2007 Wrap-up - WISHING YOU ALL THE BEST IN 2008

2007 has been an incredible year for me. I was hoping it would be in comparison with 2006. Without going into too many details 2006 was full of family drama that I found myself in the middle of because I was able to handle it since I'm close to home all day. 2006 was full of disappointments with my grandma and aunt in Nor Cal. I can honestly say 2006 was one of the worst years I've had and 2007 more than made up for it.

2007 found me branching out in many ways- being more social, wanting to meet more people, exploring my interests in guys, and trying harder academically.

I'm very proud of my GPA. My overall GPA went up by .25 and I took some very challenging classes, especially at the beginning of 2007. I found myself channeling and focusing in on school to compensate for other areas of my life that weren't going so well. The work paid off and things did improve in other areas. This past quarter I had a near perfect GPA. I did receive straight A's, but at my wonderful (note the sarcasm) institution of higher learning, you get 3.67 points for an A-, instead of 4. I did manage to get a 3.89, so I won't complain.

I continue to be able to juggle home life- spending time with the family, helping out around the house, and dealing with all of the problems with my aunt and grandma with working part time (up to 18 hours a week), going to school full time, and interning 10 hours a week. My internship is now over and it was an enjoyable experience. I did get an awesome letter of recommendation out of it. I thought that I would be constantly busy, constantly on the go, no time for The Guy, or friends this past quarter, but that was far from the case. I was always busy, but I was able to make time for The Guy and friends. The following quarters will prove to be less intense, but I'm proud to say I was able to juggle all of this.

I found things going better family-wise in 2007. I continued to get along with my parents for the mostpart, despite the fact I've hidden so much from them in this past year. They continue to trust me and support me (both emotionally and financially), so that is a good thing. I continue to have their respect. We have our disagreements, but overall things are going well with them. I do worry that my parents will found out about me, which I haven't had to worry about in the past.

Socially, I have branched out and tried to meet more people at my college. I did accomplish that, but I still haven't met friends that I'd want to hang out with outside of school. I have developed some really great friendships this year, like with The Guy. I have also became closer to friends like Gonzo, who I felt comfortable enough to come out to. Since coming out we're much closer and I don't feel as bound lying to a good friend. I began 2007 very depressed and lonely and was determined to make that change.

Work was a lot of fun this year. I love working at the high school, working with the kids, working with the freshmen classes especially (crazy, I know). I have a fan club in the junior class that every time I walk in the room they yell out "MIKE!" I certainly feel loved. I am a lead tutor along with Gonzo, so we have seniority and so that has its perks. I have a new boss and I can do no wrong in her eyes. I have become closer to coworkers D and N. I'm not sure how much longer I will be around there- I may work just 1 day a week at the high school. I did not get a pay raise this year, despite the fact I have been at the high school for 3 years. The damn school board would not approve a $2.50-$5.00 per hour raise depending on how much college you have completed and seniority, which has caused me to look at other options. I have been hired to substitute, which pays almost triple what I make in a day at the high school. It will mean a longer commute to work, but I am ready for a change, the adventure, and the challenge.

I continue to have a don't mess with me attitude when it comes to things at work, dealing with my aunt, and stuff like that. It has made me stronger.

I did a lot of things I never expected I would do in 2007 that constitute me branching out. I posted ads on craigslist and met up with a kid from my college and met The Guy through craigslist. This took a lot of guts on my part, but I'm proud to say I did it. I feel kind of dirty saying that I did resort to craigslist, but oh well. I really was lonely and I wanted to explore men. I wasn't going to let myself slip that low and hook up with any guy, because that's not how I am. I was planning on playing it safe and I did. I lost my virginity- never thought that would happen so soon. I really don't regret that, which I find a little surprising, but I credit that to I met someone who I was comfortable with.

I got in shape at the gym- and am proud of the results. I never thought that going to the gym would give me a lot more confidence. I actually lost 3 inches off of my waist. I was not fat to begin with, in fact far from that- now I'm simply more toned.


I met a bunch of awesome bloggers and readers who are in the same position as I am, which has been awesome and a relief to know I wasn't the only guy going through this, which I think just encouraged me even further to come out. I've enjoyed the support, being able to bounce ideas off you guys, talk about random things, and overall just getting to know each other. It has been fun and I enjoy chatting with you guys. I know that it was a big help to be able to have K and Kelly to talk to/text at various times when I tried to come out to Gonzo but didn't have the courage and needed the extra push and encouragement. Thanks guys! It was awesome being able to meet Dan during my stopover in OKC this summer . It was awesome to meet him face to face and put a face to the blog, but also talk to a guy from the same sort of upbringing, etc. It was fun meeting Kelly at Chevys and Yardhouse for dinner. I enjoyed getting to also meet JR and Hamilton in November when all of us LA bloggers took on the OC Performing Arts Center and saw "Jersey Boys."

Here's to another great year in 2008 and making more strides to be more social and come out!

HAPPY 2008 GUYS!!!

Stater Brothers trip

There was an ad on craigslist The Guy and I both saw where a man was going to go to Stater Brothers to pick up food and a guy to take back to his house to jack off with. That wasn't our reason for going to Stater Brothers though. The Guy had IM'd me early Sunday morning saying he had no food in the house. Finally about 6p.m. he said I should come help him shop at Stater Brothers because it is just so fun going with him- his random quips, his complaints, and things of that sort. I agreed.

So we went to Stater Brothers and he got lots of yogurt, bagels, vitamin water, energy drinks, a rotisserie chicken, and rice.

We were almost back to The Guy's place when he asked me about New Years plans. Unfortunately I have none since almost all of my friends are working tonight. He said we need to party it up since he can't make it to WeHo with is friend Zach. He said he was going to call Aaron because he would be fun to party with. Aaron has a party to go to, but whether or not he decides to go will be determined.

We put groceries away and The Guy made the chicken and the rice for dinner. We watched "The Sound of Music" while doing this. He knows the lines of the movie word for word. HAHA. He also knows all of the "Star Wars" movies word for word. We sat around and he cleared his Tivo, then we watched 2 episodes of "Law and Order." Then we watched some "Arrested Development." We both fell asleep during the 2nd episode at it was 1:00a.m. I drove home and made it in 29 minutes. YAY!

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!

Spanish lessons

The Guy called me at 8:50 this morning as he was driving to work to talk. We asked what each other was up and he asked if I could walk his dog for him today and go swimsuit shopping with him. He got off work at 1, would be home at 2, and had to work out with his personal trainer from 3-4p.m. in the pool at the gym.

I got a call at 1:20 and he said he was leaving work and to meet him at 2. I get a call as I'm driving over and he said he'd meet me at Sports Authority the exit before his house. I said sounded good.

Got there and he had already picked out indoor swimming goggles and was looking for Nike shorts that he wears around the house. They only had 1 pair. We get those, then check out.

I get a call from The Guy as we're leaving the parking lot saying he forgot to get an ankle brace. We turn onto the busy street, then take another exit back into the parking lot. The Guy is on the phone with me at this time telling me how he hates people like the person in the Mercury Mountaineer in front of him who was just sloww. Then he hated the people in the 2 raised trucks that just looked so ugly. He goes on one of his hysterical rants again about how he hates people and all the people he hates, how he is surprised people just don't start dying, and how he likes me.

We went back into Sports Authority and got the braces. As we're walking out The Guy tells me I'm really quiet today. I mean sure, I didn't ask him how he was doing, stuff like that, the usual greetings. So we're in our respective cars driving back to his place and I get a text message from him:

The Guy: OMG I hate people! You're so quiet right now too
Me: Shhh
The Guy: What? I can't hear you
He calls me and tells me to speak louder.
Me: Yells loudly HI
The Guy: No good sorry
Me: I'm a rockstar in my own car, singing at the top of my lungs
The Guy: Sounds like the whisper of a butterfly's wings
The Guy: inside a glass jar under my pillow
Me: LALALA

Now the only reason I was texting him while driving was we hit every red light and they were long read lights at that, giving me plenty of time to safely text. As we get out of our cars in his carport I make sure I am singing just to prove to him I'm not being quiet. They were playing "How Far is Heaven" by Los Lonely Boys on the radio, so I get out of the car singing "How Far is Heaven... I've just got to know how far it is... etc"

We get back to his place and he puts on his speedo to wear to the gym, which looked REALLY hot on him. He is a swimmer and used to play polo- he coached swimming for 11 years. He gets out his new toys from Sports Authority and we stand around talking. He shaves because he wants to look hot for his personal trainer. HAHA.

I walk his dog for about 40 minutes around his condo complex. His dog annoyed me. He behaved on the walk and so that was great. The Guy gave me 2 of the doggy mess bags for his dog when he used the bathroom and 2 was not enough. His dog went 4 different times. I had to go back to the house to get more to pick up after the dog. Yay for me- I live in the county and my doggies don't need to be walked and I don't have to pick up after them.

The Guy gets back at 4:30 and we're both starved. We decide to go for Mexican food. I had enchiladas, which were really good. It was funny when we were ordering The Guy ordered his food and the woman helping us had a thick Spanish accent. I said I'd like the enchilada plate. She asked cheese, chicken, or steak enchiladas. I said "queso" and she said queso to ask and make sure. I said si. It was the funniest thing. It hit me after I ordered that I ordered in Spanish for my food and didn't even notice it. The Guy got a kick out of it. I don't know how I slipped into that when the woman was speaking in English, but I guess it was the accent or something and I just started talking. That's what I get for studying Spanish and going for a minor in Spanish.

