don't get along with my aunt, and they were included. My sister, too. Have some decency. Have some class. Have some respect. I know it is just an obituary, a name in the newspaper, whatever, but hell, words hurt, verbal or in print.
Wednesday morning edit: The obituary is in our newspaper this morning and my name is not there. That hurts beyond belief. I saw my grandma's name, threw the paper across the room, began bawling, and then went back to read it. So cruel.
My aunt in OK got to proof the obituary and she said she didn't see my name, sent it back telling my aunt about that error, and forwarded it to me because I asked for it. My aunt said she was ready to send it to be published, and my name was not in the final copy. She did not list me in the fucking obituary. I am as much apart of this family as everyone else. I don't care we don't get along, my parents don't get along with my aunt, and they were included. My sister, too. Have some decency. Have some class. Have some respect. I know it is just an obituary, a name in the newspaper, whatever, but hell, words hurt, verbal or in print.
Wednesday morning edit: The obituary is in our newspaper this morning and my name is not there. That hurts beyond belief. I saw my grandma's name, threw the paper across the room, began bawling, and then went back to read it. So cruel.
Monday, September 21, 2009
What happened- in response to the last post
Well, Saturday morning my grandma died. We had known her health had been on the decline for the past month.
A text message, some investigating on my end, sifting through the lies, calling around, and more to find out about my grandma's health. Lies from my aunt about grandma's health. Cussing me out nonstop and saying other not so nice things all weekend. The lies and deception pretty much explain the entire weekend. My aunt is one sneaky bitch, and we're trying to be two steps ahead of her at all times. We think she was lashing out against me to make her next move. It's a mess.
I haven't really had a time to break down all weekend. I felt trapped, and that's why I said I had nobody to turn to. I had nowhere to go and cry, just let all the feelings out. Thankfully I was not called to sub today. I did break down this morning when my iPod mix played one of my grandma's favorite songs.
She was from W. Va and she would recite this song when explaining why she liked W. Va. This was one of her favorite songs to dance with my grandpa. He only went to 1 high school reunion, and the one he went to was held in the W. Va state capitol because someone from his graduating class ended up being the governor of W. Va. My grandma said that she got to dance in the dome of the capitol and it was lit up with blue lights.
I really want to say thanks to Bruce, JC, Masked AEK, James, El Genio, ezminty, anonymous, and everyone else who checked in with me over the weekend, or left a comment. I truly appreciate it to know that so many people care about me.
A text message, some investigating on my end, sifting through the lies, calling around, and more to find out about my grandma's health. Lies from my aunt about grandma's health. Cussing me out nonstop and saying other not so nice things all weekend. The lies and deception pretty much explain the entire weekend. My aunt is one sneaky bitch, and we're trying to be two steps ahead of her at all times. We think she was lashing out against me to make her next move. It's a mess.
I haven't really had a time to break down all weekend. I felt trapped, and that's why I said I had nobody to turn to. I had nowhere to go and cry, just let all the feelings out. Thankfully I was not called to sub today. I did break down this morning when my iPod mix played one of my grandma's favorite songs.
She was from W. Va and she would recite this song when explaining why she liked W. Va. This was one of her favorite songs to dance with my grandpa. He only went to 1 high school reunion, and the one he went to was held in the W. Va state capitol because someone from his graduating class ended up being the governor of W. Va. My grandma said that she got to dance in the dome of the capitol and it was lit up with blue lights.
I really want to say thanks to Bruce, JC, Masked AEK, James, El Genio, ezminty, anonymous, and everyone else who checked in with me over the weekend, or left a comment. I truly appreciate it to know that so many people care about me.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Numb
I should feel tears. I know they are there, but they won't come. I just need to and want to cry, but can't. Last night I could have completely broken down, but held myself together for fear of crying in front of my parents, which is stupid. Now, now, when it has actually happened I can't seem to. Is it that I have distanced myself from the situation for so long that I don't feel anything, just numb?
At a moment I need someone to be close to I don't have anyone to talk to. This is so screwed up. The way we are handling this. My dad, especially. I am here and can't let myself cry. The Guy is off in Detroit and not returning calls/texts (he hasn't for the past month). I don't feel like talking to Gonzo or anyone like that because I doubt the tears would come/feel the comfort I want/need.
At a moment I need someone to be close to I don't have anyone to talk to. This is so screwed up. The way we are handling this. My dad, especially. I am here and can't let myself cry. The Guy is off in Detroit and not returning calls/texts (he hasn't for the past month). I don't feel like talking to Gonzo or anyone like that because I doubt the tears would come/feel the comfort I want/need.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
I'm Ready to Run... away... care to come along?
--- Woke up and got a haircut at 8:30a.m.
Had to take sis with me to get her hair trimmed... she is not a nice person before 10:00a.m. or so, so that wasn't fun and lasted until 11a.m.
--- Went to Staples for a mailer for a shirt that I had to return
They had a 6 pack of mailers, not 1 and so I had to end up buying a box that cost $2.49. Thankfully the shipping cost was covered to return the shirt.