We went into CVS while our food was being made for drinks and snackiepoohs (The Guy's word). We got a keypad battery for his car alarm. While looking at the microwave popcorn The Guy says "mantaquilluh extra," what flavor is that? I laugh so hard and say something along the line of that is a good flavor. He asks what it is. I say "it is butter in Spanish." He says oh, I didn't know that. Being the Spanish minor that I am, I had to step in and say that I was I was very disappointed in his poor pronunciation of the word and I proceeded to sound it out for him "mante-key-yuh." Then I explained to him that there is a double "l," which makes sort of a "y" sound. I used the example of the last name Carrillo and explained that had the same thing going on with the double "l's" and so it made a "y" sound. He laughs at my attempts to help him out in Spanish.

We go back to his place, eat, watch "Law and Order," and play around on our computers browsing myspace etc. I sign on AIM to try to engage in the blogger chat, but The Guy noticed my attention wasn't on him and he was a little jealous. During all of this we're snacking on Sour Cream and Onion flavored Pringles, beef jerky, and Vitamin Water. We ate 2 big bags of beef jerky and 1 can of Pringles. The Guy told me to take the other can of Pringles he bought and put it in my car, take them home, and enjoy them.

We were about to go out to Best Buy for "Law and Order" on DVD, but they only had season 15, and 1-5. He wanted 5 and newer. He also wanted them in high definition, which they didn't have, so we didn't.

About 9p.m. The Guy asks me how I'm feeling. He said he had heartburn and I said my stomach was feeling ehhhh. He asked what we should get to fix that. I said Tums or Pepcid AC. He asked if I would go to CVS to get Pepcid AC, Tums, Alka Seltzer, and Vitamin water... all of that for a little heartburn. I said sure, because I was also feeling icky. I guess after sitting up in the car, as opposed to laying down on the couch I feel heartburn start to set in. I go in and grab Tums, Alka Seltzer, and Vitamin Water. I get back to The Guy's place and we take our Tums and Alka Seltzer.

We go into the office and he buys "Family Guy Season 5 and 6" on Itunes and we watch videos on the new possible iPhone updates and new Windows smart phones. He says he wasn't impressed with the Windows phones, but liked the new iPhone updates. He showed me cool stuff on his iPhone like a favorites list for the people in your address book you call most often. I'm on the list along with his brother, mom, best friend Zach, Aaron, and Louis. I'm at the bottom, but that's a good thing he says because he calls me the most and I'm the easiest to get a hold of. We were both sitting in the room and seeing who could burp louder and stuff like that. See, we're real guys. I left his place at 10p.m.

Remington Steel and a sprained ankle

Lots of ground to cover...

Christmas Eve

Chatted with The Guy on yahoo about 8:30p.m. Christmas Eve. Finally at 9 he says I should come hang out if I could sneak away. I could- my dad was on the phone with an army friend, my mom was crocheting, my sister was doing whatever sisters do. Drove over to his place, brought the ice cream that I was told never to bring because I was in the Christmas spirit. We ate the ice cream and then went to his bedroom to watch Remington Steel. We watched 2 episodes. He fell asleep during the second. I did also. It was 12:30a.m. when I left and I got home at 1:00a.m. It was great to "wake up" from my tired state and wish him Merry Christmas. We said Merry Christmas to each other and he waved goodbye with his now injured foot.

It was kind of hard to pull away from the family on Christmas Eve because afterall it was 9p.m. I told my parents that I was going out with my friends Mike and Steve. I felt like a Remington Steele in a way where little is known about him... my parents know little about me and my whereabouts... it is always lies... haha.

I took The Guy's Christmas gift over with every intention on giving it to him, since he had given me mine the night before. I left it in the car however since it was dark out and I didn't see it.

Christmas Day
Woke up and opened up gifts. This was the first time we have EVER opened up Christmas gifts on Christmas as I said in my previous post. My mom wanted to wait so Christmas wouldn't seem like any other day. At the time on Christmas Eve, we hadn't been invited to my aunt's house. They forgot to invite us.

I get a call at 10:30a.m. as we're about to open up presents and my cousin is apologizing for forgetting to invite us and asking if we are free and interested in coming. We said yes.

My family exchanged gifts. I loved the gifts I picked for everyone. I really love giving gifts and getting everyone something they won't expect. I got a lot of clothes. No Macbook Pro. Soon though!

The best gift I gave yesterday was to my aunt. It was a big hit. It was all 1950s candy- a lot of the candy you can't find anymore. I saw this on Unwrapped on Food Network and knew it was something she'd like. She opened the box, chuckled, then showed her sister, then my cousin K came over and looked and talked about her favorites, how she had seen that on Food Network also, etc. etc. Then my uncle came over and got a kick out of it. Then all of my other cousins were over soon enough checking it out.

It was so great to see all of my dad's sister-in-law's family. I just love them all. We ate and ate- prime rib, cupcakes, ham, cupcakes, mashed potatoes, cupcakes, 7 layer bean dip, and more cupcakes. My cousin K made the most delicious strawberry cupcakes with vanilla chips and vanilla icing on top. I must have had 10 cupcakes. I need to gain weight through according to one of my aunts who said that I looked emaciated. They only see me 3-4 times a year and always tell me I look like I'm growing and that I'm too skinny. I have just been working out.

Played touch football with all of the little kids, my uncle, and 2 of my cousin's husbands. It was my uncle, one of my cousin's husband's and his kid, my sister, and me on one team and everyone else on the other. My team was certainly better, but we didn't score until the last quarter. We scored twice then, making the score 2-2. It was a tie and the game will be continued at Easter. My team would have won if my little cousin wasn't captain and my sister had listened when she was told to run toward the fire hydrant and took off in the other direction and was tackled by a cousin's husband.

Went home and chatted with The Guy. He had a good Christmas with his family, however he was sad that he couldn't walk. We chatted and he said he thought he sprained his ankle while out with his dog. He was running, playing with his dog, tripped over a pine cone and his foot rolled over it.

Post-Christmas Day (thanks JR for that phrasing)
I woke up at 7:30 to the light shining brightly in my bedroom. I was determined to lay in bed, watch TV, and stay under the nice warm blankets. At 8:00a.m. I hear the yahoo messenger instant message sound. I figure The Guy probably just woke up and got on the computer or it was a spam message cuz afterall, he is the only one who would IM me so early in the morning. I had left my computer signed on IM all night because my cousin was sending me all the pictures from Christmas and they hadn't downloaded when I went to bed.

I get about 10 instant messages and figure it IS The Guy and he is bored. I guessed right- it was The Guy and he said he needed help. He couldn't walk and he needed my help. He asks if I'm busy, still sleeping, or what the case was. I said I'm up, just enjoying myself and the nice warm bed, but I'll come over, no big deal.

I get over to his place at 9:15. His kitchen door was locked- I usually just walk in that door. I call him and he doesn't pick up. I yell his name and he doesn't hear since his TV is so loud. I walk around to the living room door and knock. He heard me, his dog barks, and he asks why I walk around. I tell him and apologize for having him get up.

I see his ankle. His ankle had about a 3-4 inch bruise going down it. He lays down on the couch and puts ice on it and elevates it. We watch "Law and Order." He jokes around and tells me he needs me there with him until 5p.m. when Aaron gets off work. I said ok... can do. The Guy calls his mom and tells her that he is going to the doctor at 12. I help The Guy out as much as I can getting him a glass of water or whatever from time to time when he asks.

At 12:00p.m. The Guy goes out to his car and gets in. I am thinking wait, you're injured, you're driving, and we're taking your car? There is a problem. The Guy drove to his doctor's office. When we get in the driveway he asks me to park the car so he can hobble in. I said no problem and seriously was hoping I wouldn't drive his car the rest of the day.

I was thinking how weird it was I had never driven his car... not that I wanted to or anything, because really I didn't- it is HIS car. I have a car and I drive it. I don't need his. I guess it is the whole comfort thing- I feel comfortable driving my car and when you drive someone else's car you always want to be extra cautious etc. His car drives a lot different than mine as far as acceleration and braking, but it was alright- we all made it safely. Guess that shows I'm a good driver. Since I'd never sat in the driver's seat of The Guy's car it surprised me that it is exactly how I would position it. He had the seat up as high as it goes, nearly as far back as it goes, and the steering wheel was just right. That shocked me because I am pretty tall (6'2'') and The Guy is only 5'9''. My parents are his height and I have to scoot their seats back nearly all the way when I drive their cars.

Anyways, I wait in the waiting room playing a game on my cell phone when he comes hopping out. He asks me to bring the car up. I figure ok, I can bring the car up since I did park far away and he doesn't have crutches yet. I bring the car up and he is hopping around going to the passenger seat. He says "off to the hospital" and I ask him the quickest way to get there since there were 3 or 4 ways we could get there. He tells me surface streets. I drive about 5 miles to the hospital. He forgot what street it was on and didn't bother to look at the address on the receipt. I knew it was right off the freeway and wasn't sure of the exit since I don't know the area as well as he does. We spend our time winding through surface streets, but finally make it.

Get to the hospital, am told where to go. I drop The Guy off and go to park. I had to park at the other end of the hospital. I trek back to the x-ray department and tease The Guy about how far he's going to have to walk. He says no, he's not walking because I'm bringing the car. Ok... that was it... I found out I was driving the rest of the day.

We wait and The Guy gets his x-rays. The nurse got The Guy insisted The Guy had a wheelchair and wheeled him into x-rays. I was tempted to snap a shot on my camera phone, but figured that wouldn't be too nice. It might be a good conversation piece, but I'm not that mean. He was done within 30 minutes. While he was waiting though, we sat around and talked about how Kaiser is different than Blue Cross like he has. I hiked to get the car, then came and got The Guy.

I drove to CVS so The Guy could get his Motrin and crutches. We get crutches and drop off his prescription, get drinks, and then go back to his place. The Guy had an argument with the woman in the pharmacy over crutches. He had to pay out of his pocket for them, despite the fact he had a prescription because CVS doesn't bill insurance. He'd have to go to a medical supply place. Lame.

We're both hungry by this time, so I drive in MY CAR to Bakers Square for burgers for us. It was good- the fries were seasoned today. The burger was good. The Guy ordered an appetizer with onion rings and he gave me those since he doesn't like them.

I brought my gift in for The Guy. I had forgot to bring it in earlier. I got him a Chipotle gift card. I had no clue what to get him and knew that he liked Chipotle, so that seemed like a good idea. It was. His face just lit up when I gave it to him and he had the biggest smile on his face. He was surprised I think. What was funny was The Guy was talking afterward that he got Aaron a Chipotle gift card for his Christmas gift and birthday gift. The Guy got me a 90 day subscription to continue playing Everquest... partly because he knows I won't pay for it. haha. He had it wrapped by amazon.com... haha... that's so typical of something he'd do! It really did make my day yesterday to get his gift. I kept it and didn't open it until Christmas and just to have his gift to open really did make my day. He said he felt bad by getting me so little. I told him that wasn't the case and not to worry. He said he'll make it up to me by giving me tons of cool software for my Mac.

After lunch, The Guy was in real need. He had me get him his pills. Then he wanted a Monster Energy Drink with 4 ice cubes in a tall clear glass. He had to make it complicated by demanding only 4 ice cubes. It was funny. I was standing over him as he was laying on the couch when he asked for this. He was asking me how much I hate him right now. He asked "this much?" and held out his thumb and index finger about 5 inches to ask if I hated him that much. I said no, then he went down to about 3 inches. Finally I piped in and said this much. I had my thumb and index finger pressed together to show I didn't hate him at all. How can you hate his adorable face?

We sat around watching TV and he played on his computer until about 5p.m.

At 5p.m. or so he wanted me to help him shower. He was going to have me get in the shower and use me to hold himself up, but he didn't want me to get in because if Aaron walked in then, it would have been awkward. He did have me dry him off with a towel after his shower. While he was showering I talked on the phone to Aaron who is directonally challenged and told him how to get to The Guy's house. Then I picked up and got all the clothes off the floor, so The Guy won't trip with his crutches.

Aaron got there about 5:30 and we sat around chatting. Today was his birthday. He is 20. He tried to tell The Guy and I he was 21, so we needed to get the booze out. We were both skeptical. I remember when I first met him he said he was 20. The Guy said he met Aaron when he was 20 1/2 and he remembered that because Aaron must count or something because he was saying a few weeks back he was 20 3/4. I remembered because he was trying to tell me he was older than me, even though he was 19, but the fact he was born in December made him older than me because I was born in January. Aaron asked when my birthday was and I told him a little less than 2 weeks away and I'd be 21... in 2 weeks we'll be breaking out the booze. The Guy then laughed and asked what he was doing hanging out with two 20 year olds.

We talked about Aaron's birthday, what we got for Christmas, stuff like that, and just hung around watching "Chelsea Lately." Aaron did the dishes for The Guy by putting them in the dishwasher. He likes to wash them by hand because the dishwasher doesn't get everything fully cleaned. The Guy insisted on the dishwasher. I took the trash out and stood around talking with Aaron and The Guy in the kitchen

Finally at 8:00p.m., The Guy was tired and wanted to go to bed. Aaron and I got ready to go. I apparently bothered Aaron by standing around waiting to walk out with him and waiting for him to tie his shoes. He had the same Vans shoes I did, but maybe a size 6 or 7, whereas mine are easily double the size. We all hugged and The Guy thanked both of us for helping him out. I hugged Aaron as we walked out to our cars and wished him Happy Birthday again. I came home and left him a comment on myspace saying happy birthday just to reiterate because he didn't think I said it once I found out. I did. I had said it after The Guy said it.

Merry Christmas/Christmas traditions

I wanted to take a moment to wish everyone a Merry Christmas!

I also wanted to post about a couple of Christmas traditions in my family:

- We always make grandma's molasses oatmeal cookies on Christmas Eve

- When I was little, we would open up presents on Christmas Eve from the family and then the presents from Santa would come (without any wrapping) and would be laid over the couch. Now, we just open up presents on Christmas Eve and if there is a big gift from Santa, then we get it on Christmas Day.

- We always spend Christmas Eve baking cookies and have a cookie exchange with 3 families in the neighborhood.


I was talking with The Guy and his family really doesn't shop for each other for Christmas. Him and his brothers exchange gifts. His parents buy everyone underwear, socks, etc. and then his parents hide money for him and his brother to find. They usually end up with about $1,000 a piece. I thought that was interesting, so I had to share.

Chipotle and more with The Guy and Aaron

I spent about 2 hours this morning laying in bed, under the nice warm covers talking to The Guy over IM. I seriously enjoy talking with him- he always has something new to say and something else going on. He's so random. I laid in bed until 10:30 I think talking to him.

Finally at 1p.m. I met him and Aaron at Chipotle. The Guy had been mentioning that all morning and said Aaron was going to go too. Aaron was already at The Guy's house, so they met me at Chipotle. We ordered, stood in line talking about my dilemma over getting a new computer and how my parents are resilient to (even though I'd be satisfied just receiving a computer for Christmas). My mom claims she'd feel so guilty only buying me a computer for Christmas. I don't see why, when that is WHAT I WANT.

We went back to The Guy's place. I followed behind The Guy and Aaron in my car. The Guy called me while driving to say Aaron said I should try to pull them over cuz my car is perfectly suited for that. We hit AMPM for water before going back to The Guy's. When we got back to The Guy's, Aaron asked me if I was lonely in the car. I said yes, I was having to sing to myself to keep myself company. He said he falls asleep when he is alone. I say I sing to not fall asleep. I burst out into song singing "Makes Me Wonder" by Maroon 5. The Guy and Aaron quickly hushed me up.

We ate our food, then The Guy and I played around on EQ2. It was fun- I ran around and he told me what to do. We watched "X-Men" while doing this. Aaron STILL refuses to play. He just sat next to The Guy and watched.

We took a couple breaks, but for the mostpart The Guy and I sat and played that for about 7 hours straight. We watched "Dreamgirls" since Aaron had never seen it. It gave us a lot to talk about- we took a break at this time. All 3 of us snuggled up close- Aaron on 1 side of The Guy and me on the other and we talked about how The Guy saw this in theaters with his ex. We talked about how amazing Jennifer Hudson was, how Beyonce was, and so on. We watched 2 episodes of "Law and Order," which Aaron protested.

Aaron left about 9 and The Guy and I played for an hour longer while he equipped my character with better gear. I just know how to run around and kill things- not take care of my weapons and armor. The Guy makes fun of me for this.

The Guy and I went out to the jacuzzi where he got in and we talked about Christmas traditions in our families and how my mom would feel guilty only buying me one thing for Christmas. He doesn't get that, and neither do I. He was saying your mom is going to go out, buy clothes- a few things I might like, but overall she'll try to dress me like I am 10 or 50, and then if I don't like them, she'll make me return the clothes. I said yes, you are exactly right; add in the guilt trip... "oh, the clothes will look so good on you, they'll match your eyes, they'll make you look so grown up..." Then I will return the clothes, then she'll hold that against me about how hard I am to shop for and how I don't know how to shop for what looks nice

Afterward, The Guy and I went back inside and at 10:30 I got ready to take off. The Guy asked if I wanted my CHristmas present. I said I guess. I totally forgot his. I will reveal what I got him later, but I left it at home in my room on my desk with the rest of my gifts for friends. I felt bad in that he was giving me mine and I didn't have his. Part of it was because of the craziness of this morning, me not realizing Christmas Eve was tomorrow, but also the fact that Aaron was at The Guy's, so I didn't think he'd give me my present then. The Guy had been asking me for a month what I wanted for Christmas and I told him nothing. He gave me the same answer. Anyways, The Guy said I already know what he got me. I have no clue. It looks like the size of a computer game box. I really don't know what it could be since I wasn't expecting anything. Maybe a subscription to .mac would be my best guess just because I'm getting a Mac. Does that even come in a box? Hmmm... We'll see...

Merry CHristmas everyone! Thanks for checking in on me and everything going on in my life! Hope you guys have a great Christmas!

Myspace: paranoia and evils

I was helping my dad today search for information on a friend of the family's kid. My dad said he'd look online and see if he could find anything to help them out.

I figured the best source for what we were looking for would be myspace since everyone nowadays has a myspace and a lot of people put pretty personal information on their myspaces, which is why I figured that'd be the best route to go.

I was a little hesistant to put my dad on myspace because he may be looking for my account in the future, which is one of my paranoias. Though I don't have anything to hide, I'm very hard to find on myspace just because I like the anonymity. I don't like the idea of my dad checking up on me because I figure I'm pretty trustworthy and I don't like the idea of my parents snooping.

Anyways, myspace was the perfect place to go and I found the 2 people I needed. First comment from my dad was "I guess you can find anything on myspace." The second thing he said was, "have you read Mr. X's profile?" Mr. X was a friend of the person we were searching for. I said no, I was just helping you find what you wanted. He said well, look at this. I sat down next to him at his computer and he was down at the personal information on myspace where sexual orientation is listed. He said "I'm finding out a lot about Mr. X." He had me read the comments on Mr. X's page. Then he went back to the orientation and kept rolling over that with the mouse. He said I figure Mr. X has a lot of problems with his parents and it is because of this. He is looking at me and smiling. Then he puts his arm on my shoulder, which is totally out of character for my dad except when he is trying to be comforting. The last time I remember my dad putting his hand on my shoulder like this was a couple years back when we were at some lecture where a friend of his was speaking and one of the speaker talked about the possibility of there being a gay gene. He did the same thing to me then. My dad is not a touchy, feely person who would usually do this, so that bothered me and sent a chill through me. Anyways, while sitting there my is smiling the whole time and pointing this out this information on Mr. X's myspace to me.