--- Realized I had no cash in my wallet and felt lame having to ATM the $2.49 box.
--- I try to call the architect only to discover there was a cell phone outage in the area.
--- Went home and had enchiladas for lunch (the good part of the day)
--- Went to get the mail and send the shirt, pass my grandma's house and realize her driveway is nonexistent
The county resurfaced the road and "improved" it. They took out the asphalt that made it look like a driveway and put up a curb so it is impossible to get in her driveway. Then there is now a 2 foot long, 1 foot deep hole where part of the driveway used to be. Also realize her mailbox has been knocked down. I had to call the county and explain her driveway was no longer in existence and how I need them to come now. They said they would. County basically said they'd never block a driveway... right... I'm sure. Didn't bother to check if they fixed it and repaved her driveway, but will see tommorow morning and if not will call and raise hell again. Handled this problem behind my mom's back instead of giving it to her because she was dealing with enough stress relating to my grandma.
--- Got a jury duty summons in the mail... I'm going to be like my mom I swear who gets 1 yearly. This is my 2nd time getting jury duty. Curse at the thought of spending a day of summer vacation doing jury duty.
--- Get frustrated hearing about all the problems/bad treatment from my aunt in Nor Cal.
--- Let out an F bomb about 4:30 when I realized I missed my fingerprinting for substituting and it takes a while to get an appointment. UGH. I need to have those by the 21st. UGH.
--- Also about this time I also realize it is my dad's birthday tommorow and have no clue what to get him. He doesn't want clothes, has all the electronics, gift cards aren't for him (he loses them). Went to the mall and Best Buy only to come home empty handed. Still trying to find something.
--- Had some random idiot try to cut me off by making a right hand turn from the far left lane and crosses 3 lanes of traffic to make a right turn with me.
--- Didn't make it to the gym
--- I did make some scrumptious marshmallow crispy treats and indulged in those to make me feel better. Realized marshmallow crispy treats make everything better.
The idea of running away still sounds tempting though...
Had to take sis with me to get her hair trimmed... she is not a nice person before 10:00a.m. or so, so that wasn't fun and lasted until 11a.m.
--- Went to Staples for a mailer for a shirt that I had to return
They had a 6 pack of mailers, not 1 and so I had to end up buying a box that cost $2.49. Thankfully the shipping cost was covered to return the shirt.
--- Realized I had no cash in my wallet and felt lame having to ATM the $2.49 box.
--- I try to call the architect only to discover there was a cell phone outage in the area.
--- Went home and had enchiladas for lunch (the good part of the day)
--- Went to get the mail and send the shirt, pass my grandma's house and realize her driveway is nonexistent
The county resurfaced the road and "improved" it. They took out the asphalt that made it look like a driveway and put up a curb so it is impossible to get in her driveway. Then there is now a 2 foot long, 1 foot deep hole where part of the driveway used to be. Also realize her mailbox has been knocked down. I had to call the county and explain her driveway was no longer in existence and how I need them to come now. They said they would. County basically said they'd never block a driveway... right... I'm sure. Didn't bother to check if they fixed it and repaved her driveway, but will see tommorow morning and if not will call and raise hell again. Handled this problem behind my mom's back instead of giving it to her because she was dealing with enough stress relating to my grandma.
--- Got a jury duty summons in the mail... I'm going to be like my mom I swear who gets 1 yearly. This is my 2nd time getting jury duty. Curse at the thought of spending a day of summer vacation doing jury duty.
--- Get frustrated hearing about all the problems/bad treatment from my aunt in Nor Cal.
--- Let out an F bomb about 4:30 when I realized I missed my fingerprinting for substituting and it takes a while to get an appointment. UGH. I need to have those by the 21st. UGH.
--- Also about this time I also realize it is my dad's birthday tommorow and have no clue what to get him. He doesn't want clothes, has all the electronics, gift cards aren't for him (he loses them). Went to the mall and Best Buy only to come home empty handed. Still trying to find something.
--- Had some random idiot try to cut me off by making a right hand turn from the far left lane and crosses 3 lanes of traffic to make a right turn with me.
--- Didn't make it to the gym
--- I did make some scrumptious marshmallow crispy treats and indulged in those to make me feel better. Realized marshmallow crispy treats make everything better.
The idea of running away still sounds tempting though...
Monday, July 16, 2007
MY AUNT HAS NO HEART
Automatically when the phone rings before 9a.m. or so I get worried. My first thought is always something happened to grandma. And this morning it almost came through... my aunt called at 6:33 this morning and left a message on our answering machine "grandma is a vegetable." The answering machine is in my room and when I heard my aunt's voice I get a knot in my stomach, then I think my grandma is in a coma once I heard vegetable. NOT THE CASE, BUT HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SOOOOO CRUEL AND MAKE UP SUCH A MEAN LIE??? WELL... TO GET OUR ATTENTION. MY AUNT IS SICK. Spent a couple hours on the phone with my aunt in Oklahoma to find out this was a lie and what is really going on, but this was so uncalled for. This morning has been an emotional roller coaster and I'm sick to my stomach and things just seem to be getting worse.
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