This just really makes me think my dad knows. Why would the fact that Mr. X is gay be of any importance to me otherwise? We weren't even searching for Mr. X. It really wasn't relevant and it was obvious that Mr. X is gay upon meeting him. We have met Mr. X on 3 or 4 occasions and it was obvious to me. Mr. X has his right ear pierced, he wears tight leather pants, he has a rainbow license plate frame on his car.

The Guy and Aaron

The Guy instant messaged me about 5:30 talking about ice cream and asking if the ice cream I brought the other night was still safe at home in my freezer. It was. He said Aaron was there and he wanted some. What did I do? I was covering my behind and texted Aaron to be sure.

His response was "no its ok the guy is being a jokester."

The banter/flirting between The Guy and I and the ice cream went on. As I agreed to come over and was signing off The Guy said to bring the ice cream. I didn't cuz he got after me the other night for giving in too easily.

Then I texted Aaron asking if he was sure. He said "no its fine."
I texted again, "its your call on the ice cream. The Guy is counting on you to make the right choice. Dun Dun Dun."
He didn't respond, so I said "Ding! Time is up. Im in the car speeding away. The Gu ya has you to blame. cant say I didnt try."
He texted me saying "I still blame you."

I got over and walked in to The Guy's place. The Guy and Aaron were sitting next to each other on the couch and they both asked if I had the ice cream. I said no and blamed it on Aaron. Showed my text messages to him to incriminate him- not me. They both talked about how they really wanted it. Then they sat there asking if I brought the ice cream and if it was a joke and it was in the car. I said no.

They both really wanted the ice cream, so Aaron, The Guy, and I deliberated and decided Aaron and I would go to CVS for ice cream. yay! I was hoping for more to go on during the car ride- not a kiss or anything dirty like that, but more intimate talk other than "how are you?" We just rushed in and out of CVS getting ice cream, milk, cereal, and chocolate syrup.

We get back to The Guy's place and begin dishing out the ice cream. We sit on the couch talking about good and bad flavors of ice cream. Mint and chip are good, drumstick flavored ice cream that Aaron chose is bad. Simple as that. We were flirting soooo much it was awesome and everything we were saying ended up having a sexual connotation.

After the ice cream, The Guy was playing EQ and so Aaron sat and watched, refusing to become involved. I didn't blame him. There was a game update and that gave me time to sit and flirt more with Aaron. I was horny- I'll admit and while I didn't think we were going to have a threesome because Aaron is very sensitive about his foreskin and embarrassed about it. He also doesn't manscape, which bothers The Guy. The flirting did help though. We all eventually got under the big down comforter The Guy keeps on the couch to cover up with and sat huddled together, talking, flirting, and watching each other play.

I started a new character in the game and ran around with The Guy playing until about 9:30. The Guy had to be up at 6:30 for work, so we called it a night early.

I want to hang out with Aaron- not for sex, but he is a funny, flirty guy, and we do seem to have a lot in common. So as he was walking to his car I texted him, "I had fun tonight. We should hang out sometime... Maybe go out clubbing or something or out to eat..." He texted me back "Yeah sounds great! Talk to ya later! Bye." He was texting and driving cuz I got that when he was behind me on the 10 freeway. HAH.

I guess the next move for me is to text/call Aaron about hanging out. I think Aaron is a cute guy, but I'm sure there will be no sex, but he is a nice guy who I'd like to get to know better, so I guess I'll make the move and call him.

Mike goes casual

Walked into work yesterday with an unshaven face. I hadn't shaved since Saturday. I was wearing black Reebok track pants. I had on an OP hoodie. First thing my boss says is "that's the most casual I've seen you- I didn't know you did casual." I said I was going for comfy and casual today. She laughed and said that's cool.

Mr. B however saw me and called me out on it. He said he was shocked how casual me, of all people dressed. I laughed it off. Mr. B wears a suit and tie everyday and is always talking about how it is so important to dress professionally. He said he wasn't sure he was ok with me doing that and how he sees me rebelling in so many ways. The only reason he thinks I'm rebelling is a comment I made questioning what someone had done that I disagreed with and he was skeptical about it. Totally unrelated.

Mr. P saw me and he said I was styling. He said I can definitely do the hoodie look (it was the first time I've worn a hoodie to work) and he told me that the track pants are definitely me and they look good. Mr. P teased me about my new look asking who I was out to impress and he was going to have to check them out. I love how he is so gender neutral "them."

At least I didn't run into the principal yesterday, who most definitely would have said something and it wouldn't have been good.

Late night hours with The Guy

Went over to The Guy's Sunday night to play EQ2 and hang out. We sat on the couch playing that and watching "Law and Order." We did take a break to go to the convenience store for some pretzels and 2 energy drinks The Guy is not supposed to be drinking because his trainer at the gym told him not to. We stopped playing about 10 and watched TV on the couch until about 11:30. Finally I said I was tired and was going to go.

Tonight after a lot of flirting online with The Guy about me bringing ice cream for us to have. Here's a little transcript of our convo...
The Guy: so how's my ice cream?
The Guy: safe?
Mike: it is
The Guy: ahh
Me: safe and cold in the freezer
Me: my deep freezer
The Guy: mmmm
Me: i think my freezer is doing a good job at keeping it cold
Me: it is extra cold... it's in a deep freeze... might take a while to thaw
The Guy: wish that were my freezer
The Guy: so the ice creams just sitting there huh
The Guy: i don't want it to go bad
The Guy: get your whole family sick
The Guy: and it would be my fault
The Guy: i'd feel awful, just awful
Me: I know
..... lots of random flirting in between and making fun of each other for various things......
Me: well let me analyze the situation... if i bring the ice cream i'm pretty much damned because you'll dig in, your trainer will beat your ass and probably my ass too cuz you'll snitch on me... and if i don't bring it i'm damned cuz you'll be wondering where it is and who knows what you might do to me

So I didn't end up bringing ice cream, but I did bring Chinese food. This was the best Chinese food I've had in a long time. I'm not usually a fan of Chinese food. I had steamed rice and mushroom chicken. Got to his place without the ice cream and it was ok. He was busy installing Windows Vista on his Macbook Pro.

We ate in the office because he wanted to keep the dog out of the living room, so we all piled in the office and watched the computer screen on his other computer and ate. It was good stuff.

He kept having problems with drivers on the mac not working on Vista. He spent a good 5 hours troubleshooting that and I sat there next to him, we were flirting and chatting about nothing in particular. I do remember talking about computers, food, hot guys, and the like.

We finally settled down about 10p.m. for some "Law and Order"... 2 episodes. Then we watched some "Chelsea Lately" and The Guy realized I don't find it as funny as he does, but it is all good. Fun times.

Finally at 1:00a.m. I said I'm going to take off. He said I don't have to and I said I'm tired and have to drive home. He told me that I'm free to crash there anytime- no big deal. I kind of assumed that, but him telling me was awesome.

Watch out cause here's my ringtone

I love Alvin and the Chipmunks, so what did I do? I made this my cell phone ringtone I'm embarassed to admit. The ringtone has gotten good reception so far though, and everyone thinks it is cute:


While looking for the theme song the other night I ran across this and was slightly disturbed... the chipmunks do other songs like Umbrella by Rhianna, Smack That, and Soulja Boy.

An update on a bunch of things...

As I type this, I'm sitting in the living room. I was watching TV and my mom hijacked the TV. She put on QVC, more specifically Joan Rivers jewelry. That's the only reason my mom watches QVC. Does my mom actually buy any of Joan Rivers' stuff? No, and that is probably a good thing since some of the pieces are probably as plastic as Joan herself is. I plan on going in my bedroom soooooon.

- Last day of class with sexy professor. Today he wore a black suit because he had a gig this afternoon. He was so hot in a suit, but then he took the jacket off and he had a huge obvious bulge in the front of his pants. His ass looked great in the pants too. He didn't wear a tie though- instead he left the top 3-4 buttons undone on his cream colored dress shirt showing off his hot chest.

- Sexy professor gave me an "A" in the class. YAY! He told me I don't have to take the final. He is writing me a letter of recommendation. He told me if I ever need anything to hit him up on myspace.

- I find at work my friendship with B is waning. It is a combination of things. I was tired of her constant complaining about school and she only im'd me when she wanted something. Eventually I just ignored her IM's. I was picking on her at work about a month back, which is not out of the ordinary for me to do and teasing her about being short. She is about 5'4''. I apologized and she told me height was a sensitive subject to her and she said she accepted the apology. Ok, yet when other people tease her it is no big deal. I don't know why she got mad at me for this one instance. Anyways, at work there isn't tension- we're not there on the same days, but when we see each other it is not like before where we'd say hello, ask what each other are doing, etc. etc. I find myself getting close to the "lesbian lovers" as we call them, D and N who are permanently attached together.

- Everyday my sister seems to hit a new low. The other night we were getting allergy shots and my mom saw a friend of her's. We were sitting in the waiting room talking. Her son was entering into a program my sister was in in high school. My mom was saying how it is a good program for this and that reason. My sister couldn't keep her mouth shut and she kept jumping in, talking over my mom, and stuff like that. I was so embarrassed that she did that. But oh well, it wasn't me, so I'm not going to worry. I only spoke when needed and didn't talk over anyone else. My sister thinks she is the expert in every field or something. We're not related.

- Dude, I'm getting another computer... and no I'm not getting a Dell. Dell is sending me a replacement computer, which I plan to sell, then buy a Mac. My mommy rallied for my dad to say we can get me a Mac.

- Told my parents I want concert tickets for Christmas to see Daughtry/BonJovi in February. My mom asked if I had anyone to go with me and if I don't, she volunteered. My mom has never listened to either... haha.

Hung out with The Guy last night. He was chatting with me on IM and I told him I was starving. He told me to come over and bring mint and chip and vanilla ice cream with chocolate fudge. I said ok and he said he'd make lasagna. Sounded good. I get over to his house and we play some EQ2 then take a break for the ice cream. No, he didn't make the lasagna, so I ate hash browns (that I ate at home) and ice cream for dinner.

Aaron called (a friend of The Guy's who seems like a nice guy that I may try to go clubbing with). I was telling The Guy earlier I thought I saw Aaron at the mall. I texted Aaron to see if it was him- it wasn't. The Guy said I did and that he was the one who gave me the blowjob at the mall under the stall. I laughed and said yep, it was good and that he gave a great blowjob. The Guy invited Aaron over, but he didn't want to come.

Then we played EQ2 more. I got used to playing my warlock that I was having a hard time reverting back to my monk that I kept dying and The Guy was too. He seemed upset and I don't blame him, so we had a few arguments.

It was all good though. We made up and he sat with his feet on me watching "Law and Order." We watched 2 episodes and I left about 10:30.

Went to the bathroom before I left and The Guy hopped into bed. We made some small talk and then he joked around that I know how to kill him after watching "Law and Order." I said oh yeah and then gave him a rub on the back to say bye.

- I'm loving this cold weather. It was 40 when I was coming home from The Guy's house last night. I love bundling up. It was so nice and cozy with the heater on in my car. It did get down to 31 last night. That is below freezing.



- Got a funny voice mail from The Guy today. He was telling me how I need a more personal voice mail greeting rather than "hello __phone number___ is not available. Please leave a message after the tone." The Guy was telling me how it needs to be more personal. I called him and told him I like it being nice and generic, but if I could make a voicemail message specifically for The Guy, I would. He texted me back "smart ass."

Words hurt

Even though you might loathe someone and try to ignore everything they say, it is hard. Words hurt. Being told you're a lazy ass, have your head so far up your ass that you can't see the lights of day, how rude I am, how hurtful I am, and all of the things I don't do hurts. In reality, that is far from the truth. She is 600 miles away. She doesn't know half of the story. She may visit once a year. It really hurts because she is family. She doesn't know what I do daily for myself and everyone else. I should be able to say it is just an e-mail and click delete, but I can't. I do have to read the e-mails because my aunt only talks to me in the family, and I just know to brace myself and try to ignore all of the putdowns and thing of all the good things that I do for not only myself, but have done for my grandma, and everyone else.

The only good that comes out of this I guess is that it causes me to become more overly cautious at what I say to people. I try to be more sympathetic and not offend.

Not knowing when and lunch with Gonzo

Went over to The Guy's about 4:30p.m. yesterday when he called me asking if I wanted to play EQ2. I said sure. We played on my new character and I went from being level 5 to 12. We played for about 5 hours. We took a break to have vegetable lasagna, which was actually pretty good. It wasn't like eew nasty, vegetables, but it was just kind of lighter and more airy as far as substance in comparison to regular lasagna.

We took a couple breaks where he called Microsoft because he got a new hard drive and needed to activate Windows Vista. It was fun watching him do that. He had to give the activation code to the computer and he kept using different voices. He sounded British once, then Indian, then Mexican, and stuff like that. I was cracking up sitting in the chair next to him. Also during this break we took his dog out and it was cold outside. Cold as in 45 degrees. I felt bad for The Guy who was only in shorts and a t-shirt. I was cold in a t-shirt, a pullover, and jeans. Typical Californian... haha.

During our second break, I was standing behind him as he was looking at the TV. He asked what I wanted to do. I said I didn't care, but I was standing close to him hoping to hint at what I wanted. Yes, it has been a couple weeks since we fooled around, so I was in the mood. He said he didn't have anything in particular in mind. Then he turned around and he said we could mess around a little bit. I enthusiastically agreed.

He put his dog in the kennel, then shut the door to his bedroom. We went in and cuddled for a brief second before he pushed me down to his cock. I sucked on him while he had his hand down my pants squeezing my butt. I began to undo my belt and he helped. He took my cock out, lubed it up, and began stroking it. I was afraid I'd shoot quickly after not jacking off for days because I haven't had time or haven't been in the mood. I was ok though focusing on his cock and sucking on his balls. Then he pushed me over and we grinded for a while. While we were doing this, he was sucking, licking, and biting my ears. He wasn't biting hard, but just enough to turn me on like you would not believe. My ears are such an erogenous zone- I seriously could have well shot my load I think if he kept it up (I can't believe I just said that.) The Guy asked me during all of this if I like coming over not knowing when and if we're going to have sex. I said yes. He asked why and so on. He wanted the answer because he owns me... haha.

Afterward, we went out and he laid on the couch with his feet on me. I was thinking of leaving since it was about 10:30, but he said to stay. I was pretty tired, and who could resist when he is just so sexy, but also he was trying to make me feel guilty saying I didn't like him anymore. He said it was alright, he saw how it was. He talked me into it. We watched the "Jennifer Lately" show on Tivo. Then we watched an episode of "Law and Order." Then finally I said I had to leave at 11:15 or so because I was very tired and I was. I came home and fell right asleep once I was in the bed, which is unusual for me.

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I was unusually excited when I went to work today mainly because I knew Gonzo and I would be alone. I had some teasers for her about my weekend. I'm like I had a great weekend with The Guy. She was upset I wouldn't spill the beans there at work. I said I'd tell her at lunch. At lunch we went to Subway and I told her about spending time with The Guy last night and more or less gave her the details. She said she was impressed and could tell I truly had a good time. She was very inquisitive and had lots of questions including from last week when I told her that I had spent the night at The Guy's house. She was asking, "so do you guys share a bed?" and stuff like that. I am loving being able to tell her all of this!

Night with Louis and The Guy

Talked to The Guy through IM and by phone a couple times yesterday. He told me to come over and play. I said I will when I finish my final.

Got over to his place about 5:20p.m. He had told me earlier he was going to try to get Louis (his Christian friend who is a couple years older than me and has a hard time admitting he is gay... also one guy I've had a threesome with) to come over to play. Louis started making excuses, but was in the area, so came over.

He was cranky and tired, The Guy was egging him on and making things worse, but it was funny. We hung around in the computer room and talked about random stuff and then set Louis up in the game.

We tried to order Charo Chicken for dinner, but they changed their menu and don't offer sides in the combos anymore, so The Guy said no. Louis said he was craving Chinese food, so Louis drove and we went to the Chinese food place. There were about 10 people ahead of us and not wanting to wait, The Guy opted for Mexican food. That sounded much better in my mind. While waiting for the food we went to CVS for drinks, then got the food and went back to The Guy's place. We sat on the couch eating and watching "Law and Order."

Then we went back into the office and Louis sat up his character. I made a new character and The Guy did as well. We went around killing stuff and then met up with Louis in the game. I like the whole multi-player aspect of this and that The Guy is much more willing to play with me in this game. Louis wanted to leave about 8:30 because he was so tired.

The Guy and I took a break and went out to the living room to watch more "Law and Order." He snuggled where I usually sit on the couch with his dog under the cover. Then about 9:30 The Guy and I were in a snacky mood. Donuts sounded good, but we opted for something healthier. This meant a trip to CVS where we got pretzels. It was funny when we were there- the girl behind the counter was arguing with The Guy about stuff and had a rebuttal for every argument he made like he doesn't need a CVS card since she has too many. The girl behind the counter said, well what's one more? It was funny.

We went back and ate the pretzels, The Guy laid his legs on my lap and we continued our "Law and Order" marathon. About 11:30 I was tired and The Guy was too. He ran into bed and I got my computer to leave. I was surprised he was already in bed, so I went in and thanked him for the evening, then rubbed his arm and locked the door on my way out.

Finding out about each other

Since Gonzo has found out about my bisexuality, our relationship has changed. We were close before, but now we're even closer and are talking about things like sex.

Met her at Jack in the Box tonight for dinner at 9p.m. We talked about why I was so ticked off when she pulled up and she saw me really upset in the car talking to The Guy on the phone about my computer and my dad.

Anyways, we got our orders and the first thing she wanted to know about was what I have done with The Guy. I texted her the other night telling her I was with him, but didn't give details. I said we ate and hung out playing computer games. She asked if there was more. I said yes. There was kissing, making out, and that was about it. She accepted that response.

The conversation then detoured to cute guys and do I think I'm really bisexual, confused, or what. I said no, bisexual. If you guys don't recall my purpose of telling her bisexual is because she knows several of my friends and so it was done for safety reasons. I know however now, I could definitely trust her to keep it a secret. Maybe when time changes I'll tell her I'm gay. She says for now she'll accept I'm bisexual because I haven't really explored with women.

She asked who knows out of my friends and I said she was the first. She was happy that she was the first person I told. She wanted to know why I haven't told other friends and if they'd be alright. I told her which ones would be alright and which ones wouldn't- she pretty much agreed. She asked if my parents knew and I said NO. I said my dad would probably be ok with it, but my mom wouldn't. She was surprised and thought it would be the other way around because she sees what a loving person my mom is. That is quite true, but then there is the whole Christianity issue which was Gonzo's next question. She said she understands and is surprised. She said her parents would pretty much be ok with it, but it would take time. I told her when I might consider coming out and stuff like that. She asked if I felt constrained because my parents don't know. I told her how I've lied and I explained my excuses. She said that she does that too and completely understands. She asked what if I found myself in a relationship how I'd handle it since my parents don't know. I told her I'd play it by ear and probably continue hiding it. I hide The Guy pretty well as it is; while we're not dating I'm constantly making up excuses about going over to his place and am on the phone with him a lot.

She then asked me how far I'd gone with a guy and I said kissing. She said I know you've done more since you've spent the night at The Guy's house, which she found out Saturday morning when I didn't text her and tell her what I was doing with The Guy. I wanted her to know I spent the night though, so it was all in the plan. (None of this stuff did occur this past weekend, though, for those of you keeping track- I don't want everything to sound like a contradiction).

She said she'd tell me what she has donee with her boyfriend and stuff like that if I'd say what I'd done. She has never done anal/vaginal with her boyfriend because she is scared, but they have done other things. So then I opened up and said I've made out and fondled, jacked off, etc. with The Guy. I never mentioned oral. I didn't say I've done anal or any of that because that would be quite a step in just a week. She asked if I would do anal with The Guy and I said I could see myself doing it with him because I feel comfortable with him and I feel a connection, which is what is very important to me. I don't want to be having anonymous, random sex. We talked about my first kiss with a guy and I was drawing a blank. I knew The Guy was not my first kiss, and for the record, it was January 13, 2007 with a kid at my college.

From there, we talked about her job at the fitness center. She told me about a fight between a salesperson and a trainer at the gym tonight where police were called. I wanted to know which trainer, but she wouldn't tell me. I'll find out sooner or later, though. We showed each other pictures on our phones and talked about school, kissing up to teachers, stuff like that.

All in all a good evening. I learned a lot- about a different side of Gonzo I never saw. I never knew she had done what she has with her boyfriend.

Paranoia about excuses continues

I've blogged about this before, but I'm getting uncomfortable about it again. We know that I don't exactly tell my parents the truth when I'm going out. I'll say I'm going to hang out with Steve or Mike or something along those lines.

Last Friday night I told my parents I was going over to Steve's (codename for The Guy). I didn't call and tell my parents I was spending the night. It was 1:30a.m. when I was asked to stay the night and I figured everyone would be asleep. I just figured I'd call my dad Saturday morning and tell him I stayed the night because it was late. He said he figured and had no problem with it. My mom seemed a little more resilient to the fact that I spent the night at a friend's house, but she said it was probably better that I did because it was raining and foggy Friday night.

Saturday and Sunday I was out with The Guy, or Steve.

Last night I went over to The Guy's house. We had just finished dinner at home and I sort of lied and said I'm going out with Melissa to Panera for dinner and to talk. I said I'd be home late. My mom responded with "which girlfriend is that?" I explained how I knew Melissa and left it at that. I got home at 11:15 after everyone was in bed. My dad asked me this afternoon if I had a good time at dinner and said that there must have been other things going on for dinner to take 4 hours. I said it was fine, we just sat around talking. He knows I wasn't doing exactly what I said and I can accept that. As I've said before he'll be the parent who is more accepting of my orientation. He also knows my mother and her worry, which is why I make excuses.

Tonight I'm going out to dinner with Gonzo at 8:30 or 9p.m. I called my dad on the way home from school and told him I'm going out with Gonzo. He laughed and said ok. He said that's a bit late, but he was joking. My mom said, "oh, so now it is your girlfriend Gonzo tonight" and made fun of me because I'm going to eat 2 dinners. I ate a small dinner- just some of the meat we had for dinner and will eat a full meal when Gonzo and I go out.

My going out as I have mentioned before has been a perpetual thing since March/April of this year, so my parents should be used to it more or less. I just get tired of lying, worrying my parents will find out that I'm lying about where I'm going and that they'll lose trust in me. I hate the fact that I'm so "open" about where I'm going with my parents and check in with them and tell them what's going on. I get worried that I'll have to one day explain a lie and then come out to my parents. I try to avoid this by saying I am going to a male friend's house (Steve and Steve does live over near The Guy), so this helps me sort of justify everything if I were to get into an accident or something going or coming home. I think by now my parents are used to the fact when I say "I'm going out," it'll be 10:30 or 11 before I get home. I get the feeling my parents think I'm out doing other things like having sex or other things like that. While that is not far from the truth, I hate it because my mom teaches health, my mom's religious stance, and stuff like that. It just makes me feel uneasy having to lie and not telling the truth.

I hate the fact I am over 18, but am still bound to home in so many ways.

He talked me into going

Got a bunch of text messages and calls from The Guy yesterday telling me about things he heard on TV that he was concerned about. He wanted to make sure I didn't have a heart defibrilator in me because there is some model of those being recalled. He's a nut! Called him on my way home from school and left a voice mail. He texted me a couple more times and I told him I was going to stay in and write a paper about my internship. He told me to come over and do it. I was a sucker and went over about 7p.m..

... and I got my paper done! The Guy was playing EQ2 on the computer. We talked, watched TV, and stuff like that. I wrote my paper and we made small talk in between. We watched wrestling and talked about the hot wrestlers on TV.

About 8:30p.m. I went to Bakers Square to get him dinner. He wanted a southwestern burger on ciabatta with no tortilla chips. They were out of ciabatta, so a regular bun would suffice I told the waitress. I snuck over and bought The Guy energy drinks with his ATM card (haha- he gave it to me) at the liquor store. I got back to pick up the food and went back to his place.

The Guy opened the food and there was a bacon cheeseburger on TOAST. No joke. Doesn't that sound disgusting? ON TOAST! The Guy got pissed off and said he was going to call Bakers Square, so he did. Then we went over and had them make the burger over again. The manager offered us pie, but he should have really offered to give us the burger for free because that's the 2nd time they've had a big mess up like that.

Anyways, we get back to his place and joke around about the sandwich. Then we play EQ2 for a few minutes. I leave about 10:30.

I made it home at 11:15. I hit road construction and it took 45 minutes instead of 30. That wasn't cool, especially cuz I was real tired last night.

More on the weekend with The Guy

Spent most of Saturday afternoon/night back at The Guy's place playing more EQ2. I brought Bakers Square hamburgers for dinner. About 6:30p.m. The Guy was tired and I was too, so we laid down together on his bed and napped. We were woken up at 7:30 by his mom calling to see how The Guy was. He didn't answer. Instead he wanted to read and asked me if I'd go into the closet in the office and get The Master's Manual. He scanned through the pages and I read over his shoulder. Then He had to get ready at 8:00p.m. to go to dinner with a friend, so I left about then and made it home at 9p.m. That's a decent hour.

Sunday at 9:00a.m. I began receiving phone calls and text messages from The Guy. I told him my plan was to Christmas shop. He said I needed to come over. I said we'll see if I get around to it. Lots of texts ensued while I was out. Finally I told him about 3p.m. I was at Target. He had me bring him some Quakes, salt and vinegar potato chips, and Smart water. I brought that over and we played some more EQ2. The server crashed several times, so instead we just hung out on the couch watching TV and playing around online. I had to leave about 7p.m. to come home and do some homework. Homework was a disappointing way to end the weekend. Oh well... life goes on...

EQ2 and spent the night together

The Guy called me about 8p.m. last night and I went over to his place to play EQ2. I was so bored at home. I was crawling walls. I have been at home all week sleeping trying to get over my tonsillitis. Finally started feeling better Thursday.

Got to The Guy's place about 8:30. He started a new character and was in the same area as me. That meant we could play with each other and I wouldn't be lonely. I was a higher level, so that was awesome in my mind... boosted my ego. We ran around doing quests and killing creatures. Ran around with The Guy's friend Mike for a few hours killing stuff also.

It was so pleasant just playing. I was really enjoying his company on the couch. He had the patio door open all evening and it was relaxing to watch the rain come down and hear it. We did get 1.75'' of rain!!! YAY!!! I LOVE RAIN!!!

At 1:30a.m. we call it a night. The Guy then asks if I want to do something really dirty and I asked what he meant. He then yelled DONUTS! I said those sounded good. We went to YumYum Donuts for DONUTS. I've never had donuts with The Guy before so I didn't know his methodology in ordering. He buys a dozen with sprinkles and various other toppings, then he only eats the topping off. I ordered a glazed donut, which sounded good. Anyways, we get in the car, open the donuts, then he goes to work eating the tops off on each one. It was hilarious. We get back and pull in the driveway, then he finishes eating the tops of all the donuts. When he is done with that, he runs and throws all the bottoms of the donuts and the box in the dumpster.

We get back to his place and he asks if I'm ready for bed. I say yes. We go and get in his bed. He asks me if I'm going to wear my new GAP sweater, which looks really sexy on me I might add, to bed. I say yes, but end up taking it off when I realized he meant that we're going to spend the night. We laid pretty close together and by morning he was facing me and had his left arm over me. That felt so awesome to wake up to him hugging me like that with his arm over me. At 7:30 he asks if I'm awake and I say yes.

We get up and play around on EQ2 and I make level 16 before having to leave to meet my parents and mom's friend for breakfast.

I'll probably be back over at The Guy's later... YAY!!!

Come on into my bed...

We can get under the dark velvet red cover and lay our heads on the silky pillows.




HAHA... just wanted to explain my lack of posting this past week. I thought I'd take a moment to share where I've been and introduce you to my bed. This is where I've spent a long time this past week sleeping and recovering from tonsillitis.

Would have been nice to have had someone join me though. I'm still open to having someone come and keep me company

Movies and more...

Went over to The Guy's house last night after nearly crawling the walls this weekend being cooped up at home. I went out to Staples beforehand to get a science display board, but they were closed at 7p.m. Since when do they close so early?! On the way home, I call The Guy- one because I was bored and so we call each other when we're bored, but also he said to call him, and so I was doing it.

I told him I was just out driving and was mad Staples was closed. He said I should come over and hang out and watch movies with him. He was playing EQ2. I got over to his place and we watched the end of something on TNT. I can't think what it was, but I've seen it before. Then we watched "Spiderman" and "Sleepy Hollow."

The Guy's dog was all over the place and it was really annoying last night. He couldn't sit still. He was all over me beacuse I probably smelled like dogs since I played with my dogs quite a bit earlier in the day. The Guy ordered some chicken souflet from a Thai restaurant, and he spent a good deal of time trying to get into that, then he couldn't make up his mind where he wanted to sit. I wasn't relinquishing my position next to The Guy on the couch where I could see what was going on on his computer and talk to him.

About halfway through "Sleepy Hollow," The Guy turned off the computer and laid his body across me. I LOVE THAT feeling!!! I love to be able to hold someone, touch their body. I rubbed his thigh with my hand while he played with his dog and watched TV down at the other end of the couch.

Finally he asked if I was sleepy. I thought he meant we would go and take a nap. It was midnight afterall, I was tired. We got into his bed, snuggled up close together and then I put my hand on his arm. He moved it down to his crotch. He moved his arm down into my pants and grabbed my dick. I began playing with his too and got him hard. I was already hard from the time he went in my pants.

He pushed me under the covers to suck him off and I did. My throat still hurt, so I don't think I did a great job like usual, but he seemed to enjoy it. He continued playing with my dick, so soon I took my pants off and as I sucked him he jacked my dick off. That was such a hot feeling. I just love another guy's hand on my stuff, especially his. He wanted me to suck his balls last night and take both of them in my mouth- again with my throat hurting, I wasn't sure how well it would go over, but he was really turned on by this. I know because of all the precum he had on his dick after I started sucking him again after doing this. This went on for a while, then we grinded some. No kissing or much contact other than that because of my tonsillitis. He shot his load on my chest. I think this is the first time, at least in a long time that he shot his load on me. It was huge! He got a towel and cleaned me off, then we got ready to say goodbye.

I hadn't shot my load since at least Tuesday and was still really horny when I got out to the car since The Guy spent so much time working me up, but didn't give me the opportunity to shoot my load that it took just a little rubbing my dick through my pants when I got out to the car. It was funny. As I was leaving the complex he lives in I realized how hard I still was and I thought I could easily cum. I thought about whipping my dick out and stroking it real quick to shoot, but didn't. I just sat at the end of his street rubbing my dick for maybe 30 seconds and I shot an awesome load all in my boxers. I had the nice reminder of this all the way home. Made it home at 1:00a.m.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

Hope you guys have a good day!!! I plan to sleep. Originally we were going over to my aunt's house, but someone developed a case of tonsillitis late last night and spent several hours at Kaiser. As much as I don't like the insanity that comes with going to my aunt's house because of all the little kids, I'm going to miss it this year. Those little kids are pretty bad. I only get to see the extended family 2-3 times a year, so it is something I look forward to.

It doesn't really seem like Thanksgiving to me- the weather has been a bit warm lately, we managed to avoid the lines at the grocery store (and seeing all the people there usually causes me to realize it is the holiday season). I've noticed that this past week everywhere I went everyone was wishing each other a Happy Thanksgiving, but it just doesn't seem like Thanksgiving. Also, not going over to the relatives houses doesn't help.

Though this Thanksgiving is not turning out as planned; I did however want to post what I'm thankful for since what I'm thankful for is a little different this year. 2007 really has been an awesome year, which is a nice change after 2006 was really crappy. So here are some things I'm thankful for:
Meeting great guys - that includes fellow bloggers and The Guy. I think because I've met a lot of you I've been more encouraged to take big leaps toward coming out.
Gonzo- we've become a lot closer this year - I'm also thankful she was so supportive of my coming out
Good grades- 'nuf said...
Friends- they're great
Family- Most of the time they're great, there for me to talk to, listen, and support me. I've become a lot closer over the past year to people like my cousin, which is awesome.
My job- Love the kids I work with and most of my coworkers. I enjoy going to work everyday.
My body- Thanks to my gym membership I'm pretty happy with it and the results.
Health- this could be debatable after this case of tonsillitis I've developed and some other things the doctor was concerned about yesterday, but I'm happy that I'm rarely sick when I am. I take care of myself to try and avoid getting sick and I'm thankful it is paying off.
My grandma is still alive- She'll be 88 in December!
Amazing opportunities I've had this year- Kind of a mish-mash of everything I've said above, but some other tidbits... meeting new people, getting to travel to see my best friend in Mississippi, getting to travel to Nashville, getting an awesomme internship, and opportunities to meet fellow bloggers.

I'm thankful that I'm very happy at this point in my life.

Night of games on the couch

On Tuesday night I went over to The Guy's. I had planned to ditch my Spanish class cuz I could and go over to his house a little earlier. Didn't work because I had a crappy meeting that lasted nearly 2 hours at my college. UGH.

Got over to his place and he was on the couch playing Everquest II. I sat down, there was random chit-chat about our days, stuff like that. During this time I was downloading the updates for the game on my computer. It took about an hour.

I began playing and The Guy mentored me- some action in the game where he gets credit for showing me what to do. It was awesome cuz I didn't feel as alone while playing it and didn't get frustrated. I did die twice though, at the beginning. The Guy made fun of me and told me how he didn't see how I could die.

We both finally sat up (we had been laying down on the couches with our computer) and moved next to each other and got under the down comforter. That was awesome to have his body so close to mine.

Then we ordered the extreme veggie pizza for dinner. The artichokes on top were so good.

After dinner, we played for a little bit longer, talked about random things and then took off.

Left about 10:15 and got home at 11.

Karaoke at a club

Gonzo and I made plans to go to a gay club Sunday night. I spent Saturday night texting her. Instead of going to what I knew was an all out, gay, dance club we opted for the quieter club that caters to gays in the area.

Sunday night was karaoke night. We got there and walked through. Nobody was dancing- just sitting around talking and a few people were on stage doing karaoke. The crowd was guys and girls of all ages. There were older women in their 60s up by the karaoke stage. There was a young group of guys and girls who were about 20 at the back. There was a large group of guys in their 20s and 30s in the middle of the patio.

One guy sang Simple Plan's "Addicted" and he sang the song with attitude, but lacked the whiney voice needed for the song. Gonzo kept asking me what I was going to sing. I said NOTHING unless she was going to. She wasn't. She kept pressuring. She said I should sing my ringtone "Watching Airplanes," by Gary Allan, but I said no. The only songs we could think of were "Wait for You," by Elliott Yamin, "What Hurts The Most," Rascal Flatts, and "These Days," by Rascal Flatts. She got the paper, I wrote down those 3 songs. This was about 10:30. I couldn't believe it... after being there 1 1/2 hours I was finally going to do karaoke. Oh well... I figure if I was going to come out I had to do it in a big way and singing karaoke would be coming out... haha.

Anyways, in the meantime while everyone was up on stage singing Gonzo was asking me what guys I found hot and getting an idea for my type. I like tall, tall and muscular, tall and skinny, latino, and so on she deduced. The bouncer at the club was sooooo hot- very skinny latino guy with spikey hair and sparkling brown eyes. He was about 5'7''. Really, I'm not that particular in looks, but it took a while for Gonzo to determine this and she thinks I'm as picky in men as women.

I went to the bathroom about this time and there were 2 guys in the bathroom talking about cum on their faces. I went and did my business- as I was doing it, I heard a guy talking asking if the cute guy with the green t-shirt had been here before. The guy in the green t-shirt was me. One guy said he didn't know. I finished up, wanted to know who was asking, but then when I came out they were gone.

Finally about 11:15 the guy asked Mikey to come up to the outdoor stage. I had the microphone and watched the computer monitor to see what was going to come up. The 4 lesbian girls who were probably 21 or 22 cheered me on. Gonzo and I had cheered them all on when they did "Like a Virgin," by Madonna and Gigi did "Honey I'm Home," by Shania Twain. The song that appeared was "Wait For You," by Elliott Yamin. I got up there, tried my hardest. My eyes were glued to the computer monitor making sure I didn't miss a line. I occasionally looked over at Gonzo and the lesbians. By this time, most of the club had cleared out. There were maybe 20 people still around. I remember looking over at Gonzo who was videotaping it on her cell phone. It was fun though. I was nervous talking about it and thinking about going up there, but after the first couple lines I was fine. It was easy. The lesbian girls and one lady who sang 4 or 5 other songs all clapped loudly for me. Gonzo said I have "gangsta" status now. She vows to tell everyone at work I did karaoke. Her cell phone deleted the video because it went over the time. Oh well... haha... less embarrassment that way if she brings anything up. I'll just pipe in and say I did do it- and I had the balls to unlike her, she flat out refused.

We stayed around for a few guys who sang a song from "RENT." The lesbians did "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood. After that, we took off.

We talked about what we plan to do this week on the way home and how next time we'll go to a real club. Overall, fun night, something I wouldn't normally do. Also knocked something off my list of things I want to do in life... sing karaoke in front of a large group of people at a bar. HAHA... yay!!!

Jersey Boys with the bloggers

Got to meet up with the LA bloggers last night to see "Jersey Boys." It was very cool to meet JR, Hamilton, and Closeted to finally be able to put a face to people I've chatted with and read their blogs. I really enjoyed meeting everyone face to face- that alone made the whole thing worth it. Awesome show also, I must mention.

He has the best heart

The Guy called me at 6:00p.m. or so Thursday night as Dell was at my house fixing my computer. I was thinking about The Guy at this time and apparently he was thinking of me too as he called me while he was driving back from Trader Joes. He told me to call him later and we should hang out. I called at 6:45 when Dell left.

Went over to his place and we hung out sitting around on the couch watching TV. He asked if I wanted to get my computer, so I did. Helped him install a video card in a HP PC he just got. Later in the evening after browsing the web he wanted to install Everquest II on it. I said ok. I put the disk in. Video card error messages appears. I kind of try to hide the fact as Dell just replaced it 2 hours earlier. He went into repair mode and tried to fix it. I was telling him not to worry- I'm calling Dell as it is their issue. They just fixed it. He said no, we're getting you a new computer. I was STUNNED. STUNNED. Part of me wanted to burst out and cry because that was just so thoughtful and computers aren't cheap, so that he wanted to get me one was just so awesome.

Before I know it, he is on the phone with Joe asking if he can bring his Toshiba over. I tell The Guy when he gets off the phone it is not necessary because I can get a computer myself. He is asking me questions like why I haven't by now, stuff like that. Then he asked how I would pay for a computer. I basically said my Dell has a warranty, plus I can get a computer. I can afford it. I have enough money where I could run out and get a computer.. I didn't tell The Guy this because the conversation shifted, but my reasons for not are my computer is still under warranty no matter how crappy it is. Technology changes so quickly. A computer isn't my top priority, although I could certainly afford it. I also am not like The Guy when something doesn't work I toss it out or get a new one... I try to fix it. Maybe I do need a new computer though- I just couldn't accept this one. I was just so heartened and felt so touched that The Guy would think of this for me. He is seriously the most awesome guy. I would have paid for it, but in the end I didn't accept. If I buy myself a computer I'm almost positive it'll be a Mac, even though it'll be quite a switch. I also know now I'm going to keep my computer problems to myself... haha... loved that The Guy was so thoughtful, but to know how he is just like me and if there is a problem he'll go out of his way to try and fix it- in this case trying to give me a computer.

Found out The Guy sold his old Macbook Pro to Joe. Joe in exchange paid him cash and his Toshiba laptop. The Guy has no use for the Toshiba, but accepted it as payment. I told him and was adamant in saying NO- I can't accept that. He was telling me yes, I'd been planning this since you need a new computer. I told him that yes, I would have a very hard time accepting it. He said ok- just don't tell Joe when he gets over here. Joe eventually found out- The Guy said it when my computer started working right.

Joe came over and was in a bitchy mood because of school. We stood around and The Guy transferrred files off of the Toshiba onto Joe's Mac while Joe and I stood around surrounding The Guy on the couch just chatting, making random remarks, etc. It was fun though- finally I sat down to tend to my computer and Joe sits down next to me. We talk, we touch (not sexually), but I'm saying more than is typical of 2 guys just sitting on a couch. He was trying to show he was sad once and put his head on my shoulder, I put mine on his too. It was cute little stuff like that... haha. Anyways, The Guy was talking about threesomes and other random stuff during this time, but Joe wasn't picking up on it... haha... that was fine with me.

Joe left about 11. The Guy wanted to show me what he bought that he told me about on the phone... hand cuffs, a butt plug, new lube, and poppers. He then wanted to try it out. He gets naked, I follow. I suck him for a few minutes then he moves where his ass is in my face and he is lubing up my dick, jacking me off, playing with the butt plug and trying to put it in my ass. We move positions a lot and there is lots of body contact. We kiss and rub our faces against each other. He hadn't shaved. We also had a little role playing going on- he was the daddy and I was the bad son... haha... I'll leave it at that. That's a new twist in our sex lives... haha... I'm not sure I like it, but hey... I can say I've tried it now. We were all over each other tonight- no joke. It felt sooooooo good. The Guy jacked my dick as I sucked him off. Then I switched positions a little and sucked him off until he was about to shoot; and I was laying next to him, shot my load on his chest

I left about 12:10, but The Guy wanted to know why I didn't want to stay later. I did, but I knew I would hate myself this morning. I have to get up in a little less than 7 1/2 hours. That's why. I also had to stop and get gas tonight on the way home. It was only $3.25 a gallon... yuck.

I AM BI

There... said it... :::giggles:::

Well, a couple Fridays ago, I came out and basically said to Gonzo that I was bi. I couldn't seem to get the words out and felt really bad. It was such a huge relief and I was elated to tell her that. I really wanted though, to say the words. I got around to that tonight.

We wanted to meet Monday night for dinner at 9p.m.. Didn't work. We met tonight at Jack in the Box. I had a root beer float and tacos. I wanted the float, but Gonzo insisted I ate, so I had tacos.

First, I got to check out her new Scion box. She gave me the grand tour. I didn't get to sit in the drivers seat though because the person she was parked next to was waiting to get in the car. She asked if my opinion on the car had changed. I said I still find them ugly, but that I don't really care, she is happy, I love to see her happy, so that is all that matters.

We sat at the chairs with the bar stools, she got her food, I got mine. We talked about things like my sister and the incident her and I had this morning. I took her purse and other stuff to the train station because I'm such a nice guy and she forgot all of the stuff at home. We talked about how her brother is in the same boat with my sister when it comes to getting their licenses. Her brother finally takes his test tomorrow. Now we just need my sister to. We talked about cars and money. We talked about how we both feel such a need to help and shelter our brothers/sisters, how we do care, and how we don't get thanked enough for doing that.

We talked about what we want for Christmas. I told her I finished most of my Christmas shopping the other night. We also talked about our obsession with hair. I told her how I'm trying a new hairstyle everyday this week. I didn't do my hair Saturday through Monday. Tuesday I just towel dried it. Today I just ran my fingers through it. I love short hair. She said my hair is very sexy.

Finally I showed Gonzo pics in my phone of the new coworker I don't like and her fiance. Both look like men. It is quite scary. Gonzo then asked to see pics of The Guy because she thinks he is a really hot guy. I said yes. Then she asked how my "date" went the other night with him. I just told her we went out, had Mexican food, talked, stuff like that. That's what The Guy and I did Friday night. Gonzo asked if I liked it and I said yes. She asked a couple times since I had a hard time admitting it to her on the phone the other night and that was simply because I was determined to not say I'm bi over the phone.

So this went on and she asked me about a girl from high school who used to be all over me. It was not my exes. It was just one of those random girls all over any guy who breathed. Anyways, she asked if I ever had feelings for her. I said she was hot. I know a hot girl when I see one. She asked if I had ever thought of getting with a girl and doing stuff. I said it just seems so out of character for me to do that and stuff. She said you only live once, so you might try it.

Then she told me about Addison, her best friend who is gay and how he always goes to Gonzo and tells about his man and sex problems.

She told me that I should really go on more dates with guys to see if I really am bi. She said I should do it with a guy and a girl to see if I'm really bi or gay and if I like the experience. I wanted to pipe in and say I've done this ____ with a guy. Nope. I Chickened out.

Gonzo then asked if I would go out with The Guy. I said yes, I would. I explained the situation about how I'm not out. She said well, if he asks you, say yes. Haha. During all of this time I'm sitting leading her on and beating around the bush. I'm thinking how I don't have the guts to it and really wanted to text someone on the phone for encouragement. It would have been awkward to pick up my phone when she had her eyes glued on The Guy's photo going on about how sexy he is. So The Guy's photo is in the middle of the table staring up at me. I'm like ok... The Guy is here with me in spirit and his eyes are staring at me... he would just say it... so I'll just say it.

I had wanted to just tell her the whole story on how we met, how I've hid this part of my life from her and everyone else. I couldn't. I was laughing too much. I was going to go into the details (excluding the sex) for the past 6-8 months.

The laughing and giggling continue. My eyes were on anything but Gonzo when we were talking. Most people who know me will not deny I'm a good listener and will devote my full attention to you. I think Gonzo was thinking there was a problem. The truth is when I'm nervous I tend to laugh and giggle. Others may shut down, blow up, whatever, but I giggle and laugh. I can tell Gonzo was not sure what was going on because she was becoming nervous as she was playing with the tray cover on the tray. She asked if I had learned anything about sexuality in my human reproduction class. I said yes and told her what I learned like bisexuality is not just a phase and is entirely possible. I told her I've talked with The Guy about sexuality since she asked if I had discussed it with friends, I said I had. I said I have met some of his friends, stuff like that. Then I remember suddenly looking up at her and saying "and I guess I'm bi." Her eyes got big, she had a huge smile on her phase and she was intent on listening afterward. I didn't feel real awkward afterward, my heart didn't pound. I just giggled.

She just told me how great that is. She asked if I feel I could swing both ways and may settle on a gay identity later or straight. I said I like both. I can identify a hot girl and I have no problem telling. I like guys, but I have a hard time saying one is hot. She said she thinks I'm confused still, but it is good I am admitting it. She asked about The Guy, how long I've known him, how we met, how I feel for him, stuff like that. I'm sure you guys know the answers... haha.

She said she really wants to go to a gay club and it should just be her and I who goes. She said that Darla would never be able to go and going with our other coworkers would be weird. She wants to go and would only dance with me or other girls. She doesn't want to dance with other guys because she has a boyfriend. Plus her and I could pull off boyfriend/girlfriend very well... even though she is not the huggy/clingy type like me. I'd be all over her at the club... haha. Seriously... wouldn't let a guy lay a hand on her. She said she is allowed to stay out until 1:00a.m., I just need to come up with a gay club to go to, pick a day, and we'll go. I'm thinking Oasis in Upland or there is a little club who caters to gay guys in my city, but I don't think it is the gay club idea she has in mind. It is mainly more of the drag queen type based on what I've heard and seen on their website. Might not be bad for a first time.

The conversation fizzled from being gay quickly and went back to her brother getting his license possibly tomorrow. We talked about little other random things like work.

We want to hang out next week- either go clubbing or go to breakfast... or both!

At least I finally got the words out...